Living in fear
Source: lifehack.org Translation: Balezin Dmitry
Sometimes the solutions to our problems are not nearly as confusing and incomprehensible as we seem to think they are. Some of us make these decisions too difficult. Often our problems exist only in our heads. Sometimes the journey from where we are to where we want to go isn't nearly as scary as we imagine it to be. In reality, the journey is often joyful and liberating.
Living in fear
Some of us create our own difficulties. Our inability to make certain decisions or carry out certain actions results in us being locked into a reality that we do not enjoy. It would be more accurate to say - we hate. And at the door of the prison that everyone has created for himself, there is a guard who exists only in our minds - fear.
While other people can move in and out of our prison (reality) at will, some of us have been held captive by fear for too long - for as long as we can remember, it continues to tell us what to do and what not to do. Fear influences, if not “controls,” almost every aspect of our lives.
For many years we feared that we would be hurt in some way; they were afraid that we would get fat, that they would stop loving us, that we would be poor and humiliated; We were afraid that other people would expose the “falseness” we believed. We become numb at the thought of loneliness. We have lived a significant part of our lives on the “negative side”, trying our best to avoid the “bad”, trying to survive and therefore, at some point in our journey, we seem to have lost ourselves. It is possible that we have never found ourselves - that “I” that still wants to live; the Self we are capable of becoming; that “I” that we have dreamed of since childhood.
If you are still THERE, then there is nothing terrible about it
Sometimes, the seemingly insurmountable abyss between our current situation and our idea of the amazing is much smaller than we think. Much, much less. In fact, just one step away. And there is only one challenge - often the step that needs to be taken is a dizzying step - the step “without safety net”. And we love safety nets (the ones in the circus) and harnesses so much - this is a big part of the problem.
Fear is a jealous guard that wants you to remain in a prison of your own making that you never stop believing in. The Guardian does not want you to look out of the prison and look at what exists outside its boundaries; he doesn't want you to know what you're capable of. The guard is unable to keep you in prison, but only he knows that. All these years he was holding a pair of threes while you were holding four aces (poker game), but he managed to bluff. It made you look down, made you believe the lie that the cards in your hands weren't good enough. Well, listen...
Your cards are quite good. You are good enough.
This is not some kind of positive thinking to improve well-being, this is not “mumbu-yumbu”, this is reality. You just need to make this fact YOUR reality. Fear does not want you to make decisions, take advantage of opportunities, explore your options, because at this moment it loses its power. Fear doesn't want you to associate with "positive" people, and it certainly doesn't want you to pay attention to articles like this.
Healthy and Unhealthy Fear
Naturally, there is a time for fear. If someone points a gun at you and you feel afraid, it means that you are a normal person, not that you have no courage. This fear can be called healthy. But that's not what we're talking about today. Today we are talking about unhealthy fear, a destructive and often irrational fear that controls and destroys our lives.
Fearful creatures
People often ask me what I think stops most of us from realizing our potential and creating a better life. In fact, there are several obstacles on the list of possible causes: procrastination, laziness, ignorance, indifference, ego and a couple of other reasons, but without a doubt, FEAR tops the top of most lists.
We humans are fearful creatures - it's true. At some level, we are all driven by fear from time to time, and up to a certain point, this is understandable. It's even reasonable. But beyond a certain point it becomes stupid. Even destructive. It's all about knowing where that line in the sand is and being on the right side. A little fear is good. A life ruled by fear is bad and terribly painful.
Too many major “life decisions” are made with a fear-filled mindset. As a result, many of us live our lives making compromises, not achieving all we can while living in prison. And all this is repeated and repeated and repeated, as if we were Bill Murray from the movie Groundhog Day. All our days are similar to the previous ones. And as sad as it was, for some tomorrow will be the same. All because we do the same thing, despite the fact that we so desperately want something different. The journey from where we are to where we want to be scares us to death, so we stay put, staying in prison...
“I actually don’t really like my life right now, but at least I know it to some extent – it’s predictable. I know what the day ahead holds for me and in some ways, I feel comfortable in this environment. This state of affairs doesn’t really fill my life, but it doesn’t scare me either. And if you don’t mind, then I will live like this for 40 or 50 years until I die just like my dear dad. There won’t be a lot of joy and fun in my life, but at least I know what to expect from it.”
We love certainty (which is very dangerous to love certainty in an uncertain world), we have a bad habit of security , we seek recognition and want to live without risk (good luck with that). However, the irony is that certainty, safety, recognition and lack of risk…. do not allow us to grow, learn, adapt, change, improve. Or find a better life for yourself. In reality, often what we are most drawn to is our biggest obstacle (flaw).
I've spent a lifetime observing how people complicate the simple, avoid the obvious, and fail to do exactly what should have been done a long time ago. Some people stand on the threshold of their greatness for years, marking time, wasting their time and talent and hoping in vain that success will somehow find its way to them. An interesting, but completely unrealistic idea.
Some people are in situations or conditions they don't want to be in for years or even decades. This is because they associate more discomfort/pain with the process of getting rid of the existing reality than with being in it. That's why they stay. Unhappy and scared.
Some who are passionate about personal growth and development (self-development addicts) have become real masters of this. They always need one more workshop, one more dialogue, one more conversation with a mentor, one more book, one more day and then... Okay, maybe two more days.
The sad thing is that they don't realize that what they really need is not more time, books, seminars or motivational dummies, but what they really need are "harder balls." (balls - determination, courage, masculinity (rude) - translator's note). Pardon my bluntness, but some people are very well educated, they are capable and gifted, extremely talented and too TIMID. I've met many of them.
Give me a man of lesser ability, who has had fewer good opportunities and more disasters, but a truly brave man, and I will show you how to get real results. I know this is not a message that is often thrown around in the personal growth arena, but in my opinion it is a big mistake. I think this needs to be shouted from the heights. We gravitate toward things that make us feel better (which are mostly useless and disempowering)—psycho gum. This makes us feel warm and cozy for 10 minutes, but in the long run no changes or results occur.
Naturally, there are times when you need to be listened to, hugged, supported, inspired. The problem is that many people have had all this for several years, but they are STILL in the same place, still doing the same destructive activities. Sometimes therapy is not the answer.
I know this is not a very popular statement, but it is true. Sometimes some people need to absorb bitterness to stop seeking pity, to stop being a victim, to start taking control of their lives. Smile.
Courage
We are often taught that the best life comes from talent, opportunity, planning, goal setting, vision, passion, discipline and a couple of other things. And to some extent this is true. But there is one undeniable ingredient that does not receive the attention it deserves - courage, courage.
The ability to do what needs to be done despite fear. If we have all the ingredients but no courage, we won't move. Fear and all its consequences that manifest themselves in the lives of us mortals is something that has always delighted me. I watched him destroy friendships, careers, businesses, marriages and the lives of others. I saw how he destroys personality. Like most other emotions, at some level we create fear ourselves. Fear is a personal response to something or an interpretation of something: an event, a situation, circumstances.
I have also seen people overcome fear and enjoy life and the happiness, joy and fun that comes with true freedom. I have seen brave people transform their lives after years of disappointment and sadness. And I saw how ordinary people did incredible things because they decided to leave their prison cell. Once and for all.
Remember...
On the other side of fear is freedom!
Enjoy your freedom my friends! You deserve it.
Copyright © 2008 Balezin Dmitry
How to make money on cryptocurrency deposits?
New fears: 5 things we are afraid of in 2020 and how to live with them
Getting infected with a new virus is not the only cause for concern that the pandemic has brought. The Lifehacker publication has collected 5 things that have become new fears of humanity in 2020.
Photo: Shutterstock
Fear 1. Complete virtualization of life
Many felt uneasy when not only work calls, but also friendly parties went online. Many fear that soon the virtual world will completely push aside the physical one. We will see each other only on screens, study and work remotely, and instead of sincere personal conversations, we will be content with chatting. Journalists and researchers regularly talk about this possibility. And people feel increasingly lonely, despite all the social networks and opportunities for remote communication.
How to cope
Remember that the fear of a technocratic apocalypse is not new. Media professor Jim McNamara described how, with every advance in technology, people feared that new products would overwhelm everything that came before them. Even the advent of writing prompted the fear that communication by voice would disappear. And the disappearance of books into oblivion was predicted immediately after the invention of television. But we still talk and read literature. Most likely, personal meetings between people will also be supplemented by active online communication, but will not replace it. It’s just that now the lack of real contacts is felt especially acutely, but this is a temporary measure, and not a tendency towards the extinction of living communications.
Fear 2. New epidemic or second wave of COVID-19
From the countries that were the first to face the epidemic, news is coming about the second wave of coronavirus. For example, South Korea is reporting a new increase in cases. This puts quite a lot of pressure on the psyche: it seems that the worst is left behind, when suddenly the nightmare repeats itself. Just like in a horror movie, when a kind rescuer turns out to be a maniac. Many are afraid of a repeat of quarantine: again not leaving home and watching with alarm the growing numbers of cases. What if the virus mutates? Or will something new appear? There are no answers to these questions, as well as a feeling of confidence in the future.
On the subject: The faint of heart should not watch: 10 films and TV series about viruses and epidemics
How to cope
First, remember that the first wave hit the world so hard because we were not prepared for a pandemic. The virus from Wuhan was not taken seriously for a long time. Therefore, hospitals immediately filled up, and countries went into quarantine. Currently, new medical facilities are being built around the world and the new coronavirus is being actively studied.
Secondly, when it comes to global problems, one thing helps to find peace. Take control of your part of responsibility and let go of the rest. There are things you can do personally: practice social distancing, wear a mask, wash your hands frequently, and stay home with cold symptoms. And there are others that you can't change: how other people live and whether they eat undercooked bats. So keep your focus on the former and don't think too much about the latter.
Fear 3. Health problems
Everyone around is talking about how they feel and different symptoms. Everyone listens to themselves and notes the tiniest reactions of the body. And to get caught in the crosshairs of indignant glances, all you have to do is sneeze in a supermarket. Because of this, even healthy people begin to attribute illness to themselves. And hypochondriacs and people with anxiety disorders have it especially hard. Their worst fears came true: people began to really get sick without knowing it, and the virus could really be everywhere - from handrails in the subway to food in the supermarket.
How to cope
While the world is in the midst of a pandemic, this fear may even be useful. For the first time in history, germophobia (fear of bacteria) has become not only socially acceptable, but also justified. Being more attentive to your health and leading a healthy lifestyle is not the worst side effect of this fear. The main thing is to try to channel hypochondria into a positive direction of self-care.
Use this moment to start eating well, getting enough sleep and exercising regularly. Also, don’t diagnose yourself using the Internet. If something is bothering you, consult a doctor, not people on forums with similar symptoms.
Fear 4. Digital surveillance and interference in the human body
Having to report in advance when and for what purpose you go outside has become a traumatic experience for many. There are many new bans and restrictions, but there is no information about how long they will last. Such circumstances are fertile ground for all kinds of conspiracy theories. Some tell how the new coronavirus was created in a laboratory to destroy the world economy. Others talk about mandatory microchipping of all people to control movements.
Still others are scaring people with new 5G towers that allegedly spread the coronavirus. At the same time, anti-vaxxers became more active, and even before the invention of the COVID‑19 vaccine, they spread alarmist messages about forced vaccination. It is difficult for even the most reasonable people to remain calm and pragmatic in such a situation.
How to cope
Conspiracy theories are both good and bad in that they cannot be proven or disproved. These ideas can look very logical and coherent - like any well-thought-out lie. But the peculiarity of our thinking helps them seem truthful. The human brain prefers to believe in something scary, but interesting and understandable, than to wait for boring and proven information. This doesn't mean that everything you read on social media is not true. But imagination can only go so far, so it's much better to focus on your own life than trying to unravel the web of global conspiracies.
On the subject: Consequences of coronavirus: what we will no longer see on grocery store shelves
If you read informed but scary forecasts of social trends, remember: they are just forecasts. They rely on the dynamics of our development, but cannot 100% predict what will happen. At a minimum, absolutely no one foresaw such an outcome of the outbreak of strange pneumonia in Wuhan. Forecasts can be taken into account, but not made absolute.
Fear 5. Planning your life and career
When stability was shaken, many became afraid to think about the future. Lack of confidence in the future prevents us from making plans. Many people have put aside thoughts of quitting their jobs and trying to find something they love. Now I would like to maintain at least some source of income. Others decided to delay having a child: how to become parents when every time you leave the house there is a risk of contracting an unknown virus? Even plans to go on vacation are accompanied by the fear of remaining in a foreign country without the opportunity to return home. Large expenses like buying an apartment or a car are also not easy to make - it’s scary to find yourself without savings or to take on a mortgage at such an unpredictable time.
How to cope
In order not to live one day at a time, you will have to learn flexibility: make plans, but not become discouraged when they fail. Try to find opportunities to provide option B if something goes wrong. And if you suffer a lot when things don’t go according to plan, it’s better to wait. For example, do not plan trips abroad six months in advance, but wait until full air service starts. For now, you can travel locally and discover places nearby.
If you need to make a truly important choice, remember that a pandemic or crisis is not the end of the world. There is no point in completely freezing your dreams and plans “until better times”. Life goes on and people adapt. For example, mortgage rates are at record lows this year. Anti-crisis measures are also appearing in other areas. And most importantly: there is no guarantee of absolute stability not only now, but never at all. Even the calmest and most contented times can be suddenly interrupted. Therefore, sensibly assess the risks and opportunities, and do not let this period drive you into a stupor.
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2020 bookmarks
Fear and anxiety. How to get rid of them
Too often we worry out of nowhere, holding back and playing it safe so as not to feel awkward, look stupid, suffer, or face rejection or possible failure.
We also cling to childhood fears, some moral worries and negative news on TV. As a result, the lives of many people are constant stress and anxiety. And when a person is tense, afraid and anxious, he narrows down and simply does not allow the world to give him many different options and opportunities. There is simply nowhere to squeeze them in... And the entire focus of attention is directed towards these fears and anxieties, so there is simply no strength and energy left for anything else.
And when we relax, we expand and begin to see all these many possibilities and options. And the world begins to give us them in large quantities! Therefore, we must learn to recognize, meet and dissolve our fear. And replace it with love...
This is interesting: How we create our reality
How to overcome fear
I bring to your attention tips that will allow you to look fear in the face and put it in its place. Because the masters of your life are you, not Fear!
1. Get comfortable with fear.
Invite fear into your life. When you are afraid of something, move towards it. Feel your fear, breathe through it and move forward. In short, do what scares you. Just overcome fear with action! Tell yourself: “This fear will pass, because I no longer need it!”
2. Make your dominant thoughts positive.
Scary thoughts attract more fear. Positive thoughts attract more love. Instead of expecting the worst, train your mind to expect the best. Make only positive assumptions about your future. I have already written about the importance of focus of attention many times ( How to make yourself lucky in everything and always , How to attract luck into your life ).
3. Don't give time, attention or energy to fear.
Be aware. Control your thoughts and where and what you direct your energy to. Because this is what you cultivate, increase.
Move forward without paying attention to fear. If you don't take action while constantly worrying, fearing, and fearing, many opportunities will simply pass you by.
4. Never focus on scarcity and need.
Learn to think, talk and live like a thriving, happy person. Turn off the TV, do not plunge into the abyss of fear and bad news. Don't complain, considering yourself deprived and unhappy. Be grateful for what you have! Be generous with gratitude and positive emotions.
Focus your attention on being prepared for miracles, luck and favorable circumstances.
5. Revisit your victories
Strengthen your self-confidence by reflecting on the last ten years of your life and every success you have experienced. Agree, you have something to be proud of, something to praise yourself for and something to celebrate!
Close your eyes and remember the positive emotions you felt when you received or achieved something. Bring that same drive, persistence and talent to the present time and let it inspire and motivate you.
6. Live vicariously through the victories of others.
Use others' success stories. Study the success of Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, Steven Spielberg, Tony Robbins, and so on. Or if you want to be happy in a relationship, do not listen to or discuss other people's family scandals and discord. Look at those couples who, in your opinion, are happy together. Notice the qualities they have developed and find those qualities in yourself. Because you have them too! Remember your friends or acquaintances who have achieved success in life in the areas you need and take something useful for yourself from their stories.
7. Always replace Fear with Love
There are only two fundamental, most important emotions - Fear and Love. Everything else is derived from them. In every moment where you experience fear, immediately “turn around” into Love. Because fear is just an illusion, it is a call to love! This is a contrast with which you can choose “What do I want to think, sense, feel Instead of...?” About contrast and reversal of the focus of attention, read the article The Power of Focus .
