Pregnancy becomes happy news for every expectant mother. However, the closer the pregnancy comes to its end, the worse the woman becomes. After all, childbirth is ahead. And they, as you know, are very painful and unpleasant. Every woman on the eve of childbirth begins to experience the fear “I’m afraid to give birth.” And psychologists talk about the naturalness of this process. Don't let your fear drive you into panic. Better think about what to do.
So, you are afraid of the upcoming birth. The first thing a reader of the online magazine psytheater.com needs to do is realize that absolutely everyone is afraid. The first time childbirth causes fear only because the girl does not know how everything happens and how much it hurts. She listens to the stories of experienced women in childbirth, so she begins to attribute their suffering to herself. Every woman suffers during childbirth differently, and some women give birth quite easily, unlike others. What your case is - your birth will show.
It is scary to give birth the second time, because the woman already knows how painful it is. She remembers her first time, how the doctors were constantly fussing around in her body, the child did not want to come out for a long time, and the birth process itself caused painful sensations. The woman is happy about her second baby, but she no longer wants to give birth with pain and anxiety.
For some reason, nature invented painful childbirth. Here it remains for psychologists and philosophers to reveal the secret plan of the nature of pain during the birth of a baby. In the meantime, a woman should understand the following: absolutely everyone is afraid. Moreover, even before subsequent births, women experience fear.
How to stop being afraid?
In fact, psychologists do not promise that they will ever find a way to experience childbirth painlessly. If a woman does not use a caesarean section, but gives birth naturally, then she should understand that she will definitely be afraid. Here you need to try not to get rid of fear, but to understand its nature and mechanisms of occurrence.
- Fear of childbirth is good, as psychologists say. In this way, a woman prepares psychologically for an important process for herself. She never gave birth. She is expecting to give birth. But at the same time she is afraid, because she knows that childbirth will be painful. Fear of childbirth is a woman’s psychological preparation for what will soon happen to her. It would be better for her to somehow strengthen her psyche now and tune in to the inevitable, rather than deal with her fears during the birth of the baby.
- Collect information. Fear arises when a woman does not know what will happen to her. In order to become a little stronger psychologically and come to terms with the inevitable, a woman must understand what will happen to her. It is suggested to read medical literature, get acquainted with useful information on how best to carry out childbirth, and understand the process of childbirth itself. This will not relieve the pain. Information is needed only so that the woman understands how to help herself during childbirth, so that there is less pain, and also realizes that childbirth is not endless. In just a few hours it will all be over and she will meet her baby.
- Consult medical personnel. A conversation with a gynecologist will even help here. Of course, you will not stop being afraid, but you must understand that the staff who will be present during childbirth are more interested than anyone in making the process quick and easy. No one will delay the birth; on the contrary, doctors will do everything to ensure that the birth goes quickly, like all your suffering.
It is impossible to get rid of the fear of childbirth. The woman will feel at least a slight excitement, because she will be aware of how her baby will be born. And here it is better to read less forums of emotional mothers who describe in vivid colors how hurt they were.
To reduce your level of fear a little, we recommend thinking about the following:
- Childbirth is inevitable. If you are pregnant, your baby will definitely be born at some point. If you don't have a caesarean section then you will be in pain. Humble yourself!
- Childbirth is not forever. It’s better to think not about how painful it will be for you, but about how to give birth quickly so that you can see your baby as soon as possible. Think about the baby who will now be born and will not bother you in your tummy. Rejoice in the arrival of your baby and just be patient!
- It hurts absolutely all women. You are not the first and you are not the last. It will hurt during childbirth - that's a fact! But understand that this pain is temporary and tolerable. It will hurt you, but you think that it will soon pass and will not return to you. This pain will be very severe, but it is tolerable.
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What fears do expectant mothers have?
What is a woman most afraid of before giving birth?
- I can't handle it
Since it is nature that gives women the ability to give birth, it also gives them enough strength to do so. It will be useful to take classes for pregnant women, read several special medical brochures, talk to a midwife and a woman who will not intimidate, but share her experience.
- What if I start giving birth at the most inopportune moment?
This is exactly what happens in films: a woman instantly bends over in pain, no matter where she is, and gives birth literally in half an hour, without having time to get to the hospital. But this is the exception, not the rule. The process takes several hours; from the first contraction to the expulsion of the fetus, enough time passes, and it is quite enough to get to the parental home. And the rupture of amniotic fluid is a painless and natural process, so it should not be ashamed.
- I'm afraid that my appearance will deteriorate
If you try, you can relatively quickly lose extra pounds, restore skin elasticity, and get your muscles back in shape. Special exercises, diets, and, in extreme cases, plastic surgery will help with this.
Adding to the above the fear of being in an unattractive position in front of your spouse, the fear of spontaneous defecation, responsibility, loss of control over the situation, death, we get a real phobia.
REFERENCE!
Tokophobia is one of the identified phobias, which is based on the fear of childbirth and the birth of a baby. This is no longer just fear - due to phobia, a woman can completely abandon the role of a mother, try to commit suicide, or provoke an abortion. Primary tokophobia is characteristic of inexperienced women who have not given birth before. The reason for the appearance of such a misfortune may be a negative attitude that was once laid down, sexual violence, peculiarities of upbringing, a bad economic situation, and the like. A secondary phobia appears in women who already have children. In this case, one’s own negative experience and age after 40 significantly influence.
A nervous expectant mother may struggle with nausea and loss of strength, aggression, dizziness, loss of appetite and sleep. This affects, first of all, the child, so things should not be left to chance.
I'm afraid to give birth - advice from a psychologist
The fear of giving birth, as psychologists note, often originates from two sources:
- External environment.
- Internal fears and conflicts.
It is very important in what environment a pregnant woman finds herself. The first is the stories of other women about how they gave birth. It is important that every woman who shares her story understands the impact it has on the pregnant woman. It is clear that childbirth is very painful. But it is important to focus not on the pain, but on the fact that this process quickly ends and the woman begins to hug her baby.
It is also important what stories mothers and grandmothers tell their daughters, who will also give birth. If a woman knows that a child died during childbirth, the birth was very difficult, there were complications after childbirth, then she will definitely be afraid of childbirth much more than a woman in labor who has always had healthy children in her family. The experience of previous generations is passed on to the woman, who begins to think that her birth will be exactly the same.
The fact that there is a man nearby - the father of the unborn child - becomes important. Even if a woman’s father abandoned her, it will be much easier for her to cope with her fears of childbirth if there is another man in her life who is ready to become her husband and raise her child as if it were his own. A woman needs support from a man. She must understand that she is not alone in her problem.
A woman’s financial readiness for the birth of a baby also plays a small but significant role. If a woman does not worry about money issues related to the birth and first months of her child's development, then she will have fewer worries.
Your fear of childbirth is natural. It occurs in absolutely every woman. Often our fears are reflected during dreams. If you dreamed of something terrible related to childbirth, then just understand that it was your fear that showed terrible pictures. You don’t need to believe your dreams, but be aware of the reason for their appearance.
Experts recommend that women engage in more beneficial activities during fears of childbirth:
- Learn a breathing technique that will help you not only calm down, but also perform it during childbirth.
- Learn useful information about childbirth itself. How can you carry them out and how can you help yourself so that they pass quickly and less painfully?
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I'm afraid to give birth for the first time - what to do?
Giving birth for the first time is always scary. And fears are common here. A woman does not have complete information about how childbirth occurs, how much pain she will experience, or even where exactly she will experience pain. A woman is simply afraid of something she has never encountered before. What to do?
- First, understand that many fears are inspired. The woman simply heard from other mothers how they gave birth. But she doesn’t know exactly how her body will give birth. Perhaps she will be lucky and the birth will be easy. How does she know?
- Secondly, fear arises from a lack of knowledge about the birth process. It is important to understand exactly how a baby is born in order to understand the cause of pain.
Ask yourself: “How will the baby appear if not through childbirth, which makes you afraid?” If you know another way for babies to appear, then you can use it so as not to be afraid.
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What is better not to do so as not to worsen the situation?
Not a single woman can honestly say that she did not panic before giving birth, and this is a normal reaction of the body to a new situation. However, there is no need to develop fear and focus on it; it is better to calmly approach the most important event in life - the birth of a baby. A pregnant woman should not:
- take to heart the stories of friends or mothers from forums about their childbirth,
- project sad stories onto yourself,
- become sad and depressed,
- trying to correct your figure with sports or diets in the last weeks of pregnancy,
- stop reading literature and assume that doctors will do all the work themselves without the participation of the woman in labor.
I'm afraid to give birth to a second child - what to do?
Fear of childbirth when pregnant with a second child often arises from previous experiences. The woman remembers the first time she gave birth and believes that the same thing will happen now. However, many women who have given birth two or more times say that subsequent births were much easier and faster. The reasons for this are:
- The psychological readiness of a woman who is ready to fight during childbirth, and not be afraid of it.
- The readiness of the body, which has already given birth once and knows how it will happen.
- Awareness - a woman knows how her birth went, so she already has an idea of how it will happen again.
In order not to be afraid of a second birth, you need to work on your mistakes. You already know how to lie down, breathe, at what moments to push, how to communicate with the medical staff, etc. Correct your mistakes after the first time so that the second birth goes faster.
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How can loved ones help a pregnant woman calm down?
Relatives should, if necessary, come to the aid of the pregnant woman and be ready to listen to her experiences. While in a maternity hospital, a mother, husband or close friend will in any case be more morally stable in a stressful situation than a woman preparing for childbirth. Partner birth is one of the best ways to help a woman in labor overcome her fears (we recommend reading: the pros and cons of vertical partner birth).
A familiar face or voice in the prenatal ward helps to calm down, unload emotionally and believe in one’s strength. Partner birth is an ideal option for women who are overcome by panic. A loved one can give you a lower back massage, distract you with conversation, and simply provide moral support.
I'm afraid to give birth to a sick child
It is quite natural to fear giving birth to a sick child. Every mother wants to be involved in the development and upbringing of her baby, and not in treating him. However, we need to calm down here. During pregnancy, a woman is constantly examined by doctors. They already have a large arsenal of all the tools that will allow them to predict how the baby will be born.
If pathologies are observed in the fetus, then, most likely, the woman will be offered an abortion even before her baby develops any features and body traits. However, if a woman is already approaching childbirth, and doctors do not talk about possible pathologies, then her baby will be a very ordinary person.
Undoubtedly, a baby can be born sick, but this already depends on genes, the nutrition of the mother herself, her lifestyle and even the birth itself. It is important that a woman understands the responsibility she has for bearing and giving birth to a baby. Here you need to think about how to do everything right, and not be afraid.
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As a result, everyone has a fear of childbirth.
Absolutely all women are afraid of childbirth. The first time this fear is much stronger due to the lack of experience, in subsequent times it arises due to existing events that the woman simply does not want to face. However, it should be understood that the baby will not appear if the woman does not give birth to it. To eventually stop being so afraid, you just need to prioritize:
- Is it important for you to be afraid or to give birth to a healthy baby?
- Is it important for you to be afraid or to do everything right at the most crucial moment?
- Do you want to be afraid or contribute to the rapid birth of your baby?
Understand that childbirth will pass, no matter how painful and unpleasant it may be, and after it you will find yourself holding a baby. For everything to go well, it is important that mom stays strong. After all, immediately after giving birth, she will begin to develop her baby, who will not understand what the mother is afraid of and why she needs to be given a little time to recover after giving birth. You are either ready to become a mother, or you are living with your emotions and harming yourself and your baby. Just prioritize what is more important to you, because all women have experienced childbirth and all have experienced the pain that arises.
How to overcome fear of childbirth ↑
1. Fear of death is normal. Just don’t turn it on where the percentages according to statistics are minimal. Everything is fine with you, there are no anomalies, even deviations from the norm are within normal limits. Do not forget that your emotions at this stage are experienced in the same way by the newly born human being.
2. Fear of pain is difficult to overcome. You can forget about him. Stupidity creeps into an empty head. Keep yourself busy with something. What is the most interesting thing for you? Detectives? Read! Computer game? Play! Knitting a sweater for your husband? Knit! The main thing is that your thoughts are occupied with counting, reading or excitement. Not only will your fear disappear, but the pain itself will dull and will not become so painful.
Look for a position that minimizes pain. Stand up, sit down, bend over…. There is a position in which you will be comfortable. Massage, pain relief, auto-training, etc…. Are you still afraid?
If the pain exceeds some acceptable norms, the brain turns off its perception. Traumatologists call this a painful shock, but the very fact of the existence of such an effect is reassuring.
You don’t understand how a woman, having experienced this once, decides to give birth to a second or third child? And you ask her. The mother who screamed in pain for half an hour after giving birth completely forgets about suffering and negativity. This is the only pain that brings so much happiness that it becomes completely unimportant.
3. The unknown is not only scary, but also alluring. It is very common for a woman to tempt fate, change everything around her, and change herself. So what's the deal? Change the world! Turn on your curiosity: what will happen there? Aren't you wondering what kind of little man you will give birth to? Maybe he is a genius or a future president?
Okay, let's not talk about the distant future. Think about what you will call him, what name you will give him, what clothes you will wear, fantasize about the interior of his nursery, look mentally into his bright future and imagine the sand castles that you and he will build on the Crimean beach. What a pleasant unknown!
4. There was experience . The feeling is not the best. Any experience is good because it has already happened and with proper preparation and prioritization it will not happen again.
5. You don’t want to have a child . It’s strange why then you are afraid to give birth to him. Nowadays, the birth of a child and motherhood are not always synonymous:
- If you don’t want to, you’re afraid to be a mother, give birth, refuse and move on with your life.
- Do you want to, but are you afraid of difficulties? Be afraid and give birth. Then you'll figure it out. It’s great that future difficulties now worry you more than present ones. They are harmless because they have not happened yet.
