In this article, psychologist Evgenia Dvoretskaya answers the question “How to get over a guy you like with the advice of a psychologist?”
He's gone forever. And you suddenly felt so lonely, so unhappy. You need him, there is no doubt about it. As well as hopes for his return. Despair weighs heavily on you, you don’t want anything, your eyes are constantly wet. There is only one way out - forget him. But how? How to forget the guy you love? This, of course, is not easy, but you can do it.
Your thoughts and reality
What is he thinking about?
Do you care what he thinks about? Who is he with and what is he doing? Nothing binds you anymore. You shouldn’t care what he ate today, how he’s doing, or whether the sun is too hot for him (after all, he’s not wearing a hat). You also shouldn't worry about his personal life. Whether he reunited with an ex-girlfriend or found a new one. This is another person's personal life. You are no longer part of it.
It's all my fault!
There is never only one person to blame for any situation. Even if he cheated on you, both sides are always to blame. There is no need to scold yourself and reprimand. Everything accumulates and there is no need to store negativity under any circumstances.
Accept that you are no longer there
On Monday he gave you roses, on Wednesday you had lunch in a cafe, and watched a movie in the evening. This is your reality. But she is already in the distant past. Your relationship has come to an end. Rejoice, although it sounds crazy, what remains if you don’t know how to forget your loved one. A new stage has come in your life and you need to accept it with the most positive emotions. Of course, it’s sad when something ends, but giving up the new and living with the old, which no longer shows signs of life, is stupid.
I'm so lonely now!
In the 21st century it is impossible to be a lonely person. A modern person has access to the Internet, where a huge number of people are waiting for him. Perhaps at first you will be afraid of loneliness, but this is only the first time. It’s easier to forget a man after a breakup if you expand your social circle.
Have a heart-to-heart talk with yourself
Rehabilitation period
The vast majority of people in such a situation make the same mistake: they try to suppress the depressive state in themselves, to hide it, as if it does not exist. Meanwhile, if it is perceived as a disease, and pain as, for example, an abscess, then it becomes completely clear that it needs to be opened, and not suppressed. Therefore, it is necessary to allocate time from the conditionally allotted two weeks for rehabilitation to “opening the abscess.” This means that you don’t need to fight the pain, you need to let it go, for this you need to suffer enough.
Heart-to-heart conversation with yourself
Before you can confidently move forward in life, you need to understand yourself. Life lessons are important for each of us. We must learn them, draw conclusions and not step on the same rake again, otherwise it will not be possible to forget the guy, especially if you still love him. Admit to yourself your mistakes, try to work through them. Try to remember what you weren’t happy with about your chosen one (not all people are ideal). Such analyzes will help you improve yourself and choose a better person for yourself.
One size fits all
Do not under any circumstances think that men are all the same and that the next one will also cause injury. All people are different and each person is an individuality and personality. It’s best to think about why exactly such people come to you and how you attract them. Maybe something is wrong in your behavior or in your preferences? Now you don’t know how to forget the person you’re used to, but tomorrow you’ll realize that it’s even better this way.
Emotions
Have you put everything in order, but your emotions are getting the better of you? You shouldn’t limit yourself or keep it to yourself. Crying is a great way to release emotions. It’s better to have a good cry once than to live in constant stress for months. If you cannot do this on your own or need support, it is best to consult a psychologist. There is nothing shameful about this. A psychologist is the same doctor as a dentist or surgeon. It heals your soul and helps you return to normal life. Perhaps you are a closed person and it will be difficult for you to open up to a psychologist and you will remain with a negative image of the psychologist. In this case, it is better to write all your experiences and emotions on a piece of paper. It will become much easier for you!
Advice from a psychologist on how to forget your ex-husband or boyfriend
Any psychologist will tell you that there is only one path to recovery - to survive the separation from your husband or the man you still love - this is to fully and deeply do the necessary work of grief. And then you will grow, be renewed, live a full life, come out of a difficult situation with valuable experience, and gain strength and wisdom. The wound will not disappear without a trace - a scar will form in its place, but it will remind you of your strength and perseverance, and not of pain and suffering. After all, scars are stronger than skin.
The best thing to do if breaking up with a loved one is causing you great pain is to consult a psychologist and get professional help. Do not believe if they offer you quick healing in 1-5 meetings. No matter how much you want to get rid of the pain as quickly as possible, you need to do the work of grief, and every wounded soul needs its own time.
Advice: choose a psychologist who works with grief seriously and deeply, who will listen to you carefully and with understanding, who you will completely trust, who will be ready to worry with you as much as necessary.
If you do not have the opportunity to contact a psychologist or for some reason you do not want to, then you can take the following steps.
Three simple steps on how to forget the person you love, but he doesn’t love you:
Step 1 – accept the situation as it is. This is the first and most difficult step. A girl who is going through a breakup with her lover usually lives in the past. She remembers happy moments with her boyfriend or man. If she loved, she had expectations about a future together, she dreamed of marrying him, having a family and children, and living happily for many years.
She refuses to believe what happened and tries to live as before, as if a man or boyfriend were with her. Accepting that it’s all destroyed is very difficult and painful. However, sooner or later this will have to be done.
Advice: look at the situation from the reality of today: yes, it happened; yes, the past life is destroyed; yes, a miracle will not happen. Acceptance is usually accompanied by a feeling of disorientation and chaos.
Step 2 – give free rein to your feelings. Usually this is resentment, anger, rage. Don't push them deep into yourself. They must come out. In women, these feelings usually pour out with streams of tears.
Advice: Cry! Pour out the rivers, the oceans of your pain. If you feel angry, throw it out! Hit the dishes, growl, scream! Tear the sheet! Stomp on the pillow! Feelings for a guy or a man who needs to be forgotten must come out of you.
Step 3 – Tell your story. It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend or a random person you meet in a cafe. Get an intuitive sense of who you can trust with your story. Grief is a universal experience for all people, and you are more likely to be heard. Once is usually not enough.
Advice: tell as many times as necessary so that the wound heals and you can forget your ex-husband or boyfriend whom you once loved very much.
Usually, after completing these stages, a person experiences sadness and a bright emptiness. This means that you have already accepted the situation and let go of the past. Now you are on the threshold of a new life.
And lastly, how not to remember the beloved man whom you still love. In the past, you had many happy, wonderful moments with this person. Yes, the relationship is over. But you have known joy, love, happiness, delight, a lot of light and beauty. After all, this happened in your life thanks to this person.
Now you can keep these wonderful bright memories for yourself as resources for the future. Thank life for this gift and try to forget the person you loved so much. Go further. On your way you will meet many more amazing things!
Many girls have a very hard time breaking up with their boyfriends. Everyone faces this sooner or later. Of course, pleasant memories, photographs, correspondence on social networks disturb the soul every day. But with time it will all pass! I want to help you get rid of this unpleasant aftertaste in your soul as quickly as possible and make your life more colorful. In this article I will give several different ways and techniques on how to forget a guy faster.
Let go and forget
When you have calmed down a little and adequately perceive the situation, then it is worth getting rid of some things in your life. Before you forget your loved one, you need to let go or remove everything that connects you with him.
Action plan:
- Delete his number, correspondence from all social networks, unfollow him on Instagram. He may be a good person, but if you keep such things, it means you still miss him. But that's not true, is it? You need to break off contact with your ex right away, otherwise it will hurt more. There is no need to give a chance to a person with whom you do not see a future, and he brings you only bad emotions. How to forget the guy you keep close via social media. networks, correspondence, etc.?
- Remember him as little as possible in conversations and in your head. When a person talks about something a lot and often, this indicates that the person is concerned about this thing, situation or other person. You have made the decision not to suffer and to live happily. Soon you will completely forget about the person, gifts and attention.
- As for gifts. If they bother you or irritate you and cause other negative emotions, it is best to get rid of them. There is no need to store negative energy where you spend a lot of time, namely at home or at work. Otherwise, you can use them and enjoy life.
- All that should remain from previous relationships is the bright memory of them. No pain, sadness or suffering. Only light and pleasant!
You shouldn't take revenge
Starting a new relationship to make your ex jealous is at least stupid and at most childish. You are only proving to yourself that your former chosen one is “the one and only.” Let go and enjoy life! Another person will appear who will give you a smile and happiness. It will be mutual. Believe me.
Go all out?
No alcohol, drug or cigarette will heal your mental pain. Remember this once and for all! The pain may go away for a while, but it will return very soon and will be much worse. Casual relationships can end in unwanted pregnancy. Therefore, control yourself.
Moving and travel
You can go anywhere in the world, but your pain will always be inside you. You are just running away from the problem. By moving to another city or country, you can invite even more problems that will completely knock you down and turn your life into a terrible “survive if you can” simulator.
All dots on "i"
The process of “forgetting him” should also not be delayed. While trying to forget, subconsciously you may want to remember him and think about him. Don't get hung up on it. Move on with your life! Work, chat with friends, have fun. The past must remain in the past, because it cannot be returned or remade. It has passed and there is only the present and the future, which you can build the way you want.
What to do and how to forget a loved one?
How to forget the guy you love - psychology
If your boyfriend dumps you, your faithful girlfriends will come to your aid. Organize a bachelorette party and tell them about what happened over a bottle of martini. Believe me, you will not receive such moral support from anyone else.
The girls will vying with each other to express their opinions about your ex - everything that has long been on the tip of their tongue, but was carefully hidden during the period of your relationship. You might be surprised by some things. For example, you didn’t notice before that he, it turns out, has imperfectly shaped nails and that he has no idea who Dontsova is. And the breakup at the end of the evening will not seem like grief to you, but the greatest blessing.
And after that, go on a trip - nothing calms and relaxes like a change of scenery. Just imagine, instead of a rainy autumn city, where every bench reminds you of your evening romantic walks, find yourself under the gentle sun by the warm turquoise sea. Just a dream! There will be no time to think about your ex-lover, and you will hardly want to. There are even more interesting things to do on the south coast.
The next option requires careful consideration, because this step is very important. If the suffering of your boyfriend leaving you is unbearable, you should get a cat, dog or other cute furry pet. Psychologists have long talked about how cleverly pets relieve stress. In addition, caring for them takes time. This is a very good distraction from gloomy thoughts and self-criticism.
Breaking up with your once beloved boyfriend is not the end of the world. You need to forget it and let it go - and then life will sparkle with bright colors again. After all, it is so interesting and diverse that wasting time on empty experiences is simply a crime.
Why I can’t forget my ex-boyfriend - tips
Don’t allow yourself to constantly think about the loss; replace these thoughts with any other thoughts.
The relationship with the person you want to forget is part of your past. And the size of this part directly depends on the time you spent together. They communicated with you, you experienced some emotions, your thoughts were aimed at contacting the person.
Now this person is no longer in your life, you need to somehow fill the void. It will be best if you find a new item to care for. It doesn't have to be a new partner, just a new pet. Talk to your friends, maybe some of them need your help.
Offer to work with the children of friends or relatives, visit those with whom you have not communicated for a long time. Taking up a new hobby and going to work can help. That is, you need to find something that you will devote a lot of time to, something that you will think about, that will give you an emotional return.
Change the task. Think not about how to forget the guy you love, but about how to get rid of the discomfort that he left. Be grateful to the person for being in your life. Let only bright memories of him remain.
Find something to please yourself that can increase your self-esteem.
Draw appropriate conclusions and leave the departed person in your past.
Communicate more. Pay more attention to other people. If the memories are too intrusive, do not hesitate to contact psychologists.
What to do and how to forget?
Life loves those who are devoted to it, and people love open and smiling people. At first it will be difficult to be in a good mood and think only about the positive, because this was your dear and loved one. But soon you will develop a habit and it will become your lifestyle. Life will become much brighter and new opportunities for self-realization will appear.
Time is the best medicine
“Everything will pass with time” is one of the most popular tips on how to forget your loved one and not think about him. Only time. There is a truth, but... Time will only help in one case - if you really forget and cut the person out of your life. Over time, you will make new acquaintances, and perhaps friends. Find a new job and hobbies. Only you decide what your life will be like.
Look around
When you are in a relationship, you don’t need to look around too much. After all, there is a loving person nearby, support and warmth. When people break up, sometimes it’s worth observing others and yourself. Why can some couples live together for 60 years, while others can’t last a month? What kind of relationships are there in general, and who plays what role in them? As for you... Think about yourself: do you need a relationship right now? Are you ready to give love, warmth and attention? No? Then pursue your goals and desires. And if so, then the world is full of loners. Maybe there is a person in your circle who has long wanted to catch your eye, namely yours!
New life partner
If you start looking for a new partner, then never compare him with your ex in your life. The former, once beloved guy is a story that ended in the past and remains there. Don't look for your ex in other guys. People are not the same externally and internally. Start a new relationship with a new you. Leave your communication manners and habits in the past. Try something new.
Man is born whole
After a breakup, especially if the relationship lasted a very long time, people feel inferior and their self-esteem plummets. This needs to be fixed as quickly as possible. Remember what you were interested in before the relationship or at the beginning. It's never too late to start dancing or kickboxing, learn to cook or write stories. Give free rein to your imagination and take action.
