If you notice that you have an unmotivated fear of children, which greatly unsettles you, causes panic and severe fear, then perhaps you have begun to develop a phobia. Moreover, this condition is often characterized not just by fear, but by a strong negative attitude towards children. Can occur in both sexes. In some cases, this type of neurosis is the reason for the inability to have children of the contrived type. Cases have also been recorded in which a parent abandons a child due to a developing illness.
Concept of fear
The name of the fear of children is Pedophobia. A person suffering from this fear is not only afraid to have their own children, but also refuses to communicate, talk and play with other people's children. Sometimes the phobia is so advanced and uncontrollable that even a doll can cause fear and panic. On the one hand, a phobia of children has practically no effect on a person’s life; on the other hand, it deprives the person of the opportunity to create strong and happy family relationships and puts an end to the birth and upbringing of their own children.
In most cases, the phobia occurs completely unnoticed by prying eyes. The person controls himself and tries not to show negative emotions, excluding any interaction with children. It may also happen that his psycho-emotional state sharply deteriorates, and then he is completely under the influence of fear and a stressful situation. Trying to control myself, I become:
- closed;
- angry;
- overly aggressive;
- tearful and depressed.
At the physical level, this phobia also manifests itself and makes itself felt by a deterioration in well-being: a sudden headache, weakness, dizziness occurs, pulse and breathing increase, sweating and blood pressure increase. All this, of course, has the most negative effect on his nervous system, affecting his health in general.
Children's nightmares.
Little children, just like adults, have dreams. Sometimes these can be scary and nightmare dreams. Then the child sleeps restlessly, often wakes up and cries at night.
There are several reasons why your child may have a bad dream:
- an illness that is accompanied by an increase in body temperature (this reason is the most common, and when the child recovers, the nightmares go away on their own);
- television programs that are not appropriate for the child’s age (the mother should even monitor cartoons - some of them are very aggressive and can frighten the child);
- a child during the day could be frightened by older children (brothers or sisters), who could, without malicious intent, show something scary (a masquerade mask or a scary picture);
- if before going to bed, the mother scolded the child strongly or shouted at him, the child will fall asleep upset, and his brain will again experience this unpleasant situation at night.
Try to postpone all proceedings until the morning so that the child falls asleep only with positive emotions.
Unfavorable family situation - quarrels between parents and family scandals negatively affect the child’s psyche, making him nervous, restless and unbalanced.
Parents should sort things out only in the absence of the child, especially if this happens very violently.
Author: Elena Metelkina.
Causes
According to psychologists, there are several main reasons why pedophobia develops. Let's look at them in more detail.
- Childhood. The origins of this fear are hidden in childhood. The child is used to being the only one in the family, basking in the love and attention of adults, but his life changes dramatically after the birth of a brother or sister. Now parents divide their attention between two children, they are busy with new worries and sometimes do not find time for their elders. He develops jealousy, anger, hostility and aggression towards the younger one. These negative feelings are consolidated in his subconscious, transforming and manifesting themselves in adulthood.
- A manifestation of the disease is also excessive guardianship, manifested in the increased attention of parents who strive to please at any cost and give expensive things.
- Tendency to pedophilia. Scientists studying this disease believe that one of the main reasons for its development may be a shocking fact: adults isolate themselves from communication with children because they are afraid that they may become prone to sexual violence. Adult men are susceptible to this mental disorder.
- Misanthrope. Some do not believe that a child is an individual with his own opinion, so they do not see the point in communicating and interacting with him. In Western countries, the childfree movement is becoming more and more active, when adults claim that children are an obstacle to their free, full and interesting life. In this case, there can be no talk of love, tenderness and care for children.
Fear of children is common among men
The fear of young children can develop already in adulthood. This is due to the fact that the birth of a baby completely changes the parents’ lifestyle and makes them responsible for another. The most common social reasons leading to the emergence of paedophobia are related to the fact that the family does not have a strong enough financial situation and does not have its own home where they could raise children.
Women's fear of children has its own characteristics. Often the cause of phobia in women is the thought that pregnancy can ruin their figure. The expectant mother is afraid of the responsibility, worries and hassle that will arise after the birth of the baby.
Sometimes the cause of a phobia is childhood memories. Fear may be caused by stories about painful and difficult childbirth.
Darkness.
Children of the first year of life are not afraid of the dark. Surely, more than once, your baby woke up at night and, quite contented, spent time in the dark.
He could play with rattles, make various sounds, or even examine the outlines of objects in a dark room.
A two or three year old child is a completely different matter. Children at this age may begin to be afraid of the dark and call their mother when they are scared.
This is due to the child’s already accumulated, albeit small, life experience.
He met animals that are not always good-natured, strangers, fairy tale characters (Baba Yaga or the evil wolf who swallowed Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother).
The child now knows that there is something in the world that can be feared and at night, seeing strange shapes, he can associate them with objects or living beings that instill fear.
The fear of the dark must be overcome. If you don’t do this, the child will have certain problems (and you, of course, too).
At night, your baby will refuse to sleep in the dark and will ask to come into your bed; getting up to go potty at night can also be difficult (such children most often wet the bed).
A child's psyche suffers greatly if he is afraid of the dark. The baby grows up unsure of himself, withdrawn and complex.
What should a mother do to help her child overcome his fear of the dark?
As soon as your baby cries, turn on the light and show him that there is no one in the dark corner, under the bed, or in the closet. Explain that your door is securely closed and no one can enter.
You can walk through dark rooms with your child, talking to him the whole time and showing him that you are not afraid of the dark.
When your child falls asleep, turn off the lights, but sit with him for a while until he falls asleep. You can use a dim night light for a while, which makes the room brighter.
Manifestation of phobia
Phobia of children manifests itself almost equally in both women and men, but there are some differences. A woman, having succumbed to stress, having thrown out all her negativity, calms down. A man endures and remains silent for a long time, but if he breaks down, he can cause physical harm to children. The consequences can be very serious, especially if he is intoxicated.
How else does pedophobia manifest itself? There are several basic life scenarios for the development of events.
- A woman leaves her children in the maternity hospital. The reasons for such an act can be different (husband left, poor financial situation, no housing).
- Parents are afraid to engage in the educational process because they may receive strong rebuff and a violent negative reaction from their children. They do not make comments or try to influence antisocial behavior. The result of such upbringing is that they grow up to be narcissistic egoists.
- Fear of childhood aggression. This affects older people who strive to lead a quiet life, having a hard time enduring noise and youth parties. Children's fear can be expressed in aggressive behavior on the part of an elderly person who, in such stressful moments, has very little control over himself. This was confirmed by sociological research, which showed that only 34% of adults are ready to intervene in a conflict situation with the participation of young people.
- Discomfort from communication. In this case, the phobia will manifest itself in an adult in an attempt to protect himself from communication with children.
Ways to fight
You can try to cope with the phobia yourself. For fear to have no power, you need to completely relax. Autogenic training gives good results, during which negative thoughts that give rise to children’s fear are forced out of the subconscious, after which they are replaced by positive judgments. Positive self-hypnosis occurs, which is an excellent way to combat paedophobia.
Meditation is no less effective when a person focuses on his thoughts, accumulating a positive attitude and experiencing positive emotions. Meditative music (recording of wind, waterfall, sounds of wildlife) will help you get into the right mood. The most common meditation techniques include visualization (forming positive mental images of children) and affirmation (constantly repeating positive phrases in your mind).
Peace of mind
Today, there are many different breathing techniques that teach how to calm down, relax and tune in to the positive. Various physical exercises also help well, as they relieve muscle tension and have a beneficial effect on the entire body as a whole. By applying these methods, it will be possible to achieve both physical and mental balance.
Psychotherapeutic methods
If fear of children causes a person to be constantly stressed, preventing him from leading a normal life, there is only one way out - to seek professional help. During an individual consultation, the psychotherapist will select treatment methods that will help improve your social skills and build a normal family life.
Using various techniques, the psychotherapist will establish and help eliminate the cause that led to the emergence and development of paedophobia. The specialist will correct the thought processes, which will then have a positive impact on his behavior and worldview.
During hypnosis, patients are taught that they should not be afraid of children. This psychological attitude is fixed in the subconscious and relieves the patient of fear of children. A psychologist can also use cognitive behavioral therapy, when sessions are structured in such a way that a person suffering from pedophobia understands his negative thoughts and completely gets rid of them. By learning to think differently, his behavior will change, and children will no longer cause uncontrollable attacks of fear. Gestalt therapy will relieve negative emotions and attitudes. Group therapy also gives good results, when patients have the opportunity to discuss their problems and achievements with others suffering from the same fears.
Fear of children: how to get rid of it
First of all, when looking for a solution to a problem, you should seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist who specializes in this topic. They will help you look at the situation from the other side, and together with the patient they will analyze the causes of the phobia.
Usually the pedophobe is put into a trance. This is one of the most effective methods. This way you can understand the patient’s internal attitudes and find out why the fear of small children appeared.
When a person is under hypnosis, it is easiest to identify the starting points to change the subconscious worldview. For example, this is how patients can get rid of psychological infertility. Psychotherapists also use neurolinguistic programming. This creates a positive vector of thoughts, which helps to quickly get rid of the phobia. Specialists correct a person’s mental processes and carry out a rehabilitation program (it is compiled strictly individually).
