Mature male narcissist
All people want to be loved, respected, to have recognition and weight in society for many years. It is especially important to love yourself. But sometimes it is easy to step over the line of adequacy of such a desire - to accept self-love not as an opportunity to give to others, but as a satisfaction to one’s personal ego. After some time, the pathological nature of such a choice becomes noticeable to others.
This is called narcissism - a character trait that reveals excessive self-love, inadequately inflated self-esteem and a sense of self-superiority, which is reflected in communication. Men (no matter how old they are) also have this feeling, albeit not in an open form: they want personal recognition in the family, at work, among friends. To be the best defender, the most exemplary family man, or, conversely, the most reckless reveler and heartthrob! For narcissism, the sphere of manifestation is not important, the main thing is to show your “I” everywhere, love only yourself and perform all actions for your own good.
Freud considered it an integral part of every personality, and modern psychology argues that it is a serious disorder.
Signs of male narcissism
If you doubt that a man you know suffers from narcissism, psychology has identified signs that will help determine this.
* A feeling of his own elitism, peculiarities - a man constantly focuses in conversation, in his stories on himself, on how amazing he is and that is why everything happens well, and if it happens badly, then he is great, and everyone else is not;
* Indifference to other people's lives and the problems of relatives. You can often encounter interlocutors who, in response to any comment about your life, do not comment on it in any way, but answer “but here I am...”.
* Idealization. You can idealize not only yourself, but also everything around you: work, friends, women. This stage is quickly followed by devaluation, when the man becomes disappointed and falls into frustration.
* Trying to prove to the world that he is worth something. These people can often appear in public places, demonstrate their many talents and be proud of themselves, regardless of whether there is a reason for this. They very pompously extol their role at any event.
* Rejection of criticism. It is very difficult for a narcissist to believe that someone does not like him, and that someone is not in
delighted with his actions. Any indication of their wrongness or imperfection can ignite a spark within them that will set everything on fire; and the reaction can be unpredictable. Narcissists often react quite aggressively to any type of comment, always arguing, defending their point of view, absolutely not listening or accepting another.
* A narcissist is an excellent manipulator. A skilled manipulator can force his loved ones to praise himself in order to kill two birds with one stone: stop listening to reproaches (because his relatives will not want to hurt him) and feed his ego forever. The narcissist creates a story around him - an ideal self, so that everyone thinks what an amazing person he is and a spark of delight should be reflected in the eyes of the narcissist's listener.
* Perfectionism. This can be considered a positive trait as long as it does not develop into tantrums, dissatisfaction with others and with oneself. Psychology claims that in women this is manifested in the example of children: a manipulative woman forces children to learn better and learn a lot so that she considers herself a good mother.
If the manipulator is a man, then he will “build” his woman for many years, because... this is what speaks about his status in society.
* Competitive element. The desire to compete and win is what characterizes narcissism. A narcissist and manipulator will not be able to live with the idea that someone is better, that someone is loved more. This will drive him and the people close to him crazy, but he will not stop and will continue to engage in all-consuming oppression.
* Envy. The inability to implement plans or their complete absence (combined with enormous conceit!) gives rise to an envious attitude towards other people's successes and gloating towards other people's failures.
Even if you understand that your man is a narcissist, the most important thing is that he has “6 signs of a real man” .
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Who is he?
This man is capable of loving sincerely, passionately and endlessly, but, unfortunately, only himself. Narcissus's love goes beyond all boundaries and becomes a serious test for him. The fact is that he considers himself the most beautiful, intelligent and talented, and it is natural that with such conceit our hero makes serious demands on life. If life fails to cope and demonstrates its realities to Narcissus, he begins to show aggression towards others. Since the egocentrism of a narcissistic man knows no bounds, he demands even from the closest people worship and unquestioning fulfillment of his requests.
However, he himself does not let anyone near his soul, does not want to help anyone and does not want to sacrifice himself for the sake of anyone’s interests. He simply does not see the point in this and therefore internally remains a very lonely person. Nevertheless, Narcissus has many loyal fans who fall for the self-confidence that our hero demonstrates. Women are ready to endure any antics of a handsome, intelligent and talented macho in every way, if only he would be nearby.
By the way, Narcissus makes very contradictory demands on his chosen ones: he wants the woman to look great and at the same time endlessly admire him.
If it is not possible to combine the two in one, a narcissistic man gets an ugly wife so that she will look at him admiringly and greedily catch his every word, and for going out he finds interesting and chic companions who increase his rating in the eyes of others. Do not doubt that Narcissus wants to be the center of attention of beautiful ladies and consoles himself with the thought that anyone would give himself to him. By the way, this trait makes him similar to Don Juan, but unlike the Heartbreaker, our hero does not dissolve in anyone even for a short time and, in fact, is attracted only to himself.
It is worth noting that the causes of narcissism are ambiguous. Most often, they are rooted in childhood - say, if the boy was the center of the family and his parents fulfilled any of his wishes. But it also happens that excessive narcissism develops with age, for example, if a man has developed an unconscious, repressed lack of self-confidence. As a result, the Narcissist develops a passionate desire to devour those around him and make them carriers of his narcissism; if those close to him stop admiring our hero, he will be very upset.
First date.
Today you can see mirrors everywhere: on city streets, in elevators of shopping centers and in restaurants, but we sometimes run past without noticing them. On a date with Narcissus, Narcissus's chosen one will probably rediscover the city and be amazed at how many reflective surfaces there are in it. A narcissistic man will not miss the chance to admire himself wherever he can see at least his outlines.
In his speech there will be many constructions beginning with “I”, he will endlessly tell stories about his exploits and victories, he will not forget to mention how everyone loves and respects him, he will definitely note that he is a welcome guest of literally every popular establishment in the city, and will tell you how his colleagues value him.
In a restaurant, Narcissus may speak arrogantly to the waiter, demonstrating his superiority. He will take a long time, like a true gourmet, to choose a dish, or, on the contrary, he will make a quick order: “As usual for me, you know,” once again reminding his companion that he is a frequent guest of decent establishments.
On a date, Narcissus’s chosen one will not have to say much. He will not let the lady get bored and will tirelessly tell amazing stories from his wonderful life. But it’s better for a woman not to skimp on words of admiration, because a narcissistic man has no immunity to flattery.
Meeting friends.
If a modest and plain-looking woman is lucky enough to take the place of Narcissus’s companion, an official acquaintance with friends is unlikely to take place, and during casual meetings her silent role will consist only of listening carefully to her hero and quietly laughing at his jokes.
But Narcissus will gladly introduce his charming and beautiful chosen one to his comrades in order to hear from them another portion of praise and admiration. The evening for a narcissistic macho will be especially successful if a stunning companion publicly utters several compliments addressed to him and demonstrates her endless, passionate, mind-blowing love for him.
In principle, Narcissist's relationships with friends cannot be called ordinary. Often he meets with them not only to chat in pleasant company and share impressions, but also to hear another portion of flattery. Therefore, he carefully selects his comrades: he does not need strong and self-sufficient individuals, while he will always be glad to see plain-looking, insecure, not so successful people in the circle of his admirers.
Meeting the parents.
Of course, narcissism is not formed in a person for no reason, and, as we have already said, often endless love for oneself is brought up in a child by parents, for whom the son is the meaning of life. Or maybe a single mother sacrificed everything for her son, worried that her boy was deprived of his father’s attention (this is a trap that parents often fall into). In any case, there is a high probability that our hero was surrounded by the attention and endless care of his family. Tired parents did not dare to refuse him anything and quite sincerely believed that their son was special and the best. Therefore, when dining with Narcissus’s family, you don’t need to skimp on compliments and praise, you need to thank them for the ideal man: “I admire you, you were able to raise a wonderful person.” And then, having said goodbye to their dear guests, the happy spouses will look at each other and sigh with relief: “We have handed over our son to good hands, now we can rest.”
The first year of family life.
The narcissist will not waste time and from the very first days of their life together will try to convince his newly-made wife that she has got the best man in the whole world for her husband, who requires special attention. A narcissistic man must act quickly so that the chosen one, who did not have time to take off her rose-colored glasses, believes in his uniqueness.
Gradually he will absorb his wife, making more and more demands on her. As a result, the young wife’s diary will be filled with numerous entries: breakfast in bed, a spoonful of sugar in the coffee, never dilute it with cream, don’t ask questions until eight in the evening, ventilate the room before bed, make an appointment for a haircut, fold shirts in the order of the color wheel. Such a diary will make the life of a woman in love much easier, because Narcissus often finds fault with every little thing that affects his area of interest, and if something upsets our hero, he will show aggression. Even on vacation, Narcissus will not leave his family idle, demanding their attention: he will start calling and giving instructions, the main thing is to make the world constantly revolve around him.
Unfortunately, not everyone manages to establish close contact with this man. The fact is that his “I” is so huge that there is simply no room left for the “we” space in Narcissus’ life. He will never think about whether a woman is comfortable next to him, whether she needs something and how to help her. The narcissist is convinced that his wife had already won the main prize when he proposed, which means it is simply indecent to complain to her.
If the spouse begins to make her claims and expresses a desire to be realized, our hero enters into a serious struggle with her. The narcissist is convinced that his companion should be the bearer of his narcissism and live for the sake of his happiness, and she has no use for her own “I”. In addition, a narcissistic man is very envious, so he will do everything to deprive his partner of the opportunity to realize himself.
In sexual terms, the Narcissist first of all thinks about how to add points to himself, and he regards a woman’s satisfaction only as a way to get another portion of admiration, so sexual intimacy for him is nothing more than a way to amuse his vanity.
As a father.
The Narcissist's self-centeredness extends to all areas of his life, and children are no exception. This man may not love or recognize his child if he does not meet his ideals, for example, does not demonstrate success in the gymnastics section or is overweight.
Our hero wants to be proud of his child, but at the same time, the feeling of love and affection for his loved one does not have much meaning for him. The narcissist will easily push the baby out of his consciousness and distance himself from him if the child is sick or unable to fulfill his father’s demands.
If fatherhood is important to Narcissus, he will be able to devote his precious time to his family, but the man will again be guided not by feelings for loved ones, but by the desire to satisfy his own interests. However, more often the Narcissist perceives children as a forced element of life and hopes only that they will not invade his comfort zone.
Other women.
Narcissus needs the attention of women like air. He will lose his appetite and suffer from insomnia if at one fine moment he does not see a single admiring lady. By the way, casting for the role of our hero’s hopelessly in love fan is not difficult to pass: a wife’s friend, a neighbor, or a cashier at a store will do. The narcissist will try to devour any woman who comes into his sight, but will not necessarily cheat.
The main thing for a narcissistic man is to receive enough compliments and attention from others. At home, he will tell his wife how the manicurist admired him and what the neighbor on the third floor said about him, remembering once again every gesture and every word of his fans, he will increase his rating. He can post his photos on social networks, expecting admiring comments from his friends. He will show every review to his wife: “Just look what they wrote about me!”
In old age, a Narcissist may acquire a mistress, but not to satisfy sexual needs, but rather to make an impression in society (an exhausted wife is unlikely to be suitable for this role).
Career.
Often the Narcissist views work as a way of obtaining pleasure; he dissolves in it and enjoys his perfect abilities. Since the assessment of others and universal recognition are important to this person, he can achieve great success in the field of art or, for example, in politics. He strives for fame and glory, and in order to achieve his goal he will sacrifice everyone around him. In addition, the Narcissist will not do work whose results are not visible to everyone. Thus, an accountant in a large company is not a position for Narcissus, but he will happily work as a sales manager because his colleagues will know about his achievements.
A narcissist may be interested in the opinions of close people about his work, but he will only expect rave reviews from them. If his relatives say that some moments confuse them a little, he will take their words as an insult.
In 20 years.
Sooner or later, Narcissus's wife will come to the realization that she devoted her whole life to him, and received nothing in return. From this moment on, serious clashes will begin in the family: Narcissus, who is not accustomed to sacrifice, is unlikely to want to change, and his wife is unlikely to want to remain the same devoted fan.
Unfortunately, divorcing a narcissistic man can turn into a real nightmare, since the Narcissist sincerely does not understand how he can be left. He immediately begins to hate his wife and strives to do everything to ruin her life: he sues for property, tries to take away the children, spreads unpleasant rumors.
Therefore, a woman who is not ready for altruistic love throughout her life is better off taking off her elegant thin-heeled shoes and running away from Narcissus to where the boundaries of his selfish world end.
Fears.
The narcissist always wants to be the center of attention of loved ones, so fear is caused by anything that can take this attention away from him: his wife’s pregnancy, paternity, or, for example, successful competitors. Our hero is also worried about experiences related to the sexual aspect of life; he is also afraid of his wife’s betrayal and does not want to be abandoned. This character quickly gets used to good things, so he is often afraid of financial ruin; in addition, Narcissus is sensitive to his own health, so he is afraid of various diseases. In general, the level of aspirations of our hero is very high, so he may have a full range of fears - any loss or threat of deterioration in the quality of life will frighten him.
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Causes of narcissism
* Parental oppression in childhood. Many older relatives can prove to a child for many years that they will love him only if he is the best student, the fastest in sports, art, craft, etc. Often, loved ones simply want to make their unfulfilled dreams come true in a child, constantly demanding from him the results desired by the parent. Then the child begins to strive to fulfill the parents' expectations in order to feel loved and receive more attention from them.
* Lack of attention and care. Children often have to express themselves more strongly in order to receive more affection from their mother or father and to attract their attention. In childhood, this is either successful or not, but in any case, this desire persists at the age of 20-50.
* Excessive praise at an early age. If for many years a child is taught that he is better than everyone else, without any prerequisites, but simply because he is, the child will quickly internalize this idea; and will continue to demand the same attitude from less close people: classmates, teachers, colleagues. Disappointment will befall them when they realize that they can’t just get praise, and something needs to be done for this.
Safety precautions
If you really want to continue communicating with this type of man, you will have to take care of your own safety. But it is important to be aware of how great the danger is of submitting to his power and forgetting about your interests and desires.
This type of man chooses a “victim” with a strong sense of guilt, because it is easier for her to manipulate. He feeds off her insecurities and worries, increasing his self-esteem at the expense of others.
- When communicating with a narcissist, set certain boundaries for yourself. Understand that you can't tolerate everything. If a man breaks you, then you should leave him. Narcissists like their lifestyle and are unlikely to change it.
- Therefore, enjoy the bright moments without planning to start a family with them. Don't let yourself be destroyed, because you are worthy of sincere love.
Male narcissism at 40
If before the midlife crisis (about 35 years old) a narcissistic man is able to realize his own aspirations, develop and move forward, slowly solving problems on the path of life, at the age of 40 a man slowly begins to become disillusioned with everything he does, with himself and with life. values. Everything is called into question. That's why this phenomenon appears.
Psychology describes a mature narcissist as a person who is unable to take care of himself. This is a man who has lost his bearings. When they realize that they finally want warmth and attention from others (and everyone has already fled), men are still unaware that warmth must also be given in return. The former manipulator begins to think, “Why don’t they love me?”, but it’s already difficult to correct this when a man has lived for himself for 40 years. He will continue to project self-love onto others. And when starting a new relationship, he will continue to convince himself and his partner that he is the most amazing and if the partner begins to convince him, the narcissist will break off the relationship, even if this is a very worthy and beautiful woman.
