Why does love disappear
About couples who noticeably cool off towards each other, they say that they are fed up with everyday life.
It’s not surprising - the routine of daily affairs, constant clues about one or another shortcoming of a partner, mutual claims will sooner or later extinguish any, even the strongest love. The family can rely on something else. So, gradually, for some people, warm feelings replace convenience and habit. Others are held together by calculations or obligations. For some, common children become the “cement” of a relationship. Such a man and woman coexist together as parents, but are neutral or even negative towards each other.
Important! Almost all parents love their children, that's a fact. But this does not mean at all that they should come first and require constant donations from mom and dad. In the end, one important point necessary for harmonious development is happy parents. Not necessarily living together or married, but happy and at least calmly related to each other.
Such partners have lovers and mistresses, cheating on their spouse becomes commonplace, a way to survive. In advanced cases, things often lead to divorce.
The strongest, most durable factor that can bind people together is love. If a woman understands that this man is important to her, then it makes sense to work on returning the hot feeling. Making a husband love his wife and miss her, as in the first days, is quite possible.
Interesting leisure time together
Psychologists strongly advise starting to do something together. The most desperate ones can jump with a parachute or dive with sharks - such extreme sports will splash adrenaline into the most routine relationships.
There are quieter options - cooking courses, pair training and drawing lessons, outings outside the city. Going out in public might also work: how long has it been since your husband saw you in an evening dress, and you saw him in a tuxedo?
How to reignite passion in marriage was last modified: August 13, 2020 by 7sisters
love, relationships, relationship psychology, romance, happy marriage
Fall in love with a man even after 10 years of marriage
Keeping the fire in family relationships and making your husband fall in love with you again is constant work. But situations often arise when it seems that everything is wrong and that something is happening wrong, that something needs to be changed.
Psychologists explain this for a number of reasons, and if you know them, you can avoid many problems, including the onset of a crisis in marital relationships. The main factors that, according to psychologists, lead to the fading of feelings within a married couple:
- Having gotten married, many women decide that the maximum program has been fulfilled: I love my husband, and now I can relax, as a result of which they stop taking care of themselves, quickly turning into overwhelmed, unkempt slobs, forgetting that their husbands go to work every day and they see beautiful, slender girls around them, who are far from indifferent to how they look in the eyes of others. Such a striking contrast is impossible not to notice, and, most importantly, it is often not in favor of the spouse. The husband begins to move away from his previously beloved, always beautiful-looking other half.
- Dreaming of obtaining the status of a married lady, not all young ladies have a clear idea of what awaits them after the wedding. Few people learn the necessary housekeeping skills by learning from their mothers. Often, the newly-made wife simply does not know how to cook. Any man will strive to go to a house where appetizing smells are always in the air and tasty and satisfying dishes are on the table. If this does not happen, and repeats itself with enviable regularity day after day, you should not pin your hopes on a long and happy life together. And you shouldn’t be surprised at the chill that has appeared in the relationship between the spouses. It’s not for nothing that there is a saying “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!”
- In the first years of marriage, no problems arise in terms of intimacy in the family. But over time, sex becomes familiar: the same standard positions, there is no passion that was there before. The attraction goes away, the charm of novelty is lost, it seems to the spouses that they know each other inside and out, which is why the desire to fulfill marital duty disappears. After all, everything is known in advance, sex is no longer so bright and is perceived as a duty, leaving both spouses dissatisfied and disappointed with intimacy.
- The birth of a child can also provoke a crack in the previous relationship of the spouses. A man lacks the same care and attention from his beloved wife. And she simply physically cannot be the same as before, when in her care around the clock there is a little man who is not yet at all adapted to this life and requires constant supervision and care. Sleepless nights, a crying child because his tummy hurts or his teeth are teething - the constant Groundhog Day for a young mother does not contribute to a romantic mood and acrobatic somersaults in the marital bed. And not all males can endure such a fairly long period of time.
Problems at work are also a common cause of coldness between husband and wife. Often a situation occurs when troubles and difficulties in the professional sphere of one of the spouses begin to prevail, relegating personal life to the background.
You can interest your husband or make him fall in love again if you read and follow the advice of a psychologist. The stages that a woman needs to go through in order to restore her former feelings are divided into 3 categories:
- Love yourself.
- Show concern for your husband.
- Take care of the family.
Try to remember the beginning of the relationship, what attracted you to each other, when a man loved you, what emotions you experienced and why. Then look at your current life, correlate and understand what is missing now, and whether there is an opportunity to return those moments.
Your husband fell in love with you when you were young and beautiful. Don’t forget that men are visual people; it is very important for them that everything in front of them is beautiful, just like his woman. How to make sure you always look great? You shouldn’t waste away and gain weight in his eyes. On the contrary, you should become every year even more beautiful than before.
Warning. Don't go overboard with changes. A sudden change in appearance can not only surprise your husband, but also shock him. Not every man is ready to see his beloved bald. You should look beautiful, not like a colorful parrot.
Advice. If it is not possible to transform completely, try adding at least the smallest colors to your image. Make a new eyeliner to express them, use a different lipstick color, and so on. The husband must be pleasantly surprised.
Only at first glance it seems that men do not notice anything. They just notice the little things, but do not talk about them, but simply put them in their subconscious. If you are beautiful around him, you will raise not only your self-esteem, but also his.
Psychologists say that in order to regain your former passion, you need to remember what previously foreshadowed it. To do this, it is necessary to fill the gaps in memory in which the bright colors of the past years are stored.
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Memories should be shared: the first kiss, funny and joyful moments, your overall happiness and romance. Invite your husband to walk through your old vacation spots, look at photographs of bygone years. This information will allow you to analyze how much you and your feelings have changed since then. A man also needs to acknowledge the fact that a lot has changed, and he also needs to take part in rekindling the former flame of love.
Warning. Under no circumstances tell your husband why you decided to remember the bright moments of your life. Pretend that the thought came to your mind by chance and circumstances so happened that you stumbled upon a folder with photographs where you were crazy about each other.
Advice. When you remember bright moments, don’t be shy about expressing your feelings. Start hugging him, cuddling him, stroking him, show your sensuality. With tactile communication you will enhance the desired effect and make the man remember and feel how good it was for him with you. He himself will want to return his old feelings.
Stage 3: Solitude
Make time for just the two of you. Send your children to relatives or close friends. Turn off your phones so no one can interfere. Start a conversation about everything that comes to mind, try to behave naturally, without excitement. Try to play on his heartstrings. It happens that due to lack of communication, feelings begin to dull.
Warning. There is still one rule. Avoid topics about home routine and everyday life. Talk about something that both of you will like and that relates to your feelings.
Advice. Try to create an atmosphere of maximum privacy. Nothing should distract you: neither phones, nor TV. Only two hearts yearning for mutual love.
Try to show gratitude around your loved ones. Don't take household chores, such as preparing breakfast or ironing and washing clothes, as a responsibility. Be grateful for the people who show concern for you. A simple “thank you” will bring warmth to your significant other’s heart. Praise your partner for every little thing so that he can feel warmth and comfort.
Warning. Words of gratitude should come from the heart. Don't just throw them away. Everything needs to be assessed on its merits, otherwise the words will lose their meaning and sound cheap.
Advice. Get creative. Write a nice message, leave a small note on the table thanking him for having such a person to share his life with you. It will be unexpected, new and very pleasant.
Don't get into a routine, it will catch up with you. Bring new emotions into life, without them any relationship will fade away. Modify your appearance or change your images. Travel, go to events, visit friends. But don't sit at home with your significant other all the time.
Warning. Try to understand your partner and present exactly those new elements that will touch not only your heart, but also his. If your husband does not respond to such changes and does not experience feelings of boredom when you are not around, this may be a wake-up call.
Advice. Be on the same page with your man, show interest in his interests and hobbies. This will make it easier for you to surprise him or provide help if something happens to him.
Relationship crises
There is an expression belonging to Frederic Beigbeder - love lasts three years. In fact, it is not just a beautiful quote, but a reflection of reality when it comes to relationship crises.
When people get together as a couple, they often expect that their life together will be full of only pleasant moments. But there are crises, or periods of tension in relationships, that can destroy a family. There are many of them, the most dangerous of them deserve special attention. The starting point is the wedding or the day of the beginning of life together:
- First year crisis. It is precisely associated with the cooling of ardent love. The time has come to adequately evaluate your partner. This is also the time for mutual grinding into each other.
- Crisis of three years. Romance fades away, giving way to everyday life, and because of this, quarrels occur more often. In addition, most couples have their first child at this time, which is why mutual claims also begin. It is with this crisis that the above statement about the life of love can be associated. It should be borne in mind that it may be a little later - up to five years.
Couple quarreling
- Crisis of seven years. This is the same satiety that entails disgust. This is the psychological fatigue of the spouses. Every day is similar to the previous one, there is no desire to seduce or entice. The house turns into a swamp, from where partners often run away in search of love fire to lovers and mistresses.
- Thirteen Years Crisis. It is usually associated with a child who has already turned into a teenager. Mom rather sees him as a baby who needs to be looked after, while dad sees him as an adult who needs to be introduced to the “older” life.
- The crisis of twenty-five years. Youth is behind us, old age is slowly approaching. There is a career, the children have scattered throughout life. The question arises: what binds spouses?
Passionate love truly lasts only three years. Afterwards, amorous relationships are not given just like that, you need to work on them. Therefore, a woman should know how to make a man fall in love with her again. This applies not only to her, but also to her partner, but they need to act differently. If you don’t pay proper attention, then cheating will begin, and then divorce is not far away. Of course, it is not a death sentence, but parting cannot usually be called a particularly pleasant event.
Important! Marriage is always about mutual obligations and concessions to each other. Marriage is also a commitment. Therefore, it is better to first try to maintain friendships and restore love relationships, leaving divorce only for the case when everything has already been tried.
More tactile contact
Have you heard of sign language in love? According to him, couples who rarely touch each other are the most unhappy. Family psychologists agree with this: in their opinion, the first sign of problems in a relationship is the absence of kisses. Correct the situation immediately. Dinner? Gently cover his hand with yours. Movie? Give me a big hug. Walk? Hold hands. Night? Kiss until you fall asleep!
How to love again
Having figured out that you can again win the attention of your loved one, first of all, starting changes with yourself, it is time to specify what exactly should be done in this case. There is no single fail-safe advice on this matter, since the individual characteristics of the partners are important. Here are the general 10 steps a woman should take if she wants to know how to make her husband love his wife again:
- Pay attention to yourself. Eastern women live like this: they dress modestly on the street, but for their man they dress up in their best, trying to look attractive. Russian women do the opposite. Meanwhile, it is the eastern tactics that are correct. Everyone wants to see a beauty with them, and not a housewife tortured by life. Every day you need to devote at least a small amount of time to yourself: do not forget about skincare and light makeup. You should go through your wardrobe, getting rid of worn and shabby things in it. Home clothes should be such that you can appear in public at any time without shame. If you are overweight, this is a reason to fight. This will not only attract your spouse, but will be incredibly useful for the woman herself.
- Praise. Marriage makes you look at life practically. Good things are perceived as commonplace, but bad things are a reason for scolding. It is unacceptable to do this. Partners are a mirror of each other. You need to praise for little things too, then it will be more pleasant to do them, and relationships will improve.
Woman praises man
- Be interested. All partners are different people. Their tastes coincide in some ways and differ in others. You need to accept and understand this: ask how things are going in your loved one’s favorite game, discuss an interesting book.
- Develop. When a partner does not grow morally and stands in one place, sooner or later communication with him will become boring. It is not necessary to adapt to him in this - it is enough to study, be interested in what you like.
- Take the initiative. Someone once said that a man should always make the first move. But this statement has long outlived its usefulness. Both spouses should show interest in joint activities and pastime. After all, women are usually the best empaths.
- Remember the general. Over the years of a relationship, the spouses definitely have something in common: a memorable place, a song with which romantic memories are associated, words that are important to both. It’s not enough to just remember them yourself, as they say, to yourself. They can and should be remembered together.
- Relax. Being a pedant all the time is bad for your mental health. Sometimes you need to let go of the situation, not focus on it, allowing yourself to rest. For example, don’t stand cooking dinner feeling tired, but order pizza.
- Take a break from children and family. These are the closest people. But eventually they get tired of everything. At the same time, there is absolutely no time left for your loved one. It’s good if a woman has the opportunity to send her children to their grandmother, for example, and devote the evening and night only to her husband.
- Pursue new sensations. We need to remember the very beginning of the relationship. I wanted to do so many things with my partner: go to Paris, jump with a parachute, make love on the deserted ocean coast. The example can be anything. Now is the time to put it into practice: go to a new place, experience new sensations.
New sensations for a couple
- Separate for a while. This is the most dangerous, but also the most highly effective step. A vacation away from her husband will make a woman miss her husband, no matter how he behaves in front of him. Or, if there are no feelings left between people who were previously close, this will lead to the realization that it would be better to leave.
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It has been noticed that over time in married couples, love develops into a habit, passion fades away, and it seems that nothing can be fixed.
There can be at least three scenarios here, namely:
- come to terms with the current situation and continue to live together practically as neighbors;
- file for divorce;
- try to fix everything for the better by giving a second chance to your love.
Interpersonal relationship specialists and family psychologists are confident that it is definitely worth trying to revive feelings if the partner remains close and dear, even if the matter is approaching divorce. Otherwise, it will be easier and better for both to part ways, otherwise in the future life together will turn into a painful and painful union. By listening to the advice of psychologists, as well as following the dictates of her heart and natural intuition, a woman will always find ways to preserve the family hearth.
So, what will help revive faded feelings for your husband:
- Recall your first date with your husband, remember what crazy things he did for the sake of love. A great idea would be to look through family albums with photographs from that time together with your spouse. This will allow you to understand how dear the person sitting next to you is, that love has not disappeared, it has always been in the heart. It’s just that in the everyday routine, all those wonderful moments of falling in love have been forgotten, entailing an incomprehensible expectation of something unknown, but at the same time beautiful...
- Stop comparing your partner with other representatives of the stronger sex, thinking that they are more successful, sexy and attractive in appearance than your spouse. In fact, other men also have a bunch of problems, shortcomings and complexes that are not visible to others at first glance. It is better to take on board the simple advice of psychologists - to praise and encourage your loved one more often, instilling in him confidence in his own abilities and raising his self-esteem.
- Update his wardrobe by adding stylish items and accessories so that your husband begins to look like a youthful, interesting man, and to some extent even an unfamiliar gentleman. And then, looking at him with different eyes, ask yourself a question: would you like to attract the attention of this handsome man with all the ensuing consequences? Often this technique works and turns out to be very effective, helping you fall in love with your husband again.
Don't forget about romance
When was the last time you and your spouse went on a date? That's it! Therefore, urgently get out somewhere together. You don’t have to start something grandiose—you can have a wonderful romantic evening at home. It's all about the atmosphere, attention and care. A common misconception: dating is for teenagers and the candy-bouquet period. Not at all: you can and should do nice things and arrange surprises, regardless of your age and the “age” of your relationship.
How not to attract love
If you look at the wife through the eyes of her husband, it is clear where the cooling comes from. Before the wedding, a man perceives his chosen one as a likely prey, trying to win her favor. A woman does the same, trying to lure and interest the desired person. After marriage for both, the partner goes into the category of “earned”, not requiring attraction.
Couple of unkempt people
Answering the question of how to make your husband fall in love with you again, one cannot help but conclude: you need to start with yourself. It is stupid to demand passion from your spouse without making any effort for it.
Love is not a war in which all methods are good. There are also stop actions that you absolutely cannot use to make you fall in love:
- Blackmail does not lead to anything good. You cannot make a man fall in love with you again, no matter how dear he is, through manipulation. This will ultimately lead to a deterioration in the relationship.
Blackmail by insult
- Lying is unacceptable to anyone, especially in such a delicate matter. Everyone lies about little things, but you can’t do this often or seriously.
- There will also be no answer to the question of how to attract your husband to you again without any effort. It is difficult to show tenderness and passion to someone who looks unkempt and does not have tender feelings herself.
Solution
But NASA specialists were not going to give up their plans. And the wheel issue had to be resolved somehow.
First the choice fell on rubber. It seemed like a perfect fit. Due to the elasticity of the rubber coating, the earth's wheels had a whole range of wonderful qualities that help when driving. They were able to withstand significant weight, absorb uneven terrain without risking the health of passengers or the safety of cargo, and maintain sufficient stability when passing through uneven areas. Isn't it a Martian dream? Unfortunately no…
The dream was destined to break on the stone of reality. What worked well on Earth did not work on the Red Planet. At temperatures down to minus 130 degrees Celsius and hyperactive ultraviolet radiation, soft and elastic rubber would instantly lose its advantages and turn into brittle glass.
Panorama of the bottom of the Curiosity rover. From images taken by the MAHLI camera Photo: NASA/JPL, ru.wikipedia.org
How to interest your husband and make him fall in love with you
Noticing indifference and coldness on the part of her husband, an intelligent woman will try with all her might to correct the situation and return former love, tenderness, and affection to the family.
Psychologists have several truly “working” tools to help restore marital relationships. These include:
- Disabling the so-called autopilot mode, in which the spouses were for a long time, which, in principle, provoked the created situation in the family.
- Love yourself first, start taking care of your appearance, tighten up, cheer up, play sports, experiment with different styles of clothing. Any man wants to see next to him a feminine, charming woman who is in love with him, because her appearance pleases a man’s vanity and gives him every right to be proud of such a life partner. The results will not take long to arrive. The light that appears in the husband’s eyes will tell you that the right path has been chosen. But it’s too early to stop there.
- Add variety to the intimate sphere of communication. Over the course of many years, the spouses have thoroughly studied each other’s passions, and intimacy no longer brings the same satisfaction that carries both of them upward. Taking the initiative into your own hands, realize your husband’s erotic fantasies and desires, making your sex life brighter and more intense.
- The two of you should go away from your family for at least a few days, to be alone with each other, disconnected from everyday worries and problems. A change in the environment very often helps to look at your other half with different eyes, to reboot the relationship with fresh impressions and emotions from communicating with a loved one.
- Do not sort things out in a raised voice, rewarding your opponent with derogatory and offensive epithets. Even if a quick reconciliation occurs, the residue will remain for life. With regular repeated scandals, these splinters in the heart will only aggravate the situation of family discord. It is better to learn to resolve controversial situations that arise quietly and peacefully, showing patience and respecting the position of the other person.
- There is an opportunity to go on a short romantic trip together – great. No - organize a holiday of soul and body right at home. Go to the salon, get your hair done, buy beautiful underwear, cook a delicious dinner - and spend the evening by candlelight, getting to know each other again and bringing love and tenderness back into the relationship.
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Surely everyone has heard the saying more than once: “The husband is the head, the wife is the neck, where the neck turns, the head goes.” The meaning of this wise saying must be used by every woman seeking to save her marriage. All you need to do is apply a woman’s cunning, multiplied by wisdom, and there will be happiness in the house. Do you agree with this statement, or do you have your own secret methods in the fight for your husband’s love?
What psychologists say
A psychologist can help the couple: give advice on how to re-interest the husband and re-attract his attention. The most important thing is to work on overcoming difficulties. I want love to be eternal and simple, to fall in love once and for life. Without recharge, nothing will live forever. It is important that even during periods of exacerbation, partners remain ready to hear each other and engage in dialogue.
Conversation between spouses
You shouldn’t console yourself with the thought that next time everything will definitely be easier. Crises occur in all respects. As psychological practice shows, many times divorced people do not know how to talk constructively - the same problem haunts them in all marriages.
You should work on yourself, make concessions, realize that the person himself is responsible for his own life. With this condition, you need to build relationships so that they are for the benefit of both partners and help them fall in love again.
Every second couple is faced with the phenomenon of cooling of feelings. This period is characterized by increased irritability, fatigue from each other, and the need for privacy.
Routine affects relationships, and gradually passion and old feelings leave even the strongest couple.
Women are more sensitive in terms of the emotional and spiritual sphere, which is why they are often the ones who sound the alarm as soon as they feel signs of cooling.
What attracts men to women?
A woman can and should make her husband fall in love with her again. The advice of a psychologist will help with this.
It is possible to preserve warm family feelings, but this requires work and the desire of both partners. It is sometimes very difficult to compare these conditions, and a woman often has to bear this burden on herself. Solitary efforts can often lead to the feeling that everything is going wrong.
Watch the video. Where have the feelings gone? What kills love in a relationship?
The following factors can be the causes of a family crisis:
- A woman herself provokes a situation when she stops taking care of herself. Sometimes it seems that for many girls the maximum program in life is to get married. After that, robes, slippers and an eternally tired, dissatisfied appearance begin. It's no wonder that husbands begin to grow cold towards their wives,
- Wanting to get married as soon as possible, many young people do not imagine the intricacies of family life. It is a rare woman who does not want to get married due to moral unpreparedness, following social dogmas. An unkempt apartment, wrinkled linen, and the lack of a proper dinner are unlikely to make a man want to go home. Most likely, he will prefer to stay late at work,
- Problems in the intimate sphere can create additional discomfort. At the same time, intimacy is an area in which not every man will dare to talk heart to heart. Most likely, he will look for variety on the side, but without the desire to leave his family, but simply for the sake of curiosity. To prevent this from happening, a woman sometimes needs to show initiative and diversity herself, so that marital duty does not become commonplace,
- The birth of a child, sad as it may be, can also provoke a crack in a relationship. Particularly in intimate terms. After another sleepless night, few people have the strength to spend the night with their spouse. A woman is often too busy with her baby, and there may simply not be enough time for her husband,
- Sometimes the cause of family conflicts can be an unfavorable work environment. Failures, emergency situations or financial difficulties can seriously undermine the psyche. So you just have to be patient. By the way, the impact of career on family is more common among men, since they perceive financial instability more acutely.
80% of success is competent behavioral tactics
If in a particular case there are several reasons, then after analysis it is necessary to identify the main one, and against its background, solve the rest. Some people grab onto all the nuances and solve all the problems, but such an irrational approach will take even more energy and will lead to a breakup rather than a resurrection of feelings. Rationality in family life and problems must take place.
Start with yourself to change the world
The phrase is quite hackneyed, isn't it.
However, she would not be so popular if she did not work. The first thing you need to understand is that your partner is not a means to happiness. Happiness is within you. And until this lesson is learned, it is useless to move on. Happiness should be within you and not depend on having a partner at all. And if you haven’t learned to control your emotions before starting a relationship, it’s time to start working in this direction. Remember that life is a constant work on yourself. Everything else is existence. You can whine long and hard about your excess weight, for example, but until you begin to control yourself, nothing will change. You need to reconsider your diet, exercise, or solve the problem with hormones.
It's the same in relationships. Look at yourself from the outside. Do you like yourself? Do you always treat your partner correctly, do everything that is needed, but at the same time do not burden yourself with too much? Don’t make excuses for shouting obscenities every day just because you asked to close the closet door a million times, but were never heard.