Fear of rejection is one of the deepest fears that prevents us from loving and accepting ourselves unconditionally. To learn about how the trauma of rejection affects behavior, words, the physical body, and relationships with parents, read the article Fear of Rejection: What is its cause and how to recognize it.
In this article we will look at the steps towards healing this trauma.
Admit your trauma
First of all, you need to recognize that the problem with a person who is afraid of being rejected is that he is rejecting himself. He does not notice his strengths, underestimates himself and convinces him that he cannot be truly loved. By recognizing that you are the source of rejection, you realize that you yourself create certain situations in your life and attract those people who show you your true behavior: how you treat yourself is how they treat you.
Treating Fear of Rejection
Experts say that the best way to cure fear of rejection is psychotherapy. An important problem on the path to recovery is the fear of rejection by the attending physician. Initially, the patient must tune in to close contact with the psychotherapist. The doctor’s task is to facilitate this.
Group therapy
It is the most effective treatment method. It will be a stressful situation at first. It is aimed at resolving internal conflicts, relieving tension, and correcting deviations in behavior. Working together, patients learn to analyze themselves and their interlocutor.
The first lesson will be difficult. The task of the psychotherapist is to get clients to work and create an atmosphere where they can share their experiences.
Patients should understand the following aspects:
- the true causes of fear;
- what does failure mean?
- Confidence can overcome fear;
- You shouldn’t always be right;
- enjoy your individuality and characteristics;
- fear can be turned into a way to grow, etc.
The patient will no longer be afraid of rejection. During group therapy, he will become familiar with different behavior patterns.
Different situations are played out that actually await the client. This could be an acquaintance, an interview, a holiday. Everyone must participate, otherwise there will be no effect from group work.
Group therapy is an effective treatment method
Allow yourself to be imperfect
Give yourself the right to be angry towards those who rejected you. We have already noted that the trauma of a rejected person most often arises from relationships with a parent of the same sex, which means that you allow yourself to experience hostility towards him. It is very difficult to agree with what you hate, because it means admitting that you are heartless, evil, and insidious. This means realizing that you are rejecting someone whom you yourself accused of rejecting. But without giving yourself the right to hate, you will not be able to free yourself from pain. Only by recognizing and accepting your anger can you get rid of it, gain understanding and compassion for your parents and forgive them.
Assessment of the situation
To overcome the fear of rejection and get rid of the stress and aggression that you experience every day in everyday situations, you will need to evaluate your fears yourself. For this you will need a landscape sheet and a pen.
The method is for you to highlight on a piece of paper the problems that most often bother you. Write down situations in which you feel you are being rejected or not perceived properly.
As a result, you will get the result of your experiences, which in most cases may turn out to be false. Analyze what you received and compare assessments of different situations. Try to reconsider your behavior, understand that in many cases you exaggerate the fear of rejection.
Forgive yourself
Understand that the root cause of any trauma is the inability to forgive yourself for the pain you cause to yourself or others . Forgiving yourself is not easy, but the deeper your wound of being rejected, the more accurately it indicates what you yourself are rejecting! We judge others for what we have in ourselves, because everyone can only see what they themselves have. Look at your situation with your parents. If you experienced rejection by your mother and now blame her for it, then by doing so you are rejecting her. Realize this and forgive yourself. You will probably feel a feeling of shame. It is natural to find shameful the behavior for which you reproach others. The spiritual law of love states that the more guilty you consider yourself, the more you punish yourself, the higher the likelihood of experiencing suffering again. So don't blame yourself. Just forgive me!
Symptoms
Fear of rejection can arise due to various personality disorders, so the symptoms of this type of disorder may differ in specific cases.
- People with narcissistic, selfish personalities tend to mask their fears with inflated self-esteem, self-idealization, lack of empathy, and excessive demands on others. This approach discourages the desire to have close ties with such a person.
- People with avoidant (anxious) personality disorder will try to avoid situations that would allow them to form stronger relationships with others.
- In people with a dependent personality, fear of rejection can manifest itself as a feeling of helplessness, subordination to someone, a lack of one’s own opinion, and a desire to shift responsibility for one’s actions to others. Such men and women are so subordinate to others that they cannot function independently. Therefore, their fear of loneliness is extremely strong.
- Nullophobia also appears in people with borderline personality disorder . Then the symptom may be going to extremes in social relationships (from love to hate) or emotional instability, instability that always stands in the way of a happy relationship.
- People with paranoid tendencies will mask the fear of rejection behind suspicion, mistrust, and long-term “encryption” of moral injuries.
Take off your mask
In order to hide your trauma of being rejected, you once put on the mask of a fugitive. She helped you go within yourself and not do anything that would cause others to reject you. This mask made you believe that you are not a very important being, that you do not occupy your place by right. You have adopted behavior that is not true to who you are. Now it is very important to accept not only your injury, but also the mask you put on to cover it and reduce the pain. Recognizing the mask means that you have realized that this is an attempt by your ego to protect you , and therefore thank yourself for the courage with which you maintained the mask and helped yourself to live. Finally, the time has come to take off the mask and decide for yourself that you can live even with trauma . You are now grown up and strong, and from now on you will love yourself more.
Manipulation
The patient seeks consolation from loved ones. He asks to hug and kiss him more often. Expects manifestations of affection and tenderness. To get what he wants, he goes through various manipulations:
- Bribe. They ask their loved one to give up plans for the sake of spending time together. Compensation can be a delicious dinner, a gift, or intimacy.
- Appeal to pity. They show their helplessness and suffering in public.
- A call for justice. They do a lot of good things for others, expecting the same reaction towards themselves. Causes victims to feel a sense of duty and obligation. Not getting the desired result, they become disappointed and offended.
At first, a person does not think about what causes a sense of duty in others.
Talk to your parents
Having freed yourself from the mask of a fugitive, find the strength within yourself and talk to your parents. Tell them about your trauma and how you experienced feelings of rejection. Very often, the parent in connection with whom we experience trauma experiences the same trauma because of us. It will surprise you, but your mother may say that she felt rejected by you. A sincere conversation will help both you and her release pent-up and often unconscious emotions. Since such traumas are sometimes passed down from generation to generation, your conversation can reveal a lot about your mother and about her mother.
Causes and problems
The root cause of any phobia is problems in childhood. Attitudes in the family influence consciousness and moral attitudes in everyday life. Childhood grievances give rise to fear of rejection, which accompanies a number of problems:
- inability to express your feelings fully;
- isolation;
- aggression;
- apathetic state;
- possible depression;
- lack of social contact.
Childhood and adolescence are the two main establishing periods in life. From birth we learn something new and learn a lot in the world through communication. The first social contact occurs with the mother and father, who at the proper level must prepare the child for society. Not all families can give love and care to their own due to lack of time. The result is a fear of rejection in adult life.
On the other hand, a woman who has become a mother may develop a fear of rejection. Due to postpartum depression, she withdraws into herself.
The same thing happens in adulthood, when a woman is visited by the fear of being rejected by her own children.
Adults often experience fear of rejection: Many married women experience the fear of being rejected by their husbands. The reason for this is the fear of being left alone; for the sake of imaginary happiness, a woman is ready to endure insults and humiliation. A man who in his youth was not successful with the opposite sex, experiencing fear of rejection, has problems with his personal life.
Love yourself
Love yourself, allow yourself to be yourself, no matter who you are or what you do. Love yourself unconditionally! You are a person, and you cannot please everyone, you don’t need to strive for this. You have the right to human reactions. There is no need to judge or criticize yourself. Do not what you think others will like, but what you yourself would like. Stop paying attention to other people. If someone pretends you're not there, that's their business, not yours. Remember that your nature is divine, light, beauty, perfection are initially present in you. Perfection does not mean being the most beautiful, the smartest and the kindest, or meeting someone else’s ideas and standards. Perfection means being yourself at every stage of life . Therefore, learn to love, for love is what you are. It will heal you from traumas, relieve you of fears and allow you to see God within yourself. Get well soon!
Especially for LadySpecial – Katerina Sent
The need for love and compassion
To get rid of the fear of rejection, sometimes you just need to see your need for love and compassion. Lack of love gives rise to callousness and rudeness in a person. Such people want to close themselves off from everyone and say that they don’t need anyone.
This is far from true: under the guise of brutality and anger, they hide their fear of being rejected, and are embarrassed to ask for love and tenderness.
If a person fails to get warm feelings, he can resort to one of the methods of manipulation.
- Bribe. The effect of the method is to ask: “I love you, and you?”
- Suffering is the easiest way to attract the attention of others.
- A cry for justice. This method is often used by parents who seek children's attention. The method is aimed at inducing feelings of guilt.
Genetic trauma 4 lines - Fear of rejection and betrayal
Genetic trauma 4 lines - Fear of rejection and betrayal
Rejection is the fear of being rejected, abandoned. This is the fear of betrayal. This then becomes a desire to reject others before they can reject you. The key to solving the problem is tenderness and care towards yourself and others. You need to learn to take care of yourself. The trauma of rejection develops a desire for communication, a desire to give other people the feeling that you are not alone.
Even if you have a different line, I highly recommend that you familiarize yourself with the information on the trauma of rejection, and on everyone else too, because we all experience these themes in one way or another through our environment; in our lives they can play out both occasionally and regularly. This information will also help you understand others better.
Any close relationship is built on six traumas (aka talents) and combinations of their interactions. If Mars of Design is activated by the 4th line in your bodygraph, you were born with the genetic trauma of rejection. This means that as a child you most likely experienced abandonment and rejection through your parents.
Remember that trauma is already imprinted in your DNA at the moment of birth, but it requires some kind of external impulse, a “trigger,” to become an active part of your life and your psyche. Most people experience a “broken heart” during adolescence due to unrequited love. Then, as we grow, the trauma of rejection turns into defenses within us. Out of fear of rejection, we learn to protect our hearts from this deep-seated pain. As a result, in life we begin to reject another person, fearing that he will abandon us first.
Moreover, rejection is not only about broken relationships and divorces—rejection can be very subtle. It takes a great deal of awareness and honesty to see how you do this. We manifest it through words or body language without even realizing it. It only takes seconds when we, defensively, demonstrate our non-acceptance to the other. Sometimes it’s only by a person’s reaction that we realize that we’ve already pushed him away.
Healing: Tenderness
Your greatest gift is tenderness. Tenderness first for yourself, and then for others. You will learn to be gentle with yourself when you are in pain and to be gentle with others when they are in pain. Thus, one's own tenderness becomes a weapon, after which there is nothing more to be afraid of. All rejection of any kind occurs due to a lack of self-love. We are afraid that we might be offended, but in reality no one else can be responsible for our openness. We ourselves open or close our hearts.
Look carefully at the Shadow of the corresponding Gene Key in the light of this fear, the fear of rejection. The Shadow theme here relates to your willingness or unwillingness to face the fear of rejection. On the other hand, the Gift and Siddhi of this key will help you understand exactly what qualities you need in order to find the basis of this fear and neutralize it.
The 4th line often carries its fear in the form of tension spreading in the chest area. Many people completely forget how freedom from this sensation can feel, because they don’t even notice its presence in the body. When your heart softens, you feel immense joy and relief at chest level. The word "mitigation" is key for the 4th injury. You need to learn to be soft and gentle with yourself when you are hurt and towards other people when they are in pain. The more skill you have in softening your heart, the easier your relationships will become.
No longer will you be a victim of someone else's need to push away, and even if someone treats you cruelly, you will have your own immediate reaction - letting go of the pain through tenderness and gentleness. We can clearly see how one trauma touches another. Out of fear of Rejection, we begin to blame the other for Lack of Love, feel our Unworthiness if we are abandoned, and experience Separation and Loneliness.
In fact, the most important thing is always to see that the other person, just like you, is acting out of trauma, and his actions are not directed against you personally - he is simply at war with himself. Not everyone is ready to accept this knowledge, and there is no point in conveying this to everyone. The most important thing we can do for the world is to take care of ourselves and cleanse our hearts of anger and resentment.
The best thing you can do when working internally with yourself is to return to difficult moments in life and relive them, filling them with acceptance. This way you will heal your aura and launch new opportunities in your life. We need to learn to live our lives not from trauma, without using the usual methods of defense. At first, it's like learning to walk again. It takes time for a skill to become a part of our life, and for emotions not to knock us out of a state of awareness.
The 4th line of trauma is the natural talent of warmth. Such people know how to GIVE a feeling of closeness and participation - such communication where no one is left. You always feel involved. Somewhere it feels like being accepted into a family, as if you are a soul mate by right of your existence. This is a truly amazing feeling of spiritual comfort and warmth. At the social level, this trauma is transformed into a Vocation. And when we finally transform this theme in relationships, we will have a wonderful opportunity to express our talents in a collective way.
And here they are Gifts of the 4th line:
− The ideal of open, heartfelt communication; − Success in business, working closely with people; — Diplomacy, focus on the right thing, the gift of persuasion; — They take control and lead everyone to a common ideal; − Solitude for recreation and social activities for the common good; − Impact on humanity; − The gift of opening people’s hearts; − Make others feel included.
Basic assumptions about relationships with people
Avoidant patients' schemas also generate dysfunctional assumptions about relationships with others. Patients may believe that they are basically unattractive, but that if they can hide their true selves, they will be able to deceive others, at least a little or for a while. Avoidant individuals believe that they must avoid getting close to people lest they discover the “truth” about them—that they are inadequate, “not like everyone else,” etc. Typical underlying assumptions are: “I have to pretend to get people to like me.” ", "If others really knew me, they would not want to communicate with me", "Once they get to know me, they will see that I am bad", "It is dangerous to let people close to you - they might see the real me."
If avoidant patients do establish more or less close relationships, they make assumptions about what needs to be done to maintain these relationships. They may go to great lengths to avoid confrontation and can be quite shy. Their typical assumptions are: “I have to please her all the time,” “He will only love me if I do everything he wants,” “I can’t say no.” They feel that they are constantly on the verge of rejection: “If I make a mistake, he will change his image of me in a negative direction,” “If I displease him, he will stop being friends with me,” “He will notice something in me.” lack and will reject me.”
How is rejection phobia formed?
The fear of rejection is called nullophobia. It begins to form in childhood. His reasons:
- deficit of parental attention;
- lack of friends and contact with peers;
- inability to build relationships with people, etc.
There are situations when a phobia is formed at a conscious age. It starts with not accepting yourself. Complexes about appearance, behavior, and other characteristics are the first reasons. A person is afraid of not fitting in in society, believing that it is difficult to communicate with him.
This feeling is toxic shame. Instead of analyzing the situation, there is self-destruction. It is important to overcome this condition so as not to worsen the situation.
