A crisis in family relationships is actually a thing... necessary... Difficulties and obstacles are needed so that the two halves understand each other better and learn to adapt. Going through difficult periods, the family reaches a new level of development. Or falls to a lower level. It all depends on how you survive this crisis.
Why is there a crisis in family relationships?
Family... Such a small, but such a comprehensive word. You could say this is our whole life, because even despite the amount of time spent outside the home, we still return back to the family every time. Yes, and we work for her sake.
At first, this is a fascinating process, when the partners have not yet fully gotten to know each other, but over time it becomes a huge effort, because building harmonious relationships in a family is not an easy matter.
And so, after marriage, you plunge into the sea of married life. And no matter how rosy the situation may initially look, sooner or later you come across lumps of everyday problems, differences in views on raising children, and in general you often come to the understanding that views on life together differ.
In these cases, you shouldn’t give up what you started; you need to figure out the problem. Crises happen to everyone, even to people madly in love with each other. And when you understand this, it will be easier for you to cope with the threat looming over your family.
What is the family life cycle?
Simply put, this is the history of a family’s life, its development, the regularity of family events, its own dynamics, and so on. The causes of the family crisis lie in these same cycles. This life cycle is built from family events that can be defined as the most significant for the couple and their children. These processes have the maximum impact on changing the family structure. The family cycle is a set of events that occur throughout life and form the stages of the family life cycle.
Relationship algorithm from A to Z
This is what Artem Tolokonin says.
Psychologist, psychotherapist, sexologist, psychosomatics specialist, author of a unique technique, candidate of medical sciences. An expert in solving psychological problems of any complexity. Has been in private practice for over 25 years. Forbes magazine named him among the most successful psychotherapists in the world.
In any pair, a certain pattern can be identified; it differs only in the details. Let's try to figure out what stages are observed in the relationship between a man and a woman.
The first stage , and probably the most beautiful. as people say, the candy-bouquet period. People have just met, they are passionate about each other, and are enthusiastically exploring the facets of their partner. They are trying to hit. Charm. Bind.
The second stage is the time from the beginning of life together until the birth of children. “Getting in” of partners to each other. At this stage, new unexpected details often emerge that you have to put up with or back down.
Third stage. The time when you already know each other completely from head to toe, the time when you build a future together, raise children, strive for something
Fourth. The most difficult time for many, as parents, is preparing adult children for free swimming
And the last one , when the spouses acquired a new status as grandparents and were again left alone with each other.
The effect of a lopsided step. Reasons leading to collapse
Often the institution of family is subject to not only everyday troubles. Other important factors can also shake the stability of the situation. Namely:
- Over time, people face various kinds of problems, including psychological ones, which influences the change in point of view on their further existence
- Many couples are overwhelmed by the difficulties that arise with the advent of children and with their organization in life.
- Financial instability of either one or both spouses can also disturb the peace of the couple. This includes problems at work, dissatisfaction with financial situation
- Presence of outside opinions in the family. This happens if there is obvious interference from close relatives, or also if the couple lives on the territory of the parents of one of the spouses
- Over time, it may turn out that a man and a woman have different interests and hobbies than it seemed before
- And what is often observed is a lack of support. Either one of the spouses is simply not interested in the experiences of the other, or he considers them insignificant and unreasonable.
- Marriage at an early age. This is probably the most common reason for divorce in our time.
Calm, just calm
Growing children, going to work, the emotional burden of a woman is great. Now more than ever, a woman is close to having a lover. Don't lose your head, this is a 5-year crisis in the life of a married couple , you need to:
- Find ways to make women's lives easier. Assistant, nanny, relatives, household appliances, car - look for ways to reduce labor.
- Be emotionally restrained in conflict. Close your eyes and count to ten, and then shoot. Joke! Go to another room, turn on some music, get into a routine. Contain your hysteria. If there is no understanding, the tension in communication will only increase from shouting.
- If the stress is great, be sure to find an outlet:
- Go out into the forest and scream until you get tired.
- Give yourself permission to be depressed at certain times. For example, every Thursday from 18.00 to 20.00. Cry out loud, break dishes, listen to sad melodies - what you usually do when you are stressed. The main thing is not to take on the role of a victim in a relationship.
- Find your favorite activity , preferably meditative. Maybe it's time to learn knitting, embroidery, felting? Or go fishing with friends.
It's all in the details...
Every month the married couple gets one step closer to the moment of crisis. To recognize its approach, you need to have an idea about its “beacons”, which we often simply do not pay attention to.
- Stopping the development of relationships. At this moment, partners simply live their lives, slowly drifting on its waves.
- Sexual intercourse has practically ceased.
- The issues of raising children become insoluble; everyone follows their own pattern.
- Communication becomes rare.
- Resolving controversial issues through quarrels.
- One of the partners tries to win the leading position, not allowing the second to take part in resolving issues.
- Confusion in responsibilities. There are no clearly established boundaries.
Family crises by year
All these signs of an impending crisis are characteristic of different stages, which can be arranged in chronological order. Let's look at these stages and try to find ways to solve them
First three years
If you and your spouse have passed the milestone of your first year of life together, then be prepared for a crisis in the third year. By this time, you, in principle, have already completely gotten used to each other, you know all the pros and cons, but over time a number of circumstances occur due to which you have to change your usual way of life.
- A baby appears in the family, and then you, having received a new status, try on new roles. With this comes new responsibilities and responsibilities.
- Too many advisors appear on how and what you should do with your firstborn
- And the spouse is no longer as ideal as it seemed before!
And if you are faced with similar problems, think carefully about the current situation. It can be solved!
Just devote more time to each other, please your other half, look for compromises and be sure to limit your family from outside interference!
Five years later
This is a difficult time for both partners. A woman has a double burden. If before she could cope with the child and household chores, now she is back from maternity leave. And on top of everything else, she will have to re-enter the work process, remember everything that previously seemed so simple.
She starts to get tired faster. She has no time for sentimentality. A man, on the contrary, experiences a lack of attention to his person. Becomes irritable and often aggressive.
To avoid divorce after five years of living together, just talk, distribute responsibilities, and agree on methods of raising children. And try to be at least a little more attentive to each other.
Seven years of marriage
What makes this period different is that you have already gone through a lot. There are quarrels, disagreements, and solved problems behind us. It often happens that at this stage partners become completely uninterested in each other and become irritated for no reason. And then the threat of betrayal looms.
To avoid divorce, you need a complete reset. Refresh your relationship, add romance to it, remember how you enjoyed each other several years ago, add some spice to your sex life. Don't forget that problems need to be solved here and now, and not put them in a distant box. Remember this.
8 years
No less dangerous time for family relationships. During this period, partners in most cases cease to receive satisfaction from marriage. They don't need romance and a showdown.
And if you are facing a crisis at this time, don't insist. Get better at building your career ladder and self-development.
From ten to "devil's dozen"
A very difficult period, it’s not for nothing that we called it that. It stacks one slide after another. A wife who is no longer a girl. Children with teenage problems of transitional age. Cheating husband.
If you wish, it is quite possible to survive this difficult time while keeping your family together. Don’t try to immediately pack your “naughty” spouse’s bags; talk and find out the reason for his action.
Don't forget that there is no one person to blame for problems. Perhaps you stopped feeling like a woman, stopped focusing on your attractiveness, or simply “ate” your husband mentally.
In any case, it’s worth finding out everything and looking for solutions.
And even if you decide to cut from the shoulder, don’t be selfish, because you have children growing up, and they absorb all the negativity like a sponge in such a vulnerable adolescence.
15 years
Your children have already grown up, and you are gradually beginning to feel the approach of old age, even though it is still far away. You begin to rethink the years you have lived, to think about what you did not have time to do, but could have done.
During this period, try to surround each other with warmth and understanding, talk more often.
20 years together
It would seem that so many storms and adversities are already behind us. And yet you are together. But you will be tripped up again. Already from the woman's side. Inevitability. Climax. The woman becomes nervous and irritable.
At this moment, a man needs to gather all his patience, include understanding and give his lady at least a little romance, making her feel desired again.
Passed 35
So many years of life together flashed by. The couple settled down to many things, raised children, looked after their grandchildren, and made mutual friends.
And peace came into their lives. And with it comes sadness. And it is this villain who can push her spouse to cheat. Yes, yes, even at that age and after so much time. He could simply be bored with everyday life. Often a woman finds out about such betrayals by accident.
But even in this case, it is possible to pass this milestone by understanding everything and forgiving. And if a married couple survives this, then future relationships can become even brighter than in the first stages of their relationship.
Stages of a family crisis
Well, we have dealt with the types of crises, but it is worth understanding that the difficult situation itself does not come out of thin air, it accumulates gradually, just as relationships once began.
There are several stages of growing collapse in a relationship:
- Nervousness and groundless irritation. All this can be attributed to the influence of certain external factors and not given much importance, but this factor should not be underestimated
- At some certain point, a man realizes that his life has become monotonous and devoid of interest , he loses the desire for previously set goals. The woman also attaches importance to this and begins to notice changes in her chosen one. She begins to become disillusioned with her partner, thinking that she has thrown in her lot with the wrong person.
- Pettiness. The woman in this situation is trying to pull the blanket over herself, demanding from the man all his income, but he, in turn, does not do this. After all, he too may come to the conclusion that he chose the wrong woman as his companion. Here it is worth figuring out why the husband lost interest in his wife as a woman and try to correct the situation.
- The most dangerous stage. During this period, a man ceases to control himself and may well raise his hand against a woman. The relationship begins to be in complete chaos. The wife experiences constant stress, she is haunted by panic, and she ceases to feel like a woman. Her self-esteem drops to -1. A man, no matter how much of a leader he may seem to be at this moment, is immediately equated to the status of a loser. In frequent cases, it begins to attach itself to the bottle.
If the relationship has reached such a conclusion, then it is better to break up without torturing anyone. Perhaps after some time the couple will get back together, rethinking all their actions, but in most cases this does not happen.
All this stems from the fact that the first problem was not solved earlier. Therefore, don't be afraid to talk to each other. Decide. Live. Enjoy.
Content
- How long does the crisis last and its stages?
- Inspiration
- Disappointment
- Study
- Satisfaction
- What to do if there is a crisis in a relationship
- Bad example
- An example to follow.
- Is it possible to wait until the crisis passes on its own?
- Difficulties in overcoming a family crisis
Hello, friends! Today I will share with you new information about how to overcome a crisis in family relationships, based on practical work. I would really like to give instructions that you can quickly read and apply, but I can’t deceive you, it simply doesn’t exist. Understanding what is happening helps us quickly resolve difficult situations; for this purpose, there will be theory and examples. This will allow you to develop your own, unique way of solving crisis situations, will bring you closer to your partner, and if another crisis arises, and it will definitely come, you will already know exactly what to do.
