How to survive the betrayal of a loved one. Discussion on LiveInternet

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Families break up for various reasons. However, cheating is still one of the most common. For one person, it becomes the cause of psychological trauma for many years, and for another, it becomes a chance to start a relationship again. But for both one and the other, such an act makes you think and change your attitude towards a loved one.

Why do men cheat?

There are different types of betrayal. It’s one thing when it happened accidentally under the influence of alcohol at a corporate party, and it’s a completely different thing when a man cheats constantly. The second situation is much more complicated.

The main reasons for male infidelity include:

See also...

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Call of nature (thirst for testosterone). A man has stopped doing what he loves, sports, and his body needs a new surge of emotions, which he seeks on the side in female attention;
Bad Education. Since childhood, the guy was deprived of attention. The parents went about their lives, ignoring the boy’s wishes. Therefore, in adulthood, he seeks love and understanding from all sides;
A woman is superior to a man. He ceases to feel like a male and wants to experience this feeling with another;
Male loneliness. A woman is passionate about children, hobbies and devotes all her time to this, not paying attention to her husband;
Lack of sexual interest in the wife. She stopped flirting with the man, showing him that she was only interested in him as the father of her children;
Changing a woman's behavior. She began to grumble in any situation and be always dissatisfied with her partner;
Lack of mutual understanding. The woman and the man stopped understanding each other;
Male self-affirmation. If something has not worked out for a man in life (lack of success at work), then with the help of betrayal he wants to assert himself;
The desire to try something new. A man’s life has become ordinary, and the same thing happens every day. This makes him tired and he wants to experience new feelings;
Transfer of responsibility. The partner cannot please his beloved and therefore expects some actions from her, but if there are none, then he begins to look for something new on the side;
Temptation by a professional seductress. The man simply fell into the hands of an experienced lady who charmed him with the help of cunning techniques.

Male infidelity seems to be mainly a need for spontaneous and unplanned sex.

Kinds

It is believed that betrayal is deceiving a person with the complete destruction of his good attitude. Many people believe that cheating can completely overshadow the moments spent together. Few people are able to forgive a partner who has devalued all the good things that happened.

What actions can be classified as betrayal?

Adultery.
Leaving a loved one in trouble.
Treason at the state level.
Abandoning your children.
Apostasy (religious apostasy).

Why do women cheat?

People generally believe that only men cheat. The justification for this is natural polygamy. But in the modern world, where women compete with the stronger sex, they also cheat, especially if there are reasons for this.

The main reasons for women cheating:

Sexual dissatisfaction. It sounds corny, but it's obvious. A woman can be satisfied with everything in marriage except sex. But, for example, if there is no tasty food at home, a person goes to a restaurant. So it is with treason. If there is everything in the house except quality sex, the person is cheating;
Emotional component. After marriage, a woman's heart is still emotional. It wants passion and great love. Therefore, falling in love with someone while married is a simple matter. Especially if, upon arriving from work, the husband collapses in front of the TV, while a work colleague’s eyes light up just by looking at her. For a woman, love is important. She finds it difficult to resist the man who desires her;
Revenge . Women cannot forgive a man's infidelity. But if she still loves this man, she really wants and tries to forgive. In order to continue living with such a person, women decide to cheat. In this case, self-esteem will increase and there will be no sadness in your soul. However, it is unlikely that after this a man will want to stay with such a woman;
Side entertainment. This reason for cheating is more typical for men, but some women are also susceptible to it. They cannot help but cheat, just as they are not able to give up other pleasures of life;
Fear of missing out on something. This “disease” was created by modern society. A person is afraid of missing something interesting and important. After all, this is available to some people, but not to others. Usually girls who have had only one man are subject to this temptation. Often the thought creeps into their head that maybe this is the wrong man and because of him she is missing out on a passionate life;
Accident. That's when it's forgotten in the morning. This happens, for example, after a drunken party. The fact is that there is practically no remorse in such a situation.

These are the main reasons why women cheat. But the essence may lie elsewhere. Therefore, you should not take them as a basis.

Reasons why they may betray

The following can be distinguished:

Selfishness. A person can be guided by his own, momentary benefit. This also applies to leaving oneself in danger in order to keep oneself safe and sound. Often, betrayal occurs on the part of business partners who decide to take advantage of the advantages offered;
Weakness. It combines weak willpower, low level of intellectual development, and poorly developed emotional intelligence. In this case, the person wants to solve his problems at the expense of another. He is not going to make an effort, since it is easier to betray than to overcome difficulties.
Unawareness. The person seems to be under hypnosis. In any other situation he could have acted differently. Circumstances forced him to take this step. At the same time, he himself is not aware of his action.

Is it possible to forgive betrayal?

Is it possible to forgive betrayal? This question is akin to the famous phrase: “Execution cannot be pardoned,” in which the placement of punctuation marks is entirely up to each person. There is no universal recipe. To decide whether to forgive infidelity, use a few tips below:

Take a time out. Betrayal is a painful mental trauma. It will take time (days, months, and sometimes even years) to survive it. Don’t try to fight in hysterics and cut off all the relationships you’ve created over the years. Calm down first. You must think calmly to make the right decision. Make time for yourself. Go to the spa, take a few days off. If possible, change your environment for at least one week. Embark on an unforgettable journey. Proper quality rest and new experiences will help put all your thoughts in order;
Study the situation. Treason and treason are different. According to psychologists, having an affair is only a small part of the problem. Before forgiving/not forgiving betrayal, carefully study the problem and understand what reasons contributed to the occurrence of this unpleasant event;
Don't judge your other half. Don't constantly remind about cheating. The episode of betrayal will have to be worked through and left behind, and not used as a tool to create feelings of guilt. The main task is not to decide who is to blame, but what to do in such a situation.

Only a strong person can forgive betrayal. But this can only be done if it does not happen systematically.

What not to do

There is an ancient parable. The wise and just King Solomon was given a ring on which a short phrase was written. In moments of sadness or joy one should pay attention to it. And then came the understanding of the temporality of everything that exists and happens. The caption read: “ This too shall pass .”

When you are in torn feelings, try to remember this phrase and do not do things that could complicate the future life of you and your loved ones:

Don't get hooked on the most popular drug - alcohol . It will help you forget for a short time, the worse the hangover and the returning memories will be.
Stop thinking in the subjunctive mood. Constantly rewinding the situation and imagining possible options for its development will not relieve the pain in the soul. Your brain will simply work in vain.
Don't take revenge on the whole world. Those around you are not to blame for your personal tragedy. And when punishing other people for betrayal, there is a danger of turning out to be a bitch . And push away that person who may become your truly close person in the future.
Don't confine yourself to four walls. Self-pity and tears into the pillow are permissible at first. Then it's time to open yourself up to the world . There is a good way to forget about your worries and stop focusing on them - this is to help those who are worse off than you. Solving other people's problems makes it easier to forget about your own.

How to forgive your husband's betrayal?

It is difficult to forgive your husband's betrayal. The reasons why a husband can cheat are different. For example, due to lack of love or simply because the lover is younger. To understand whether it is possible to forgive your husband for cheating, you need to understand the reason for his outside hobbies.

It seems that it is easier for an experienced woman to forgive infidelity. This is wrong. In fact, it is easier to forgive a young girl for cheating when her love life is just beginning and she is full of hope for the future. A woman who has lived with her significant other for many years and has children together considers betrayal to be the end of a love story.

Therefore, the first step to forgiving betrayal is accepting it. There is no need to feel sorry for yourself. On the contrary, it is better to convince yourself of attractiveness. If your husband wants to make peace and return to the family, declare peace, but do not hide your pain.

Let's talk frankly

Another way to forgive your husband’s infidelity is to talk openly. Third-party hobbies are easily detected. The spouse himself can tell about the betrayal. If a woman is modest and quiet, she should become strong and a little angry. If she is aggressive, then you need to be modest and restrained.

In other words, surprise your significant other with your reaction. If a man values prudence in a woman, then the conversation should be like that. The main thing is to make him feel guilty in the conversation. This will be the punishment. There is no need to threaten that you will also change or, conversely, forgive immediately. This is not a way out of the situation.

Temporary separation

It is impossible to forgive your husband if you see his face every day. Therefore, psychologists recommend living separately. If you have already packed your things, leave some reminder of yourself. You should not do anything to make your husband relax.

The main goal when leaving is to make the husband think about the current situation.

If there was a romantic relationship in the family, it is easier to forgive the betrayal. Usually such betrayals arise as a result of a quarrel or anger. It is advisable not to go to your parents. Better to travel. You need to take your children with you. However, you should not hide the child from the father. The trip in his eyes should be presented as entertainment, not punishment.

Question about children

Children should not be used as weapons. Adult problems are for adults, so they can solve them on their own. But children are the highlight in a difficult situation. They are the ones who will help mom cope in a difficult situation.

You need to forgive your husband not only with words, but also with good memories together. Every person can make a mistake. The child must be informed about the decision to stay or leave. If he is an adult, then he can draw his own conclusions.

Love yourself

Insecure women find it more difficult to forgive infidelity. After all, an attractive girl who enjoys success with the stronger sex finds it easier to deal with unpleasant feelings.

First of all, love yourself. Not as a mother or a successful woman in her career, but as a seductress. Light flirting and compliments from other men will help you forgive betrayal faster. No need to change. A conversation with someone you're interested in or dinner is not cheating. Prove to yourself that there is no one better than you. Even if you're not in the mood, dress nicely and meet with friends.

Forgiving betrayal is not always necessary. The action should not be forced. For example, for the benefit of young children or because of long-term relationships. If you cannot forgive the betrayal and come to terms with the fact, it is better to break up. There is no need to be afraid of loneliness. After all, if a woman is confident in her abilities, successful and strong, she can fall in love again at any age. Accept betrayal as a sign from above. Start a new life. If you don't want to, don't forgive. Living without loving is worse than betrayal. But keep in mind that actions must be deliberate.

How to forgive your wife's betrayal?

All men are owners. They are sure that the wife should be only theirs. For most men, cheating on a wife is tantamount to a major disaster. If the fact of betrayal is confirmed, a huge number of questions arise in your head, the answers to which cannot be found.

Advice from psychologists on how to forgive your wife’s infidelity:

Pull yourself together. Cool down and think carefully about the action of the other half;
Don't interrogate your wife in detail. This will significantly increase negative emotions. First, ask what that man meant to her;
It is advisable to separate for a while. In this case, each spouse will carefully think about the situation and draw their own conclusions. The decision will come on its own: whether to forgive your spouse or not;
Find strength in yourself and move only forward. Understand the reason why the wife decided to do this. Otherwise, it will not be possible to fix the problem and you will have to part ways;
Have you decided that you are ready to forgive betrayal? Take action. A long break can have a negative impact on feelings. It will be almost impossible to restore everything. Meet on neutral territory, talk calmly and discuss how to proceed. Perhaps you need to start all over again, as if you were not married, there was no marriage and infidelity.

It's up to you to decide whether to forgive your wife's infidelity. But if you still decide to save the relationship, you need to leave everything behind and never return to these memories.

Is there any benefit from betrayal?

As it turns out, there is. We become more selective about the people we let into our lives. We will be able to highlight the mistakes that were made and prevent them. The most important thing is to eliminate labeling, because of which worthy people may be missed. You will have to think maturely, as objectively as possible. You will have to understand that a certain share of the blame lies with the person who was betrayed. He needs to do serious work on himself and his perception of the world around him.

Life after a loved one's betrayal

Life after a loved one's betrayal is a difficult period, but you can cope with it. You will have to suffer, there is no way around it. However, according to psychologists, procrastination with depression is also not recommended.

It is also worth considering that most representatives of the fair sex face this situation. If you think you're special, the statistics say otherwise. Most girls have either already experienced betrayal or will experience it in the near future. Even if you notice happy married couples every day, this does not mean that there were no infidelities in their lives.

Tips on how to live after your loved one’s betrayal:

Don't blame yourself for what happened.
Engage in self-development.
Travel a lot and communicate with nice people.
Forgive your husband's betrayal and move on with your life.

Do not allow the thought that your mistress is better than you, more beautiful and younger. She is the same as everyone else. Your husband just liked the way she takes care of herself. He didn’t see what she looked like when she came home tired from work, sick and exhausted in the first years of a child’s life.

It's up to you whether you want to save the relationship or let go and start life from scratch. Don't chop rashly! Give yourself time to think things through.

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