Unhappy love is more like a disease than anything else, the great men of antiquity said, and, as always, they were absolutely right. Love without reciprocity is one of the most energy-consuming states of a person: life flows out like blood from a lacerated wound, and if action is not taken, it can flow out entirely. By investing, as if in a hopeless cause, in the object of your feelings, you lose a lot. Sometimes that's all.
And to stop loving a person who doesn’t love you is very important: draining the energy of your only life poses a direct threat to mental and physical health.
How to live on if you carry your own personal hell within yourself, and, moreover, it is not tamed enough to not show itself without a challenge? How to break this exclusive, debilitating connection with a person who does not love you, and, worse, is burdened by your feelings? How to restore the joy of life and interest in everyday worries? The task is difficult. Love addiction is like a swamp, like quicksand, sucking a person in completely. Vivid emotions, drama, tears, anguish, constant intensity of passions make existence so emotionally rich that ordinary life with its quiet joys seems insipid and boring to a person. Creative people, predisposed to low self-esteem, depression and mental suffering, tend to put loved ones on a pedestal and become dependent on the object of their love.
How to stop loving someone you love very much?
It is always difficult to stop loving someone you love very much. But first of all, the reason for this lies in the individual himself. If you can't stop loving, then most likely you don't want to. On the one hand, you are doing the right thing: how can you give up the love that you previously lived with, enjoyed and fed on? On the other hand, you need to understand that now your love has turned into poison. Now you are only suffering from it.
So, the first reason that does not allow you to stop loving your ex-partner is your lack of this desire. Are you ready to give up your love? Are you ready to stop experiencing it?
If you have already decided to let go of love, then move on to the next step - realizing that it does not exist. Love is an exchange of emotions, sensations, impressions, information. Do you think they still love you? If your ex-partner doesn’t see you, doesn’t communicate, doesn’t date you, then you’re wrong.
Love is an exchange. If you and your partner do not exchange anything, then there is no love between you, and all your feelings are fiction.
The next step is to realize that there are many other men/women out there with whom you can build relationships. Your ex-partner is not the only one. Some people have several dozen such “ones” throughout their lives. Will you say that this is not love? Maybe. However, you should understand that you can build relationships not with one person, but with several. In other words, there are several “suitable” partners for you. If you fail with one, it's time to look for another.
“The one and only” are beautiful words that bind a person hand and foot, especially if the relationship with the “one and only” does not work out. This brings more suffering than benefit. Moreover, there are no “ones” (by number), because there are people who are more suitable or not suitable for a particular person. But in fact, there are a large number of men/women living on planet Earth with whom you could build a love relationship.
Plus, it’s good that there are no “repeatable” ones. Imagine if everyone was the same. You would have to constantly build relationships with the same person, contained in different people's bodies. Yes, your ex-partner is unique. And that is great. This means that you have a chance to find another unique person with whom you can definitely build a happy future. Undoubtedly, there are people similar to each other in some ways, but these are only small factors that are invisible against the background of other qualities that are inherent in each individual person.
It’s good that there are no “only ones”, because how would a person live further if he had not developed a relationship with such “the only one”? Have you suffered all your life? Why, if after breaking up you can say to yourself: “It’s okay, he/she is not the only one. I will build a relationship with another person.” And this is true, because there is no “one”, only “the right one”, of which there are many on this planet.
Therefore, rejoice that there are no unique and repeatable ones. After all, if this were so, then humanity would die out, since not everyone manages to find their true love the first time.
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Dating after the wedding
The first opportunity to show their best qualities will appear to the young people at the moment when they first cross the threshold of their common home. From this day on, the newlyweds must understand that in the name of future happiness they will have to change many of their habits, learn to put the general above the personal and realize that there are more responsibilities in marriage than rights.
It is not easy to come to terms with this state of affairs, and this is not surprising. Still, before the wedding, each of the spouses had their own personal space and imagined their future family life in their own way. Naturally, each of the couple brought these expectations into the common house along with their personal belongings. But if it’s easy to find separate shelves for the things of the husband and wife, then putting together the general structure of the family is a much more difficult matter.
The first family agreement will help the newly-made spouses in this matter. On its “pages” the areas of responsibility of the newlyweds will be determined, the personal boundaries of the husband and wife will be outlined, and roles will be assigned. Gradually, such an agreement will be filled with everyday trifles, and the spouses will learn to understand each other better.
If the values of a husband and wife are similar, they will enter the first turn on their shared life path without any problems and will be able to come to an agreement without unnecessary disputes and reproaches. The first year will also pass calmly for spouses whose feelings have not yet had time to calm down. In this case, all difficulties are smoothed out and the grinding is smoother.
How to stop loving a person who does not love each other?
Do not try stubbornly to stop loving a person who does not love you back, using the methods that friends and relatives offer you. If something doesn’t help you, then look for another way. Each person is affected by separate methods; you can talk about them with a psychologist who will determine what will help you get rid of your own unhappy love.
To stop loving a partner who doesn’t love you back, it’s time to stop considering him higher, better, stronger, more beautiful and more successful than you. Often we love those who seem more ideal to us. In reality, the other person may not be so perfect.
Respect and value yourself. Realize that your love is hurting you. Do you want to continue to suffer? Do you like feeling pain? If not, then understand that your love is harming you.
The next step is to love yourself. You love another person - when will you start loving yourself? Often love becomes non-reciprocal precisely because the loving person does not love himself. How can you love someone who humiliates himself, sacrifices, begs, cries, etc.
Realize that you are an individual, a full-fledged person. You are not looking for a soul mate because you are already whole, harmonious and complete.
People's lives are full of difficulties. When faced with certain problems, people, like lost creatures, look for ways to no longer find themselves in unpleasant situations. Often they go to extremes, where on the one hand there is complete sacrifice (since love says that one must endure and give), and on the other hand there is narcissism, which protects a person from any kind of misfortune. But it is not for nothing that it is said that these are extremes, because between them there is a golden mean, which requires greater responsibility and consciousness of a person. And only when it is achieved can a person be happy and successful.
What does a person forget? About the fact that the only one worth living for is himself! This is forgotten not only by altarmakers who fulfill the desires of others, but also by narcissistic people who only think that they know their own desires. A sacrificial person and a narcissist are the same thing, only their ways of thinking and acting are different.
In fact, both of these people value others - spouses, children, parents, friends, acquaintances, colleagues, society, etc. And there is no place for them themselves. Their way of behavior only differs in the methods by which they protect themselves from others. The sacrificial person simply sucks up so as not to be attacked, and the narcissistic person aggressively defends himself, showing his indifference. In reality, both of them forget about the one and only person who deserves to come first - himself. They listen to everyone around them, but not to themselves.
Very often such people feel guilty before others. They see that the people around them are offended, they are in pain, which makes them feel uncomfortable. However, it is precisely the fact that people obey everyone, but not their own desires, that makes them act in the wrong way. What is meant here by wrongness is not what is accepted in society, but how desirable the act of the person who commits it is. In other words, you can only do the right thing when you want to. You are guided by your desires, which tell you what to do. Only then will you do the right thing. But if you listen to the advice and desires of others, ignoring your own opinion, all your actions will be destructive, first of all, for yourself.
The only person worth living for is yourself! Only then should spouses, children, friends, colleagues and other people take a place in your life. Initially, you should think about yourself and only then about others. Remember that your spouse can deceive you and leave you, your child will grow up and go to his family, your parents will die, your friends will betray you, your colleagues will stop communicating with you. What then are you left with? Only you will remain - an unhappy and exhausted person who is not used to listening to himself. If you don't know how to listen and help yourself, then you don't know how to listen and help others. That's why you feel bad and you feel that others feel bad. You can’t do good for yourself, then how can you do good for other people?
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Analysis of feelings
First, you should think about your love. If it causes you suffering and pain, is it love? Define for yourself what you mean by love. Or maybe everything is much simpler for you? Maybe this is not love, but infatuation? Or affection? Or attraction, passion? Many do not separate these phenomena, but perceive them as a single whole, believing that this is love.
It is also worth figuring out why you need love with this person. Or maybe you're just afraid of loneliness? Or do you want to rule? Or do you have a problem with self-esteem and are you afraid that you won’t meet anyone better on your way? So, understand yourself, analyze all these factors.
Undoubtedly, anger will help. Get angry at yourself for being a weak person and subjecting yourself to mental suffering, get angry at the person you need to stop loving for one reason or another. Anger will help dull the pain, let go of emotions, and you will feel much better.
Some psychologists advise learning lessons from the past. After all, we ourselves make ourselves happy or unhappy. It is very important to forgive the offense in your heart, wish your loved one happiness and let go forever. Psychologists consider immersion in work to be a good way to forget a loved one. But besides work, there are much more pleasant and useful ways to bring yourself to your senses.
How to end up falling out of love?
Finally, let’s give a few tips that will help you fall out of love:
- Go on dates, meet other people, understand that there are other people who might be interesting. Finally see that there are people who are interested in you, unlike your loved one.
- What makes you so attracted to the partner you are in love with? Try to understand what exactly attracted you to the other person. Realize that these qualities, manners, sensations can be obtained from other people.
- Throw away anything that reminds you of your past love. "Out of sight, out of mind".
- Become aware of the kind of relationship you want to have. What is happening to you now coincides with your desire?
Finally, understand that everything in this world is temporary. Even if you love one person mutually, sooner or later one of you will not be. And then the second one will suffer, unless he realizes that there is nothing permanent in this world.
What to do if the feelings don't go away?
Trying to change someone else is a dead-end solution to the problem. Neither screams, nor tears, nor complaints, nor resentments, nor appealing to a sense of duty will solve the problem. It is equally useless to turn to magicians and witches for a “powerful love spell” or “love spell.” All these influences can aggravate the situation, but do not improve it.
Why? Because you need to change yourself. With the one and the other, everything is fine with him, he is healthy. One person in a couple needs help, namely, the one suffering from non-reciprocal love.
It is difficult to get rid of love addiction on your own; During the period of mental and physical recovery, external support is needed, outside help is needed. You can turn to a psychologist or psychotherapist to work through the problem of love addiction during individual or group sessions, or you can take a faster path of esoteric transformation - in both cases this is a constructive path, a path of working with yourself.
