Chapter 3. Causes of anxiety in children

Anxious child – Psychology of life

Anxiety is “an individual psychological characteristic consisting in an increased tendency to experience anxiety in a wide variety of life situations, including those that do not predispose one to this.”

If your child has become anxious...

It is necessary to distinguish anxiety from anxiety. If anxiety is episodic manifestations of a child’s restlessness and excitement, then anxiety is a stable condition.

For example, it happens that a child gets nervous before speaking at a party or answering questions at the blackboard. But this anxiety does not always manifest itself; sometimes in the same situations he remains calm. These are manifestations of anxiety. If the state of anxiety is repeated frequently and in a variety of situations, then we should talk about the child’s anxious state.

Features of anxious children

Anxiety is not associated with any specific situation and appears almost always. This condition accompanies a person in any type of activity. When a person is afraid of something specific, we talk about the manifestation of fear. For example, fear of the dark, fear of heights, fear of enclosed spaces. Other causes of children's fears

Every child has certain fears. Night terrors are common in children aged one to three years. In the 2nd year of life, fear of unexpected sounds, fear of loneliness, and fear of pain most often manifest themselves.

At 3-5 years old, children are characterized by fears of loneliness, darkness and confined spaces. At the age of 5-7 years, the fear of death becomes dominant.

From 7 to 11 years old, children are most afraid of “not being someone who is well spoken of, respected, appreciated and understood.” However, if there are a lot of them, then we can talk about manifestations of anxiety in the child’s character.

The reason for children’s anxiety lies in the disruption of child-parent relationships, namely:

1. Conflicting demands made by parents, or parents and kindergarten.

2. Inadequate requirements, most often exaggerated.

3. Negative demands that humiliate the child and put him in a dependent position.

Anxious preschool child

They are characterized by excessive anxiety, and sometimes they are afraid not of the event itself, but of its premonition. They often expect the worst.

Anxious children feel helpless and are afraid to play new games or start new activities. They have high demands on themselves and are very self-critical. The level of self-esteem of anxious children is low; such children really think that they are worse than others in everything, that they are the ugliest, stupidest, and clumsy.

Anxious children seek encouragement and approval from adults in all matters.

Rules of family education

Anxious children are also characterized by somatic problems: abdominal pain, dizziness, headaches, spasms in the throat, difficulty shallow breathing, etc. When anxiety manifests itself, they often feel a dry mouth, a lump in the throat, weakness in the legs, and rapid heartbeat.

Signs of anxious preschool children:

1. Constant anxiety.2. Difficulty, sometimes inability to concentrate on anything.3. Muscle tension (for example, in the face, neck).4. Irritability.

5. Sleep disorders.

Peculiarities of behavior of anxious children

An anxious child has difficulty concentrating on anything. Any task causes him unnecessary anxiety. While performing tasks, he is very tense and constrained. An anxious child is more likely to become embarrassed than others. And, as a rule, she blushes in unfamiliar surroundings. He is timid and fears many things. How to deal with childhood fears?

An anxious child is usually restless and easily upset and often cannot hold back his tears. Doesn't tolerate waiting well. Not confident in myself, in my abilities. An anxious child is afraid to face difficulties. Doesn't like to take on new things.

How to help an anxious child? Working with anxious children

Working with an anxious child is associated with certain difficulties and, as a rule, takes quite a long time. Experts recommend working with anxious children in three areas:

Working with anxious children to improve their self-esteem

Call your child by name, praise him even for minor successes, celebrate them in the presence of other children. However, your praise must be sincere, because children react strongly to falsehood.

Moreover, the child must know why he was praised. In any situation you can find a reason to praise your child. How to raise a child to be confident?

Working with anxious children and teaching the child the ability to control himself in specific, most worrying situations

Anxious children do not communicate their problems openly. And even if a child tells you that he is not afraid of anything, this does not mean that his words are true. Most likely, this is a manifestation of anxiety, which the child cannot or does not want to admit.

You can't compare children with each other. It is better to compare the child’s achievements with his own results shown, for example, a week ago.

When addressing an anxious child with a request or question, it is advisable to establish eye contact with him: either you lean towards him or raise the child to your eye level.

Writing fairy tales and stories together with an adult will teach the child to express his anxiety and fear in words. And even if he attributes them not to himself, but to a fictional character, this will help relieve the emotional burden of internal experience and to some extent calm the child.

Working with anxious children to relieve muscle tension

It is advisable to use skin-to-skin games when working with anxious children. Relaxation exercises, deep breathing techniques, yoga, massage and simply rubbing the body are very useful Psychological games for children

To help an anxious child, adhere to the following rules in raising anxious children:

Avoid public complaints and comments!

Avoid comparisons with other children (especially if someone is better).

Be sure to celebrate your child's successes by communicating them in his presence to other family members (for example, during a shared dinner).

Praise your child more often and be proud of him.

Try to make as few comments as possible to the child. It is necessary to refuse such words that humiliate the dignity of the child.

Assessment is of great importance for anxious children; it should always be positive.

You cannot threaten an anxious child with punishment.

Consequences of child abuse

The affectionate touch of parents will help an anxious child gain a sense of confidence and trust in the world, and this will relieve him of the fear of ridicule and betrayal.

Parents of an anxious child should be unanimous and consistent in rewarding and punishing him. A child, not knowing, for example, how his mother will react to a broken plate today, is even more afraid, and this leads him to stress.

Causes

Social anxiety is built into humanity by evolution because humans are social creatures. It is important for everyone to feel like a member of the group. Therefore, it is necessary to differentiate ordinary anxiety, generated, for example, by the need to carry out some kind of public action, from an anxiety disorder, the basis of which is the fear of being rejected, ridiculed, or not accepted.

In people suffering from social phobia, fear prevails over any other emotions. The simplest interaction with society is either not given to them at all, or with great difficulty. The consequence of this is their isolation from society, limited professional self-realization, and inaccessibility to building relationships. They prefer a work environment where interaction with people is kept to a minimum. All this greatly reduces the quality of their life.

It is believed that the formation of the analyzed fear is influenced by genetic determinants and social factors.

Researchers of the genetic determinacy of social anxiety adhere to the view that the likelihood of developing the analyzed disorder in offspring increases approximately 3 times when it is diagnosed in parents or close relatives. Studies of twins have demonstrated that when one child is diagnosed with this phobia, the probability of its detection in the second sibling is almost 40-50%.

A direct dependence of social anxiety on an overprotective educational model has also been established: parents who tirelessly monitor any step of their child increase the risk of developing the described disorder.

The following are personality traits and social factors that contribute to the development of social phobia:

– shyness;

– communication problems in interaction with the opposite gender;

– congenital hypersensitivity to criticism;

– psychological trauma;

– bullying of children in preschools or schools;

– unsuccessful experience of interaction with the environment.

Social anxiety in adolescents is often caused by certain humiliating experiences, psychological violence or physical pressure. As a rule, a predisposition to social anxiety is associated with the following factors:

– parents are social phobics;

– deficiency of early attachment – the baby did not receive the necessary amount of care, affection, attention;

– prematurity (due to underdevelopment of certain brain areas).

Social anxiety in childhood can be triggered by:

– mockery from the adult environment;

– teasing or bullying among peers;

– strict prohibitions without taking into account the wishes of children.

Parental behavior is considered an important trigger for social anxiety. When kids see parents experiencing anxiety, they seem to “absorb” it and record it.

Anxious child: signs, characteristics, correctional work

Children of preschool and school age are more susceptible to anxiety, which sometimes arises for no apparent reason. Diagnosing it is quite simple due to a set of characteristic signs, but eliminating fears can be a difficult task. An anxious child reacts poorly to stimuli and communicates poorly. The quality of life of such children decreases.

Why does it happen?

The main causes of anxiety in a child under 6 years of age are difficult relationships with parents. This is especially true for boys.

The degree of anxiety in parents is largely reflected in the similar state of the child. The use of an authoritarian parenting style, excessive demands on the child, or comparing him with others significantly increases anxiety.

Anxiety often occurs as a result of neuroses and other mental disorders.

The main reasons for this condition include:

lack of feeling of safety in the child;
pushing away the baby by adults, their hostility;
unfavorable family environment;
poor financial resources of the family;
discrepancy between the parents’ requirements and the child’s real capabilities;
inadequate demands of adults towards the baby;
increased levels of anxiety in parents;
adults presenting demands that contradict each other;
parents are unable to maintain consistency in raising a child;
authoritarian parenting;
excessive emotionality of parents;
constant comparison of the child with peers;
the desire of parents to meet generally accepted standards.

Types and types of restlessness

If changes in behavior are noticed, especially that the child is anxious, expert recommendations prescribe seeking advice from a doctor. Treatment will depend on several factors.

There are two types of anxiety:

Anxiety as an established character. In this case, the characteristics of personal temperament and copying the behavior model of unbalanced adults play a role.
Anxiety is situational. It is usually caused by individual events.

Children suffering from anxiety are divided into several types:

Neurotics. An increased degree of anxiety in such children leads to somatic disorders, namely tics, stuttering, and uncontrolled urination.
Disinhibited children. This type of childhood anxiety is expressed in the form of increased activity and excessive emotionality.
A shy child who is afraid of almost everything.
Closed children. This type is characterized by coldness, lack of responsiveness, and increased alertness of the baby.

How to determine that a child is anxious?

In general, this condition is not a diagnosis. The specialist most likely will not prescribe treatment until the situation worsens. However, if no measures are taken, the consequences can be disastrous.

If parents notice that the child is anxious, cannot concentrate, and needs parental protection, it is advisable to consult a doctor for recommendations.

How can we determine that this is not just situational nervousness or fear, but a serious problem that requires intervention?

There are several obvious signs of an anxious child:

Hysterical behavior when parting with loved ones. At first it may seem that the baby is reacting painfully solely to parting with his mother, but this is not so. An anxious child has a hard time being separated from anyone he knows. A clear example of this behavior is visiting kindergarten at the first stage.
The child constantly clings to one of the parents and reacts sharply to attempts to separate him. At first glance, this is normal, because this is how children feel protected. But there is also a downside. Without physical contact with a loved one, the baby develops a feeling of anxiety.
Refusal to go to an educational institution. Some parents think that this is due to the fact that children simply do not like studying, the staff or the regime at school or kindergarten. But the cause may be anxiety, which, by the way, greatly inhibits the learning process.
Sleep disorders that are expressed by various symptoms. The child has nightmares and cannot fall asleep for a long time. In advanced cases, the baby experiences urinary incontinence. Most often, the reasons lie precisely in the psycho-emotional state, which requires immediate intervention.
Crying even over small things. In such cases, it is strictly forbidden to call the child a crybaby or other offensive words. The point here is increased anxiety, and threats and humiliation cannot eliminate the problem.
Psychosomatic reasons. In some cases, such symptoms are a sign of anxiety in the child. This could be abdominal pain, lack of air, loss of consciousness, and more. They are most pronounced when being close to the object of alarm.

The degree of severity is determined by the number and intensity of manifestations. If only one of the listed signs appears occasionally, there are no serious concerns, and with the support of the family, the child will cope with anxiety on his own. If concern is manifested by several symptoms, they are intense and long-lasting, specialist intervention is necessary.

Why is this condition dangerous in children?

An anxious child may develop the following problems:

Deterioration in academic performance. It is worth noting that some children, on the contrary, begin to study better, fearing anger or punishment from their parents.
Social exclusion. It is expressed by the fact that the child withdraws into himself and stops communicating with peers and people around him, with the exception of his parents. In the future, he may never learn to communicate, will not learn basic social skills, and will become an outcast.
Every new person in the environment, a conversation with an unfamiliar person causes anxiety in the child.
Fear of making a mistake. This is a serious problem, which over time will be reflected not only in the child’s indecisiveness when taking an important step, but even in small things. He will most likely get used to always retreating in everything and will grow up indecisive. If such a character trait is excusable for girls, then the young man will face many problems in life.
Inappropriate behavior. Anxious children, growing up, often become so-called freaks. Even when they outgrow childhood fears, they strive to stand out in any way or, conversely, to distance themselves from society.

How does the condition manifest itself in preschool age?

Constant worry can develop in a child at any stage of life. Anxious children of preschool age constitute a large group that requires mandatory intervention from a specialist in the early stages.

Thus, children aged one to three years often experience nightmares. At two years old, the child reacts sharply to unexpected sounds, experiences fear of loneliness and pain, for example, reacts violently and for a long time to medical workers.

From three to five years old, children develop a massive fear of the dark, enclosed spaces or loneliness. One of the main causes of panic in children aged five to seven years is the fear of death.

Characteristics of an anxious child of primary school age

A child’s body, which is not strong and not tuned in to intensive learning, often cannot withstand the load, and the baby gets sick. And the desire to learn completely disappears, while anxiety from thoughts about the upcoming study grows rapidly.

Anxiety in children of primary preschool age is observed in the second month after the start of education. That is why they need a short week-long rest. The development of feelings of anxiety in younger schoolchildren often arises from parents or teachers. In families with a friendly and calm atmosphere, children are less restless, unlike those where conflict situations constantly arise.

According to psychologists, in preschool and primary school age boys suffer more from anxiety; this is typical for girls after 12 years of age. At the same time, the former are more concerned about punishment and violence, while the latter are worried about relationships with others.

Organizing the lives of anxious children

For such guys, adherence to the regime is of great importance. They are not very fond of hygienic procedures, so it is important that bathing in the bath brings them pleasure.

Let it be foam, toys, that is, what they like. It is better to hold off on health procedures and mastering swimming.

Anxious children do not like to change clothes, so it is better to buy clothes for them that are comfortable, that are easy to take off and put on.

It is difficult to feed children with anxiety syndrome, so there is no need to prepare multi-component meals for them, let it be something simple and healthy.

It is difficult for an anxious child to interact in a group, so it is necessary to create conditions for him under which he can be among children. There is no need to force the baby, he should be gently guided.

Sometimes it is very difficult for parents to find a common language with their child, but if you sensitively respond to his feelings and requests, establish warm relationships, then over time he will begin to change for the better.

Recommendations for parents of anxious children

Experts advise taking into account the following recommendations:

Do not make excessive demands on your child.
Show your love for your baby as often as possible.
Praise your child publicly.
Do not say words that degrade the dignity of children.
Criticize less.
Don’t force them to apologize, but ask them to explain the reason for the offense.
Spend more time together.
Hug and hold your child's hand often.
Take an interest in the baby’s life, his opinions and feelings.
Be unanimous and consistent in raising your children.
Offer to help your child, but do not solve all the problems for him.
Share your childhood fears and difficult situations.

Increased self-esteem

The work of a psychologist with an anxious child includes three components:

Increasing your child's self-esteem.
Developing skills to manage your emotional state.
Exercises to reduce muscle tone.

It is quite natural that it is impossible to quickly raise a child’s self-esteem. It is important to carry out appropriate activities daily. Address the baby by name, praise him for the slightest achievements alone and in the presence of other children. At the same time, approval must be sincere, since every child feels and reacts painfully to falsehood. It is imperative to say why he is being encouraged.

Let's look at the remaining elements in more detail.

Self-management skills

It is extremely rare for a child to share his experiences and fears, so it is necessary to instill in him self-management skills:

Make up stories together.
Discuss situations that concern your child.
Do not compare your child with other children.
Do not force anyone to participate in any competition.
Be interested in the reasons for your child's restless behavior.
Establish trusting communication.

Decreased muscle tone

For restless guys, relaxation exercises are extremely useful. The list of recommendations for parents of anxious children includes massage sessions, yoga, and breathing exercises.

A great way to relieve increased anxiety in a child is to paint their face with unnecessary lipsticks or special paints. You can arrange a kind of masquerade or dress-up show. To do this, masks, costumes and other accessories are made together with children. Such an impromptu performance will relax the baby and bring a lot of pleasure.

Prevention of anxiety

If parents want their child to grow up balanced, first of all it is necessary to create a favorable psychological environment in the family that promotes harmonious personal development. If you establish a trusting relationship with your baby from an early age, then the development of anxiety in him can be avoided.

Corrective work with anxious children, as well as preventive measures, include discussion of the child’s emerging problems, close communication, spending time together, walks, picnics, etc. Parents and children are brought together by a relaxed atmosphere, joint creativity, which allows them to relax.