What is psychological violence?
Emotional abuse
from tyrant husbands is discussed quite often. When tyranny manifests itself in the form of physical violence, it is immediately clear that one must run away from such a man. Every woman hears exactly this advice if her husband beats her. But there is another type of violence, not so obvious - psychological. It is discussed extremely rarely and is even more dangerous than beatings. If in the latter case only the body is mutilated, then in the former the personality is destroyed.
First of all, we should understand what psychological violence is. In essence, this is a method of non-physical influence on the psyche. As a rule, it comes in several types:
- Behavior control . The tyrant actively controls who the victim communicates with, what he does, and also forces him to talk about every step. If you are even 5 minutes late from work, you can prepare for a big scandal.
- Thought control . In this case, the tyrant imposes his attitudes. That is, the victim begins to think the way the tyrant needs. Her own opinion is suppressed and no one cares.
- Control of emotions . A man manipulates a woman and provokes certain emotions in her. They can fluctuate from too joyful to the most negative.
- Information control . The tyrant actively checks what the victim is interested in, what she watches, reads, and so on.
Above parents
Psychological violence in the family can also come from children.
Any child is good at manipulation. Some parents can recognize them, others cannot. If the child is late and very desirable, the mother may dote on him and fulfill his every demand. And sometimes the situation reaches the point of absurdity. Parents have to spend their last money on buying an expensive toy, otherwise the child will throw a scandal, refuse to eat, or deliberately give bad marks. Teenagers often manipulate their parents by telling them that if their wishes are not met, they may commit suicide or leave home. Psychological violence against children can sometimes be very severe. If a child is spoiled, then he will grow up to be an egoist who will not, in general, take into account his parents. For example, he will take a pension from his elderly parents and spend it on entertainment, going to a club, and even on drugs.
How emotional abuse manifests itself: features
Signs of emotional abuse
The difficulty is that you will never recognize a psychological tyrant at first glance. It’s worth thinking about when your partner behaves overly emotionally at the very beginning of the relationship. In addition, your relationship is developing rapidly and turns into serious unexpectedly. The man talks about how madly he loves you, wants children, a family, and so on. Many women believe in this and have no idea what can await them in the end.
Undoubtedly, at first there will be no problems. They will begin later, when the partner begins to criticize literally for any reason. Often such men simply insist that their wife quit her job, citing the fact that they themselves can provide for the family, and in general, they are jealous. But don't fall for it because you will have to depend on it.
In reality, such care is nothing more than a manifestation of total control. Your husband wants to know everything and even what you are thinking or might think. How exactly he will achieve his goal is not very important. This can be poisonous ridicule, a demonstration of such grief that you yourself feel guilty.
When such pressure is constant, you will not even notice how you will abandon your own attitudes and accept those of others. This is the meaning of emotional violence - lowering a person’s self-esteem, destroying his personality. The victim always considers himself stupid, incapable of anything, selfish, and so on. The further such a relationship develops, the more the victim depends on his partner. In addition, he tirelessly repeats to her that no one needs her at all with her appearance, skills, and so on, and he, such a noble knight, is the only one who loves her and will never leave her.
A tyrant can also pretend to be a victim. This position has nothing to do with acceptance and sacrifice. This is a move when he seems ready to sacrifice principles and give anything, but you will always owe him something.
It is almost impossible to distinguish between such tyranny and care. All that remains is to rely on your feelings. If you always feel guilty but you don't even understand why, then this is a clear sign that you are being abused.
Above my wife
Most often, men play the role of tyrants.
They commit psychological violence against children and wives. How does this manifest itself? The man controls the family. Neither a child nor a woman can leave the house without permission. If a wife can go somewhere, she can only go with her man. The victim has no personal property at all. The couple has common accounts on social networks; the phone cannot be blocked. In such a situation it is difficult to remain yourself, and the tyrant takes advantage of this. He inspires the victim with the idea that home is good and safe, and this is where he needs to stay. In this way, any opinions can be instilled, and the victim will consider them his own. A man can humiliate a woman, tell her that she is scary, stupid, and has no talents. In this way, the tyrant rises in his own eyes, because his victim considers him smart and handsome.
What are the dangers of emotional abuse?
The danger of emotional abuse
One of the main dangers can be considered the fact that for others it is as if nothing is happening. Doesn't this couple quarrel? Yes, they quarrel like everyone else. But all attempts to complain are met with misunderstanding. The husband looks to everyone like an exemplary family man, what else can you look for, and the wife seems like an ungrateful woman who does not understand what happiness she has received.
And besides, when the victim falls to the tyrant, he actively puts pressure on the fact that their relationship is ideal and she invents problems for herself. After all, she is selfish and does not know how to live happily, and he, so poor, loves her and suffers.
Of course, when you hear this all the time, it begins to seem that something has gone wrong somewhere. Everyone claims that a man is ideal, but internally a woman resists. As a result, the victim simply stops trusting himself and becomes completely dependent on the tyrant. And that’s all he needs - he actively suppresses her even more so that she definitely doesn’t escape from his tenacious hands.
What to do if your husband turns out to be a psychological tyrant?
How to fight tyranny?
First of all, you shouldn’t try to make yourself feel guilty. You are not to blame for anything, and it doesn’t even matter what others say. As soon as you realize that you are living with a tyrant, you need to leave. Nothing good will come of this, and the situation cannot be corrected. The longer your relationship lasts, the more damage your psyche will suffer.
Most often, awareness of the situation comes very late. The victim's personality boundaries are greatly blurred and she is not even able to resist. Self-confidence disappears and she begins to feel that she really doesn’t deserve better. Therefore, it is important to realize that the problem lies precisely in the husband, and not within herself.
When you understand the situation you find yourself in, find support. Someone should definitely support your decision to leave, so that in case of doubt, they will remind you again why you made such a decision. Otherwise, you will not be able to fight the pressure from your environment, and especially from your husband.
Finally, remember what your life was like before. Remember your friends, hobbies, favorite activities. Did you like it all? So why not go back?
For the first time after separation, limit communication with your ex-husband to a minimum. Gain strength and remember who you really are, without your tyrant. This is necessary in order not to succumb to attempts to return you, and they will be - no doubt about it.
When you regain your own personality, you will be able to assess the situation normally and adequately and separate your feelings from those imposed.
By the way, it is believed that the best way to survive the consequences is a new romance with an adequate person. Communication with a good psychologist also works well.
Do not forget, in order to understand the correctness of what is happening, you need to decide on your feelings. If you are happy, then everything is fine. Trust your feelings, value yourself, because you also deserve happiness just like any other person.
Consequences
The consequences of violence are immediate and long-term. Immediate consequences include:
- injuries;
- concussion;
- loss of consciousness;
- nausea and other deterioration of health;
- mental disorders that force, in response to aggression, to run, hide, freeze, “turn off” emotions, or respond with aggression.
Feelings of anxiety, fear, and anger gradually increase. Often the victim develops depressive tendencies and a feeling of inferiority. Long-term consequences also include somatic illnesses, personality disorders, developmental delays, social difficulties (for example, inability to build long-term relationships).
How emotional abuse manifests itself: signs
Signs of emotional abuse
Abuse is not always overt. That is, a man may not raise his hand to a woman, but at the same time he constantly humiliates her, intimidates her, insults her, lies, and so on. This is very unpleasant, and ultimately leads to terrible consequences for the emotional state. We decided to figure out exactly how emotional abuse manifests itself and offer to familiarize yourself with its signs.
- You are too attentive to his needs and forget about yours.
You walk on tiptoe in front of him in every sense, the main thing is that he feels good. Perhaps you had to behave this way with your parents and now it is reflected in your adult life. You try to remain silent and not express your thoughts. At the same time, a bad attitude has an excuse - it is your own fault that you react so sharply to everything. There's really no need to worry. Just understand that you definitely have nothing to do with this, the man just needs you to feel guilty and do everything as he needs.
- You don't communicate with friends
If you don’t communicate with your girlfriends, don’t go to meetings, and just sit at home because he won’t let you in and will swear, then this is very bad. That is, it seems to you that you are cut off from the outside world, because your husband needs a lot of attention. Perhaps you even justify him for behaving this way. Gradually, this leads to the fact that the victims really begin to blame themselves for all the problems.
- You are trying to avoid a scandal
Avoid Scandal
Instead of speaking about your thoughts and feelings, you simply remain silent and keep everything inside. At the same time, you try not to conflict anywhere, even at work. Most likely, you are just tired and you have no desire to express your opinion so that you don’t have to prove something later. Now you cannot defend your own interests and it is easier for you to adapt to this than to worry that disobedience will lead to another scandal.
- You don't know what you want
When children have to live with unbalanced, hot-tempered parents, they learn to put them first and always take care of them. Ultimately, after growing up, a person becomes a parent to his own parents, and then to his loved one. He always justifies them and blames himself for all the failures, but he doesn’t even think about his own needs so that it would be good for others.
- You put yourself in danger for the sake of your loved one
For example, this could be his way of driving aggressively and quickly. You seem to be afraid and angry with him, but still remain silent so as not to provoke a scandal.
- You constantly feel tired
You constantly feel terribly tired. It is becoming more and more difficult for you to do the usual things related to the needs of life. Your head is foggy and you're not even sure what to think about yourself. You no longer consider yourself a competent person. Even knowledge and experience are questionable.
- You are having sex against your will
Psychological violence
You don’t want to, but you allow intimacy just to avoid swearing again. Is this happening more and more often? Or maybe it has already become the norm and you have even forgotten the last time you felt good? You should not betray yourself, because in this way you give away your strength and betray yourself. This makes it even worse.
- You're constantly saying goodbye
Recently, you have separated several times and ended up together again only to forgive and promise each other love until the end of your days. You turn a blind eye to rudeness, constantly give another chance and believe in empty promises that will never be fulfilled.
In true love, both partners are equal and they give and take in the relationship. Of course, sometimes you have to sacrifice principles for the sake of your loved one, but this does not become a habit, rather a one-time incident. If two people love each other, then they respect everyone, share guilt and everyday life, and if everything is bad, then they try to look for a way out. But there are no insults or rage.
