Just friends, or friend zone. What to do?

Adviсe

• "Friend Zone"
• Why do women need a friend zone and what does it mean to be a friend?
• What motivates friend zone owners?
• How do you know if you're in a guy's friend zone?
• How to get out of the friend zone?
• 4 cool movies about the friend zone
• Spider-Man (2002), directed by Sam Raimi
• Friends with Benefits (2011), directed by Will Gluck
• With Love, Rosie (Love, Rosie) 2014, directed by Christian Ditter
• The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012), directed by Stephen Chbosky

The word “friend zone”, insidious in its content, may be unknown to members of the older generation, but it is popular among teenagers and young people. Both boys and girls risk ending up inside it, that is, falling into a situation of eternal friendly relations. Let's find out what the mysterious "friend zone" is, how to avoid getting into it, and how to get out of it with minimal losses if you're already inside.

"Friend Zone"

What is a friend zone? This word comes from the English “friendzone”, which means “friend zone”, that is, a relationship between a guy and a girl or between a man and a woman in which one is in love, and the other does not have the same warm feelings for him, does not see him as sexual partner and treats the poor guy exclusively as a friend.

“Friendzoned” means that a woman is ready to be friends with you, but not to build a romantic relationship

Due to natural instincts and historically established traditions of intergender relations, representatives of the male sex most often find themselves in the role of a “friend” in love, and the object of their love is girls or women. In order to keep a man in the zone of psychological reach, but outside of sensual and physical relationships, women have a lot of reasons, which we will dwell on in more detail a little later.

Situations when a woman finds herself in the role of an eternal “friend” also occur, but much less frequently. Possible option: a man is pleased to have a beautiful and/or smart woman nearby, looking at him with admiring eyes, but for a number of reasons he cannot allow a closer relationship - he is married, doubts his attitude towards her, is afraid of excessive intrusive female affection, etc. d. However, it is a rare woman who will tolerate such a condescending attitude towards herself - to wait for years until the object of her desires decides to get to know each other more closely (as a rule, the fast-moving time and female pride do not allow this).

An honest man will immediately dot all the i's: if he has no feelings for a woman, he will tell her about it directly

But how can a girl understand whether you are in a guy’s friend zone or not? It is important for a woman in love to understand that she is inside this insidious circle of relationships, which, most likely, will lead nowhere. That’s why you shouldn’t be afraid of a frank conversation that would help find out what’s really going on.

Why does a guy need this?

To find the answer to this question, it's worth looking for motivation. If you, for example, are fellow students, he probably uses your knowledge so as not to have problems with his studies. Maybe he borrows money or uses other material goods, or maybe he uses you as a vest in which to cry.

If you have a suspicion that all this so-called friendship is somehow beneficial to him, you can try to at least temporarily become useless to him in order to somehow classify his attitude towards you.

Why do women need a friend zone and what does it mean to be a friend?

As already mentioned, the friend zone for girls is simply a gift of fate. The young man in it (for girls skilled in manipulation, there is more than one!), who is head over heels in love with the object of adoration and does not lose hope in the subsequent possession of it, is always there, solving problems, fulfilling desires and whims. And at the same time it serves as an alternate airfield, where the girl will still have time to land if a more attractive option is not found in a year or two or three.

The financial aspect of this situation is also important: a man, as a rule, is ready to spend a lot of money on his beloved, just to achieve reciprocity. Restaurants, cinema, wonderful gifts for any reason or no reason, exotic tours - it’s profitable for a woman to lead a man by the nose, even if it doesn’t last long: a man is also not a fool to spend money on kisses on the cheek and endless affectionate, as well as promising nothing from women views.

Some women lead men by the nose, keep them in the very friend zone, while receiving pleasant bonuses in the form of gifts and attentions

What does friend zone mean?

If we take the literal translation - a friendly zone or a friend zone. This is what comes after the phrase: “Let’s remain just friends.”

It can be heard if:

• The girl has lost interest in you;
• No relationship was planned;
• The lady has a more interesting option “looming” on the horizon;
• They don’t want to offend you and try to refuse you in an easy way.

However, moving to this very friend zone is not always associated with high moral principles.

Sometimes it happens quite the opposite:

1. The girl wants to receive as much attention from you as possible without giving anything in return;
2. The young lady has selfish plans for you;
3. In this way, it is more convenient for your “chosen one” to manipulate you and force you to do exactly what she wants;
4. You only have to use 1 person as a boyfriend, but you can have many reliable friends.

In any case, you were recognized as an illiquid commodity in the relationship market. It is quite possible that this situation suits you and you initially did not plan anything more intimate. On the other hand, this phrase itself is a powerful blow to pride. Yes, maybe you didn’t want anything yourself, but why doesn’t she want anything?

What motivates friend zone owners?

The reasons for falling into the friend zone or keeping a person in love in it are based on the basics of human psychology, and therefore are easily explained:

Backup option . A common case is when a guy or girl keeps a friend on a short leash and won’t let him go due to the lack of a better partner. Such a friend is a way to while away lonely evenings, perhaps not as innocently as it should be for friends, but the lover does not receive any promises and still consoles himself with hopes for the next stage of the relationship. The situation will resolve itself as soon as he or she appears on the horizon - the best one or the best. Contacts with an old friend will be minimized, but not completely abandoned: if this new option does not work out, you can try to win back the victim in love or transfer her back to the friend zone. Caution and mistrust . One day (or more than once), a broken heart of a guy or girl no longer wants to be deceived: the friend zone in this case is a test of one’s own and other people’s feelings over time. Sympathy and its manifestations are quite possible, but developing relationships will require considerable patience. Vent and vest . It’s easier to cry on the shoulder of the opposite sex, and it’s easier to get the support you need in difficult times from an adoring person - he will come on the first call, reassure you, and give advice. And for those who want to get emotional release - here you go, a friend will have fun, take you to the movies, and keep you company on skis. Such a pastime, in fact, does not oblige you to anything, but it makes you wary: such “friendship” is evidence that the owner of the friend zone has no real friends. Triangle . The object of adoration has a permanent partner, but everything is not easy there and does not allow all expectations to come true: lack of sincere conversations, attention, joint recreation, gifts, etc. encourages the dissatisfied to create a friend zone in order to, with the help of those in it, “get” what the permanent partner does not provide. A difficult situation that can cause jealousy and a complete break in relationships, and therefore it is better to think through possible negative developments in advance. Material considerations . A common situation in relationships is when a wealthy and generous young man falls into a woman’s “friendly” trap. For the sake of attention and love, he is ready to give a woman expensive gifts, arrange romantic meetings, and make unexpected surprises. If a girl’s heart is free, then being in the friend zone of such a charming and generous man with attention and gifts may not last long - he has every chance of moving from the “friend” category to the “lover” category. Soul mate . Well, it so happened that this soul turned out to be of the opposite sex... But the commonality of interests and outlook on life allows us to create pleasant and comfortable communication together, and therefore it is very difficult to refuse it - alas, sometimes you have to sacrifice the serious feelings of one of the couple.

There are at least 6 reasons why people friendzone someone

GuruTest

Someone might say that friendship is still better than indifference: you are accepted, your opinion is taken into account... But on the other hand, they don’t like you. Being just a friend is sometimes completely unbearable: your loved one is nearby, and at the same time so far away. You have to watch how he gets new girls, understand that you would never treat him as cruelly as your rivals do. And be silent. After all, confessing your love first is so scary: if you refuse, you risk losing not just your loved one, but also your true friend.

In addition, you do not need to give your relationship a certain vector; you will have to rebuild everything completely, destroying friendship and trying to create something new on the remaining foundation. And this is sometimes even more difficult than building a relationship from the very beginning. If you are afraid that, having learned about your feelings, a man will stop communicating with you, proceed carefully.

Dress up

If your friend considers you "their boy" and is used to always wearing trousers, try surprising him by wearing a dress or skirt and elegant makeup. Perhaps he simply forgot that you are a woman, and now, seeing you in a new image, he will suddenly remember. Show him that you are not just a good friend, but also a beautiful girl worth paying attention to. Don’t overdo it: choose your wardrobe in such a way as to impress your chosen one, but without feeling awkward, because you simply need confidence in your own abilities now. If you are going, for example, to nature, it is better to choose something more comfortable, and leave the beauty for another time, otherwise, instead of admiration for your person, you risk causing only cheerful laughter and your own irritation.

Write first less often

If you constantly invite him to go out and always agree to take part in all his ideas, try to pull back a little. Show your man that you have a life outside of him. If you are “busy” even occasionally, a man may decide that you have someone. This is a good way to make him jealous. And from jealousy it’s one step to realizing that he likes you. Try flirting a little with someone in front of him. Men are owners; seeing that other men like you, he will definitely take a closer look at you.

By slightly distancing the man from you, you consider yourself among the girls who need to be pursued, which means that you will be on the path to your cherished goal - love and relationships.

Show weakness

Another way to remind your friend that you are a woman is to show your weakness. Ask to move something heavy, reinstall something on the computer, nail a shelf. The main thing is not to resort to what you have already successfully done more than once yourself, without anyone’s help, and your friend knows about it. He will immediately guess that you are calling him to you for a reason and, most likely, will be scared. His first thought will be that he is losing a friend, not that a girl has fallen in love with him. It is best for him to be the initiator of the relationship, not you, no matter how much you love him.

Show you care

In women, men look for affection, tenderness and warmth. Give him this: try to prove yourself. For example, knowing that he will walk with you all day, take with you the pies you prepared so that he can eat when he gets hungry. He will be pleased, he will suddenly understand that you are thinking about him and are ready to provide him with comfort. Perhaps it is after this that his eyes will open, and he will see in you an ideal life partner: one who knows him like no one else, who is always ready to support him as a friend, but who cares like a beloved woman.

If all else fails and your friend still hasn’t paid attention to you, try telling him about your feelings in plain text. But it’s worth doing this if you can no longer see the person you like next to you and don’t have the opportunity to meet him. After all, if he really “loves you just like a sister” and sees you only as a friend, you will no longer be able to be friends as before. There will definitely be awkward pauses between you, which will sooner or later lead to the end of your friendship.

Men are often conservative and find it difficult to accept changes in their lives. If a man is used to seeing you as a friend, this does not mean that he cannot see you as a girl. Perhaps he is simply not ready yet, something has not happened that can make him reconsider his opinion. Try to use ways to conquer any man to achieve what you want. There is a chance to be liked in any situation, the main thing is not to miss it. Take care of yourself, have a successful relationship, share your experience, if you have one, in the comments. And don't forget to press the buttons and

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08.07.2018 04:01

How do you know if you're in a guy's friend zone?

The primary indicators of the presence of a friend zone in a relationship are:

frequent complaints from the object of adoration and his constant requests for help , which do not take into account the “friend’s” capabilities, including financial ones; This also includes regular calls at any time of the day or night, telling about the next “trouble” that has happened; discussing “exes”, girlfriends, friends, mutual acquaintances - with a person for whom you have tender feelings, it would be simply illogical and unethical to discuss such things; hearing constant phrases like “you are like a brother/sister to me,” you should be sure that VIP seats are reserved for you in the friend zone; sometimes the appearance of the object of sympathy is indicative : a girl comes to a date in a shabby sweater and without makeup, or a guy doesn’t even try to comb his hair before the meeting - they don’t care how they look in the eyes of a “friend,” because in this case the task is not to attract people with their appearance.

But here, too, a variation is possible: physical attractiveness can become bait for tenacious retention in friend zone networks for a long time

if the girl object shamelessly drags her girlfriend to the movies and theaters , and the guy object does not strive for privacy, for the third month inviting his girlfriend in the company of friends, noisy parties with a bunch of the same girlfriends, etc. - here it is, the friend zone. In such cases, if a girl is friendzoned, it means that the guy does not have any personal relationships that allow him to hope to get closer to her.

An adult consciously or intuitively understands the absurdity of the current situation and its unnaturalness. He does not receive a full-fledged relationship, but continues day after day, month after month, to be fueled by illusory hopes. What to do when you get tired of it and you need to somehow decide on the future?

It's better to talk to find out whether you are in the friend zone or not

How to avoid being friendzoned by a girl

To avoid getting into the friend zone from the first meeting, follow the instructions:

1. Be strong and confident.
2. Demonstrate to her in every possible way that you are in demand.
3. Be a little brutal, but don't show off.
4. Don't make fun of yourself.
5. Show your unavailability.
6. Don't talk about her exes and don't have any heart-to-heart conversations.
7. Flirt with the girl constantly.

In the video, the author will tell you in detail how to avoid the friend zone and get out of it if you find yourself in the ranks of friends:

How to get out of the friend zone?

In order not to bite your elbows later from psychological pain, not to cry into your pillow (for girls and women), not to hate all these “liars and witches” (for guys and men), you should leave the friend zone immediately, as soon as you understand that... That’s not the case here : I’m being bullied, used, kept as a backup option.

Just as in any situation, there are two ways out of the friend zone : one is positive - leading towards the development of further relationships and moving to a new level of communication; the other is negative, which unfortunately will lead to the cessation of relationships altogether, including friendly ones.

How to do everything right and get into the right psychological door, which is fraught with such a desired object of desire? How to overcome the friend zone in a relationship ? There are some simple recommendations:

Disappear from the sight of the object of affection for a while : he will worry - there is a chance for further positive development of the relationship, he will not remember the “friend” and after a week - a clear friend zone and the question: “Do I need it?” Eliminate for the object of sympathy the possibility of everyday sobbing on the shoulder , endless stories about “ex” and calls at any time of the day with ridiculous requests (from going to the store to sitting with a younger brother or sister). As soon as the object of affection understands that the free vest and/or the housekeeper and nanny have rebelled, the relationship will develop in one direction or another. Make it clear about sexual desires that are unusual for just friends. Sometimes even an ordinary kiss puts everything in its place: hearing after it “I can’t”, “we’re just friends”, “don’t do that again” is a reason to think and start packing your things for eviction from the friend zone and breaking up the relationship. Shown jealousy instantly removes the relationship from the category of friendship : where there is jealousy, there are feelings - a friend will never allow himself to show possessiveness. The subject will not be able to close his eyes to this, and his reaction will tell him what to do next. An unpretentious way that rarely anyone remembers, preferring roundabout ways: you just need to talk . An honest admission of your own feelings and the reaction of the other party to them in the relationship will show the true situation - yes or no. When planning a conversation, it is recommended to think through the negative development of events, what to do then? Say “thank you” for the wonderful time spent and disappear, so as not to etch the wounds in your heart.

Whatever the outcome of the attempt to leave the friend zone, it will end the ambiguity and uncertainty of the situation

It should be understood that no matter how the attempt to leave the friend zone ends, it will end the ambiguity and uncertainty of the position of those in it. Even ending the relationship will be a better option than unfulfilled hopes, constant doubts and emotional torment.

How not to remain only friends?

The friend zone is a place where no one wants to end up. Nobody ever. This is a relationship format in which:

1. The girl and the guy are just friends;
2. The lady receives all the attention and “goodies” that she would have in a relationship;
3. The young man is rewarded with a great and delightful nothing;
4. One person pushes another around, using his feelings or simply spitting on them.

Both girls and boys can get into such an unpleasant situation. It all depends on the model of behavior and the degree of attractiveness for the partner. The less interested a person is in you and the more insecure you behave, the higher the chances of remaining just friends. The main lesson is to send a cultural message after such a proposal, cutting off all contacts.

Millions of our fellow citizens on personal fronts are in the friend zone, which they know firsthand. Do not underestimate this infection; use personal protective equipment.