The world around us is full of irritants to which we cannot help but react. Modern man, with all the benefits of civilization with which he has surrounded himself, is a creature that is nervously extremely exhausted and defenseless. The frantic pace of life, a sea of information that our brain must digest without interruption, cataclysms in nature and society, economic instability and uncertainty about the future, disgusting ecology - these and many other factors have led to the fact that the first quarter of the 21st century was marked by a real surge in worldwide of neuropsychiatric diseases. Especially often, people began to suffer from bouts of depression. And what’s interesting is that the disease primarily affects countries with a high standard of living.
The effect of the defensive reaction
What does it mean to not be upset? In fact, do not react at all to those things and phenomena that cause negative emotions in us. But many of the protective functions of our body have long been lost, and we are sometimes enraged by such little things that a person who lived 200 years ago simply would not have paid attention to. Another option not to be upset is to be a real don’t care. How realistic is this? Hard to say. If some individuals possess such talents, most likely they are clearly of a marginal nature. And finally, another way to not get upset is to work on yourself, on your own self-government, control of your nerves. And in this science, simple and complex at the same time, each of us can succeed very well.
It's not always about you
If there is someone in your circle who constantly speaks negatively about you and others, then most likely the reason lies within himself. Negative words can be a way to release anger, frustration, or envy of others' plight. Or it may be an attempt to boost one's self-confidence by putting others down. One way or another, you must learn to ignore such people.
Remember that another person may speak badly of you not because you did something wrong. Maybe he's having a bad day, a bad time in his life, a bad marriage, or he hates his job.
Tip 1: Filter your surroundings
To start, just think about how you need to behave so as not to get upset. Review your life and try to adjust your own actions in such a way as to protect yourself from troubles as much as possible. For example, you noticed that in the presence of some people you feel discomfort, unpleasant emotions, and loss of strength. This means that try to remove them from your environment or reduce your general pastime to a complete minimum. Very soon you will notice that you do not need to be upset in 7-8 cases out of 10. Position yourself in such a way that those who want to be with you take care of your mental comfort.
How to stop worrying if you don't have time to do something
Co-owner of the St. Petersburg brand ARNY PRAHT, Anna Prakht shares her experience on how to stop blaming yourself and finally live comfortably. Anna runs the family business with her husband and is raising twins who are not yet two years old.
It cannot be denied that with the advent of children, the workload increases greatly and the rhythm of life and schedule changes dramatically. The most important thing, in my opinion, is to admit it to yourself first. Don't try to pretend that you can do everything at once. You need to realize that it won’t be “the same as before.” Having understood this, you will become more tolerant of yourself, you will take more care of yourself, and you will stop setting obviously impossible goals. Well, or stop making a twenty-item to-do list for every day, which only makes you nervous.
Often we raise the bar and make the ideal the norm. And then we constantly reach this high standard with great difficulty and get upset if something doesn’t work out. Is it really necessary to always perform a task flawlessly? I don’t want to upset anyone, but in 90% of cases, no. It's easy enough to do it well. Extra efforts are not justified and only waste us.
It is impossible to be a world champion in all sports.
I do not strive to be an ideal mother, because children do not have such an assessment criterion. It exists only in the heads of adults. It is more important for me to build contact with my children and build it well. I’m also not planning on becoming employee of the month yet. I do what brings the greatest results and profit. At the same time, I try to delegate as much as possible and don’t worry about the nuances. Nothing bad will happen if some processes in the company do not proceed as quickly as they would in some ideal world. What is really important for me to do is take care of myself. Organize quality rest, restore strength and health after childbirth. Provide emotional comfort and continue doing what you love. Even if not at the same pace yet.
I write a lot on various topics on my blog (https://www.instagram.com/annapraht/): and it helps me sort all my thoughts into categories.
Here, for example, are a few rules that I was able to formulate for myself during this time:
- Clear routine and schedule. I was an organized person before, but now I use this tool even more. This way I can have some time during the day just for myself.
- I plan even simple housework. At least in order not to devalue what I do in a day. It’s also important to feel successful at home.
- Divide tasks by priority: those that must be done and those that can wait. Those that can be done on the way to the store and those that are best left for the children's nap. Here it is important to always be ready to quickly adjust your plans, remembering only the main priority of this day.
- If I work from home, I make sure to organize my work space and change out of my home clothes.
- I try to simplify my life as much as possible. Cheap kitchen gadgets sometimes make life a lot easier.
- Raising and caring for children is a common concern of both parents. Involving the father is healthy and right for all family members.
- Weekends can be very productive if you think about them in advance. That's why I always plan family activities a few days in advance.
- I try never to compare myself to others. I don't even think I need to explain why.
- It is important to learn how to control the level of your “battery” before it is discharged 100% and the entire system fails.
Expecting your life to look like Instagram photos and demanding this from yourself and your family is immature and unaccepting.
It’s normal to get tired, not have time, to maneuver in the flow of things. It means being an adult and living a full life.
Tip 2: Adapt to Problems
You should not avoid impending problems, take the pose of an ostrich or a wise minnow. Learn to behave differently: not to panic or hysteria, but to act according to the situation - carefully and calmly. But be sure, no matter what force majeure comes, give yourself the attitude: “Don’t be upset, everything will be fine!” This part of self-hypnosis is extremely important. It’s as if you are programming yourself in advance for a favorable outcome of the incident, which will actually lead to victory or significantly mitigate a possible defeat.
Psychological causes of stress
Excessive irritability sometimes has psychological reasons. Every person has a certain set of fears and complexes, but when the strength of their manifestations goes off scale, it poisons life.
Tearfulness or irascibility are consequences of distorted perception. It arises due to the predominance of negative attitudes and beliefs in a person such as “Nobody loves me”, “I am not good enough”, etc. They are formed in people in childhood or throughout life as a result of negative experiences. Sometimes this leads to the development of diseases such as depression and neurosis.
It is not always possible for a person to help himself in such situations, because the roots of psychological problems lie in the area of the unconscious. The unconscious operates with images, and consciousness operates with words. Trying to persuade someone not to behave one way or another during depression is similar in effectiveness to a conversation between a deaf person and a blind person.
A psychotherapist will help here. He will choose the right treatment tactics. It can be:
- conversations using various psychological techniques;
- auto training training;
- the use of antidepressants and tranquilizers - contrary to popular belief that one has to take such medications for years, good results are achieved within four months.
Tip 3: your little joys
In order not to get upset over trifles, you should look at the world philosophically. Remember Carlson with his saying: “It’s all nothing, it’s an everyday matter!” Exactly, after all, if your child brought in another bad mark, and the boss looked askance, they were rude on the trolleybus, the world would not turn upside down and collapse. In such cases, do exactly the opposite: caress the child - even the rowdy and industrious one, he is yours, beloved and dear! Smile broadly and radiantly at your boss. Maybe he had a row with his wife this morning and should be pitied? And apologize to the boor yourself. This will discourage him, and will be a wonderful lesson for everyone present. Personally, please yourself with something tasty and pleasant. And love yourself, be sure to love yourself!
How to stop being nervous over trifles
At times, every person explodes over trifles. There could be a thousand reasons for this : fatigue, a lot of problems that happened in an instant, or a banal lack of sleep. In order to stop being nervous over trifles, the following tips will help you.
- Get rid of bad habits. As trivial as it sounds, smoking and alcohol increase the emotional stress on the nervous system. Despite the fact that people smoke and drink to “relax and calm down,” in reality they only muffle the problem, postponing its solution for a while.
- Let sports into your life. Instead of “fermenting” or running to smoke every five minutes, go in for sports or, if laziness does not allow you to do this, at least pretend to be a “swallow” on the balcony. Sport, as you know, clears thoughts and normalizes the functioning of not only the nervous system, but also the entire body as a whole. It’s not for nothing that back in Soviet times, all children were taught that sport is our friend.
- Have a rest. Perhaps you've just been running through life like a squirrel in a wheel, and you need a break to get back to normal. Take a break and eat a Twix. Hmm, by the way, this is the first useful advice I hear in advertising.
- Cold and hot shower. If you need to let off steam right here and now, then take a shower. A stream of cool and hot water will alternately bring you to your senses and make your brain work properly.
- You are what you eat. Sometimes poor nutrition contributes to malfunctions throughout the body, so watch your diet. For example, you should not drink coffee if you are irritated. No, I’m not a nutritionist and I’m not always for a healthy lifestyle (sometimes you can be outrageous), but, seriously, it’s better to brew yourself green tea, even if you don’t drink “that crap.”
- Go to bed. It’s not without reason that they say that the morning is wiser than the evening, so never solve problems at night. This will only give you insomnia and a headache in the morning worse than from a hangover.
- "I can do everything!". In fact, it is fears that create problems for us and, as a result, make us nervous even for the most insignificant reasons. Be confident in yourself, increase your self-esteem, learn to control your emotions and then you can easily show all your fears “fuck it.”
Tip 4: the art of being yourself
And this is also important in the fight against bad mood. Learn to understand your uniqueness, your personal pricelessness. Remember more often Yevtushenko’s poem “There are no uninteresting people in the world.” Naturally, someone may be more educated than you, smarter, more experienced, younger, more beautiful. But this doesn’t detract from your value, right? You do not become worse from such a comparison. And why compare, because life is not an eternal competition in which you definitely need to take first place. You are different or different, that’s all! Realize this, be imbued with this thought and go through life with your head held high. Then all sorts of sorrows will not pester you, like annoying mosquitoes and flies.
Be sensitive to others and yourself
Be kinder. If you feel like you want to judge someone, ask yourself one question: “What characteristics of this person are inherent in me?” This will help you change your point of view. You will begin to look for what you have in common with the person and take your mind off negative thoughts.
It will become easier and kinder for you to treat yourself. Treating others well will make you feel better about yourself and increase your self-esteem. Plus, being kind to others tends to come back to you.
Identify and name your emotions
Anxious thoughts about the future have firmly taken hold of the minds of many today. You should not keep fears to yourself, much less deny them - this will only worsen your situation. Admit that you are scared, find definitions for the feelings you are experiencing now. When you choose names and say out loud what makes you worry, their magical influence on you will weaken, and you will be able to begin to manage your emotions, rather than the other way around.
This will help you connect with others who may be feeling the same way, feel supported, and understand that your worries and emotions are a normal reaction to circumstances.
Focus on what you can control
In the current situation, little depends on us, and we cannot influence the outcome of the pandemic, but nevertheless, we can do a lot on our part to reduce unnecessary risks. We must focus on what we can control: our lives, family, friends, business, employees.
Talk to those around you and find out what you can do to help them. Even simple ideas like taking turns shopping can help everyone avoid unnecessary hassles. By showing attention and care for your loved ones, you strengthen the bonds between you.
