How to care for a girl and arrange your personal life. 10 tips from the 18th century (10 photos)

Author: Sergey

31 July 2020 10:09

Tags: history, courtship rules, facts  

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Printed love literature entered Russian culture in 1730, with the publication of Paul Talman’s novel “Riding to the Island of Love,” translated by Vasily Kirillovich Trediakovsky, where, with the help of allegorical figures acting in an imaginary space, the inglorious story of a young man’s love adventures is told.

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The description of imaginary love feelings is a construct that both reproduces the existing norm and transmits it to readers. Therefore, a romance novel or story can fully be considered a textbook of feelings, where the lessons are given in a pleasant and unobtrusive form. How this normalizing component of the European novel affected the Russian reader can be judged, for example, by love experiences and the famous letter of Tatyana Larina. Russian novels and tales of the 18th century, although relatively few in number, can serve as a basis for reconstruction here no worse than the famous "deceptions of Richardson and Rousseau" (from which they were directly inspired).

When should you start courtship?

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A fragment of a map from “The True News of the Most Glorious Fortress Called Inclination.” 1765 © Russian State Library In the 18th century, literature was characterized by the idea that the driving force behind any faithful love relationship should be marriage. This idea can be clearly seen, for example, in the allegorical book by the German engineer Georg Andreas Böckler, “True news of the most glorious fortress called Inclination, its note worthy of a siege and capture together with the attached drawing,” translated by engineering officer Matvey Begichev. Begichev translated Böckler’s book in 1751, while engaged in the construction of one of the fortresses of the Ukrainian Line, and published it in 1765. This was one of the first publications of the printing house, renewed under the Artillery and Engineering Cadet Corps (Begichev just became its director). The book was apparently intended to be read by cadets as an edifying text - and at the same time a fascinating manual on fortification. In the “Genuine News”, in particular, it is reported that only one gate with a gate called “mariage” - that is, “marriage” - leads into the “fortress called Inclination”. “The ditch around the fortress is swampy and deep, filled with obstacles. At this fortress there is only one firmly built gate with a small gate, called a mariage, so that you can go out and in both at night and during the day...” G. A. Böckler. “The true news of the most glorious fortress called Inclination”

Where and how to meet the object of your love?

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The first pages of the story “Leinard and Termilia, or the Ill-fated Fate of Two Lovers.” 1784 © Russian State Library The writer Natalya Neelova, author of the story “Leinard and Termilia, or the Ill-fated Fate of Two Lovers,” gives a detailed answer to this question: in order to meet the girl you like more often, you need to find an intermediary who will introduce you to her parents’ house. After this, you need to get a separate invitation from them, and then you can start traveling alone. “Leinard, a young and rich man, adorned with many considerable gifts of nature and having a sensitive heart, was once in a large company where there were many girls; By the way, Termilia, the daughter of a rich widow, was also there. Her excellent beauty, modesty and decency in her actions attracted eyes on her, which he could no longer turn away from her. She, sitting there, talked with one woman, whom Leinard considered her mother, in which he was not deceived, for she really was her mother. He began to try to look for an opportunity to enter into a conversation with her, which he soon succeeded in doing. Talking with her, he found her intelligence even superior to her beauty... Having revealed these feelings to the owner of the house, who was a good friend of his, he convinced him with a request to bring him into the house of Termilina’s mother and introduce him to her. He willingly agreed to this. He, thinking that it would be indecent to bring him to her house without letting her know about it first, sent to her to ask permission and received a very polite answer that she wanted to see Leinard at home. Mrs. D*** (that’s the name of Termilin’s mother) received him very politely and kindly and asked him to go to her, which he happily obeyed and after that he visited her alone very often.” N. Neelova. "Leinard and Termilia, or the Ill-fated Fate of Two Lovers"

Rules for communicating with girls

Avoid idle chatter

Many people hesitate to tell a girl about their intentions for fear of being misunderstood or rejected. Instead of immediately telling the girl about their intentions and views on their relationship, guys delay it, waiting for a better moment. They have to listen to all sorts of primordially feminine topics during conversation, pretending that they are incredibly interested in it.

For example, conversations about fashion, clothes, girlfriends, frills. Instead of fueling the relationship, mutual attraction, the guy, with his flattering assents, forced the girl to label him “my girlfriend.” Even if the lady initially considered him as her boyfriend. Communication devastated the guy only because he was afraid to dare to object to her topics of conversation, believing that such tactics would bring them closer.

What conclusion can we draw? Conducting empty chatter, reducing communication to verbal diarrhea, in order to please - this is a weak type of behavior. Women like to communicate with men who know what they want and who have their own opinions. Which can show what female behavior, communication, conversation is acceptable and what is not. And most importantly, who are not afraid of being rejected.

Remember , nothing kills a relationship like stupid communication or empty chatter about nothing. Therefore, try to avoid such topics when talking.

Remember your worth

A guy’s communication with a girl goes something like this: he initiates an acquaintance, introduces boring topics, and they begin to communicate. The girl says something, and the guy listens attentively, assenting to her. For each new round of her words, the gentleman tries to invent a story about how something similar happened to him.

The girl has long since seen through him, so she specifically mocks the efforts and inventions of her interlocutor, talking all sorts of nonsense. The guy assents, as if such nonsense deserves serious attention, remembering every word that comes out of the girl’s mouth. Thus, he ascribes more value to the girl than he possesses himself. As a result, the lady will quickly get tired of such communication, and they will break up.

Therefore, it is better to immediately and honestly say: “I’m not interested in this, I don’t know much about it, so let’s change the subject.” So the young man will interrupt the girl’s chatter, making it clear that he does not intend to listen to any nonsense. Such honesty or tactics will awaken respect in the girl for the guy, after which their communication will take a new form.

Avoid Testing

Some guys literally reduce their communication with girls to an interview for the role of a wife. They pretend to be a boss who needs an efficient subordinate. For example, they ask “can you cook, do you want children, will you work?”

Remember , you should not put pressure on a girl with such tests, evaluate or judge her, wanting to continue a mutual relationship. Just enjoy the process of communication itself.

Awkward moments of silence

Young people are simply terrified of such moments when talking. Therefore, they nervously start the process of searching for “what to say next,” starting to talk all sorts of nonsense. They forcefully squeeze out some uninteresting, boring stories, stupid jokes just so as not to seem like a boring person.

This completely undermines their confidence. Therefore, they mentally immerse themselves even more in soul-searching, looking for the next topics of conversation. So, with all the cells of their body they transmit their nervousness to the girl.

Remember , a lady does not need a guy who is a buffoon or a buffoon who can always entertain her. She will not communicate just because he is able to always find a topic for conversation. The girl continues to communicate with the guy because she is comfortable in his environment. Therefore, avoid panicking if there is a pause while you are talking.

Remember: what turns a girl off most of all is not silence, but nervousness and internal discomfort conveyed by the “gentleman” to his interlocutor.

This does not mean that you now need to sit and be silent. Just be honest and tell her your thoughts. For example, you can say: “listen, such an awkward moment happened when I had nothing to say. I'm going through a bunch of topics in my head, and it seems to me that none of them are interesting. Maybe I look funny in your eyes, but I really don’t know what to talk about. I'm probably speechless because...(insert compliment to girl).

This method of eliminating awkward pauses in communication works better than stupid jokes or boring stories to brighten up the silence. If a girl is friendly with her head, then such tactics will not repel her; on the contrary, she will like her interlocutor.

Stay positive by avoiding buffoonery or clowning

Are you wondering how to learn to communicate with a girl? Then think about making your words positive for her. Show yourself as a successful person, educated, useful to her as a husband, friend, good friend, business partner or just a positive person.

If you manage to prove your usefulness, then the girl is guaranteed to be willing to communicate with you. After all, every woman wants to see a confident guy next to her, and not a “rag.”

Girls automatically like guys who are able to take the initiative in communication and make decisions. For example, “I bought tickets and we’ll go to the movies.” But ladies can’t stand it when a boyfriend tries to turn everything into a joke, making himself a clown. They quickly get bored with such communication.

Find out how a girl can properly communicate with the man she likes?

Learn to be frank in conversation

Communication is not only jokes and gags, but also the ability to correctly express your dissatisfaction and negative opinion. If you constantly hide such feelings, it is unlikely that you will be able to build strong mutual relationships. Also, this will not help the girl correct her shortcomings or improve in anything. So when something makes you feel negative, talk about it.

How, then, should you communicate to make her like you?

Avoid attacking. In other words, refrain from making accusations. Use "we" instead of "you". For example, instead of the phrase “you are avoiding me” you can say “it seems to me that recently, when communicating, we have not been so close and frank. Perhaps we somehow offended each other.”

Or in another way: “Yes, I think you are beautiful, but I don’t like the way you dress or are dressed.” “Your figure is very attractive, but you could emphasize its attractiveness with decent clothes.”

Such tactics will make you stand out from the thousands of flatterers who tell a girl the same cheesy phrases just to get her into bed. This will show the girl that the guy is not a flatterer, hanging around a woman's skirt, who does not depend on her reaction, like most men.

Avoid talking about your personal problems and failures

It is unlikely that any woman will like a loser, a whiner, for whom everything falls out of his hands, who in a relationship is not a leader, but a follower. Every next lady will consider such a person in precisely this form. Therefore, when communicating, you need to show your confidence, but without arrogance and foppishness.

Conclusion

The most memorable, the greatest influence on a person is the opinion of others about him, both negative and positive. Therefore, when talking to a girl or woman, try to stand out from the hundreds of guys who have already communicated with her before. Communicate easily, approving some topics and not being afraid to tactfully criticize others. Intrigue, and sometimes show indifference. Stand out from hundreds of guys like you without fear of rejection. (Do you want to please her? Then read this article).

Also, when you are wondering how to start communicating with a girl, always remember that communication with her should be productive. To do this, analyze what your communication was like before? Should you change anything about your approach? Remember, communication and listening is a two-way street. So learn to be a good storyteller and a great listener.

Watch the video where you will additionally learn some tips for proper communication between a guy and a girl.

How to start courtship?

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Frontispiece of the novel “Going to Love Island.” 1730 © State Museum of A. S. Pushkin In the novel by Talman - Trediakovsky “Riding to the Island of Love” we are talking about gallant love feelings not related to marriage, which is very atypical for Russian printed publications of the 18th century. Nevertheless, the basis of the essay is the completely traditional idea that love relationships require respect for the object of love and are associated with many difficult experiences that go through certain stages. Therefore, a lover needs to be careful. When starting courtship, you should say little, or better yet, remain silent and not look at your beloved too much. “I ran with great impatience to the place where I saw that beautiful maiden, for whom I intended to go to the Island of Love; and there I learned from some that her name was Aminta. But when I was almost with her, then by chance one person, who did not leave her side, greatly frightened me with just his glance. He was tall and had a good face, but he seemed very constant and important. His eyes were very slow, his gaze was very touching, and, looking at me, he held his index finger on his lips. One girl always followed him, and who walked in his very footsteps. She made movements equal and similar to his, and her steps were word for word, just like him, constantly looking around her. One Cupid, who from that time came to me so that he could follow me everywhere on my journey and so that he could tell me everything that was necessary, then spoke to me like this: This one that you see is so important, Named Respect from everyone; His Mother is Love, his Father is Love itself. He has many friends at this august court, and whoever does not know how to please him remains in the worst misfortune with all our red maidens. If you want to have His mercy, then it is not enough to use clear words: And it is better to remain silent in front of Him; Eyes, even if they were from the sky, Also, don’t notice anything. This thing you see is different, Which is always with him, a precaution: A lover without her will never find himself happy, And in his hot passion, With caution he will go Where he wants without misfortune” P. Talman. “Ride to the Island of Love” In the book by Böckler - Begichev, the description of a fortress called Inclination continues with a story about how to take this fortress. The picture of courtship appears here as follows: first you need to overcome the neglect and playfulness of the subject of courtship, then overcome certain unnamed obstacles and, finally, achieve “high esteem,” “hope,” or even immediate recognition.

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Plan of the fortress from “The True News of the Most Glorious Fortress, Called Inclination.” 1679 The original title of the book is “Warhafftige Relation Oder Eigentlicher Bericht, Von der Hoch- und Weit-berühmten Vestung der so genannten Inclination und deroselben Merckwürdigen Belägerung, Einnahm und Eroberung, samt beygefügtem Abriß in Kupffer.” © Deutsche Fotothek “In all... places of the fortress, including its external outbuildings, they began to fire incessantly, and first both ravelins: Neglect, lying opposite the main gate, were mined; no less than Ravelin Playfulness - to ruin. Although the troops were carried out with considerable care, labor, dependence and deliberate damage, both ravelins were defeated, mined, blown up, stormed and taken. And immediately they fortified themselves against the fortress and began to lead a gallery through a very deep swampy ditch (obstacles) against three bolts: High Reverence, Hope and Recognition, in order to attack them with all possible force. For it would have been clear in advance that if only one of these bolts was taken, then the fortress would necessarily be forced to surrender.” G. A. Böckler. "The true news of the most glorious fortress called Inclination"

How to behave with your girlfriend so as not to lose her

Many men who are already in a relationship, during periods of crisis and coldness in a couple, ask questions such as “how to behave with a girl so that she is attracted to me” or “how to behave with a girl so as not to lose her.” Leading psychologists endorse such anxiety, offering several ways to improve relationships, namely:

• showing care even in the smallest things;
• maintaining passion in the intimate sphere;
• organizing dates and romantic surprises to combat routine;
• manifestation of affection and tenderness, despite masculinity and brutality;
• give compliments regularly;
• interest in her affairs, dreams and hobbies;
• building relationships with her parents and friends;
• the ability to listen is an important condition, even if the topics of her conversation are far from masculine;
• spending time together and doing things together strengthens relationships;
• truthfulness even in the smallest details;
• excessive criticism in her direction will be perceived as a manifestation of dislike.

Any manifestations of aggression towards her, humiliation and insults will lead to the end of the relationship. Even if the girl is wrong at some points, a man always needs to remain a gentleman, maintaining self-control.

How to declare your love?

To answer this question, I propose to read two contrasting explanations from Vasily Lazarevich’s story “The Virtuous Rozana.” Its action takes place in ancient times, when “Prince Vladimir, great in deeds and name, introduced the Christian confession of faith into Russia, and under his wise leadership, Orthodoxy began to reach such a powerful state that idolatry was solemnly rejected and trampled upon by orthodoxy...” The main character is the virtuous Rozana, the daughter of Zlonrav, a man of “mediocre fortune” who, in spite of everything, rejects the truth and is mired in ignorance. Both explanations are addressed to Rosana. An example of the correct one is given by Lyubochest, “a prudent and noble young man who retired from the city for a short time to his father’s estate, located in the neighborhood of Zlonrav.” One day he enters the grove where Rosana is sleeping. He looks at her for a long time, and when she wakes up, they begin to have a sublime conversation. “- My lord! Since I do not have the honor of knowing you, I think that you will forgive me if I leave you: my condition, gender and age forbid me to be alone with you in this place... - Ah, madam! Why do you want to leave here? Is it perhaps because I seem unbearable in your eyes? Or do you imagine that I would not cause you any grief, then allow me to assure myself, madam, that you cannot expect anything like that from me... [skip the page] Your glances give me hope that my flame, which your adorable beauty inflamed in my heart does not burn in vain in me. Oh! Deign to confirm this, dear owner of my soul, deign...” V. Lazarevich. “Virtuous Rozana” How one should not declare one’s love is demonstrated by Hrubey, “a very rich man who has lived in the world for about fifty years, but with the cruelty of his character and the meanness of his soul he deserves contempt from everyone,” to whom Rozana’s father decides to marry him. Although Grubey, for his part, is also eloquent: “Grubey fell in love with Rozana at first sight, but, seeing her immersed in despondency, he thought that this was the reason for the innocent modesty common to girls of her age, and in order to caress her to him, he approached to Rosana, began to speak to her so politely that he had never spoken like that to anyone in his life; however, his words served no purpose except to create even greater disgust in Rozan for him, for they resembled the gentle scolding of the rudest family, such as: “Fool, don’t be ashamed, look at your future husband... What a snail, still turns away... okay, you’ll get used to it” - and other similar expressions with which Rudey expressed himself to Rozana made her feel how great the difference was between him and Lyubochest.” V. Lazarevich. “Virtuous Rosana” In general, you need to explain things to a girl correctly. And correct speech, in the minds of a person in the 18th century, is speech that is consistent with the norms of grammar and rhetoric. It is no coincidence that most of the main characters of Russian love stories and novels of the 18th century are people with a philosophical mindset, scientists and sometimes too scientists. And it is no coincidence that the textbooks on rhetoric included a section on arousing passions, one of which was necessarily love. Lomonosov, by the way, in the first Russian printed rhetoric, “A Brief Guide to Eloquence,” in the paragraph on love, explains in detail why poets should be loved: the word “love” even at that time had many shades.

How to talk to a girl on the Internet

To understand how to have a conversation with a girl on the Internet, you need to understand who is sitting on the other side of the screen. I will divide it into several types:

1. The one who immediately writes a response to your message is already ready to get to know each other, talks on all topics (ask her everything, but don’t cross the line), it’s easy to communicate with them, they are open. Just communicate and the whole conversation with a girl on the Internet will go more or less smoothly.
2. And there are those who may not answer the first time. Here you need to interest her. But I already told you where to start. Find something in her that makes her different from others (she will be pleased to know that she is different from others), and if there is a reaction, then know that she should continue to be interested. Then she will begin to get used to you and communicating with you.
3. There are those who are happy to have a pleasant conversation in contact, but about the offer to get acquainted and meet somewhere, either because of complexes, or because of fear, they are looking for a bunch of reasons not to meet. Then it’s worth asking directly who you are to her and what’s stopping her from meeting you. See what she answers, and then decide for yourself whether you need such communication.

A smart girl will immediately understand what you want from her. Such people, in order not to offend, immediately write that she has someone (if she has someone) and this also happens often.

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So...you've already met, but you don't understand whether she has an interest in you or not.

This can be checked:

• Stop writing (give her time, she herself will understand whether she needs you or not) and then they wrote again. And look how she writes to you, what questions she asks (Where have you been? What haven’t you written? What have you done?). And you can already judge what she feels for you.
• Writing less is also a very good way to learn (it’s just that if we lose something, and in this case communication with you, we begin to either appreciate it more or not appreciate it at all). Here, too, you need to look at the reaction; if she asks questions, it means she is not indifferent to you.
• You can invite her somewhere. If he agrees, then that’s also a good sign, and if not, then ask why? You can also draw some conclusions from the answer.

If you want to move on to a closer acquaintance, then you can ask for a phone number.

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Should you resort to the help of friends in love affairs?

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© Russian State Library All moralistic literature of the 18th century teaches us that we need to distinguish between true and false friends. Opening your heart to a false friend will invariably lead you to trouble. Thus, in Pavel Lvov’s novel “Russian Pamela, or the Story of Mary, the Virtuous Villager,” the rich and noble Victor falls in love with Mary, the daughter of a nobleman named Philip; Victor declares his love for her, but her father is against an unequal marriage, he refuses Victor, and Maria agrees with this. Then, on the advice of his false friend Plutalov, Victor tramples Philip’s crops with dogs and horses, cuts down the trees on his land, tries to bribe Maria with diamonds, burns Philip’s house and intends to kidnap Maria or buy her with gold. Naturally, all this does not lead to anything good. However, even if you open up to a true friend, your future depends primarily on yourself, because a friend will give you advice and help, but will not be prudent for you.

Is it possible to beat off someone else's bride or wife?

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In Nikolai Emin’s novel “Rose. A half-fair original story,” the enthusiastic Milo seeks the love of Rose, brought up on the same sentimental literature as he. But her parents marry her off to someone else - an old friend of Milon named Vetrogon. Milon writes a careless letter to Rosa's friend, Prelesta, in which he asks to answer whether Rosa loves him. Here are fragments of this letter: “Are you surprised, madam, that Milo dares to write to you? I have reasons for this: I know that obedience to parents attracts your beautiful friend into a terrible union; I foresee terrible consequences! No! Can only the meek charms, the virtuous and incomparable charms of Lindana be captivated by the nobility of the family and the baseness of the soul? I know the rules of this prince. He is worthy of contempt who must prove his nobility with coats of arms. His rules are the rules of not having anything sacred in life: honor, conscience - he considers everything to be the prejudice of the mob. I shudder, imagining who will possess the incomparable Rose! Perhaps external pleasures... the art of twirling in the light, wealth sweeten sorrow and acquire harmony... no, this brilliance cannot replace a person. Rose needs a heart that knows the value of the purest love. I have made up my mind, and nothing can turn me away. “I must definitely find out... So, madam, I am in love with the incomparable Rose, and when there is no means left for me to be happy, when there are no means left for me to live, I am dying... one word... Rose is delivered from a disastrous marriage. If he is loved, I bless the will of beauty. No... oh, the coffin! These are the palaces that I will build for him and for myself. So, madam, I have made up my mind... my torment surpasses the concept of beasts, my spirit is oppressed... the evil fury of despair is tearing my soul apart. - Death is the pier to which I direct my ship. Everything is weak... Faith! - and you, Gehenna itself, are more bearable than life, which torments my spirit every hour, seeing Rose in the jaws of the monster.” N. Emin. "Rose. A half-fair original story" © Russian State Library It is clear that everything written by Milo Preleste will be handed over to Rosa - and in the moral world of Russian prose of the 18th century, this can only lead to tragedy: worse than trying to cancel the sacred decision of parents about the fate of their daughter - even by strangers hands - there can only be a desire, venturing into the abyss of sensitivity, to take the wife away from her lawful husband. Naturally, this will ultimately lead to the death of all the main characters in the story: finding an old friend once again fieryly pouring out his feelings to his wife, Prince Vetrogon mortally wounds Milon in a duel; Rosa will not bear this and will die, and the repentant Windrunner will commit suicide.

How to start a dialogue with a girl you know

There are thousands of reasons when we can’t find the words and don’t know what to say to someone we know. Let's look at a few of the most common situations:

• A chance meeting during a quarrel. "Hello! It seems that when we reach a dead end, Fate comes to our aid!”
• Meeting a girl after a long separation. "Hello! To say I was bored is to say nothing!”
• During the last meeting before parting. "Good afternoon! You are incredibly beautiful today!”
• A chance meeting with an ex. "Hello! You have a new hairstyle, very stylish!”
• An unexpected meeting with a girl I like. “What destinies? The Lord heard my prayers!”
• The beginning of a conversation with a girl I’ve liked for a long time: “I’ve traveled all over the Universe... There’s still no one better than you, Natasha!”

How should a girl respond to her first love letter?

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© Russian State Library Best of all - jokingly, but remembering that this may not be empty chatter, but genuine feelings: suitors do not lie on the road. A brilliant example can be found in one of the first relatively original Russian romance novels - in “Letters of Ernest and Doravra” by Fyodor Emin. At the very beginning of this multi-volume novel, filled with philosophical speculation and largely dependent on Rousseau's La Nouvelle Heloise, Doravra responds to Ernest - who bombarded her with furious love letters, including calls to punish him for his insolence - with the following polished epistolary diamond: “You confess your guilt, and do not act as other guilty people do; it is true that a sincerely repentant culprit does not complain against the justice that condemned him to death; but such a guilty person should be considered impudent, who teaches his judges how his crime should be punished. He must rely on the fairness of justice and wait patiently for torture. Such a person is often forgiven, especially for his first crime. You do not yet know what punishment you should receive for your guilt. It may turn out that you will still be forgiven. If you insist on punishing your crime, then in this way you increase your guilt and double the insolence that you admitted to me in your letter. I assure you that the one against whom you sinned will not want to punish you with exile; Perhaps he will invent a punishment that you will endure in this city, and, finally, having repented of your crime, you can be forgiven. Know for certain that you will be guilty before me much more than before if you leave here.” F. Emin. “Letters from Ernest and Doravra” In the same way, judging by the actions of the heroine of the story, Natalya Neyolova, one should respond to an oral confession. “At one time it happened that he [Leinard] was left alone with Termilia, which he had long desired; suddenly, throwing himself on his knees before her, he began to express his love to her with such sensitivity, which, of course, touched her heart at that moment. But Termilia, pretending that she took what he said as a joke, also responded with jokes and finally went to her room, fearing not to make her mother suspicious with a long conversation.” N. Neelova. "Leinard and Termilia, or the Ill-fated Fate of Two Lovers"

Communication on the Internet

Today, communication most often takes place on the Internet - on social networks, on dating sites and various forums. Psychologists advise using the Internet to develop skills of self-confidence, the ability to conduct a dialogue and arouse interest in the opposite sex. However, you should not focus on a specific girl, devoting time to her, if you know nothing about her except for a photo posted in the public domain. You shouldn’t find bewitching phrases when trying to convince someone of something or win over a new acquaintance. It is better to set a more realistic goal - to choose the interlocutor who will respond and show mutual interest.

How to start a dialogue in this case? The simplest, most unobtrusive phrases will do. At the same time, you should be attentive to grammar - educated girls are unlikely to become acquainted with those who make several mistakes in one word. So, the beginning of communication could be like this:

• "Good afternoon! How is the weather in St. Petersburg?
• "Hello! How is such a charming girl doing?”
• "Good evening! Do you have a minute to chat?”

What rules should be followed at the beginning of a dialogue? You need to show respect for your interlocutor’s busy schedule and free time, be polite and not put your partner in an awkward position with awkward questions. But you can give a compliment, joke, probe common interests: “Irina, how do you feel about sports? What kind of music do you like to listen to? Do you go to nightclubs?

What should be the relationship between lovers before marriage?

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Frontispiece of the edition of the story “Leinard and Termilia, or the Ill-fated Fate of Two Lovers.” 1784 © Russian State Library What can tell us about this better than a girl’s dreams? Therefore, let us again turn to the fate of Leinard and Termilia, described by Neelova. However, when reading the plot, it is worth keeping in mind that in the end both lovers will die of melancholy in separation: the mother will give her daughter’s hand to another, a flighty applicant seeking wealth, and will go to any lengths to make this marriage take place. But in the beginning things are completely different. So, Termilia, as befits a well-bred girl, responded to Leinard’s confession with a joke and retired to her room: “Leinard was very sad, but he did not stop visiting Mrs. D***’s house and repeating to Termilia so often about his love that she , convinced that it was not false, she felt a mutual inclination towards him, which little by little intensified so much that she could not overcome it. She intended to at least hide it from Leinard. But this intention was also in vain; she finally decided to tell him that his love was not disgusting to her and that if she had depended on herself, she would have made him happy by agreeing to marry him; but since she is under the authority of her mother and cannot do anything without her permission, she ordered him to reveal himself to her, which he did. Mrs. D*** accepted his proposal with joy, and not only did not interfere with their love, but even encouraged it, promising to marry Termilia to Leinard. His relatives also all agreed to this, except for Leinardov’s father, to whom he had not yet revealed his love. He asked all his relatives to work with him to get his father’s permission for his marriage. And this was fulfilled as desired: the father not only did not interfere, but was also very pleased with it.” N. Neelova. "Leinard and Termilia, or the Ill-fated Fate of Two Lovers"

Let's start communication

To start a conversation and manage it, learn to ask the right questions. The conversation is based on open questions

. Open questions do not require a specific, monosyllabic answer. Such questions begin with the words “how”, “what do you think”, “where”, “interesting, but what...”.

These questions are also great conversation starters

. In addition, they can be used to get a girl to talk if she is silent and not in the mood for communication.

Read examples of open questions and applications in conversation.

In addition, your success depends largely on where you take the girl on the first date. You can read about this.

What should lovers do if a woman is inferior to a man?

Any harassment of a superior man to a inferior girl (not a noblewoman) is a test of her love: she must maintain decency and chastity, hoping that her lover will reform. In the already mentioned novel by Lvov, his hero Victor, having made many mistakes under the influence of a bad adviser, then comes to his senses somewhat and writes a letter to Maria with an apology and a request to run away from her father, who, let me remind you, opposes their marriage as unequal. Maria replies: “Victor! Do not doubt my apology; There is no guilt that would not be excusable for a kind person. From this I conclude that nature itself, of course, preserves in the hearts subject to it a tenderness that surpasses all severity and annoyance. Judging by my feelings, I believe how unbearable separation is; but also consider how painful it is to be torn apart by the desire to see you and by decency; decency, the glory of the maidens, prescribing laws for us. Of course, is it worth the trouble to come to someone kind? No, but still amazing obedience to my heart. But then what? Wouldn't this be an indecent liberties committed on my sex, which for the most part is called the vice of recklessness? Disobey your father, secretly leave him, obey your harmful passion, unbridledness; but what if it’s a vice? Ah, Victor! I love you more than myself, but I can’t decide on this, even if it costs my life... [skip two pages] Let us surrender to the power of the merciful God. Everything will be as it should be. I detained your servant. Farewell, farewell, my dear Victor! I love you so, so... that I myself cannot explain it to you. I would write more, but I’m afraid that Father will soon come from you.” P. Lvov. “Russian Pamela, or the Story of Mary, the virtuous villager” Everything will turn out well, of course. An honest girl, Maria will marry Victor, give birth to his child, and, after the incredible adventures that make up the second volume of the book, reunite with him to lead a virtuous married life. In the entire structure of the book, the pranks of a loving barchuk, such as the complete destruction of the property of his beloved’s father, are assessed as a condemnable, but forgivable offense of youth, in contrast to the sin that is unacceptable for a girl (and this guilt would, of course, remain with her) - the loss of chastity.

How to choose a topic for conversation

Topics to Avoid

: salary, place of work, ex-partner, health, personal problems, family secrets, religion.

It’s also not worth touching on men’s topics yet. Exceptions are if the girl herself is interested in cars, computers, and sports. Yes, there are such women.

Topics to talk about

on a first date with a girl: funny incidents at school, esotericism, pets.

The main thing is to keep the conversation light and positive.

When the topic of conversation has exhausted itself, change it to another. This needs to be done naturally. You can move beautifully from one topic to another with the help of an open question. At the same time, the second topic seems to cling to the previous one.

For example, you were talking about flowers, and you need to change the topic of the conversation:

AND

: My favorite flowers are chamomile.
M
: You know, I heard that flowers are the best gift for a woman. What gifts do you like best?

After this, the dialogue turns to a discussion of gifts.