There is a completely incorrect opinion that the breakdown of marital relations affects only women and has virtually no effect on men. However, this is an absolutely wrong judgment, which is why the question is quite logical: “How to survive a divorce from your wife?” Interesting and indicative statistics regarding the initiator of divorce are women in 71% of cases. Therefore, it is not surprising that men, despite the outward lack of emotion, are actually very upset about the breakup.
Every year, some newly formed and seemingly established families break up. The reasons can be considered numerous infidelities, inconsistency of the chosen one/chosen one with the established ideal, problems of the material plane. To a large extent, the breakdown of a family is influenced by the level of education of the spouses, their level of self-sufficiency, personal character traits, and other factors.
How to survive a divorce from your husband?
The divorce process is often complicated by the need to resolve additional issues: who will the children stay with, how to divide joint property, where to move to live if the woman lived in her husband’s house, etc.? Everything makes the experience more acute, since the woman inevitably returns her thoughts to bad events. Here psychologists give the only advice - to be patient. It will be painful and unpleasant. However, the faster you resolve all the issues with your ex-husband, the faster you can stop contacting him and tormenting your heart.
The first days after a breakup are the most difficult period for any person. If the relationship was desirable and full of love, then this adds even more grief. The worst thing is that people don’t always know what to do on these very days. After all, the relationship no longer exists, although it can still be returned. It is common for a person to succumb more to doubt about his actions, because of which the relationship broke up, or to indulge in despair, which occurred due to a quarrel before parting.
How to survive and what to do in the first days after a breakup? You need to allow yourself to experience all the emotions that overwhelm you. This does not mean that you have to demonstrate to the whole world everything that is boiling inside you. Try to be alone so that you can fully experience all the feelings that overwhelm you.
At the same time, start thinking not about what happened, who is to blame, what you did wrong, but about how you will live further. After all, you still have your life, yourself and those matters that were not related to the relationship. Think again about what you wanted to achieve but have not achieved yet. Start focusing your thoughts on a future that includes only you and not your ex-partner. There is no need to mark time, remembering what happened. It's already happened, you can't change anything. However, you have present and future tenses. Better think of it in terms of “You can achieve your own happiness.”
Try to enjoy your freedom. Smile at the fact that you no longer have a loved one. There is nothing wrong. Your relationship didn't work out, so don't be upset about it. You will still have a wonderful relationship if you love the loneliness in which you now find yourself. Try to slowly find the advantages of being free. Because now you can do whatever you want! What's wrong with that?
Don't make one mistake - don't try to forget the past. Trying to erase from your memory what you had before the breakup, you only continue to suffer because of what happened. What you are trying to escape from will haunt you. But you don’t need to run from anyone or anything; allow yourself to think about the past easily and freely. Let everything you remember be perceived by you as facts, events, and not a personal tragedy. “Yes, it happened. It was unpleasant because I wanted something else. But that's life. Not everyone is able to build relationships, find a common language...”
Start not running away from memories, but, on the contrary, remembering them from the perspective of “it was so.” Think of it as a normal occurrence in life, not something big. Parting is a fact and nothing more. Don't be afraid to remember this. Moreover, remember this calmly and indifferently.
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What to do if you have common children
Children usually have a hard time dealing with their parents' divorce. For their part, they can also delay the divorce, believing that in an incomplete family the child will grow up defective.
Of course, the best thing for a son or daughter would be to grow up in a loving family environment, when father and mother treat each other with respect and warmth. If a child witnesses constant quarrels, this will not do him any good.
What to do:
- The best option is when the parents manage to separate peacefully. The children continue to maintain a good relationship with their father, although they see him less often than before.
- If the child can already understand the situation, you need to talk to him. Explain that dad continues to love him and will take care of him, but they will live separately.
- If the ex-husband leaves for another woman, the child often begins to perceive him as a traitor. If possible, efforts should be made to normalize relations. Remember the movie "Stepmom". The woman did her best to incite the children against their father’s new passion. And then it turned out that the mother was terminally ill, and the stepmother had to raise the children and take care of them.
- In exceptional cases, when communication with the father can harm the child, it is worth breaking off all ties. Then the best solution would be to move.
And remember that the divorce of spouses is by no means the end, but only a certain stage of life, a segment that must be passed through with dignity.
How to survive a divorce from your husband if you still love?
The trend towards marriage breakdown is increasing. Today's spouses no longer adhere to traditions, their institution of marriage has already been destroyed, their thinking and attitude towards the family is completely different. Young people no longer strive for creation, preservation and development, but are increasingly thinking about their own desires and needs, which should be satisfied in marriage. This leads to an increase in the number of divorces.
The female half of humanity suffers more when a divorce occurs. Men also suffer, but from childhood they are trained to have other values. For a woman, marriage is almost the main component of life. And the destruction of a family is sometimes akin to the amputation of a body part.
A woman experiences a divorce much harder if she still has feelings for her ex-husband. Here you really cannot avoid suffering, tears into your pillow and torment. It becomes even more difficult if the husband leaves his wife for a reason, but for another woman. This greatly affects women's self-esteem.
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How to get rid of stress?
Not every person can survive such a difficult experience as divorce. The current situation seems hopeless. It’s hard to imagine, but you have to reassemble the broken pieces and try to start all over again. What to do in such a situation? How to rid yourself of constant worries and protect yourself from stress?
First of all, it’s worth remembering that parting with your significant other freed you from negative emotions. This part of your life is over. Losing a loved one always leads to inevitable stressful experiences. But try to think, were you really that happy?
Perhaps divorce is your only chance to find long-awaited happiness. There may be different reasons for a breakup, but they all inevitably lead to stress. It is important to remember that you will not be able to turn back time. Try to let go of the past, you will feel long-awaited relief. But don’t think that your experiences will end there.
Tears, hysterics and depression are the eternal companions of partings. Just think, you have parted with a very important and significant part of your life. It's not easy to go through this. Don't keep everything to yourself. Give free rein to your emotions and allow yourself to “suffer” for a few days.
It is almost impossible to get rid of worries. You will be immersed in painful memories, remember happy moments, perhaps every thing reminds you of your failed soulmate. Resentment and feelings of worthlessness will cause you great pain.
Unfortunately, it is impossible to get rid of this. You can start all over again, change your hairstyle, change your place of residence, but your psychological state will remain very precarious for a long time. You won't be able to go to sleep with pain and wake up the next morning as a completely different person. The pain will go away gradually. Remember, the time will come when you will forget about your pain. You will feel better. The main thing is not to drown in your grief, but to find ways to deal with it.
How to survive a divorce if you still have love for your husband?
- Remove everything that reminds you of him from your eyes. It is better to throw away photographs, videos, personal items, gifts and other things that remind you of your ex-husband or put them away until feelings have completely cooled down.
- Accept the fact of divorce. No matter how painful it may be, you have to accept that your husband is gone and life goes on without him. It should be recognized that the marriage is destroyed, and then you need to plan your life so that your ex-husband is not in it. One should not hope for his return, since this will only slow down the process of forgetting about him. It is better to start dreaming of a life where he will not be, and believe that you will definitely be happy.
- Take a break. Women are often advised to change their image and put their appearance in order. If you see yourself beautiful in the mirror, it will significantly improve your mood and self-esteem. You can also distract yourself by immersing yourself in work - start climbing the career ladder. You can go in for sports - this way you will get in shape and gain new impressions. You can pay attention to your hobbies, new interests and even travel. Load your brain with new impressions, knowledge, emotions, memories, which will crowd out thoughts about the past.
- Hang out with nice people. These could be relatives, friends, girlfriends or new acquaintances. Don't move away from people.
A person should have as much time as he needs. Healing proceeds according to its own plan.
How to survive a breakup with the man you love? It happens that after experiencing trauma, fear settles deep inside, which the woman does not notice. You need to take a step back and remember who you used to be. Who were you before the loss, departure or betrayal of a loved one?
You should realize the idea that your life was and remains independent before the appearance and after the departure of your beloved man. Just as you lived independently and happily before “him,” so you can live independently and happily after “his” departure. Almost nothing has changed: just as you were lonely before the relationship began, you remained lonely after it ended. Don't let another person become an indicator of your happiness. Be happy and loved both with and without your loved one.
As soon as you accept this philosophy, your soul will immediately feel lighter. This is not suggesting that you should not pursue new love relationships with members of the opposite sex. This article is aimed only at helping you safely survive a breakup with a loved one who, for some reason, can no longer be around.
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Stages of going through divorce
Divorce is essentially the death of a relationship. To stop experiencing suffering, you need to fully “live” the situation. In this case, you will have to go through certain stages. This will make it easier to get through a divorce from your husband.
Negation
At this stage, you may not believe that your other half is serious about divorce. But time is not in your favor. Every day you become more and more convinced that it will not be possible to reconcile. You will have to admit that you won’t be able to keep the person, and he has the right to such a choice.
Anger and resentment
These are natural feelings in this situation. But it's better to feel angry. Perhaps, being alone, you will even let it splash out. And broken dishes are far from the worst option. Resentment is much harder to bear. You can experience it all your life, which means you will never completely “let go” of your ex-spouse.
Negotiation stage
In rare cases, it is possible to end a relationship instantly. Typically, when preparing for a divorce, spouses negotiate. And the interested party in this case can start blackmailing. The following phrases are used: “I will seize all the property”, “I will not allow you to see the children”, “I am pregnant”, “I will be lost without you”. All this means that in your heart you cannot come to terms with divorce and want to avoid it.
Another option is that in this situation, spouses can resort to love spells or turn to clairvoyants. More often women do this. Usually such actions do not produce results; you can only undermine your psyche, but you cannot avoid divorce.
Stage of depression
Divorce at this stage is perceived as a fait accompli. At the same time, a woman’s self-esteem drops. In her heart, she believes that no one will need her anymore, and nothing good is expected in life. But in fact, this is a very productive stage. Right now the pain is starting to slowly subside. Getting out of depression after a divorce means taking the first step towards recovery.
Adaptation stage
It occurs in approximately 8-12 months. Interest in life reappears, a craving for people of the opposite sex arises. A woman can be considered “recovered” when, remembering her ex-husband, she does not feel the desire to return him and does not suffer from resentment. On the contrary, she is calm in her soul.
How to survive a divorce from your husband if you have a child?
A family is created for the purpose of having children in it. How to behave if a divorce occurs and now you need to decide how to tell your children about it? Here psychologists advise not to communicate with kids as if they were stupid idiots. It is better to tell them all the circumstances of the case as they are. Communicate with your child as an equal, as if he were an understanding adult. Speak calmly, making it clear that the divorce does not deprive him of communication with mom and dad.
Since most often children stay with their mother, a woman should not forbid children to communicate with their father. The man divorced the woman, but this did not stop him from being a father. A man continues to be responsible for the physical, mental and moral upbringing of children, even if he leaves for another family. Here, a woman should not protect the baby from the father for the benefit of the child himself.
Also, the woman herself should set a boundary in her relationship with her ex-husband. Since she will have to see him periodically and communicate about the child, she needs to keep in mind the idea that she is communicating with her “ex.” She shouldn't be interested in his personal life. There should be no talk about past relationships that have already been destroyed. Communication is only about the child and his problems and nothing more.
Psychologists are warning women about the dangers of telling their children bad things about their father. Nothing will happen to the woman. But a child can develop severe psychological trauma, because he loves mom and dad equally and cannot understand why he should stop loving someone. If a woman incites a child against the father, this can result in mental trauma, which can only be eliminated with the help of a psychologist.
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How to alleviate a child's condition
It was mentioned earlier that a child makes the task much more difficult. Of course, not in a bad way. The mother wants the best for her child, so she tries in every possible way to ensure that the divorce minimally affects the baby or does not affect him at all. If you ended your relationship with your ex-spouse with a scandal, you need to smooth out the pressure on the child’s psyche.
To do this, talk to your child and try to clearly explain to him that mom and dad have separated. Explain the true reasons for the gap in a language that the child can understand. There is no need to present the father of the family in black, so as not to turn the child against him. Let your child know that, even living at a distance, his father will visit and love him.
The next thing to do is talk to your ex-husband. Dot all the i’s and don’t forbid dad to see the baby. It is important to understand that, despite all the disagreements between adults, children are not to blame. If it makes it easier for you, write a schedule on which day the father can take the child for walks or see each other under your supervision. Children will not feel guilty if their parents agree to an arbitrary peace for their sake.
Never manipulate children in order to save the marriage. Not a single man has ever been able to keep a child for a long time. Sooner or later, your partner will wither away with you due to lack of love, spark or other aspects. If you manipulate a child, in the end, this will lead to constant quarrels in front of the child. Do you need it?
Find the strength to forgive your ex-husband for any “sins” he has committed. Some women have a resentment that does not dissolve even over time (3,5,10 years). You shouldn’t look up to them, learn to let go of the past, only then will a happy present and future await you.
how to improve family relationships with your husband
How to survive a divorce from your husband - advice from a psychologist
If a woman cannot cope with a divorce from her husband on her own, you can seek help from a psychologist. He will give advice and recommendations after listening to the woman's story. And these recommendations take into account the individual circumstances of the current situation.
Here we will also give some tips on how to get through negative experiences after a divorce from your husband:
- Get ready for a happy future. You must promise yourself that you will do everything to live happily. And you will do this not for the sake of taking revenge on someone, but for your own sake.
- Don't take revenge on anyone. It's better to discard these ideas. While you are taking revenge, you are forced to constantly think about your ex-husband. These thoughts are exclusively negative. While your ex is enjoying life, you are immersed in bad memories of the past, because this is the only way you have the desire to take revenge. Do you need to spend your time on this?
Time is what will help in getting rid of feelings for your ex-husband. You will have to suffer and shed tears at first. However, this will soon pass, and after years you will be able to remember the past as something ordinary.
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How to survive your husband's betrayal and the inevitable divorce on his initiative
Doctor Time usually treats. The most qualified doctor. And also close people, “wedge-wedge”, and full-time employment. To begin with, I would like to tell you a story from my life. This story is out of the ordinary, but even in this case, its heroine, Elena, managed to control herself within 3-4 months.
There lived a wonderful family - he, she and their six-year-old son. Elena is a loving wife, a wonderful housewife, and also the owner of a golden character. My husband was all about business, he stayed at work for a long time, but he brought all the finances into the house. In general, an ordinary exemplary family, and it seemed that no trouble was foreseen in this “nest”. Although my husband began to disappear more and more often on business trips, this is a frequent occurrence for him.
The New Year was approaching, December 31st arrived. Elena set the table under the Christmas tree, dressed herself up, dressed her son in a New Year's suit, and as agreed - by 9 pm, she was waiting for her husband. Husband came. Even an hour earlier. But not alone, but with some lady. He began to pack his suitcase in a hurry and “gave” his wife the news that he loved this lady who came with him, was divorcing Elena, and was going to live with his mistress, with the intention of marrying her.
It was even scary to listen to how Elena experienced this New Year's Eve after the door slammed behind her husband - she rolled on the floor sobbing, not even paying attention to the fact that her frightened son was whimpering next to her. There are fireworks outside the window and shouts of “Hurray!”, but she doesn’t want to live.
Then everything was banal - depression, calls, belittling, requests not to leave them with their son. But it was all to no avail; his application to the court had already been filed, as it turned out, in advance. Elena thought that she would not survive her husband’s betrayal and the subsequent divorce - everything was too sudden and very painful. But they were divorced quickly - literally in January, and the abandoned wife did not object; anyway, the husband became like a zombie - indifferent and unapproachable.
After depression and the support of relatives and friends, she slowly came to her senses. Her best friend dragged her to courses to completely fill Elena’s time. And in March, a funny incident happened: Elena was walking down the street, and suddenly she saw a homewrecker walking ahead of her, all like: fi-fi. In a white fur coat, and there is slush around. Lena couldn’t think of anything else to do but run up and give her a heavy kick under her skinny ass. The lady fell with her fur coat into a dirty snowdrift.
It seems like nothing special happened, but for Elena this incident was like a saving pill. Laughter therapy and revenge. And in the same month, another pleasant event happened - she met a new love and soon married him. And the ex later tried to bring Elena back, but it was too late. Therefore, there is only one piece of advice from her: “To survive a divorce from your husband, you need to go through all the stages in doses: a little tears and depression (you can’t do without this), help from caring loved ones, full-time employment, easy revenge and new love.” This is the recipe for future happiness.
