Shyness is a character trait in which a person is constantly embarrassed. Shyness is sometimes revered by society and is positively regarded by the individual’s environment (the person is perceived as reserved, modest), but not by the individual himself. For a shy person, this is a real problem that interferes with self-realization and communication with people.
Behavior of Shy People
People with a similar problem are afraid of people's opinions, ridicule, discontent, and condemnation. They are unable to accept either criticism or praise. Therefore, a shy person suppresses the desire to communicate, tries to avoid society, is afraid and does not want to publicly express his own opinion and defend his rights.
Unfortunately, this type of people achieves little in life. They are unable to make acquaintances, embark on adventures, or take advantage of the opportunities offered. They avoid situations in which they need to act decisively.
Ways to treat shyness
There are several ways to cope with this character trait. First of all, this is communication with a psychologist. However, this direction has low efficiency. Using this method, only 38% of people were able to achieve complete recovery in 600 sessions.
Another option is psychotherapy. This method is much more effective than the first. In 22 sessions, 72% of people were cured. A negative aspect of psychotherapy is the use of medications in the treatment process that have a negative effect on the human body.
The third direction is regression analysis. In 6 sessions, 93% of people were completely cured. Half of my clients get rid of shyness in 1-5 sessions. The other half have 10 sessions.
The cause of shyness is the unconscious perception of certain life situations. That is why it is better to work with her at the same level. Consciously convincing yourself that you can freely communicate with people around you will lead nowhere. Automatic programs of the unconscious have a higher priority than beliefs. No argument can achieve the desired effect. The same can be said about medications that only dampen the reaction, but the problem remains. Alcohol has a similar effect. It liberates, but does not eliminate the problem. While a person is intoxicated, he is open and sociable.
Regression analysis allows you to work directly with unconscious programs. During the session, the person is immersed in a trance state, in which the brain receives additional capabilities. It becomes possible to restore forgotten moments from life and edit experiences. Thanks to this, awareness increases. Most people believe that when entering a trance state, a person's consciousness turns off. In fact, it goes into high power mode. Only the body switches off, which allows the brain to increase the efficiency of its work. Thus, it becomes possible to correct erroneous automatic programs.
I recommend watching the video “How to overcome modesty” - you will find answers to the remaining questions.
Reasons for Shyness
Often, young children are very sociable, love to attract attention, and even approach an adult without difficulty. This means that people are not born shy, but become so, but how?
Scientists do not give a definite answer. Some believe that shyness is inherent in people, others consider it a reflection of negative experiences acquired at certain moments in life. Perhaps a person at a certain period of life saw failure, or suffered one himself.
The consolidation of shyness occurs due to a lack of communication skills, anxiety about being evaluated by others, humiliation of oneself, and underestimation of one’s own abilities. By constantly telling yourself that you are shy, this habit will become stronger.
Psychoanalysts suggest that this character trait comes from an internal struggle. Sociologists believe that the norms and foundations of society are to blame. Sometimes in childhood, parents or educators talk about the baby’s shyness, and the child’s receptive psyche perceives this as an attitude to action. As such a child grows up, he constantly compares himself with others and finds himself inferior to them, which further suppresses his sociability.
What is shyness
Shyness occurs against the background of excessive shame or guilt in the individual, fears and self-doubt, timidity and unsociability. A shy person is afraid of people and social contacts, and under certain conditions the fear is aggravated:
- communication with strangers, acquaintance (fear of the unknown);
- communication with the opposite sex (fear of failure or fear of intimacy);
- communication with the manager (fear of power and authority).
As a rule, fears are caused by internal complexes and barriers, excessive dependence on other people's opinions and preoccupation with the impression made.
It is impossible to give an exact definition of shyness. It manifests itself in different ways: some feel fear, some feel shame, some feel uncertainty or general discomfort. One way or another, this is a complex of unpleasant emotions and sensations associated with the social activity of the individual.
Shyness is more common in childhood and adolescence. Although it interferes no less, it is more explainable. Teenagers experience an identity crisis, hormonal and physiological changes, try to know and accept themselves, are often dissatisfied with their appearance, but at the same time want to be liked by their peers. Hence the shyness. If the problem is not addressed, it can take root and become a character trait in adulthood.
Shyness manifests itself in emotional situations, conditions of interpersonal interaction, experiencing the emotions, beliefs and opinions of other people. It follows from this that altruists, people with developed empathy and the psychology of a victim, are more prone to shyness. Shyness manifests itself in the following areas and directions:
- self-awareness (body, character, abilities, etc.);
- Love;
- Job;
- friendship;
- personally significant relationships or short-term meetings and contacts.
Very often shyness is present where there is interest and pleasure. A good example is communication with a caring person, a date. We are interested in a person, we are afraid to upset him or push him away, we want to please him, and as a result, we are embarrassed. Thus, shyness is a complex personality trait.
Shy people find it difficult to express themselves, which causes them to withdraw into themselves. As a result, they suffer from loneliness. Although alone with himself a person may experience embarrassment and embarrassment. For example, remembering and experiencing unpleasant experiences of the past, admitting to oneself true desires, imagining desired situations, but condemned by the individual or society. This is usually followed by self-flagellation and self-humiliation, concentration on one’s shortcomings, and egocentrism of the “I’m worthless” type.
Fighting shyness: how to get rid of it
Before you start fighting shyness, understand the reasons. Often a person misinterprets the opinions and attitudes of others about himself; this is not surprising, because he considers himself worse than everyone else.
Usually, people are wrong in their reasoning and are valued much higher in the eyes of other people.
Shy people expect troubles, their thoughts are aimed at the negative, and, as you know, they are material. They really attract bad luck and problems, people around them call them losers, and sometimes they come up with offensive nicknames, which is common at school or university.
Do not confuse the concepts of “timidity” and “modesty”. A polite person is more likely to be called modest, but a shy person always pretends as if he does not exist.
Sometimes people around you mistake this behavior for arrogance and pride. A kind of trap occurs, created by a closed person; he cannot communicate openly himself, and people stop making contact with him.
Timid people turn their lives into a nightmare. They are in constant stress and a negative, nervous mood, as a result of which chronic diseases develop and life expectancy decreases.
Impudence and timidity are two sides of the same coin
Shy behavior is always associated with low self-esteem. It is generally difficult for a person who does not suffer from shyness to understand what it is.
There is a common saying: “Insolence is the second happiness.” Many people believe that the more brash and confident you are, the more you will achieve... Although in fact this is not true in all cases. So, some people like people who behave arrogantly, while others like those who behave shyly.
The latter can “dismiss” a shameless person, but provide protection to someone who is timid in front of them.
So, how to overcome excessive shyness?
In psychological trainings, you often come across advice like: ask questions to strangers, wear flashy outfits, or do other strange things that supposedly will make you be bolder...
But practice shows that performing such “tasks” can be fraught with severe stress, and a person will only withdraw into himself, instead of getting rid of the shortcoming. It is better to act gradually, rather than “running jump into icy water.”
How to overcome shyness and meet girls?
- Good afternoon (look into her eyes, at the same time find something in her that you really like, and focus your attention on it - then the look turns out to be warm). Pause. It will seem endless to you. But in reality it will be a few seconds. Well, 40)) - She will either bypass you or greet you back. Before you say hello, just calmly look into her eyes.
- Hello!
Only after he clearly greets you in return (before that you simply have no contact) -
- I have a study session. Tell me, could you help me?
1) “No!” - “Thank you!”, 2) “I don’t have time!” - “It will only take a couple of minutes. Is this possible?”, 3) “Yes,” but more often “With what?”, “It depends on what.”
Here there is no need to fussily rush into explanations. On “What?”, “Depending on what”, as well as on “Yes”:
- Amazing! Let's get acquainted first. My name is Evgeniy. What is you name?
In 90% of cases, if you say all this calmly, politely, directly, with respect, they give you a name. If not, it’s okay, you communicate without a name))
- Claudia.
- Claudia... Claudia, it’s very nice!.. Claudia, I’m learning how to communicate with girls so that it would be interesting for both them and me. Claudia, an unusual question. What is your character?..
- WHAT?!
- Claudia, what are you like?.. What could your friends say about you?..
- Well, I don’t know... I’m kind, I’m angry, I’m calm...
- Kind, sometimes angry, calm... Claudia, but kind, sometimes evil - what’s that?..
Or: kind... What do you mean?..
Etc.
What is important.
BE SURE to repeat her answers. Warm, attentive, respectful.
You can see the technique here: https://thequestion.ru/questions/75821/o-chem-pogovorit-s-neznakomym-chelovekom-esli-ty-zaranee-znaesh-chto-obshikh-tem-i-interesov-u-vas -net-no-tebe-nuzhno-emu-ponravitsya/answer/84846#answer84846-anchor - with comments.
More important:
legalize your excitement. People are very nice when you get very nervous in such exercises, get confused in questions, chatter your teeth, tremble your body - and you explain this: “I’m really studying, I’m very worried!”
We all shook like that in educational situations, any “she” did too. This causes normal understanding and willingness to support, that is, on the contrary, it works for you.
And - answer direct questions truthfully, there is no need to lie (there is simply no need). If he asks what kind of training session it is, just answer: I did it for myself. Because I'm shy to meet girls. And I thought that if a girl is interesting to me, and I ask her normally, then she will answer me normally. Claudia, can I ask you another question?..
By the end of such a five-minute dialogue, you already know each other. She knows your name, you know hers. She told you quite a lot about herself, you showed that she and her story are interesting to you; They said a little something about themselves (well, sometimes I get angry, but I’m kind...)) They both made sure that you don’t bite. All. You have a friend, Claudia. You can invite her to continue this acquaintance, and she can refuse or agree.
- Claudia, thank you! You helped me a lot. It was interesting to communicate with you. Can we somehow exchange contacts with you?..
OF COURSE, this is all just one of the possible options. But it’s concrete: go outside and work it out, even right now.
Good luck!
