How to survive betrayal. 7 steps to a new life | Psychology of life

First signs

You should think about whether a girl is cheating after the first signs of cheating have been noticed. Among them:

Password on your computer and smartphone. You need to pay attention to this if she didn’t have passwords anywhere before. After all, their appearance suggests that she wants to hide information that no one needs to know about.
The woman resumed communication with her ex-lover. Many guys have a bad attitude towards the fact that their girlfriends communicate with ex-boyfriends, which is quite logical. Very often such communication ends in something more significant. If a guy notices that his girlfriend is communicating with her ex, then he needs to carefully monitor the development of these events.
The partner closes the smartphone screen when she receives a new message or immediately rejects the call. It is indecent to read other people’s correspondence, but if she constantly tries to hide them from her boyfriend, then most likely her lover is writing to her.
The beloved began to avoid her boyfriend's friends. If she used to communicate well with them, but now she doesn’t, then you need to find out from her the reason for this change in behavior.
She changed her social network password. Quite often, people in relationships exchange their passwords for pages on various web resources. Therefore, if a guy previously knew the password for his girlfriend’s account, but now she changed it for some reason, then it’s worth thinking about. If, when asked about changing the password, she talks about personal space, then this is a lie.
Relaxing with friends in nightclubs. Every person needs to rest periodically in this way. But if a girl’s nightly meetings with her friends have become too frequent, then you need to talk to her. After all, one fine morning after a fun night, she may wake up next not to her boyfriend, but to an acquaintance from the club.
The girl does not talk on the phone in the presence of her boyfriend. This suggests that her boyfriend is unlikely to like her interlocutor, so she wants to hide him.
Attacks of tenderness and care. It would seem that there is something wrong with this. But if a girl, completely without reason, begins to surround her boyfriend with excessive care and tenderness, then most likely she wants to make amends for her guilt in this way.
It is difficult to reach her because her phone is always busy. In this case, you need to find out from her who she talks to so often. If a girl claims that she is talking to her friends, then most likely this is a lie.

Act solely in your own interests.

⠀If you found out about cheating due to someone’s “good” will (demonstrative SMS on the phone, marks left on a shirt, etc.), do not go to extremes and do not break off relations with your partner immediately. Give yourself time to analyze and cool down as much as possible. Then tune in to an open dialogue: ask calmly and with a cool mind the questions that concern you.

Talk to your partner - it is likely that in this case the “well-wisher” is leading you to a quick emotional breakup.

If you are told about cheating in hints or anonymously, think about the motive for such a message and whether everything is really as described to you. It is unlikely that a person friendly to you will act this way.

Physiological signs

If we talk about men who cheat, their behavior changes in that they become more active sexually. Girls behave differently.

Keep your emotions under control

Do not give excessive free rein to destructive emotions, try to realize what is really happening, and identify your own goals - how you want to solve this problem (save your family or union, separate comfortably, change your attitude towards what is happening, or simply start life again).

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Together is impossible. My husband proposes divorce - what should I do? Based on your and only your goal, build an algorithm of behavior with your man. In some cases, there is a chance to preserve the union and make it more pleasant for both partners, even after cheating. This is indeed possible, so don’t cut and burn bridges at once.

How to understand behavior with 100% accuracy?

A cheating girl tries to limit her personal space to the maximum. Of course, any girl can behave this way. But if at the beginning of the relationship everything was different, and then she began to sharply isolate herself from her partner, then this is an alarming bell.

A woman begins to pay more attention to her appearance. Changes her wardrobe, image, wears makeup often. She once did this for the sake of her current boyfriend, but with the development of the relationship, routine came, so the long preparations for a date stopped.

Another woman begins to notice the shortcomings of her young man. She criticizes his lifestyle, behavior and even the way he eats. If she once called it cute little things, now it really irritates her. Therefore, this indicates possible betrayal. Using this method, a woman compares her chosen ones, and the benefit is clearly not in the direction of the current man.

Analyze your role in the current situation

There are very few pathological cheaters in serious relationships. In the overwhelming majority of cases, this is a man’s reaction to the circumstances that have developed within your interpersonal relationships. Repeated betrayal is likely only if the mistakes made are not corrected.

It didn't seem to you. 5 signs of adultery Read more

A person and his love union are not the same thing. And male infidelity has nothing to do with your female defeat. Cheating does not devalue you or make you a victim or victim.

If you are faced with betrayal, think, evaluate the relationship, what you or your partner did not do enough in this union. Not for everyday life, not for financial well-being, mortgages or external markers of success, but specifically for relationships. This is a good reason to look at the situation soberly and finally take care of yourself. The revelation of betrayal is always a huge stress not only for the one who was cheated on, but also for the one who cheated.

How to check the fact of infidelity?

If a guy notices some features in his girlfriend’s behavior that indicate she’s cheating, then he needs to check it out immediately. On the one hand, such an act is not very correct, but on the other hand, doubts may be justified.

You can check the girl as follows:

View her messages on your phone or laptop.
Follow your beloved. If she said that she was going to meet a friend, then you should follow her to make sure who she is with.
Ask your best friend for help. He should write the girl a message like “I know everything!” If she really has something to worry about, she can ask her friend not to tell her boyfriend anything. Well, if not, then such a message can always be translated into a joke.
Arrive at her house earlier than agreed. Perhaps you will be able to catch your chosen one with her lover.
Catch her on inaccuracies in her words. If she is confused about what she is telling, then most likely it is a lie.
Unexpectedly for her, come to meet her from work or school. Perhaps another guy will do it too.
You can lie about your schedule. And when she thinks her boyfriend is at work, come to her house unannounced.
Just ask her directly about cheating. But you need to be aware that she can lie.

Cheating is an unpleasant situation that couples in love face. But she always has her own reason. There is no need to relax and stop working on your relationships, because there are no irreplaceable people.

Understand how critical the situation is

If a partner cheats regularly, but does not leave, it means that he believes that he is allowed to do so (even if subconsciously) and feels his power.

Usually such people are more confident in themselves. They arrange their lives so that finances and housing are under their control, they use double standards: “I can, but you can’t.”

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When a person cheats and no one stops him, his partner gradually takes up less and less space, falling into a dependent position. If you are able to live on your own, then it is better to end the relationship, because otherwise it will destroy your faith in yourself.

Dependent relationships cannot be complete and cannot fill you with resources. They are destructive.

How to find out if a girl is cheating: the main signs of cheating

Women are great actresses. They know how to hide resentment, joy, and even betrayal. However, you can convict your loved one of infidelity based on psychological, physiological and behavioral signs. You don't need to be a professional psychologist to do this. We’ll tell you in our article how to understand that a girl is cheating on you and be 100% sure of it.

It’s great if the girl herself admitted to cheating and broke up with the guy after a difficult conversation. But most often, women diligently hide their lover, deceive their partners, husbands, until they finally decide on their choice. This is humiliating and unpleasant for any of the men. It is for this reason that guys try to figure everything out on their own and ask on forums and friends how to find out that a girl is cheating. Advice from experienced womanizers, psychologists and even gynecologists comes to the rescue.

Among the large list of signs of infidelity, several groups of characteristic signs of infidelity can be distinguished. It is these indicators that you need to pay attention to at the first suspicion of deception on the part of a loved one:

Psychological
Physiological
Behavioral

It is easier for a woman to assess her emotional and physical state if you see each other every day, spend the night and live together. But even when a relationship is just beginning, it won’t hurt to take note of a few tips and use them when the opportunity arises.

Psychological

Infidelity will definitely leave its mark on a woman’s character. Keep an eye on her for a few days. The liar will be nervous, irritable, secretive. Notice every little detail and the truth will come out.

You can suspect that a friend has a lover based on the following psychological signs:

The beloved agrees to dates less often. Meetings are postponed for a variety of reasons: illness, fatigue, lack of mood.
The girl deliberately provokes quarrels. The conflict breaks out out of nowhere, the woman refuses to communicate with her partner, and does not forgive the offense for a long time.
Your loved one talks about breaking up more often. This phrase ends any minor disagreement.
The woman's gaze became disdainful. A man feels coldness from his beloved, detachment.
The girl began to agree to long business trips for work. In this case, look for a lover among your partner’s colleagues.
My beloved returns late from school or work. Refers to heavy workload: session, emergency. Try to ask her about her affairs in more detail. Surely, she will not answer anything intelligible.
The girl meets with her friends a lot, goes to corporate events without you. She doesn’t agree to take her husband and boyfriend with her, because “all girlfriends are without men.” Check if this is true.
Avoids intimacy with a regular partner. This is the most important sign of betrayal. A woman’s coldness in bed is explained by the man’s emotional rejection. The desire for intimacy is directed towards another.
He no longer admits that he misses, loves, adores you. Nowadays there is only one ideal man for a woman - her lover. Feelings for your ex are gradually cooling down.

By correspondence

It is difficult to understand that a girl is cheating if you are at a great distance from each other. The partner cannot see the eyes of his beloved or evaluate changes in behavior. It remains to analyze the correspondence.

The main signs of treason in this case will be:

My friend writes and calls much less often than before.
Replies to messages are short, monosyllabic.
If a guy calls without warning, the girl gets irritated and tries to end the conversation faster.
The woman stopped using affectionate nicknames when addressing her lover.
Rarely appears online.
Constantly talks about employment, invitations to guests or business meetings at work. This explains the lack of time to communicate with your loved one.
Hints at a desire to break up or openly writes a letter that she has fallen out of love.
I removed the photo of you together from my profile.

Analyze the goal.

If a person is not prone to cheating, but it still happened, perhaps an unconscious desire to destroy the relationship was at work.

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Leftist and marriage. What benefits can adultery bring? A man does not want to go through this alone; it is important for him to find someone on the side, someone who will support him in his desire to leave the relationship. The mistress often acts as an external support point. It becomes a tool for solving personal problems.

If you feel that the betrayal had precisely this purpose, leave the relationship and do not try to look for those responsible.

Was there love?

Like any business, debriefing needs to start from the very beginning. Remember the story of your love and your marriage. Moreover, I emphasize that Love and Marriage in this context are by no means identical concepts. Sometimes it happens that young people mistake passion for love, the pleasure of communicating with a person who is clearly not indifferent to you, but you never know what young and inexperienced (and now we are talking about such people) guy and girl mistake for love. And if the partners have a significant age difference, then the courtship of a respectable admirer, his male interest, his willingness to shower with flowers and gifts can also be mistaken by a young girl for love. And vice versa, if a man is young and hot, and a mature woman is tired of the grumbling and eternal dissatisfaction of her boring peers, then she is ready to consider the passionate glances and enthusiastic compliments of a young gentleman as signs of deep feeling. So, let's ask the question: was there Love?

It often happens that a couple is considered equal in age and social status, and in the eyes of others they look quite harmonious, and they like each other, but then some time passes, and one of them (and sometimes both) begins understand that he is not loved, or that he does not love. And there seem to be no obvious signs of dislike, but there is slight irritation, a feeling of awkwardness, boredom, and disappointment. And it's so scary! It seems that the ground is disappearing from under our feet, because just recently everything was so good! I should think about it, stop... But... public opinion already considers them the bride and groom. Relatives, friends, acquaintances are waiting - they can’t wait for the wedding, and money has already begun to be invested in its preparation. And it turns out that under the pressure of parents and circumstances, young people enter into marriage, despite the fact that Love has already seemed to have faded away. At this moment, a fatal mistake is made, the first stone is laid in the foundation of future adultery. Well-known justifications are used: “I’ll endure it and fall in love,” “everyone is getting married, and it’s time for me,” “my girlfriends are all married, but why am I worse,” “but he’s not disgusting to me,” “and she has better legs, than Svetka’s,” “my father promised to buy a car if I got married.”

It is much worse if the marriage takes place “on the fly” - such a family is, as a rule, doomed. It’s good if the spouses learn to at least respect each other, and their family relationships do not develop into constant mutual insults with the obligatory clarification of the eternal Russian questions “who is to blame?” and “what should I do?” But more often than not, everything happens exactly the opposite.

And it also happens: they get married “out of spite” in order to take terrible revenge on their former lovers. But it turns out that they punished themselves by condemning themselves to life with a hateful spouse.

Why the wife cheats reasons. Why wives cheat on their husbands, reasons and motives

Often a man himself pushes a woman to cheat, through his actions, domestic behavior and general relationships with both his wife and her relatives. At the same time, betrayal almost never happens spontaneously. Women prefer to carefully check and think about everything, weigh the risks, and only then allow their feelings to get the better of them. Because of this, it is somewhat more difficult to convict them of what happened.

The reasons why a wife cheats on her husband may be as follows:

Revenge. Everyday life is almost always accompanied by scandals and quarrels. It's unavoidable. If most couples are able to resolve this issue calmly, without incidents and continue to live, then in some families the husband may go on the side. After his wife finds out about this, she also decides to cheat on him. But there is another side - when the act of infidelity acts as a note of protest in front of a tyrant husband who spreads his hands, drinks, and insults his wife.
Disappointment. After the end of the candy-bouquet period and marriage, a man usually calms down - he has already won his girlfriend, and begins to pay much less attention to her. The woman clearly doesn’t like this behavior of her husband, but she somehow needs to get over what happened. Therefore, betrayal here is perceived as a way to make your life brighter and more interesting.
Problems in intimacy. Over time, sex becomes something ordinary and even boring. In addition, people have different temperaments. Sometimes a man, returning home after physical work, may just want to relax and lie quietly, and not tumble in bed and waste his remaining strength. For a sensual wife, such behavior may become unacceptable. Because she has nowhere to put her energy, especially if she is a housewife. Because of this, thoughts about betrayal begin to visit her head much more often.
"Herd instinct" Someone else's example is very contagious. A woman can be subject to various influences - examples of friends, media propaganda, various statements from famous personalities. The result, as a rule, is the same - the wife gets a lover.
Constant absence of husband from home. When the husband is away from home for a long time, he travels on business trips, the wife experiences a serious lack of attention. She begins to experience loneliness, and if a man appears nearby who is capable of giving her emotions, adultery can be committed with a high chance.