Attachment: what is it? Emotional and verbal attachment, reactive disorder and disorders, feeling in adults

Attachment to a person is not always love. There are a number of differences between these similar feelings. Surely each of us has felt a strong sympathy for someone: you saw a person, met him, talked, and immediately liked him. As a result of longer communication, you may have the thought: “This is really him, the long-awaited one!” Daily communication with someone you like brings a sea of bright emotions. You are psychologically comfortable and you are gradually getting used to the person, but is there love in this case? The question is complex.

Do you love or just need someone?

Definition of the concept

Attachment is the need for another person's love. How often do we begin to not only expect such manifestations of feelings in our direction, but even become offended and angry when attention is not focused on our person. These are the fears of an insecure person who does not know his worth. Attachment to a person, in essence, reflects our own attitude towards ourselves and life in general. It has been noticed that the more a person loves himself, the less he feels the need for other people. That is, strong attachment is always synonymous with personal distress, lack of confidence in one’s strengths and capabilities.

Is it good when we feel affection?

Before thinking about whether it is good or bad that we are attached to someone, we must first answer the question - to whom are we attached? After all, the answer to this question determines whether it is good or bad that we experience such feelings for someone.

There is the first situation - when there is attachment to a really close person. Let's go to your husband. Obviously, since you are already married and married, then this person is not a stranger to you (although such cases do happen). And in this case, your dependence on your husband is completely normal and should not cause any concern.

After all, when people are constantly together, living and sharing everyday life, of course they mentally, mentally and spiritually connect themselves with another person, and every day they can no longer imagine life without a soul mate. Over time, if harmonious relationships develop in the family, this attachment grows and strengthens, and it is positive.

Another case is when a girl becomes attached to a young man who has just started courting her. There is already a very big risk here, and most likely she will get involved in something very bad. After all, men (and women, in fact, too) quite easily read the dependence of another - and begin, consciously or unconsciously, to use the other person for their own purposes. Manipulate and force your desires.

Do you know what your compatibility with a man is?

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Therefore, if a girl feels that she is starting to get attached, the optimal solution would be to grab herself and run! Yes, just to run, and mentally say that this man is not yet my husband, and has not done anything particularly to prove that I should open up to him and give all of myself. At the initial stage of a relationship, this is almost always very detrimental to the future fate of the couple.

How is this feeling formed?

The origins of any manifestations of trouble should always be sought in childhood. If an adult suffers excessively without the presence of a spouse or child in their life, and is afraid to be separated from their parents, this means that there is some problem. Perhaps when he was a child, his parents did not pay enough attention to him. And now he is trying to compensate for this dislike, trying to be needed by everyone he can: his other half, his own child. But such an omission cannot be corrected over time: everything must be done on time, and love too. It is very important to go through all the stages of love gradually, so as not to confuse the relationship later and not add unnecessary insults and misunderstandings.

Painful focus on someone interferes with development, the formation of prospects for the future, and impedes personal growth. Attachment to a person sometimes infringes on one’s own interests and forces one to look for ways to preserve the relationship. There is no need to get too attached; you need to have some personal space: live on your own and allow others to build their destiny at their own discretion.

Lack of self-love

If a person does not nourish himself with a feeling of love, then he will feel a lack of warmth, tenderness and harmony. He will try to fill the inner emptiness from the outside. For some people, this manifests itself in the fact that they pour out all their love on their partner, as if telling him: “I want you to do the same for me, otherwise I will suffer!” For some, this results in adoration of their children - literally showering them with their love. This is how parents unconsciously try to fill themselves up at the expense of their children. “I love you, love me too!” For some, it comes not through a feeling of love, but through substitutes. For example, a person may try to feel love, tenderness and acceptance through sex. And then this results in the emergence of multiple disorderly connections. This pattern of behavior is, of course, more characteristic of men than women.

For some, this behavior manifests itself in smoking, addiction to alcohol, computer games - that is, all activities that give momentary pleasure. If a person does not fill himself with a feeling of love, then he will try to get this feeling from the outside world by any means.

One of my clients who jumped from relationship to relationship did not understand one simple truth. When she got into her first relationship, she loved her partner completely and completely - giving him her love. He didn't give her anything in response. She didn't like it. The relationship fell apart. In other relationships, on the contrary, she received this love from him, and such relationships also did not last long. She felt like she was in a cage. She did not respect such a man, as she considered him weak and clinging to her. She could have jumped from relationship to relationship ad infinitum if we had not begun to develop a feeling of love directed towards ourselves.

Attachment in a relationship with a man arises only because a woman wants to receive tenderness from him, realizing that she cannot give it to herself. For example, when he speaks kind words to her, or strokes her body, or somehow expresses love for her in some other way, she feels fulfilled. But such filling cannot fill her bottomless abyss.

If a person does not fill himself with a feeling of love, then no external substitutes will help. Since the external drink always remains external, without penetrating far into the depths of the personality. And the inner drink always remains inside. If we do not develop a feeling of love for ourselves, then various attachments will arise, to men, to relatives, to our child, to our work, to shopping, and so on.

Remember Michael Jackson, the whole world adored him, but he said that “I am the loneliest man on earth.” Why? Because loneliness is not the number of connections, friends, and depth of communication with others, but the depth of fulfillment from oneself.

When you are with yourself, how do you feel? Good, nice, comfortable? Or do you need someone to recharge?

Bowlby's attachment theory

A British scientist identified 4 types of predisposition to the development of the inability to live without another person. John Bowlby mainly looked at the relationship between mother and child, but this model also makes sense to consider in the light of the interaction of adults with each other. He called the first type of attachment secure. Its essence is as follows: in a relationship, reasonable boundaries have been reached between the adult and the needs of the child. The parent does not infringe on the personality of his child in any way; he allows him to grow fully and gain the necessary knowledge. It must be said that this type of attachment is the most constructive of all, since it does not hinder development or cause suffering.

Anxious-avoidant behavior demonstrates the child’s dependence on the parent, creates deep feelings in the event of separation from him, and the inability to be alone for even a short time. Emotional attachment is very strong. Due to the fact that the parent shows little emotion, the child is afraid to express his own feelings out loud, and a fear of intimacy arises. As they grow older, such children experience significant difficulties in building personal and friendly relationships, since they constantly feel that others are not interested in them, which leads to doubts about their worth.

The ambivalent-resistive position is manifested by a great fear of the unknown. A person puts obstacles for himself on the path of self-knowledge and self-improvement. Uncertainty and shyness are a consequence of childhood upbringing, when parents did not recognize the child’s obvious merits and did not praise him for his courage, so he became extremely shy.

The disorganization-controlled position includes all of the above manifestations and is characterized by inconsistency of actions, frequent mistakes, lack of recognition of one’s value, fear, and obsessive states. Bowlby's attachment theory demonstrates the origin of such a phenomenon as painful psychological dependence on another person. Such relationships always destroy feelings.

Life plans

Sometimes, when in a relationship, women imagine a wonderful fairy tale about how their life will be. Even seeing any inconsistencies, they manage to adjust reality to their own scenario. This is why the feeling of irritation is so strong when something goes wrong. Of course, thoughts of separation and depression were hardly part of the original plans. This is why women have questions: “How will I live without him?”, “How to get rid of attachment to a man?” Psychologists give the answer to your questions: you will live a great and happy life. The main thing is to remember that happiness does not come to young ladies whose eyes are swollen from tears, offended and angry. Continue to make plans for life after a breakup - despite your worries and depression. Be sure to believe that your true happiness will happen!

Practical recommendations will help you understand that you are attached to your companion.

A girl who is dependent on a man (attached to him) constantly wants to be close to her partner. She is tormented by obsessive thoughts about where and with whom he is.
Ex on a man's appearance. They are fascinated only by his pumped up torso, white-toothed smile, dimples on his cheeks, and not by his spiritual component. This aspect characterizes affection, not love.
It is easy to distinguish the two feelings by observing the general condition. If you notice that at first you begin to be interested in a man, and the next moment you practically forget about him - this is attachment.
Many girls in relationships constantly experience a lack of love and tenderness. If you truly love, feelings literally begin to warm you from the inside. Such couples can overcome anything.
Brief observations will help you understand that you are attached to a man. If you have abandoned hobbies, work and other stages of personal growth, feelings are not love. You have become immersed (attached) not to your own “I”, but to your gentleman.
Attachment is also characterized by a sharp reduction in the number of people with whom close contacts were maintained just yesterday. Often a girl cannot experience positive emotions when communicating with friends and colleagues, because she is completely captivated by her betrothed.
As mentioned earlier, love helps to overcome all obstacles without developing depression. Attachment, in turn, causes excessively negative emotions during separation. Many girls experience enormous stress when their partner is not around for 2-3 hours.
A sober look at behavior in a quarrel will help you distinguish affection from love. If you only want to argue and not find a compromise, the relationship is doomed to failure. Balanced couples always have constructive dialogues.
If you and your boyfriend don’t sit around on cozy evenings with a bottle of wine, discussing plans for the future, you can assume that there is no love. Strong connections imply constant discussions and desires, common dreams.
Symbiotic attachment is characterized by complete dissatisfaction of one’s own needs, even the most basic ones. At this time, the needs of the vampire partner are fully realized.

Important!
It should be emphasized that actions a la “I love you!”, committed at the beginning of a relationship, are the norm. In this case, people still get used to each other, so attachment is not considered painful, dependent. The main difference is that a lover finds a place in his life for connection, while an attached partner replaces his own existence with new relationships.

Attachment has a detrimental effect on the human essence. When a girl experiences violent feelings towards a man, she forgets about herself. This is where problems with personal growth (spiritual and material) begin, apathy and uncertainty appear.

Method number 1. Find a passion

A hobby is a powerful tool that allows you to find peace of mind in a short time. Go to nature, sit down and think about what you have been dreaming about for many years? Have you ever wanted to go to the gym, but didn’t have enough money? Take your savings set aside for your next gift to your partner and go in for sports.
Haven't gone on vacation for over a year? Get together with your friends and go to Europe for a week. Set goals for yourself, don't stop there. Start taking courses in Spanish or English; these languages occupy leading positions in speaking and writing in the world.
An excellent option for distraction and complete concentration on yourself is the choice of an active hobby. This includes absolutely everything: snowboarding, skiing, skating, cycling, karting, rock climbing, swimming. If you consider yourself to be a brave person, jump with a parachute or rope.
Live for your own pleasure, take care of your own well-being, learn to invest in the future. Sign up for popular courses, this could be manicure and pedicure, cutting and sewing, photography and wood carving courses.
At this stage, your main task is to think about yourself and fill the day to the maximum. If you get very tired, thoughts about your man will begin to fade into the background.
Get together with friends more often, visit cinemas, bowling, and a water park. Make it a habit to regularly go for walks, go out of town for barbecues, and attend excursions.

Method number 2. Get a pet

As mentioned earlier, the feeling of attachment is caused by the fear of being alone. The girl directs all her love, tenderness and care to the man, forgetting about her own needs. To avoid a disastrous outcome, get a pet.
The choice depends on individual preferences. A dog requires time, care and patience. A cat can be alone at home; it also needs affection and constant care. If we talk about parrots, they are cheerful, talkative and unpretentious.
A new companion will relieve you of loneliness, especially at first, which is what you want to achieve. It is important to direct feelings to those who need it. In this case, you will not lose yourself, gaining peace of mind.

Method number 3. Travel more

Ask your boss for a vacation. Spend it not with a young man, but with friends or colleagues. You can also go abroad in splendid isolation.
Consider beach resorts if you haven't swum in the sea for a long time. Lovers of sights and small streets are recommended to purchase excursion tours.
You don’t need to invest all your money on your vacation, just choose a last-minute trip on the Internet, pack your suitcase 3 hours before departure and hit the road.
Many girls do not have a foreign passport. In this case, go on a mini-tour to the cities of your country. Visit distant relatives, visit friends in a neighboring city.
Take a camera, take a lot of pictures, print them out when you arrive and decorate the walls. At this stage, the main task is to search for new experiences and inspiration.

Method number 4. Analyze your thoughts

Take up meditation. Take a hot herbal bath, turn on some calm music, close your eyes and relax. Think about what exactly you want to get from your partner? Many people cannot interpret their own thoughts, which is considered a serious failure.
If you are in harmony with your mind, the answer will not be long in coming. A girl attached to a man fills the spiritual emptiness with her current relationship. She is looking for any means of dependence, putting herself in bondage voluntarily.
Such an attitude towards a man does not characterize love. Try filling in the gaps using other available methods described above. Fight apathy, do not be led by uncertainty and boredom.
Many girls want to break up with a man, but cannot do it. In such situations, addiction requires the intervention of a qualified specialist.

Method No. 5. Take care of yourself

It's time to take care of your own appearance. Go to the mirror, evaluate your figure, hairstyle, makeup, smile and posture. Are you satisfied with everything? Maybe you don't like the lack of proper hair and nail care? Or don’t like the condition of your skin or the extra folds at your waist? It's time to correct the situation!
Join a gym or sports school. Consider interesting sections (again, as a hobby). Latin American dancing, breathing exercises, stretching, martial arts, swimming pool, and yoga are considered effective areas.
Review your wardrobe. Throw in the trash or give to friends those things that don't fit well. Get rid of old shoes, bags, cosmetics. Choose a beautiful outfit, sexy lingerie, and high-heeled shoes. Small purchases like these will inspire you and make you feel like a woman.
Give meaning to the perfume you wear. It should not be repulsive or harsh. Give preference to light, subtle scents. Tidy up your hair, dye your hair, change your look.
It is important to understand that investing in your appearance will remind you of the old days when you lived only as yourself. It is always worth having a bit of selfishness so as not to infringe on your own interests. Spend your time usefully, go shopping every month.

It is quite difficult to get rid of attachment to a person if it is caused by a number of psychological aspects. First, analyze your own thoughts, learn to say goodbye to people. Invest in your spiritual component, watch your appearance. Develop financially, get a pet, travel more.

Affection or love?

When does love become addiction? Where is the line separating true relationships from those that force a person to act as a beggar? Understanding this issue is not as simple as it might seem at first glance.

The most difficult of all are human relationships. Attachments, whatever they may be, sometimes bring great suffering.

A lover constantly needs his partner to assure him of his boundless love, to demonstrate endless tenderness and fidelity. If this does not happen, doubts, suspicions, unfounded accusations, and jealousy begin. This happens only because a person is extremely unsure of himself and somewhere deep down in his soul doubts that he can be loved at all. True feeling is free from demands, arrogant talk and fear. Love wants to give itself, to manifest itself in endless care for a loved one and does not require anything in return.

Letting go of attachments: stop taking your condition from outside

People can be very rich on the outside, but on the inside they are very empty.

! I'm not saying to throw away everything external, let it be - it doesn't bother anyone.

Just stop boosting your mood with external objects and paraphernalia

For example, the idea of a guy having a girlfriend makes him feel better every day. He needs to stop thinking about the fact that he has a girlfriend from the very beginning of the day. as much as possible from the idea that you have anything in this world.

. Find a small moment in your head that allows you to enjoy and discard it. You just stop thinking about him. You just stop enjoying it.

Do it all little by little, not all at once. It's like a diet.

You will feel worse at first

. But it is necessary. Throw away attachments from your life, no matter how hard it may be at first.

Live by the idea that you are already okay

. You keep throwing away and removing attachments from your life.

You have a loved one, but you should not extract emotions from him in order to improve your fortune.

Over time, you will learn not to think that you have it. At the same time, you will not be afraid of losing it. Ultimately, you will be able to get rid of love addiction. You no longer need to suck fortunes from somewhere, because your condition is already better

. Thanks to self-development, you find the reasons why you depend on something, throw them away - this increases your inner state, your inner self-esteem. You begin to love yourself more and be more independent.

How to recognize an unhealthy relationship?

Painful attachment is always a limited self-perception. It seems to people that they are not loved, but in fact they themselves do not show interest in themselves, do not take advantage of opportunities that could benefit them, take them to a new level of development. A person experiencing a state of acute attachment does not value himself as a person. That’s why he needs someone else to compensate for his own drama in this love.

It turns out to be a vicious circle. The phrase “I can’t live without you” is often used. In this case, you always want to ask: “How did you live before meeting your loved one? Did they really vegetate, endure hunger and cold?” Even if you owe something to a specific person, you need to learn to live independently so as not to feel like you are being led all your life.

Test

It is necessary to conduct the psychological test “Love and affection in relationships” if you doubt your partner’s feelings and yours. Answer questions as honestly as possible.

The test consists of 8 points, select the desired letter, then calculate the total points and read the results:

How do you feel when you meet your loved one on the street, at university, or see that he is online on social networks? A) My heart beats quickly, I’m embarrassed - 3 B) I’m very worried, but I calm down quickly - 1 C) I don’t notice it right away, sometimes I can pass by - 0.
How quickly did your romance develop? A) They fell in love at first sight - 1. B) They got to know each other for several weeks - 2. C) The romance developed carefully, slowly, the first kiss happened a month later - 3.
What attracts you most in a partner? A) Appearance - 1. B) Internal content - 3. C) Wealth (money, career) - 0.
When you break up for a long time, how do you feel? A) I’m very worried, I miss you - 3. B) I don’t notice the separation - 0. C) I’m jealous, I think that she (he) is cheating on me - 1.
How does your partner influence you and your personal development? A) I do strange things, I’m disorganized - 1. B) I’m developing, trying to be more educated, well-read - 3. C) I don’t notice any changes - 0.
Does your partner have flaws? A) Yes, but they touch me, we are trying to get rid of them together, adapt to each other - 3. B) No, he (she) is ideal - 1. C) Yes, and this really infuriates me, irritates me - 0.
How do you feel about your relationships? A) We have little in common, probably they are not destined to last long - 0. B) I want my partner to devote his entire time to me, to be constantly nearby - 1. C) We both believe that we are made for each other , we are thinking about a future together - 3.
If your partner falls in love with another person and leaves, how will you feel? A) Hatred, rejection, resentment. I’ll definitely find a way to take revenge - 1. B) Pain, but I can overcome it, because it will be better for him (her) than living with an unloved person - 3. C) Nothing, it’s high time to end this relationship - 0.

We suggest you familiarize yourself with Urine collection by the hour in the hospital

Test results: 1-6 points You definitely do not have serious feelings for your partner. This is a temporary shelter, you are probably waiting for someone else. It is better for you to break up now and start looking for true love. 7-10 points Your sympathy for each other is like a habit or a strong attachment. Most likely, this is a selfish feeling.

Negative consequences

We have already figured out how excessive attachment can interfere with personal growth. Negative phenomena such as self-doubt and low self-esteem are inevitable consequences. And what is the result? The individual gets lost in the flow of his own fears, and at some point it simply becomes impossible for him to move forward. And it all starts with self-dislike. If a person is able to think about his well-being and engage in self-education, then his life changes for the better.

What is attachment? Signs of this feeling

Affection is similar to love and is a deep emotional connection. When we spend a lot of time with a person, receiving support and warmth from him, we become attached to him and are afraid of losing him. We literally absorb his feelings, get used to his behavior and lifestyle.

Let's give a specific example. A girl moves to a new city; Moving is undoubtedly stressful. After some time, she meets a guy who tries to console her and make her life more beautiful. He helps her get a job, spends a lot of time with her, provides moral support, and furnishes her apartment.

Accordingly, this guy becomes irreplaceable, especially if he looks after you beautifully and says how long he has been waiting for such a beautiful lady. The girl feels better: she is no longer alone, but with a reliable friend. How does attachment manifest itself in this case? She became comfortable with this young man, he helped her and became simply irreplaceable.

How to overcome unrequited love?

This fate most often befalls those who have not learned to value their own personality. It’s as if these people are being given a test, as a result of which they must regain their lost individuality and learn to understand what is important to them.

Many unhappy lovers are interested in how to get rid of attachment, which only causes suffering? Advice will not help here; you must definitely go through the all-encompassing pain that literally tears your heart in half. When the tears dry up, people come to the realization that they didn’t really love, but it seemed so to them, because there was nothing to fill life without this drama. All you need to do is find yourself a new meaning of existence.

Remove attachment to a man, practice

What can you do right now to remove your attachment to a man or make it less?

Learn to give as much love, tenderness and warmth as you need. If you want a man to caress you more and show you more sexual attention, you can do the same for yourself. Mentally in your head, or using physical influence on your body, take care of yourself. The main thing you need is to learn to enjoy attention to yourself and fill your body with tenderness and warmth. And you can really learn this; there is nothing difficult about it. When you were little, you mastered this skill perfectly.
You can also use not only bodily sensations from your body, but also desires. After all, everything that happens to us is our doing. And we create ours in reality through our desires. If men in our lives do not behave as we would like, or we do not like our behavior, this means that we ourselves wished for this. I explain in detail how wishes work in the video:

With that, I wish you a good day, productive work. Love yourself and the world around you and be happy.

Why is it so important to love yourself?

An adequate perception of one’s own personality is the key to success in any endeavor. Self-love provides many benefits and, above all, a powerful inner core. Then, no matter what happens, a person will know that any problems can be solved, there is no global catastrophe that cannot be corrected. A person only becomes truly free when he is able to take responsibility for everything that happens to him.

Thus, painful attachment to other people is not at all an indicator of strong love for them, but a consequence of a serious shortcoming, an omission in the formation of one’s own personality. To live happily, you need to be independent, to find inner freedom. And only then does it become possible to truly love.

Signs of violations

There are a number of symptoms in children that indicate a lack of attachment. These signs include the following:

Superficial charm. A child shows affection only when he wants to get something.
Affectionateness and affection towards strangers, even complete strangers.
Does not become attached to and does not trust his or her adoptive parents.
When communicating with parents, the child does not look them in the eyes, except for situations when he is lying.
Tries to manipulate people, wants to control everything around him.
Disturbs order, does not follow rules.
There are outbursts of anger and hysterics.
Increased interest in occult topics.
There is cruelty towards animals and aggressiveness towards people.
A tendency towards self-harm is revealed.
The child often lies, steals and pretends.
There is no responsibility for one’s actions and shifts it onto others.
Increased impulsiveness, lack of self-control.
There are sudden mood swings.
Does not realize that certain actions can lead to a positive or negative result.
Has strange eating habits (hoards food, is gluttonous, has no appetite, etc.).
Suffering from enuresis or encopresis.
Has no friends or very few.
The child does not study well.
Often asks questions that don't make sense and talks a lot.
Always tries to exaggerate his importance.
Feels like a victim, and sees danger in others.

Certain scientists supplement this list with other symptoms, including:

sexual behavior inappropriate for age;
demandingness and “stickiness”;
sleep disturbance;
hyperactivity, increased vigilance;
delayed or impaired speech development;
being bullied by peers.

Territory of Happy Life

What should you do if your personal relationship has failed, but you just can’t free yourself from the emotional attachment to your departed love?

6 ways to help you get rid of it faster...

Alas, not every love lasts forever. Painful partings are one of those unpleasant parts of life that we all encounter sooner or later (usually from the outside), but they become even more unpleasant when the role of the rejected ones is not our friends or acquaintances, but ourselves. Nothing in this world can prepare us for the feeling that comes over us when someone you still have a strong emotional attachment to no longer loves you (or maybe never did). If you find yourself in such a situation, you may feel on the sidelines of life, abandoned and alone, and these feelings sometimes turn out to be so strong that you may well convince yourself that you will never meet someone you can love again.

But in reality this is not the case at all, and you should practice more positive thinking, reminding yourself as often as possible that life is not over, even if it seems so to you, and that there will be bright days and good friends in it , and even love. Yes, this can be very, very difficult, because you crave attention and approval from someone who will never give you either. However, in our lives there are practically no hopeless situations, and this is by no means an exception. The tips collected in this article will help you free yourself from emotional attachment to someone whose love for you has faded completely and irrevocably. But remember, all these methods only make your path to freeing yourself from emotional attachment easier, so don’t expect immediate results from them.

So, here are 6 ways to free yourself from emotional attachment to someone who no longer loves you:

Start dating and meeting new people.

It doesn't matter whether you feel ready for it or not. I’ll tell you one secret - no one ever feels fully ready for a new personal relationship after a breakup, especially a painful breakup. But still, try to overcome yourself, because the positive side of looking for a new relationship is that in the process you constantly meet new people. Not all of them will remain in your life for a long time, and even those who remain will not necessarily become your new “soul mate,” but you may well find wonderful people with whom you will develop strong and true friendships. In addition, the more diligently you surround yourself with new people, the more you will find in them the attention and approval that you are trying in vain to get from an emotionally unavailable person. However, in an attempt to forget about the breakup, you shouldn’t drag into your bed everyone who doesn’t mind. Most likely, you need emotional contact more than physical contact. So if you find yourself in a situation where you're making subtle (and not-so-subtle) hints to someone with whom you have no intention of developing a closer relationship, slow down a little and think carefully. Enjoy the company of your new friends as much and as often as possible.

Also read with this article: Forgive your parents sincerely

Give yourself time.

It’s not for nothing that the old proverb says that time heals. Even if it seems to you that everything is lost and your life is over, believe me, when several weeks and months pass, it will become much easier for you. You will see that life goes on, that you have a job, family and friends that are more than worthy of your attention and energy, and that you do not have to constantly mourn what is long ago and irrevocably over. But don't try to force yourself to feel good right after a breakup. Give yourself time to cry and grieve for your lost love. If you try to suppress these feelings, you will most likely succeed... for a while, after which they will return to you again - but much stronger. It is better to allow these feelings to burn out and weaken in your soul over time, because only this will allow you to ultimately free yourself from them and move on to the future.

Think about everything that went wrong in your relationship.

“Attachment is a powerful generator of illusions. Reality can be fully perceived only by those who are detached from it.” – Simon Vale

Surely there was something in your relationship that you don’t want to think about or remember, right? But we still advise you to remember them - because what could be a better argument in favor of the fact that you should free yourself from emotional attachment to your ex-partner than the memory of what led to the collapse of your relationship? Do you remember your last fight? Or about habits and personality traits that irritate you that developed and got worse until you could no longer tolerate them? By the way, at the same time, this is also a great way to free yourself from the guilt that you may be experiencing. Often, after a relationship breaks down, one of the partners takes full responsibility for it, although in most cases this is not the case. Remember that in any relationship there are at least two sides. In other words, the responsibility for ending your relationship lies not only with you, but also with your ex-partner.

Also read with this article: How to forgive an offense?

Become the best version of yourself.

When you are in a personal relationship with someone for a long time, you often lose your individuality - it seems to blur, becoming part of the essence of the couple, and when this relationship falls apart, you begin to feel like you are only part of a whole - a whole that no longer exists. Naturally, this leads to an emotional attachment to the person you remember “completed” you, even if the love that held you together is long gone. Think about what makes you unique and relevant in society, and try to realize your full potential - or try something completely new, for example, taking up a hobby that you haven't even thought of before. Pottery? Woodburning? Pilates? Eastern dance? A whole world of different activities opens up before you, into which you can immerse yourself, forgetting about your broken heart and the person who is no longer in your life, no matter how much you dream otherwise. Take care of yourself - first of all, because you most likely haven’t done this for a very, very long time. Remember that you are an individual and you have your own dreams and hopes that you can now achieve.

Close the chapter of an ending relationship in your life—forever.

It is difficult to resist the temptation to maintain at least some contact with your loved one - even if he does not love you at all. Exchanging text messages to see how he or she is doing, or calling pretending to be on the wrong number just to hear a familiar voice... These are all just our mind's attempts to instill a false sense of hope in you. A hope that will never come true. Forget about it. Remove your ex-love's phone number from your contact list, and stop following her on Facebook and Instagram. The more time you spend away from each other, the better you will feel. Stop living in the past, better get busy with the future!

Also read with this article: Affirmations by Louise Hay

Try to find new love.

Yes, now that you still have a strong and deep emotional attachment to your former love, this may seem impossible to you, but... life may well surprise you. And if your heart is open to new opportunities, you must give it the opportunity to realize them. Positive thinking should be your only motto for the near future. If you allow your negative thoughts to convince you that it's all over, that you've missed out on your soulmate forever, you won't have any motivation to move on in life. Instead, try to convince yourself that you are no less worthy of love than anyone else - real, big and pure love. So pick yourself up off the floor, dust yourself off, wash away your tears and allow yourself to love someone else. This is an excellent cure for unrequited feelings.

A few final words

Remember to evaluate and re-evaluate your feelings at every step of your journey.

Is this really what you need right now?
Are you making the right choices?
Are you in too much of a hurry?

Don't force yourself into situations that make you feel uncomfortable just because you feel like you have to. Healing from emotional attachment is a very individual process, so... listen to the voice of your heart, and you will succeed. Believe me, you will know when it is time for healing. Well, until this happens yet, be kind to yourself and don’t let bad thoughts fill your head. Positive thinking and the right worldview will certainly help you survive this dark period of your life, making it much shorter.

https://www.cluber.com.ua/

RRP in children

In children developing under normal conditions, reactive attachment disorder may develop due to mental characteristics.

Childhood reactive attachment disorder, or psychogenic autism, is diagnosed in children under 5 years of age, and symptoms may first appear in infancy. Their cause may be autism, anxiety disorder, or some other mental disorders.

The first symptoms of reactive disorder may be the child’s indifference and lethargy; he does not try to communicate with others: he does not coo, does not follow the toy with his eyes, does not cry, does not try to attract attention to himself. Sometimes such children are considered very “comfortable”; they do not scream, do not cry, play quietly with toys or sit for hours staring at the wall. They may not respond to hunger, soiled and wet clothes, and other inconveniences. In milder cases, children experience individual symptoms of the disorder - lack of expressed attachment to parents, lethargy or reluctance to communicate with others.

At older ages, RAD develops 2 main types of behavior:

Closed
Overly sociable.

In the first case, children avoid communication, they are not talkative, and strive to avoid tactile contact. They are also distinguished by lethargy and self-absorption.

Overly sociable children are gullible, they seem to have “blurred” or lack their own boundaries and they do not feel the boundaries of other people. They freely interact with strangers, can tell any information about themselves and their family, are intrusive and do not understand what they can and cannot talk about with strangers.