Relationships with a married man are not approved by default, but, nevertheless, happen quite often. Both very young girls and experienced adult women can find themselves in such a situation. Some of them, in turn, also end up married. You can take such a step quite consciously, but someone finds out about the status of their lover too late.
Relationships with a married man, advice from a psychologist
Content:
- What to do if the chosen one does not leave the family?
- Triangle with one leg and two hypotenuses
- How to break a painful relationship?
- Advice from a psychologist for an unmarried girl
- What if this is love?
Of course, the easiest way is to be a prude and say that people don’t fall in love with married people, but everyone falls in love with everyone. That is life.
Not everyone is able to close their hearts to new feelings along with a stamp in their passport.
And this is not only a problem of improper behavior or upbringing.
Today we are talking about how to cope with the situation if you find yourself in a relationship with a married man, what to do if you can’t cope, what advice may be useful and whether psychological therapy sessions will help.
Psychology – the “Why” aspect
So why are women constantly drawn to the seemingly forbidden? They are not blind, not stupid, and are often fully aware of what they are doing. As well as the consequences. But all the same, as if into a pool, they rush headlong into dangerous, dubious relationships.
We can start with the fact that, of course, how many people there are, so many different opinions. Each woman had her own reason for starting such a relationship and each of them answered the question - Is it worth it? - differently. And, nevertheless, there is a specific number of reasons:
- Everything is ready. A married man is, as a rule, already an accomplished person. Both in the family, in society and in career.
- Freedom. You don’t need to wait for him to come home in the evening, cook his food, wash his clothes, or somehow keep track of your actions. Another woman is already doing all this. The mistress has much more free time, which she can spend on herself.
- Celebration atmosphere. If the wife sees a man in all his remarkable and not so beautiful, then the woman on the side is familiar only with his positive qualities.
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- Money. Comments here will be unnecessary.
- Reluctance to get married. Sometimes a situation happens when you want love, but getting married is quite the opposite. Then the point about freedom and easy relationships results in this one. A married man will not demand any special obligations from his mistress.
- Low self-esteem. The thought that there are catastrophically few good men around and the fear of loneliness sometimes push women to do something else. Therefore, they are content with “what is”.
- Hopes. Love is evil... or, to use the proverb: without fish, there’s cancer – fish. Especially if this “cancer” every now and then promises to leave his family for her, beloved and unique. And the woman believes these words. And this belief in her exclusivity, that everything will be different for her than everyone else, forces her to remain in such relationships. But life is not a film with a lyrical ending or a love book. In reality, such promises often remain empty promises.
Relationships with a married man - advice from a psychologist if the chosen one does not leave the family
And let’s say you fell in love and started a relationship with someone who was ringed.
Most likely, it turned out a little later that he was married - purely theoretically, you should say goodbye as soon as you found out.
And not because I feel sorry for his wife or children, but because this path itself leads to nowhere.
Date after date can drag on for years, and you suddenly realize that this is not just a stranger who was attracted by lust or interest, but a part of life. It is no longer possible to refuse it.
Anyone can find themselves in a love triangle
Ideally, if your goal is not self-interest and life experience (negative, yes), end novels, even if it happened/couldn’t stay better right away.
If not, then you will have to suffer and suffer.
And this relationship will cause a lot of suffering - it’s easier to say that your whole life will consist of illusory hopes “he doesn’t sleep with her because she’s scary and tired of her.”
You will have to think about this constantly: at work, in transport, in the gym, in the grocery store.
You will have to be better, you will have to be strong and not complain, because the wife complains, and a weak mistress solves her problems herself.
And you shouldn’t tell others about this relationship.
Of course, there is male solidarity and all boys love to show off their girlfriends to safe friends.
But you must understand that you can be alone at any time. Why do you need bad fame?
It will not be possible to build a full-fledged relationship with someone who is not free.
Therefore, it is especially important to remember every day about banal but necessary self-development - do not get hung up on his interests, remember that you yourself are interesting until you nag and turn into a worse copy of your other half.
This is often and often what happens in protracted relationships between lovers - everything is debugged, and there is no point in changing anything. At this time, you sincerely believe that the man is going to get a divorce.
How to end a relationship?
Secret meetings and constant secrecy can also adversely affect the general background of life. Especially with a man who is younger than his second chosen one. You need to decisively declare this intention to your married partner, calmly and rationally convey your point of view to him. This relationship does not have the future that you want. You will have to come to terms with the separation and be sure to ask them never to bother you again. This is difficult, but otherwise, instead of a period, a blurry comma will appear in the relationship. Especially if a man tries to dissuade his mistress from such a “hasty decision.” It could be a parting gift in the form of a last date or something similar. But in reality, this is just a trick to avoid ending the relationship.
Interesting videos on the topic:
Triangle with one leg and two hypotenuses
The classic love triangle of a relationship with a married man was one of the first to be described by the father of psychoanalysis, Dr. Freud.
And, of course, he found the reasons in our early childhood, where the mother-father-child relationship gives weakness.
This is why psychologists advise giving your child all the fullness of feelings.
The problem of a lack of fatherly love with jealousy and a feeling of betrayal may not let a woman go as an adult, forcing her to try on the role of a mistress, but not a wife, because her dad set an example.
The reason may be a lack of paternal attention
Indicative in this regard can be considered the case of Carl Jung and his common patient with Freud, Sabina Spielrein.
Those who are not familiar with this story can watch the film “A Dangerous Method,” but even those who have heard it don’t know: the real threat to the relationship between Jung and his wife happened after a painful story with a patient in love.
The doctor's new mistress not only started a relationship with him, knowing that he was a married man, but also became an almost full-fledged member of the family.
And what advice from psychologists can be considered working, if this is quite common practice for psychologists themselves?
Still from the film “A Dangerous Method” by David Cronenberg
Bunin and his friends, Lilya Brik with their husbands and Mayakovsky, Stravinsky and his wife and Coco Chanel lived something like this...
The affair between Leon Trotsky, Frida Kahlo and his wife Natalya, who endured what was happening, is legendary.
But, perhaps, the tragedy of the opera diva Maria Callas and billionaire Aristotle Onassis especially stands out against the general background.
Being a brilliant singer and a self-sufficient woman, she left her husband for him, and he married Jackie Kennedy and chose to leave Maria as his lifelong mistress.
Callas tried on the mask of a victim, could not overcome her feelings and left not only the stage, but also her life.
Maria Callas and Aristotle Onassis
Exit from the cage
Sooner or later, the realization comes that the man is still not going to leave the house with children and a married woman, but he no longer wants to put up with this. How to end such a relationship?
The advice of psychologists is quite simple: you need to mentally prepare yourself before breaking off a relationship with a married man. Write down all his shortcomings on paper and look at this piece of paper more often. Think about the question: is it really necessary? Most likely, the mistress of a married man has no prospects in terms of her own family well-being. And sooner or later, every woman will want to have her own children and a normal family. Then karma will definitely not be on this woman’s side...
Relationships with a married man - advice from a psychologist on how to break a painful relationship
In such a situation, it is important to understand that what happened is not only your fault, but also a disaster that needs to be dealt with.
And there is no instant solution to the problem.
Stop googling YouTube videos in the hope that twenty-five-year-old coach Ivan, a relationship specialist who is tired of being a manager, will solve your problem. Contact a good psychoanalyst.
To meet with you, he will steal time from the family and vice versa
Think about how a relationship with a married man could end:
- You will stop believing other men, and the advice of even the best psychologists will not convince you otherwise when he says that he is not leaving because of a child who has recently turned twenty.
- The situation may drag on and begin to seem so special that normal relationships will no longer be interesting to you.
- If he cheats on his wife, you will also fall under the wheels of the car, although it seems that he loves you in a special way.
- You will hate holidays, weekends and will start going to the toilet with your phone - suddenly your loved one will find forty minutes to meet. It will be impossible to call back.
- If you are not a woman of iron willpower, you will endlessly force him to justify himself, thereby forcing him to lie more. The fact that both you and your wife have to lie to him equally is little consolation.
- You will probably become bitter, hate your married friends, and in the future you risk being left alone. “In old age” sounds vulgar, but, unfortunately, it is the honest truth.
- The fact that you put pressure on pity will not change the situation in your favor, rather the opposite. You appeared in his life not because he had enough problems and scandals.
- You will have to carry the energy of his entire family - his wife, children, immediate and distant relatives. You will not only be aware of how they are doing, but over time you will also begin to take an interest yourself in order to find out that everything is bad with them. Do you need it?
The longer the relationship, the more difficult it is to break it.
As practice shows, married women may be the least affected by relationships with a married man.
Actually, married people often look for mistresses in their native swamp - so that an affair on the side does not threaten the family.
And the most valuable advice that can be given to families is to figure out why the affair happened.
If this is not everyday fatigue and a mistake, from which no one is immune from the essence of human nature, perhaps it’s really time to put an end to marriage.
If not, the ideal option is to return to your family and team, as one nasty woman advised another, wearing terrible roses.
Advice: watch “The Bridges of Madison County” (1995), this film by Clint Eastwood will help you take a fresh look at some aspects of relationships outside of marriage and their reasons.
An affair can happen with a married woman. Still from the film “The Bridges of Madison County”
Relationships with a married man - advice from a psychologist for an unmarried girl
The situation is much more difficult if she is young, beautiful and unmarried, and he, to use politically correct language, is a man with disabilities.
If you believe the same gurus of psychoanalysis, every representative of the stronger half is looking for a woman for a reason, but for some reason.
And most likely, she will remain what he was looking for her for forever.
In this case, there is too much for romantic relationships, everyday life in his life.
Young and unspoiled people are chosen not only because of their beautiful, fit bodies, but also because they can be experienced, smart, and strong next to them.
Being or seeming no longer matters.
Wives stop admiring them, become completely absorbed in their children and cannot put on the mask of a new woman every day in order to be different for one, as Ernest Hemingway wrote.
You also chose him, because a stranger's man is always a man with a sign of quality.
Let's take the great and powerful Picasso as an example - he left his girlfriends when they were sixteen, and the older Picasso himself became, the older his mistresses were.
Are you ready to endlessly share it with another and compare yourself with her?
Of course, I must say that a sick relationship needs to be ended the sooner the better, change your life, work, hobbies and clothes, ideally live alone and not rush headlong into a new romance in order to forget the old one.
The last mistake is especially common among girls. But this way you run the risk of not meeting new love, but of stepping on a well-known rake.
If his feelings are real, you will know it by his actions.
How does behavior change?
Often all changes occur quite smoothly. Sometimes it’s not even clear when the boundary between friendly feelings and feelings of love has blurred.
It is important for a woman to know that a man is in love with her , since the further development of the relationship already depends on her .
If she does not notice changes in her attitude towards herself and continues to communicate in a friendly manner, then the man may begin to demand more, and in this case the whole relationship will come to naught.
