How quickly does love pass in men after a breakup?

Heartache when breaking up

Consulting: Miftakhutdinova Elza Raisovna

The relationship seemed so stable and happy that I didn’t believe in a breakup for the first week. I tried to talk, to reach out. then realizing that this was his decision, she tried to understand, but could not, then she cried and begged, wrote and called, swore and made a scandal, which infuriated him, he blocked me everywhere he could, I tried to talk to his mother , who was also shocked, but then she turned away from me. I REALIZE THAT I DID ALL THIS IN VAIN. But my soul is turned inside out. I look like a hunted animal who is fighting in a cage and cannot find a way out or relief.

And now three weeks have passed since the start of the breakup. After my next attempt to get through to him (my breakdowns were repeated weekly), he put up a photo with a girl for everyone to see, specifically telling me that he met her immediately after our scandal (when I tried to explain to him that I don’t believe in a breakup and a friend we will feel bad without a friend), that she is 8 years younger, that she is more beautiful than me, that with her he has a chance to have a child. I'm shocked. After all, I started talking about children when we were together, I wanted to give birth to him, but for some reason it didn’t work out (I have two daughters from my first marriage, he’s 35, he wasn’t married, he doesn’t have children, at first he said that he didn’t think about it about children, and after six months he already changed his mind and began to say that he would already like to have a child from me).

In general, it was another blow, and a very cruel and stunning one. I still can’t understand how a person can change in such a short period of time (on January 1 he said that I was the best, and on January 5 he wrote that we should break up).

And now I’m trying to get over it all, let go, forgive, mentally thank, BUT THE SOUL IS STILL BREAKING. The pain seems to have settled in the chest and does not go away. She took over my whole body, all my thoughts. I try to distract myself with children, work, communication, but I can’t help but think about what happened, I can’t help but remember, I can’t believe that it was all a lie. IT DOESN'T HAPPEN THAT WAY.

And my most important question is how long does it take for this pain to subside? How long does this period usually last? I’m already so tired, in these three weeks, I want to heal, I want to forget, BUT I CAN’T. Please explain, help.

Over time

Perhaps some time after the actual separation, you will need to meet with your ex-partner to resolve urgent matters. If you were married, then you will have to do this in any case, at least in order to officially formalize your divorce. How to behave in this situation?

Try not to show your ex-husband your negative feelings, such as anger and pain, treat him as a business partner. Hostility in this situation has never benefited anyone (except lawyers). If you both behave in a civilized manner, the divorce process will be much less painful. This is especially important if you have children. Although your relationship with your husband is already in the past, he still remains a parent. Maintain a civilized relationship with your ex-spouse, if only for the sake of your children.

Some time after the breakup, you will realize that all painful experiences are in the past. Now you have the opportunity to calmly enter a new stage of your life and accept changes. Only a few years will pass, and you will be sincerely surprised that you could not imagine your life without this person and were always going to be close to him. Believe me, you can do it! After going through a painful breakup, you will feel that you have become a stronger person. You will be convinced that you are fully capable of living independently and are able to cope with any difficulties and problems.

The process of emotional recovery after a long-term relationship, especially if you were married, is rarely easy and painless. But, if many people have coped with this before you, then you can definitely cope too! Having survived the tragedy of divorce or the pain of separation, you will become much stronger and will definitely find your true love!

How long does pain last after a breakup?

Want to know when you'll feel good again?

You've heard it a billion times: "Time heals all wounds." But when you're going through a bad breakup, you're probably wondering how much time we're talking about?

From loss of appetite to possible negative health effects, you'll likely go through a lot of changes after your relationship ends. And it’s not a fact that all these changes will have a beneficial effect on you. So, naturally, we really want to know how long does it take to bridge a gap? When will you feel calm and peaceful again?

When it comes to the duration of pain from this loss, many people use some mythical formula. Some people think the recovery time is half the length of the relationship, some people think it's about a month.

Most situations are unique because there are a billion circumstances that can lead to the demise of a relationship. Plus, when Facebook reminds us that our ex was extremely happy on his trip to California, your mental anguish can easily be prolonged.

But a new study may have found the magic number.

According to a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, 71 percent of 155 young people took about three months (approximately 11 weeks) to see positive aspects in a breakup. This was the moment when the participants felt that they had grown as individuals and became purposeful.

This may seem like too short a period of time for some and too long for others. Remember, this is just an average—everyone recovers differently. Although you might assume that one breakup in a better position would be easier to bear than one that was a scandal.

Of course, the person who instigated the breakup had more time to mentally prepare for the breakup and wanted it to happen, but according to the same study, both parties are in that recovery zone for 11 weeks. How to spend these 11 weeks is up to you to decide.

Why does it hurt so much?

Parting with a loved one is an incredibly painful experience that is very difficult to overcome without emotional and moral losses. Psychologically, separation is perceived not only as the breakup of a couple, but also as the collapse of all dreams and hopes. Very often, a break with a loved one turns out to be much more painful than even physical death, which, at least, is irreversible. Relationships that bring pain are unbearable, but parting with the tormentor is often perceived as a betrayal and hurts the self-esteem and pride of the person who was abandoned.

In modern society, breaking up with a boyfriend or divorcing a husband is often a reproach for a woman. It is believed that a woman is more interested in a long-term relationship, so it is she who must do everything possible (and impossible) to save the family. This is implied even if a man leaves the family of his own free will. What can we say about those cases when a man finds himself abandoned by a woman! Therefore, after parting with a loved one, a woman is often tormented by a feeling of guilt and an inferiority complex.

Of course, these experiences are not true. The end of a relationship, although a sad event, is quite common. So why continue a relationship that brings pain or does not allow at least one of the partners to develop?

What to do if the girl you love leaves you?

How to get over a breakup with a girl? This question occupies many young people whose personal relationships with their significant other have not worked out for one reason or another. When a breakup occurs, both partners usually suffer. Everyone has to learn to re-build personal boundaries, to defend their self-sufficiency and individuality. All this is not so easy to do, especially when a lot of misunderstandings, grievances, and claims accumulate in the soul.

How long will it take to recover?

There are no clear deadlines for how long each stage will last after a breakup. It depends on the character of the person, the level of affection of the partners, the reason for separation and many other factors. Some people manage to “cure” from love in a few days. And some people return to a certain stage again and again or stay at it for years.

The acute period of “illness” usually lasts about a month. And a year after the breakup, it’s time to completely let go of the past. During this time, all important personal events will occur without your old partner: birthdays, New Year's holidays and other significant moments. And a fresh life cycle will begin, the countdown of a new reality.

Tips on how to get over a breakup with your loved one

The most difficult period after a breakup is the first month. At this time, emotions overwhelm, and the open mental wound hurts unbearably.

You shouldn’t suppress your feelings; it’s quite normal to express your feelings, for example:

• cry;
• be angry with or hate your ex-partner;
• suffer, feel sorry for yourself;
• think about revenge and abandon such plans;
• laugh at your own stupidity;
• dive into memories.

Scientists say that tears help overcome stress. Emotionality eases suffering. You don’t have to go through everything alone; you can discuss the breakup with a close friend. And if necessary, with a psychologist or psychotherapist. For communication, it is better to choose a person who will treat the situation with a slight degree of indifference. There’s definitely no point in escalating the situation. It is advisable that each emotion does not “gnaw at the soul” for more than a week.

Psychologists advise getting rid of symbols of life together: a trinket given for Valentine's Day, a common portrait, and even a wedding dress. The main thing is not to throw away your favorite thing during an attack of obsession and not to spoil the necessary property. It's time to buy new bed linen or shoot at a portrait of your ex-partner at the shooting range. If negative feelings persist, you can buy a punching bag. Such a target is perfect for throwing out negative emotions.

It is appropriate to add a man from the past to the “black list”. Do not write to him on social networks or call him on his mobile phone. You can make him a friend, but it’s appropriate to do this later. When a wave of uninvited feelings does not arise from memories of a past breakup.

Common Mistakes

Actions that absolutely cannot be performed after a breakup:

• Keep your emotions inside. It is useful to give free rein to your feelings. This makes it easier to survive insult and betrayal and restore peace of mind. But you shouldn’t constantly tell everyone unpleasant things about your ex-partner.
• Constantly strive for loneliness. Being left alone with your problems is harmful. After all, close people, neighbors, friends, children, animals give warmth and distract from unnecessary thoughts.
• Blame yourself for everything that happened. This should not be done, even if you had to initiate the breakup.
• Think about the past. Fueling anger, resentment, hatred and other negative feelings is the road to an emotional “hole.” Visiting your ex’s page on social networks, constantly reviewing shared photos and videos is a path to self-destruction.
• Ignore deteriorating health. Ending a love relationship is a serious stressor. During this difficult period, chronic diseases may worsen, problems in the functioning of the heart, blood vessels and gastrointestinal tract may begin. Insomnia is often observed, appetite decreases, and the nervous system suffers. The appearance of a disease is a serious reason to consult a specialist.
• Immediately after the breakup, start a new serious relationship. But light flirting and a small affair are not prohibited.
• Trying to get everything back. The most disappointing forecast for a future together is for couples in which the departure of one of the partners occurs deliberately. He knows exactly the reason for his “escape” and plans his future life in advance. In this case, there is no need to try in every possible way to bring back the past; it’s time to let go of your loved one. Threats, promises or persuasion will not have the desired effect if the partner has made a deliberate decision to leave.

It’s not for nothing that they say that time heals. Losses strengthen and fill life with new events. It is important to realize that a breakup is not the end of the world or a deep misfortune. This is a temporary test that you need to endure in order to become wiser and stronger. After all, the nervous system is so fragile, and life is too short.