In life, every person makes mistakes, especially in childhood, when we are just beginning to meet, communicate and simply interact with other people, for example at school, in the yard, in groups, with relatives.
All people experience their mistakes, but not every person blames himself for breaking obligations or not meeting someone’s expectations. Not every person asks the question: how to forgive yourself for the past and get rid of painful memories? But only people with a certain type of psyche.
Fearing that they will “get into trouble” again, such people diligently avoid situations that remind them of what happened. Remembering their mistakes and awkward moments, they judge and blame themselves. They are trying to find the answer to the question of how to forgive themselves for the mistakes of the past.
What to do if you make mistakes that make you don’t want to live? When, at the sight of people to whom you are guilty, you want to ask and ask for forgiveness. But it’s impossible to forgive and let go of the past?
For more information on how to forgive yourself for the past, read the article “Mistakes of the past: do not forget so as not to repeat them.”
How to forgive past grievances?
What to do if you are offended? How to forgive an offense and let go of the past?
People who ask such questions are sensitive to injustice. In their opinion: “Since I am ashamed of my behavior, then you should be ashamed too! Everything should be equal. Why am I so afraid of offending everyone, but others don’t care about my feelings?”
All this injustice is accumulating. And there are moments when it’s difficult to control yourself, when an insult hurts, makes you defend yourself and be harsh.
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Today I would like to continue the topic of forgiveness and write about the most difficult type of forgiveness - forgiving yourself. Why forgive? It is necessary to forgive yourself. A person who cannot forgive and forget past mistakes carries a burden of worries and grievances, not allowing himself to move forward. Looks back, blocks the channels for new arrivals. To pour clean water into a glass, you need to empty it, wash it, dry it, and only then pour new, clean, spring water. And then she will be clean. Imagine, if you pour clean water into a dirty glass, what will happen to the water? And if there is already water in this glass, then we will not be able to pour anything into it at all. Likewise, our soul is a vessel that we simply need to regularly clean, dry and refill with clean, spring water. The only way! The question is often asked: “I can’t forgive, what should I do?”, “It’s hard to forgive, what should I do?” I want to answer with the words of my respected teacher Radislav Gandapas: “Don’t do anything, stay in the ass!” That's how it works. People come for advice, ask for help, and when you say: forgive yourself, let go of this mistake, forget that period, whining begins. So why do you come and ask for help? Continue to solve your problems the same way you solved them before. There is no other way to move forward. There is no happiness without love, and there is no love without forgiveness! Nobody said that forgiving, especially yourself and your mistakes, was EASY. I didn't promise you this. Forgiving is hard, difficult, sometimes even too much. BUT. “If you suffer for a long time, everything will definitely work out!” So go ahead, suffer! As they say: “Through thorns to the stars!” How to forgive In order to learn to forgive yourself or any other person, you need to learn to understand others. To understand means to forgive! You need to memorize it, get it into your head and notch it on your nose: AT THAT MOMENT YOU DID EVERYTHING YOU COULD! AT THAT MOMENT YOU WERE EXACTLY IN THIS STATE AND IN THIS SPIRITUAL LOCATION, AND YOU DID EVERYTHING POSSIBLE! You didn’t want to harm anyone, and even if you did, you couldn’t do it any other way. Well, you didn’t have enough knowledge and understanding at that time, understand this! THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT UNDERSTANDING ON THE PATH TO FORGIVENESS. It took me a long time to forgive myself, and sometimes moments come up for which I still forgive. What is important is DESIRE, a burning desire to forgive yourself, to get rid of resentment towards yourself. When there is a desire, you will use all methods, all possibilities and all resources, just to forgive yourself. And you will learn to forgive. The main thing is to learn this! I have several methods that I used in my time: 1. Write yourself a letter. I won't go into detail. I already wrote about this. I will only say that a letter can be written in any form, the main thing is that you write by hand and not on a computer. Reread, or better yet, rewrite it until you feel relief throughout your body. At one time I wrote a letter about 20 times. 2. Listen to self-forgiveness meditations! You can find it on the Internet, or you can write it down yourself. A small audio file, duration 20-25 minutes, calm music and words that promote forgiveness. You also need to listen to it until relief comes and the aching sensation in your soul goes away. 3. Talk to yourself. Every day, when you experience discomfort in your chest, tell yourself the words I wrote above. Your task is to convince your inner critic that YOU WERE DOING YOUR BEST AT THAT MOMENT. You are not to blame for anything, everything happened the way it happened. Everything happened for the better, because it was that situation that could teach you this, show you this and give you this. 4. Hoponopono. This technique is universal and very effective. When remembering any unpleasant event for which you cannot forgive yourself, repeat four phrases: “I’m very sorry!” "I'm sorry!" "I thank you!" "I love you!" I also added these phrases on my own because it was important to meforget and let go of past life situations: “I forgive myself!” “I accept myself!” “I approve of myself!” "I'm letting myself go!" "I love me!" There were moments when this phrase did not just fall from my lips, but screamed with my entire inner state. After these phrases and repeating them 10-20-50 times at a time, I felt much better, and then I realized that there was NO more nagging feeling in my soul in relation to this situation. This is how I was able to overcome almost ALL of my grievances! Goodbye insults! Forget grievances! Cleanse yourself of grievances! And go forward with a pure heart, a light spirit and an open soul!
PS I forgot to say that before the forgiveness procedure you need to get a handkerchief. There will be a sea of tears! Author: psychologist Ekaterina Kovaleva
How to forgive an offense and let go of the past?
It is possible to forgive the past, forget once and for all the mistakes of the past and unfair treatment towards you. Many people who have completed training in Systemic Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan have found solutions to painful situations. They were freed from many years of resentment, guilt and shame that had accompanied them throughout their lives.
Between the first and second lectures I suddenly realized that the feeling of guilt was gone! I have had feelings of guilt since childhood, aggravated by life circumstances. It worsened and became some kind of constant companion, an unreasonable feeling of guilt, and then suddenly - and no! This feeling is new for me even now. I even tried several times to specifically induce a feeling of guilt in myself - nothing worked, it went away Ainagul Imanbaeva, Kostanay
I had strong grievances against my parents, and no matter how hard I tried to improve the relationship, nothing worked. After their death, this hope disappeared completely, and I was torn by a feeling of resentment and guilt that I could not forgive them. After the training, these conditions went away completely, and I finally found peace of mind. Thank you, Yuri!” Iryna S.
“The simplest thing that goes away during the training: resentment, guilt, hostility towards other people. All the things that make you dwell on past bad experiences and prevent you from living in the present, all go away on their own. It’s an amazing feeling when you suddenly realize that these things no longer prevent you from enjoying life. Dmitry, Minsk
You can register for a free online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan here.
Infidelity as an incentive to change
When a woman gets married, she makes an unspoken promise to herself to belong only to a man. Let us pay attention to the fact that women in civil marriages consider themselves the wives of their cohabitants, while men, even in official marriages, do not consider themselves husbands. This perfectly illustrates the gender approach to infidelity:
- It will take a long time for a woman to decide to cheat. If it happens, the woman will not be able to quickly forget it. And if the betrayal was a mistake, then the lady will gnaw at her conscience for a long time.
- A man easily decides to cheat. At the same time, he easily forgets about her if it suddenly happens. He can either blame himself for what he did or pretend that everything is fine.
What will help a woman who cheated on her husband? The first moment is time. You won’t be able to forgive yourself quickly, no matter how hard you try to forget about everything.
There is no need to try to forget about your own betrayal. It's better to use betrayal as an incentive to change. Reevaluate your values, realize the motives that pushed you to betray, begin to control your actions. Start changing yourself and your relationship with your spouse, which will allow you to quickly forget and let go of betrayal.
How often do you blame yourself for things you did in the past? One of the empty and unnecessary things that modern man does is that he torments himself with remorse. Actions are different. Even criminal acts can become forgotten if you allow yourself not to remember them. No one is without sin. All people make mistakes. Here you need to not “kill” yourself with thoughts about what bad you did.
They did it, that means they did it. It was and is gone. Leave the past if you don’t want to interfere with your own happiness. But if you begin to blame yourself for the actions of the past, then take responsibility for yourself - you yourself will be to blame in the future for living this time meaninglessly.
You need to understand one truth: at the moment when you committed the act, it was the only correct decision that you saw. At that moment there were special circumstances, conditions for making a decision. These conditions have now changed, so you may feel like you made the wrong decision. But in order not to engage in self-flagellation, you should understand that then the conditions were not as calm and comfortable as they are now. Then the decision you made was the only correct one of all possible in the conditions in which you found yourself. And now there is a chance to change the situation. Engage in changing the situation, not self-flagellation. You did the right thing then. Now start doing the right thing.
As long as you blame yourself for something that was done in the past, you are only wasting time. Maybe you don’t need to judge yourself?! Maybe you will do something more useful - start correcting the situation that you created in the past, or simply let go of the past and continue living without remembering anything.
The most empty and meaningless activity is to remember the past, which does not make you happy and makes you blame yourself. The memory of the past is not given for you to judge yourself. The memory of the past allows you to draw conclusions and gain experience. It all depends on you: what role will your memory’s ability to remember the past play for you? You can waste time beating yourself up and blaming yourself, or you can simply use your experience to avoid repeating mistakes.
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How to forgive someone and why it is so difficult to do
This is the third in a series of articles about working with grievances and forgiving yourself and others to achieve inner harmony.
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