Complexes drive us into a corner Complexes have a very big impact on our self-esteem. They are the filter through which we look at the world, they influence our feelings, behavior, values, views, in a word, our position in the world. How to get rid of complexes and become confident?
The feeling of inferiority and certain shortcomings resulting from this, for some, is not only an experience inherent in discomfort, but also a destructive force that does not allow one to realize oneself with satisfaction in the roles performed, and keeps one in the grip of loneliness and alienation. This is a fear that you cannot overcome on your own and be the way you want it to be.
Formation of complexes
Complexes have accompanied us since childhood. First in relation to adults who are taller and stronger, and then in the yard, and at school. When we first begin to carry out social relationships, we begin to divide into those who are fit and less resilient, those who have more toys and those who do not have many, those who are better at reading and those who are worse at reading...
Inhibitions make us less active, we retreat from various positions, for example, refusing to practice with the football team or meeting with friends in the neighborhood. There are many more complexes in adolescence, although they are not particularly serious. Emotions are more intense, and the behavior and assessment of peers (during this period, the opinion of the peer group is the most important thing) can make the complexes eternal.
Complexes in the universal human understanding are topics concerning ourselves that create discomfort, anxiety, shame, and fear.
Before answering the questions - how to overcome fear
or
how to overcome fear
, you need to answer the question - what is fear anyway?
Fear is a reaction of the body that occurs as a result of a threat.
What threat?
Yes, any external threat that can harm this very organism or even bring death to it.
During fear, the corresponding hormones are released into the blood, which increase blood pressure, pulse, blood flow, supply of nutrients to the body, etc. As a result, the body’s strength doubles, triples and we are ready to confront the impending danger. But what is this danger? And is something really threatening us? So the dangers are real and imaginary. Real ones are when our life and health are really at risk. And imaginary ones are when danger exists only in our heads.
Just imagine, your boss calls you in and asks you in a stern voice:
– So where is the annual report?
Just the tone of his voice makes your heart beat wildly in your chest, it seems ready to jump out of it at any next second, your hands are shaking, your blood pressure has jumped... In principle, this defensive reaction is called stress, when the body mobilizes all its internal forces to protect or “fights”.
- All! Are you ready for battle!
But what is it? No one threatens you, no one rushes at you with a knife, no one puts a gun to your head.
So there will be no battle? This means that the stress your body has experienced has a pathological basis and is caused by unfounded fears!
You try to pull yourself together, but it's all in vain. You answer your boss inappropriately, confusingly and confusingly, because at this moment you are fighting an invisible enemy within yourself. And such unnatural behavior, inadequate to the situation, the basis of which is fear, is called complexes in psychology. So stop being afraid , especially in such situations. How to get rid of fears
?
Well, first we need to understand how we came to such a life that we began to be afraid of everything and everywhere. And we acquired a whole bunch of all kinds of complexes.
And they taught you to be afraid of everything in your childhood, at school and at home. It was by frightening you with various punishments and using general and personal condemnation to force you to carry out the will of your parents and teachers that you were turned into timid mice, afraid of even a random rustle. You had no choice. How could you then resist the threats of adults, being just children with an unstable and still developing psyche? Now you have simply become hostage to these childhood fears. And you will have to pay for the costs of school and family education and you will pay for the rest of your life.
And in order to somehow resist the current situation, you have to fight! Fighting complexes
and fears.
By the way, it is these complexes and fears that are the main and main reason for your insecurity. That is, you were not born this way - careless educators made you this way. Therefore, to the questions - how to overcome fear
?
How to overcome fear
?
How to get rid of fears
?
How to stop being afraid ? Questions are also added - How to get rid of complexes and how to deal with complexes
?
Fighting complexes and fears
the matter is complex and very difficult, but still possible. It is almost impossible to cope alone, especially in severe cases. Real friends, family members who support you, psychologists who are masters of their craft, and psychological training trainers can be your assistants in this matter. And on the contrary, everyone who destroys your confidence and faith in yourself, and also makes you feel fear and humiliation, are no more or less real enemies for you, even if they shout at every corner that they are acting for your benefit. Keep these “comrades” at a decent distance and don’t let them trample your life.
So, having surrounded yourself with the right people and relying on their support, first of all, you should try to regain lost or damaged confidence. It is confidence that will become your powerful and main weapon in this difficult struggle. You can read more about this here - How to become self-confident
It is difficult to do without a qualified psychologist who is suitable for you, therefore, if there is such an opportunity, it is better to find one. He will show you the culprits specifically for your problems and help you create a strategy and plan to overcome them - Professional Psychologist
.
Everyone else will need appropriate literature, perseverance and the support of truly close people. If you want to find happiness, know that there is nowhere to hide from complexes and fears and sooner or later they will still overtake and destroy your fragile world. Therefore, grit your teeth, arm yourself and defeat your main enemy.
Remember if you have any questions:
How to overcome fear
How to overcome fear
How to get rid of fears
How to stop being afraid
How to get rid of complexes
How to deal with complexes
— their decisions are your main and main goal.
Fair winds to you in all your endeavors!
JOHN FOX John Fox
How to deal with complexes?
Nature loves diversity, therefore it has created people with different heights, certain structures of the ears, nose, with better or worse opportunities for intellectual development, language abilities or perseverance in the pursuit of a goal. The life situation, the family in which we grow up, the place in which we live, social status - all this together affects self-esteem and the possible formation of complexes.
Sports with complexes help reduce psychological stress
In adulthood, we cope with complexes better than during puberty. However, some are very dissatisfied with themselves and are determined to change, even risking their own lives to get rid of an undesirable trait. Succumbing to the system's efforts to look different, they are unable to bear the costs of more than their financial capabilities in order to, at the expense of other needs, buy a product that, in their opinion, raises social status and gives a sense of satisfaction.
Even if Nobel Prize laureates and Miss World can reproach themselves for something, then perhaps we should be more tolerant of each other. After all, a big nose or very short stature are not the only information that describes us. How to get rid of complexes and become confident?
It is worth taking a critical approach to any ideals for which we achieve, which we dream about, to evaluate how real they are, what expenses will need to be incurred to achieve them.
How to get rid of complexes
2. Don't compare yourself to others
There will always be someone better in the world than you. This doesn't mean we can't achieve the same results. On the contrary, it gives motivation to be better and be inspired by a positive example. Remember, there is no limit to perfection!
3. Be confident
If you are experiencing difficulties in a team, do not know how to persuade and do not have the qualities of a leader, fight for the right to have a voice and the respect of your colleagues. Speak in a loud and confident voice, avoid pauses so that it is difficult to interrupt you. Practice expressing disagreement when you are interrupted, for example, you can say: “Let me finish, the best part is yet to come.”
4. Compete
Uncertainty in the face of new life challenges and fear of defeat are common consequences of complexes. Due to lack of confidence in our own strengths, we often refuse to participate in competitions and fight for the best. However, it is better to do and lose than not to do and have no chance at all. Try to visualize your own fears, imagine the worst, and come up with a Plan B. Make a list of gains and losses that will result from your participation in the event. Once you put everything on paper, you will see that fear has big eyes.
5. Be in tune with your inner world
If any criticism paralyzes you and forces you to stop trying, remember that you do not have to satisfy everyone. It is important that you live in peace with yourself. Accept the comments of others, because they can indeed be constructive, but ask for specific arguments - any criticism must be justified. Remember that criticism may be about your ineffective performance and not about your personality. Someone may notice that you are behaving immaturely or irrationally, but no one can say that you are an immature or irrational person.
6. Allow yourself to make mistakes
Complexes hinder creative development and a creative approach to life. A person withdraws into himself and does not take initiative for fear of being ridiculed. Remember that only those who do nothing avoid mistakes. Allow yourself to make mistakes. If you still feel strongly about the possibility of public failure, think about how other people care about their reputation. Everyone pays much more attention to their person than to you, and is just as afraid of becoming a laughing stock. No one remembers your mistakes as long as you remember them.
7. Don't compare yourself to celebrities
Don't compare yourself to people in show business. Firstly, you do not know the whole truth about their life, about their complexes and shortcomings, if you can only judge them from the pages of newspapers and magazines. Secondly, every woman could become a model and look just as amazing if a whole staff of people took care of makeup, hairstyle, choosing costumes and creating an image. In addition, professional actresses, models and singers are taught to strike favorable poses and smile correctly in order to look stunning in photographs. In addition, such a wonderful program as Photoshop has long existed, without which not a single photo of a cover girl can do. To feel just as beautiful, give yourself little joys: go to the pool, see a beautician, have a massage, go on a long shopping spree. Get yourself a professional make-up and book a photo shoot: when you see yourself in the pictures, you will realize that you are no different from the models.
8. Take care of your inner beauty
There is no other person like him in the world, and that is your beauty. Have you noticed how an unattractive, but self-confident, cheerful, open, kind woman gathers a crowd of friends and admirers around her? Everyone is attracted by her inner light. Develop gentleness and femininity, good nature, generosity and other good character qualities. Be yourself and people will be drawn to you.
9. Contact a specialist
If you can't cope on your own, seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. Psychologists use many different methods to work with complexes. Gestalt therapy, psychoanalysis or other areas of psychotherapy have different methods, but they all boil down to one thing. The main thing here is to help the patient become aware of his complex. Once brought out of the unconscious into consciousness, the complex will disappear.
How do complexes arise in our heads?
A psychologically healthy and non-suspicious person, even in childhood, relies on the opinions of significant figures for her, and ignores the rest. What mom and dad said is important. The rest can say whatever they want. But at school the situation changes dramatically. There, the center of significance shifts to your favorite teacher and friends.
So, if Baba Klava from the third entrance shouts to the girl from the balcony about her plump figure, the girl will smile and move on. And if dad (a significant figure) makes an unsuccessful joke about being overweight, then the subconscious will record his words in a special evaluation department forever.
It is more difficult for those people who initially have a weak inner core. They pay too much attention to the opinions of others. And, as a result, they become overgrown with complexes.
These people did not receive love and recognition in childhood. They were often compared to others. They gave them a negative assessment. Ridiculed and criticized. Or, on the contrary, they put too much pressure on them, taking care of them. Such methods of education are not reflected in the best way on the development of the child’s personality. People who grew up in an environment of criticism, patronage and rejection have incorrect ideas about themselves. Their imagination paints a pitiful picture of worthlessness, where they are the main characters.
With such a childhood, it is best not to rely on your own experience, but to find people who can give a person love and warmth. Tell him about his strengths and weaknesses objectively. If you have a strong complex, you need to contact a competent specialist to solve personal psychological problems.
In many situations, a person can help himself get rid of complexes himself. But those cases that develop into alarming and poorly controlled conditions (for example, tics) require the intervention of professionals.
Indecisiveness
Sometimes a person loses self-confidence because his ideas and proposals are harshly criticized and met with hostility. As a rule, close people are such critics. Parents, girlfriends, husband, sisters, brothers, colleagues. And all because an opinion about a person has already been formed, and all efforts are frustrated by the existing stereotypes in people’s minds.
The person withdraws into himself and does not dare to appear awkward or even stupid again. If you have a team of such critics in your environment, then try not to waste your energy and emotions on them. No matter how painful or offensive it may be, accept that they will not approve of your opinion in any case. Hone your eloquence in front of a friendlier audience; such people exist in any environment.
Own life
There are people who think and care about the desires of others more than about themselves. This is about those who care about other people’s opinions, who are afraid to do something for themselves because others don’t like it.
There could be hundreds of examples:
- you can’t wear a short dress - your mother-in-law doesn’t approve;
- You can’t dye your hair a bright color - the neighbors will think you’re crazy;
- You can’t buy something new for yourself without your husband’s approval - he’ll think he’s got a lover.
Techniques for getting rid of fear
It is important to understand that, unlike anxiety, cowardice appears without an objective reason. Often, we deceive ourselves. It is human nature to overestimate and not look for the reasons for one’s own feelings.
Stop being afraid of being scared
No matter how paradoxical it sounds, but that’s exactly it, not to “overcome a phobia,” but to stop being afraid of it. It should be understood that a certain timidity is a kind of program of our brain.
Let's say you come up with a robot housewife that does all your housework for you. Quite a useful thing in the household.
One day, you asked your assistant a task: “Wash the windows.” And in order to prevent him from falling out of the window, the parameters of the “danger” of the height difference were embedded in his “brain”. It would seem that everything is simple.
However, when you come home from work, you will find an assistant standing in front of an ordinary threshold. The robot is not able to assess the degree of danger; it reacts to a given parameter - height. A person has consciousness and would definitely appreciate how dangerous this height is.
So, to stop being afraid means to turn off the danger program, turn on consciousness, and evaluate the “height of the threshold.”
Think about the future
When we experience fears, we focus on the moment “here and now”, and do not give ourselves the trouble to think about what will happen there, beyond the boundaries of our commotion. And even if we try, we still do it through the prism of our condition.
Let's say you're afraid of losing your job. Future prospects appear bleak for you. Try to do everything exactly the opposite.
Imagine that immediately after being fired, you meet a friendly person who, amazed by your competence and charm, offers you a place in a large company. At the same time with a good salary. Introduced? Where did your cowardice go?
Be prepared for fear
You are preparing to fly on an airplane, and then your constant companion, the terror of heights, wakes up. What to do with your phobia in such conditions? Trying to remember statistics and convince yourself at the level of “this won’t happen to me” helps little, and the fear of dying reminds itself again and again. At the same time, you continue to be afraid of flying on an airplane.
Try to accept the situation. Yes, plane crashes happen. Yes, few survive. Yes, this happens rarely, but this particular plane can also fall. It is quite possible that I will die today. But this happens to everyone at some point.
In other words, we do not experience the flight with a doomed expectation of disaster, but accept the reality of the inevitable fact as such. “It’s unlikely that the plane will crash, but if it does, then so be it.”
Of course, it is stupid to not care about your life, deciding that there is no point in being afraid of dying or losing some important thing. This is absurd. It is important to soberly assess the threat and respond adequately to it.
Observation from the side
Try not to “feed” panic, but try to look at it from the outside. Imagine your “bad thoughts” as a certain substance living in a certain place in your body, for example, at the stomach level.
Try to look at it, see the color, outline, consistency. Believe me, once you are beyond the panic, you will feel like an explorer, and not a cornered mouse.
Let's use our breath
It has long been a known fact that diaphragmatic breathing can control the nervous system at a physiological level. Therefore, during a panic attack, try to breathe from your stomach. While breathing, do not forget to count, controlling the time of inhalation and exhalation. The optimal duration is from 4 to 10 seconds.
Try to relax your muscles, mentally walk through every part of your body, direct your breath to every point of your body. This technique successfully copes with fear of the dark or panic before a performance.
Memories of previous horrors
This very effective method successfully eliminates minor fears and recurring phobias. Remember how you were already afraid of this.
Each of us felt shy before our first date. And even if it was not entirely successful, I already experienced this feeling. He already knows what it is like, and therefore can change his style of behavior when communicating.
Turn fear into adventure
Our timidity is the most common feeling, just like joy or indifference. Direct it towards the thrill. Treat it like a super attraction that has come to you from afar, remember the childhood sensations of a “taking off” swing.
Don't resist fear
You will be surprised, but anxiety does not always need to be controlled. Sometimes it’s enough to simply accept it as a given: “Yes, I’m terrified of going to the dentist, but I’ll still have to treat my teeth.”
Don't get attached
A striking example of such an attachment is the desire to succeed at all costs with representatives of the opposite sex.
This is where many fears “grow”:
- shyness before a date;
- fear of old age;
- pathological pursuit of youth and attractiveness;
- painful fear of pregnancy;
- suspiciousness of inadequacy before sex;
- “inability” to meet girls;
- fear of communicating with unfamiliar men.
It is a strong attachment that gives rise to more and more new fears and phobias, following one after another. Try to bring the maximum amount of variety into your life in everything. This will help you enjoy more than just one thing.
A girl or a man does not live his life only in pursuit of sex, but achieve success in his career, start a family, give birth to children, and find pleasure in communicating with each other.
Don't let others make you afraid
Often our cowardice is an externally imposed stereotype that came to us thanks to other people. A striking example is the fear of life as such. This, by the way, is used quite actively when creating advertising. Think about it, is this your fear at all?
Don't avoid situations that involve fears
Psychologists recommend finding yourself in situations in which panic “awakens” intentionally and often. Simulate the situation artificially.
In other words, it looks like this:
- to defeat a bully on the street yourself, sign up for one of the martial arts sections;
- in order not to be afraid of communication, it is necessary to communicate;
- to learn how to drive a car, you need to drive it constantly;
- To avoid being afraid of the dark, take walks under the moonlight:
- To avoid anxiety before public speaking, you should speak as often as possible.
Dealing with indecisiveness: is it easy?
Indecisive people are often afraid to express their opinion, and remain silent while their more lively colleagues are pouring out ideas. But a timid person can have a lot of thoughts and ideas. Try to stop remaining silent and start making suggestions. Then others will listen to you and respect your opinion.
A shy person can be internally erudite, well-read, and have a rich inner world. Compared to more sociable people, such a person initially loses and goes unnoticed. Is it worth hiding your talents? You won't lose anything if you try to become more open. And how else can others appreciate you, learn about your merits. Identify your strengths and start building on them.
A timid, shy person may find it difficult to communicate with strangers - an interview, a meeting with an official is difficult, it is difficult to explain or make a request. For such situations, develop a behavior strategy in advance, think through possible questions and answers to them. Then it will be easier for you to hold a meeting in reality.
Advice from psychologists
Psychologists advise not to fall into negative thoughts and allow your loved ones to give you compliments without asking for them.
Try to look at yourself through the eyes of those who truly love you. Well, if you compare yourself with fashion models and models, psychologists recommend that you stop looking at them. Don’t compare yourself to anyone, accept yourself for who you are, because very few women in our world have an “ideal figure” without much effort.
Working on yourself and getting rid of complexes
First, take care of yourself! Take control of your weight. Ask yourself the question, what is the reason why you don’t love your body? If you have any shortcomings in your figure, you can always, and most importantly, you need to take the necessary measures - physical exercise, sports, fitness, and so on. If there is a person next to you who knows you well and loves you, there is absolutely no need to constantly ask him about his figure. Your questions will not help you lose a couple of extra pounds, but they will probably push your loved one away.
Secondly, psychologists recommend doing this in order to get rid of your complexes associated with your figure. Ask yourself why, do you need to lose weight and what will you get from it? If necessary, change your diet. Ask yourself why are you actually ashamed of your figure? The reason is that you really don't like something about your figure or you just compare yourself to models on the covers of glossy magazines.
The models on the cover of the magazine are not to blame for your low self-esteem, only you are to blame. Don’t think that you just need to snap your finger to achieve such a figure. Moreover, why should everyone be the same? Regardless of how your body looks or whether you feel self-conscious about it, the problem is not weight, but the psychology of self-perception.
An interesting question arises about shame, about the way you look, and on the other hand, complete disclosure to the person next to you. Isn't it strange to worry about your figure and at the same time constantly remind your loved one about cellulite?
Recognize that this is a paradox - when a person doesn’t like something, he usually tries to turn the defect into an effect, rather than complaining to his loved one, asking for a compliment. After all, you won’t accept such a compliment.
