How to calm down during hysterics: on your own, at home and without help
Hysteria always begins at the most inconvenient moment.
Everything seemed to be fine, and then suddenly it hurt, it hurt, it was annoying, it was bitter. And all this at the same time and to such an extent that it seems that right now you will explode like ball lightning. Tears begin to flow from the eyes spontaneously, the mouth distorts unsightly, and the voice breaks into a scream. And I feel so sorry for myself.
It is clear that such emotional breakdowns unbalance and cannot NOT harm your health. And new wrinkles after them are not the worst thing. After all, the heart can also fail at one moment. We must learn to cope with hysterics at any cost. We will talk about exactly how to do this in this article.
Don’t break down and be emotionally stable - why can’t this be trained?
The most common tips and tricks on how to calm down during hysterics revolve around suppressing emotions. A conscious physical or mental action. For example:
- count in your head to 10, or even 100;
- get away from an unpleasant person, a source of pain;
- take a shower, go for a run, start doing something with your hands;
- get distracted - time heals;
- disconnect your brain from the situation and meditate within yourself that everything is fine; etc.
Another option is to take pharmaceuticals, the spectrum of which varies from the simplest sedatives, such as valerian officinalis, to the strongest antidepressants.
The “lucky” one, who has already tried all the points listed, knows for sure that none of this works.
Sometimes it helped, perhaps in the very first stages. But sooner or later the hysteria returns. Nervous breakdowns are experienced more and more painfully. And the person himself clearly understands that among his friends and family he has long been labeled as a “hopeless hysteric.”
Why can't you stop a hysteria once it has started?
In order to understand how to cope with hysteria, you need to understand the causes of this condition. Today this is easy to do with the help of System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan. It is in this science that a special type of people is described in detail - the owners of the visual vector.
There is an opinion that hysteria is a purely female problem, and among men it happens as an exception. Actually this is not true. About 5% of people have a visual vector, and there are equal numbers of them in both sexes. Moreover, most often in men, hysterics are more painful, since they cannot afford to cry - this is not the norm. By holding back tears, they suppress emotions from childhood, which means they cannot relieve tension in this way. Therefore, hysterics are more harsh and unpleasant for the person and others.
Visual people are always very emotional. They cannot keep information inside themselves; they need to share it. That's why they love to chat, and sometimes even chatter incessantly. This is wonderful, because through emotions they perceive life more clearly, express themselves more easily, and see all the beauty of the world.
But there is also a flip side to the coin - emotions are not only positive. Something beautiful evokes a feeling of joy from life, but when you are faced with something disgusting, bad, evil, unfair, the same emotions fly down violently. Thus, the internal state of a visual person is very similar to a sine wave - up to the peak, down to the peak, and back. The upper peak fills with happiness, the lower peak causes melancholy, despair, and unhappiness.
This is the nature of the visual vector, which cannot be changed. By the way, this easily explains why you cannot calm down during a hysteria if it has already begun. It is simply impossible to calm her down. By magnifying and swinging the emotion, the viewer experiences it many times in a larger volume than it actually is. All brilliant songs, films, paintings, plays, romances are a buildup to the positive, when a person’s best feelings rise to the skies.
But if you look again at the other side of the coin, then this buildup to the same extent throws a person into bad conditions many times lower. Falling into hysterics, a person realizes with his brain that the reason may be small, even tiny, it can be neglected, but he cannot do anything about it. When the visual swing reaches its peak, EVERYTHING is not just unpleasant, but mega-unpleasant, not just scary, but mega-scary. And any attempts to calm such hysteria are already useless - there is no argument in the world that could be compared to the peak state of decline in the visual vector.
That’s why neither the persuasion of a husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend, nor counting to 10, nor a contrast shower, nor valerian, ever works. The hysteria must continue until she emasculates herself. Then there will be a stop - devastation. The peak of the sine wave will fall to the very bottom. For some time, the hysterics will go away, because there will simply be no emotions left inside that can be taken out. But they will leave and be sure to return. If you don't change anything, this is how it will be for the rest of your life.
If a child is hysterical
For infants, loud crying is a signal of discomfort, pain, or unmet need. For older children, crying and hysterics are often a way of manipulating parents to get what they want. And, as a rule, it is very difficult for parents to calm a raging child. No matter how they persuade, exhort or threaten, nothing works. Over time, such manipulations become a habitual pattern of behavior.
The task of mothers and fathers is to accustom their child to the fact that not all his wishes can come true. How to stop the child's violent protests? 1. Parents should master themselves first. There is no point in explaining to the child the reasons for refusal, shouting at him and attacking him. Moreover, there is no need to punish! If this is difficult, move away from him. But without emotional outbursts and comments, calmly. 2. If you see that your child is scared by his own reaction and “crazy,” then hug him and provide support. Explain, if he does not show irritation, that this happens and it will pass. The baby should not worry about this. 3. Next, distract the child with a game, an interesting cartoon, or a snack. And don't focus on what happened. 4. Unfortunately, most often children begin to behave uncontrollably in stores, clinics, and on the street. In this case, you need to go to a place where there are fewer people and turn away from the crying child. Deprived of spectators, he will quickly stop making noise.
In addition to the fact that the main task is not to be provoked, parents must understand why their little one does this. Perhaps this is the only way to express your desires when parents are overly authoritarian. Then you should reconsider your attitude towards your child and become more democratic. Or she does this because she doesn’t know how to show her emotions. In this case, you need to teach it. For example, talk about the emotions that the child experiences. “Now you are irritated, but this is temporary”, “I see that you are angry now”, etc.
I constantly throw tantrums: what should I do?
There is only one effective way to deal with hysteria: use a sine wave to hollow out the visual vector not at the peak below, but at the peak at the top.
It would be a mistake to believe that the visual vector can turn off its emotional swing. This will never happen. This is its nature and its zest. And the point is not in the build-up, but in how and with what we emasculate ourselves in life: with positive emotions or negative emotions.
If you've ever had a tantrum, you know that state of emptiness that hits you at rock bottom.
There are no emotions left, as well as tears in the eyes. Maybe I would like to continue, but I have no strength - it’s as if the energy in the batteries has run out. You feel so tired that all you want to do is lie down and sleep.
Taking Action, Avoiding Mistakes
Stay away from bribing your child to prevent tantrums. All this will do is set the stage for future tantrums. For example, if you might tell a tantrum going to the store, don't say, “Keep calm and I'll buy you that toy you wanted.” X Research source However, setting up a reward in advance for good behavior is a viable strategy. Before you even go to the store, you can say, “if you stay calm and listen the entire time we're in the store, I'll buy you that toy you want.” But the killer doesn't cave unless they keep their end of the deal. .
Do not bend under the child just to end the tantrum. As with bribery to stop the inevitable hysteria, all the child will learn your caving in that he fell into hysterics will be what they want. Next time they might throw an even bigger tantrum just to get their way. X Research source Remain calm, communicate clearly, and act only to prevent harm or if removing the child from the situation is necessary. However, you may be able to accommodate them without necessarily giving it. For example, if they are anxious because they want ice cream, try something like “no ice cream, but you can try the delicious yogurt you like with blueberries on top.”
Step in and remove the child from harming himself or others. Place the child in a safe place away from others. If you must restrain physically, hold them tightly until they have calmed down enough to let go. Some children will kick and hit and fight to free themselves from the restraint. Protect yourself as best you can and remain determined and calm. X Research source Speak calmly and reassuringly throughout the process: “I know you're upset right now, but everything will be OK. Let’s try to calm down together.”
Don't use physical punishment to get your point. The only message you are sending is that physical punishment is an acceptable way to deal with anger. The chances are that you will be able to perform more negative behavior and tantrums. X Research source The worst thing is to spank a child out of anger or frustration during a tantrum. Everything you do then punishes them for being able to control their emotions while not being able to control yours. If your blood is boiling, take a step back or turn away for a few minutes. If disciplinary action is taken, use something more effective on kids, like a time-out. One minute timeout per year of life is a good general rule.
Keep all educators on the same page in dealing with tantrums. You as a parent can use calm communication to work through tantrums. However, if the other parent yells angrily and the babysitter caves immediately, the mixed message will confuse the child and may make the tantrum worse. Discuss your tantrum strategies with any parent staff member and come to a mutual agreement, and ensure that all passengers or others are clear about their expectations for dealing with tantrums. X Research source This can be more challenging if you and the other parent are not a couple. If you can't change how they deal with your child's tantrums, it's still important for you to stick to using calming, reported techniques.
Seek professional help if tantrums get out of control. If all your attempts to prevent or stop tantrums seem to be failing, consult with your child's doctor about the situation. They can evaluate any physical problems that may be contributing to the tantrums and may refer you to a child psychologist or other licensed therapist who can help. X Research source Developmental delays can make tantrums worse, as can things like visual or hearing impairment that may not be obvious with a baby. Never feel as if you are “failing” or “giving up” by seeking professional help. You are doing exactly what you should be as a caring adult.
Warnings
Seek professional help if you notice self-destructive behavior or overly aggressive behavior coming from your child. These outbursts may be the result of an underlying medical or mental health condition that causes the child to behave this way.
Questions and answers
Question:
What if your child just won't listen and you've done everything that's usually recommended? Is it bad upbringing or some kind of problem?
Answer:
It may be that the child believes that tantrums can make their way. Don't be too soft or too hard on your child to stop tantrums. Listen to a child for hysterics. If it's something that's vitally important, they'll say “please” and “thank you,” so they may get into the habit of saying that instead of throwing a tantrum. If it's something unnecessary, then stand firm in your refusal and wait until your child calms down so you can talk to them and let them understand. If all else fails, you should talk to your pediatrician to rule out any behavioral conditions/disorders.
Question:
How long should I let my child have a tantrum?
Answer:
let them finish - if you cut them off abruptly, they become angrier. Once they've finished, talk to them and let them know tantrums are not good.
Question:
My 40-year-old man, child, son, who still lives with me, throws tantrums regularly. What should I do?
Answer:
set some ground rules. Tell him exactly how you expect him to behave in your home and explain that if he continues to throw tantrums, he needs to find somewhere else to live.
Question:
How do you deal with a 7 year old's tantrum?
Answer:
he won't just give up. Explain why you are saying no. If the child protests, I will explain again. Then, distract. Ask about his day at school. Ask if she has any suggestions for dinner next week. If your child starts screaming and ignores you, I warn you of the consequences. 7 too old for toddler tantrums, but keep in mind that your baby may be tired. Try to understand the child's situation. Is this past a dream? Missed lunch? Bad day? Send your child to his room to calm down a bit. Say: “I feel as if you are not listening to me. Why don’t you take a moment to calm down?” Then regroup.
Question:
Up to what age is it “normal” for children to have a meltdown? What to do with a sensitive 15-year-old who breaks down in tears, seemingly for no reason? She has clinical depression.
Answer:
It's normal for a person of any age to melt down. Everyone has moments like this. And, if your 15 year old breaks down for seemingly no reason, just leave her alone. If she is clinically depressed, there is an explanation. You don't need to do anything with it.
Question:
my three year old daughter threw a fit as we were leaving the library. What should I do?
Answer:
next time you go to the library, tell her that if she throws a tantrum while you're gone, there will be consequences at home. Give her a warning before doing this so she has a chance to change her behavior.
How to calm someone down when they are hysterical
Not everyone can afford nerves of steel these days. Anyone who has ever witnessed a real hysteria in a child or an adult will unanimously say how terrible and unpleasant this spectacle is.
Modern psychology and medicine classify hysteria as a reaction of the human psyche to certain stimuli that the individual cannot cope with. Moreover, hysteria itself is always a consequence of other nervous pathologies and neuroses. It is worth noting that even a completely healthy and adequate person can throw a tantrum, but such an event will never be repeated.
What should you do if, by the will of fate, you happen to cross paths with people who are susceptible to hysteria? How to properly stop a woman's hysterics, and what to do with children's hysterics? Today Notagram.ru will try to convey the main points, step by step, on how to calm a person if he has completely or partially lost emotional control over himself.
How to calm someone down when they are hysterical
Reasons and why hysteria occurs in general
Modern science clearly determines the cause of any hysterics - individual and behavioral characteristics of a person, if the person himself is pathologically suggestible or overly emotional. As a result, in any conflict situation or nervous overstrain, a certain destructive trigger is triggered, aimed at getting rid of the source of irritation. To put it more clearly, the psyche of a person who has thrown a tantrum tries to push the real picture of what is happening out of his head, replacing it with imaginary images of his desires, since he subconsciously understands that this is physically impossible to do.
What to do if you find yourself next to a person who is hysterical
The first rule is to try to protect yourself and the person who is hysterical as much as possible. It is important for you to understand that any words and arguments spoken to a person when he is in such a situation will not help. The usual hysteria itself is short-lived, in contrast to pathological hysterical attacks caused by serious mental illnesses. The more attention a person receives, the longer a normal hysteria will last. You just need to make sure that the person cannot harm himself or others, and leave him alone with his emotions. But only in such a way that you can control what is happening.
How to calm a woman's hysteria
One of the most effective techniques is not a slap in the face or a glass of cold water in the face, but a strong hug, if you can afford it. With your hugs, you should exclude as much as possible any movement of the woman. You must hold the woman tightly in your arms so that she feels your strength, and remain silent, allowing the “volcano” to cool down. If this is difficult for you to do, or you yourself are very emotional, just leave the person alone, while understanding that the person cannot harm himself in any way.
How to calm a child's tantrum
With children everything is much simpler. The main thing is not to succumb to childish provocations, try to reason with the child, or even worse, beat him. If you think that others will judge you because your child screams and cries loudly, then you are mistaken. On the contrary, strangers in such situations empathize with your parents and want to help you. If there is a dad nearby, then the following trick will help you. It is necessary to take the baby upside down on your shoulder, gradually lowering the child lower and lower on the father's back, holding him tightly by the legs. It will simply be uncomfortable for a child to scream and cry in this state.
How to calm a teenage tantrum
A child's entry into puberty is the most difficult time for parents. The causes of teenage tantrums can be either hormonal explosions or a teenager’s impulses to manipulate you in order to assert himself. If the tantrum passes without physical aggression, simply hug your child gently and let your teenager cry. If the child is ready to use his fists, then simply control the child at a safe distance until he calms down. Once your child has completely calmed down, you can talk to him. By the way, according to scientists from the American Scientific and Practical Center for Mental Health of Children and Adolescents, an excellent way to avoid teenage tantrums is to engage in active or contact sports.
Safety precautions
When trying to stop inappropriate behavior, think about safety rules: 1. Under no circumstances leave the person alone. Be there if the tantrum continues. An exception may be when the process has just begun and you can return to the victim at any time in less than 1 minute. 2. Remove all dangerous objects from the premises. There are especially many of them in the kitchen. Therefore, hide the knives and forks, or take the person to another room. 3. At the beginning of the article, I mentioned that hysteria is caused by demonstrative reasons, so it is necessary to clear the room of all third parties. And if the hysteria happened on the street or in a crowd, then take him to a secluded place. Deprive the actor of his audience.
Think about the psychological safety of a person who has been unsettled. After he has calmed down, be sure to talk to him about the problem. Don't leave him alone with his troubles. Don’t lead conversations in a different direction, but listen calmly and carefully. I would like to emphasize that it is important not to become infected with other people’s emotions. Avoid excessive sympathy and pity. If necessary, let me cry. But think about your own condition, do not take everything to heart. Also, do not give any advice or offer a solution to the problem in this situation. Because at the moment there is a process of understanding what happened. A person is now incapable of solving this in any way. And your proposals can only cause a new wave of worries.
How to calm someone down
Situations in life are completely different, and the psyche cannot always calmly cope with what is happening, then the help of those who are nearby is necessary.
Confusion from the need to somehow stabilize the state of another person is quite understandable, especially when it is not clear how to calm a person down with words at a distance, because removing the cause of the experience may not only be overwhelming, but possibly also an unnecessary task. Most of all, I want to calm down a crying person, since everyone’s own psyche is structured in such a way that the sight of other people’s tears is unbearable. However, we do not take into account those reactions where strong experiences and destructive mental processes can occur without tears or loud laments.
Rules for psychological assistance
In order not to harm a person in a stressful situation, you need to follow a number of rules:
- Don’t force help, but offer it when you really need it.
- Do not put pressure on the person, trying to find out what happened to him. You need to be careful not to make the situation worse.
Advice should be given in such a way that it does not look like teaching. Moreover, you should not say “I warned you!” In the end, a person’s life belongs to him alone, and only he can decide what and how to do.
You should not compare the situation that has arisen with others, even if they are very similar. You can’t say that “Vanya had the same thing last month, but he managed it, but you can’t.” This will sound like an attempt to belittle a person for being filled with grief. Every person is different, and everyone perceives problems differently.
The ability to empathize is a very important quality, but you should not resort to it if the person does not need your pity. It’s also impossible to pass by indifferently. Maybe your friend needs someone to just be there?
Everyone needs psychological help in a difficult situation, but it should be provided wisely. You should not leave a person alone, but at the same time you should not try to distract him from grief and somehow cheer him up. He may perceive this as a “feast during the plague” and then stop communicating with you due to your insensitivity.
In difficult times
You can help a person overcome difficult experiences without arranging special rescue operations or completing crisis psychology courses - the main thing is to show attentiveness and sensitivity. Don’t rush to take active steps and give advice on how to calm down, but listen to the situation. The more a person speaks out, the more the emotional intensity decreases; there are situations when, having told your problem to several friends in a row, negative emotions go away, the significance of bad events decreases, or the relevance of what is happening is completely lost.
Even if the situation is more complex and requires real intervention, then after your attentive and active listening, with supportive statements and clarifying questions, a plan for getting out of this situation may emerge or a certain rethinking will come. But you shouldn’t dwell on problems either - it’s one thing to tell your friends what’s happening in order to throw out burning emotions, and the situation develops completely differently if you allow a person to constantly wind himself up with retellings of what happened. As soon as you notice that mentioning a painful situation causes deterioration of the condition rather than emotional relief, gently change the topic of conversation, distracting from the discussion on the established topic. It is even better to distract and calm the person with activities.
Participation and an offer to help, expressed in a direct form, helps to calm a person down during a panic attack. You can ask how to help or offer your options for the person right now, even little things (bring water, wrap them in a blanket, give them a ride home, etc.).
And don't forget about physical contact - a hug, a friendly pat on the shoulder, a touch on the arm can do much more than any words. If the problem arises of how to calm a person at a distance, then contact techniques are not available, but you can influence a person’s emotional background using your own voice, namely volume and intonation. Try to speak measuredly, a little drawn out, bringing your voice closer to that of someone falling asleep, both in volume and intonation. Instinctive mechanisms of the psyche are triggered that it is impossible to sleep in danger, and if you fall asleep, it means it’s safe, then the other person has a subconscious perception of what is happening as less threatening.
In an extreme situation
The problem with extreme situations is that people who have known each other for a long time in different event scenarios give completely unpredictable reactions. The most common reactions are panic, stupor and hysteria. You need to work with them in different ways.
If a person is having a panic attack, focusing on breathing and nearby objects will help calm down. Initially, you will need to control his breathing, i.e. talk about the need to take breaths, make sure that they are not very deep (hyperventilation leads to loss of consciousness, which is already narrowed in panic) or too frequent (small amplitude of breaths can increase anxiety).
Shift the person’s attention from abstract concepts or attempts to evaluate the general stop to his well-being - warmth in the limbs, comfort of posture, ask him to do some small work (fold things, type a message).
You will have to get out of the stupor using physical methods, by lightly shaking or rocking the person. Immediately after being brought out of the stupor, all pent-up feelings may pour out, and hysteria will come. Here you need to silently listen to any text spoken, even with threats and insults addressed to you (you will hear an apology later, when the person has stabilized emotionally). If hysteria turns into threatening physical activity, then the task is solely to restrain destructive impulses - perhaps with your hands, you can pour water on it.
During extreme events, the question of how to calm a drunk person is especially important, because harm from his rash and over-emotional reactions can lead to catastrophic consequences. Methods of dealing with hysteria are suitable - listen or pour water on you when you notice that a person is completely losing control of his behavior. Control your own behavior - you need to remain calm and speak only to the point. Choose neutral phrases to calm the person down, in which it is impossible to provoke a new emotional outburst. And there is also a secret way - to pretend that you don’t notice the drunk, so you deprive him of the emotional feedback and the person either calms down or moves away further in search of those who will support his wave.
Types of emotional states
There are two main types of states in which a person can be if any problem arises - emotional stupor and hysteria. In this case, you should act completely differently.
- Hysteria in case of a nervous breakdown. In such a situation, the person should be supported somehow, despite his screams and curses, try to calm him down and wait out this state for 10-15 minutes. The hysteria most often ends and turns into an emotional stupor.
- Emotional stupor. In this case, the situation also cannot be left to chance - a loved one or anyone else must be taken out of this state. You can shake them by the shoulders, take them outside to get some fresh air, and so on.
In both cases, you should talk to the person softly, not raise your tone, and carefully touch on any topic that is sore for him. When the person finally comes to his senses, try to ask him about what happened, and if possible, offer your help. Remember, it is not enough to simply reassure a person with words, it is important that he feels supported as much as possible and can rely on you.
When you lose a loved one
The death of a loved one from illness, at predictable dates or due to extreme situations when it happens unexpectedly, always has a strong frustrating effect on those left to live. In addition to the immediate loved ones of the victims, those who will try to help them and somehow calm them down are also subject to secondary traumatization. This is what explains the stupor of many and the inability to find the right words to calm a person down.
There is no recipe that can, in one magic phrase or action, remove the pain of loss and calm a person who has lost a loved one, but you can help someone else experience grief and return to their life by forming new patterns of interaction. Do not try to distract the person from what happened with other conversations or proposals for activities - in the first period, all thoughts will still be devoted only to death, and your attempts can lead to withdrawal. If there are no words, then it is better to sit next to you and be silent, and you can start speaking only when the person experiencing grief turns to you, and it is better to listen to what he tells you.
What not to do
Since the suffering of others is unbearable for those nearby, and the desire to calm the person increases to the maximum and requires any decisive action, many stop worrying about who really needs reassurance now and make mistakes. Remember how a mother shouts at a crying child, trying to calm him down in this way, as a result, all participants in the situation become agitated. It’s worth listening to your feelings and walking away; if you find yourself unstable, let others calm you down.
You cannot devalue the cause of a person’s disorder, because this can greatly hurt. Those. those who mourn the dead do not need to be told that they are better now or that this should have happened, and a woman going through a divorce should not be told about her beauty and unworthiness of a man, because self-esteem is now at the lowest level, and the suffering from his absence is painful.
If you are going to help, then stay, and do not leave with the phrase that you will come on the first call. When a person needs reassurance, he cannot always adequately test reality in order to understand what help he needs, and he can also fall into such a deep depression, pick up the phone and not remember the phone number.
When you compare a person’s suffering with others (starving children in Africa, the disabled, the homeless), in an attempt to show that someone is now much worse off, then at best you will not be heard. By reacting more adequately, you can train an aggressive reaction or provoke a desire to emotionally shut down. When you personally are already fed up with the suffering or hysterics of another, then exclude yourself from the situation, and do not start ordering the person to calm down or switch. Believe me, if a person could do this, he would have done it long ago.
First aid for delirium tremens
If a person prone to binge drinking behaves inappropriately (suspiciousness, hallucinations, aggressiveness, motor restlessness), you should immediately call drug treatment or psychiatric emergency help.
The surest way to avoid delirium tremens is to stop drinking. If this cannot be done, narcologists advise not to abruptly leave the state of binge drinking.
Before her arrival, the patient must be put to bed, preferably even tied to the bed. For symptoms of delirium tremens, drinking plenty of fluids is recommended. Ice applied to the head usually helps to calm the patient. If you have sedatives or sleeping pills at home, they can also be used for pacification. In this state, a person poses a danger to others, so he must be under strict supervision.
