A person who communicates with people who have succeeded in a certain field will become successful. True, not everyone succeeds in this, and the reason is fear of people. It is not surprising that many are interested in how to stop being afraid of people.
Such individuals know that lack of communication is fraught with independent searches for answers to various questions. And big mistakes cannot be avoided. It is easier to move in the chosen direction, guided by other people's experience. Moreover, the quick achievement of important goals is facilitated by proven advice from people who have managed to achieve a lot in life.
Let's cover this topic in detail. I offer proven tips and recommendations that will help you get rid of fear.
- Treat people as acquaintances and friends. Most often, a person is afraid of another because he is not familiar with him. If you imagine a stranger as a friend, it will be easier to communicate. Are you not afraid to communicate with relatives and close friends?
- If you find the path to success and take active action, you will get rid of the fear of people and you will easily communicate with them.
- There is no fear as such. People are not afraid of others, but they are afraid of being rejected and misunderstood. Realize this and be confident.
- Fear is the reason why people rarely decide to make acquaintances. Although, they do not understand that inaction and fear of mistakes become the cause of defeat.
- How to overcome fear? Deal with what is causing it. Write down on a piece of paper what causes your knees to tremble, then act.
- Face your fears head on. Let's say it's scary to communicate. Gather your courage and chat with the first person passing by. You will see that in a few minutes the fear will evaporate.
- After this, a smile will appear on your face, because you realize that all the time you were afraid of your own illusions.
- Excellent weapons are a favorite pastime. While doing what you love, you will have to communicate with other people.
If the above methods are not suitable, pay attention to sports. Physical activity helps you forget your fears, improve your health and self-esteem. Get a strategic life goal and move towards it. The goal should be more important than fears. Otherwise, you won’t have to count on success.
Why is shyness dangerous?
Shyness and fear of people have common roots.
⦁ the second is more related to personality pathologies and manifests itself in the experience of a feeling of fear in the presence of strangers and in the process of communication;
⦁ first, it is considered a common occurrence and does not cause concern among parents if their child is inclined to be shy in company and avoid strangers, and is afraid to meet others. An adult considers this quality a character trait and a specific temperament that one does not need to do anything about, but just has to come to terms with.
Pathological fear of people is dealt with with medication or through sessions with a psychologist, but shyness is most often ignored. However, this is not entirely true.
In the context of life, shyness and inability to communicate can sometimes bring a person many problems and missed opportunities if you do not start working with it.
Shyness in most cases leads to:
⦁ narrowing your circle of contacts. It is difficult for a shy person to make acquaintances and communicate freely. Typically, such people limit themselves to interaction within the family circle. At the same time, most often they suffer because of this - because they actually need diverse communication;
⦁ shyness affects the objectivity of perception of the situation. When a problem or stressful situation arises, a shy person often becomes illogical and forgetful;
⦁ a shy person can rarely speak openly and defend his opinion;
⦁ shyness is the cause of depression and reduced emotional background; shy people tend to feel dissatisfaction;
⦁ the poor emotional and social life of a person who tends to be shy leads to physical weakness and fatigue, muscle tension, and stooping.
Based on the consequences of shyness listed above, it becomes obvious that it needs to be dealt with.
Shyness not only leads to negative experiences of fear and uncertainty, but also reduces social adaptation and significantly affects the mental and physical level of personal development.
Features of appearance and manifestation
It’s not just fear of the audience, but real panic that “covers” a person at the mere thought of performing. In the case of a phobia, the completely natural experience of an upcoming speech is replaced by an uncontrollable protracted attack when it is impossible to resist the incoming horror.
The fear of public speaking is manifested by external characteristic signs.
Glossophobia (another term may be used among specialists - “ peiraphobia”
") is noticeable to others in several ways:
- Uncharacteristic gestures and facial expressions;
- Voice characteristics: changes in timbre and sound strength;
- Increased sweating;
- Muscle overstrain, up to “jamming” of movements;
- Increased dry mouth (“dry throat”).
In addition, temporary muteness, fainting, and an attack of “bear sickness” (uncontrolled urination) are possible. The person literally falls into a severe stupor
. The severity of such symptoms depends on several factors:
- The general state of the human psyche;
- The presence of negative emotional states;
- Personality characteristics;
- Goals of the upcoming speech.
In the latter case, glossophobia can manifest itself in both low and high self-esteem, when too high expectations from reaching an audience are not met.
Watch a useful video on this topic
What to do?
Psychologists have developed exercises that, when completed, will help a person understand how to stop being afraid of people, reduce the overall level of anxiety and the tendency to be shy in relationships with people, and overcome their shyness.
1. In any communication situation, when you begin to be afraid of others, remember that shyness is an ordinary feeling that has no objective reasons. It arises on the basis of a chain of thoughts that follows the feeling - I will be funny, I will look ugly, I will not be able to speak decently, I am afraid to answer, etc. And all this happens in your mind, although in reality everything may look exactly the opposite. Always keep this in mind when you start to feel shy or afraid of people.
2. Act despite the feeling of shyness that appears. Try to meet new people more and talk openly about your feelings.
Each time you act to overcome your fears, you add a new positive experience to the “piggy bank” of your consciousness, on which your courage and confidence in relationships with people will subsequently be built.
3. Learn to talk and respond, thinking only about your purpose of communication, discarding all other thoughts. Forget all the “what if.” Keep in mind only your goal and options for achieving it.
4. When communicating with people, avoid excessive politeness and a large number of introductory phrases. Construct your conversation clearly and do not mumble. Learn to speak a little, but to the point.
5. In moments of particular anxiety and fear, use breathing techniques. In yoga, they are actively used and help manage your condition and minimize embarrassment.
Features of treatment
Professional hypnosis is very helpful in overcoming stage fright.
How to get rid of glossophobia? Depending on the severity, logophobia can be treated in two ways:
- Professional help. Contacting a psychotherapist is necessary only for those patients whose stage fright turns into obsessive-compulsive neurosis.
- Self-help. You can combat the manifestations of a phobia yourself using specially developed techniques.
Professional treatment
A psychotherapist may prescribe the following types of treatment to a patient:
- Simulation of the situation. The psychotherapist creates situations in which the patient experiences attacks of phobia and discusses them with him. The purpose of such activities is to show the glossophobe that public speaking is not scary.
- Symptomatic therapy. If the pathology is significant, then it is possible to take sedatives to suppress panic states.
- Hypnosis. In the most severe cases, the patient is put into a hypnotic state. This technique allows you to fight the root cause of the development of a phobia.
Self help
Logophobia responds well to self-treatment. Before overcoming the fear of speaking, the patient will have to follow these recommendations:
- Constant practice of public speaking. If speaking in front of a large group of people causes difficulties, then you should start with small meetings of 3-4 people. It is necessary to analyze the situation, work out its details and gradually increase the number of listeners.
- Recording victories. Every victory, no matter how small, must be written down. Keeping track of your achievements is the best way to combat a phobia.
- Confidential conversation. By starting to express your feelings openly, you can become a more open person, which will later come in handy when speaking in public. It is better to choose a close friend for a heart-to-heart conversation.
- Voice and facial expression training. Exercising in front of a mirror will give you the necessary self-confidence. By training for half an hour every day, you can achieve significant heights in public speaking.
It has options: fear of speaking in general or with strangers, fear of public speaking ( peiraphobia
) and stage fright, with stuttering (
lalophobia
), fear of individual words (
verbophobia
).
The phobia can be partial, in which case it is called selective mutism
. For example, a person suffering from logophobia speaks freely with a close person, experiences logoneurosis with less close ones and cannot speak with strangers, avoids them and responsibilities that require verbal contact with them.
How to “remove” shyness from your life
In addition to certain exercises that reduce situational shyness, allow you to manage your condition and not be shy in communication, psychologists have outlined rules for relating to life, yourself and other people. By building your lifestyle according to them, the question of how to stop being afraid of people will be closed:
1. Understand (on your own or with the help of a psychologist) the reasons for your shyness. Where did it come from? Why should you be shy and afraid and what benefits do you have from this? Write down the realizations you gain and refer back to them periodically.
2. Live with the understanding that people are primarily concerned with themselves, and there are no spotlights directed at you.
3. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Don’t forget that there are no ideal people, they are not divided into “good” and “bad” and you are not alone with your problem.
4. Always find reasons to praise and thank yourself. This needs to be done regularly.
5. Strive to communicate more, get acquainted with new opinions, take an interest and study others, less “digging” into your own experiences. The tendency to reflect is an important quality, but only in moderation. Excessive self-analysis drives you in circles, moving you away from reality and interaction with others. Strive to do, not dream.
6. Exercise regularly. Movement is the basis of life. Sport allows you to release accumulated negative energy of fear and anxiety.
7. Always be prepared that you may be refused or not appreciated. Figure out why this scares you and what is the worst thing that could happen? You should learn to accept the word “no”, don’t try to please everyone.
8. Give yourself the right to make mistakes. Perfectionism will be a bad thing for you. Remember, it is impossible to learn something without mistakes.
Only those who do nothing make no mistakes.
9. Don't waste opportunities to practice your social skills and communicate more. Learn from those who you think have overcome their shyness. Go to trainings on communication skills or public speaking from time to time, where you can learn not to be shy and speak openly about your feelings and desires.
10. Find comfortable communities for yourself. You shouldn’t do like everyone else - if the majority of people around you like to have fun in clubs and socialize at parties - this does not mean that you should do the same.
11. Always watch what you say and how. Notice people's reactions. Forget and distract yourself from your fear. In moments of anxiety, repeat: “I’m not afraid of people, they won’t do anything bad to me, I don’t have to please everyone.”
Paralysis from fear. Self-control
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Paralysis from fear. Self-control Soloink Logic.
A few random texts from the book.
2532. Spear.
Fear makes you weak. It is he who “brings together” your arms and legs, it is he who turns thoughts into viscous jelly. Fear is your enemy's first and strongest weapon. This is a spear with which he strikes from afar. Before you engage in battle with the enemy himself, you must destroy your own fear.
10.10765.
Viscosity and paralysis in response to fear is the effect of stopping time. It should not be feared, but used to calmly analyze the situation.
10.10764.
Fear slows down time. Mindfulness is the same fear. This is insight, this is the clarity of vision of every detail. Don't be afraid of it, but use it to stop time and carefully consider the situation around you.
10.12642.
Fear of the future leads to paralysis, an attempt to escape, or a paranoid desire to build a bomb shelter.
10.12740. Paralyzed with horror.
Dependent people, forced to be close to someone they fear, without being able to escape or attack, fall into chronic paralysis of the brain and fantasies.
10.13016. Paralysis.
Anyone who regrets the vices that they abandoned like Lot's wife will turn into a pillar of salt.
10.14099.
Idleness is the root of all vices. Vices will steal all your time and money. Left without energy, you will fall into fear, and fear will paralyze you. Procrastination is paralysis from fear of wasted time.
10.15405. Fear of heights.
The proud man is in eternal fear, because in his illusions and conceit he hangs high in the sky. A proud person imagines himself as a star and is very afraid of falling. To get rid of paralyzing fear, you need to come down to earth.
10.17118.
You can't be afraid of evil. Fear paralyzes and deprives you of strength. I want to run out of fear. Of course, when fear is weak, you want to attack it, but on the other hand, try to first understand the nature of the danger. If you twitch, the bees will bite you, and they will be absolutely right.
10.20445. Fears are growing.
Trying to run away from one fear creates fear twice as big in front and three times as big behind.
10.20652. Consciousness of the future.
When you look at the present, everything is good or normal. When you look into the future, fear seizes your soul. There is a temptation not to look into the future. It is not right. You should find a goal in the future and, having created a plan, follow it. The present should be occupied with building the future, then both the future and the present will be joyful.
10.21060.
When you are paralyzed by fear, the main thing is not to seek solace from it in entertainment and pleasure. Fear must be met with faith and determination, that is, movement and hope for the best.
10.21066.
Every time I am faced with a new gigantic problem hanging over my head like an ax over a chopping block, I try to inspire myself with the thought that I have already seen dozens of such problems, and each time I managed to benefit from them, and everything was fine. This thought is not exactly invigorating, but it allows you to avoid paralyzing horror.
10.21343.
Don't be afraid of future fears. Fear says there is a dead end and fire ahead. But this will happen in seven days, and today you can still move and grow... Go straight into the fire, but look carefully around, somewhere on the side there will definitely be a workaround.
10.21364. Unbalanced personality.
The system is always balanced. By holding back fear in one, you get a phobia in another and become paralyzed with fear. Paralysis generated by various strong fears is procrastination. The same thing happens if your sources of fear and or pleasure become very limited. The situation creates a gap in consciousness, which again leads to fear,... paralysis and procrastination.
10.21532.
You need to turn the other cheek to the blow so as not to live in eternal fear of the first blow.
10.21812.
Fears are very real, fear must be respected and attentive to it. Love your enemy, love is respect and attentiveness. There is no need to tremble or fall into paralysis; it will be enough not to ignore your fear. Ignoring the enemy is ignorance and disrespect.
10.21896.
By concentrating on small areas of your action plan (here and now, immediate tasks), you protect yourself from procrastination associated with the horror of realizing the huge amount of work ahead. On the other hand, you also don’t need to be afraid of the whole, but you need to admire it and know that everything is possible for those who are not greedy for time.
10.21943. Death of the Christmas Tree.
You cannot turn hope into an idol, without which you cannot live. If your idol is such that you are blinded by it and are not ready to survive its death, then you will be paralyzed by the fear of its possible death. But love will certainly be crucified and die. There is no such thing as love not being crucified. And you will be the one who will have to resurrect her, because you are a servant of God, and slaves are obliged to serve their masters. You should be calm about gifts and the death of the New Year tree. In any case, you must survive and repeat the ritual every year.
10.21955. Love your fear.
Wow... how frightening... how frightening... It’s so breathtaking, it’s as if my ass is bursting with pimples. At first I am paralyzed with fear, but then the thought comes... trust existence, God is love, love will protect us. All goes to good. And fear is reborn into good spirits and excitement.
Final comments
Shyness reduces our life potential and deprives us of many opportunities. This personality quality has long been recognized as a problem in psychology and is being actively researched. The ability to communicate is the key to success in social life. Based on most psychological theories, shyness is not a congenital defect or a disease.
You can deal with it on your own if you regularly work on yourself. By doing certain exercises when you need to communicate with other people, it is possible to cope with shyness here and now, and by making the above rules the basis of your life, you can enjoy communication and forget about the problem of shyness.
Author: Varnakova Anastasia Anatolyevna, psychologist
Root Causes
Appearing in front of a large audience is always accompanied by excitement
, however, such a phenomenon can have various causes and manifestations. Psychologists have identified several possible reasons for the formation and presence of phobias in the human psyche. Glossophobia may have social or hereditary roots.
Genetic or hereditary phobias are very difficult to overcome, since a special, “alarming” program is embedded in the psyche.
Psychologists say that increased anxiety, unreasonable worries, and the presence of fears can be inherited.
Another reason for stage fright lies in social background, which is:
- Painful perception of stressful situations, their artificial exaggeration;
- Excessive sensitivity to other people's opinions;
- Negative experiences “from childhood”: fear of ridicule, exaggeration of shortcomings, experienced ostracism from peers, logophobia identified at an early age;
- Perfectionism.
The last indicated basis for the fear of ramp lights may indicate unreasonably high demands on oneself
, which an individual simply cannot meet due to personality characteristics.
Where are the origins of phobia?
Most phobias are based on childhood fears. Adults themselves often “help” a child become insecure with their reproaches, ridicule, and even threats. The fear of not living up to parents' expectations, of being unsuccessful, of not being liked by others is fixed in the child's subconscious.
Very useful and detailed material from an expert:
Fear of speaking and communicating often entails:
- mutism is a neurotic reaction of the body to dissonance with the environment. If the situation “I’m afraid” is repeated and not corrected, the prerequisites are created for the formation of speech phobias - glossophobia and its varieties (lalophobia, verbophobia). Stuttering “grows” from fixed fear, from which logophobia develops. The result is problems with studying, difficulties in communicating with peers.
How to treat “conversational” fear?
Methods of assistance for persistent speech phobia are aimed at eliminating the fear of speaking and communicating in an unusual, unfamiliar environment. According to psychologists, almost all people are susceptible to fear of public speaking, but not everyone has a phobia as a result of such a stressful state. Treatment, depending on the degree of complexity of the manifestation, is variable, selected individually, from several methods:
- Cognitive behavioral therapy;
- Medication exposure;
- Autogenic training;
- Specialized speech therapy massage;
- Singing lessons, breathing apparatus training;
- Individual and group work with relevant specialists.
Psychology offers several types of special treatment, for example:
- Methodology of Yu. Ogarkova-Dubinskaya for overcoming fear of public speaking
- Development by Yu.M. Orlova is a special scientific direction in psychology devoted to sanogenic thinking.
- 12 exercises for normalizing speech by A. and G. Gutzman (restoring normal speech when stuttering).
- Healing may require not only strength of character, but also significant time and resources.
Useful video from a professional psychotherapist: