What is love? This is a feeling of deep affection, strong sympathy, constant thoughts, sexual attraction, the desire to completely possess a person and boredom in absence.
Love is one of the fundamental feelings, without which it is impossible to imagine a happy, bright and fulfilling life. In addition to love for the opposite sex, there is love for parents, loved ones, friends, animals and God. But the most discussed is love for the opposite sex. They write a lot about such love, make films and talk about it. Love is the focus of attention of scientists, writers, directors, philosophers and ordinary people. What is love and what is it eaten with?
Love: Definition from a psychological point of view
There are three completely contradictory interpretations of the concept of “Love”:
- Love is a state of falling in love
- a disorder akin to neurosis, when attention is weakened, vigilance is lost, a person becomes “detached from this world.” - Love is an internal drug
when the brain releases pleasure hormones, dopamine, a feeling of happiness and serenity. - Love is a painless habit
, a person’s need to feel loved, to give these wonderful emotions to others, to be happy and satisfied.
Psychologists say that true love is similar to love for a child, an indicator of a pure soul, dedication to the end, care and renunciation, this cannot be understood with the head, only felt with the heart. Love is an objective concept, for one to love - to give gifts, for another - to sympathize and to empathize, and for the third - to give life without delay. It is sometimes very difficult to take and explain this feeling in words.
You don't pay attention to his shortcomings
Some people agree so much with the statement “love should turn a blind eye to shortcomings” that they become victims of a family tyrant. They confuse the concepts of “irritating habits” and “domestic violence.” They are ready to tolerate what is a crime against the individual. This desire cannot be called true love, but rather looks like sacrifice. Accepting someone's weaknesses only means that you accept that no one can be perfect.
What are the stages of love?
In total, there are 7 stages that love goes through; they may not occur to everyone, but they do occur:
- Falling in love
is a short period when lovers are immersed in a state of euphoria, they notice only all the good things, do not see the negative sides of each other, but everything quickly ends when people start living together or planning a wedding, or encounter everyday troubles; - Satiation
- lovers begin to “evaluate their love” differently, coexistence begins, which can lead to separation or unity of the family; - Disgust
is a real test for lovers, they become selfish, reciprocity disappears, without this stage it is impossible to step into another world, true awareness of love; - Humility
- lovers begin to adequately look at each other, accept their soul mate as a separate person, with all the vices and shortcomings, begins a period of self-improvement, improvement and mutual understanding; - Service
- people completely immerse themselves in the world of bliss, the personification of wisdom and piety, support each other in any endeavors; - Friendship
- accepting each other as a loved one, lovers devote more time to their other half, get to know themselves anew, build new relationships full of madness; - Love
- partners have come a long way, learned to appreciate and love truly, now they perceive each other as a single whole, without mercantile attitudes and cunning tricks!
Do you want to give a memorable gift to your beloved husband/boyfriend? Give him the book “100 Reasons Why I Love You!” - he will be delighted with such a gift, believe me!
It is especially important to realize the fact that love does not ask for anything - this feeling gives warmth, spiritual harmony and pleasure. If a blind love addiction arises, then you need to get rid of it, no matter how difficult it may be at first!
Such feelings force the partner to be with the chosen one all the time, to be jealous, to forgive even in the most difficult cases, which will ultimately lead to the destruction of the individual and even fatal death.
What do famous psychologists say about the definition of the word 'Love'?
Sternberg: The results of combining the components of love
Sternberg believed that this feeling can carry an objective load in three semantic components: attraction, passion and responsibility towards oneself and the other half.
Ideal love is one in which all these components merge together, feelings become strong and flammable!
| Types of love | Intimacy | Passion | Responsibility |
| Sympathy | + | ||
| Passion | + | ||
| Imaginary feelings | + | ||
| Romance | + | + | |
| Friendship | + | + | |
| Blind feelings | + | + | |
| Perfect love | + | + | + |
What does E. Fromm say about the definition of love?
He considers love to be a momentary feeling that appears in moments of great joy; the motivation of feelings can be fear of loneliness, and in rare manifestations - sadism.
According to E. Fromm, love is like a commercial transaction; love is taking and giving to the fullest
, open up, dedicate your secrets and let them into your innermost world of love and experiences. Be strong, don’t let feelings go by themselves, control the process, no matter how paradoxical it may sound.
The first violent outbursts of emotions are replaced by brave and strong feelings that help keep the raft of love afloat, and not allow it to break on the rocks of enmity, hatred, constant quarrels and scandals.
A.V. Petrovsky argues differently
He describes love as external manifestations of feeling, accessible to everyone.
. The way a person changes outwardly when a feeling of attachment to another appears, he renounces his previous life and begins to commit crazy actions. Love is conditioned by intimate attractions and presupposes sincerity and openness to each other.
If there is a lie, then this is not love, but the unscrupulous exploitation of someone else's trust, fraudulent actions, sometimes thoughtless. Feelings should be replaced by actions, but at the same time testify to the same thing. If I love, then it manifests itself in all relationships.
Why do some people try to avoid close relationships?
There are not many options for a person to develop counterdependence. These are childhood traumas that most often result in violence or cruelty towards the child. This also includes violence that a child observes.
The second option is a violation of attachment: a lack of tactile contact with the mother, which may be completely absent or minimized. This contributes to the fact that, as an adult, a person tries to avoid emotional intimacy with other people to the detriment of his relationships.
Love is like a chemical reaction
Lovers like to be together, the production of various hormones is triggered, which lead to crazy actions, euphoria, insomnia, loss of appetite, and a change in the reality around.
Love makes you crazy
, the brain begins to produce excess amounts of dopamine, and a state of satisfaction appears. A person commits thoughtless actions and is sometimes unable to adequately evaluate the result obtained.
These “aggressive” hormones do not live for a long time, the phase of madness quickly ends, and love passes into another metamorphosis - affection, understanding, trust, unity, etc.
The desire to fall in love is not love. But the fear of falling in love is already love.
Etienne Rey
The love hormone - oxytocin, plays a key role in the psychology of behavior of lovers, as they say, if you feel good, then I feel great! Love is the complete giving of oneself in exchange for the truth of the feelings of another.
This chemical element helps build relationships, binds families and friends with bonds of love, and helps curb the true feeling inside. Such a change in the psychology of behavior changes life for the better and creates a feeling of trust in others. This method can treat neurosis in patients.
What is first love?
Are these vivid memories or a lesson for life? Many argue that first love is doomed to fail. Parents do not give importance to this hobby of their children; adults often secretly sigh when remembering their first love, sometimes considering it the truest and most sinless.
The first relationship between a man and a woman can be both negative and positive! The most important thing is to learn the right lesson from this situation, not to dwell on the bad, to move forward and build new happy relationships without looking back.
Psychologists say this about this:
- First love is the first personal relationship between a woman and a man, which is based on contact actions on the part of each other, the first emotions are actively manifested - feelings of love, hatred, anger, jealousy, resentment;
- the lover remains alone with his experiences, tries to make an adequate decision on what to do next, sometimes the first experiences are so strong that they do not allow the lover to step over this period of life and move on to a new relationship;
- in first love there are only feelings, all definitions of status fade into the background (material wealth, car, real estate, etc.);
- lovers cannot accept the circumstances that have arisen sensibly, sometimes they cannot cope with the wave of surging experiences;
- The meaning of first love is to learn to manage emotions, communicate with the opposite sex, and create your own system of behavior for the successful completion of the next relationship.
We always believe that our first love is our last and our last love is our first.
George John White-Melville
The first love can form strong ideas about the feeling of love in the future. It is very important to take a positive emotional experience out of this situation, and not ruin your personal life with painful memories.
There is often an illusion that if you return your first love, then your youth will return with it, but you need to live in the present, not the past, because only here and now can you change something in your life, become truly happy and successful.
What to do if you yourself suffer from counter-dependency, how to deal with it?
Contact a psychologist to solve your problems. Understand that life around you is not as simple as you sometimes think. Yes, you are used to doing everything on your own, you are a strong personality, you are great.
But next to you there is another person who, despite all the strength of your character, is trying to love you, and you sometimes make his life unbearable.
It is very difficult to overcome the craving for “me myself” - not every man can withstand such independence in a woman, but the one who can withstand it can definitely be erected a monument.
And this man will not necessarily be considered a “weakling” or “henpecked” - he will be a very wise and loving man.
In addition, we can recommend the book by American psychologists Berry K. and Janed B. Weinhold, “Flight from Intimacy. Freeing your relationship from counterdependency." This book has been translated into Russian.
What myths about love 'erase' knowledge of psychology
Is love at first sight real?
Love at second, third... sight can be bright, rich, inspired and unique. Psychologists often consider situations when a person believes that this is his real soul mate, and then meets another, and the world turns upside down again.
The object of love is one for all years and all centuries!
The first love seems to be the only one, but then the second comes, and feelings are ignited again... In the world, 25% of suicides occur due to the fact that many rivals compete for the favor of “one love.” So for whom is she really the only one?
In a truly loving heart, either jealousy kills love, or love kills jealousy.
Fedor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky
Every person has a soulmate, the main thing is to spot her in the crowd of numerous passers-by and not miss her, so as not to break the agreement of eternal and happy love.
You cannot live in a world where there is no love, when the other half is completely indifferent to you, because the time will come when true love will appear, and one of the partners will remain “overboard”, in a sea of tears and sad illusions.
There are at least a million options for meeting your soulmate; perhaps this requires changing your place of residence, social circle, work, study, but the choice will be made, and the probability of a successful one is quite high.
Does eternal love exist?
Psychologists do not make loud statements on this matter, and the thought of a lover can live for a long period, but the foundations of family life can change these ideas. The higher the need for love, the more acute this problem is.
Most often, love is interpreted as respect, trust, understanding of each other; often a person falls in love several times, because he was not lucky enough to find his ideal. In fact, not everything is so simple, you need to move forward, not dwell on imaginary fantasies and erroneous ideals.
It is difficult to reason sensibly under the influence of the love hormone, but you simply must draw a conclusion and move on with your life!
Is it possible to get married without love?
Is there always love when creating a marriage, but it is worth noting that the intensity of passions also cannot guarantee a strong relationship and a successful union. So where to look for the golden half? How to become happy without love?
Yes, marriage without feelings is sad
, but on the other hand, as the French novelist Beigbeder noted, love lasts for three years, and after that a trusting contact is established, a relationship that will keep the couple together or lead to separation.
Problems in the field of love can arise due to the fact that everyone interprets this feeling in their own way. In psychology, there is no one correct solution to how to define love; there are many varieties of it.
Perhaps today you will love your other half as a brother/sister, friend, and tomorrow that flaming feeling will come that will allow you to create a strong and happy family for many years. Love will be glorified as a divine feeling, a bright transformation of life, driving you crazy.
Love is joy, understanding each other without words, mutual satisfaction
, in this case we can talk about strong further family ties, and the birth of children will become a magical unity of this marriage.
'Imaginary' love
If relationships between people arise against the background of internal emptiness, or the replacement of one partner by another, then they can be called dependent, and most often doomed to a sad existence.
This is a serious psychological problem, not everyone can bear such responsibility, in such relationships there is no free choice, most often such individuals remain lonely and unhappy for the rest of their lives.
Don't be afraid of the smart ones. When love comes, the brain turns off.
Elena Zhidkova
“Feelings are the element of actions that are not subject to anyone!”
In such a field, betrayal, mistrust, suffering, meanness and the destruction of such a wonderful feeling as love can arise.
You need to learn to love and be happy without any conditions, just as a mother loves a child; she plunges headlong into this state and does not set any selection criteria for herself.
If there is emptiness in your soul, then you first need to understand yourself why this happened, and not fill it with someone based on rash actions. Until a person loves himself and accepts himself with all his shortcomings and contradictions, it is unlikely that anyone will do this for him.
There is complete respect between you
The connection between lovers experiencing true feelings is based on mutual respect. Each of them highlights only good features in their chosen one, and each of them is ready to turn a blind eye to the shortcomings. And if you treat your partner as a person equal to yourself, you have every chance of staying with each other for a long time. But if one of you is used to commanding and putting the other in a humiliating position, then this union is doomed.
