How to get out of depression after your husband’s betrayal: Advice from a psychologist for your wife

There are many jokes about betrayal, but as soon as it looks into your home, there is no trace of irony left: only a very strong person can cope with it. It is especially difficult for women to endure betrayal, who, as a rule, are much more sensitive than men. Their emotional portrait does not allow them to easily forget about the offense and continue to live. As a result, deceived wives plunge into a protracted depressed state, and the longer they stay in it, the less chance they have to get out of this emotional quagmire. What to do? Give up on your life? But our parents did not give it to us so that we would personally reject it. We offer 6 effective ways to help women get out of depression after their husband’s betrayal and start a new life.

How to calm down after your husband cheats? Shopping!

Since you can calm down after your husband’s betrayal in the shortest possible time through a shopping procedure, we’ll tell you how it works.

Getting pleasure from purchased goods due to the release of the hormones serotonin and endorphins into the blood (the same thing occurs when meeting a partner).
Communication with sellers will create a good mood, in addition, you can count on their solidarity if you open up a little, they are not interested parties, so they are unlikely to cause psychological discomfort.
The presence of friends does not guarantee a 100% effect and will not help cope with the illness, since the conversation in the dialogue may turn to your spouse, but you can take a friend you don’t know well with you.

With the help of this psychological method, you will not notice how your behavior will become more good-natured, more good-natured and more pleasant to be perceived by others, which is more pleasant; depression after your husband’s betrayal will begin to disappear. In addition, we know many situations in which the main acquaintance took place precisely in shopping centers, where a man, under the pretext of helping to carry packages, offered to take the woman home with all the original...

As for brain work during the period of exercise by department, at this time the brain is engaged in “scanning” the contents on the counters and evaluating it. The memory zone works: mentally note the goods for which there is not enough money today, but there is a willingness to buy them. Due to it, there is an incentive to work extra for the sake of bonuses, as a result, images of male misconduct disappear from consciousness, therefore, they put less pressure on the psyche - it was possible to cope with depression.

What should you avoid if you find out about cheating?

The psychologist's advice indicates a list of actions that should be avoided in order not to complicate your life after your wife cheats. These are erroneous, stereotypical actions that many men take when they find themselves in a similar situation. So, what not to do:

do not say the first words that come to mind. By insulting your spouse and making hasty decisions in heated feelings, you can destroy the family forever, and then there will no longer be a chance to return the relationship. First think about your feelings for your wife, otherwise later you may deeply regret what you did;
do not raise your hand to your spouse. A man in anger is capable of terrible things. By crippling your wife, you will not only fall in your own eyes, but also strengthen her desire to leave you forever;
don't ignore your wife. At first, all conversations should be postponed until you regain your composure. Having calmed down, be sure to listen to what your wife tells you. Perhaps she repents of her actions;
don't look for the guilty. First of all, don't blame yourself. Try to calmly reflect on exactly what actions you might have pushed your spouse to do. This knowledge will be important for reconciliation and maintaining relationships (if you decide to forgive). However, self-criticism and self-blame will bring more despair and sadness than good. Remember that cheating is a conscious choice and cheating is your spouse's choice, not yours;
do not tell anyone about what happened except the psychologist if you decide to contact him. Discussing with friends or parents will only lead you to false conclusions. Their opinion should not influence your decision because it is only your family. In addition, if you reunite with your wife, you will not want sidelong glances and gossip from the “initiates”;
do not persuade or ask your wife to return. It’s better to discuss your spouse’s motives and your prospects in the relationship. If you both want to return the marriage, then this can be done without humiliation on your part;
do not take revenge on your wife or her lover. Don't have an affair as revenge. Remember that your lover is a living person with her own feelings. In addition, your mutual betrayal will only confuse the current situation, completely complicating the reunion;
don't threaten. Firstly, threats to health and life are criminal offenses. Secondly, it will lower you even more in the eyes of your spouse and rival.

If you can control these urges, you are already doing a good job. This is a big job that requires tremendous endurance.

And everything was wonderful before she showed up

This is impossible to predict. This happens suddenly, unexpectedly, as if reminding us that happiness does not last forever. Or maybe it’s about the fact that life is changeable. Or maybe it’s about the fact that complete dissolution in a man, excessive attachment, clinging, possessiveness, fear of losing - have nothing to do with love. This is what I still had to understand.

She was as young as me, but she was different. More confident in herself, in her feminine beauty and strength. More relaxed, free, bold. On the dance floor, at corporate parties, I danced as an encore! Well, I have to admit, she was good!

Almost immediately I began to notice changes in our relationship with her appearance.

My man was also, far from a failure: bright, self-confident, a favorite of the female part of the team, and, perhaps, as brave and free as she. It would be strange if they did not have an insanely passionate romance. Which is exactly what happened.

I even had to make friends with her, in the hope that when she found out who this man was dating, she would stop, but, alas, her instincts were stronger.

And so, it happened. Identical gifts, business trips on weekends, text messages, phone conversations on the balcony, in the hallway. Somehow I finally got into his phone, and a chill went through my body, everything was obvious - they were having an affair.

For the first six months I was frankly hysterical. I was hurt and scared, I cried day and night. I abandoned myself. We didn't have any intimacy. My world, which consisted only of my man, collapsed overnight. With my behavior, I pushed him further and further away, and he moved away with pleasure.

I changed my mind a lot during this time, rethought and was ready to change, and first of all in myself. Treason is an opportunity to look at yourself from the outside and make adjustments.

When the crisis of relationships and my own sense of self reached the bottom, the report of the second half of the year began, which can be called -, or return to myself.

Later I realized that my main mistake was that I completely dissolved in my man. My interests, hobbies, plans ceased to exist as a category. I ceased to exist. Being together means merging by 50, or even 30%, leaving the remaining 50-70% for yourself, your interests and hobbies.

I started doing everything I once wanted: horse riding, chess, dancing - bachata, snowboarding, cross-country skiing, ice skating. I attended seminars on personal and spiritual growth, trainings, meditations, and all at once! I took Oksana Manoilo's course. God, these classes brought me so much pleasure! And in those rare hours and evenings when I was at home, I spent my leisure time with joy and pleasure, and always with music! I no longer thought about saving the relationship, I was taking care of myself.

The hysteria stopped. My beloved began to slowly look at me. And soon he returned completely in body and soul.

After this story, we were together for another 4 years. In the end, they broke up anyway. But the reason was not his betrayal, but something else - he could not stand my activity. He wanted to see and feel my dissolution in him, as before, and I was not going to return to the merger by more than 30%, and our relationship ended.

Cheating always makes its own adjustments to the relationship between spouses. If previously there was trust between the spouses, now it will be lost. If before a woman expected the best, now she will be disappointed. Often afterward, a woman experiences depression, which she now needs to cope with. This is the injustice: the husband cheated, and the wife is depressed.

And here we can consider the first problem because of which the reader of the site suffers - she herself chose suffering and depression instead of another reaction.

It is no one's fault that you feel bad, that you don't love someone, or that you have a negative attitude towards an enemy. No one is responsible for this except you. Why is that? After all, many people often blame others for the passing of their love, because they become uninteresting, feel bad because their children do not obey them, or experience aggression towards their interlocutors because they contradict their views. Each person attributes the reasons for the emergence of his negative feelings, emotions and sensations to the people around him who look at him differently, think about him and say unpleasant things. But in fact, everyone is to blame and responsible for how they feel.

Why do people attribute the causes of their emotions and feelings to the world around them? This is most likely a habit that a person develops over the course of his life. Look at little children: they are already happy that they live, that there is a whole unknown world around them. They do not wait for someone to amuse them or, on the contrary, to offend them. They are rejoicing right now. But inept parents very often instill in them the idea that only the surrounding material world and people can evoke some feelings in them. Yes, the environment can evoke certain sensations and emotions, but only the person himself is responsible for his reaction to them.

Your feelings, emotions and sensations are your reaction to what is happening. Different people react differently to the same phenomenon: a pessimist paints everything black, an optimist rejoices in grief, and a realist reacts negatively to bad events and positively to good ones. It turns out that you can choose exactly how to react to the same event. This means that a person is responsible for his own reaction.

Everyone is responsible for the fact that he felt ill due to criticism addressed to him. Everyone is responsible for the fact that he developed anger at someone who did not listen to him. Everyone himself is responsible for the fact that he stopped loving someone, because he himself did not want to become interesting to the other person. People expect a lot from others, and when they receive it, they attribute the fruits of their reactions to others. But only the person himself chooses how to react to an unpleasant event. After all, you can leave and not remember the bad things, or you can stay and cry. You can even smile at your enemy in response to his cry and no longer demand any good actions from him towards you. There are many reactions to the same event. And only the person himself is responsible for his reaction, which he decided to show in a given situation.

After the betrayal of a loved one, it is common to suffer, be offended, angry and experience other similar feelings. This has to do with the concept of “betrayal” and how one should react to it. In order not to fall into depression, you need to scroll through thoughts in your head that will help you survive what happened without harm to you.

How to live after your wife cheats?

In fact, life after a wife’s betrayal is possible; this is evidenced by the numerous restoration of marriages in our practice. Naturally, this action did not go unpunished; women had to endure a huge number of emotional outbursts, just like their husbands, including depression (see How to get out of depression after your wife cheats on you?). But, since not many, but only a few, can live after a wife’s betrayal, we will not shy away from just one variation of the subsequent development of events. They can vary greatly, but there are several main options:

The woman was forgiven, accompanied by strict control of her actions, the marriage was not destroyed;
Her crime is forgotten, but she secretly continues the “marriage crimes”, remaining in the family;
The wife returns (makes successful attempts to restore the marriage) through constant humiliation of her own person, begging, promising..., the marriage union is re-registered in the registry office;
The man leaves, completely ignoring the subsequent actions of the cheater in his direction;
Both diverge and no longer intersect;
If there are children, they get divorced, the man becomes the “Sunday Dad”;
Divorce leads to the establishment of a barrier between one of the parents and the children (the father (or mother) is not able to see his son/daughter).

All these points are real examples from life after a wife’s betrayal, if you don’t go into details. What your turn of events will be, you will determine for yourself. To make an informed decision, you will have to completely free your head from bad and good thoughts towards your spouse (in common parlance, take off your rose-colored glasses).

We identify support factors.

For a more global study of the problem, we recommend that you familiarize yourself with the materials presented below:

How to prove your wife's infidelity?
My wife cheated. What to do?
The wife cheated once, she will cheat again. Is it so?
A separate case: My wife cheated with her ex. What to do?
The wife admitted to cheating. What to do?

The following factors need to be identified:

Willingness to meet halfway and forgive;
The rate of her interaction with other men;
The percentage of remaining feelings for her, as well as her feelings for you and her lover;
Pros and cons of divorce.

How to overcome stress?

Depression is a dangerous condition that needs to be overcome as soon as possible. How to get out of depression after your husband cheats? Men suffer from betrayal no less than the opposite sex. Are they worried about how to get out of depression after their wife cheated? After the betrayal, nothing is interesting, the surroundings have acquired gray tones, but try to find your joy. The best distractions, according to psychologists, are:

Communication with relatives and friends. Speak out, ask your loved ones for advice. Loyal people will console you and help you find a way out. Everyone has a friend who will defuse the situation and cheer you up.
Contact a psychologist. The specialist will give precise recommendations suitable in a particular case.
A change of scenery. It's the right time to travel. New impressions and acquaintances are a good distraction. If there is no opportunity for travel, repairs, rearranging things, and general cleaning of the house will do.
Absorbed into work. Things will take up all your thoughts. There will be no time left for sadness. Don’t forget that business should bring pleasure, be a calling.
Change of image. New hairstyle, makeup, and clothing style will help you transform yourself externally and internally. In addition, the attention of the opposite sex is guaranteed. The traitor, seeing the prettier missus, will do everything for forgiveness.
Fresh air. Stay outside more. This will improve your sleep and well-being.
Sport is an excellent medicine. Physical activity and maintaining a healthy lifestyle heals not only the body, but also the soul. The most popular options are swimming, yoga, meditation, which relax and calm.
Music, singing, dancing will give positive emotions and help you recover. Choose funny songs and don't be sad.
Entertainment. Visiting cafes, clubs, theaters, concerts, bowling alleys and other events is a great idea.
Hobbies: cooking, books, handicrafts, foreign languages, photography.
Don't remember what you experienced. Get rid of things that resemble a bad marriage, avoid places that are associated with a traitor.

How long does it take for calm to come? There is no specific universal answer to the question. The recovery period is different for each person. In some situations, life returns to normal within a month. Others have been depressed for years. Make every effort to quickly forget the betrayal, use all available methods to get out of the situation, and soon get rid of melancholy.

Psychologist's advice

Psychologists advise coping with breakups in the following ways:

fill the void left by the person’s departure - throw yourself into work, start engaging in activities that are atypical for yourself, and more;
go on a trip even for a couple of days - even the simplest change of environment will have a beneficial effect;
communicate with people, even through force;
make a list of a person's shortcomings and merits, and then burn it;
throw away all unnecessary things that remind you of your ex-lover;
do not refuse to communicate with your “ex” - this will only increase the longing. It is best to look at it with a sober, objective eye;
do a crazy, brave thing to remember the beauty of this world;
Under no circumstances should you try to replace one person with another - this will only make the situation worse.

Psychologists also advise taking active steps, constantly doing something after a breakup, so that bad, unnecessary thoughts do not enter your head.

Parting with a loved one is a sad event, but life does not end there.

You need to remember your own worth and dignity and not force yourself to suffer for a person who no longer values it.

How to overcome depression after separation? Exit:

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What to do No need

Popular mistakes when overcoming depression:

Self-flagellation, fencing off from the outside world. Closedness will lead to concentration on the negative, inability to be distracted.
Excessive aggression towards the traitor. Such a reaction will alienate the person and make reconciliation impossible.
Casual sexual relationships. Depraved behavior will not be able to prove attractiveness and demand from the opposite sex. Rash actions will lead to the stigma of “an easily accessible young lady” and unpleasant rumors.
Sects. The actions of such organizations are not aimed at consoling a person, but at emptying a person’s wallet.
Alcohol. They say that alcohol helps you forget and relaxes you. Shutting down won't solve problems. Having sobered up, the person again remembers the trouble and plunges into sad thoughts. The headache will be a bonus.
Binge eating. It is impossible to eat away grief. You only risk getting extra pounds and health problems.
Financial waste. Shopping will not replace relationships and will not heal mental wounds.

Divorce

According to most opinions, relationships tainted by infidelity should be ended. A man who went “to the left” is a coward, a liar, a traitor and a hypocrite. These are the mildest expressions. Just think: he consciously took such a step, knowing that it would cause his loving wife unbearable pain, plunge her into despair and hopelessness, and destroy her world.

Such a man is not worthy of forgiveness. If the relationship between the spouses had long ago failed, then it was possible to resolve the situation humanly - with a long constructive dialogue, a civil dissolution of relations and a peaceful separation in different directions. But acting behind your back, looking for pleasure on the side, is despicable.

Many people think that deciding to divorce is difficult. Especially if the spouses have been married for a long time. But, as practice shows, this is not so. After betrayal, a person becomes like a stranger. Not to those with whom so many pleasant moments and warm memories were experienced. It will not be easy to maintain the appearance of a happy marriage, to lead a common life, to live in the same house.

There will be a spirit of betrayal in the atmosphere. Maybe over time the pain will dull, but the woman will always remember her husband’s terrible act when she looks at him. As a rule, this leads to deep, long-term depression.

Therefore, you should not be afraid to change something. You can always have time to start life from scratch. It will take less time and will not bring as much pain as a reminder of betrayal constantly looming before your eyes.

Gain Confidence

Any person in difficult life situations needs moral support. And even more so for a deceived woman. Some ladies, having learned that their husband has taken a mistress, go to their friends to complain. They consider themselves ugly and not interesting enough. And all because the husband took a mistress. With such thoughts, you can completely lose self-respect.

How to move on after your husband’s betrayal, learn to feel the beauty of a new day and continue to enjoy life? Use the following tips:

Your husband's infidelity is not a reason to stop paying attention to yourself. On the contrary, do everything to increase your self-esteem. You must look even better so that men will look at you and give compliments; write down what character traits you like in yourself. Read the entries every day and add new features to them; If you think there is life after your husband’s betrayal, then set an achievable goal. Be sure to keep your promises to yourself. This way you will sooner forget about unpleasant moments; Don’t look at other couples who supposedly live happier lives than you. We don't know what's really going on behind closed doors. Many people tend to show an ideal relationship in public, although in reality everything is not so rosy; try to get better every day

Start learning something new to you, no matter what field. The main thing is that worries about the betrayal of a loved one do not crowd out other thoughts; take good care of yourself, put on makeup every day, even if you are not going anywhere; Find an interesting activity for yourself that would occupy all your free time.

Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences for a woman. Try not to be alone. Look for support among your loved ones, they will not refuse. If you need to talk it out and get good advice, you should seek advice from a psychologist.

Fears and mistakes

Depression is accompanied by a fear of loneliness. Does the phobia arise after thinking about how to live further after betrayal? It seems to a woman that she will never get married and will be without a family. An empty apartment and a cold bed escalate the situation and aggravate the agony.

The wife is trying to overcome her phobia by making peace with her husband. She submits to requests and humiliation in order to get out of this situation. This decision is a mistake. If you cannot forgive or forget the act, but simply leave the traitor out of fear, you risk being unhappy all your life. Love is not built on the goal of “not being lonely”; it needs real feelings.

What's stopping you?

Since you can improve relationships after your husband’s betrayal by eliminating psycho-irritants, in this aspect we will analyze what they can be.

If a man repents of what he has done, admits his mistake and periodically reproaches himself, then this is influenced by external factors that remind him of the act. Examples could be the following:

Returning home, I passed the hotel where meetings with my mistress took place;
During lunch, I went to the supermarket where she works or used to work;
A poster advertising a movie they went to see together;
A gift given by her that has not yet been thrown away (mug, tie, pen, notepad, phone case, umbrella, etc.);
The park where the acquaintance with the homewrecker took place;
Asked questions from friends, colleagues and other people who know about her person;
The mistress is a work colleague...

These and many other examples have a destructive effect on the psyche of the traitor, so you need to find and get rid of the irritants. The fact is that the created conflict will allow the man to feel punished for what he has done, because it excites the consciousness and provokes negative signals in the brain, which, in turn, temporarily empty the consciousness, as a result of which the man forgets about the crime. Conclusion: a quarrel leads to calm.

If the paradox becomes an obstacle in the interaction between you and your lover, you need to provoke the release of a large volume of happiness hormones in order to fall into temporary euphoria (you felt it during the bouquet-candy period at the stage of falling in love), this phenomenon activates the brain to release negative information into the subconscious zones, then the spouse will cease to be a serious irritant. How to do it? Dating, romance, help with household chores, spending time together in places charged with positive energy (restaurants, clubs, theaters, parks...) You must honestly admit to your chosen one that he personally reminds you of acts of infidelity and ask him to devote more attention to you attention, avoiding negativity in interaction.

Otherwise read:

Do loving men cheat?
Should you forgive your husband's betrayal?
Is it worth returning a cheating husband?

Comorbidities and fear of loneliness

Traumatic experiences negatively affect the functioning of the immune system, so patients get sick easily. All existing chronic diseases are aggravated, and if you are prone to allergic reactions, attacks of skin and respiratory allergies are possible. If you are feeling unwell physically, you should definitely consult a specialized doctor for specific disorders.

Auto-aggression and self-harm can be expressed in the fact that the patient suffers pain and does not visit a medical facility on time

In addition, there is a high risk of harming yourself through negligence. In the first six months after infidelity, many patients note an increase in the number of bruises, burns, cuts, fractures, food poisoning and similar unintentional injuries

Professional help

Dealing with depression due to infidelity may require the prescription of medications to normalize sleep and well-being. If the patient remains able to work, you can try to do without medications. Consultations can be carried out individually, only for the patient, or together with the spouse if the couple decides to continue the marriage.

What are the goals of individual therapy?

restoring the patient’s sleep and appetite;
establishing a therapeutic alliance;
addressing traumatic experience and working through it taking into account current capabilities;
restoration of self-esteem;
improvement of emotional state, return of joyful and positive feelings;
strengthening social adaptation, support in conflict situations.

We invite you to familiarize yourself with 23 signs of a man when he does not want to show feelings

In families where infidelity occurs, there are often young children who are unwittingly drawn into the conflict between parents. Improving the mother's well-being has a beneficial effect on the children. Working with a psychologist will allow you to never again encounter events such as betrayal, either in this or in a new relationship.

Consequences of depression in women

If depression is not treated at the first sign, its consequences can be extremely severe. The destructive effect extends both to physical health and to personal and social life.

Depression is always accompanied by nervousness, poor sleep and appetite. These 3 aspects together lead to metabolic disorders, the functioning of the cardiovascular system and the development of diabetes mellitus.

A constantly bad mood leads to discord in the family, loss of contact with husband, children, and friends. A woman withdraws into herself, ceases to be interested in herself and family affairs, which most often leads to divorce. Similar problems haunt a woman at work, which can also be lost. The most advanced cases of the disease can result in suicide.

Symptoms of depression

To understand what enemy you need to fight, you first need to know the symptoms that can help you identify depression:

Your productivity drops sharply; it’s as if you can’t gather your thoughts and get ready for work.
Apathy arises, which becomes your constant companion.
Obsessive thoughts appear that are impossible to get rid of.
Chronic fatigue occurs, which does not go away even after you have rested and slept well.
Sleep problems arise when it becomes impossible to fall asleep in the evening and wake up in the morning. During the day you may feel drowsy.
Mood swings occur when you are either sad or happy, and often fall into despair for any reason.
Appetite disappears, it is impossible to eat well and get enough.
There is a reluctance to communicate with people. I want to be alone, and I start to distrust people in general.
Nightmares appear in which the husband cheats on his wife again and again.
Unreasonable fear and anxiety develops.

It is better to eliminate this complex of symptoms. You can contact a psychotherapist, he will prescribe medications that will help in recovery. You can contact a psychologist who will work through the woman’s problem and help get rid of depression.

What should I do?

How to get out of depression after cheating? The methods are different and there are quite a lot of them. The first thing to do is to advise the victim to pull himself together and try to cope with his own negative emotions. Under no circumstances should you feel sorry for yourself and perceive yourself as a victim. Such an attitude towards the current situation will only worsen the mental balance of the body. It is not advisable for the deceived half to throw tantrums, because they will not help restore trust, but can undermine their health.

It is not recommended to take various antidepressants, anti-anxiety medications and sleeping pills. After all, all the problems are in the head, and they need to be solved, and not stuff yourself with completely unnecessary drugs that can only worsen your well-being. Feelings of isolation and complete apathy should not be allowed.

It is best to gather all your strength and will into a fist and try to organize a quiet and peaceful conversation with your unfaithful half. During the conversation, find out all the points:

what is the reason for the betrayal;
what is the husband (boyfriend) going to do?
explain your feelings to him and just talk it out.

After this, it will be easier to collect your thoughts and make a truly correct decision. If it was decided to end the relationship on a note of divorce or separation, then the only right thought would be the desire to start everything from scratch. And the new life will definitely be better and brighter than the last.

Children should not keep a woman in the family. Nothing good will come of this anyway. It will definitely not be possible to get rid of depression in a tense environment, and the children will only suffer. After all, to normalize relations, you must certainly forgive the offender. If this does not happen, you should leave while remaining in a normal relationship.

Letting go of the offense and admitting that nothing bad happened is very difficult, but necessary. You can take a sheet of paper and write on it the advantages that you have received from the current situation. They will, and there is no need to be afraid to admit it.

Should I forgive the traitor or not?

The main task in such a situation is to decide how to live after the betrayal. Think, can you continue to live in love and understanding? Forgive your spouse? It takes time to recover, move away from the blow and make a fair choice. It is recommended to weigh everything well and take the arguments into account. The future depends on the decision.

If you forgive an unfaithful person, let go of the grievances and try to quickly forget what happened. Can you trust your spouse? The absence of this feeling will make it impossible to restore the marriage. Find the strength to forgive, listen to the motives of the action, forget about pride. If it was done by mistake, frivolously, or has no basis in feelings, the man deserves a second chance. There are couples who note that their relationship after the test moved to a new level and became stronger.

If you feel that resentment is forever stuck in your soul, that love is gone, then the only way out is divorce. The following situations will help push you to a solution:

Husband's feelings for the homewrecker. It is impossible to love two. Having let someone else into your heart, there is no longer room for a spouse.
Lack of remorse, accusations towards the offended party. This behavior indicates a lack of awareness of the offense and the possibility of repetition of the offense. The lover will regret what he did. Lack of repentance is a sign that there are no true feelings.
The husband himself wants to leave. You won't be nice by force. The lady can only let go of the unfaithful man.
The wife's unwillingness to forgive and understand the behavior of her husband. It is impossible to live with constant reproaches and reminders. Darling will not stand constant quarrels and will soon leave. It is better not to delay separation, because making a decision later will cause more suffering.

Depression after husband's betrayal

The depression that women experience after their husband's infidelity is sometimes called "reactive depression" or "dysthymic depression." This is not an ordinary deep, protracted depression, but a condition that appeared as a reaction to betrayal. In other words, it is directly related to recent events. And as soon as the crisis is resolved, it will go away by itself.

Symptoms of depression after cheating

During this period, a woman experiences a deep sense of loss, loneliness, emptiness, helplessness and grief. All these feelings can be expressed in different ways: tears, loss of appetite or, conversely, overeating, unhealthy thoughts, thoughts of suicide, sleep disturbances or insomnia. A woman may withdraw into herself, have difficulty thinking and concentrating, and may suffer from feelings of worthlessness and guilt. These are all symptoms of depression. They do not have to be all at the same time; you may only experience some of them.

How to live further?

This is another risk area. People are made in amazing ways. They constantly ask unnecessary questions, and psychologists answer with unnecessary words. Be sure to read the various tips. They are very funny and uplifting. Great for depression - very funny. One author suggests going on a trip after reconciliation, another to do something related to extreme sports, and someone advises having a festive dinner. This line of thinking is quite understandable. Many schools of psychology believe that personality is based on memory. The postulate is quite simple and understandable. Betrayal brought negative information into memory, and negative associations with each other accumulated there. And now they say we need to displace all these images and replace them with positive ones.

Nobody has anything against festive dinners, joint tourist trips and extreme sports. Just remember... Didn't you have a honeymoon, romantic dinners and similar vivid experiences? There were, but then the question arose about how to get out of depression after a wife or husband cheated on him. Above, we proceeded from the fact that men cheat more often, simply according to statistics, but let’s not forget that women are also not always limited to the role of custodian of the family hearth.

It is better to build correct behavior mainly on the exclusion of unnecessary, harmful and unpleasant things. What not to do?

Try to analyze the reasons for betrayal. There is no need to experiment on yourself. Take my word for it: if you try, it will all end in a scandal. The probability is about 90%.
Generally remember the event. Even in a positive way. Have you ever deceived yourself? Well, what's the matter?.. If there was betrayal, and then repentance and forgiveness, then there is no betrayal. Don’t think about her, but instead think about something else. For example, instead of all these joint romantic dinners or tourist trips, take it and renovate your apartment. It helps a lot... You will only think about this.
If you have children, then devote more time to them. And if they are not there, then it’s time to think about what it is already time.

Actually, this concludes our review of depression due to infidelity. And we move on to a much more dramatic situation.

How to survive your husband's betrayal - father's advice

The topic under discussion should be studied from a religious point of view. In Christianity, betrayal is considered a catastrophe on a colossal scale. The soul of a man betrayed in such a horrific way is compared to napalm-scorched earth.

Priests conducting confessions say that people who find out about the betrayal come as if they were dead, not understanding anything. And those who repent of this appear insensitive, cold, and devastated. And both have their hearts and feelings burned out.

A person who lives in captivity of the sin of treason will look for an excuse for his action. No other way. If he didn't want to, he wouldn't have done this. But he can’t live without it. The most important thing is that he himself will end up feeling bad from the incessant search for an excuse.

When tormented by the question of how to survive betrayal and the departure of your husband, you need to remember that the basis of a relationship is fidelity and trust. When people can count on each other, there is no doubt that the partner will always lend a shoulder.

Thus, adultery is a betrayal of the secret of love. After all, the most intimate things about his partner are revealed to a person. And he neglected it.

And if there is sincere, true love between people, then there is no need to change. When this happens, the traitor must state: he needs no one except himself and his interests. The rest he just uses.

We can talk for a long time on this topic. But it is enough just to remember the words of Christ about marriage: “... and the two will become one flesh. What God has joined together cannot be separated.” This is the ideal to which religion later came. The relationship between man and woman was elevated to that between Christ and the Church.

What to do? Church ministers say: honesty is above all. Even after betrayal. There is no point in keeping a tainted marriage. But, at the same time, a woman should have her own personal way to solve the problem. And it will be determined by love - the deepest knowledge and the only support in such a situation.

Is forgiveness possible? Yes, if the man sincerely and deeply repents. But such cases are rare. Repentance must go through the awareness of sin in order to wash it away from a man. But this does not mean that the old life, which turned out to be destroyed by betrayal, will be restored. It will take hard, great work. It is very difficult to regain lost trust. And the woman will remain in a crucified state for a long time.

Good looks help you move on with your life

Cheating on your husband is mean and very unpleasant. But soon time will pass, and the woman will calm down. Whatever decision she makes, psychologists recommend distracting yourself from the unpleasant situation. For example, you can take care of your own appearance to become even more beautiful. This will help you move on and not grieve.

Go on a diet if you want to lose weight. Play sports if you feel low on energy. Eat right. Update your wardrobe to look at yourself with a new look. Remember that you are a woman who is only beautiful when she smiles. And women all know that a smile appears on their face when they are satisfied with their appearance and see for themselves that they are beautiful.

What not to do

When faced with betrayal, it is important to act wisely, maintaining dignity and rational thinking. By avoiding common mistakes, you can sort out relationships and survive betrayal without unnecessary stress.

Panic

The first reaction when betrayal is discovered is fear, shock, panic. The realization that a relationship has changed forever leads to anxious thoughts and irrational decisions. Attempts by the mind to cope with the situation and solve all the problems that have arisen at once lead to confusion and stress.

Cheating is an act that is led to by many factors over which the victim has no influence.

Stereotypical excuses for betrayal, such as lack of warmth, monotony in sex, separation, may not be its cause.

Create a scandal

If the husband came into the house after a night with his mistress or the wife returned after cheating, you should not start a heated quarrel.

The victim, who has just learned of the betrayal, is in a vulnerable position in relation to the traitor and is unable to adequately fight back. Most likely, the partner has already prepared a line of defense and will turn the situation around in such a way that she herself will feel guilty. Therefore, it is worth entering into disputes and arguments after some time, when the pain subsides and feelings cool down.

A common misconception about cheating is that the partner sees the lover as the ideal person. This is not so - a traitor can choose anyone for an affair, regardless of personal qualities, appearance, intelligence, wealth, status. Comparing yourself with a competitor, looking for weaknesses, and trying to quickly change yourself will bring nothing to the victim except emotional pain.

Betrayal is a strong shock for any person. It is difficult to get over it and forgive it. A deep analysis of the situation, psychological support from family and friends, and switching attention to hobbies, work, and relationships with other people will help you cope with trauma.

If there has been cheating on the part of your husband, then you do not need to do the following so as not to fall into a depressed state:

To withdraw into yourself and withdraw into your own experiences. The more you focus on negative thoughts and feelings, the more depression you will develop.
React and communicate aggressively with your husband. This behavior will definitely not improve your relationship with him if you want to save the marriage.
Seek help from sects. Here they will provide you with imaginary support, making you their “regular customer”, ready to give your money.
Look for men with whom you can have casual sexual relationships. If you start proving something to someone, you will make it even worse. You don't need to prove to yourself that someone else might like you. Just be sure that other men like you. Your husband does not need to prove that you can also have a lover or take revenge on him, because this will lead to divorce.
Eating grief. You can, of course, start eating to calm your nervous system. However, when the problems go away, you will still have to struggle with excess weight.
Take up alcohol. Many people try to forget themselves in alcoholic drinks. However, understand that once you get sober, your problems will still be present in your life. Alcohol clouds your mind for several hours, but it doesn’t solve your problems.
Get involved in shopping. Of course, you can go shopping to pamper yourself in some way. However, this, like alcohol and sweets, will not solve your problem.

Conflict prevention

It gets easier over time. The offense is gradually forgotten, and other experiences, joys and sorrows appear. Having gotten rid of depression, a woman begins a new life. Some start it without their ex, others build a future with their spouse. In all cases, adhere to certain rules that will save the family and prevent the pain from reoccurring.

The repentant man returned to his native walls. The woman has forgiven, but there is a crack in the relationship. Any misconduct or wrong tactics in restoring the former can destroy harmony. It is important for the fair sex to remember the rules for building strong relationships:

Avoid reminders of the incident, lover.
Express trust in your other half: without interrogations, unnecessary calls, SMS checks, emails.
Start with a clean slate. Make a man fall in love again, break up your routine with dates, romance, and spending time together.
Find moments that bring you together: hobbies, work.

When building a relationship with your husband or another person, try to avoid situations that provoke the appearance of a mistress. Follow these recommendations:

Be more reserved. Hysterics and quarrels are repulsive and contribute to the emergence of conflicts.
Take care of yourself. In your home environment, you look beautiful and well-groomed.
Spend time with your beloved, listen to his problems, advise.
Become a good housewife and lover. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. It is equally important to satisfy your spouse in bed.

Good afternoon everyone! I understand that the topic is not new, but a couple of months ago I found out that my beloved husband was cheating on me. I learned this from an email correspondence, purely by accident, the phone beeped about a new mail, and the message appeared on the screen... I don’t even want to remember what happened to me at that moment... I was struck by severe pain. I couldn’t understand why and why this happened in our such a strong family... Of course, I immediately told my husband that I knew everything. His first reaction was that I was a fool and it was all my own fault, and that he would not discuss this with me, and if I wanted, I could disagree with him.

I'll step back a little. At that moment, we were with friends in Finland, skiing, and I physically could not leave there, because... we arrived there by car... There were still 3 days left of being with everyone and, of course, with him.

I tried to pull myself together and went for a walk... I was gone for 2 or 3 hours (it was dark outside), but no one worried about me, and they didn’t rush to look for me... I returned, he was sitting with friends, having dinner... I went to our room and sat quietly, wondering to myself how it all happened. At night, when everyone had gone to their rooms, my husband had to come to me... And he came, as if nothing had happened... He tried to cuddle me. Anyway, we talked... He said that it was all my fault, that he didn’t have enough sex, and that he was tired of feeling “humiliated” by constantly begging me for sex. That he doesn’t need that woman at all, and that he doesn’t have any feelings for her, and that all this happened once, purely by chance, and now it’s just correspondence... But I know this woman... And they once had an affair a long time ago work, but I didn’t know that he had sex... And this time he rushed to tell me this too, which completely finished me off. He said that he didn’t need her all these 8 years. And then he was just tired, it happened...

Then it got worse, I began to calm down, I thought that it was a mistake once. But then, a couple of weeks later, in the old phone that my daughter was playing with, I find their correspondence, from which I clearly understand that there was more than one meeting, and that he even went with her to another country for a couple of days, or rather, she flew him there when he was on a business trip. He didn’t take me there, he said that there was a lot to do, that there would be constant meetings, and I would be bored. Now I understand why I didn’t take it, because... I had already bought tickets in advance for her and myself for the return trip, and the tickets were not cheap, but for a sleeper car, and booked a hotel in the very center, and even asked the hotel to meet her with flowers and champagne...

I want to make a reservation... We have been married for 9 years, and in recent years my husband has stopped giving me flowers, gifts, even on my birthday, and, in general, somehow financially participating in my life... And suddenly this happens... Expensive tickets, flowers, champagne .

When I told him that I knew this too, he did not come home, and when he returned, he went to sleep in another room... Although I begged him to lie with me, he said that he was so angry with me... that he simply “hated” me . Sorry that so much has been written and in such detail, I just need to speak out... It took me a long time to write all this...

I love my husband very much, he says that he loves me and does not want to ruin the marriage, that he needed that woman ONLY for sex, but he always loved me... And since everything has changed so much in our marriage that now there is a lot of sex, and he sees that I am not indifferent, then he is not at all interested in her now!

We didn’t break up with him, we still live together, but I’m VERY HURT, and I can neither forget this nor forgive!!! And I can’t help but tell him about this, but he gets angry and says that he’s already tired of my depression, and that it’s impossible to live like this, we torture each other. Yes, I understand this myself, but I cannot remain silent, I am in pain and have no strength to live.

To be honest, I don't believe a man can sleep with another woman without having feelings for her... just for sex. There are men among you, explain to me whether this can be real. And why is he unromantic with me and has never given me such “gifts” as a surprise trip he completely organized... And so with flowers... But with her he’s romantic... Doesn’t that mean that he feels something for her? - something MORE?

By the way, that woman is married, she has three children and a loving husband. And she has known me for a long time as the wife of her now former director... We met at corporate events and at exhibitions. And she already slept with him then... Perhaps for the sake of some gifts.

Please, if you can, help resolve our family problem and help me somehow get out of depression. What should I do???

How to get rid of depression after the betrayal of your beloved other half? Most often, representatives of the fair sex suffer from this question, since men are polygamous by nature. And according to statistics, almost every third man has cheated on his girlfriend or wife at least once. For the female half of the population, this is a very heavy blow, a psychological shock, which over time develops into depression. You need to quickly say goodbye to this condition in order for life to return to normal and bring pleasure again.

Depression is a human condition accompanied by feelings of depression and depression. After a girl finds out that her closest and most beloved person has betrayed her, a feeling of complete emptiness arises. It seems that the world around has collapsed, existence without a soul mate is not possible. All these thoughts lead to a depressed psycho-emotional state. The matter can end not only in a bad mood, gloomy thoughts and a gloomy appearance. Depression can become severe when the person who has been cheated on begins to turn to alcohol more and more often.

How to get out of depression after your husband cheats?

So, you understand where depression comes from after your husband’s betrayal, all that remains is to figure out how to recover from it. It is necessary to start the process today, because the longer the shock drags on, the more serious the problem becomes, and the more serious it is, the more difficult it is to calm down. To help you understand, take a tree as an example. It is easy to dig up something that has just been planted, but perennials will need serious special equipment.

The current and most effective way to get out of depression is to transfer feelings from one object to another. This does not mean that you immediately need to start looking for a new betrothed. The point is about subjects or activities that you feel a certain energy about. We were able to observe healing using the following procedures:

Rearranging the furniture in the apartment (many women manage to calm down);
Collecting puzzles or construction sets with a child or alone (allows you to direct all your thoughts in one direction);
Purchasing new accessories that you either like to collect or want to update (smartphone, tablet, bag, etc.);
Cardio exercise of any form to the point of exhaustion (when running, jumping and other intense sports, the brain is saturated with oxygen (especially if the exercises take place outside), the body expends energy, which has a beneficial effect on sleep, as a result of which all body processes are normalized, lost ones are restored hormones and vitamins as a result of stress);
Give up bad habits and get hooked on fruits and berries;
Do not resort to one-time intercourse in bed, save this energy for good deeds (otherwise the body will again begin to exhaust itself);
Leisure: cinema, theater, circus, attraction (visit places with positive energy, it is contagious and helps to get out of tetanus);
Trips to spas, beauty salons, massage, bath complexes and other relaxation services;
Shopping is the best event (a separate aspect is devoted to it below).

Depression will definitely keep you in place (in bed, on a chair in front of the TV or computer), but find the strength within yourself to take the first step, this will be the first signal of motivation for your brain, and as a result, it will help you calm down after your husband’s betrayal.

Effective ways

To combat depression, it would be good to first increase your self-esteem and restore vitality and energy. On your first beautiful morning without a cheater, you need to get out of bed and think that the reflection in the mirror is the most beautiful and attractive in the world. Without thinking about the past, you just need to smile at him. A favorable emotional background is very necessary. Help to create it:

music;
singing;
dancing.

Even if a person does not have special talents, it’s okay. This, at a minimum, will help you fool around and laugh at yourself. You need to choose funny melodies and favorite songs. With these fellow travelers, it is better to take a contrast shower, which will help wash away all the accumulated negativity from the body and soul. Having received a feeling of purity, freedom and lightness, your thoughts will gradually begin to come into order.

You can put on light makeup and start preparing breakfast. But be sure to ensure that getting out of depression is not accompanied by excessive appetite, which will help you gain extra pounds and lose shape. Therefore, food should be light, healthy, nutritious and tasty at the same time. It is recommended to include in the diet:

fruits;
fresh vegetables;
fish;
bird;
cheese;
yogurt;
cottage cheese.

The process of cooking is a great distraction from sadness and melancholy. This activity attracts and makes the emotional state more favorable, especially if the whole process takes place to cheerful music.

Work is also a great way to recharge emotions. It will distract you and help you set new goals so that a person moves forward, no matter what. However, you should not be fanatical about this idea, because no one has canceled the holiday.

Often such people gather all their friends, but not to cry about life and complain about the injustice of fate, but for shopping. He will certainly help heal all mental wounds. Don’t forget about going to places that can entertain you: bowling alley, club, cafe, cinema, museum, etc.

Experts advise taking a trip out of town with your girlfriends.

Fresh air, food cooked on the grill, outdoor games - all this will help restore feelings of joy and encouragement.

Your mood will immediately improve, and not a trace of sadness will remain.