How to get out of depression after breaking up with your loved one?

Depression that occurs after breaking up with a loved one

Statistics show that today there are more divorces than marriages. The end of a love relationship always causes enormous stress for both men and women.

When people separate, each of them completely changes their lifestyle, thinking, habits, and social status. A person begins to look at his life in a new way, he develops a different perception of reality, stereotypes are broken, new attitudes are laid, which are not always positive. The longer the union lasted, the stronger the feelings, the more serious the subsequent depression after separation. Many people do not see a way out of this situation; it is extremely difficult for them to cope with their psycho-emotional problems on their own.

This begs the question: if a relationship has already exhausted itself and no longer brings pleasure to both, why does its termination cause so much negative experiences and suffering?
The main reason for depression is due to the fact that a person’s expectations and plans for the future that he associated with this union are completely destroyed. Depression in women is more often associated with an emotional component.
If men are able to quickly switch to other relationships, throw themselves into work, and move on with their lives, then an abandoned woman cannot get rid of the emotional experiences associated with her ex-partner for a long time. Her whole world is collapsing, she dreamed of children, a comfortable life, joint plans with one person, she felt some certainty, but her hopes were not justified. Thoughts about one’s uselessness, fear of the future, a depressed state, and disturbances in mental balance lead to depressive disorder. For men, depression hits later; more often it is associated with a feeling of guilt in front of children and with disappointment from a free life. Relationships with other women do not bring much joy, do not live up to expectations, and many are overcome by chronic fatigue from loneliness. A third of men at this stage think about returning to their ex-wife, but the stereotypes imposed by society and the fear of seeming pathetic do not allow this to happen.

Depression after a breakup

Depression after a breakup is familiar to many people, which overtook them after a strong emotional attachment to a person.
This condition is intensified by melancholy, apathy, internal discomfort, and is provoked by a sudden break in relationships. Depression after a breakup is a kind of suffering of the soul for an irrevocably departed person for whom a deep feeling of love arose. Many people wonder: how long does depression last after a breakup? Liberation from psychological dependence is individual for each person and everything depends on his desire, emotional state, type of nervous system, and willpower.

How to overcome depression after a breakup? It is important to understand what causes this condition and also to understand yourself. One of the basic human needs is the need to be loved, because the soul needs love. As soon as something happens that someone stops loving you or you break up with your loved one (husband, boyfriend, girlfriend), then the mind has a very hard time accepting this reality. For this reason, an uncomfortable existence arises and depression overcomes after separation. After a breakup, it is very difficult for the heart to readjust and accept reality, since the brain is absorbed in pleasant memories of love. In moments of separation, depression seems unbearable and painful.

How dangerous is depression after a breakup?

Most people endure separation from a loved one relatively easily, experiencing short-term subdepressive disorder. This is accompanied by decreased performance, mild depression, a tearful mood, and a feeling of devastation. Such blues, as a rule, go away on their own without causing serious consequences. However, some people, especially women who have been abandoned by the man they love, develop signs of clinical depression.

A person stuck in a past relationship is unable to adequately assess his situation, look at the future with optimism, draw conclusions, or start life anew.

Depression after divorce often pushes women to suicidal attempts, so a long-term depressed state requires immediate qualified help. Although women are more likely to dramatize the situation and fall into depression, for men the consequences of a breakup can also be serious. Many of them experience anger, resentment, and often drown out their feelings with alcoholic beverages, which can aggravate depression and lead to alcoholism.

Depression after breakup: phases of the disease

Phase 1. Shock-numb-denial

In this phase, the first response to the partner’s departure occurs - shock, because often the message about the breakup of the relationship is unexpected and groundless. During this period, it is difficult to comprehend the fact that the loved one has made an unambiguous, final choice: the abandoned spouse has the illusion that the relationship can still be resurrected.

Phase 2. Resentment-anger-aggression

Phase 3. Attempts at reconciliation

Phase 4. Apathy-depression

Phase 5. Awareness-acceptance-adaptation

It should be noted that the duration and characteristics of each of the above phases depends on various factors, including:

Individual character traits;

Level of self-esteem;

Threshold of sensitivity to stress;
Accepted model of response to stressors;
The state of the nervous system as a whole;
The presence of other traumatic factors;
Reason for separation;
Age category of partners;
The need to resolve property disputes;
The significance of the changes in lifestyle resulting from the breakup;
Having common children;
Opportunity to receive support from family and friends.

Symptoms of depressive disorder after a breakup

Depression after a divorce or breakup of a love relationship manifests itself with characteristic symptoms and the appearance of various addictions, for example, from alcohol, medications, drugs or gambling. Depression after a breakup has characteristic symptoms:

decreased ability to have fun, loss of motivation for favorite activities, fatigue, low performance;
depressed, depressed mood, sleep disturbance, pessimistic outlook on life, suicidal mood;
for women who have been abandoned by their husbands, a characteristic symptom is the appearance of an irrational fear of the future, especially if there are children;
in many men, depression manifests itself as an inability to concentrate, make decisions, feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and low self-esteem;
Most people have an eating disorder, mainly a tendency to stress eating or a complete refusal to eat;
a desire for social isolation and loneliness appears, a person can become a hypochondriac.

Despite the fact that for each individual person, depression after a divorce or separation from a partner occurs differently, we can roughly identify some stages of the development of the disorder that are characteristic of all men and women:

Communication with friends and relatives

Despite the fact that both the woman and the man have no time for communication at this moment, they need to find the strength in themselves to at least start communicating with people a little, so as not to completely withdraw into themselves. Psychologists believe that isolation should not last more than a week.

After some time, this situation will make itself felt and irreversible changes will begin in consciousness. Refusal to communicate will lead to worsening depression; destructive thoughts will unconsciously take hold of the suffering person.

Research by specialists in the field of psychology has proven that you can survive a breakup with your beloved man by communicating with relatives and friends.

They provide moral support that heals the soul. After a breakup, you shouldn’t isolate yourself and refuse to meet with loved ones. Go outside or visit a movie theater. In this case, it will be possible to overcome the manifestations of depression in a short period.

Strategy for overcoming depression

There is no such person who would not experience parting with loved ones and friends in his life. Most often, such situations have serious consequences in the form of depression. This is especially true for lovers and married couples. Thus, depression after divorce negatively affects the future life of the spouses. Various memories of tender meetings, romantic relationships, etc. suppress positive emotions, which, in principle, is defined as a depressive state.

Main signs of depression:

– feelings such as joy and pleasure develop into a depressed state;

– loss of interest in the outside world;

– impaired memory and ability to concentrate;

– reluctance to make decisions;

– unreasonable fear and anxiety;

– constant feeling of fatigue;

– vegetative symptoms in the form of sweating, dry mouth, etc.

With the advent of the so-called “love catastrophe,” a person loses one of his important life needs. Namely, the need to be loved. It is this feeling that leads to stress and causes negative emotions. From a psychological point of view, our brain seems to reach a dead end, and while it frantically searches for answers to the question “why,” a person experiences a period of confusion. Depression after parting with a loved one is accompanied by digging within oneself and searching for one’s own shortcomings as the cause of separation and loneliness. It is worth noting that for those who are going through this difficult period in life, everything happens very painfully, so such people need special care and help.

Getting rid of depression gradually

A very important step is accepting reality. Denial of the fact of separation, as well as attempts to run away from oneself, only intensify depression. The first thing a suffering person needs to do is get rid of the addiction of falling in love. This dependence is psychological, so it requires a special, and sometimes professional, approach. Psychologists compare separation to withdrawal. As with drugs, the greater the awareness of separation from what one wants, the more the attachment and need increases. In our case, there is a strengthening of the moral and energetic connection with a person who no longer belongs to us.

Among the recommendations on how to get rid of depression, they advise filling the spiritual emptiness. So, some go deep into work, and others into religion. Some try to forget themselves through bad habits, while for others reality is replaced by a world of fantasy. It cannot be said that depression after a breakup goes away overnight, but you can find the right approach to the problem. Do not forget that time heals best, especially if you feel the support of loved ones. Physical and social activities also help a lot. Practicing sports or yoga, as well as helping others, will only have a positive effect on the psychological state of a person suffering from depression.

Pay attention to your appearance

As a rule, both women and men, after breaking up, stop taking care of and caring for themselves, not caring at all about their appearance. However, you shouldn’t do this either.

Self-neglect will provoke new rounds of depression. On the contrary, during this period of time it is necessary to visit hairdressers, beauty centers or SPA salons . These establishments will help you overcome depression, because here you simply relax in a state of peace and receive services, the results of which you will be satisfied with. Thus, you will gradually regain your previous appearance.

You can also treat depression after breaking up with your beloved man by shopping. Just by walking through shops and shopping centers and buying an insignificant trinket, you will give yourself at least a little pleasure.

Depression after breakup: recommendations for men and women

Depression after separation - the severity of this negative state is felt by those who, for various reasons, had to let go of a loved one.
Everyone experiences this difficult period of life differently - some manage to cope thanks to their workload, while others make suicidal attempts.

To understand how to cope with depression after a breakup, you need to understand why it occurs and whether its occurrence itself can be prevented.

Every person, at his very core, is a social being. From the moment we are born, we are surrounded by other people - parents, siblings, uncles and aunts. They help raise a child in society, adapt to it, and become imbued with ideas and rules of behavior.

As a person grows up, he takes on more and more responsibilities. However, at the same time, strive to create comfortable psychological conditions for yourself - to find a couple. And even if the relationship does not work out as expected, certain hopes and dreams were still associated with it. Of course, this applies more to representatives of the fair half of humanity. Since childhood, they have imagined the most important day in their lives - a wedding. Men also, tying themselves into an alliance, make plans for the future. And if a relationship becomes obsolete, they perceive it quite painfully.

Parting with a loved one is naturally accompanied by deep depression. Not everyone can cope with it in a few days or even months. Sometimes you need the help of a specialist. With its help, a program is developed that helps to get out of a state of psychological crisis.

Not everyone is able to understand that they have developed a mental disorder such as depression. This is a common human reaction to experienced stress, only expressed in a stronger form. Attachment to a seemingly loved one with whom you have lived for several years is not expressed openly by everyone. As well as negative emotions from parting with him.

Whereas severe depression manifests itself as follows:

constant depression - emotions are at a negative level every day, there is a desire to cry and feel sorry for oneself;
a previously loved and enjoyable job or hobby has lost its appeal and ceased to bring positive emotions;
outwardly, a person also changes - he stops taking care of himself, it simply becomes difficult for him to wash his face or comb his hair again, or change clothes;
those around you begin to notice strange behavior - periods of feverish activity are replaced by complete apathy and indifference, emotions can change from one extreme, for example, euphoria, to “falling into the abyss”, when it is not far from suicide.

How long depression lasts after a breakup is largely determined by the psychological characteristics of a particular person. No specialist can give exact dates. However, by the end of the first year, most people manage to recover from the emotional collapse they experienced and start new relationships with the opposite sex.

The majority of women, having met a man and decided that he will be the main companion of her life, seem to dissolve in him. They project all their dreams and expectations onto him, sometimes completely forgetting about their desires and needs. It is especially difficult for them to come to terms with the fact that the relationship has outlived its usefulness and the “hero of the novel” no longer sees his “half” in them.

In such cases, experts give the following recommendations on how to get out of depression after a breakup:

Overcome the first desire to retire from all people, to withdraw into your own “shell”. It is better to renew half-forgotten relationships with friends who had to be pushed aside because of family - to visit cafes, exhibitions, theaters. Yes, just have a “bachelorette party” and have a blast to the fullest – “wash the bones” of all representatives of the human race.
Remember the existence of swimming pools, gyms or dance clubs - and you can put your figure in order, and your mood will improve against the backdrop of physical activity. It has been proven that playing sports contributes to the production of endorphins - the hormones of joy.
Engaging in building a career - winning over male colleagues helps overcome depression in women like nothing else. Many representatives of the beautiful part of the population, after a breakup, quite successfully start their own business.

If all of the above does not help, depression draws you into its net more and more intensely, before it is too late, it is better to seek the help of a specialist. A person is given only one life, and therefore it is not worth wasting it, even for a short period.

No matter how strange it may seem, men experience separation from a previously beloved woman much more difficult, especially if this step was her initiative. After all, their pride suffers.

The following tips can help you avoid mental illness:

master a new type of activity - for example, scuba diving or parachute jumping;
seeing friends regularly - spending time together outside the city, bowling, fishing;
go on a business trip abroad or on vacation;
make new acquaintances with optimistic people - adapt their views on life to your situation;
increase your own self-esteem - take a new step on the career ladder, open your own business.

A professional psychologist can tell you how to survive depression after a breakup. It is worth visiting this specialist if your mental disorder does not go away for too long.

Emotional problems

To understand how to cope with depression after divorce, you need to understand the essence of the problem. Stress comes after the divorce has already happened. Before this, a person is as if in a dream; he understands what is happening, but is not yet aware of it. Emotionally, the most difficult period is post-divorce. At this time, a person faces several problems that he needs to solve.

It is necessary to create a new family system. To begin with, it will be single. In the future, everyone has the opportunity to create a new family, but in order for the new union to be strong, conscious and mature, it is necessary to live alone for some time to understand what happened. The feelings should subside. Not only the attachment must go, but also the anger.

It is very important to build and stabilize your new family system. In moments of despair, she will be the rear. To do this, you need to improve your everyday life and completely rebuild your life for one family member. The second important task for both men and women is that they must accept the irreversibility of the situation.

It is worth understanding that not everyone experiences depression after a divorce. If everything happened by agreement of both parties, the divorce was carried out peacefully and amicably, although not without sadness, then the bad mood will quickly pass. If divorce was the only way out of the situation and served as liberation for one of the spouses due to the hysterical character traits, unbearable jealousy, aggression of the other, then there will be no regrets.

After a divorce, depression occurs due to the need to destroy the strong and indestructible image of “we” in the mind and create an image of “I”. If there was a very strong attachment between two people, then the person may feel empty. Problems can arise due to the fact that you have to completely reconsider your lifestyle, solve problems that you had never even approached before.

A serious emotional problem concerns the fact that a person’s anxiety about the future increases greatly. His picture of the world has collapsed, and he does not know where to move now. It takes about a year for a person to understand what to do and how to get out of depression after a divorce. In individual cases, there may be fluctuations of a couple of months in either direction. If the depressive state continues longer, you need to seek specialized help.

What can you do to avoid getting depressed?

For many, the world without a loved one seems empty and even alien. Completely negative thoughts creep into your head. Understanding that separation is inevitable - the relationship has completely exhausted itself, you can take a number of actions to alleviate mental anguish. An analysis of the relationships of many couples helped experts draw up a kind of set of rules on how to minimize the consequences of the collapse of such a union.

How to avoid getting depressed after a breakup:

carefully think through and write down on paper what attracted you in your partner and what repelled you and periodically re-read this list (especially negative qualities);
let go of the pain, don’t accumulate it in yourself - it’s better to find a “vest” and cry completely, talk it out;
create such a busy schedule of work, affairs and plans for yourself that you don’t even have enough strength to implement them - then there will be no time left for depression;
do not refuse to communicate with this person - it is better to look at him with a different look, more closely, maybe there is nothing to suffer about.

You can independently assess whether you have signs of depression and how severe they are using a simple depression test.

Be sure to learn about 9 steps that will help you overcome depression, including that associated with a breakup.

The concept of "depression"

First you need to understand what depression after divorce is and when it appears. In psychology, depression is considered a disease and is defined as follows:

A large number of people suffer from this disease. According to psychologists, more than 14 million people in Russia are depressed. Although many people experience symptoms of depression, it is important to distinguish lingering low mood from a serious psychological illness. There are different types of it.

Psychogenic depression

This type of disorder occurs as a reaction to external factors, to the loss of a loved one. Moreover, this means not only the death of a loved one, but also his disappearance from the life of someone who has fallen into depression. This can happen through incarceration, relocation, relationship breakdown and divorce. It is this type of psychological disorder that men are most often exposed to.

Psychogenic depression is self-pity, a feeling of depression, revaluation of values, a feeling of the meaninglessness of life

In a state of psychogenic depression, a person is depressed, dissatisfied with himself and others, restless, and his reaction may be inhibited. The situation seems hopeless to him, and therefore his tendency to commit suicide increases. Such depression can become chronic.

Endogenous depression

Another type of mental disorder is internal depression. Its causes are insufficient production of certain substances by the body and disruption of its normal functioning. This disease is treated more seriously, using psychotherapeutic methods and medications.

The occurrence of such a disorder is directly related to external circumstances: life’s troubles serve as a reason for the development of this disease in an acute form. Divorce, which is accompanied by strong feelings, becomes such an impetus.

It is important to understand that when treating this type of depression, the emphasis is not on a specific negative experience - divorce, but on the general condition of the person. If you incorrectly determine the type and causes of depression and try to take a man with endogenous depression away from negative experiences associated with family breakdown, such treatment may not have results.

Endogenous depression often visits people who are always dissatisfied with themselves

How can a woman cope with depression after breaking up with a man?

Depression after breaking up with a man is familiar to many women. Only a few of them were able to quickly get rid of their depressed state and restore peace of mind. Most women, after a breakup, lose their vitality and plunge into a depressive state. It can last for months. Sometimes a woman cannot completely get rid of the consequences of psychological trauma until the end of her life.

Breaking up a relationship inevitably hits a woman's self-esteem and hurts her pride. Especially if it happened on the initiative of a loved one. The severity of the depressive state also depends on the tactfulness of the lover. Rude and mocking words can cause severe pain in a woman. But even the most tactful and noble behavior of a loved one, who proposed to separate, deeply wounds his former lover.

Trauma is caused by the sudden collapse of plans and hopes associated with a broken relationship. Girls tend to dream about marriage, about being the mother of cute children and the mistress of a cozy home. They perceive breaking up with a guy as a betrayal, a stab in the back and the end of life.

Romantic people idealize their lover, attributing qualities that are unusual to him. They dream of a happy, long-term marriage until death, filled with trust, love and tenderness. Broken dreams destroy the foundation of their vision of the world order. Frustrated girls begin to doubt all their beliefs.

A woman loses faith in her strength, becomes withdrawn, vulnerable and distrustful. She suffers from loneliness, not knowing what to do with her suddenly appeared free time. Vulnerable creatures can forever refuse relationships with men, considering them a source of pain and suffering. Those women who managed to create a new union may subconsciously expect betrayal from their chosen one, not trusting him.

When building relationships, psychological dependence is formed. A woman gets used to relying on her loved one physically, psychologically or financially. When she breaks up with a man, she loses her support, feels confused, defenseless and useless to anyone.

Loneliness sometimes causes a kind of psychological withdrawal. The woman is trying with all her might to return to her usual comfort. She loses touch with reality and focuses only on the means of getting her lover back by any means necessary.

A woman may try to arouse his pity, try to blackmail him, pursue, threaten, impose herself. Some women try to return a man with the help of otherworldly forces, turning to various magicians and sorcerers. They torture themselves physically and emotionally. On this basis, severe psychosis can develop.

First comes the denial stage. At this stage, the body's defenses are activated, trying to reduce the destructive effects of stress.

A lonely woman consoles herself with illusions that this is not the end. That the man was joking or got excited. That he would be lost without her, face insurmountable difficulties and return. This stage can last from one to several months.

Over time, denial is replaced by intense anger and frustration. A woman wants to take revenge on the offender who caused her suffering. She may try to harm him by any means. Try to manipulate children or start a lawsuit over property.

At the third stage, a woman dramatically changes her attitude towards her lover. She remembers all the good things that happened between them. Seeks reconciliation and asks for forgiveness. She hopes that the guy will forgive her and return.

When all efforts do not lead to the desired result, the stage of apathy begins. This is the most dangerous stage that causes depression.

Depressive disorder after a breakup has its own symptoms:

How to overcome depression after a breakup?

It is very important for a person experiencing depression to free himself from love dependence (addiction). Often, when love passes or after parting with a loved one, a person regrets not for the partner, but for the feelings that he gave him. Therefore, a person does not worry about his loved one, but shows pity for himself that he was left without his love. Love is a selfish thing. A person always wants love and to the maximum, and when it is not there, it is very difficult for the dependent partner to get rid of it and come to terms with the reality that is happening.

Understanding the biochemical mechanism that occurs after a breakup will help you overcome depression after a breakup. For a person who is emotionally attached, the energetic connection intensifies, since he is not ready for this outcome of the relationship and his dependence on his loved one greatly increases, exhausting him with love withdrawal.

Studies conducted on people who have experienced a breakup in a relationship indicate that separation is often a severe psycho-emotional shock, leading to frustration, psychological discomfort, a feeling of humiliation, and loss of self-worth.

Depression after a breakup undermines deep-seated beliefs about love, devotion, and family. Both emotions, feelings and worldview, belief system, and beliefs become wounded.

The results of studies of people experiencing depression after a breakup show the prevalence of two main components - the victim complex and the aggression complex. The aggression complex includes emotions such as bitterness, bitterness, irritation, desire for retribution and revenge, and self-aggression.

The victim complex includes conditions such as apathy, resentment, helplessness, humiliation, sadness, decreased vitality, and painful memories. The severity of sacrifice in women is much higher than in men. The person feels helpless, unable to overcome the consequences of what happened. He often blames himself for the breakup and the inability to foresee the development of such events in time. The aggression complex is associated with a feeling of injustice, with a form of auto-aggression, as well as self-blame. Other manifestations of depression include emotional numbness or global inhibition of feelings, a feeling of hopelessness, suicidal tendencies, and psychosomatic symptoms. Difficulties arise in performing routine household or official duties.

Depression after a breakup contributes to the formation of a sad, anxious, depressed state, as well as painful memories.

Depression after breaking up with one partner leaves its mark on the next relationship. People who have experienced relationship trauma enter into permanent new relationships no earlier than five years later. The reason for such a long break is an indifferent position or internal passivity in front of new relationships. Often a person continues to suffer from loneliness, but does not make any attempts to make new acquaintances, because internally he is not yet ready. Often men do not initiate new relationships.

How to relieve depression after a breakup? In such a situation, a psychologist will help, who will remove mistrust, bitterness, bitterness, fatalistic views, cynicism, and self-reproaches. In most cases, people refuse to acknowledge their unwanted or negative emotions, such as revenge, anger, humiliation, because it goes against their moral beliefs. In these cases, the work of accepting and identifying your negative emotions can be quite difficult.

A competent approach by a psychologist, as well as the desire of the person himself to overcome depression after a breakup, is of great importance in the success of treatment.

Take advantage of the following advice from psychologists: communicate with friends, play sports, walk more often, be in nature, travel, meet new people, devote yourself to work, do home renovations; enrich your diet with foods containing serotonin (fish, nuts, eggs, honey, chocolate, raisins, fruits, seafood, vegetables), lead a cultural life (theaters, exhibitions, museums, film festivals), change your image and wardrobe, forget about privacy, don’t let avoid loneliness, learn self-massage, art therapy, take an active part in holidays, read more positive literature, avoid sad people, mentally let go of the situation and start building a new life.

Ending a relationship with a loved one is a serious psychological stress, regardless of whether the breakup was a mutual decision, or whether the partner suddenly disappeared from view. The period after separation is not only a global change in lifestyle, social status, financial situation and established habits. This is a total breakdown of the thinking model, revision of existing stereotypes, reorganization of one’s behavior and the formation of a new perception of reality.

If a person, after a traumatic event, remains in a depressed state for a long time (more than 3 weeks), interfering with usual activities, negatively affecting physical well-being, forcing him to make adjustments to his lifestyle, then one should think about the presence of depressive reactions. It should be noted that depression after divorce is a dangerous disorder that often leads to suicide attempts.