How to live with an alcoholic husband, help and how to leave him

How to deal with an alcoholic: advice from a psychologist

If the husband is an alcoholic, the advice of a psychologist who knows his business well will most likely be somewhat unexpected: you need to stop helping him.
If your spouse collapses drunk late at night and falls asleep in the hallway right on someone’s boots, covering him with a warm blanket is strongly not recommended. The need to take responsibility for one's own actions is a factor that deters a person from going on a long binge. It’s not worth solving your husband’s problems caused by drunkenness: after a call from a sobering-up center or a drinking establishment where he owes money, it’s best to calmly continue working or get on with previously planned matters. There is practically no point in hiding the true order of things from relatives and colleagues. Attempts to instill in an addict a sense of shame most often result only in a deeper escape from problems into the kingdom of the green serpent.

How to talk to an alcoholic? The psychologist's advice is as follows:

• It is necessary to get the alcoholic to admit his own addiction. Otherwise, he is unlikely to give up a “harmless” habit that helps him rest and relax;
• You shouldn’t justify a binge drunk who complains about a hard life filled with injustice. Ethanol is a depressant, that is, it has a depressing effect on the central nervous system, and in any case will not save anyone from disappointment and sadness;
• It doesn't make much sense to brainwash a person while drunk. At best, he will simply forget most of the information received. To start a serious conversation, you should wait until the subject is sober;
• demonstrating external calm and pretending that nothing is happening is far from the best option. Silencing a problem usually only leads to its aggravation, but not to its resolution.

How to live with an alcoholic in the same apartment? Advice in this situation can be given approximately as follows: as practice shows, it is impossible to force a drunkard to give up drinking by open confrontation, swearing and shouting. Instead of constantly scolding, it is recommended to make the addict look at the current situation from a different angle

The priority task is to maintain calm in conflict situations, since without patience it is definitely not worth getting involved in a difficult battle with the “green serpent”

What should a woman not do?

There are different tips on what to do for a woman with an alcoholic husband. There are practical recommendations on what should not be used in family life in order to save a marriage and restore relationships:

• you cannot resort to reproaches;
• it is important to completely eliminate scandals from family life;
• a woman should carefully take care of herself, take care of youth and beauty (there is no need to wear an old robe or slippers in the house);
• you need to show special interest in your husband’s problems;
• a man will not respect a woman if she indulges him in everything and provides excessive custody.

An alcoholic husband does not need pity. When he feels sympathy, he begins to drink more and does not consider his addiction a serious problem. Alcoholism cannot be blamed on a loved one or his friends who support this type of leisure activity.

In modern women's society, unfortunately, the question of how to behave if the husband is an alcoholic, what a woman should do, is relevant; The advice of a psychologist in this case will come in handy.

The problem of alcoholism is painfully familiar to many. Many women are at a loss, not knowing what to do when life with an alcoholic becomes unbearable. Sometimes the question arises: how to leave an alcoholic, whether it is worth living with an alcoholic husband. It rarely happens that a husband admits that he is sick and needs treatment; he denies this fact to the last.

The advice of a psychologist in this case can help in solving a family problem. Remember: a specialist on this issue will not be able to give your husband a miracle pill or force him to give up alcohol. Its task is to convince a person to independently come to the decision to quit drinking.

The wife's role in this matter is very important, so she needs the advice of a psychologist. Unfortunately, the wrong behavior of the spouse sometimes contributes to the fact that the loved one takes up the bottle again. Reacting to his behavior with scandals and abuse, you push him to take another portion of alcohol.

If the process has gone too far, then you cannot do without a professional narcologist. To understand how neglected everything is, it’s worth comparing a person and his behavior before he started drinking alcohol and after. Try to answer the following questions:

1. Has your husband started drinking alcohol more often than in previous years?
2. Have the urge to vomit or signs of poisoning during an overdose disappeared compared to previous years?
3. Does the attitude towards you change after drinking, does your mood worsen?
4. Do you have blackouts after your husband gets drunk?
5. Does apathy happen when sober?
6. Are there long-term binges?

If in most cases you answered positively, then most likely your husband suffers from alcoholism and will need to see a narcologist and psychotherapist.

Sometimes the actions of relatives of a drunk, aimed at good deeds, only bring harm to the patient. All kinds of coding, trips to healers, blackmail and forced treatment are met with fierce resistance from the alcoholic. It is worth remembering that all forced actions will not bring the desired result, since the person himself must want to be cured.

Do not try to make your spouse jealous, this will only lead to aggressive actions on his part. Don't involve your husband's parents in the problem, trying to shame him in front of them. So the alcoholic will only withdraw into himself and, again, find salvation in alcohol.

Do not try to issue an ultimatum and threaten divorce, deprivation of parental rights, or property. Perhaps this will help for a while, but not for long, since any aggression gives rise to retaliatory actions.

What to do if your husband is an alcoholic? What should the wife's actions be primarily aimed at? How to talk to a sick person? How to deal with a drunk husband?

Here are some tips that may be useful to you:

1. Start changing with yourself, stop being a victim. Change your appearance, go to work, become financially independent. This will make your husband question whether he is suitable for a woman like you. A man has a sense of competition, perhaps your actions will serve as an impetus for changes on his part.
2. Never buy your husband alcohol, even if he insists. Be patient and be persistent.
3. Perhaps your spouse drinks because of low self-esteem. Try to create conditions for your husband’s professional growth, etc. Another reason for drinking alcohol is simple boredom when there is nothing else to do. If a man develops a hobby, another interest, perhaps he will stop being fond of alcoholic beverages. Bring your spouse to this unobtrusively, do interesting things together.
4. Lead your husband to the idea that you can relax in life without alcohol. There are many pleasant things that will not have disastrous consequences. Let your spouse know that your love for him has not disappeared, but the changes in him are very upsetting to you. Aromatherapy, massage, and romantic notes in your relationship will help you relax. But if he is used to seeing you with a rolling pin in your hands and you communicate exclusively in a raised tone, then he will accept such a change with caution. All actions must be sincere and applied consistently. Then your loved one will feel the difference between alcohol and family comfort.
5. Often the reason for male alcoholism lies in fear of life's problems. The wife’s task is to make her husband understand that together they can overcome everything, that he is not alone in this life, he has support in the person of his wife, parents, friends and relatives. Don't avoid conversation. If the problem is in his job, it’s worth changing it, the new position will distract the man from his previous life. If you have a physical defect, you can think together about how to correct it. Modern medicine has made great strides in this regard. The main thing is to show desire and determination.

We suggest you familiarize yourself with: Sewing up against alcoholism. How to sew up an alcoholic

Thus, from all that has been said, we can conclude that nothing can be achieved through coercion. It is necessary to create such external conditions that a person himself wants to change. If your husband is an alcoholic, what to do in this case, you now know: change yourself and become a creator, a woman-keeper of the home.

Where is the line between a drunkard and an alcoholic?

A drunkard is a person who has a strong emotional attachment to alcohol. He is still able to stop after a glass of cognac or a bottle of beer, but alcohol plays a very important role in his life. Holidays, weekends and memorable events are closely associated with alcohol, which without the usual libations seem incredibly boring and dull. Even if a person called a drunkard drinks in the evening after a hard day, the next day he will appear at the workplace without delay and in a neat appearance.

A drunkard can go abstinent for several days or weeks without noticeable discomfort. He is unfamiliar with withdrawal symptoms, and even a large amount of ethanol taken at a party will not provoke such severe intoxication as in the case of an alcohol addict. A drunkard can be a moderate drinker and be able to control himself.

An alcoholic is a person with a stable dependence on ethanol at the physiological level. If alcohol stops entering the body, the alcoholic will experience syndrome o), accompanied by vomiting, increased aggressiveness and other negative symptoms. Unlike a drunkard, a dependent person does not have sufficient willpower to independently stop using products containing ethanol. He is able to get rid of his addiction only with the support of his immediate environment, as well as professional narcologists and psychologists. The fact of alcohol dependence can be determined by the following factors:

1. The occurrence of alcoholic delirium (delirium tremens) upon refusal of further consumption of alcoholic beverages. Psychosis is usually accompanied by tactile, auditory or visual hallucinations, delusions, fever and severe chills.
2. An addicted person begins to neglect work, social contacts and finds himself in various situations of increased danger (for example, driving a vehicle while very drunk).
3. The addiction to ethanol comes to the fore: the subject spends a lot of time searching for alcohol or the cash needed to purchase it.
4. The skin of the face takes on a pale yellow tint.
5. Memory loss after heavy drinking. Difficulties in recalling a chain of events in memory after ethanol poisoning are called alcoholic palimpsest in medicine.

Without alcohol, an alcoholic experiences both moral and severe physical discomfort. The world around him is perceived as aggressive and devoid of bright colors. A person with an established physiological dependence on ethanol gets drunk very quickly, literally from the first drinks. The reason for this phenomenon lies in various malfunctions of the filtering organs.

The first criterion that indicates the presence of an unhealthy hobby in a potential chosen one is a hangover syndrome, accompanied by a strong craving for alcohol. A subject who does not suffer from alcohol dependence does not feel the desire to “knock over a shot glass” the morning after drinking. On the contrary, the very thought of consuming products containing ethanol makes him feel sick and disgusted. An alcoholic will accept the idea of ​​continuing the banquet with great enthusiasm.

There is an alternative version, according to which the concepts of “drunkard” and “alcoholic” are identical. The term "drunkard" is common and is not used in official medical practice. This designation is used in cases where a person experiences a strong psychological dependence on alcohol, but does not yet have serious degenerative changes in the liver and other internal organs

It is important to note that from drunkenness to alcoholism is just one step

How to get drug treatment help

To break the vicious circle and teach the drinker to live without alcohol, you need to make an appointment at a drug center. You can do this by calling +7 (909) 636-85-38 . A doctor will talk to him at our center.

If the patient does not want to communicate with specialists, you can call a doctor to his home. The best time to do this is when he is suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Then, having eliminated the painful symptoms, the narcologist will immediately conduct a psychotherapy session and try to convince the alcoholic of the need for treatment and coding.

Forcibly treating a drinker is pointless. If you send him to a state drug dispensary by court decision, then very soon he will return from there and continue drinking. At the same time, he will become even more aggressive and, quite possibly, will want to take revenge on his wife for sending him there.

Doctors try to find an approach to each client. We offer all applicants a highly effective treatment regimen that allows them to reduce cravings for alcohol and restore normal functioning of the body. Remember: we work anonymously and do not register our patients. So feel free to call and come.

Signs that your husband drinks a lot

There are a lot of temptations around that encourage you to drink: corporate events, various holidays, vacations with friends, family gatherings, and the like.

To understand why a man drinks and whether he abuses alcohol or not, you need to pay attention to certain signs in the behavior of your loved one:

• frequent alcohol abuse;
• increases the amount of alcohol consumed;
• looking for an excuse to drink;
• lies about the amount he drinks;
• gets drunk until he loses his memory;
• drinks for several days in a row;
• if you ask questions about the reasons for his drinking, he begins to hesitate or responds with aggression.

This list of signs is basic and far from complete. Usually a woman feels and understands when her man begins to become an alcoholic. This process does not happen in one day. Alcoholism is a very scary, protracted and difficult to overcome phenomenon. If a man drinks what appears to be a small amount of alcohol (a bottle of beer), but often drinks it every day after work, this is a reason to think about it.

Reasons for drinking every day

Most often, people start drinking alcohol out of boredom. Gradually it becomes a habit, other reasons appear. People drink to prolong joy or forget about grief.

Alcoholics complain about work, wife, mother-in-law. They pour out any grief and failure. As soon as a problem appears, emotional overload occurs, the person remembers alcohol. This is the easiest way to temporarily abandon real reality, which is why a man drinks every day. Everything around is immediately transformed, life no longer seems so difficult and dull.

Who is an alcoholic

Of course, such a disease is more related to psychology than to physiology. The addict sees in such a product a reward, a buzz and relief from mental pain. He is so accustomed to its absence that its occurrence brings him very severe suffering.

Such people begin to panic if they cannot find the next dose. They often torture their loved ones and do inappropriate things. Insanely often, addicts take equipment and furniture out of the apartment in order to buy a bottle with the money they receive. This is the behavior of an abnormal person who needs treatment, not a conversation about morality.

If you are in doubt about the diagnosis, consult your doctor. If your loved one refuses to go to him, then try calling a specialist to your home. At least this way you will get an accurate and honest analysis.

How long do alcoholics live?

By the way, there is a misconception that alcoholics live longer. But the statistics say otherwise. In fact, the life expectancy of an addict does not exceed 45-55 years.

If you have met or know an elderly person who suffers from this disease, then he is most likely just an exception

In addition, it is worth taking into account genetics, the absence of hereditary diseases, which also affect this issue

It is worth noting that people who drink look much older. Perhaps this nuance also plays a role in the overall illusion. On the street we often meet alcoholics who seem old to us. But this is just a deceptive image.

Should I stay with my husband?

If a man has become dependent on alcohol, then innocent spouses often begin to suffer. Any woman is annoyed by her drinking husband. How to deal with this disease? What to do to stop a man from drinking? In the end, a woman will sooner or later wonder whether it is worth being with such a husband. If, after all the attempts to combat drunkenness, there is still no hint of an end to such torture, then you should not be around such a weak-willed person. Why be with that man who simply cannot value his family?

But, if a man meets his wife halfway, tries to get rid of alcohol addiction using medications or going to a psychologist, then the woman still has hope for a successful cure. In such a situation, on the contrary, the wife must support her man, because he is struggling with the problem that has arisen, and it is very difficult for him during this period.

Behavior with a drunk husband

You can’t ignore the fact that your husband drinks. The exception is rare episodes when he controls himself and does not allow anything unnecessary. When the husband is an alcoholic, what should a woman do? The advice depends on the stage of the disease. It is believed that a person will not stop drinking until he wants to. But you can help him, guide him, show him a different life and pastime. If a person drinks out of boredom, find a hobby for him, remember what he loved, what inspired him.

When a person has sufficient willpower and values ​​his family, he is able to cope with alcoholism. The main thing is to understand that this is a disease; you should not take it lightly.

If conversations and beliefs do not help, it is better to protect yourself from the person so that he does not cause harm to the health of others. What a woman should do if her husband is a binge alcoholic depends on his behavior, awareness of the problem, and attitude towards others. When he becomes aggressive and raises his hand against his wife and children, you need to think, first of all, about your safety.

When your husband is drunk, under no circumstances should you sort things out with him, scold him, or insult him. This will only make the problem worse. You cannot give a person suffering from alcohol addiction ultimatums or make demands, especially when he is drunk. The psyche in this state works differently from that of an ordinary person.

Note! You cannot compare him with others; men in this state are very vulnerable, so they will want to further fill their inadequacy and worthlessness.

Man with a bottle

There is no need to pour out the alcohol and replace it with water. The alcoholic is obsessed with the idea of ​​continuing the meal; he will do anything to get a new dose. Also, you should not drink with your husband so that he gets less. This will not help, if he wants he will find more, but he has only one health. Family alcoholism begins precisely with this; fighting the addiction of two is much more difficult.

Drinking beer - alcoholism or not?

A drinking husband is a grief in the family. But is frequent beer drinking considered alcoholism? Experts say that this seemingly harmless beer drink is also addictive. Therefore, it will not be normal if the wife calmly watches her husband drink beer every day. What to do in such a situation with a drinking husband? The psychologist's advice is primarily aimed at understanding that beer is not a harmless alcoholic drink. On the contrary, this potion, slowly but surely, can lead to chronic alcoholism, as well as negative consequences, for example, conflicts in the family, manifestations of aggression, and, as a result, divorce.

How to live with a drinking husband in the family? A woman must create favorable conditions for her family so that her husband refuses to drink light beer drinks. To do this, you just need to talk, explaining that such actions are not to your liking. This will be especially wrong if the family has a drinking husband and a small child.

You should also put yourself in order and pay attention to your appearance, thereby giving your spouse food for thought that a man should not look bad next to a beautiful woman. My husband needs to liquidate all the contents of his home bar, if he has one.

You need to remove from your eyes all hints of alcohol in the house, which you can consume at any moment.

My husband needs to liquidate all the contents of his home bar, if he has one. You need to remove from your eyes all hints of alcohol in the house, which you can consume at any moment.

Psychologists also recommend that spouses spend more time together. If a man is used to drinking a couple of bottles of beer in the evenings, then at this time you can go for a walk, go to the cinema, without letting your spouse do what he wanted.

Help options

Psychologists often devote entire scientific works to the problem of alcoholism in the family. They have developed a number of simple tips and recommendations that will help women get through a difficult period easier.

• You need to try to understand the drinking person. Alcoholism is often caused by genetic predisposition, death of a loved one, betrayal, or stress at work. People often drink after being laid off or fired. Women need patience, have regular conversations, and support their husband in any endeavors. You can contact qualified and experienced narcologists who will help solve the problem.
• Women shouldn't blame themselves for everything. Various factors lead to the development of alcoholism. Wives are not always to blame for all problems in the family.
• It is important to understand that alcoholic drinks replace the husband, what emotional state he resorts to every day. Often men cannot independently adapt to social society, so alcohol helps them start a conversation or maintain a conversation. They often drink out of lack of courage or attention to themselves. In such a situation, divorce is not always the only option. You can contact a psychologist who will solve the problem.
• Introspection. Women need to understand themselves. When a man raises his hand, offends children, or behaves aggressively, then a quick divorce will help.

Often men begin to seek help from specialists when they experience serious health problems. Many pathological processes occur without symptoms. When a patient turns to a narcologist, a comprehensive examination and diagnosis is carried out. Doctors often discover concomitant diseases that develop against the background of alcoholism.

If a woman decides to divorce, then the accepted opinion cannot be decided. Alcoholics can

bringing back his wife, making promises that he is not going to keep. Women need to prepare themselves mentally and not regret their decision/

Psychological problems

Living with an alcoholic is a serious dilemma for a woman because she feels obligated. After all, a wife is obliged to be there in any life situations - both in joy and in sorrow. Therefore, the decisions of a married woman are very different from the decisions that an unmarried woman would make. If you are not yet married, leaving or staying is not a question: separation is much easier for unmarried people than leaving an alcoholic husband for a woman who has alcoholic wife syndrome.

Depending on the situation, a non-drinking wife may face situations such as:

• increased load on the nervous system;
• confusion;
• mental pain;
• lack of money;
• anger;
• desire for revenge;
• helplessness;
• sadness and depression;
• anxiety;
• lack of intimacy in relationships.

Unable to find an answer to the question of how to live with an alcoholic husband, a woman may begin to accumulate anger in her soul and come up with ways to punish her husband for drinking. And very often, without finding an answer on how to break up with an alcoholic husband or how to teach her husband a lesson for drunkenness, a woman develops deep depression.

Children living with an alcoholic father, after growing up, have serious problems in intimate relationships, and, as a rule, also become involved with drug addicts and alcoholics. Children of alcoholics have low self-esteem, and many have constant depression. They have a lot of hidden aggression in their souls, feelings of deep loss, deprivation, sadness and emptiness, which they are unable to explain. Such children need serious psychological help.

Interestingly, men have a different psychology. They will not think and be tormented by doubts about leaving or staying next to a drinking woman if the man is a teetotaler. After all, continuing to communicate with a drunkard, talking every day with a stinking fume, inarticulately mooing creature - this means punishing yourself. That’s why many of them leave quickly.

What types of alcoholics are there?

The behavior of people who drink varies. The following types of alcoholics can be distinguished:

1. "Violent" or anxious. After drinking alcohol again, they can behave extremely aggressively and use brute physical force against strangers and close people. They emotionally suppress other family members and take it out on their children. Wives are often afraid to talk to their husbands in order to avoid scandals and conflicts, so they take the role of the victim.
2. "Pathetic." They drink in splendid isolation, forgetting about their actions. Such people face constant troubles and begin to feel sorry for themselves. The wives of such alcoholics worry about the well-being of a loved one, they can start scandals, but they are the first to seek reconciliation. They often feel disgust, but they try to quickly suppress this state within themselves.
3. "Emotional." Such people drink only in the company of like-minded people. They actively show all their emotions to others when they are intoxicated. Many such alcoholics are considered an ideal family man because they show feelings of tenderness and admit sympathy or love.

We suggest you read: Alcohol-induced dementia (dementia): symptoms and prognosis

Wives of alcoholics often put up with this behavior and the condition of their loved one. Psychologists associate their behavior with dependence on their husband. Wives also benefit from such situations. When an idea or thought arises about helping a loved one, women want to be special and play an important role in the relationship.

If he insults

Having gone on a binge, for a week or a month, a person’s behavior becomes less and less adequate every day. And the more he drinks, the more problems he causes. Some become aggressive and cannot control their emotions, which are much more pronounced when drunk.

Because of this, the drinking husband begins to humiliate his wife, calls her names and tries in every possible way to bring her to tears. If something like this happened once, then you need to try to forget about what happened. It’s good if the spouse admitted his guilt and apologized, promising not to repeat this. Perhaps he will keep his word and won’t have to part with him.

However, if a person drank almost every day and regularly insulted, then any patience will not be enough. The easiest thing would be to file for divorce so that you don’t have to endure humiliation and suffer because of it. But the situation becomes more complicated if there is a common child or several children. Then the woman has reasons to want to save the family and return love. You should remember that if your husband swears, you nag him in response, then nothing good will come of it. A wise woman knows that aggression will not achieve the desired result.

What to do:

• Do not be rude in response, do not call names or try to humiliate.
• Do not interrupt, do not leave, listen with a calm expression on your face.
• Do not use force, as even a slap in the face can provoke a man to commit violent acts.
• Try not to shout, you can raise your voice a little if necessary.
• There is no point in explaining anything in a fit of anger. You need to wait until your husband cools down and only then try to talk to him.

However, if such behavior does not help, and you only managed to achieve a break between drinking sessions, then you should think about whether you need to live with such a person.

After all, if a spouse does not try to save the family and does not value his woman, then you should not waste your time on him.

Treatment or divorce from your husband?

The first and decisive step for you will be to define your goal.

1. If you continue to love your husband, despite his addiction, then a possible option for you would be to try to save him, cure him of alcoholism, and thereby avoid divorce. It is worth noting that it is possible to snatch a person from the clutches of the “green serpent”, the main thing is to motivate him correctly. However, this will be a very long and difficult process, requiring considerable effort from you and the “patient”. It’s definitely not possible to let everything take its course.
2. If life with a drinking husband has turned into hell, and you clearly realize that there is no way to help him, then the only way out of this situation is a divorce from your alcoholic husband. The main thing here is not to delay: if you decide, then you need to do it immediately, and not live on in the expectation that everything is about to change. After all, living with an alcoholic often means his constant absence from home, prolonged drinking sprees, endless conflicts, domestic quarrels, scandals and even assault. Divorce in this case will be the best solution to the problem.

How to treat

To understand how to live with an alcoholic husband, you need to determine the goals of your life together. Below are different situations:

1. If a woman loves her husband even with his addiction, then she needs to save her loved one and treat him for alcoholism. These attempts will help avoid divorce. It is important to contact specialists, narcologists. You will need motivation during treatment. The therapy process is complex and requires effort.
2. When life with a drinking man becomes unbearable, women look for ways to get rid of their alcoholic husband. You need to not delay, make a decision quickly, and not wait for changes. Living with an alcoholic is often accompanied by constant scandals, quarrels, conflicts, and domestic squabbles.

Female alcoholism develops very quickly. The third stage, at which treatment is practically meaningless, occurs after 2 years of regular drinking. The first signs of illness are a reason to consult a specialist.

Only after completing the course of treatment can you turn to traditional medicine, having received the consent of the attending physician.

If the spouse refuses treatment, there is no point in dragging her by force, there will be no effect, and the relationship will completely deteriorate. It's better to do it differently:

1. You can arrange a romantic dinner for your wife. A small amount of alcohol will help her relax and voice her problems that force her to drink. You need to listen carefully and understand.
2. It is important to spend more time with your spouse. Switch your attention to entertainment (theater, cinema, park, attractions, joint trips, dates), do not spare money at this stage.
3. If you have children, appeal to your maternal instinct. Remind that only with her attention and care will children be able to find happiness.
4. Select useful literature (positive psychology, books on self-realization), find an interesting activity that can become a hobby.
5. Avoid drinking circles.
6. Constantly encourage, say that support will be provided in everything.

It is important to remember that relapse can occur at any time. Therefore, it is important to keep everything under control, not to relax, to reach a successful ending together, leaving the disease in the past.

How to recognize an alcoholic before marriage

The signs of alcoholism do not have common characteristics and are described differently in different countries. Thus, the authoritative American source on the diagnosis and statistics of mental disorders - DSM-IV - notes two problematic situations: alcohol abuse and dependence on it.

Abuse is considered in the context of social problems. This diagnosis is made: when a person periodically neglects his duties as an employee due to drunkenness; creates dangerous situations (for example, driving while intoxicated); gets into trouble with law and order because of alcohol; continues to abuse, even when relationships with family and friends have deteriorated due to drunkenness.

Alcohol dependence is defined by seven criteria common to all psychoactive substances: tolerance, withdrawal symptoms, uncontrolled use, unsuccessful attempts to reduce the amount of alcohol, a large amount of time spent seeking and drinking alcohol, interference with family, work or leisure, and continued use without adjustment for problems. health problems caused by alcohol. To be recognized as alcohol dependent, it is not necessary to meet seven criteria, three are sufficient.

In Russian sources on narcology, the criteria are as follows. There are three stages of alcoholism (more precisely, four, if we take into account the “zero” stage, when a person strives to drink alcoholic beverages, but can safely abstain from them). Each stage has its own criteria, but the main ones are suppression of the gag reflex when drinking alcohol in the first stage, severe withdrawal symptoms and the need to “get hungover” in the second, and a complete inability to feel normal outside of intoxication in the third.

Each stage takes several years to complete. Even at the second stage, the person still looks socially adapted - he has no problems with work or with establishing social communications. Therefore, those around him may well not consider him sick. A woman may well understand that she is in front of an alcoholic, and under no circumstances should she marry him if the man has a hangover and he relieves this condition with a new portion of booze. A normal healthy person who has had too much to drink the night before and is suffering from a severe headache in the morning will perceive the offer to drink as a mockery; the very thought of drinking will only cause disgust. This is understandable, because the alcohol he drank turned into poison - an aldehyde, because of which he is now suffering, and he does not need a new dose. For a drinking person, such a proposal will only cause joy - after all, he, on the contrary, feels bad, because the alcohol in his blood has run out.

Another sign that should alert a woman is a man’s ability to drink himself to the point of blackouts. In narcology, this is called an alcoholic palimpsest: a person cannot recreate the sequence of events that happened to him during alcohol intoxication. Palimpsests appear at the very first stage, becoming more frequent at the second and third stages. In a healthy person they simply do not happen - the gag reflex will manifest itself before the palimpsest occurs.

It should be noted that alcoholism does not appear overnight; it takes a lot of time to go through each stage. Therefore, it is quite possible to notice your problem, realize it and try to solve it. Warning signs should be for a woman the constant desire of her companion to drink and the use of a variety of reasons for this, be it Friday evening, or criticism from her boss.

In the case of constant use, tolerance increases, i.e. resistance to alcohol - to achieve a state of intoxication, a larger and larger dose is required.

The next characteristic sign of alcoholism is obligate intoxication syndrome. A person experiences distinct frustration if a planned party with alcohol is suddenly canceled or it ends prematurely, when he has not yet reached intoxication. Then the alcoholic makes every effort to get drunk. Well, if he fails, an explosion of irritability and resentment follows.

The next stage is the delay of the saturation state. Now it is much more difficult to reach a state where it becomes clear that you can’t drink anymore, but at the same time there is discomfort if you stop and end up not getting drunk at all.

How addiction develops

At the same time, it often happens that much more worthy men pay attention to a woman, but with such women, unfortunately, everything is predetermined: if she is destined to become the wife of an alcoholic, then she will not choose anyone out of ten or twenty worthy men, because that the choice will fall on him.

What happens, how do such couples converge? A man allows himself to be helpless, weak and sometimes even immobilized, and a woman, in her opinion, shows her best side: she saves, empathizes, and acts decisively. This is where opposites meet.

Let's take a closer look at the scenario of her life. From an early age, the girl sees how her mother behaved in such situations. And as an adult, she did what her mother did. The lessons we learn as children become our automatic reactions. If a man cannot take care of himself, then this is a direct signal for such women to take care of him and ensure his safety.

The most important thing is that in this case the woman satisfies her need to serve someone, to save someone, to take on someone else’s responsibility, since it is purely his responsibility to be responsible for the consequences of a drunken state, even if he got into some kind of trouble. then history. He abdicated responsibility, she took over. That's it, the key has fit into the lock.

A woman lives in an atmosphere of drama, regular ups and downs, swinging from heaven to hell (“What a blessing that he is sober today!”). This gives both her and him a feeling of vitality and intensity of emotions. The woman has a very big problem, since she has long abandoned her real feelings, she has this method of pain relief.

She does not know how to live actively, she lives reactively, only reacting to what is happening in her husband's life. The truth is that the problem of such a woman is the woman herself, not her husband. However, she and her husband choose to live in a world of illusions, since real reality simply scares her.

Her protests and threats of divorce are just a smokescreen. In reality, a woman only does what she wants and lives the way she wants. Her husband is the one she wants. Moreover, this is the only kind of husband she needs, because living with him, she has the opportunity to satisfy her most important needs - to feed her incredibly low self-esteem every day.

Drunkenness develops after a certain time, and is preceded by a stage of abuse, when the negative consequences of drinking are already visible (at least to others), but dependence on alcohol has not yet occurred. Here you can still influence your husband by explaining to him all the consequences of alcohol abuse. But if this does not help, at a certain point in life a turning point occurs, and the person loses control over drinking alcohol.

The following factors contribute to the development of alcohol dependence in a person:

• negative influence of the environment;
• inability to cope with problems in life;
• genetics;
• long-term alcohol consumption.

Alcohol dependence is a disease associated with changes in the functioning of the brain, in its deep structure. Alcohol changes the functioning of a certain part of the brain in such a way that the body without alcohol works in an unfavorable, stressful mode. The physiological need for alcohol remains in the body not only during a hangover, but also during “good” times of sobriety, which manifests itself in the form of a craving for the substance.

If the husband is an alcoholic, you should also understand that alcoholism definitely changes a person’s psyche. So we can talk about the psychological side of this disease: the ability to feel and think changes.

The wife of an alcoholic must understand that addiction forces a person to suppress his feelings, and therefore he suffers twice:

• he receives little information about the outside world, because this information is perceived precisely through sensory experiences;
• he loses the ability to communicate with this world, since communication is based on feelings.

The husband is so dependent on alcohol that he resists recovery with all his might. Instead of helping him recover, there is a risk of starting to fight him. At the same time, something strange happens to the wives of alcoholics - they themselves get sick. The disease with the strange name “codependency” is not visible to them, just as addiction is not visible to their husbands.

It makes sense to save only in acute cases:

• when a person is unconscious;
• for open and closed injuries;
• in case of bleeding.

But if the husband drinks, then he does not need to be saved. It is better to try to help him overcome his illness himself. One should help, but at the same time believing in the saving power of the patient himself. Healing requires motivation, which a woman needs to find.

Alcoholic's wife

It doesn’t matter when the husband started looking into the glass: before or after the wedding. Wives of alcoholics who try to show heroism and maintain the illusion of a normal family for years are the same sick people as the drunkards themselves

Psychology calls this disease codependency.

Codependency develops gradually. A woman is drawn into a vicious circle by the same low self-esteem and the desire to prove her worth. She convinces herself that she sincerely loves the alcoholic (and he loves her) and begins to fight her husband’s drunkenness. First, the wife tries to show her husband her best qualities: what a wonderful housewife, mother, lover she is. But the alcohol addict continues to drink and does not notice the efforts of his wife. Then the woman uses the stick instead of the carrot: hysterics are used, threats to file for divorce and take away the children if the husband does not stop drinking. Meanwhile, the threats do not go further than words, and after a couple of days the unfortunate woman again puts her “no” husband to bed and brings him basins. True, she can still go to her mother for a while, but she returns after her husband’s first promise to settle down, which he, of course, is not going to fulfill.

Wives of drinking husbands - who are they and why do they make such a choice?

It can be argued that no one becomes the wife of an alcoholic voluntarily. Well, the husband drinks every day, what does his wife have to do with it? But girls marry aspiring healthy men. But over the years, they turn into completely different people. But this is a real myth, a fairy tale, which is convenient to justify one’s inaction and passivity.

Male alcoholism does not appear out of nowhere. In 18 out of 20 cases, this harmful and destructive habit “comes” from family, friends and social circle. Long before marriage, after several meetings with the betrothed’s parents or friends, one can determine a man’s tendency toward alcoholism. Women see this, know it, and make choices consciously or unconsciously. More on the reasons below.

Family model

Girls more often choose potential alcoholics if one of the girl’s close relatives was close friends with alcohol. The mechanism of choosing a marriage partner is complex and has not yet been studied enough. One thing is clear to scientists: the majority choose men who are similar to their fathers in appearance or behavioral characteristics. And alcoholism is no exception.

Low self-esteem

There are very common cases when parents with the best intentions program their daughter, deliberately lowering her self-esteem. Such a child is easier to control and has more leverage over him than someone who evaluates himself adequately. In early childhood, low self-esteem does not cause big problems. But starting from adolescence, it becomes the source of a whole “bouquet” of difficulties.

This girl doesn't know how to say no. A worthy man will not pay attention to her. She's sure of it. And if he converts, it won’t be for long and he will immediately change, betray, exchange for another. But a guy suffering from alcohol addiction would rather go drinking with friends than go on a date with someone else. Moreover, against his background, a girl with low self-esteem seems more attractive and interesting.

Martyr complex

Paradoxically, some girls and women are not satisfied with the responsibilities that life places on them. They strive to take on even more, sometimes deliberately shouldering the most difficult trials so that others will appreciate their exploits. An alcoholic husband is one of the most striking examples of a martyr complex.

Such a man often earns little, and sometimes does not work at all. He removes and sells things from the house. Scandals and even assault in such a family are not uncommon, but the norm of life. But a martyr woman does not leave her husband. And instead of building his own life, he puts it on the altar of his addiction. Moreover, he does this demonstratively, for show, expecting recognition and praise from others.

An alcoholic husband - what a woman should do and how to behave correctly

If we are talking about alcoholism of the second or third stage, then scolding and persuading the addict is simply useless. His brain is subject to processes of degradation and destruction. Some of his cells have died, so the patient is not always able to adequately perceive the information received.

He has difficulty understanding what they want from him. The spouse's reproaches and dissatisfaction affect the drinker like a red rag on a bull - the reactions can be the most undesirable and very dangerous.

A woman must adhere to the following rules:

• Do not compare your husband with other men, do not humiliate or insult him. It is useless to put pressure on feelings of guilt by demonstrating the advantages of other representatives of the stronger half of humanity. An alcoholic may begin to experience a pathological feeling of jealousy. Then he will begin to suspect his wife of cheating. This will manifest itself as uncontrolled aggression.
• Stop complaining about fate. It is extremely rare for girls to marry binge drunks. Usually men turn into alcoholics already in marriage. There is no need to include the position of the victim - it is more important to understand why the spouse began to abuse alcohol, reconsider his own behavior, and conduct a deep analysis of the relationship.
• Seek help only from qualified narcologists. There is no point in complaining to neighbors or relatives - they will not help. Moreover, having learned that the wife tells everyone about her husband’s actions, the latter may decide to take revenge on her. Therefore, help should be sought where it can be provided - in a narcology clinic.
• Do not take responsibility for the drunkard's mistakes. It is unacceptable to justify him to his superiors, to pay off his debts, to do his job. This will worsen an already difficult situation. Let your husband solve problems during sober days. This is the only way he will be able to notice that he is “going downhill.” If he refuses to do anything, there is still no need to interfere.

It is also important not to sympathize with the drinker. Often, seeing how he suffers in the morning after a feast, the woman herself brings him a glass of alcohol. Of course, this measure allows you to muffle the withdrawal syndrome, but it is also a reason to continue drinking further.

How to deal with addiction on your own

If for a long time the family lived literally in perfect harmony, and the husband suddenly began to drink, then what to do in such a situation? It is necessary to combat such a problem immediately after its manifestation, nipping the pathology in the bud. First of all, we need to identify the cause. If a spouse suddenly starts drinking, then there is some good reason for this, which should be identified and tried to be eliminated.

Experts also advise providing support to your man. In such cases, if the reason for the sudden binge is based on some failure or misfortune of the spouse, then the wife should be constantly nearby; try in every possible way to pull your man out of a state of depression, during which he began to drink alcohol.

You must be persistent, convincing your spouse that such manifestations of alcoholism cannot be called a way out of the current unpleasant situation.

Consequences of binge drinking

Binge drinking can cause disorders of the nervous system and also negatively affect the functioning of internal organs. When a patient is on a drinking binge, his only goal is to seek alcohol. If an alcoholic cannot find alcohol, he may drink something else, which has a detrimental effect on his health and can lead to poisoning. A binge that lasts a considerable number of days ends due to several reasons. One of these reasons is lack of money. Also, an alcoholic may stop drinking due to some serious changes in life: dismissal from work, divorce from his wife, etc. Sometimes an alcoholic's body simply refuses to accept alcohol.

The consequences of binge drinking can be very serious. As long-term binge drinking ends, mental disorders, such as delirium tremens, may occur. “Delirium tremens” is an alcoholic psychosis, during which the patient loses all common sense and also ceases to navigate where he is. The symptom manifests itself in nightmares, constant feelings of anxiety, visual and auditory hallucinations. Alcohol delirium can lead to death.

How to live with an alcoholic

There is a concept of “codependency”. People living at home with an alcoholic are also sick. Most often, family members exhibit neurosis. Children develop poorly and have mental disorders. This is reflected in studying and interaction with other people. Their idea of ​​values ​​is destroyed.

Relatives get used to living in a constant stressful environment. They may stop communicating with relatives, friends, and acquaintances. It is difficult for them to overcome the feeling of shame for the drinker in the family.

There are often situations when relatives adopt the behavior pattern of the drinker and begin to drink alcohol themselves.

A man always faces a choice: to live or not with his alcoholic wife. If yes, then how? First you need to find out why your spouse abuses alcohol. Sometimes it’s enough just to show concern and change your attitude towards your spouse.

If your wife starts drinking alone almost every day after work, there is a serious problem.

Women's psychology has its own characteristics, unlike men's, so it is important to promptly identify the psychological aspects of the disease and eliminate them before irreparable consequences occur.

You need to support your soulmate, regardless of the root causes of the addiction. Help her, let her understand that all difficulties can be solved, the main thing is that her loved ones are nearby, value her, love her, her family needs her. You cannot ignore the problem, make a scandal, or force a woman to immediately give up her addiction. Screaming, swearing, scandals will only make the situation worse.

Unfortunately, many men, having learned about difficulties, decide everything radically - by divorcing their spouse. Psychologists recommend not to get divorced, maintain a comfortable environment in the family, and help the addict get rid of the addiction. A favorable outcome in resolving the issue depends on the type of development of family relationships:

1. A strong family where love and loyalty reign. Everyone is trying together to find a way out of a difficult life situation. It is necessary to make the alcoholic want to get rid of the habit, persuade him to undergo treatment (if necessary, place the patient in a hospital), and convince him that another drink will only worsen the accumulated problems.
2. Difficult relationships between spouses. Regular scandals, quarrels, misunderstandings during the entire period of living together exclude a successful outcome of the situation. At first, the husband actively tries to help his soul mate, but he lacks the desire and strength to fight his wife’s illness for a long time. And a drunk wife does not strive to get out of regular binges. This is a dead end for relationships. Most couples choose to get divorced.

Alcoholism is a test of strength. Whether to deal with a loved one’s illness or to avoid the problem is something everyone chooses for themselves.

What should a wife do when her husband drinks regularly?

There is no single and objective advice that will help women overcome the problem of their husband’s alcoholism. It is important to take into account the current situation in the family. When your husband is an alcoholic - advice:

1. First of all, you need to prepare yourself mentally. When a woman is afraid of an upcoming divorce or does not want to lose her drinking husband, then humility appears in her. She begins to indulge his addiction, and scandals and hysterics often arise in the family. An unfavorable environment leads to a worsening of the husband’s alcohol addiction. Women need to face their fears and realize that she can live a wonderful life without an alcoholic. When a man understands the independence of his life partner, he begins to change, he can give up addiction, start playing sports and restore relationships.
2. Problems with a drinking husband should not come to the fore and occupy all thoughts. It is important for women to find time for themselves. You can change your hairstyle and clothing style. Such changes will help yourself and your husband. It is important to be feminine and charming.
3. Intimate life with your spouse should not fade into the background. In most cases, men start drinking alcohol when they feel dissatisfied.
4. Women can organize common leisure time, spend more time with their husbands, and communicate on interesting topics. You need to become a support and support for your husband, help him find a new activity and hobby. An alcoholic needs to be relieved of boredom and routine and familiar life. Women can try to find common interests with their husbands, start a hobby, and take care of family household matters. They must be extraordinary. Pleasant changes in the family include purchasing a car, building or renovating a dacha.

When choosing the appropriate assistance option, it is necessary to analyze the premises of a male alcoholic. They often like to drink, to experience the pleasure of temporary intoxication. Alcoholic drinks lift your mood, give you a feeling of euphoria, and your state becomes relaxed.

Alcoholics experience anxiety and an atmosphere of drama. As a result, sober life becomes less interesting and eventful, and mundane. To deal with regular stressful situations, many men resort to alcohol. Scientists have proven that when drinking alcohol, a person receives attention, care and sympathy.

How to deal with an alcoholic: important advice from a psychologist

Make the problem public. You need to gather all your close relatives and have a serious conversation with the drinking person. Under no circumstances should you hide the fact that your husband drinks, because he will get used to it and will be happy with everything. When the whole family gathers around a round table, and everyone expresses their arguments regarding alcoholism to the sick person, the person will think and understand how serious this problem is. Do not try to influence your husband when he is intoxicated. Many wives clearly know what to do with a drunken husband, but they are lost and do not know what to say when the husband is sober. They keep quiet, don’t talk about their experiences, and men understand that they can get away with it. A woman’s task is not to scold her husband or beat him when he is in an inadequate state, but to convey to him all her pain and suffering when he is sober. You need to try to control yourself, try to reduce conflict with your drinking husband. If your spouse comes home in an inadequate state, then you don’t need to throw your fists at him or scream, you need to put him in bed and give him the opportunity to sleep

It is advisable to talk to a person when he is sober. It is necessary to periodically remind your husband, but not to focus daily attention on the fact that he needs to stop drinking. The task of the relatives is to convince the patient, and not to force him to take his head, turn to specialists, and admit that he is an alcoholic, in the end.

How to make you quit

The difficulty is that an addict rarely considers herself sick and believes that she can stop the addiction whenever she wants. While the husband is thinking about how to get his wife to stop drinking, she is sure that there is no problem.

At the first symptoms of incipient alcoholism, a man must take care of his wife and not let things take their course. Hoping that your spouse will get rid of addiction on her own is dangerous. We need to find out what the reason is and help get rid of it. It's better to start small. For example, a conversation at home, where a woman can relax and escape from depressing difficulties and worries.

How to help a drinking wife:

• Rid the house of any alcohol.
• Forget about alcohol yourself, at least for a while, and become an example of a sober lifestyle.
• Do not meet friends who drink, avoid visiting places where there may be alcohol, and do not have gatherings at home.
• If possible, do not be away for a long time. Loneliness is another reason to hit the bottle.
• Support your spouse, avoid quarrels and threats of divorce.
• Plan a joint visit to a specialist. Explain that only there, through the joint efforts of family and doctors, can a positive effect be achieved.

What you definitely shouldn't do:

• Blame. A woman may be aware of the difficulty that has arisen, but does not know how to stop.
• Threaten with treatment. The positive outcome of therapy depends only on the voluntary consent of the patient. To prevent a woman from becoming hysterical, there is no need to put pressure on her. It is better to explain the advantages of treatment, she will make the right decision herself.
• Deprive of money and freedom of movement. This will aggravate the situation and pit the addict against her loved ones. Usually nothing stops such people. They find a way to get alcohol and get drunk.
• To give up. There is always a chance to get out of a negative situation. The main thing is to do everything together and wait for improvements.

The sooner you start treatment, the greater the chances of getting rid of addiction without serious consequences for both the woman and her family.

Fighting addiction

When the problem is alcoholism, then it is important to overcome this disease in order to improve relationships. It will not be enough to say “don’t drink”, you will need to take certain measures

You can try to overcome cravings for alcohol at home. To do this, you must first cleanse the body of ethanol and its breakdown substances. A person should not even allow himself to drink sometimes, so as not to relapse. You need to improve your diet and use vitamins to normalize the functioning of your body.

Tools from the Internet that help cope with alcoholism have proven themselves to be effective. It contains only natural ingredients, so the preparations are safe for humans.

Folk remedies can be used as a supplement, but not as the main method of treatment. Because healing decoctions can support the functioning of organs, but are not effective enough to combat addiction. Therefore, you should use medications if you want to achieve a positive result.

As a last resort, you will need to go to a clinic where you can fight your cravings for alcohol. Specialists will help a person recognize the presence of a problem, and also set them up to resist addiction. The clinic puts in IVs and prescribes medications that can help. Doctors closely monitor a person’s condition, and they will really help overcome alcoholism.

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Treatment without wife's knowledge

Sometimes you have to resort to treatment with folk remedies. Adding or adding any medications is only possible after a detailed study of all components and consultation with a doctor. Because this therapy is illegal, involuntary treatment may require written permission from the court.

Common recipes:

1. Hoof tincture. Pour no more than 20 g of plant root into a glass of water (200 ml), boil, let it brew for 20 minutes, strain, add 1 tbsp. spoon into vodka. The plant is poisonous, do not exceed the dosage. The decoction acts as an emetic when combined with alcohol.
2. Add 2 bay leaves and lovage (root) to 200 ml of vodka and leave for 2 weeks in a dark, cool place. Strain and give to the patient. The tincture causes nausea and vomiting. Give no more than 2 times a week.
3. Infuse raw oats with water for about 10 hours. Boil and simmer for 1.5 hours. Add 1 tbsp. a spoonful of wormwood, thyme, centaury. After cooling, crush and strain. Take 100 ml of the resulting decoction 4 times a day before meals.