What to do if you start to irritate your husband. If your husband is annoying, what should you do? If your husband is annoying...

There are no ideal people. But while you are in love with a guy or a man, you don’t notice the flaws at all. During the period of wearing “rose-colored glasses,” people even manage to get married. This happens if they get married early, in the first year of the relationship. Time passes, and the husband begins to irritate. Let's find out why this happens and what to do.

How does irritation appear?

The situation is typical. It can be described very simply: getting to know a person better, getting rid of the love that clouds your eyes, you begin to notice objective disadvantages. This is a normal situation that you simply must survive if you want to continue to maintain relationships and lead your family into a bright future. The initial prerequisites of the elementary. Firstly, inexperienced girls do not understand that real people are far from the heroes of films and romantic books . Secondly, men themselves, at the beginning of a relationship, try to be ideal in order to achieve the desired woman. They hide flaws, and then they come out safely and become clear.

Irritation builds up gradually. At first everything is harmless and even touching. Later you notice that your husband can sometimes smell like sweat, is a little sloppy, is not so romantic, has stopped giving flowers often, makes fun of how you look in the morning... And so on. Further more. Irritation accumulates, and instead of tenderness, outright hostility appears. If nothing is done at this stage, the relationship may reach a dead end, and the threat of divorce will hang over the family. What to do?

Real causes of irritation

Let's talk about the reasons that cause irritation towards your husband. They must be understood first in order to know what to work on. This can be either a temporary unpleasant phenomenon or a permanent, stable problem. We'll talk about the main reasons that provoke irritation next.

Physiology decided to rest. We're talking about rose-colored glasses here. In the first months, and sometimes even years of a relationship, you do not notice any shortcomings, because natural physiological processes interfere with you. The human body creates ideal conditions for reproduction. When you fall in love, it releases a complex of hormones that make you feel joy, euphoria, and idealize your loved one. During this time you should give birth (according to nature's plan). After that, it’s no longer so important how you treat a person. The main evolutionary task was completed - they produced offspring.
You are irritable by nature. There is a category of people who are irritable to almost everything. For example, choleric people are distinguished by precisely this trait. They will always find something to cling to, because it is their nature. Irritability also accumulates with hormonal changes. The most typical example is pregnancy.
My husband's behavior changed dramatically. He used to work hard for you every hour. He gave flowers, carried them in his arms, and paid compliments. Now it suddenly stopped. What could be the reason? Well, his rose-colored glasses might have fallen off too. Or maybe he's just tired. Before you got married, he only had to answer for himself. And now - for you two. More work, more nerves, he cannot devote as much time as before to openly taking care of you.
Total monotony. If every day is similar to the previous one, irritability inevitably increases. Man needs variety. This is also one of the laws of nature. If everything is too monotonous, constantly repeated, the body literally gives you a kick and says: “Do something already.” Intolerance towards the environment and others is increasing. And the husband, as the person you see longer and most often, takes the brunt.
Problems in bed. Again, you can blame physiology. There is nothing wrong with enjoying intimate relationships. Not all couples enjoy an idyll in this area. People gradually lose interest in each other, try less, and look at new potential partners. Discontent accumulates, irritation grows. Often mutual, since problems are usually caused by the inability to negotiate and look for mutually beneficial options.
A new person has appeared. Applies to both. It’s clear that if you suspect your husband of cheating, you will treat him with hidden or undisguised irritability. But irritation appears if you also fall in love with someone else. This can be explained in different ways. Perhaps this is a subconscious feeling of guilt that breaks out in the form of irritation. Or a subconscious desire to break off this relationship, make it unbearable, in order to free yourself and go to someone else.
Saturation of family life. Sometimes it happens. People get tired of each other. This happens often. Even if you previously doted on each other, tomorrow you may be so tired that family life will be unbearable. This especially happens when families are created by young people, around 18–20 years old. In simple words, they didn’t have time to walk around. It doesn’t matter that the desire for a wild life most often does not lead to anything good. A person feels that he can no longer drag the family boat like a barge hauler.

Husband pisses me off: another story

Natalya (34), married 15 years

I came to the psychologist not just with abstract dissatisfaction with family life - after all, we have a very solid experience. There was a specific problem - my husband’s betrayal. I didn’t know what to do in this situation - either forgive, or turn around and leave. It’s one thing to have a hypothetical attitude towards your husband’s infidelity, and quite another to face it in reality. Of course, I experienced very strong emotions, primarily misunderstanding and anger. And she chose the wrong path: she began to delve into herself, looking for shortcomings.

I left the psychologist with a feeling of incredible lightness: it seemed that we had solved the main problem, set priorities, and I had an understanding of what direction to move next. It was very comfortable. But by evening it became so bad, it was as if I had been hit on the head with a butt. Again there was a feeling of hopelessness, a dead end. The next day, the feeling of comfort, oddly enough, returned. But I don’t delude myself: I understand that one visit is not enough - to change something, you need to continue to work on yourself.

What to do if your husband is annoying. Expert opinion

Zhanna Sergeeva, analytical psychologist:

The feeling of being stuck is exactly the state in which a person often comes to a psychologist. Usually it is associated with a midlife crisis, when previous sensations are exhausted, tasks are completed, and the second half of life begins, which has completely different goals - for example, knowing oneself, gaining wisdom. But this can only be realized after going through a crisis, often accompanied by painful sensations: it seems as if everything is meaningless, nothing new will happen, the husband is annoying, strange desires appear, the satisfaction of which does not provide consolation. Or desires don’t appear at all.

When Natalya described her condition, the word “dead end” was mentioned more than once. She still saw a way out - to change her life, to fill the voids that formed after the children grew up and no longer needed constant care. In addition, the woman had not worked for a long time, and she wanted to feel more independent from her husband, including financially. But she couldn’t choose an activity she liked, and one that would also bring in money—no ideas in this regard came to Natalya’s head. There was also a fear of competition with young people who had recently received their education.

Analytical psychologists work a lot with imagination, symbols, images, and myths. Therefore, I invited the client to remember her favorite childhood fairy tale. In it we could look for images that can become a source of strength and confidence. Natalya found it difficult to say whether she had such a fairy tale; she did not remember her childhood very well at all. But the book “Black Chicken, or Underground Inhabitants” appeared before my eyes. Natalya associated herself with her hero, the boy Alyosha, who descends into the dungeon. Closing her eyes at my request, she imagined herself entering this dungeon. “How will you seek contact with your future?” - I asked and received the answer: “To the touch.” It was warm, soft, fluffy - but when we began to discuss these sensations, it turned out that behind them there were two images: a rabbit, domestic, calm and patient, and a cat, which can protect itself from danger, makes its own choice and does not allow manage yourself. I suggested that Natalya think more often about this cat, which can give her strength. And also - look for contact with your unconscious, where the answer to what you should do can come from. Imagine in detail the place where Natalya will start working, the clothes she will wear there, the route from home to the office, see a new and independent self, feel freedom, lightness, confidence. Such “films” about our future can give us more than any logical understanding of the situation. At the very least, with their help we can find out what we would really like to do and what we would like to be.

What do you do when your husband pisses you off?

Fascinatingly…

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Hi all! Yesterday I had to “work with my vest” again. My friend Zhenya told me for a long time and chaotically something that strongly resembled the script of either a thriller or an action movie, which in fact turned out to be the story of her family life. An hour later, having stopped sobbing and waving her fists, she was still able to formulate her request normally - what to do if her husband is annoying and annoying? After pouring boiling water over the third portion of soothing mint tea, I sat down comfortably and began my story.

Tips for dealing with irritability

There are many methods that allow you to relax and temporarily forget about irritation. The problem is that this is a temporary measure. Instead of suppressing the irritation itself, it is better to work on its cause. There will be an opportunity to get rid of negative and destructive feelings forever. What measures are permissible here?

Understand the shortcomings of your spouse that cause irritation. You probably know what irritates you most. Try talking to your husband about these disadvantages. Perhaps he is aware of them, but he just can’t cope. Help him become better. And the irritation will pass.
Communicate with a positive attitude. Irritability makes it difficult to maintain a calm and positive attitude. Instead, harshness and rudeness appear, communication turns into issuing orders. Calmness, kindness, and affection will help you.
Express your complaints, don't hush them up. Since irritability tends to accumulate, it is advisable to solve problems as they arise. If you notice something in your husband that annoys you, point it out right away. Otherwise, having accumulated a lot of complaints, sooner or later you will dump them all at once during a quarrel. This is a serious blow to the relationship.
Accept that people are imperfect. How many families have broken up because people went looking for a better partner without noticing the advantages of the person who was next to them. Yes, others have objective advantages. But there are also plenty of shortcomings. You don’t notice them because you don’t know the person well enough. There is no point in running from one man to another. The source of irritability lies precisely in you: you do not know how to evaluate people objectively and come to terms with their unpleasant sides.
Add variety to your life. So that life with your loved one does not get boring, you will need variety. Without it, you will quickly get bored. True, this does not apply to everyone. There are couples who, on the contrary, prefer stability and repeatability. If you are one of those people, you don't need variety. The rest just need periodic shakes. If you want to go to new places together, go on vacation as soon as possible, change the decor at home. Think about yourself: pamper yourself, try new music, film trends, hobbies.
Keep your distance. To prevent family life from becoming boring, each of you must have personal boundaries that cannot be crossed. Sometimes it gets to the point of savagery: the husband demands that his wife give him passwords for social networks, show him correspondence, and “report” in the evenings. This cannot be allowed. Your husband should not interfere in your purely personal life, even if you and him are family. But one cannot demand the same from him.
Small problems should remain small. Some people make a tragedy out of every little thing. For example, the notorious unclosed tube of toothpaste or a raised toilet seat... Yes, this is unpleasant. But do you seriously think that such trifles are a reason for a quarrel?

Let's sum it up

There is no need to be ashamed that irritability appears at some stage in the development of a relationship. Your husband will not always live up to your ideal ideas. The main task: to understand why the irritation appeared, and then do everything to eliminate the cause. The basis of the fight against irritability remains a change in attitude towards what is happening. But sometimes it’s not a sin to try to improve the person next to you at least a little.

Algorithm

For Zhenya, we have developed a step-by-step algorithm for getting out of the “husband is annoying” state. Take a look, maybe it will suit you too?

Evaluate those actions that bothered you so much. It is the actions, not the husband himself. Are they really that terrible? Beatings, betrayal, humiliation, getting involved in financial problems? Something you can't accept and forgive? If yes, get a divorce and don’t torture yourself and those around you! If everything is not so bad, or rather bad, but you still love him and want to improve the relationship, move on to the next point.
Think about whether the reason for your irritation is precisely your husband and his behavior? Maybe the situation at work is stressing you out - constant deadlines, stress, conflict with your boss or colleagues? Moreover, there you cannot throw out the accumulated aggression, and in the end you lash out at your husband, finding fault with unimportant details and inflating it to the size of a universal problem. If so, then apologize to your poor husband and try to reduce your stress level - change jobs, go on vacation, take sedatives and magnesium with vitamin B6. You can sign up for a boxing class to remove negativity during training.
If the reason is still in the husband. Accept for yourself that he is an independent person with free will. If he wants, he will change his behavior. Or it won't change. And you can continue to rage. Or accept this situation and calm down. Or simply physically get out of this situation - temporarily separate or get a divorce. You are also a person with free will and full responsibility for your life and your decisions.

Domestic quarrels, perhaps, have not spared any marriage. Temporary adjustments in relationships are considered normal and do not require specialist intervention. But what to do if it constantly infuriates you and minimize the possible conflict? How to behave correctly when your spouse’s very appearance irritates you and causes negative emotions? The information provided in the article will help you answer your questions.