Hello, readers of the Hand Made Life ! Your child has grown up and you are seriously thinking about how to prepare your child for kindergarten. How can you reduce stress, minimize the trauma of separation from your mother and help your baby feel confident, mature and proud that he has overcome his fears and moved on to a new stage of life?
I wrote a lot of clever phrases and thought, do all parents understand how serious going to kindergarten is for a child?
I have repeatedly heard from young mothers and fathers that a child needs a kindergarten so that he does not get bored at home... To play with children, etc.
Does everyone understand how difficult and important this stage is for a child?
Let's talk about this further...
Well... In the article “We are going to kindergarten!” I wrote about how I feel about kindergarten in principle, and why the decision was made to send my child to kindergarten.
I also voiced the procedure for employing a child and some important points regarding the bureaucratic side of the issue. Read it if you have just started this process...
For those who are thinking about whether a child needs kindergarten, whether he is ready for kindergarten and has his doubts, I recommend reading the article “Kindergarten is a little death for a child” and Olga Pisarik’s book “Attachment is a vital connection.”
Adaptation and negative emotions
Many young parents have a stereotype that as soon as the child is three years old, it is time to send him to kindergarten for communication training, and parents need to return to work again. But often parents are faced with the fact that after a week the child begins to be capricious and throw tantrums, not wanting to go to kindergarten in the morning. He promises his mother to behave well and obey in everything, as long as they leave him at home. Teachers complain about the child, saying that he doesn’t play with anyone, doesn’t run, doesn’t have fun, doesn’t show interest in toys, and sits and is sad all day. Every time he rushes to the door when someone comes, expecting his parents. Often, the child begins to lose previously acquired independence skills, more often suffers from urinary incontinence, begins to speak worse, does not eat and sleeps poorly. This is how the period of adaptation to kindergarten manifests itself.
Let us take a closer look at the child’s condition during the period of adaptation stress.
The first is the negative emotions that are present in all children getting used to kindergarten, even if the adaptation period goes quickly and smoothly. The degree of manifestation may vary. A barely noticeable bad mood and real depression, when the child perceives being in kindergarten as imprisonment. A child's depression manifests itself in the fact that he can sit for hours with an absent look, not wanting to eat or play. This depression is also characterized by sudden outbursts of activity and aggression towards others. All the child’s attention at this time is focused on waiting for the parents, on the people coming, on the doors. Frustrated expectations can cause crying and hysterics. Then the child again falls into an indifferent state.
At first, after starting to attend kindergarten, when the child is distracted by new toys, he may show interest and “forget” about his grief, but in the following days, when the baby has already learned everything, his emotions again focus on negative impressions. He may whine constantly, or the crying may come in fits and starts.
Often, children who are in the grip of negative emotions cry to support all newcomers who are upset by parting with their parents. The phenomenon of crying “for company” is also known. The most persistent and long-lasting manifestation of depression is whining.
The emotional state of the child during the adaptation period
The second thing that a child constantly experiences during the adaptation period is fear. There is not a single child who has never experienced it while getting used to kindergarten. Fear is caused by a new environment, teachers, other children, and most importantly, the child’s assumption that his parents will not come in the evening, abandoning him in kindergarten forever.
The third common reaction during adaptation is anger. A child can behave aggressively, protesting against the changes that have come in his life, and rush at everyone who approaches him. At the same time, any trifle can become a reason for anger.
The easier the adaptation process is, the faster and more often positive emotions begin to take hold of the child. Joy and laughter are especially good signs that the end of addiction is in sight.
Fourth – social contacts. The more sociable a child is by nature, the faster his adaptation will be. Sociability may disappear completely in the first days of kindergarten. After some time, she will gradually return, but first the child himself will begin to take the initiative in communicating with other adults. Usually these are appeals to teachers with a request to take them home. Alternatively, the child can at least ask for a separate room without other children with whom he does not yet want to be friends and communicate. The turning point will come when the child establishes contacts with peers from the group. Friendship will help the addiction end faster.
Also, during the period of adaptation to kindergarten, the child’s facial expressions, views, and manner of movements may change. This also needs to be paid attention to.
The fifth thing that needs to be highlighted in the state of emotions of an adapting child is curiosity and a thirst for knowledge. Under the influence of stress, cognitive activity fades along with positive emotions. At the age of three, a child actively explores the world through play. Therefore, once in kindergarten, the baby stops reaching out to toys and games with peers. The return of cognitive activity means a gradual “recovery” from stress.
Sixth is social skills. The baby’s psyche is under such pressure that in the first days after starting to attend preschool, he may forget how to take care of himself. Because of this, the child may become an object of ridicule from other children and cause dissatisfaction with teachers. A child may temporarily forget how to feed himself, wash his face, wash his hands, dress and undress, use a napkin and handkerchief, and may forget to say “thank you” and “please.” When the stress from adaptation disappears, the baby will remember all the forgotten skills.
Seventh - speech. From stress and emotional overload, a child can forget many words. Verbs begin to prevail in his speech, and there are much fewer nouns and adjectives. The baby begins to speak in monosyllabic sentences, briefly, concisely. With easier adaptation, speech practically does not change, but severe adaptation has no effect on the speaking process. And even with easy adaptation, the child cannot at this time remember a sufficient number of new words for his age.
Eighth – physical activity. From stress, the baby becomes either too slow or too fast. It is necessary to be careful not to confuse activity due to innate temperament and unhealthy activity - a consequence of stress.
Ninth - sleep. At first, the child is completely unable to fall asleep during the day. He often sits on the bed and cries. Then, over time, the baby gradually begins to fall into a restless sleep with frequent awakenings. Quiet, normal sleep comes only after adaptation is complete.
The last thing is appetite. Under the influence of stress, a child may almost completely refuse to eat in kindergarten. Occasionally, the opposite situation is possible: a sharp increase in appetite and gluttony. The more the child gets used to it and gets used to it, the more his appetite returns to normal.
Don't be alarmed if your child loses weight during the adaptation process. Having become accustomed, he will regain the lost weight and will continue to gain it in the process of growth and development.
Sometimes also during the adaptation period, a child’s temperature rises without any colds.
Adaptation is a very complex and difficult process for a child’s body and child’s psyche. The stress experienced by a small person affects vital activity and, to one degree or another, disrupts the normal functioning of all the main systems of the human body. It is not surprising that the child’s immunity suffers greatly, the child’s natural defense against disease decreases, and he is susceptible to frequent colds. Illnesses interrupt the process of a child’s adaptation to kindergarten, and after recovery, unfortunately, it begins again.
Game "Sandwich"
Rules : The child is placed on a pillow or a folded soft blanket - this is bread on the plate. When you “spread” the bread with butter, stroke the child and say affectionate words. Another pillow or blanket is placed on top (this is cheese, sausage or even bread) and the butter is “spread” again, pressing harder on the baby. Then you “eat” the sandwich, gently and gently squeezing the baby in the pillows.
Effect : the game “Sandwich” will help restless and hyperactive children when they are overtired. Scientists call this the effect of deep pressure on the body - it relaxes, gives a feeling of peace and is generally similar to a massage. With this pressure, the brain produces serotonin - the hormone of happiness. Therefore, for example, children exposed to stress are recommended to sleep under heavy blankets (up to 7 kg). The dependence is simple - the heavier the blanket, the faster the child falls asleep and sleeps sounder.
The harm of nurseries and early visits to kindergarten
Until the age of three, visiting a kindergarten will only bring harm to the child, which will be the stronger the younger the child is. The reasons for this are as follows.
Physiological and psychological development does not yet allow a little person to part with his mother without harm. The child’s body will react to the stress caused by visiting the nursery with a neurotic reaction. The development of a child who goes to a nursery will be sharply inhibited - so much so that parents will not even be sure that it is still ongoing. It will continue, but very, very slowly.
It should also be noted that children attending nurseries develop their speech abilities worse. This is due to the fact that they communicate a lot with peers who have the same undeveloped speech, and very little with adults, from communicating with whom they could increase their vocabulary. The ability to express one’s thoughts in words does not develop sufficiently when a child is placed early in a kindergarten or nursery. Also, as a result of the fact that a child who had been silent until this time was forced to speak under stressful conditions for him, he develops an appropriate attitude towards verbal communication. Speech is understood by the child as a means of salvation, and not as a means of communication.
If a small child spends a lot of time outside the home, his deep contact with his family is disrupted, which will affect communication with his parents in the person’s later adult life. From 2 to 3 years old, children should learn to communicate freely with their parents and to freely compose whole phrases and sentences. Children who were sent to kindergarten before the age of 3 tend to hide their experiences; they are reluctant to share them with their parents in the future. They learn to keep everything to themselves in kindergarten. Such children usually cannot describe what they felt and worried about in kindergarten during the past day.
It is very difficult for 3-4 year old children to communicate with a group of peers. These kids already know how to play together, but playing in a group is difficult for them and almost impossible without the example and training of teachers. Often the third child breaks or spoils what two players have built or made. He simply doesn’t know where to put himself and how to organically integrate into the game of his comrades, so in this way he expresses a protest against his absence from the game. This causes tears, fights and does not teach children to respect each other. They begin to believe that the truth lies with those who are stronger or more cunning.
A kindergarten up to three years of age or a nursery is beneficial only for children from unfavorable asocial families, children with seriously ill parents, with specific illnesses or with extremely negative home living conditions.
Game with hand chewing gum
Rules : you will need special rubber chewing gum with the smell of strawberries, bananas or grapes. Such a thing takes on a soft, hard or liquid state (the result of an unsuccessful attempt to create rubber). Outwardly it looks like ordinary chewing gum, but does not stick or get dirty. Invite your child to make different figures out of it, try tearing it apart and putting it back together again.
Effect : with increased brain function and tension, a person needs a release, and a tactile toy strengthens the muscles of the hands and fingers, relieves stress, reduces aggression and irritability.
Causes of stress in a child
Stress during the adaptation period is caused by separation from parents. The child may perceive it as a betrayal, as a sign of uselessness and evidence that he was abandoned, given to someone else’s aunts. In addition, the child does not know how to behave in new conditions; he worries that his actions will not be approved by the surrounding children and teachers, that they will laugh at him. Fear of loss, fear of the unknown and fear of disapproval causes a lot of stress.
Difficult and lengthy adaptation in children, constantly interrupted by illness, may never even end or may take entire months. If doctors at a children's clinic predict a difficult adaptation for your child, then it is better to send him to kindergarten not at three years old, but later, when he has grown a little and learns to adapt better.
We should not forget about the three-year developmental crisis of the little person. It is at the age of three that a child becomes aware of himself as an individual and tries to show this to others. Experiencing this crisis exacerbates the child’s sensitivity, so the resulting adaptation is further aggravated. Many children cannot withstand such a “double load”, and their psyche “fails”, causing a nervous breakdown. The combined efforts of parents, educators and pediatricians at the clinic should help the child overcome difficult adaptation to kindergarten.
Severity of adaptation
Many parents ask questions: are all children doomed to suffering caused by a difficult adaptation period? No, not all. For some children, adaptation to kindergarten is quick and easy, taking a couple of weeks. The child is not sick, his behavior changes very slightly and for a short time, without causing concern to his parents.
Also, adaptation may not be easy or difficult, but “medium”. It usually takes more than a month and is accompanied by periodic illnesses in the baby. Diseases end without complications, differing in this respect from diseases that accompany difficult adaptation. Here, following medical recommendations for hardening children and strengthening their immunity can be of significant help.
Parents should remember that children who have experienced difficult adaptation to kindergarten, as a rule, have a long and painful time getting used to school in the future.
Water games
Rules : pour water into a basin or draw a bath and allow the child to have pourovers, experiment with tinting the water, and swim. This way you can play on the way home if it’s raining outside and there are large puddles. True, then it is necessary to put on a waterproof suit on the child, so that the child does not get sick, and the parents are calm about clean clothes.
You can purchase a waterproof children's suit in the online children's outerwear store RITTA-SHOP.RU. The jacket is fastened with a zipper and Velcro, the trousers have adjustable straps.
Waterproof suit at RITTA-SHOP.RU, from RUB 1,500, order
Waterproof suit at RITTA-SHOP.RU, from RUB 1,690, order: +7 (812) 948-17-15
Effect : playing with water calms and relaxes; it’s not for nothing that a warm bath is considered the best end of the day for a child. Water washes away tension and anxiety, excessive excitement.
In hot summers, the best effect will be obtained if games with water take place in the pool. The IntexCorp online store presents swimming pools of various sizes and designs in which not only children, but also parents can swim.
Inflatable pool at IntexCorp, from RUB 1,350, order
Frame pool at IntexCorp, from RUB 7,310, order
Risk factors
There are risk factors that increase the likelihood of severe kindergarten addiction. If there are several unfavorable factors, it is advisable to postpone the start of attending a preschool educational institution.
The first group of risk factors relates to the prenatal period. These are toxicoses during pregnancy; diseases suffered by the mother while she was carrying the child under her heart (exacerbation of chronic diseases and infectious diseases); This group also includes taking medications during pregnancy, smoking by the mother, stress and conflicts suffered by her (no matter in the family or at work), drinking alcoholic beverages, working in potentially hazardous industries and enterprises. Also keep in mind that the father’s frequent consumption of alcoholic beverages before the mother’s pregnancy is also a risk factor for the child’s future development of a complicated form of adaptation to kindergarten.
The second group of risk factors relates to the birth process itself. These are all kinds of complications that arose during childbirth, birth trauma in the child, asphyxia suffered by him, operations performed by surgeons during childbirth. This also includes the incompatibility of the Rh factor of the blood of the mother and child.
The third group of factors relates to the postpartum period. This is a prematurity of the child and, oddly enough, postmaturity, with a birth weight of more than 4 kilograms. This also includes frequent illnesses of the child in the first month of life, smoking and drinking of alcoholic beverages by the mother during breastfeeding. Artificial feeding is also a risk. Pay attention to maternal passive smoking during breastfeeding. If family members smoked around a nursing mother or child, this can affect his nervous system and complicate the process of adaptation to kindergarten. Frequent infections of a child under three years of age, the presence of diseases such as rickets, anemia, paratrophy, malnutrition, diathesis, chronic diseases of the child (heart disease, pyelonephritis and others) are risk factors. Here we also need to add the dissatisfaction and depression of the mother, poor material and living conditions, the lack of hardening procedures carried out with the child, and the delay in his nervous or mental development. Risk factors include the child’s lack of opportunity to communicate with peers and adults, differences in the daily routine at home and in kindergarten, an unfavorable emotional climate in the family, swearing and conflicts between parents. The risk is the life of a child in an incomplete family, and also if the child is the first-born or even the only one in this family.
As we can see, most risks come either from illness or from the incorrect behavior of parents before and after the birth of a child. Improper upbringing of a little person is also a risk factor. If you instill in a child that he is an idol and a prince and everyone will always bow to him, fulfilling any of his whims, then the child will have a hard time in kindergarten. The opposite case with an overly strict upbringing of a child is also a risk factor.
Some factors are irreversible, and parents cannot change them in any way. In particular, these are factors associated with the course of pregnancy and childbirth. However, the family can neutralize some factors. For example, eliminate smoking in the apartment, begin to harden the child, adjust the home regime in accordance with the kindergarten regime, lack of communication with peers and adults, mistakes in raising a child, unfavorable atmosphere in the family. The sooner you eliminate these factors, the easier and faster the child will be able to adapt to kindergarten.
