What should I do if I'm scared alone at home? How to overcome the fear of being alone at home

Hello Marianna!

I want to offer you 4 steps that will help you cope with your fear:

1. First, we prevent the further development of fear.
2. Then we define the fear itself (what exactly are you afraid of?).
3. After that, we work with fear outside of the scary situation.
4. Finally, we work with fear within a scary situation.

Step 1. Prevent further development of fear.

The first thing that can and should be done in this situation is to tell your parents about your fear (if you have not already done so). You can ask them to alert you if they are delayed (for example, by calling). This step will allow you to avoid a large number of scary situations and prevent the further development of fear. However, to get rid of fear, as you already understood, you need to understand what exactly you are afraid of.

Step 2. Define fear. Reception "A film about a terrible situation."

One of the easiest ways to understand this is to watch a “movie” about a scary situation (when you are left at home alone) - in your imagination. To do this, in a safe environment for you, close your eyes and imagine that your parents have left home and are lingering. And then let your imagination show you the worst possible scenario - and show it to the very end. If (only in the imagination!) the worst does happen, what exactly will it be? What do you see in your “film”?

A person who cannot understand what he is afraid of most often simply does not watch this very “film” to the end. He is so scared to look there that he gives in to his fear and thus “runs away” from it. Meanwhile, in order to defeat your fear, it is very important to gain courage and face it face to face, to prove that you are stronger than fear. And you can start by watching this film to the end.

In general, while watching the film, you will most likely encounter one of two possible endings:

1. Are you afraid that something will happen to your parents?
2. You are afraid that something will happen to you in their absence.

Usually a psychologist gives a person different techniques in the first and second cases. But since we don’t yet know what exactly you are afraid of, I suggest you do those exercises that are suitable in any case.

Step 3. We work with fear outside of a scary situation. “Drawing of Fear” technique.

Take a sheet of paper and colored pencils, markers or paints. Draw your fear. The first thing that comes to your mind is how you want to draw it. Don't be lazy, make a drawing right now.

Once your drawing is ready, answer the following questions and follow these steps:

1. What feelings do you have about this fear on the sheet - positive or negative? Is he good or bad for you?
2. If the fear is good, talk to it (address it out loud or silently, but always looking at a piece of paper), make friends, ask it in situations where parents leave, to become smaller or leave completely. Explain to fear that it is bothering you, so it must go away. In this case, in situations where your parents leave, you will always be able to come to terms with your fear again - and you will notice how quickly it will decrease.
3. If the fear is bad, look inside yourself and think about what you want to do with it. You might want to redraw it, or crumple it, or tear it up and throw it away, or make an airplane out of it and let it out of the window, etc. Do exactly what you want most. Let go of fear from yourself, because as long as you hold it yourself, it is your choice. When you drew fear, it “came out” of you onto paper. Now you can get rid of it if you want!

Step 4. We work with fear within a terrible situation. Exercise “Fear in a friend.”

You write that it is difficult for you to control yourself in situations when your fear arises. This exercise may help you. In the next similar situation (when you are left at home alone), you will have an interesting task. You need to imagine that such fear right now exists not in you, but in your friend (choose any friend or just a girl you know). It is much easier for each of us to support the other in a difficult situation, because at the same time we are beyond our fear, which means we are able to reason sensibly and calmly. If you want, take any object (for example, a soft toy) or a photo of your friend, put it in a place convenient for you so that it is convenient for you to “talk” to her.

Your task is to start encouraging her, because... she's scared. Say some words of support, reassure her so that she stops being afraid. You can mentally pat him on the shoulder and provide some evidence that there is no need to be afraid. Calm your friend down in any way you like - just with a gentle voice, arguments, an imaginary pat on the shoulder, a hug, watching funny videos together, etc. You will definitely be able to do this if you try. The main thing is to remember to address your friend by name and speak to her on a first-name basis.

Finish the exercise when you feel that you feel better.

Marianne, you are asking whether your fear can be influenced by the music you are listening to now. Yes, maybe, if she makes you think about something bad, which in your mind is associated with the absence of your parents at home. Now it is much better to concentrate on the good, try not to watch or listen to what provokes your fear (“bad” programs, stories, pictures on the Internet, etc.), if you feel that they only intensify the fear and feed it.

Good luck in overcoming it, Marianna!

According to WHO statistics, about 7% of people of different ages have some kind of phobia, some of them are afraid to stay at home alone. Psychologists advise such people not to let their imagination run wild, but to stop fear at the beginning. For example, if you hear an alarming sound, don’t be too lazy to see what it is. Or check the locks and alarms before going to bed so as not to be afraid that thieves will break into the house. It is also not recommended to watch scary programs and thrillers, and avoid conversations on “slippery” topics.

If panic attacks occur, you should consult a doctor and undergo an examination. Often, such symptoms mean vascular pathologies, dystonia, heart rhythm disturbances, or problems with the organs of vision and hearing. If everything is fine with somatics, then the reason may be neurosis or psychosis.

Such features of the subconscious as irrational fears have been preserved with us since ancient times. They stem from ignorance of the world order. Man has always been frightened by many things that were inexplicable at that time (darkness at night, lightning, thunder, illness, etc.). According to one of the existing theories, these primitive phobias lie dormant in the subconscious for a certain time and wake up when a person is weakened by an illness, is very frightened, or experiences fatigue or stress.

It's important not to let anxiety get the better of you. Fears are useful because they are designed to protect us from dangers. They are a reflection of our nature. You just need to know how to work with them.

The best is its disclosure. This is done like this: you can walk around the apartment to make sure there are no people, turn on the lights and music, imitate ease and fun, or talk with an imaginary interlocutor.

Breathing exercises are very relaxing: inhale and exhale deeply through your nose three times, while inhaling, inflate your stomach without raising your chest and shoulders. After every three inhalations and exhalations, you should change your body position. This will help you relax. To avoid feeling lonely and helpless, you can walk around the apartment and talk to someone on the phone.

Trouble has come - close the gate

To start fighting fear, you first need to understand its origin. Psychologists have identified two main types of fear of being alone at home:

• autophobia – fear of loneliness;
• topophobia – fear of indoor spaces.

Let's take a closer look at these concepts.

AUTOPHOBIA

- a very common mental disorder. A person suffering from it is terrified of being left alone. It is advisable to treat this disease in the early stages, otherwise there is a danger that the person will commit suicide, unable to cope with fear. According to statistics, it is among autophobes that there is a high percentage of suicides.

The main cause of this phobia is the fear of abandonment. This comes from childhood. Trying to stop the child’s hysteria, the parent declares: “if you don’t stop, I will leave you and go away.” This phrase can leave an indelible mark on a child’s psyche. And in adulthood, a person develops a phobia of loneliness, a fear of being abandoned. Less commonly, the following factors can cause fear: a painful breakup in a relationship, where your partner blames you for the breakup, or the death of a loved one, when the bitterness of loss is already clouding your mind.

It is impossible to give an exact list of reasons for the fear of being alone at home, but let’s try to identify the main ones:

Lack of attention in infancy.

The mother had little contact with the child and did not approach him for a long time when he was crying. The less time a child is given in early childhood, the greater the likelihood of developing a phobia of being alone.

Education of personal qualities.

The child is left to his own devices. Adults do not pay attention to his psychological state and development.

Alone with myself.

The child was often threatened with abandonment (left somewhere, given to an uncle, sent to a boarding school); they were locked alone in a dark room as punishment for wrongdoing.

Bad Company.

Lack of attention in the family, the child tries to get it outside, often ending up in a bad environment.

Difficulties of adolescence.

Without receiving the necessary moral support and love from their parents during the transition period, children are traumatized for life.

Family issue.

Growing up, a person is afraid of not having time to start a family and a child for some reason, and is horrified at the thought of being completely late with this issue.

Misplaced gullibility.

Fearing being left alone, a person quickly becomes attached to unreliable people who can take advantage of his gullibility for their own benefit.

Fear of losing a spouse.

A person is horrified by the death or betrayal of a close friend, loved one or spouse. Self-esteem problem. Such a problem can cause a lack of contact with others and, as a result, dooms a person to forced loneliness.

Love is gone.

A serious breakup, betrayal, deception in a past relationship leaves its mark on a person, forcing him to show distrust to all persons of the opposite sex.

Memory notebook.

The hardest thing to forget is the negative events in your life. At the most inopportune moments, our memory likes to throw up memories of fiascos we have experienced, of the mental discomfort of being alone.

Career boom.

The desire of today's people to build a career and self-realization leaves practically no space or time for any kind of relationship. This automatically condemns a person to loneliness and forms phobias.

Do not forget that this is by no means a complete list, because there are so many problems. And in some cases, it is generally impossible to accurately determine the cause of the fear of being alone at home. After all, when a person is left at home alone, he remains there along with all his traumas and problems - you cannot run away from yourself. And not everyone is able to cope with them and overcome them without outside help. If you do not provide such a person with timely help, his own home may seem like hell for him.

Alone at home

This happened in November. My parents went for a week to visit some second cousin in Tula, who supposedly needed help preparing for the wedding. I stayed at home with my five-year-old sister Masha. We lived in a private house, not far from the city.

Day 1.

I woke up quite early. My sister was sitting on the floor and sorting out her toys. It was necessary to prepare some food and feed the child.

Half an hour later, breakfast was ready and I called Masha into the kitchen. After enjoying the cereal and juice, my sister ran to my parents’ room to watch TV, and I started washing the dishes.

Soon a friend called me and invited me to go for a walk. Without thinking twice, I agreed. It was impossible to leave Masha at home, because she was afraid of some monster, well, like most children, so I had to take her with me.

We walked for a short time and returned home by lunchtime. My sister didn't want to eat. Of course, during the walk she ate enough sweets and cookies. Mom would have beaten me for this, but oh well.

My sister and I had separate rooms, but while my parents were away, she settled in mine.

Time flew by very quickly and soon it was already very late. I put Masha to bed and started watching the movie.

Suddenly some sounds came from the kitchen. Pausing the movie, I headed towards the source of the sound. There was no one in the kitchen and I returned to my room. I no longer wanted to watch the movie and went to bed.

Day 2.

I woke up around twelve. There was no sister in the room. Her absence did not seem strange to me; most likely, Masha is sitting in her parents’ room and watching cartoons, which are usually on at this time. And so it turned out.

I was allowed not to go to school, but this did not free me from homework.

The day passed very quickly. Nothing interesting happened.

Day 3.

That day my sister woke me up. She screamed and I had to run to her to find out what happened.

From my sister’s story, I understood that she saw a man in the window who looked at her and then disappeared. What nonsense? We have a good security system, alarm system and all that. It would be impossible for someone else to get into the site. I thought that my sister was imagining things and did not take seriously her request to check the area around the house.

Later Masha calmed down, we ate and decided to take a walk.

We returned at half past six. What were we doing all this time I was on the street? Yes, actually, nothing... My sister just didn’t want to return home.

After dinner, we sat down to watch a cartoon. This made my sister feel calmer.

I couldn't sleep that day. Masha tossed and turned all night, and I imagined some sounds.

Day 4.

My mother's call woke me up at half past ten. She asked if everything was fine with us and if we needed to bring something from Tula. I said that everything was fine, we were having a good time and there was no need to bring anything. Of course, I reassured my mother, but my anxiety remained.

On this day, Masha and I locked ourselves in a room and did not leave it (we brought food in advance).

It was already 2 am. Suddenly someone started knocking on the room.

Knock. Knock.

My sister was scared and I hugged her and began to calm her down. Nothing will happen...

Knock Knock.

This time the knocking was louder.

Nothing will happen, I repeated in my head.

Day 5.

I called my friend and asked her to come.

An hour later she was already sitting in my kitchen. After listening to my story, she thought that I was kidding her, but I swore that it was all the truth.

After that night, my sister went everywhere with me. Of course: the child was very scared.

How happy I was when my friend agreed to stay overnight with me.

After dinner we all went to my room and locked ourselves in again.

Soon footsteps began to be heard. So heavy and rough. Everyone was filled with fear. We walked on the first floor, most likely in the kitchen. My sister was curled up on the sofa, and my friend and I were listening to strange sounds.

Half an hour later someone knocked on the door.

Knock. Knock.

We sat in silence.

KNOCK. KNOCK.

My sister squealed quietly and came up to me. Tears appeared on her face.

Knock. Knock.

This time the knocker had no intention of leaving.

KNOCK KNOCK.

We couldn't even move. They started scratching at the door. Oh that terrible sound.

Soon the sounds died down. The clock showed 4:07 am.

Day 6.

All. My parents will arrive tomorrow. This all must end...

My friend swore at me and left, saying that she would never return here again.

My sister and I walked around the whole house, but found only traces that led to the basement. We were smart enough not to go there.

That day we decided to go to our grandmother and spent the night with her too.

Day 7. Last.

We returned from grandma's at three o'clock in the afternoon. The parents warned that they would be home around ten in the evening.

My sister drew terrible pictures all day. They showed the man she had seen a few days ago at the window.

At eight o'clock in the evening we sat in the living room and watched TV. Half an hour later we heard footsteps again. I took Masha in my arms and went up to my room. Suddenly the light turned off.

The door began to open quietly, my sister buried her face in my shoulder. I saw the silhouette of a man. He stood still for half a minute and began to approach us. That's it, this is the end...

The front door opened and mom's voice was heard. The man disappeared. I begged my sister not to tell anyone about what happened. She agreed and we went downstairs.

We all sat down at the table, our parents told us about our aunt’s bad character and other nonsense, but I didn’t listen, I couldn’t get this man out of my head. What if he comes again?

Symptoms and manifestations of fear of loneliness

Often such a disorder is almost impossible to determine; from the outside, such behavior may seem quite characteristic of a particular person. But there are still signs by which you can try to identify the disease.

TOPOPHOBIA

– this fear is diverse. With this disorder, a person is afraid not of loneliness itself, but specifically of the types of premises in which he is located. People suffering from topophobia are afraid of a certain type of them - dressing rooms, cellars, pantries, boiler rooms, bathrooms. In the advanced phase, a person is afraid of absolutely any premises, even his own home.

The reasons for such fears are more banal than in the previous version. And most likely, the roots go back to childhood. Parents could practice this type of punishment, such as leaving the child alone in a dark room, in a corner; some even put their knees on buckwheat, peas or corn (for more serious offenses). There is an option that, being at home alone, the child could be afraid of something - a sound, a shadow, someone’s voices. There are a lot of options.

More rare, but still possible, are cases where a child could be left alone during a natural disaster (flood, hurricane, earthquake). Here the fear that there is nowhere to wait for help is triggered.

After such experiences, a person, being alone in a room, constantly experiences discomfort, developing into hysteria and panic.

Chest to embrasure

Any ailment can be treated. All fears can be overcome, and the sooner this is done, the better. There are several options for dealing with it: contact a specialist and undergo a course of treatment, or take measures that will minimize the fear of staying at home alone.

Here are some tips based on psychotherapeutic approaches:

1. At the first manifestations of a phobia, a person needs to realize that it is not always possible to constantly communicate with people. Loneliness is normal.
2. In order not to feel the full weight of this phenomenon, you just need to find something to do - work, a hobby or doing household chores.
3. A visit to a psychologist will help cope with anxiety and prevent it from developing into a more complex disease.
4. You need to find some time for yourself in your life to break out of your daily routine. You can spend it in different ways: go to a store or cafe, meet with friends, visit your family. In addition, this will additionally distract a person from gloomy thoughts about loneliness.

Precautions you can take yourself to improve your well-being:

Trust the instincts of animals.

It is believed that animals such as dogs and cats can detect danger in advance due to their keen sense of hearing and smell. Get a pet; in the company of him you will not be so lonely and scared.

Find refuge in a city or village.

Find out which zone will make you feel calmer and safer. Each person is individual: some are more comfortable in a noisy metropolis, while others are more comfortable in a guarded suburb.

Take action right away.

If fear is associated with otherworldly forces, place amulets in different places in your home. Keep a metal object near your bed: our ancestors believed that metal wards off ghosts. It is believed that scissors under the pillow will get rid of nightmares. Another example is to direct your thoughts to the place that seems to you to be the safest. You can also imagine the places you dream of visiting. These simple methods will help you relax and relieve tension. Well, the simplest solution is to install technical security measures, such as cameras and alarms.

Stay on the same floor.

If you have a large house with several floors, it is easier to stay on one of them that is most comfortable for you. When alone, try to minimize the use of stairs and avoid dark corners. Find places in the house where you are not afraid to be alone. One of these places can be the kitchen, cooking is always a distraction and you have a lot of self-defense items at hand. Alternatively, the same frying pan or rolling pin.

Keep yourself busy.

To avoid being scared by yourself, find something to do - knitting, embroidery, sewing, any handmade craft that can captivate and distract you. Turn on your favorite music, read an interesting book, the plot of which will interest you and distract you from negative thoughts and panic. You can also watch a good comedy or another interesting film, the only thing is don’t watch horror films, they will only make the situation worse.

It's easier to prevent than to cure.

If something frightens you, do not rush to panic and give free rein to your imagination, you need to educate yourself. Go and check the source of the fear. Most likely, it will turn out to be something quite ordinary - the rustling of leaves, the rustling of a bag, the creaking of wood. If the fear persists, methodically check that all windows and doors in the house are closed. Knowing that everything is closed and no one has gotten inside will bring relief.

Fear of sleeping alone in an apartment. I'm terrified of spending the night alone

Good afternoon, dear community members! I really hope that you will help me cope with my problem or at least tell me from which side I should look at it. I'm terrified of spending the night alone at home. and now the situation is such that this will happen on a regular basis, because I will have to live alone. I rent an apartment; I used to live in it with my loved one. but we broke up with the person, and he actually no longer lives there. The apartment as a whole is good, pleasant, I love it very much, during the day I’m not at all scared in it. a little kitten appeared. I naively believed that it would not be so scary with him, but no, this horror has not gone away. The same thing happened in my home, where my parents still live. I was crazy afraid to be alone at night and there was only one such episode. and that too! my close friend talked to me on Skype with video

connection until I simply disconnected. and then didn’t turn off Skype, so that when I suddenly woke up, I could see her sleeping on the monitor :) I’ve been very emotional and very suspicious since childhood. Despite the fact that I never really watched horror, something mystical always scared me. I remember an episode from my childhood. I made dolls from some rags and yellow “eggs” from Kinder Surprise. I remember, I went to bed, strange sounds began - as if someone were taking these “eggs”, throwing them up and throwing them on the floor. we had a cat, but he was not in the room. I called my mother. as soon as she arrived, the sounds stopped. Since then, I had a magic spell - before going to bed, I recited it (from the series “Don’t scare me, please, today!”) for a very, very long time, right up to a very adult age. I really hoped that I wouldn’t be scared in another place - but I’m scared. I'm not just scared, I'm panicking. I imagine sounds like someone walking, some shadows, I don’t know what else. I really like to be alone at home, but from about 11 pm I become uncomfortable, and around the hour I feel overcome with horror. I can’t even describe what scares me, it’s some kind of unaccountable fear. leaving the light on doesn't help. firstly, it makes me no less scared, and secondly, with the light on I physically cannot sleep. Today I had a sleepover like this, I cooed until 4 am, then I fell asleep, slept very restlessly, jumping up every 20 minutes. It’s unbearable to live like this all the time, as you understand. I would be very grateful for any advice, recommendations and support. Thank you very much in advance!

Features of autophobia

Autophobia is a mental disorder in which the patient develops a fear of being alone with his thoughts. The phobia manifests itself in moments of loneliness, when, under certain circumstances, a person is left alone at home, at work, etc. Often the patient experiences a feeling of anxiety or panic even when the thought of being alone arises.

Despite the clear signs, it is very difficult for a person suffering from it to independently identify autophobia.

Those susceptible to this fear try in any way to constantly “stay in touch” with relatives, friends and colleagues. By meeting in person or talking on the phone, a person avoids the appearance of thoughts that cause fear.

This phobia should not be underestimated. According to psychologists, panic attacks can become so severe that the patient may even have thoughts of suicide. Therefore, it is important to learn how to deal with a phobia alone or with the help of specialists.

Main causes of autophobia

The fear of being alone at home appears in early childhood. The most common reason is a traumatic situation experienced when parents locked the child alone in an apartment or room. In addition, being at home alone can be difficult due to simple educational threats from the mother or father. Even the phrase “I’ll lock you in your room now!” thrown at a child for disobedience! may cause fear.

Experts say that it is very difficult to identify the exact cause of autophobia in a patient. Childhood experiences are hidden in the subconscious, and sometimes it is impossible to identify them.

Fear may arise in childhood or adolescence due to the following factors:

• lack of attention to the child from his parents;
• frequent threats by the mother or father to “leave” the child somewhere alone;
• first failures in love;
• constant employment of loved ones (they do not find time to communicate).

Fear of loneliness can also develop due to the personal qualities of the patient. People with low self-esteem or excessive gullibility are more likely to experience autophobia. The cause of a phobia may be fear for the health and life of loved ones.

Autophobia can develop due to loneliness in childhood

How to identify your fear of being alone at home

Signs of autophobia can be of different types. Often the symptoms of fear are so subtle that they are difficult to identify even for a psychotherapist. According to statistics, autophobia is diagnosed more often in women.

But experts associate such statistics with the fact that men tend to “hide” their experiences from others. There is only one conclusion: the stronger sex faces such a phobia no less often than women.

A phobia can manifest itself in the form of physical symptoms: trembling in the body, increased temperature or increased heart rate. The appearance of such signs is not excluded, but they occur less frequently than behavioral and psychological symptoms. Autophobia can be identified by signs such as:

1. Feeling anxious about little things. Fear may appear when the patient is forced to be alone at home, or due to the distance of close people, their inaccessibility (the phone is turned off).
2. Lack of self-confidence. The patient constantly seeks help from others. Their presence next to a person is enough.
3. Attempts to “hold” a loved one during moments of separation.
4. Illogicality in actions. The patient can buy uncomfortable housing closer to his own loved ones, marry an unloved person, etc.

Based on such factors, it is difficult to identify the presence of autophobia in a person. Advice from psychologists: you need to help yourself by drawing up your own “psychological portrait.” Most often, individuals suffering from autophobia easily succumb to the influence of others and strive to attract the attention of others by any means. They are irresponsible and dependent, jealous and have difficulties in their own realization.

The feeling of anxiety in a patient can be caused by a switched off phone of a loved one

How to stop being afraid of being alone at home

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I fell ill with this nasty thing that we usually call VSD since I was 16 years old. I didn’t know what was wrong with me then and, accordingly, panic attacks began. There was no good doctor in the city. They didn't tell me anything, they just started prescribing pills. I took these pills at intervals for 4 or 5 years. While they were selecting the pills, they tried a lot of things on me. Finally they found it - I took Paxil and reset. Doctors wrote terrible diagnoses such as manic-depressive psychosis, obsessive-compulsive neurosis, etc., and no one said anything about VSD. I took all sorts of tests - everything was normal. I didn’t know what to do – I was desperate. Finally, with the help of pills, despair and all sorts of extreme attacks of stuffiness, panic and other things passed. I even entered college and began going there with my mother (the institute was correspondence). But since childhood I have been a lazy and dependent person. I was raised by my mother and grandmother (my father died when I was very little), who frightened me “don’t go there, don’t go here,” and didn’t allow me to do anything (and I didn’t insist, but rather even disowned things by any means). I sat and read books (I could read 600 pages a day), I had no friends, I always studied excellently (although studying, especially mathematics and physics, was very difficult, I had to sit until the night with scandals).

Daria, you say: “I need to either recover and learn to wait for my husband from work, or return to the city. And then I will (most likely) be put in a mental hospital.” –

Daria, you ask: “What happens that if I don’t have to break myself, then I don’t have to do household chores (dishes, cooking, cleaning), but only do what I want?” –

That is, my laziness and reluctance to clean, parasitism, the desire to live for oneself and in oneself are not a sin? And you don’t have to fight this, but on the contrary, you have to accept it?

And how to trust yourself, accept yourself, if specifically? Using specific examples. That is, I sit at the computer and write a story or chat on forums or read a book. The husband comes and demands to wash the dishes or cook food, because there is nothing to eat, and he has to go to work soon. I must, outside of any framework, tell him that I’m sick of all this, I don’t want to cook anything, I just want to read books or sit at the computer, and in general I’m having interesting communication now and people are waiting for me to answer them. And how will our relationship end then? What then is my duty towards my husband, only a correctly understood duty? What if I'm never ready to clean?

And what if I never have the desire to have a child? What should I do then? Lose your husband?

Daria, I already answered this question for you above.

About walking calmly and so on. This is exactly what I can't do. I can't walk calmly. As soon as I go somewhere far from home alone, my whole body seems to signal that there is danger ahead, unknown territory. You are here alone, you can fall, die and no one will help you. And my legs immediately become weak, my vision gets dark, I stop thinking and with great difficulty I get back to the house.

I don’t feel disabled and I don’t feel sad about it. But it probably sits somewhere in the subconscious and it is unknown how to remove it from there.

Daria, this technique is absolutely correct. Indeed, VSD is supported by conditioned reflexes, or, in other words, habits.

Christian commandments are not a set of laws, the violation of which will be followed by fair punishment. It's a request. God asks a person: “Please don’t throw yourself from the 10th floor, don’t drink acid, don’t steal, etc. , otherwise you will feel bad. You are violating the foundations of your nature. You are acting against your nature."

Everything that Christianity points out as an example to follow is a normal life, a normal person.

There is an immutable spiritual law, “the spirit creates forms for itself.” What is inside us, in our heart, is inevitably reflected on our body and our environment. If a person has a passion for drunkenness and falls ill with cirrhosis of the liver, then what does God have to do with it, who supposedly punished him? It is not God who punishes, but we punish ourselves, condemning, indulging in pride, overeating, getting drunk, having fun in a nightclub with girls, etc. , and then, when our “natural” life begins to backfire on us, we begin to blame God, “for what? I live a normal life.”

Sin is as unnatural as drug addiction. But, like a drug, like tobacco, it has become so ingrained in us that humanity has begun to consider it the norm - just as many consider tobacco to be the norm - despite the fact that in Belarus alone up to 15 thousand people die every year from smoking.

But your “reluctance to clean up” and so on. - this is, rather, not a personal sin, but a painful, sinful condition that we all inherited from our forefathers, like genetic damage. Spiritual “genes” are damaged. These manifestations will be a sin - if we have both the strength and the opportunity - but we consciously do not want to fulfill our tasks, or - if we understand that we have a disease, we know that there is a doctor and medicine - but we do not want to be treated, etc. h. We like to be sick. Just as drug addiction is a disease (addiction), but it becomes a personal sin if the addict consciously refuses rehabilitation.

It is possible that, in addition to what Irina Alexandrovna said, you really have laziness, but it seems that it is a derivative of deeper reasons. And the psychological and psychotherapeutic work that you have already begun will help “melt the underwater part of the iceberg,” and then the problems with laziness will be solved on their own.

And also - the opinion of just a person, and not as a priest - I have a feeling that you are simply not raised for life in the countryside, you are a “product” of urban civilization. And when your internal contradictions are resolved, you can quite calmly return to the city, and everything will fall into place. And others, on the contrary, are simply suffocating in the city - in every sense of the word.

Of course, we have a family we know, they are real devotees. They have 5 children, 3 cows, and don’t even have their own house. Because the husband is actually disabled and cannot work. And the wife takes care of both the children and the household, and with 2 higher educations. They simply will not survive in the city - it is impossible to provide for children there. God bless them! There is a woman whose priest husband went into seduction and left her alone with 13 children and she is raising them.

But if there are no such extremes, then you can live quite well and not difficult. For example, we planted a vegetable garden. My husband dug up a section of the field himself, and I planted a vegetable garden. And then they just watered it for a while and didn’t even weed it, in fact they didn’t take care of the garden. But the harvest is still such that there is nowhere to put it. Enough for the two of us all winter. On the contrary, I am happy to live here and I am creative, by the way, I only started doing it in the village. And it gives me pleasure to dig in the garden, tinker with animals - cats, chickens, geese, a dog, a cow. I don’t even have enough of this menagerie in the city. When we go to our parents, we take the cats with us.

And our confessor is only happy when they come to live in the village. And they come more and more often. Last year, 40 people seemed to come. We just have a school nearby, one of the best in Russia, where the cadet corps and Orthodox disciplines are studied, and morality is at the highest level - smoking, drinking and using phones, swearing at school is prohibited, Pushkin balls are held, children sew dresses, study sewing, crafts.

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How to deal with the fear of being alone at home

Therapy for autophobia can be based both on the use of antidepressants and psychostimulants, and on psychological influence. Vivid signs are removed with medication. Psychological influence helps to overcome fear itself. Experts advise patients:

1. Learn to correctly perceive your loneliness. You don't need to do anything. The main thing is to understand that being alone is natural and normal.
2. Get a pet that will make the patient needed by a cat, dog or other animal. You don't need to do anything special. Help your pet, and he will help you brighten up your loneliness.
3. Spend more time for yourself and your loved ones.

Help yourself. If it is difficult to cope with fear on your own, you can always turn to a psychologist. Autophobia, with the right therapeutic approach, can be cured in a few sessions.

Fear of being alone in the apartment. I'm afraid to be alone at home

Ejeny
I’m afraid to be in my own apartment after P.A. For several years now I have been physically experiencing attacks of fear and suffocation, 5 years ago I was at the neurosis clinic and it got better, this summer I’m not feeling well at all again, constant anxiety and P.A., the clinic didn’t help . Now I’m taking sertraline, it helps, but at home the anxiety appears again, I’m very afraid to stay at home alone because. Last paragraph. It happened at just such a moment and was very strong. I really want to feel normal and stay calmly alone at home, in the car or the subway. Help, because I know that I have come up with obstacles for myself

Evgeniya Sergeeva Psychologist

Ejeny, good evening. Please write how old are you? Who do you live, work/study with? “Several years” – how much more accurate is this? When did PA appear? I recommend that you read the article about panic attacks. The psychologist will answer the topic in a while.

Ejeny

I am 30 years old, I live with my husband and two children, 12 and 4 years old, I worked at home until this summer, then there was no such opportunity on the computer, I spent the whole summer at the dacha, with the children and my mother, and towards the end of the holidays the children, and This means that the need to go home and go to work began to appear. I went to the neurosis clinic, was discharged and immediately got a job, feeling that it was getting worse at home, a month later I had to quit because of the deterioration, I was almost not at home for two weeks and it became better with sertraline, but when I arrived home, even with my family I felt uncomfortable. Last p.a. I was at home, I was rushing around the apartment in horror and was afraid to go out the window (16th floor), now I’m afraid of a repeat, I’m afraid to be alone, constant anxiety at home, it’s better in other places. P.A. started for the first time. About 8 years ago, due to an unsuccessful marriage with a drug addict, she got divorced. Now I have a normal husband, a separate apartment, although I had to move from Moscow to Podolsk, we have been living here for the third year and everything was fine, I don’t know what happened and why I can’t recover.

Olga Anatolyevna Sakharova Gestalt therapist

Hello Have you had your adrenal glands, thyroid, or brain function checked by a doctor? If there is no organic cause for your condition, you can and should contact a psychologist or psychotherapist to carry out psychotherapeutic work, because then this is an exclusively psychological problem that causes psychosomatic reactions in you. If you have PA, I advise you to do breathing exercises. Do not avoid a situation that provokes your state of anxiety. On the contrary, stay in it. It is very important to keep a diary of observations of your emotional state. It is important for you to understand your emotions, feelings and thoughts. Then you can study the PA launch mechanism. What thought and what emotion triggers this defensive reaction. I advise you to develop PA more strongly when it captures you. Don't fight it, but rather strengthen it. Experiment. Breathe deeply and observe the condition. What happens when you relax? What if you increase your breathing and breathe frequently and actively? What happens when you increase your anxiety? Write everything down and think about it. This is the result of suppressing your feelings. You need to manifest them. This state “helps” you with this. You don't know how to deal with your feelings. The basis of any anxiety is a lack of a sense of security. You feel that something is threatening you. Although such a situation may not exist in reality. It exists in your head. Here's what's in your head that's allowing you to be anxious and worth figuring out.

Ejeny

Thanks for the answer. Physically I’m healthy, now there are improvements, but as soon as I’m at home it gets worse, how can I convince myself that my home is my fortress

Olga Anatolyevna Sakharova Gestalt therapist

You won't be able to convince yourself. You need psychotherapy. This is a long process. Instead of a basic sense of security, you have increased anxiety. She needs to be dealt with. Hello. Enough time has passed since our conversation. How are things now? Have you had any other seizures?

How to overcome the fear of being alone at home: advice from psychologists

A cozy atmosphere, light walls and bright light, when all corners remain illuminated, give a feeling of peace and security. Also, people who have experienced it advise leaving the TV or radio on to create the illusion of the presence of others.

Get a pet

Some people believe that animals, such as dogs and cats, will immediately sense danger if a stranger appears in the house. They have excellent hearing and sense of smell, thanks to which they can warn the owner. In addition, the presence of “smaller brothers” will brighten up loneliness and give a feeling of security.

Use protection methods

Precautionary measures should be taken at the first feeling of discomfort. Even if the actions make little sense, but they calm you down, you need to take them. So, some people put scissors under their pillow to protect themselves from dark forces. In England, scissors under the pillow are believed to get rid of difficult dreams. People who are far from superstitious simply check that the door locks and windows are closed at night. A feeling of security can be given by installing alarms and sensor lights.

Find something fun to do

Many people, when they are left alone at home, use their free time to engage in creativity. In general, any household activity (washing, ironing, cooking) will distract you from anxious thoughts. To relieve tension and avoid a panic attack, you can turn on dynamic music. Reading books and watching movies is also a great way to relieve fear.

There are other effective methods of dealing with panic attacks, such as meditation:

What to do if you are afraid of being alone at home?

Psychologists offer an effective method of working with panic attacks. It includes 4 steps:

1. We prevent the situation from getting worse. We take precautions: we walk around the apartment, verify the origin of extraneous sounds, etc. We carry out manipulations that help you feel safe.
2. Let's specify the fear (find out what exactly you are afraid of).
3. We work with fear outside of a frightening situation.
4. Letting go of fear during an anxiety attack.

If your loved ones are not yet aware of what is happening to you, then you need to tell them about it and ask them to always let you know if they plan to be late, to call when they are late. This will help keep your imagination from running wild if someone is unexpectedly late and will allow you to maintain your composure.

"Watching a movie" method

In order to completely overcome your phobia, you need to understand what exactly you are really afraid of. A simple technique for concretizing fear is to watch an imaginary movie. To do this, you need to sit down in a calm atmosphere, close your eyes and imagine that you are left at home alone, and your relatives are delayed. Then you need to allow yourself to watch the imaginary film to the end and see how events develop. Imagine the worst case scenario. This will be your main fear.

Sometimes people don’t process the situation to the end in their imagination, so they don’t realize what exactly scares them. They become afraid to go that far, so they avoid frightening thoughts and “hide” from them. But in order to overcome a phobia, you need to find the strength and courage to “look it in the face.” The simplest solution is to scroll through an imaginary situation to the end.

Usually, there are only two negative outcomes:

1. Something terrible will happen to relatives outside the house.
2. Something terrible will happen to you in their absence.

These situations require a different psychological approach. But there are exercises that will be useful in both cases, for example, the “Drawing of Fear” or “Helping a Friend” technique. Hypnotherapist

I'm scared to be alone in the apartment, I'm worried about the fear of choking and suffocation.

Neuroses

This information is for general information purposes only. If you experience any of the listed disorders, it is better for you to seek advice from a psychologist.

THE ESSENCE OF THE PROBLEM:

CONTENTS OF THE SERVICE QUESTIONNAIRE “Psychotherapy psychotherapist online”: Woman, 28-35 years old. Higher food education. I'm temporarily unemployed. Married, no children. My husband and I rent an apartment. I'm scared to be alone in the apartment (fear that something will happen and no one will help). I am concerned about difficulties in swallowing (fear of choking and suffocation), problems with nutrition. Depressed, anxious mood, expecting the worst. General health is normal, but there are problems with sleep (shallow, short sleep).

Autonomic disorders happen all the time. It's hard to relax. I have gastritis, pancreatitis, acalculous cholecystitis, endometriosis, mitral valve prolapse, VDS with panic attacks. She was admitted to cardiology with high blood pressure. The tests are normal, but there is slight inflammation in the kidneys, which the ultrasound did not reveal. The thyroid gland is normal. Heart rate is within normal limits. The most common concerns are depression and anxiety. I don’t know what unmotivated surges in activity are: if I feel good, then there is activity. I try to suppress emotional phenomena, I express my problems only in words. The difficulty is that I am dependent on my family, because... I can't stay alone. This creates difficulties for me. I sleep well. Towards the middle of the night, my sleep becomes light and I often wake up. The dreams are different, but not joyful. There are no duplicates. I try to sleep during the day, after that I feel better. The feeling of exhaustion only happens when you have to do physical work. Appetite is normal, but due to lack of solid food it has increased. There is no change in taste. Weight loss of more than four kg. I try not to drink alcohol. I didn’t take anything without a doctor’s prescription. I try not to take medications at all (there is no improvement). Performance is slightly reduced due to improper daily routine. Memory, perception, sociability are normal. I understand others, but they hardly understand me (not everyone has experienced this, they consider it a weakness of spirit). I don’t have any ill-wishers (or I don’t know them). I don’t have any supernatural abilities, no hallucinations either (I don’t have schizophrenia or paranoia). She never lost consciousness. There was a pre-fainting state, but it never turned into fainting. I live with my husband. Sex almost every day. I didn't notice any changes in my sex life. True, sometimes I get distracted by my condition. My loved ones are interested in when I will go to work and be independent.

In general, I am an active, kind, sociable person. Now I try not to communicate with people so that they don’t see me in this state. No one has ever complained about my behavior. Everyone was surprised at my calmness and presence of mind. I experience all my problems within myself, without spilling them out. There were no serious failures, except for one - I cannot have children. I care a lot about this and I feel like a failure. No treatment helped me, especially pills. This is not my way of treatment at all. The disease began with suffocation, palpitations, dizziness and the feeling that I was going to die. I think psychological work on my problems, hypnosis, would help me. I have several stresses. First of all, my husband doesn't get along with my mom. At first we lived at our house, but then they turned the house into hell, and my husband and I went to a private apartment. They still can’t stand each other, and I can’t do anything between them. Secondly, we moved to another city. I don’t know anyone here, I have no one to talk to. I tried to arrange the apartment, but then it began to oppress me (not my thing).

Thirdly, I just can’t get pregnant, although we put a lot of effort into this. My mother-in-law and my husband want me to give birth as soon as possible. I have gynecological problems, and a natural pregnancy is almost impossible, but IVF did not give anything. Fourthly, I was unfairly fired from my job. My boss found her own person to take my place, began to find fault with me, offered to resign, and I proudly left. I liked the work, the money and the place suited me. It's a shame! I grew up in a female environment. She lived with her mother, grandmother and older sister. My mother was at work all the time, and my grandmother raised me. I loved her very much. I didn’t go to the garden, so I wasn’t very sociable. She adored her older sister and tried to imitate her in everything. Mom communicated more with her sister, and I envied her. I didn't have many friends, but that suited me. At school I was passive, calm, and studied well. knowledge was given easily. There were no conflicts at school. In adolescence, problems began: boys did not pay attention to me. We talked, but they didn’t perceive me as a girl, they didn’t like me outwardly. Of my friends, I was the last to lose my virginity, and if it weren’t for the rape, I would never have decided to be intimate with my boyfriend (by the way, I didn’t feel shock or hatred for men after that). My first boyfriend, my great love, left me after two years. During our affair, I became pregnant. The pregnancy was difficult (toxicosis). I didn’t have a normal job or education. He couldn't marry me and support his family. His mother was against me, and then there was fetal rejection. I had an abortion. After my boyfriend left, I became depressed. Then I noticed that I was an attractive woman, men were looking at me. I started dating almost everyone. When I was about twenty-three, I decided that it was time to get married, but I couldn’t find a normal man. I was not sad, but waited patiently. She got married at thirty, for love. My husband is younger than me. I haven't had any luck with work lately. I can't find a suitable one. Over the past five years, my paternal grandparents, father, and my sister's first husband have died. It's horrible! An interval of one and a half years. Now I'm waiting to see who's next. I hardly communicate with my sister now. she considers me a failure, and tries to protect her family from communicating with me. I love my nephews very much, especially the youngest. Mom somehow still tolerates my presence, but my whining got to her. I communicate with my friends mostly on the computer, everyone has their own business, and I don’t want to burden anyone.

I had suicidal thoughts before and now. But I will never do anything to myself, because I am a coward and because I am a believer. Never made an attempt. Suicidal people are put in a mental hospital, but I have nothing to do there. I just want my illnesses to stop. And I know that they will stop, you just need to wait and find a good doctor. She took herbal tinctures, sometimes two glycine tablets, and various tranquilizers (all as prescribed by the doctor). There's no point. The most significant events in my life: 16 years old - pneumonia, the first news of the VDS (nightmare! what’s wrong with me? Am I going to die?) 18 years old - first boyfriend (joy) 18 years old - rape (surprise, why me?) 18 years old - pregnancy 23 years - death of my beloved grandmother (no one will love me like that anymore!) 26 years - first operation (fear of anesthesia, and what will happen then?) 25 years - thesis defense (I can’t eat, I’m all on my nerves) 26 years - sudden death of my father (maybe I, too, will die so early?) 27 years old - another operation (a real possibility of dying - respiratory arrest during the operation) 30 years old - got married (great! I’m just like everyone else! They love me!) External circumstances bother me a quarrel between my mother and my husband, and also the fact that I live in someone else’s apartment. I can't cope with these problems. Clinical test data: Beck Depression Test - 12 points Zung Depression Test - 58 points Sheehan Anxiety Scale - 67 points K. Leonhard's Characteristic Questionnaire 1. Hyperthymia: 15 points. 2. Excitable: 18 points. 3. Emotive: 18 points. 4. Pedantic: 10 points. 5. Anxious: 12 points. 6. Cyclothymic: 21 points. 7. Demonstrative: 12 points. 8. Unbalanced: 15 points. 9. Dysthymic: 15 points. 10. Exalted: 12 points. SPECIALIST'S ANSWER Psychologist, psychotherapist: You write that you are scared to be alone in the apartment and you are worried about difficulties in swallowing. You write that your “mood is depressed, anxious,” you expect the worst, you have “shallow, short sleep,” and autonomic disorders are constantly present. These are manifestations of anxious depression, a condition that requires professional help from a psychotherapist.

Against the background of anxiety and depression, you have panic attacks. You write that your illness began with “suffocation, palpitations, dizziness” and the feeling that you were going to die. In addition to panic attacks, against the background of anxiety and depression, there was a fear of swallowing solid food - lump in the throat syndrome. You describe this state as the fear of choking and suffocation. Lump in the throat syndrome occurs more often with hysteria, but in ten percent of cases depression can manifest itself in people who do not disclose their emotional experiences to people around them. The results of your clinical and psychological examination confirm the presence of high levels of depression and anxiety. So, your level of depression according to the Zung test is 58 points (with the norm being up to 40 points), and your level of anxiety on the Sheehan scale is 67 points (with the norm being 20 points). Typically, panic attacks occur when the Sheehan anxiety scale is 57 or higher. When the level of depression is more than 48 points according to Zung, suicidal thoughts may appear, which indicates an increase in depression and the need for its treatment. Perhaps you reacted with an anxious-depressive state not only to a series of deaths in your family, but also to the conflict situation between your spouse and mother, as well as to the change in your usual pattern of life that followed the conflict. A series of severely stressful situations has exceeded your ability to adapt, and you have responded to the high level of life demands with anxiety and depression. Now you are experiencing fear of living independently, and this fear is projected onto all aspects of your independence - staying alone in a rented apartment, going to work, going somewhere unaccompanied. Apparently, you find it difficult to cope with your fears and anxiety on your own. Due to the fact that you have not found a way to solve your difficult life situation, in recent months your depression has begun to intensify (suicidal thoughts have appeared). The presence of suicidal thoughts and a general feeling of unwillingness to live is an indication for seeking help from a psychotherapist. Fear of swallowing can be overcome with the help of revealing psychotherapy - therapy that reveals unconscious thoughts, emotions, and needs. Panic attacks that occur once or twice a month do not require treatment. Only panic disorder requires treatment - anxiety-depressive disorder with panic attacks, when the frequency of panic attacks exceeds 2-3 episodes per week. You write that you are against the use of medications. However, treatment of anxiety-depressive disorder with frequent panic attacks and fear of swallowing is usually effective when qualified psychotherapy is combined with a multi-month course of anti-anxiety antidepressants. Unfortunately, many people are afraid to seek professional help from a psychotherapist due to misconceptions about the type of help provided by this specialist. Among the most common absurd fears that prevent people from seeking help are the fear of recognizing oneself as mentally ill, the fear of ending up in a psychiatric hospital, the fear of registering with a mental health clinic, and the fear that a driver’s license will be taken away or not issued. We draw your attention to the fact that a psychotherapist in a private licensed medical clinic does not consider the person who applied to be mentally ill and does not register him with a mental health clinic. Contacting a psychotherapist is anonymous and does not in any way affect the situation with obtaining or depriving a driver’s license. A psychotherapist is obliged to maintain medical confidentiality of treatment and everything that the patient tells. Treatment by a privately practicing psychotherapist is only outpatient. The specialist provides qualified treatment for anxiety-depressive disorder using a course of antidepressants, and also offers to undergo a course of psychotherapy on a voluntary basis. Psychotherapy includes not only psychological support and confidential conversation, but special psychological techniques that allow you to overcome internal conflicts, sort out feelings, and improve relationships with others. The work of a psychotherapist helps a person acquire skills in resolving conflicts in communication, overcome the fear of independence and, ultimately, successfully adapt to a difficult life situation.