Relationships are almost always difficult. One way or another, we have to deal with our childhood traumas, unmet needs, early decisions, illusions, family scripts and other undercurrents that influence us today.
On the one hand, this is a painful process, full of tears, grievances and disappointments, on the other hand, it is a natural and accessible path of personal development and the opportunity to live a full, rich life.
Fortunately, the process of relationships between partners has been well studied in psychology. It is divided into several stages or phases that each couple goes through. Thus, in analytical psychology the following stages are distinguished: search, recognition, satisfaction of needs, exchange and return.
Relying on Jung’s well-known position about the duality of the human psyche, which manifests itself in the fact that the psyche of a man includes not only the masculine, but also the feminine principle (anima), and the psyche of a woman includes not only the feminine, but also the masculine principle (animus), we can assume that that the masculine and feminine in the inner cosmos are not only in the active process of being, but also more or less successfully interact with each other.
The relationship between the masculine and feminine principles in the inner world is mirrored in the stages of development of the relationship between a real man and woman.
Stage of uncertainty in relationships. What happens in the second stage of a relationship?
However, any stage in the development of relations between partners is more or less fleeting and attraction is replaced by a stage of uncertainty. For men, it is expressed in the fact that, having experienced the “first taste of victory,” he begins to think about the question: Is his chosen one good enough to remain in his life until the end of his days? While pondering the answer to this question, he may even move away from her for a while, and his advances may become less tangible and reasonable.
This stage of the relationship is dangerous because it can lead to a temporary break. A man will need time to understand himself and his feelings for a woman. He must make an important decision for himself and answer the question: Is he ready to take responsibility for this woman in the future?
The woman, on the contrary, much later enters the stage of uncertainty, and often sincerely does not understand: Why has the man lost interest in her? She demands attention to herself no less than during the period of attraction, but does not always receive even a tenth of it. Interpreting the man’s changed behavior in her own way, she begins to pester him with questions related to the relationship between them.
Having not received intelligible answers from a man, a woman begins to have doubts about the fact that he sincerely loves her. She begins to use a variety of feminine tricks and tricks in order to get answers to all her questions.
Such a course of events can harm the existing relations between the sexes and call into question their outcome. The only chance to give them a second wind is to dare to have a frank conversation.
Both partners at the stage of uncertainty are capable of causing each other a lot of pain and suffering.
This is when all the quarrels and first conflicts occur.
In order to move to the third stage of relationships, it is necessary to avoid violent conflicts, pacify your egoism and try to find words for reconciliation.
Why they want to start a relationship - common reasons:
- in desperation to drown out the pain of breaking up with a former partner and fill the inner emptiness. You will object - yes, what’s bad? Only in psychology can one cope with emptiness in one way - to find its cause and remove it. Otherwise, over time, no matter what you fill it with, the “hole” will only deepen,
- fear of loneliness,
- desire for intimacy
- take revenge on your ex
- be like everyone else: “my friends have been married for a long time, but am I worse?!”
- increased desire to have a child “before it’s too late”,
- get rid of parental care and change place of residence,
- ... here name your reason why you needed to connect your life with another person. Just don’t cheat if your current relationship is at least somehow dear to you.
There are hundreds of reasons for starting a relationship, but, alas, there are only a few for love.
One of my clients answered the question: “Why did you get married?” She calmly answered: “Because my husband’s parents promised to buy us an apartment.” Alas, the story ended in divorce, even the children did not help.
Another example: a girl suffered from moral and physical abuse from her father. It’s not difficult to guess what she constantly dreamed of – a protector. As a result, out of many contenders for her hand and heart, she chose the tallest and most powerfully built guy. The result of this psychology is divorce after 15 years of marriage. Of course, the family broke up not only for this reason, but “whatever you call the boat, that’s how it will float.”
Stages of relationships by month. Secrets of stage 1 of a relationship between a man and a woman
Stage 1: first three months
From the moment you meet and during the first three months of your dating, you cannot automatically expect fidelity from your partner unless you both agree to consider it part of the rules of your game.
However, in a good relationship between a man and a woman, there is initially a spark of attraction that slowly flares up, increasing your desire to be in the company of another person.
For example, over the course of three months, you can go from one to two dates per week. Then you gradually start spending entire weekends together. Sex usually begins when you get to know each other better and feel comfortable together.
Please note that the relationship between a man and a woman develops progressively. Nothing comes instantly. Stormy romances that take off like rockets are usually fueled by neuroses.
When people fall head over heels for love after one or two dates, they tend to react to the fantasy they've created rather than to the personality of a new partner they barely know.
It can also occur as a result of a strong need to depend on a man or a desire to merge with him in order to become more whole.
Passion flares up too quickly when your instincts or cues in your partner's behavior tell you that he can satisfy some of your neurotic needs: for example, that he will be secretive or aggressive.
If your childhood was spent in an environment of emotional alienation, you should be especially careful when creating relationships between a man and a woman. You may have a tendency to see every new man as the embodiment of your dreams; this tendency is born of a desperate subconscious need to be loved.
Many women are especially prone to succumb to the syndrome that Dr. Frank Peat. Of course, this syndrome does not always appear after the third date.
It occurs in relationships between a man and a woman, when one of the partners begins to feel affection for the other; usually this is a woman. When a woman is insecure or has a strong need for something, she panics at the thought that her feelings do not provoke an appropriate response from her partner.
Her despair becomes almost physically palpable. A man who feels this desperation either stops dating or retreats to a safe distance and starts dating other women.
Monogamy can indeed come naturally when you start spending a lot of time together, but at this stage it should not be taken for granted or expected in the near future in a relationship between a man and a woman.
Although a man may be seriously attracted to you, he may not be ready to commit himself to anything yet. For many men, monogamy is synonymous with mutual commitment.
You can move toward monogamy and discuss it, but in the first three months of a man-woman relationship, you can't expect, much less demand, it. Three months is a time to get to know each other better.
Since you do not yet expect fidelity from your partner, taking into account the AIDS epidemic, you should practice safe sex. You must insist that he wear a latex condom, and at the same time use one containing nonoxynol-9, which has a certain negative effect on the AIDS virus.
In the age of AIDS, you may prefer another, increasingly popular choice: in the first stage of a man-woman relationship, not sleep with your partner at all. You let the relationship progress without physical intimacy and don't have sex until you both feel ready for mutual commitment and monogamy, no matter when that happens.
How to start a relationship wisely?
Do not rush. And figure it out:
- Why do you really need a relationship? What do you expect from them?
- The thought “I need him/her” is often present. Listen (!) - at the beginning of a relationship you are already pulling the blanket over yourself. Feel the difference: “what can I GIVE him or her?” and “I EXPECT love and care from him.” Did you catch it?
In nature, an outgoing flow generates an incoming flow, and nothing else! In other words, in order to receive something, you must first be able to give it.
The expression of the famous psychologist Alan Eril came to mind: “I don’t need you, but I love you.” Think about it...
- What conclusions are drawn from past relationships? If they are akin to the aggressive “all women are s...”, and “men are goats...”, before you have time to blink an eye, you will definitely meet just such people. In the case of victim psychology, a new tyrant is just around the corner. Without dealing with the past, the present will never come...
You may object, who would delve into themselves?
Give up and plunge headlong into new passions. Your will. Does this exit remind you of anything? Forgetting, forgetting is akin to a drug... And what usually happens when the dope dissipates? Withdrawal. Draw conclusions. Read also: How to save a relationship? - using the Access Bars method
Stages of love: falling in love, getting used to...
There are 7 stages of love:
1. Falling in love (stage of attraction) 2. Accustoming (stage of saturation, then satiety) 3. Quarrels (stage of disgust) 4. Patience 5. Service 6. Friendship 7. Love
And now more details.
1. As a rule, relationships begin with falling in love. When a man and a woman are fascinated by each other, immersed in passion, feelings, romance. Candy-bouquet period due to hormonal levels. And it usually lasts from 3 months to 2 years.
2. Next comes the habituation stage. When romantic relationships have reached their peak and become commonplace. Saturation stage. And then satiety. This relationship is reminiscent of the weather before a thunderstorm: everything is suspiciously quiet, calm, but there is already a smell of storm in the air.
3. Quarrels. Disgust stage. The conflict has matured and is manifesting itself openly.
! These three points describe one of the most common scenarios for relationship development. (attraction) - (saturation, satiety) - (disgust). At the stage of quarrels, people separate in the hope that they will have better luck with another partner. But as a rule, the situation repeats itself.
4. Patience. At this stage, people understand that they must endure the conflict. The stage of quarrels passes, the relationship seems to be renewed. A new round begins. Again falling in love, addiction, quarrels, patience and... a new round.
! This is another possible scenario for the development of relations. Now they can be longer. Partners already know that quarrels are just a certain stage, after which there will be a new round of relationships. Such couples either break up when the resource of patience runs out, or they have a desire to find a real stable platform for harmonious relationships. Then they can move up to the next level.
5. Service. This is a radically different approach to developing relationships. In fact, only from this stage do we begin to approach the concept of “love”. If at the previous stages the motives were quite egocentric, then here the idea appears to serve the partner, to act to satisfy him.
6. The next stage in the development of relationships is friendship. It builds on the previous one, on service; when a couple accumulates a “bank of trust” and gratitude.
7.! At the end of this long and difficult journey, the couple receives a well-deserved reward - true love, which no longer stops or weakens over time, but only increases.
It is believed that going through all seven stages can take about 12 years or more...
Trust and respect
This stage can be called the beginning of love. Yes, yes, there was no true love before the fifth stage.
Partners who have acquired wisdom and survived the typhoons of scandals truly respect and value each other.
We can say that they have already experienced so much that they can now walk together hand in hand. Trust each other completely, care, support, be faithful and truly love.
How often, after a few months of a relationship, a partner declares that he is madly in love with his other half and is ready to spend his whole life next to him?
?
Can a relationship that lasts several months be called true love?
Psychologists say that a true feeling of love comes only after years of living together and on the way to it a couple goes through several stages
. What stages of love in a relationship exist?
How to improve a relationship with a guy at a distance? will help you!
Stages of love in women. Rejection
This is the name of a condition in which partners begin to doubt their choice of a life partner. At this stage, disputes often arise, people are engaged in sorting things out.
This is the third stage of love out of 7 stages. It is considered the most difficult. Many family unions cannot overcome this stage and fall apart. Why is this happening? The reason is that people try to subjugate their partners and are not tolerant of their views, personal characteristics and shortcomings. Some start new families, but face similar problems. After all, if you do not show tolerance towards a loved one, you cannot achieve true love.
Through the eyes of psychologists
The initial ardent love is actually still far from true love
. In our society, the concepts of “infatuation” and “love” are often confused.
Not all couples achieve true love; some do not have the patience and strength to overcome all the obstacles that appear along the way. Many people get stuck in stages of disgust, unable to reach humility and calm their passions.
Such couples most often break up.
This may happen forever, but in some cases the partners get back together, returning to the first stage of falling in love.
They begin to go through all the stages again, again reaching disgust, which leads to a new separation, or is successfully overcome a second time.
Maintaining relationships at a decent level is very hard work.
, which is not available to everyone.
On the path to true love, there are a large number of obstacles that must be overcome in order to find peace and tranquility in the family.
All happy couples once went through the stages of satiety and disgust in order to “grow” great love from a seed
to each other.
Is there love at a distance? find out right now.
Is it true that love lasts 3 years? Find out from the video:
Why do you need to know the stages of a relationship between a guy and a girl? Understanding the laws of psychology helps you find the right line of behavior and avoid pain and disappointment, laying the foundation for deep and harmonious relationships for life.
So that situations do not happen when a 28-year-old girl with the baggage of unsuccessful personal relationships, with the pain of repeated breakups, with the conviction that “all men only need one thing,” felt devastated, deceived and disappointed.
And the guys, on the other hand, having similar experience behind them, were not confident that all women were selfish, they could see the one and only priceless one for whom they were ready to perform feats, save the world and make dreams come true.
Psychology tracks the stages of development of any relationship, including between young people of the opposite sex, and describes their main characteristics and duration. Each stage has a special significance for male and female nature, which is important to know for those seeking to find a couple and create a happy family.
Let's look at how the stages develop over time.
Stages of love by year. What could be the stages of love in psychology by year?
It is unlikely that couples who managed to overcome the temptations of all stages and come to the final stage will remember how many months (years) this or that stage lasted.
This is very individual - some become a full-fledged family in 5-7 years, while others may take a quarter of a century.
It is not for nothing that popular wisdom calls only the date of the 50th anniversary of marriage “golden”: a huge period of time must pass for the spouses to become, as they say, “do not spill water.”
Many note that by this time they even become similar in appearance to each other.
Why do we need knowledge of the stages of love? It's simple: with this information, every young family will be prepared for the difficulties of the first years of life together.
Crises will not end in divorce: on the contrary, they will push the couple to a new round of relationships.
The spouses, knowing that the highest reward awaits them - love - will overcome all difficulties together, and their love boat will never run aground.
