Man, 33 years old, psychology. Psychological aspect of the 33-year-old crisis

Types of thirty-year-old bachelors

Based on statistical indicators, single guys of thirty years old are divided into three categories:

the first ones are still in search of the ideal partner;
the latter dream of starting a family, but do not see a suitable candidate;
still others are categorically against creating marital relations.

Men of the first category are engaged in a career, puzzled by material well-being. Until now, the need for a woman arose only for physical pleasure. An accomplished guy will want to see next to him a successful woman, ideal in all respects. If you can do it, build a relationship with such a person. If you see that in some ways you have not matured enough to meet his requests, change.
A man of the second category may turn out to be a mama's boy or a failure in life, unemployed. In addition, he may have a terrible character, which is why he is still single.
Men of the third category can greatly disappoint their partners. They prefer to be around their peers. They choose women with the same material level as theirs. Bachelors of thirty years old are strongly attached to their way of life, they are completely unwilling and even afraid to change something. When a woman commits her life to such a partner, she must be prepared for the fact that at first she will irritate him with her presence and her words. You need to be careful, come from afar, gradually become interested in his desires, successes and aspirations. You need to show with all your appearance that you are not interfering with his freedom in any way. If you choose this type, then be prepared for the fact that there will be a cat nearby who walks by itself.

He reveals his secrets

A very clear sign of falling in love is a man’s desire to share something intimate, secret, very important and trembling for him. He can tell some stories from his childhood that shaped him as a person, and also tell you about how his relationships with his parents, bosses and friends are. Although this is a controversial issue, he may even reveal some aspects from his past relationships in order to convey to his future partner what exactly touched him or what lesson he learned from them. All this is an attempt to demonstrate your inner world, hoping that it will be perceived as it is.

Don’t be surprised if a cool rocker is secretly engaged in floristry, and a dry and prudent businessman finances charitable projects without advertising his name. Every person has their own skeletons in their closet. If a young man decides to put one of these “surprises” on display, it means that he really cares about you and your opinion.

Why is the man still not married?

If you are familiar with the phrase “I’m 30 years old, and I’m not married and have no children,” most likely, one of the following reasons exists.

A handsome and successful, financially independent man can be single because he is busy searching for the ideal woman. He wants to see in her an impeccable housewife, a beautiful figure, excellent appearance. It is also important that the chosen one is actively involved in sports and has a successful career. A man is searching for his ideal, but life passes, the years fly by.
A guy who is happy with a relationship without commitment. He often starts affairs. Sometimes he agrees to a civil marriage. But, when it comes to the wedding, he breaks up with his partner and rejoices in his freedom.
A man is content to use women with low self-esteem for his own purposes. He does not seek to start a family, because he only needs girls to satisfy his physiological needs.
There is an opinion that you need to walk around, live for yourself, and still have time. However, over time, it becomes more and more difficult to find a life partner.
A man who for a long time had an unattractive appearance and did not enjoy the attention of women at all, as he approaches thirty, he finally begins to take care of himself. Such a guy could change, for example, lose weight or get rid of acne, change his glasses to contact lenses. Over time, his self-esteem will increase, and he will be able to start a serious relationship and start a family.
A guy who believes that being alone is his salvation. He is completely satisfied and does not want to let anyone outsider into his life.
Misogynist. This is a guy who has already had bad experiences with people of the opposite sex. Or, for example, girls at school bullied and ridiculed him, which caused a persistent feeling of hatred towards the female sex.
A man may simply be in search of true love and does not want to get married until he meets the one. Understands that an alliance created out of mutual sympathy will be long-lasting, feelings must be real.
Stops fear of responsibility for the family and, especially for the child, who will certainly be born quite quickly after marriage.
It’s a common case when parents cannot understand why “their son is 30 years old and still not married,” and they don’t realize that the whole reason is in their behavior, in their attitude towards him. It is they who are against all the girls that their son brings, all the contenders turn out to be unworthy of him. Situations are also possible when parents require a guy to have a mandatory union with a woman of the same religion or nationality.

Not getting married before 30 is a death sentence?

This opinion is outdated. Today, young people are in no hurry to enter into marital unions. If this was necessary in the time of our parents, now everything has completely changed. Men need to create a family consciously and, preferably, out of love. That is why they are not in a hurry to tie themselves into family ties too early. After all, many marriages committed before the age of 30 break up.
A man’s desire to first create conditions for a normal life, and only then start a family, is commendable. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with remaining single until you are thirty.
Perhaps the guy has not yet had enough time and in just a few years he will settle down and start a family.
It is easier to find a life partner after thirty among your peers, since at this age girls are no longer so picky and do not expect princes.
There is one type of man who is used to living for his own pleasure, satisfying his bachelor habits. He is reserved and likes to spend a lot of time at home on the computer while communicating virtually. Such a guy’s chance of remaining an eternal bachelor increases significantly. As a man grows older, he becomes lazy and does not want to change his usual lifestyle and does not want to start a family.
There is another type of male representatives who from time to time have relationships with girls or even live with them in a civil marriage, but are in no hurry to enter into a legal union, because they value their freedom. However, when they meet true love, they are ready to sacrifice it.

I have a friend who lived with a girl in a civil marriage for more than five years. When he was 31 years old, he decided to legalize the union. After they got married, the relationship began to deteriorate. Their union lasted no more than six months. And all because the woman decided that she had acquired the legal right to her partner, and could tell him how to live and constantly control him. In addition, the man wanted children, and she was pursuing a career.

Now you know what factors can influence the fact that a guy is not married for 30 years. There is no need to assume that this is due to a fear of starting a family. Most likely, the young man simply did not have time to walk around. You also need to respect the guy’s desire to first get on his feet so that he can then provide for his family.

Ideal from the ladies' point of view

The psychology of men should be considered from two sides. Therefore, the ideal of a man from a female point of view looks like this.

A strong man in every sense who knows how to admit his mistakes and correct them. It is also equally important to take responsibility for your words, actions and ability to perform deeds (sing a serenade or paint the nursery yourself).

Girls are attracted to young people who adhere to the traditional value system and treat them and their parents with respect. He is the head of the family, a support and a real strong wall.

The psychology of men, like women, is constantly being studied. After all, even a person who is familiar to every detail can give out a surprise at any moment. And this is the beauty of relationships!

Details about the crisis of 30 years: causes, symptoms and overcoming

At the age of 17, few young people seriously think about a midlife crisis. By the age of 30, every young man dreams of becoming a wealthy man, a serious family man, a mature personality with a certain list of achievements. But the closer the cherished date is, the more often doubts creep in: is everything going according to plan? Unfulfilled expectations hurt one’s self-esteem, drive one into depression, becoming the cause of the notorious crisis of 30 years. Is he as scary as they say he is? How to survive a midlife crisis without harm to your health?

Unfulfilled plans after reaching 30 drive you into depression

Midlife crisis in men. What is a midlife crisis in men?

Every man who has crossed the 30-year-old threshold can encounter this phenomenon. It usually occurs between the ages of 35 and 40-45. What is this connected with? With physiological changes, with the restructuring of the hormonal system, with the “maturation” of the personality.

Physiology

The body ages: gray hair appears at the temples, the hair is no longer so thick, and bald patches appear. The skin also loses its elasticity. Movements and actions no longer have the same speed as at 20-25 years old. The sins of youth make themselves felt - frequent parties with rivers of alcohol, smoked packs of cigarettes (and not only tobacco). Shortness of breath, tingling in the heart. A fanatical passion for sports reminds of itself with pain in the joints.

At the same time, in his mind the man still perceives himself as a 20-year-old young man, ready for exploits. He finds it difficult to accept his new, weaker physical form. These transformations are experienced more difficult than others by men who are dependent on female attention: “I’m becoming an old man! Young girls won’t be interested in me anymore.” For them this is a disaster, a loss of the meaning of life.

Hormones

When men experience a midlife crisis, they experience the male version of menopause. Their hormonal system begins to work differently. In particular, the amount of testosterone decreases sharply. Especially in men who drink a lot, smoke, and move little. It is this male hormone that is responsible for secondary sexual characteristics:

Hair growth and quality;
Distribution of body fat;
Potency and libido.

Hence problems with sex life (either you don’t want to, or you can’t), sparse or almost completely lost hair, excess weight, a “beer” belly, almost female breasts.

Psychology

Unlike women who, during the age crisis of 40 years, worry about their unsuccessful personal lives and unborn children, men evaluate their financial achievements. “Half of my life (and maybe more) has been lived, what have I achieved during this time?” Next comes a comparison and assessment of the assets of one’s own and other people:

Whether or not there is a house (apartment), a car;
Did you manage to create a business?
Do you have a bank account?
Where and with whom do I live;
Who do I work for?
Did you manage to achieve what you dreamed of in your youth?

A man also evaluates how satisfying his life is. And, focusing on satisfaction, he can devalue all his achievements. “I have an expensive car, a substantial account, two apartments in the capital and a small house in Spain. And what? I never became a musician. I didn’t create a rock band, I didn’t gather stadiums...”

And if there are no achievements - “I live in my mother-in-law’s apartment, I’ve been working as a mechanic at a factory or as an ambulance driver for twenty years, the only things I’ve acquired are chronic prostatitis and a constantly nagging wife? I didn't even receive an education. But at school I was the best in mathematics and won all the regional chess tournaments...”

That is, when assessing achievements or lack thereof, a man is usually initially pessimistic. Tends to devalue the pros and exaggerate the cons.

Causes and risk factors

The crisis of 30 years is a special point on the personal life map, a turning point in the fate of every man. This is the line that divides life into before and after. It’s time to take stock and realize the significance of your own existence. A natural transition from the stage of a youth to the age of a mature man. It is not surprising that at this time many men are lost in the surging sensations and do not know how to cope with the new awareness of themselves and their lives. What is the 30-year crisis and why does it occur?

Insolvency and failures in life - the causes of the crisis of 30 years

It is customary to identify several causes of a midlife crisis:

the impossibility of realizing long-conceived plans and fulfilling cherished desires;
financial insolvency;
professional failures;
lack of desired material benefits;
lack of family or poor relationship with spouse/lover;
health problems (including in the sexual sphere);
tense social situation.

The 30-year crisis: how to recognize it?

It is important to understand that the problem does not come suddenly. It doesn’t happen that exactly at midnight of his thirtieth birthday a man suddenly realizes: here it is, a crisis. Understanding the imperfection of the surrounding world and one’s own life, the collapse of hopes and expectations comes gradually. According to statistics, most men face a similar problem at the age of 27-34 years. To one degree or another, disappointment and sadness over unfulfilled dreams overtakes everyone, it’s just that not everyone finds the courage to admit it.

The main manifestations of the crisis of 30 years:

My ex-beloved's job is not happy

A man seriously reconsiders his life values and priorities. Feels that the once bright prospects are no longer inspiring.

A man experiences an acute feeling of self-pity, feels dissatisfaction with his own life, and makes claims to the existing world order.
Relationships with your spouse/lover become cool. The desire to spend time with the woman you love or children becomes less and less common. Sex becomes less frequent and does not always bring satisfaction.
A familiar and even once-loved job no longer pleases. The desire for career growth and change disappears.
A man gets the feeling that he has driven himself into a trap and cannot get out of it. This is complemented by a clear sense of the general injustice of life. Life is seen in gray colors.
There is a general feeling of fatigue, apathy, and emptiness.

It is not immediately possible to recognize a midlife crisis. Many men are not at all aware that their behavior and attitude towards the world has changed. You can suspect a problem based on some characteristic signs. According to statistics, most men are in crisis:

Family relationships become cool

They complain about life, work, bosses, family.
They note that relationships with family and friends have become strained and cold.
They realize that hobbies and usual entertainment are not pleasing.
They do not feel the desire to earn money, they do not feel the desire for career growth or success.
They spend a lot of time at the computer, on social networks, and in front of the TV.
They refuse to recognize their achievements and devalue previous successes.

Not everyone manages to get through a midlife crisis without loss. Pressed down by the burden of problems, many men seek solace at the bottom of a glass, go into the world of computer games or spend all their free time on the couch in front of the TV. In an attempt to increase self-esteem, men often seek solace on the side by cheating on their spouse. All this complicates an already difficult situation, creates a new round of problems and does not allow you to quickly get out of the trap created by consciousness.

There is another tendency to overcome the crisis of 30 years. In this state, some men are capable of very unusual actions. Their behavior becomes eccentric, not typical of serious adults. Extreme sports, travel to the ends of the world, unusual acquisitions, unexpected activities - all this is the lot of men aged about 30. It is worth noting that changing your usual lifestyle sometimes really helps you get out of a crisis and find your place in life, taking into account changed circumstances.

How to help?

To avoid such problems, you should follow some simple rules:

Harmony in the family helps overcome the crisis

Peace and harmony in the family is the first thing to achieve. At this time, a man needs all the love and care of loved ones more than ever before. A home to which you can return after a hard day is what you need for inner harmony and peace. Support, understanding, sympathy (but without outright pity) - this is what will help a man get out of the crisis with minimal losses for himself.
Minimum stress, and this applies not only to family relationships. If the news on TV makes you depressed, you need to turn off the TV. If your boss is causing you to have a nervous breakdown, you should think about changing jobs. There is no need to waste your life on people who are unpleasant, do things you don’t like, and expose your nervous system to unnecessary overload during this difficult period.
Work and rest schedule. No matter how trite it sounds, a full 8-hour sleep is the key to a good mood and vigor for the whole day. A person who does not get enough sleep is unlikely to be able to cope with a crisis and regain the joy of life.
New hobby. If your previous hobbies do not please you, you should find another activity. Moreover, it is also a good way to meet new interesting people and look at the world differently.

A change of scenery allows you to look at the world in a new way

New perspectives, anticipation of change - all this returns a man to the joy of life, makes him move forward, realize himself in a new capacity and understand that his personal story does not end there.

Is it possible to build a relationship after 40 years

Every woman over forty keeps her personal love story. One is divorced, the second has become a widow, the third has never been married. The first, after an unsuccessful marriage, is afraid to meet her unworthy other half again. Another, having lost her ideal life partner, is sure that she will never meet such a person again. The third is accustomed to independence and fears marriage like fire. There is also a fourth woman - a happy and beloved woman in the family, an accomplished mother, and maybe already a caring grandmother.

Let's talk about the first three “sisters under the window”.
Solitude is only useful from time to time. This is actually a sad fact. A lonely woman cannot be happy. Therefore, it is very important to search and find your other half. After all, relationships after 45 years give a feeling of harmony and calm, and the woman in them forgets about all her problems and troubles. Finding love at this age is not easy. Many fall in love every day, but only a few find their other half. Let's consider the essence of the relationship problem after 40 years and the features of building a harmonious age union.

Negative beliefs often get in the way of starting a love affair with the opposite sex. Many women of Balzac's age have very limited views on love, dating and men in general. But the situation can always be changed in a positive direction.

Psychology of men at 30 years old

As men go through their journey of growing up, they change both externally and internally. Although many are stubbornly confident that the male gender does not change, nevertheless, at 20, and at 30, and at 40, a man thinks differently and is no longer similar to his former self.

The age of 30 is the most sober and conscious age for men. What are thirty-year-old men looking for? That's right, stability, and stability in everything. It is during this period that a man gets tired of endless meaningless dates and begins to seriously think about starting a family. At the same time, he looks at a woman as a comprehensively interesting person. He treats his chosen one with care and reverence. And when choosing a family or a career, men give preference to the first. But you should be wary of the fact that if a woman ceases to be attractive to a man and he becomes bored, he will easily go “to the left.” Let's try to figure out how the psychology of men changes by the age of 30.

Attitude to the fair sex and the surrounding world

The psychology of men in relation to representatives of the fair half of humanity largely depends not only on upbringing, social environment, but also on a certain psychotype.

But, undoubtedly, there are common features that characterize an adult, mature man. First of all, this is independence. He himself is responsible for his actions, acts without the interference of others. Also, an adult man is distinguished by external and internal confidence in his strengths and capabilities.

A man is a protector and support not only for women, but also for people who are weaker than him physically or psychologically. His self-sufficiency will not allow him to assert himself at the expense of others. Caring for others only makes a man stronger and freer.

Also an important quality is responsibility for your words and actions. But at the same time, a mature man does not take on someone else’s guilt. He is demanding of himself, first of all, knows how to control his desires and keeps impulses and unwanted emotions in check.

An adult is also distinguished by psychological literacy and the ability to properly build working and friendly relationships.

Psychological characteristics of a thirty-year-old

In psychology, it is accepted that until a man reaches the age of 30, he takes care of himself: he looks for himself, has fun, and engages in certain activities. 30 years of age affects men like a click. They begin to try to stabilize in all areas of life.

The topic of marriage is quite sensitive for men: if he was not married before the age of 30, then after this age it will be much more difficult to decide on such a step. When arranging their personal life, many find it difficult to give up the usual rhythm of single life and habitual habits.

During this age period, views on the opposite sex also change. A man no longer looks at a woman as a sexual object with a beautiful and impressive appearance. Simplicity, desire for success, skills and standard life skills are assessed. However, not all men in their thirties strive for a family. If before this time there has been no career growth or the realization of their intended goals, then they will only be aimed at achieving success. And marriage, as a rule, occupies the very last place on a man’s list of plans or is absent altogether.

Intimate life is not at the forefront at 30 years old. If young twenty-year-old guys do not miss a single skirt and try to fully realize themselves sexually, then at the age of thirty young people are already looking for a stable sexual partner. As a rule, this becomes the wife if the man is married or a certain girl. But the coin, as they say, has two sides. Quite quickly, sex with your wife becomes an automatic activity with increasing rarity. The monotony gets boring, and then all the most non-standard fantasies begin to emerge. If the spouse accepts them, then intimacy comes to life and is given new colors. But, if the other half is not ready for experiments, then husbands begin to look for satisfaction on the side.

Summarizing all of the above, the psychology of men at 30 years old has its own clear boundaries and positions. Definitely, a man becomes more mature both in his mind and in his actions. He still continues to strive to realize himself in all spheres of life and understands what a man should be. He strives to become a reliable support in his family, a good husband and father. And he continues to work hard on himself.

Common Mistakes

Many men from generation to generation are guided by incorrect ideas about what a “real man” should be. This mythical character has already ruined more than one relationship.

One of the common myths: a man should not be weak, that is, show fatigue, tears, mental pain and torment. You might as well say that the young man must be a robot! This statement is completely false. The stronger sex also has every right to sometimes feel weak and broken. Of course, you shouldn’t demonstrate such feelings to the whole world, but you definitely need to trust your beloved girl.

Also, do not skimp on kind words and compliments towards your wife or girlfriend. Usually, after several years of a relationship, passion and romance fade away and not only girls are to blame for this. Relationships are the work of two people and the young man bears the same responsibility for them. Therefore, an extra bouquet of flowers and a playful compliment will be pleasant at any age and in any situation. But remember that care is expressed not only in monetary terms. Never leave a girl alone with her problems. Even a silent presence and a timely handkerchief will significantly increase your shares.

Many men prefer to solve family or personal problems with friends or, even worse, with the help of alcohol. This is a fundamentally wrong approach. Problems can only be resolved through acceptance and awareness. It is necessary to talk and find out the cause of the dispute only with the person with whom it was started.