Why are we afraid of old age?
It is human nature to fear the unknown. Old age is also one of those things: until you become old yourself, you won’t know what it’s like. In addition, people, especially in our country, have examples before their eyes when old age does not bring joy and it certainly cannot be called the most pleasant period of life. Few people consider their own grandparents to be role models. A small number of examples of happy old age, together with the general uncertainty and fear of death, add up to a terrible picture.
Take care of yourself and your body
If we realized that we are getting old, this does not mean that we need to give up on ourselves with the thoughts: “Well, what’s the point of doing my hair and buying a new dress, I’m getting old anyway.” Take care of your hair, do your nails, apply makeup, take care of your skin. Cindy Crawford said a wonderful phrase:
“No matter what I do, I’m not going to look 20 or 30 years old. I want to be beautiful at 50. I exercise, eat right and take good care of my skin. The impossible is now demanded of women, but this has nothing to do with age. It has to do with how you look, no matter how many years you live.”
How to deal with the fear of old age?
Think about old age, but without fanaticism
There is an opinion that frightening thoughts about old age are associated with a person’s inability to live here and now. We can only partially agree with this. Only very rich people can avoid thinking about the future, but everyone else cannot avoid this. The main thing is to do this without fanaticism: treat achieving a happy old age as a difficult task that needs to be solved. Take care of your savings, think about the people you would like to meet in old age, where you would like to live and what to do. Keep this imaginary picture in your head and take small steps closer to it.
Accept yourself
Not all people look in the mirror and are happy with the reflection. And it’s not about real beauty, but about uncertainty and self-dislike. Try to deal with complexes while you are young: in old age, when natural physiological processes add problems to you, this will be more difficult to do. Seeing your wrinkles, you will literally go crazy with your own imperfections. To avoid this, try to accept yourself for who you are - you can learn this from supporters of body positivity.
Engage in self-development
As people age, they go out less and less and do something new less and less. This affects mental abilities: with age they weaken in most people. To think clearly for as long as possible, you need to feed your brain with new tasks, not be lazy and engage in self-development: for example, go to master classes, trainings, lectures.
Make your life more meaningful
Meaningfulness can help combat the fear of old age. It's about understanding the meaning of life, even if not on the scale of the Universe. What is the value of the present moment to you? What gives you pleasure, what do you consider important? Having realized this, you will be able to live your life not in vain, and in old age you will not be tormented by the torment of wasted years and missed opportunities.
Fight stereotypes and social pressure
Society has long had a cult of youth and success, and this is largely why aging causes so many psychological problems in people. It will become more and more difficult to meet beauty standards every year, so the pursuit of external attractiveness is doomed to failure. It is important to understand this and resist social pressure: a happy old age is hardly possible if you do not fight stereotypes and defend your right to imperfection.
Look for the right role models
Perhaps in Russia the average person does not encounter many examples of happy old age, but this does not mean that there are no successful role models at all. Today, there are more and more examples of how in old age people continue to live full lives, take care of themselves, travel, take up new hobbies, and do business. Think about which of the current older generations you like, and let him become an example and inspiration for you. This will help you understand that a happy and active old age is not a myth that cannot be achieved.
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Causes and treatment
There are several psychological reasons for the development of fear of old age.
- Loss of beauty and attractiveness. It is known that in old age a person’s appearance changes: the skin becomes flabby, wrinkles, age spots, etc. appear. Many of those who are afraid of aging are too fixated on their appearance. This behavior is often a defensive reaction arising from a feeling of inner emptiness and the inability to prove oneself as a self-sufficient person. The loss of beauty and youth is the beginning of a meaningless existence for such individuals.
- Helplessness and loss of health. Old age, as a rule, is accompanied by various diseases, decreased performance, and loss of physical strength. Many people are afraid of facing weakness and becoming a burden to loved ones.
- Fear of loneliness. Often, along with old age, loneliness comes to a person. For a normal life, any individual needs communication, but old people often find themselves forgotten and of no use to anyone. This is the reason why many people have a fear of aging.
- Fear of death. Sometimes the reason for fear of old age is related to the fear of dying, since in old age people are most vulnerable and close to death.
We recommend reading: Claustrophobia, or how to overcome the fear of closed spaces?
The prerequisites for the fear of growing old can form in childhood. A child’s attitude towards old age can be influenced by public conversations, watching certain films or television shows, and observing how other family members treat old people. Even an accidentally heard story about how helpless and lonely an elderly person is can be deposited deep in the subconscious and subsequently become a reason for rejection of old age. The presence of a child at a funeral or witnessing the death of an old person can also trigger the development of a fear of aging.
If the severity of fear is not too high, you can try to fix the problem yourself. A relaxation method that includes breathing exercises, meditative techniques and neuromuscular relaxation, as well as autogenic training, is suitable for this. If attempts to cope with the problem on your own are unsuccessful, you should seek help from a specialist. To eliminate physiological symptoms, the patient is prescribed sedatives or antidepressants. Medicines relieve nervous tension, reduce anxiety, and for some time a person forgets about his fears. To work through the causes of fear, you need to visit a psychologist or psychotherapist. The most effective psychological methods to combat this problem are Gestalt therapy, graded desensitization and cognitive behavioral techniques.
First of all, a person who is afraid of aging needs to realize that this process is inevitable, and each age stage has certain advantages. Old age, first of all, should be considered as a period of greatest wisdom, invaluable experience and joy from communicating with grandchildren. People cannot say with certainty how they will feel after a few years. Perhaps their worldview will completely change, they will acquire different values, find new friends and set goals for themselves, the achievement of which will become the true meaning of life.
Do something interesting
Do what you love and what brings you joy. Or something that you have been wanting to try for a long time. Have you ever wanted to take up watercolors, learn a language, or learn how to sculpt with clay? Right now!
Richard Gere once said beautiful words on this topic:
“None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an afterthought. Eat delicious food. Take a walk in the sun. Jump into the ocean. Share the precious truth that is in your heart. Be stupid. Be kind. Be weird. There’s simply no time for anything else.”
At what age is a woman considered old?
Very often we can come across the opinion that after 30 a woman is no longer young, and after 40 she is completely old. The most surprising thing is that this opinion is readily supported by women themselves.
When they announced the filming of a new James Bond film and announced that 50-year-old Monica Bellucci had been cast in the role of Agent 007’s new girlfriend, how much indignation I encountered in the comments on the RuNet!
“Yes, where did they take her, she’s 50!!!”, “Yes, what kind of Bond girlfriend is she? She’s old, who can she seduce?! She already has so many wrinkles!” At the same time, few people noticed that Bond himself, or more precisely Daniel Craig, has long passed his fifth decade and is now 47 years old. That is, the new girlfriend is quite a match for him.
Such indignations were especially inconsistent from the lips of mature ladies, who, on the one hand, are probably not happy that in local society they are considered middle-aged, but on the other hand, they are directly hostile to Western trends, where a woman in her fifties may well have spy adventures, and sex and love.
Diseases as consequences of phobia
Fear of aging carries with it a reluctance to face serious illnesses, treat them, and experience unpleasant symptoms. The most common ones are:
- Impotence is the nightmare of all men. It is known that with age, a man’s strength weakens, and he cannot afford what was previously easy and enjoyable.
- Weakness is another big fear of men who are accustomed to being strong and being able to carry any load or move a closet. With old age, they lose the ability to perform such functions, and sometimes they themselves need help.
- Impaired memory and thinking - Alzheimer's disease is a common consequence of old age, as well as memory loss. These are irreversible processes that are more common for men than for women.
- Loneliness - for women, communication is a mandatory condition of life. Children grow up and leave home to start their own families; pensioners do not go to work. It turns out that there is no one to communicate with, against which a depressive state develops.
- Oncology - the body wears out, immune strength is lost, chronic diseases worsen, and with them cancer cells spread, absorbing healthy ones. Cancer occurs very often in older people.
Obviously, old age carries with it many negative consequences, and the worst thing is death. But you shouldn’t focus on this, because this is a natural process. Old age has many advantages - acquired wisdom allows you to give advice to children and grandchildren, which many people use with pleasure. Children love to come to old people who live in harmony with themselves and joy. You have a chance to play with your grandchildren, living another life with them, teaching them what you know. You can remain happy at any age, the main thing is to improve your quality of life and be in a positive mood.
What kind of women do men choose?
Of course, as I already said, you can find a partner at any age, but it is much easier for a self-sufficient woman to do this. Put yourself in the shoes of men - these days you can meet many women who are not only beautiful, but also successfully engaged in some business.
And who is more pleasant for a man to see next to him - a woman who is self-sufficient, full of creative plans and, accordingly, wants to be with this man only because she feels good with him, or a woman who does not have a good job, has no interests, but has a lot of material or housing problems, and does she look at a relationship with a man primarily as an opportunity to resolve these issues?
Naturally, a normal modern man is more interested in seeing a self-sufficient companion next to him. By the way, since I started this video with James Bond, actor Daniel Craig got married not so long ago. And not on some young beauty, but on someone her own age.
During the next filming, he fell in love with his co-star and is now married to the famous 45-year-old actress Rachel Weisz. A beautiful couple, now they live and work together.
In the same way, any other successful man would rather meet a lady with whom they work together or communicate through a common hobby than with a beautiful 45-year-old woman, but without specific activities and a bunch of unresolved problems.
They most likely will not even meet, because they live in different worlds.
Another look at role reversal
For most people, aging alone is a punishment, but for some it is a dream! No, it's not that they don't have children or don't love them. These people just learned to enjoy life and take care of themselves. Parents living separately from their children are not burdened with living together; they have a lot of free time that they can spend as they please. Many retired people begin to write books, travel, study foreign languages, play sports, in short, live life to the fullest and enjoy it.
Useful reading: Psychology of aging
Many young parents, tired of everyday life and worries with children, secretly dream of being completely alone for at least a few days and forgetting about all their problems. However, they understand that this dream is stupid. Having raised children, parents soon have to babysit their grandchildren, and everything begins again. But I really want to live a little for myself.
Not so long ago, lonely old age was seen as something terrible. But now more and more people are changing their views on this matter, and, believe me, their lives are becoming much easier. Girls used to be scared: “If you don’t get married, then the fate of an old cat lady awaits you!” What's wrong with living with a cat or dog? It's better than living with a man who doesn't value you, or having a bad relationship with children who are a burden to you.
