What to do if a girl leaves you? Advice from psychologists!

Practical guide to action

Breaking up a relationship is an unpleasant event for any person. But it is especially painful for those who have been abandoned. And if the fairer sex in such situations can cry, complain to girlfriends and relatives, pour everything into a personal diary, then such manifestations in behavior are not accepted among guys. From childhood they are taught that a man is the stronger sex and should not show weakness in any situation. But their suffering and mental pain are no less, and perhaps even stronger, than most girls. So how, in this case, can you get over the breakup with the girl you love and move on with the flow?

What if it worked?

All articles on the Internet contain advice on how to get a girl to approach you. But nowhere does it say how to behave if these tips worked! So, let's say you ignored your ex and after a while she began to show signs of interest. If she falls for it, she will call or write and offer to meet. You can go to this meeting.

Your goal when meeting is to find out what she wants. It is quite possible that she wants to have you on the bench. A kind of backup and reliable option in case all attempts to get along with other guys fail. Just because an ex-girlfriend started showing interest doesn't mean she wants to come back!

How to distinguish a real desire to return from a dynamo attempt? It’s simple, if a girl really wants to restore the relationship, then when we meet she will be willing to kiss and if you have had sex before, she will sleep with you without any problems.

Well, if she says that she just wants to be friends, dump her. This is either an attempt to promote dynamism, or an attempt to put him on the bench, or a really real desire to be friends. None of the options suits you. Therefore, feel free to sever all contacts and completely neglect her.

What does a breakup mean?

The reasons leading to a break in a relationship can be different:

The love and desire to be together is gone.
The so-called incompatibility of characters, constant disagreements, quarrels and unwillingness to compromise.
The appearance of a third person in the form of an opponent.
The desire not to burden oneself with bonds, but to walk longer “in freedom.”
I'm not happy with this relationship, I want something more. For example, stronger expressions of feelings or a rich partner for a comfortable life.
One of the couple moves to another city and the desire to start everything there from scratch. Etc.

Whatever the reasons, the initiative can be either mutual or unilateral. And when such a decision is made by one person in a couple (in this case the girl), and the second partner does not agree, it can be quite difficult to separate without painful consequences.

Emotional stages of a man's feelings

If the young man did not have strong feelings for his chosen one, then the breakup for him can be relatively comfortable, without serious consequences for the psyche. The situation is completely different with a man who experiences true love and considers his partner to be his soulmate. It is he who has the question “How to survive the situation when the girl you love leaves you?” Passing through pain and suffering, a guy can experience the following emotional stages:

As a rule, denial of what happened first occurs. The guy doesn’t believe that this could even happen to their relationship and love. Especially if before that I thought that everything was fine with them and that they were happy together. The young man continues to make attempts to return the chosen one, showers him with gifts, flowers and notes, pursues, begs, etc.
After a short period of denial, the realization of everything that happened comes. The young man’s brain begins to process information that nothing can be done, and the growing pain from the loss drowns him out. He constantly asks himself questions: Why?! For what?! Looks for the true reasons for the gap in himself and his behavior, feels responsible for what happened. He thinks about what he did wrong and how he really should have behaved so that the girl would feel happy and satisfied next to him. In this case, the guy may not even take into account the fact that the separation was not his fault. Even if the companion simply fell in love with another person and left for him, the former partner will blame himself and consider himself not good enough. This, naturally, leaves a negative imprint on self-esteem and faith in a happy future.
Since “men don’t cry,” you have to experience your suffering within yourself. As a result, the young man develops emotional blocks into which all untapped emotions go. Against this background, problems with the nervous system, heart, and overall health may appear. If a man tries to drown out his pain in alcohol, finding in it his only friend and comforter, then the problem gets even worse.
When the sharp pain goes away, other emotions take their place - resentment, anger, anger. The guy begins to blame his ex-companion for everything and may send her rude messages or letters of an offensive nature. In his heart he dreams of cruelly dealing with her and humiliating her. A situation is possible when he begins to hate the entire female sex and tries to take revenge by using girls for sexual purposes and immediately abandoning them. It is important to go through this emotional stage without directing your anger towards your ex-lover, other ladies, or even yourself. You need to learn how to use your anger safely until you get rid of it completely.
After the insult experienced, a feeling of guilt sets in. Coming to the fore, it simply deprives one of moral strength. There comes complete disbelief in one’s life, the need for oneself for someone, and against the background of this, confidence in one’s worthlessness to the point of losing the meaning of life. This stage is the most difficult to survive. But by making an effort and doing this, you can be reborn in your new life. For this, the most important point is forgiveness and letting go of the situation and all thoughts about your beloved into your past. You can remember for yourself all the wonderful moments that you lived together with your chosen one, and, mentally thanking her for such a wonderful relationship experience, say: “I forgive and let you go... Be happy.”

Should I try to get my relationship back?

Many guys experience breakups painfully and think about how to get their beloved back... Let's voice the reasons for the breakup: either the girl left you because she is in search of a more suitable option (looking for a wealthier man), or you have stopped attracting her at the level of instincts and behavior. If the first option, you can breathe a sigh of relief - you are very lucky. If it’s the second one, then look for the reason in yourself. Most likely the balance was lost. She began to dominate and left you because she stopped perceiving you as a strong man (male). These are the main reasons for separation. Ask yourself the following questions:

How can I become cooler in terms of positioning and behavior?
How to raise your seduction level?
Should I really return this girl, the chances of returning and the feasibility of returning?
What if this is an opportunity to find a new girl of a higher level?
Or how to make your ex-girlfriend want to come back herself?

By asking the right questions, we get the right answers. In the end, the life of any person depends on perception. I highly recommend against putting a woman at the top of your priorities. 90% of men all over the world are henpecked, but only they themselves chose this fate. So why indulge dementia and join the ranks of madmen? Should you try to get your girlfriend back or stop communicating and give up trying to get her back? It's your personal choice. But do you need it?

Psychologist's advice

Not every man, no matter how strong he may seem, is able to independently survive such a situation and all the emotional stages that accompany it. It can be quite difficult to come to terms with a breakup and not harbor false hopes, hoping for a reunion. Therefore, we offer advice from a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with your girlfriend:

To accept the situation and not return to it, it is important to burn all the bridges that connect you. Reduce communication with your ex-girlfriend to zero. Even if your paths cross in the future, you will be able to communicate calmly, remembering your past relationship with a smile. But not now. Therefore, delete all her contacts from your phone and social networks so that you will not be able to contact her in moments of weakness. Try not to appear in places where she happens to be, much less meet at holidays with mutual friends. No matter how hard such an abrupt breakup may seem, it is better than the pain of a long, slow breakup.
Get rid of all reminders of your beloved. These are the so-called emotional anchors. Her forgotten things, gifts she gave you, postcards and even photographs. Ignore music, movies, bed linen with her scent - anything that might remind you even a little of your former relationship. You can simply throw it away or hide it very far and for a long time. Or even take it to a charity collection site, at least you will benefit someone. And such cleaning will do a good job of distracting you from sad thoughts.
Try to separate yourself from subjective perception and evaluate the situation objectively. Think carefully about your feelings: is this really love? Or just a habit, an attachment, a regret that what was so beautiful and convenient is gone? Or is this fanaticism, and you are only crazy about her beauty or body, but have never been particularly interested in her character? Or maybe it's wounded pride? After all, with such an attitude, sooner or later one would have to break the connection, having become carried away by another person.
Stop remembering the wonderful moments that happened between you. And switch to analyzing the bad ones: remember all the conflicts, the negative aspects and actions of your ex-darling, the unpleasant events of your life together. Create within yourself the desire to get rid of this negativity.
As soon as you begin to be overwhelmed by resentment and anger, you can use this method as “letters of anger.” Spit out all your emotions on paper when addressing your ex. Blame her for how unfairly she treated you. Feel free to use offensive words and obscenities. Write as long as possible until you get everything out and feel relief. And then just burn or tear this letter. After some time, you can repeat this procedure, and you will notice how gradually the resentment and anger are released from you.
A very effective method in the fight against anger and unsatisfied feelings is sublimation, when energy is transferred to socially approved activities. For example, you can go into sports and throw out your emotions on a punching bag, shooting at a shooting range, squats with a barbell or a treadmill. Or start composing poetry or drawing portraits of your ex-lover in different genres, thus pouring out emotions and developing yourself.
Switch to new experiences. After all, now you have time for yourself. And this wonderful chance cannot be missed so easily, forever reveling in one’s suffering. Finally do something that you absolutely didn’t have time for in your relationship. Take up your favorite sport, play the drums or guitar, study a foreign language, or assemble a model ship that has been gathering dust in the closet for a long time. Go on vacation to the sea or to the mountains. Choose hobbies that suit your tastes. Change your job or find a part-time job. In the end, renovate your home and completely refurbish your apartment or room. When you keep yourself busy to the maximum, there will simply be no time left for sad thoughts.
Remember that you still have relatives and friends who also need attention. Try to spend as much time as possible in the company of people you like, communicate, help people, go out with them into nature, to the cinema or a cafe. Moreover, there is a chance to meet pretty girls and at least for a moment take a mental break from your grief.
When you begin to feel guilty, you can also throw it out on paper. Remembering the conflict situations that you had with your ex-partner, describe them. Make a list of her complaints against you and begin to improve in the future in order to enter the next relationship and make it happier. And mentally ask her for forgiveness, promising not to make such mistakes again.
Analyze what useful moments you gained for yourself from the ended relationship. At a minimum, you have gained good experience in communicating with the fair sex, and, perhaps, you have begun to understand women's tastes. This means you will know how to please your future ladies. Perhaps you often went to the cinema, theater or read books together. Therefore, it’s great that you now have a broader outlook than you had before communicating with your ex. Moreover, you now know what mistakes you shouldn’t make in relationships with girls. Therefore, thank her mentally for the invaluable experience and move on.

Remember that if you keep resentment and pain from suffering inside yourself all the time, then sooner or later you can go crazy. If everything is so bad that after a long time you still haven’t found the strength to cope with the problem, contact a specialist. The help of psychologists and psychotherapists is now gaining more and more popularity and is no longer so “indecent” for the Russian mentality. In the West, people go to a psychoanalyst even more often than to visit relatives. And thanks to confidentiality, they trust that secret that they cannot tell anyone else, receiving valuable advice in return.

What to do if your girlfriend dumps you

The main thing in your situation is to calm down and stop doing meaningless actions.

“How senseless are they? We have to do something!” - you exclaim. But here you are wrong. Re-read the first part of the article about errors again and then come back here again. Calmness in our case is very important.

I understand it's hard for you right now. But believe me, many guys and men have gone through this. It was hard for them too, but they managed it and were able to get their soul mate back (I helped several hundred guys and men get their girlfriend back and I know what I’m talking about). And my advice helps even if the girl has left for another guy.

To somehow calm down, you need to make a plan for 2 weeks in advance. “Throw” things into it in such a way that you don’t even have enough thoughts to think about the one who left you. On the contrary, try to communicate with other girls. You don't have to try to seduce them. Simple communication is enough to heal your wounds at least a little.

That's all for now! In the following articles we will talk to you about what first steps you should take if your girlfriend leaves you. In the meantime, follow this simple recommendation to truly reduce your emotional pain.

Be sure to read the step-by-step instructions on how to get your ex-girlfriend back in the shortest possible time - and subscribe to the newsletter below.

Best regards, Roman Vinilov!

How to behave after a breakup?

Of course, after a difficult breakup, it will be quite difficult for some time, and sad thoughts and memories will continue to overwhelm you. But if you put in a little effort and be patient, the pain from suffering will begin to subside faster, and a new period of your happy life will begin. And for this it is useful to adhere to some rules:

You shouldn’t keep an eye on your ex and find out how she’s doing without you, in the hope that she’s also not feeling well. This way you will only open up the unhealed wound even more and you will die of self-pity. Especially if you find out that the girl is doing great, she’s enjoying life and dating a nice guy.
Try to accept this breakup as a necessary experience in your life, which provided many useful moments. Now you have learned that you need to be more attentive to your beloved girl, not to neglect some of her desires and requests, and you don’t need to make any mistakes. Thanks to this knowledge, you will be able to build a happy, long-term union in the future with an equally worthy companion.
Now it’s better to occupy your thoughts and your body with something useful. Study, work, play sports, learn something new. Finally, start volunteering. All this will contribute to your moral, intellectual and physical development, and you will also prove useful and necessary to others.
Discover limitless freedom. You are now free to do whatever you want. You can spend as much time as you want with friends, meet new interesting young ladies and even flirt with them.
But, having gained so-called freedom, there is no need to go to great lengths. You shouldn’t endlessly indulge in drinking, sexual debauchery, rowdy behavior, or spend days playing computer games. The brain should be cleansed and improved, and not be even more loaded with monotony and destructive actions.
It is very important at this stage not to knock things out and not plunge headlong into a new serious relationship. While feelings for one girl have not completely subsided, you can hurt another. Therefore, instead of starting an affair, just enjoy communicating with different girls, show signs of attention, flirt with them, while being gallant and courteous. In general, distribute your care not to one, as you once did, but to many young ladies. This way you will gain popularity among women and will eventually be able to choose the one to whom your soul will be drawn.

Find out the reason for the breakup

A very important point is to find out the reason why the girl leaves you. Instead of trying to persuade your beloved to stay, you should take your will into your fist and talk to her about you. You have to find out what happened and why she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Two situations are possible:

Situation one: She cares about you and she would really like to be with you, but something really doesn’t suit her very much. That is, there is a real reason for the breakup and it’s most likely about you! Let's say you completely forgot about her, stopped spending time with her, stopped paying attention to her, giving her compliments, and generally began to behave with her like an intrusive neighbor. The girl endured and endured, but in the end the cup overflowed and she decided that she did not need such a relationship.
How to determine if there is a real reason for the breakup? If, during a conversation, your friend names real life reasons like: “You’re not working, I’m tired of dragging us around,” “You forgot about me and all you know is to work,” then this means that there really is a real reason that is preventing your fortunately.
In this case, there is a chance to return everything to its place, and it is quite high. You need to have a serious conversation and figure out what's what. If you are willing to compromise for your sake, then everything can be restored. The main thing is to agree.
Situation two: when trying to find out the reason for the breakup, the girl is talking some abstract nonsense. She may say: “We have a big age difference,” “We are not suitable for each other,” “You are too good for me, you deserve better.” In this case, she most likely just lost interest in you! Perhaps she has a more promising young man. Perhaps you paid too much attention to her and simply took over her.
If you hear such answers, do not let the girl go just like that. Torture her further! Try to get feedback and find out what really happened. What actions did you take that led to this result? This can help you avoid mistakes in the future.
Is it possible to return your beloved in this case? Yes, you can. But there is one BUT! It is necessary to do this in such a way that she understands that she should no longer run away from you and that this could end in her complete loss of you. That is, she should not just return and wait for the next suitable opportunity to leave, but look at you from a new side and begin to appreciate you more.
What are the chances of success? Low. A lot depends on how enjoyable your relationship was and how you behave.

All the tips below apply to the second situation, when your lover is no longer interested in you!

How to avoid repeating mistakes?

To avoid repeating a similar situation with a painful breakup in the future, analyze your former relationship by asking yourself the following questions:

Why did we break up? What exactly went wrong?
What didn't suit her about the relationship?
What did I do wrong?
What did we both do wrong?
How could I correct the mistakes in due time?
What joint actions could have been taken to improve the situation?
What can I change in myself so that this doesn’t happen again in the future?

Find the answers to each question, think about them carefully and try not to make similar mistakes in the future when you want to build a new relationship.

What should I say

It is important to choose the right words

Sometimes it happens so unexpectedly. Your girlfriend left you, you don’t know what to say. It is worth listening to the following tips.

Don’t even think about saying nasty things about her, no matter what the reason for the breakup.
If you want to restore your relationship, choose your words carefully and think about every step.
Be sure to use compliments.
Tell me how much she means to you, how your life has changed with her appearance.
If she cheated on you and after that decided to leave, but you still don’t want to lose her, say that you forgive, that your love is stronger than that. But only if this is really the case. Otherwise, you will still remember her betrayal, reproach the girl for this, or simply feel “dirty” and the relationship will end very quickly.
If the girl left because of your betrayal, you should literally beg for forgiveness. Your words must contain sincere repentance and recognition of your mistakes. However, be prepared for the fact that it is very difficult for the fair half of humanity to forgive such a masculine act.
If the reason for the separation was your degradation, you stopped taking care of yourself or developing, then you must promise that you will improve and do everything so that you are together again, that you realize that such a princess as she should be next to the appropriate guy. It is important here that these words are not empty space, and that you keep your word. Otherwise, the girl will leave you again in literally a week if she sees that you are inactive.