Loneliness or I have no friends
Man is a social being and has a need for communication. If there is no communication, this can be equated to the fact that the person is sick. There are no people on earth who would like to be completely alone all their lives. Of course, there come moments when we need to be alone with ourselves, reflect, come to our senses, but this is not a permanent phenomenon.
The most difficult thing in this situation is to correctly evaluate yourself and your own actions in life.
It's unpleasant to be around me for a long time, so people turn away from me
Maybe the problem isn't that you're selfish, but that you're disgusting. Sometimes these qualities exist together, and sometimes they don’t. An unpleasant person is someone who:
- Gossips about other people
- Does his friends' things
- Spreads a lot of rumors
- Behaving defiantly and rudely towards others
Such people simply do not understand how they fail in their attempts to make real friends. They might have friends, but friendship isn't worth it because the more time people spend with them, the more unpleasant it becomes.
Why are there no friends?
Let's look at 5 main problems due to which a person cannot make good friends.
Complaints about life
Nobody likes it when a person is constantly dissatisfied with something and whines. Think about it, negativity is pouring out of you, who would want to clean it up?
If you contact a psychologist with this question, he will find out that you are constantly in a negative state, and will call this one of the main reasons why you have no friends. Complaining shows a purely selfish attitude. Everyone has their grievances, but they don't take their problems out on you.
This behavior irritates others. In this regard, you will be bypassed.
You forgot about your friends
This happens when someone gets along with their significant other. This is normal. At first, you cannot get enough of your love, forgetting about everything else. Thus, you forget about your friends. At this moment, what do they feel? They think that’s it, a person has disappeared, and you appear when you need something from them. I think it's unpleasant when a person remembers you only in a moment of need.
Organize the time you spend with your significant other and friends. A couple of hours allocated to friends will preserve your relationship and prevent you from losing love. When we fall in love, we often lose awareness and begin to forget about everything that does not concern our loved one. This is how meetings with friends come to naught. We stop calling each other, and if we communicate, it’s only about business.
Don't forget your friends when you have a partner. He may still leave you, or you may simply break up. While friends are time-tested and have already proven their importance in your life. True friendship is a rare thing and has great value.
High expectations
We often expect too much from friendships. You can even draw an analogy with a love relationship, in which we expect with shining eyes everyday happiness and hugs, but we encounter a reality where not everything is so fabulous.
You should not create illusions either in friendship or in relationships. Everyone has their own expectations, and the likelihood that they will be met is extremely low. We are all individuals and view the values of friendship and relationships in our own way. It is important to realize that no one will change their behavior to please you. Don’t get your hopes up with high expectations and free your friends from the burden of your reproaches.
Friends should be accepted as they are.
Low self-esteem
Your self-esteem plays an important role. People who have low self-esteem often isolate themselves from communicating with others. This is not a good phenomenon and must be fought against. One option is to seek help from a psychologist who will help you get out of your shell of isolation.
Start attending events that interest you, or pick up a hobby that you enjoy so that others can enjoy it. This will make it easier for you to make first contact with people and make friends with them based on common interests.
Diagnosis: gossiper/gossipist
A very large number of people have a bad character trait - gossip. This is not the most beautiful quality. By discussing someone behind their back, you will not gain trust in your person, but will only undermine it. Try to communicate on detached topics that do not involve “washing bones.”
If you see one of the listed problems in yourself, correct it and find long-awaited friends.
Revealing the psyche through modern psychology
Systemically, vector psychology distinguishes 8 vectors that shape our psyche. One of them is anal. People with the anal vector have a certain set of mental and physical characteristics. Perseverance, slow metabolism and, accordingly, a tendency to be overweight, the need to finish what is started, to do something exceptionally well, to be sure to bring it to the end, an obsession with cleanliness in everything, including relationships - these are the characteristics of anal people.
“At school I always studied well, because of this I looked down on others, I was consoled that my grades were always perfect. I don't know why, but I was a little vain. And it backfired on me. Maybe this is partly the reason why I have no friends now. «
For people with an anal vector, says systemic vector psychology, one of the main desires is to learn and accumulate information in order to pass it on to future generations. This role assigned from birth is associated with the priority of the past over the future, good memory, fear of any novelty and the desire to keep everything as it is. This also applies to friendships - old friends must remain in life, but making new ones is stressful .
“It’s hard for me, and being overweight makes life unbearable. I hoped that there was an opportunity to start life from scratch, but no.”
An anal person dreams of starting to live where no one knows anything about him, and there is no need to replay in his head those ominous moments when he was disgraced in front of others, was constantly a victim of ridicule because of his external imperfection (fullness).
Be a good friend yourself
Friendship is one of the components for spiritual harmony. If you have true friends, you need to cherish them like the apple of your eye. If not, don’t be upset, but get acquainted and look for such people.
Tips to help you make friends at any age:
- Don't wear a mask, be yourself. One of the most important qualities is to be who you are. You don’t have to pretend to be like anyone to please them. If you are not happy with something, it is better to say so. Sooner or later it will turn out that you were lying.
- Stay in touch. Don't be gone for long. Let people know that you remember them. This is why you need a telephone, social networks and instant messengers. Communicate, don’t hide your emotions and impressions, share them. This will only strengthen your friendship and bring you closer to the person.
- Find friends based on your own life priorities and values. You should not try to make friends with a person who has a completely different outlook on life.
- Don't judge by "clothes". We are all individual. Don't rush to conclusions about a person at first sight. Take a closer look at him, understand his motives and then decide whether to continue communicating with him or not.
- Don't take everything to heart. If you overreact to how someone communicates with you or, on the contrary, has stopped communicating, you will constantly bring yourself to a nervous breakdown. Let go of the situation and do something that can lift your spirits.
Friendship is based on trust and mutual assistance. If you see that a friend is in need, help him. If this friend is real, you can be sure that he will help you in the future.
New team - new friends - old fears
“After their behavior like this, I stopped trusting people. Everyone."
The first experience leaves an imprint on all subsequent ones - if this person betrayed me, then everyone else will betray me. The same applies to experience with women - if it didn’t work out with one, it means they’re all bad, and then they’re all “the same.” It is especially important, with the help of systemic vector psychology, to understand this at a young age, when all the first relationships between the sexes occur.
“For four years at school, I had a hard time getting close to these people, establishing relationships, getting used to it, and therefore it was not possible to find others.”
That’s why it didn’t seem possible to read – it’s scary. A person will present any imaginary rationalization to prove to himself and others that it is impossible to find other people to communicate with, the situation does not allow it, the circumstances are not the same. This, to some extent, stops me from looking for other contacts. Systematic vector psychology, you just have to dig deeper and know yourself with its help, eliminates any self-deception and any rationalization. A person, knowing about the possible harm of a certain behavior, is unable to continue to make the same mistake and harm himself.
The value of friendship
Some people underestimate the importance of true friendship in our time.
- When we have friends, we are more confident in ourselves. They will always support and help you relax, will not let you fall flat on your face, and will cheer you up in difficult times. Friends are the foundation that often saves us in difficult life situations.
- They will listen when necessary. Often friends take on the role of a psychologist, which will help avoid depression. You can trust them as you trust yourself.
- You can be yourself. We don't wear masks when communicating with friends, we fool around, laugh, cry.
- Help in a difficult situation. They will always come to our rescue.
- Only a friend, regardless of the situation and his own benefit, will tell the truth to your face.
- Friends give us the opportunity to be good people. Agree, in order to have true friends around you, you need to be a good person yourself. For everything in life you have to pay. For good friendship you pay in kind.
These are the nuances that exist on this issue. You can always find friends, but to do this you need to be a good friend yourself. Remember! Never throw away your friendship. She is very valuable.
If you have any good advice or know what to add, feel free to comment.
You're too reserved, you're an introvert
It's great to enjoy time alone, and if you enjoy it more than being with others, that's partly why you don't have friends.
Try to show people that you are interested in them. Be active in making new friends. Participate in discussions when you're in a group and be mindful of any actions you may take that might embarrass your friends. After you analyzed everything, a thought probably popped into your head: now I will definitely have good friends!
We hope we helped you understand with these tips why you don’t have friends.
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Mom, mom... you taught me how to live
“Everyone in the group became friends and became a group, but for me it’s pure hell to somehow start communicating with them. What to do if you have no friends?
You should sort out your relationship with your mother, first of all. It depends on it how developed the mental properties of an anal person are and how stable and adaptable it is. And children with an anal vector are extremely dependent on their mother’s attitude.
As systemic vector psychology defines, people with the skin vector, for example, easily wean themselves from old friends and find new ones; novelty is generally desirable for them, in everything. People with a muscle vector feel the need to always be in a team. Urethrals generally gather everyone around them. And the upper vectors only add certain features to the choice of a company based on intellectual kinship.
