My daughter wakes up every night scared and cries heart-rendingly and...

Genophobia

— I have a fear of sex. For myself, I found an explanation for the appearance of this phobia - at the age of 14, I was severely spanked by my parents, who caught me watching adult films. After that, I had no desire to watch this kind of video, or masturbate, or have sex.

Everything changed at the age of 23 (until then I had remained a virgin) when I got married. You know, it's awkward to find out that you have a fear of sex on your wedding night. For the first time, my wife and I were able to make love about three weeks after the wedding, but this cannot be called sexual intercourse in the sense that you imagine it.

I am still afraid to have sex and avoid it. It causes panic attacks - I’m scared, I’m shaking, I hide in a corner in hysterics. I no longer have a wife, and it seems I will never have children either.

The psychiatrists I contacted say that the fear is far-fetched and there is no cure for fantasy. But this does not help me in real life - I am afraid of any sexual relations.

Claustrophobia

— I have a fear of closed spaces, which occurs when traveling on any type of transport, but I have a particularly bad reaction to the subway. It's hard to describe. This is a wild, unreasonable fear. I always give the analogy of an angry dog: you are standing in a dead end, there is nowhere to run, and a large dog with clearly unfriendly intentions is approaching you. This is how I feel about my panic attacks.

You can’t cope with them at all—you just have to wait and hope that it will just pass. Although there are tricks, they do not always work. For example, if you squeeze your temples, then unexpected pain can block the attack. There is another trick that sometimes works on the subway - walking around the car - the brain sometimes reflects my movement and thinks that we are moving towards the exit from the dungeon.

I don't know where this phobia came from, but I assume it was caused by a series of stresses and losses. The first time I had an attack was 14 years ago in early January, when I went to work. I went into the subway, the player was in my ears, I was in a great mood. Here is the carriage, the train has started, the tunnel. And then I have terrible fear, weakness, cold sweat. At first I thought that maybe I had not yet recovered from the New Year celebrations. But by the middle of the journey I realized that now I was just going to go crazy. That day I took a leave of absence from work, and the treatment procedure began.

Dealing with phobias is a difficult process. This is not fear, this is a full-fledged disease. Outpatient treatment at a local clinic yielded absolutely no results. Next was the neurosis clinic, where I spent 1.5 months. After being discharged, I could easily travel by metro for some time, but this remission was only until the first stress. Afterwards I went to the clinic several more times, but there were no more remissions. I think I'll have to take pills for the rest of my life.

WHO FLYS ON THE WINGS OF THE NIGHT?! OR HOW NOT TO BE AFRAID OF THE DARK

Do you often feel fear creeping into your soul when the lights turn off and the room is plunged into darkness? How terrible is walking along dark streets and alleys for you? Do you get goosebumps when night falls? If all this is scary and intimidating, then this article is for you. Draw the curtains, it's time to figure it out and face your fears!

Fear of the dark is a fairly common phenomenon among many people, especially children. Psychologists even have a name for it. It's called nyctophobia.

THE NATURE OF FEAR

Any fear is a protective function of our body to prevent possible danger. There is no need to brush him off. It is important to understand what exactly is bothering your subconscious. The fear of darkness has its roots in the primitive past. Our distant ancestors lived in caves. They could not calmly relax and soak in a warm bed. They had to be on alert all night. Attacks by wild animals and hostile tribes occurred at night. It is in our genetic memory that all the most terrible and frightening things happen under the cover of darkness.

During the daytime, all the main senses work harmoniously. But in the darkness, vision begins to fail. Objects change their color to a darker one. Silhouettes lose their clarity. Even close objects are difficult to see. The human brain needs a complete picture of the world around us. Otherwise he does not feel protected. He cannot obtain complete information through vision, so he turns on his imagination and begins to think about it. If the imagination is rich, then the most terrible things and images are drawn. Watching a horror movie or reading scary stories before bed are some of the worst gifts for your psyche. Then horrors from a movie or book will be added to the horrors from your imagination, and nightmares throughout the night are guaranteed.

Nyctophobia is also inherited. If one or both parents were pathologically afraid of the dark, then this will be passed on to the child in 80% of cases. Children subtly feel the moods and fears of their parents and project them onto themselves, acquiring uncertainty in the outside world and fear.

The roots of fear often come from a person's past. Not necessarily from childhood. It happens that a person received psychological trauma as an adult. For example, an attack on a dimly lit street, or thieves sneaking into the house at night. Since then, when night falls, he begins to be tormented by the fear of a repetition of the situation.

The dread of twilight goes hand in hand with loneliness. At night, loneliness is felt more strongly.

SYMPTOMS OF MANIFESTATION. PATHOLOGICAL NYCTOPHOBIA

Symptoms of nyctophobia are divided into psychological and physical.

Psychological symptoms:

• panic when turning off the lights;
• feeling of uncontrollable fear and hopelessness;
• loss of calm;
• insomnia or nightmares;
• fear when being alone in the dark.

Physiological symptoms:

• cardiopalmus;
• trembling in the hands or throughout the body;
• increased blood pressure;
• headache;
• increased sweating;
• feeling of weakness in the legs;
• stomach cramps.

If hysterics and severe panic attacks are added to these symptoms, up to the loss of control of one’s actions, then this is pathological nyctophobia. In this case, urgently contact a specialist; there is a possibility that nyctophobia will develop into schizophrenia or paranoia. Serious treatment is needed. For mild forms, use the advice of psychologists.

MISTAKES IN THE FIGHT WITH NICTOPHOBIA

Fear of the dark is common in life, so people do not take it seriously and do not take any complex and abstruse actions. Standard techniques are used.

• Sleeping with the lights on.

One of the most common home-grown methods. The person can see everything, and he falls asleep. But on a deep psychological level, fear does not go away. In addition, light during sleep prevents the body from fully resting and recuperating. You can try to get used to being in twilight by gradually reducing the amount of light every day.

• Wedge with wedge.

This advice is also controversial for the bravest. You need to spend as much time as possible in the dark. There are 50 to 50 chances here. Either you adapt and will be in the darkness without fear, or you will strengthen his power over you, bringing yourself to paranoia.

ADVICE FROM PSYCHOLOGISTS

Psychologists have other useful and effective ways to help. The most important thing is to understand that darkness in itself is not scary, what is scary is what our imagination draws in it.

• Realize the cause of fear.

Look inside yourself and answer the question “What exactly scares you in the dark.” Write down on paper everything that comes to mind and carefully analyze each point.

If the reasons are rational, then think about how you can prevent it. For example, the anxiety that a maniac will break into the house is reduced by installing additional locks or bars on the windows. Be sure to close and check all doors and windows in the house before going to bed. In this case, anxiety will disappear and you will sleep more peacefully. You will feel that you are safe.

The reasons may be fantastic, for example, you are afraid that an ominous clown will drag you into the creepy land of Underbed. Think about it, are there really such harmful clowns?! Will they fit under the bed?! You can even check and look under the bed. Oh, so much dust! Well, if he really appears, he will warn you with a loud sneeze.

Remember how they fought Bogart in Harry Potter. This is a creature that turns into man's greatest fear. Imagine your Bogart at his most ridiculous. Funny doesn't seem dangerous. Laughter will help overcome anxiety.

• Correct daily routine.

It is advisable to organize your day in such a way that you get up earlier and go to bed earlier. Avoid daytime naps. This way there will be no difficulty falling asleep. As you know, with insomnia and difficulty falling asleep, heavy thoughts enter the head, and all fears intensify.

• Create peace before bed.

Before darkness falls, ensure yourself a relaxing state. Run a warm bath with essential oils. Feel how the scent of the oil soothes, how the water caresses your body and relieves all tension. Turn on soothing music, it will put you in a pleasant mood. Read a pleasant book before bed.

• Watch your diet.

Don't overeat at night, but don't go to bed on an empty stomach either. Both overeating and undereating will prevent you from falling asleep quickly. Optimally a light dinner 2 hours before bedtime. Don't drink coffee or strong tea. Don't indulge in alcoholic drinks. They will put you to sleep, but such a dream will not give you health.

• Create your own background noise.

Play soothing music or go to bed to the sounds of rain, birdsong or the sound of the forest. Choose your own sounding atmosphere for sleeping, and you will no longer pay attention to “suspicious creaks” in the kitchen.

• Make a change.

It happens that the very situation in the room or individual objects at night inspire horror. This can be easily resolved. Rehang the mirror so that creepy images do not appear in it. Throw away the nightmare-inducing picture. Move the furniture to eliminate her nighttime anxiety perception. Replace dark gloomy colors with light, joyful colors. Hang curtains on the windows. Create a positive and safe atmosphere in your home.

Be sure to give yourself a night light. It will create unobtrusive lighting and add coziness to your nest. Falling asleep will become easier and more comfortable.

• Get a pet.

It is common knowledge that animals relieve tension in the home. Cats and dogs cope best with this. Cats are infectious with their calmness and relaxation. With a dog you will feel like you are under the protection of a faithful friend. In addition, they relieve feelings of loneliness.

• Learn to switch.

When panic sets in, immediately turn your thoughts to happy memories, dreams and plans. Call your loved ones, friends. Turn on the TV, go to social networks. Read a funny book. If you are a believer, pray. Prayer works wonders when it is truly believed. Do whatever you want, but don’t give the slightest opportunity for negativity to settle in your head.

• Breathing practices.

Psychologists also recommend doing Samavritti breathing practice (or equal breathing) before going to bed. Sit comfortably, keep your back straight. Inhale, counting to 4, then hold your breath a little and exhale, also counting to 4. Breathe through your nose. Make sure that the inhalation, pause and exhalation are equal in time. You can simply take deep breaths and exhales.

Fears and anxieties, one way or another, haunt us all our lives. Remember that it is normal to be afraid. This means that your instinct of self-preservation is well developed. Understand that darkness is not the enemy. The process of changing day and night is created by nature for our health. In the dark, stronger and healthier sleep, which promotes full recovery of the body and even weight loss. In the dark, the hormone melatonin is produced. This hormone is a natural defense against cancer. Darkness is necessary to maintain our biorhythms. Make friends with darkness, and it will only benefit you.

Have a safe night!

Author of the article Irina Pomogaeva.