In this article, psychologist Evgenia Dvoretskaya answers the question “What to do if a guy falls in love with you and you don’t love him?”
Maria Denisova · January 6, 2017
Should I send a guy? Ha, what could be simpler? But it only seems from the outside. If you have encountered this yourself, then everything is no longer so easy. Especially if we are talking about your friend with whom you like to communicate. You don't want to lose everything for which you value your friendship so much. But you are not ready to move to a new level of communication and do not at all see him as a guy with whom you could date. This means you need to refuse him in such a way as not to offend him. Let's figure out how to do this.
If you don't have any feelings for him other than friendship, don't pretend that you don't. You will give a person unnecessary hope, he will think that all is not lost. This will only complicate your relationship.
Remember, he is your friend. And it’s not his fault that he feels something more for you. No one is immune from this. So politely explain to him how you really feel. It’s not easy for him right now, don’t be a bitch.
Perhaps you still want to be friends with him, but are completely not ready for a romantic relationship. Tell him about it. This will show that you still value your friendship and do not want to offend him and lose him. This will make your refusal less harsh.
You may want to explain your refusal by detailing all of its shortcomings. You shouldn't do this. It is enough to simply say that you are not ready for more.
Refusing is like ripping off a Band-Aid, better done in one quick movement. Tell him everything at once.
This is suitable if your friend has just started casting a bait and is also hinting to you. Try to hint to him that he is steering in the wrong direction. Maybe it will work. But be prepared for a serious conversation.
No, it’s worth adding a little humor to this sad situation. But making a joke out of it is not. Your friend will think that you don't take him and his feelings seriously. It hurts. You don't care about him, do you?
What to do if you don't love a guy back
Why doesn't he love me
How to behave so as not to cause harm
If a guy doesn’t love you, but you are in love with him, this does not mean that you have no chance of being together. It is quite possible that you will be able to evoke strong feelings in him. However, remember that the opposite result may also occur - you will simply push the young man away from you. So, if you still want to get closer, try to just become friends with him first. There is no need to be intrusive, talk about your love if you do not immediately find a response. Tell him that you like him as a person and you would not like to lose contact with him. Offer friendship and make it clear that your love feelings have already cooled down. If you maintain at least a small thread of communication with this guy, you will have the opportunity to show yourself from the most advantageous side, give him the opportunity to take a closer look at you, evaluate you again. Moreover, if you remain silent about your true feelings, then the young man will be able to relax and not be afraid that you want to seduce him in this way, even if this is actually the case.
When suffering from unrequited feelings, the first thing to think about is whether your love for this guy is really real and so strong. Maybe the matter is completely different - vulnerable pride, an acute feeling of loneliness, long-standing sympathy, or something else?
In addition, it would be a good idea to study your immediate surroundings. It is possible that a guy who, for some reason, you decided not to consider as a potential life partner has been paying attention to you for a long time. Maybe it's time to change your attitude towards your fan and look at him with a new look. Of course, there is no question of throwing yourself into the arms of a person for whom you have no romantic feelings. However, this guy may deserve a chance from you - just try to get to know him better, and you may realize that you have much more in common with him than you ever thought. Often, while chasing something unattainable, we miss and do not notice something truly worthwhile - think about it.
I love him, but he doesn’t love me - how to make anyone fall in love with you
If you are in a relationship with him, but feel that you are not needed
If you are just friends or colleagues
Try to get closer gradually. Pay a little more attention to the man than usual - take an interest in his affairs, show small signs of concern. He should suspect that you like him, but he shouldn't have any clear evidence. Give him time to realize this, look at you from a different side, and perhaps he will understand that you really have a lot in common and he himself will begin to take initiative towards you.
If he doesn't notice you
If you fell in love with a married man
Having fallen in love with a married man, really evaluate your prospects. Is this person worth bringing such inevitable problems into his life? Even if he pays or has already paid attention to you, this does not mean at all that he will leave the family. At first, you may not demand this and will be happy to be content with little, but believe me, over time this will change. The position of a mistress will seem humiliating to you, and in part it is so. You will understand that the man is simply using you, and if his feelings were really real, you would be the only woman in his life, no matter what excuses and convincing arguments he finds. Of course, maybe he will leave the family, but in the eyes of many around you (some of his/your relatives, friends) you will remain a woman who broke up the family, even if everything there was heading towards a breakup. However, it may also be that your love turns out to be non-reciprocal, and later you will be ashamed to remember how you unsuccessfully tried to seduce a married man. In general, before throwing yourself into this pool, get ready for the worst-case scenario, and perhaps your love will be snatched away.
If your husband has fallen out of love
When does a man fall in love with a woman?
When he thinks about her. When he is interested in her.
And when can she be interesting?
When their areas of interests and hobbies intersect.
It is important to understand that every man has what he likes, his hobbies. Some people love sports, some people love business, and some people love photography. Some people are interested in politics, hunting, fishing, and others are into healthy lifestyle. Some are cat lovers, others are dog lovers, etc.
If you meet a man in at least two or three hobbies, you will 100% have a harmonious relationship. But, unfortunately, women often do not know how to do this!
On a date, does a man tell you how he goes to the gym, loves photographing sunrises and walking his pug? If you ask him in more detail, he will tell you more! But women don't do this! They do not look for common ground with a man, do not strive to do what he loves with him, but instead jump into his bed.
And then he doesn't call back. Why? Because he has a lot of interests in life, and believe me, sex will never come first (especially since he can do it with a lot of people...)
When a woman, together with a new acquaintance, begins to do what he loves, he smoothly transfers his feelings from these activities to her. And the only question is to find a man who will be interesting to YOU!
If he likes to skate: obviously, the second date is better spent on the skating rink, not in the bunk! 
I don’t like a guy, but I’m dating, what should I do next?
When dating a guy for whom you have no romantic feelings, the first thing you need to do is realize that in this situation you are only making things worse for yourself. Having really looked at the disadvantages of such relationships, perhaps you will still decide to break this vicious circle, and you will understand that your desperate fear of loneliness has driven you to a dead end. So, the negative sides of such a union:
You are depriving yourself of happiness
Perhaps you would have long been happy in a relationship with another man, with whom you would have mutual feelings, but you are depriving yourself of this. You may think that once you meet the guy of your dreams, you will leave your current partner, but this is just your illusion. This is the law of nature: nothing new will come into your life until there is free space for it. This space is now occupied by relationships that you don't want.
You're making yourself depressed
When dating a guy and not feeling love for him, you can hardly count on peace of mind and inner harmony. This is not surprising, because you are constantly forcing yourself to do something that you don’t really want. Perhaps you yourself do not notice what trap you have driven yourself into, and you even find arguments that one day the feelings will come, but somewhere in the subconscious you understand that you are engaged in self-deception.
You are taking up another person's time
Well, it should be noted that you are behaving quite selfishly towards the guy. Perhaps you believe that since he loves you, you are giving him a gift by being with him. In fact, this is not so - a real gift of fate for him would be a girl with whom he would have mutual feelings, but for now you take her place.
Love is something that has worried humanity for many centuries. In our life it has almost the most important meaning. Over the centuries, people have fallen in love, suffered, become happy or unhappy, entered into marriages and separated... Love captures people so much that they lose their heads and are ready to give up everything for the sake of it. Out of seemingly great love they begin to do stupid things, ruin their careers, abandon their families, squander money, and commit suicide.
Method one: Look for points of common interest with a man
Readers ask me: “I met a wonderful man, after 2-3 dates we had sex. He rarely calls me, writes... Oksana, how can I make him think about himself, how can I make him fall in love with me?”
And I always have a question: “What did you do with him on dates?”
Unfortunately, many women do not understand what a “high-quality, fulfilling, mature relationship with a man” is. Therefore, relationships begin only on sex. Hence the problem. Why?
Because you have no common points of interest. And sex alone is just sex—you can’t build a relationship on it.
When I first met Oleg, already on our first date we found out from each other that he was a computer scientist, and I was then studying to be an artist.
On the next dates, he taught me the basics of computer literacy and helped me print out cards for the History of Art test. And I told him about character accentuations and personality types (my second passion was psychology). Then he and I learned different programs on the computer together. And we also read Bulgakov or books on psychology and business together.
How to distinguish infatuation from love
Almost every person sooner or later falls in love, experiencing tender romantic feelings for the object of their love. We think about him day and night, dream about how we will meet, how we will touch... All people want to be loved and to love. This need is inherent in us by nature itself. And we seem to love, and even mutually, and everything is so good. But then the delight from communicating with a partner suddenly evaporates somewhere. For some reason it becomes boring to be with him, and what previously seemed attractive about this person is now repulsive and annoying. What's the matter? Yes, it's quite simple. The fact is that we have confused infatuation with love. And it’s good if you haven’t gotten married yet. Then the separation will not be so painful. And if you did, and even had children, and then life together turned into hell, this is already a disaster. Therefore, it is advisable to learn to distinguish simple infatuation from true love.
In fact, the difference between them is not so easy to notice. Both passion and love are accompanied by the desire to see your chosen one as often as possible. In both cases, thoughts are constantly occupied with him and with fantasies about the development of relationships. Both simply lovers and true lovers dream of reciprocity. Both of them experience uplift and excitement in the presence of the object of their interest. Both of them don’t know what to do when he’s not around. So how do you recognize love and distinguish it from superficial falling in love or simple sexual attraction? In order to understand whether love has really overtaken you, or whether you are experiencing some other, passing feelings, you need to calm down your emotions a little and soberly assess the situation. This will require answering several questions honestly and intelligently.
- What attracts you most in a guy?
If this is mainly his appearance (beautiful face and figure, manner of behavior, and so on), then you are still simply in love. Beauty is not eternal. People get sick, grow old and generally change. You cannot connect your life with someone just because he has attractive physical characteristics. Sooner or later, even the most perfect appearance becomes familiar. And, consequently, interest in it is lost.
And this can significantly shake the foundation of the relationship. If you strive to get to know your loved one as a person as a whole and find in him, despite his shortcomings, more and more attractive qualities, then it’s time to talk about the authenticity of love. No, and in this case, of course, there will be an assessment of his physical qualities. But it will already become an additional incentive for the development of feelings.
What different qualities do you particularly attract in a guy and how many are there?
When you are passionate, there are usually few such qualities. Let’s say you are fascinated by his smile, voice, sexuality, gestures, manner of speaking... And that’s all. In general, this is enough in the early stages of a relationship. However, if over time you do not try to reveal many more wonderful sides in your loved one, the feeling will come to an end.
True love implies the desire to get to know a person and discover new, very attractive traits in him. Each of us is individual and has both advantages and disadvantages. When you approach your boyfriend with such a standard and accept everything in him entirely, without trying to do something to radically change his character, the feelings can be considered deep.
We are told a lot about love at first sight, about how as soon as a girl saw a guy and immediately realized that he was her prince. In fact, true love cannot flare up instantly. A flash of feelings in the very first seconds of a meeting usually means that the guy simply made a strong impression on the girl. Sometimes it is based on sexual attraction, sometimes it is explained by an opportune moment, sometimes by intuitive attraction. But this is always not love yet, but a passion that can pass after a very short time. If the feelings have been going on for quite a long time, and your desire to be close to the guy only intensifies, despite the fact that you already know his shortcomings quite well, this is love. Perhaps she has not yet blossomed to her full potential. But it has already sprouted and promises to become a luxurious perennial tree.
How do feelings affect you?
When people are still simply in love, they are not able to control their actions, in which discord begins. During this period, the girl is overwhelmed only by emotions. In this state, she thinks about nothing except the object of her love, and can make a lot of mistakes. With true love, a person is more organized and strives to become a better person. Because it does not destroy, but inspires.
How do you cope with a long period of time when you don't see your boyfriend?
If, some time after breaking up, the desire to see your partner gradually fades away and interest in someone else appears - it was an infatuation. With true love, the absence of the chosen one next to each day intensifies the desire to meet him as quickly as possible. No one except this person is of particular interest; no one can take his place. In general, the test of separation is one of the surest indicators of the authenticity of love. Yes, we are afraid of her, fearing that the chosen one will have another object of passion. Yes, it hurts and can happen. But it’s better to let this happen before a serious relationship begins, and not after.
It must be said that the answer to all these questions cannot give a full assessment of the feelings you have for the guy. Often, the development of deep relationships begins with passion, which then turns into true love. In our case, we are talking mainly about the fact that you should not worry so much, if not the confidence that he is the one without whom further life is unthinkable. Maybe you should just look around, because there are so many interesting guys nearby! Surely some of them like you. All you have to do is smile at such a handsome guy, and all the suffering will go away. Do not want? Well, then we’ll think about what to do next.
How to make a guy fall in love with you if he loves someone else?
How can you make a guy fall in love with you if he is currently in love with another girl? Yes, very easy! But most likely you will have to do somewhat inappropriate things, and even a little mean ones, in order to get the love of a guy who is already in love.
To make a guy who has already fallen in love with another girl fall in love with you, the first thing you need to achieve is that he stops liking your stupid rival. Absolutely and irrevocably. While a guy is thinking about one girl, it is unlikely to switch his brain to another. You will be required to make the one he loves look like a complete fool and a creature. We'll have to thoroughly study the guy's tastes in order to competently pull off our rat venture.
Most guys are possessive and incredibly jealous. Even before the start of a relationship, even just watching the girl they like, with whom they may have little chance, they believe that she should not date anyone, that she should be sweet and feminine, a real lady. They create an illusion in their heads and then idealize it. Therefore, there is a very simple and effective way to kill and completely destroy a guy’s current feelings, turn his passion into nothing.
Depending on the situation, you need to act differently. If the guy whose heart we want to steal is not yet dating a girl, but is simply in love, it is necessary that information reaches his brain that she does not correspond to his type of ideal girl. The most effective thing is to have a hated enemy guy, whom he can’t stand, dragging into the girl what he likes, for example, the fact that they kissed. The effect will be excellent, sharply negative, and when the guy is disappointed in your rival, start acting quickly - a walk, kinesthetics, limiting the meeting. Let me explain in a nutshell: kinesthetics is touch, that is, hug him, rub him on the head, shake his hand, whatever - this is the main method of tying a person of the opposite sex to yourself. Secondly, limiting is when you limit your meeting. That is, you MUST be the initiator of the fact that it’s time to say goodbye. You should be the first to say bye, hug and leave, let questions arise in his head: “Did I do something wrong? Why did she leave? etc. – after that, don’t make contact on your own, let him call or write or approach on your own. Do not be the first to make contact under any circumstances.
How to please a guy if he has been in a relationship with a lady for a long time? But here you need to act completely differently, no meanness or damaging rumors about your rival. The fact is that over time, emotions become very dull, this happens in any relationship. The only thing you need is to bring more emotions to the guy. The important points are to look attractive, beautifully dressed, smile, and be sure, as in the first option, to be kinesthetic, that is, to touch more often. The guy will definitely take the bait and want to run away from his dream to you. That's all, there is nothing at all difficult about stealing someone else's boyfriend, or a guy who is in love with another girl.
Be a sweetheart, share the link:
For guys, there is an effective strategy for getting a girl back that works flawlessly.
What to do if you fall in love with a guy
Guys like nothing more in girls than friendly, cheerful sociability and wit. Young ladies with such positive energy attract a lot of fans. And our young man, too, will probably not remain indifferent to such a sparkling young lady. But for this you need to be present in his social circle as often as possible. This means you should learn as much as possible about his hobbies and try to share them.
Does the young man like sports? We go to classes at the same gym. He has a dog? Let's get ourselves a dog. Does the young man always hang out in the pool or fitness club? We sign up for the same pool and club. In a word, we try to do everything to meet with him often. And on occasion, we start a conversation about the guy’s favorite activity, trying to make him understand that we also understand something about this. After all, it is enough for a man and a woman to start talking, and some kind of relationship will begin between them. In the future, all that remains is to constantly stir up the interest of your loved one.
To do this, you need to improve all the time, change something in yourself, learn something, not forgetting to take care of your own appearance. Ungroomed, carelessly dressed girls can become friends, acquaintances, but not loved ones. Therefore, you should always look neat and attractive and try to be as charming as possible. Then the guy will see you as a woman, and not an asexual being. If this happens, he will begin to feel sympathy. This will be the first step towards the emergence of true feelings.
Then all you have to do is pretend that you haven’t yet chosen who to fall in love with. The young man will certainly be eager to be chosen. The goal has been achieved. Now let him think about what to do to make you fall in love.
How to make a guy fall in love with you
It's hard to imagine our life without love. Love for parents, who gave us life and taught us many things, love for children, family and friends is difficult to explain from a scientific point of view. Without this feeling, our life would lose meaning.
It's hard to earn. Most often it occurs on a subconscious level that cannot be controlled. This feeling manifests itself in care and guardianship over the person you love.
What is love?
Everyone knows the expression “love at first sight.” But, unfortunately, not everyone can feel it. Attraction to the opposite sex is due to the physiological characteristics of the body. But this still cannot be called love.
It is difficult to find your soulmate who can complement you and create a single whole called family. Sometimes you have to live your life for it. There are also cases of unrequited love, when the person you love does not reciprocate your feelings.
Some misconceptions of girls
Many young ladies sometimes hope that maybe one day he will look at you in a new way and then friendship can grow into something big, into something very close. Yes, sometimes this state of affairs is possible and will happen, for some early, for others later, but... not always. And often nothing changes if no one has taken the first step. Therefore, one of the proposals is to be the first to take this initiative, and not wait for the other party to guess about it.
Also, many beautiful girls today are convinced that everything should be like in “films about love”: they met, immediately fell in love, and mutual interest appeared. And if there is nothing of this, then you need - even simply necessary - to complain to your friends about your unsuccessful personal life. But life is not a movie. There are a huge number of reasons why guys may end up not even looking in your direction, much less expressing their feelings the way a girl would need it.
Man and woman - myths, stereotypes, differences
You should know that men are not like girls. At all. And male love or even falling in love is completely different compared to female falling in love and love. We are like two poles. The biggest mistake women make is hinting. We hint always and everywhere. However, there is one small snag that ruins everything. No, we are not talking about the fact that we are giving bad hints or that they do not want this relationship. It’s just that men practically don’t understand hints. At all. Their worldview is somewhat more primitive, and their perception of the world is more one-sided.
Plus, a man often loves with his eyes, so “gray mice” often go unnoticed. However, appearance does not always play an important role here. You need brightness, you need to be different from others in some way, to have your own individuality, your own “I”. In this material we will try to touch on some points.
What to do in such cases?
- First, you need to pay attention to yourself. Very often girls are afraid to show their feelings, because they don’t know what the response will be. They are simply afraid to hear “no.” They may silently harbor these feelings within themselves and carefully hide them. Should not be doing that. It is quite possible that your chosen one does not even know about your existence.
- Take care of your appearance. It’s quite difficult to attract the attention of others if you get lost in the gray mass. Create your own individual style. First of all, you must like him. This does not mean at all that you need to wear all the bright items in your wardrobe and do flashy makeup. This can only do harm. Be restrained and at the same time original and remain yourself. Pay attention to the style and behavior of your chosen one. This will give you some clues and help you get closer to him. If you think that you cannot cope with such a task, you can turn to stylists for help. Your sense of self-confidence will not go unnoticed.
- When you finish with your image, you should think about the next stage - this is acquaintance. A relaxed and casual acquaintance will be much more effective. Think through the scenario well. To do this, you will need to study your man's hobbies. If you know that he is an ardent fan of parties and clubs, take your girlfriends and go there. If he loves skiing or prefers a beach holiday, run for a ski suit or swimsuit, respectively. Try to visit the places where he spends his leisure time. It is quite possible that you will not have to come up with ways to meet people. Because your new image will force him to do it on his own.
“It also happens that when meeting their chosen one, girls simply lose their heads, their knees give way, their voice trembles and you are unable to carry on a conversation competently and interestingly. Coping with such an emotional upsurge is quite difficult. In this case, virtual dating comes to the rescue. Try to find common interests on social networks. This will allow you to calmly and balancedly express your thoughts and not spoil the first impression of yourself.
If all the operations performed do not bring the expected effect or your chosen one perceives you only as a friend, do not give up.
1. Make sure you have done the right work on your appearance.
2. Create competition. If you have a trusted friend of the opposite sex, ask him to play along with you. Let him begin to look after you and show keen interest. Men by nature are conquerors. He will not remain indifferent to this development of events and will begin to compete with him.
3. Show your chosen one your helplessness in those matters in which he is an expert. Ask him to teach you how to stand on skis or roller skate. He will be happy to show you his skills and willingness to help.
4. Try to be alone with him more. Show yourself as a good conversationalist and it is quite possible that he will want to invite you on a date.
It is important to remember that you should not discuss his acquaintances during pleasant conversations. Also, don’t talk a lot about yourself and complain about your life. Be positive and always be yourself. All in your hands.
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