One child eagerly explores the entire playground, while the second timidly paws at the ground with the toe of his shoe, blushing even at the prospect of saying “Hello” to someone. We’re exaggerating, of course, but there is a grain of truth here: all children are different. For some, communication comes easier, for others it’s harder, some are naturally sociable extroverts, while others are more interested in being alone with themselves.
But shyness and natural unsociability are two different things. And if it’s normal to be uncommunicative, then there is nothing good about shyness; it prevents you from achieving goals and establishing social connections.
Let's talk about how to distinguish shyness from lack of sociability, and what to do with a shy child.
What is this reason? This is self-dislike.
The people around us are complex creatures. While still children, each of them was faced with the fact that he might be bad, not very beautiful, not very sociable, not worthy of love, not worthy of attention, etc. All these complexes are born from the flow of criticism and information that a person receives from his parents, neighbors, educators, teachers and relatives. Then these complexes become stronger in adolescence, when a person can no longer feel free, liberated and worthy of everything, which is reflected in relationships with peers. It turns out that from childhood a person seems to go through all the stages of the emergence, formation and consolidation of various complexes.
Coming into adulthood, everyone has their own ideas about what they are good at and what they are bad at. The vast majority can easily talk about their shortcomings and bad character traits, failures and mistakes. And only a few can tell something good about themselves. It turns out that despite the fact that all people have positive and negative sides, many pay attention to what is bad in them, devaluing the good that they also have. And only a small part pays more attention to something positive in their personality, accepting the negative sides.
Such dislike for oneself, starting from childhood, leads to the development of various character traits that inhibit a full-fledged existence, and somatic diseases. A person doesn’t like something about himself, is embarrassed by it, doesn’t want to show it to others, which forces him to close himself off, hold back, deceive, and generally avoid the company of people. A person himself does not like some aspects of his “I”, and at the same time projects a similar attitude onto other people. It seems to him that since he does not love himself, it means that no one is capable of loving him. And often, instead of even changing something bad in himself to something good and loved, he continues to shun those around him, leaving the problem as it is. In other words, the individual not only does not like himself, which leads to various kinds of funny situations with people, but he also does not try to get rid of what is unpleasant to him.
So, what is shyness? This is basic self-dislike. A person is so fixated on his negative aspects of personality that he tries to make them invisible to others. To do this, he uses various methods that simply slow down his movement of both the physical body and the mental, emotional, and spiritual. He seems to be immobilized, because he carefully controls himself so that the people around him do not notice his negative sides and he again does not experience the whole flow of negative information that he heard addressed to him when he was little. It turns out that all these complexes are just a person’s childish reaction to something that once greatly traumatized him.
Self-love frees you from many problems. Complexes disappear because they are no longer perceived as something bad. Yes, they will stay with you, but why do you consider them bad? You may be surrounded by people who don't view your shortcomings as bad aspects of your personality. They might even like you even more. Try to love yourself with all your qualities, because there are no perfect people. Start seeing your flaws as the things that make you special, unique, and extraordinary. This is wonderful! And there is no need to be shy about this! Love yourself, and perhaps you will notice that the people around you already love you for who you are.
In the dictionary Complete accentuated paradigm according to A. A. Zaliznya
shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy those who are shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy, shy
Share the meaning of the word:
What is shyness?
The psychological help website psymedcare.ru has already answered a little about the question of what shyness is. What do psychologists think about this? They define shyness as a character quality that is determined by a psychological feature when a person is not confident in himself or does not have developed social communication skills. Shyness is marked by stiffness, indecisiveness, timidity, tension, and awkwardness.
A shy person is simply afraid of hearing criticism addressed to him. That's why he is shy, because it allows him to do nothing. And he who does nothing cannot make mistakes.
Shyness is not the same concept as social phobia. A shy person is not afraid of people, but simply behaves awkwardly when communicating with them. A sociophobe simply avoids the company of people, since they themselves cause fear in him, and not just their behavior.
The fate of a shy person is loneliness, lack of success, unsociability and secrecy. Such a person never achieves success, since shyness is not just a character trait, but a pattern of behavior that implies passivity and doing nothing.
Shyness is the quality of a person who, in the company of unfamiliar or unfamiliar people, behaves constrained, withdrawn, and quiet. A shy person can sometimes be overlooked. But if your meeting takes place in the company of a shy person, then it is simply impossible not to notice the silence and constraint of the interlocutor.
Shyness is cultivated. It is a product of the upbringing of parents who suppressed the will of the child, bad experiences communicating with strangers, as well as social rules that tell how to behave and what to do when meeting others. Who benefits from shyness?
- Shyness allows a person not to reveal himself. They ask him, and he answers with monosyllabic phrases, they call him, but he doesn’t go, they offer him, but he doesn’t take. This is similar to the instinct of self-preservation, only in this case no one threatens the shy person.
If shyness also manifests itself in communication with familiar people, then here we can say that it helps him to be a good person in their eyes. If you haven't done anything, then you can't be judged. But a shy person does nothing, so it’s impossible to say anything bad about him. “Just a good person,” that’s what people can say about a shy interlocutor.
- Sometimes other people can benefit from shyness. For example, a shy person does not stop people from doing things with him that do not require strength from him. As they say, “sit back and have fun, and we will do everything for you, using you.”
Sometimes shyness makes a person excellent, to whom you can shift all the responsibility. He agrees to do some useful work, which quite often is not interesting to people who know how to take advantage of “silent” and “uptight” people.
In fact, shyness is a side quality. Perhaps people do not want to make shy people, but cautious or hardworking ones, but they raise closed slaves who can be used for their own purposes.
Shyness concept
Shyness is a peculiar behavior that is characterized by indecision, tension and awkwardness in society, when an individual is unsure of himself or is not sufficiently adapted to certain conditions of society. This is a feature of the individual’s psyche.
Shyness and self-consciousness are used interchangeably in certain contexts.
A shy person is constantly afraid of doing something wrong, doubts the correctness of his words and actions, and is dependent on the opinions of others. Researchers believe that this trait is hereditary, like eye color or mental ability.
Negative consequences of shyness can include:
- difficulties in making new acquaintances and friends;
- difficulties in unfamiliar social situations;
- inability to behave and think adequately due to excessive anxiety about one’s actions;
- a state of constant stress, which can lead to depression.
Reasons for Shyness
It is difficult to determine the main reasons for the development of shyness, since there is no clear period when this quality begins to form in a person. Some suggest that shyness is an innate quality that simply cannot be avoided if it is embedded in a person.
Others believed that shyness is a person’s reaction to fear of external messages that are directed at him. Shyness is a defensive reaction of a person who is afraid of negative actions or words from other people. It’s better to do nothing and seem like a good, kind, weak person than to fight and constantly face criticism and dissatisfaction from others.
Still others suggest that shyness is a disharmony between the intellect, where social rules are stored, instincts and adaptation to the world around us.
From birth, a person has a lack of strength and capabilities. Some have physical disabilities. All this makes a person feel inferior. This forms the basis of shyness when a person chooses the path of loneliness. Anyone who does not know how to cooperate with other people follows the path of loneliness.
Shy behavior manifests itself in a complex of such deviations:
- Inability to say no.
- Caution.
- Inability to stand your ground.
- Fear of contact and criticism.
Such a person becomes dependent, dependent, insecure and passive, which is why it is necessary to correct this quality.
How to overcome shyness?
Psychologists give a lot of advice on how to overcome shyness. They are as follows:
- Don't compare yourself to others. Allow yourself to be an individual.
- Don't try to get ahead of someone.
- Communicate with unfamiliar people, make contact.
- Increase your vocabulary, develop communication skills.
- Feel free to face situations in which you feel fear, self-doubt, etc. Try to solve problems rather than run away from them.
- Celebrate the strong, positive aspects of your personality. Pay more attention to them and not to your own shortcomings.
- Resolve the traumatic situation that once made you shy. Solve the problem, sort it out together with a psychologist.
- Visualize yourself as a brave person in any situation. Visualize frightening situations and how you bravely cope, communicate, act, and solve the problem.
- Don’t be afraid to refuse and face rejection yourself. The word “no” is normal and as valid as the word “yes”.
Increasing self-esteem by any means helps eliminate shyness.
How to get rid of shyness?
Shy people often become victims in the hands of more arrogant and confident people. In order not to become another toy in the wrong hands, you should get rid of shyness. If not with a psychologist, then you can work through the following points yourself:
- Love yourself completely. Notice both your strengths and weaknesses. Don't be afraid to show others your weaknesses and flaws. Respect the whole person within you and make people respect the whole person.
- Focus on the success and good fortune that happened to you. Strive for even greater achievements and reward yourself for success every time.
- Try not to judge or criticize, but to objectively evaluate yourself and those around you. React appropriately to who you are and what you can do. Adequately evaluate those around you, without making them great or the most intelligent.
- Communicate more with successful people (they usually do not have the habit of criticizing others). Watch them and try to behave in a similar way.
- Be independent.
- Don't make excuses.
- Don't try to please.
- Allow yourself not to know something and make mistakes.
Meditation
Believing in your success, luck and beauty can be difficult. We advise you to resort to the ancient Eastern practice of meditation. There are enough detailed descriptions of meditation on the Internet, so we will not describe the technical side of the issue. Let's just set the topic: success. Convince yourself that your life has taken place, and the future beckons with bright prospects. As soon as this thought is firmly rooted in your subconscious, shyness will begin to recede.
Bottom line
Shyness is a defensive reaction that helps a person isolate himself from criticism from people and unpleasant moments, mistakes, and failures. At the same time, the person does not achieve any success. The result is emptiness, when a person becomes uninteresting, lonely, withdrawn.
Further life depends on the decision of the most shy person what to do with his quality. If it helps, then you should learn to use it in time. If it interferes with your life, then it is better to get rid of it safely.
