How to wean a child from hysterics at 1.5-2 years old

What would that mean?

When experiencing nightly tantrums in a child, every parent asks himself this question.

Hysteria is a special form of strong nervous irritation that leads a person to a partial or complete loss of self-control.

In children, it manifests itself in the form of loud screaming, crying, convulsive sobs, accompanied by motor excitement, rolling on the floor. Most often, a child wakes up at night with hysterics from 1 year to 5 years. The persuasion of adults does not help.

Hysteria can occur 1 to 3 times in one night, and it can last from 5 to 40 minutes.

What is hysteria and why is it dangerous?

Sleep is very important in a person's life. It has two alternating phases: slow and fast. But in a child, the fast phases take a much longer period of time. It is during REM sleep that babies have tantrums.

This condition is characterized by a complete lack of control over emotions. Baby during an attack:

• screams;
• trembles;
• cries;
• makes chaotic movements with arms and legs.

Sometimes the baby hits himself, his parents and the objects around him. He might even hurt himself.

Psychological factors

Parents want to know: why does nervous overexcitation occur that leads to hysterics? Pediatricians identify various reasons for this uncontrollable behavior. They are directly related to the age of the baby. But it is possible to identify factors common to all periods.

During daytime wakefulness, the baby learns a lot of new things. But the brain is not always able to realize how scary objects or events are.

During the rapid phase of sleep, the baby has nightmares. This is how the nervous system tries to “digest” unknown events.

Provoking factors for the development of hysteria are:

• deficit of maternal attention;
• nervous situation in the family (quarrels, screaming in the presence of the baby);
• suffered psychological trauma;
• a nervous system overloaded with events.

To prevent unpleasant nighttime situations, it is recommended to reduce the influence of provoking factors.

Physiological reasons

Pediatricians also identify physiological reasons for the development of the situation. The most common:

• complicated pregnancy;
• diseases transmitted by inheritance;
• surgery (anesthesia);
• complicated childbirth;
• severe illness of the baby;
• overloaded stomach due to a heavy dinner before bed.

One factor is enough for a baby to develop nightly tantrums.

Distract your baby with something unusual and unexpected

Surprise your little one with something fun and interesting. Play him his favorite song and start dancing yourself, or let his favorite doll suddenly “start talking.” And perhaps “accidentally” Tom Cat will start entertaining him. You can hug your baby and start quietly singing a cheerful favorite song in his ear. Do something he doesn't expect, but something he'll definitely like. This will help you switch to a new interesting object. And you will have a little respite.

Don't scold your baby for broken toys, stained overalls or torn pants. When you scold him for ruining things, he thinks that these things are more important to you than him. But that's not true, is it? Let him enjoy “soup on his head”, running through puddles, exploring the mud, because we, adults, also went through this. We realized what we can and cannot do in our experiments, and received our dose of new emotions and sensations.

Peace and happiness in a family depends on the desires and patience of each member. You choose what environment you want to live in. Love with all your heart, talk about how much you need each other, help more often with deeds and advice, do not forget to praise all family members for their small records and victories. Coziness is hard work, but it's worth it because then we can all be where we belong with our people.

Marina Poznyakova

Why does a child wake up at night and scream hysterically?

A child's hysteria at night can occur for one of the following reasons:

• The presence of a neurological diagnosis that confirms the baby’s increased fatigue.
• Excessive emotionality of the child. Sensitive children, who react subtly to events that occur during the day, are more susceptible to night tantrums.
• A large number of impressions that a child is forced to “process” in a day. If in one weekend the baby visited the cinema, the zoo and a children's party, his nervous system is in a state of extreme excitement. This excitement does not have time to “fade away” and remains overnight. In this case, the baby’s sleep is superficial and weak. At night the child is hysterical, but being in an affective state, in the morning he does not even remember about it.
• Stress that accompanies a child throughout the day. There may be many moments that a child perceives with a negative emotional connotation. This is adaptation to a new team - getting used to a kindergarten group, feeling unwell after an illness, a reaction to the departure or separation of parents.

Tendency to hysteria depending on the type of nervous system

The structure of a child's nervous system is a quality given at birth. It is the responsibility of every parent to study the characteristics of their children in order to choose the right parenting strategy and the best behavioral tactics. Proper upbringing of a child will help him in the future to become self-confident, choose the right path and be a stress-resistant, strong person.

There are several types of nervous system in children:

Weak

This type of nervous system is characterized by slow processes of excitation and inhibition in the brain. Such children are often touchy, emotional, and vulnerable. They have difficulty making contact with peers, are shy and not sociable. The self-esteem of such children is low, they react sharply to stressful situations and conflicts in the family.

A child with a weak type of nervous system can easily be enraged, but he will not show violent emotional reactions until the very end. But in a state of hysterical attack, such children completely lose control over themselves, become uncontrollable and inadequate. They do not have a good appetite, have problems sleeping, many of them sleep with their parents, as they are characterized by night tantrums.

In raising such a child, parents need to be patient, constantly praise him, hug and caress him, communicate as equals, listen and involve him in household chores.

Strong

The processes of excitation and inhibition in the brain in such children are balanced. A child with a strong type of nervous system is almost always cheerful and cheerful, easily communicates with others, and for the appearance of hysterical behavior he needs a good reason.

Conflict situations with parents and peers arise extremely rarely for such children; they sleep and eat well, willingly participate in various clubs, but often change hobbies, because having figured out something, they immediately lose interest in the old hobby. Negative aspects in the character of such children are inconstancy, frequent breaking of their promises, and difficulties in maintaining a daily routine.

Unbalanced

The processes of excitation of the nervous system of such a child in the brain prevail over the processes of inhibition, so he is hot-tempered, easily excitable and emotionally unstable. A child can be put into a state of excitement by a new toy or a bright event. Therefore, such children sleep poorly and not soundly, often wake up and cry at night.

In a circle of peers, an unbalanced child tries to take leadership and be the center of attention and events. Such kids do not know how to finish what they start. When engaged in any business, they cannot stand even the slightest criticism, they can flare up, drop everything and leave, while getting angry and showing aggression. Parents of such children can be advised to be more flexible and patient, to teach their child to complete all tasks, to be restrained and obligatory.

Slow

This type of nervous system is characterized by delayed excitation and a predominance of the inhibition process. Children with a slow type of nervous system eat and sleep well from birth, they are calm, they can be alone for a long time and not suffer from this, finding their own entertainment.

Parents of such children are often surprised by their restraint, prudence and predictability. The child is slow, brings any task he starts to completion and does not like sudden changes in the situation. He is restrained in his emotions, so it is often difficult for parents to understand his mood. Advice is to encourage the child to take active actions that develop motor and speech activity.

Children with weak and unbalanced types of nervous system are most prone to tantrums at the age of 3 years. To exclude pathologies and congenital diseases of the nervous system, parents are advised to show the baby to a pediatric neurologist.

How to deal with tantrums

In most cases, nighttime tantrums go away on their own as the baby’s nervous system strengthens. Parents are required to rid the child of provoking factors.

Normalizing a child's sleep

Getting ready for bed at night is extremely important. Before laying the crumbs it is recommended:

• ventilate the room;
• make sure that the bed linen is comfortable;
• create a temperature in the sleeping room of 19-21 degrees.

2-3 hours before going to bed, you need to avoid reading scary fairy tales, active games, communicating with unfamiliar people and watching TV. And the main condition for a baby’s normal sleep is following a daily routine.

Getting rid of the problem

The baby should know: all his fears can be killed. To do this, it is recommended to ask your child to describe the nightmare and draw a picture together. Then the baby should crumple or tear the piece of paper, and mom or dad should burn the scraps. This way the baby will understand that the frightening image no longer exists.

Parents' behavior when their child is hysterical at night

• At the first screams coming from the nursery, you should get up and go there. It is important to understand that an episode of nighttime arousal is often not recognized by the child. It may be part of a dream.
• Without losing your calm, approach your baby and hug him. Stay with him until he calms down. In this case, you need to hold him firmly, but not rudely, and calmly wait until the hysteria subsides.
• When you extinguish night tantrums in a 2-year-old child, special physical strength is not required. With older children this is more difficult, because during uncontrollable excitement they can wave their arms and legs so much that they involuntarily hit you. For this purpose, you can use a blanket or blanket. Wrap your screamer up like a baby and hold him until he stops kicking, then rock him gently. Take your baby to the toilet and send him back to bed.
• Don't make these nightly episodes something pleasant. Do not allow the rest of the night to be spent in your parents' bed. Strictly limit persuasion and conversations in general. When you start talking to your baby, you can focus your child on the attention you are giving him at such an inopportune moment. Children easily reinforce deviant behavior for the sake of the favor they receive.

How to stop an attack

Many inexperienced parents, faced with a similar situation for the first time, are interested in how to quickly stop hysterics in a child aged 3 years. The famous pediatrician Komarovsky claims that the tactics of behavior during a seizure should be as follows:

1. You cannot panic and demonstrate that the child’s hysterical behavior has greatly disturbed the parent. You need to try to remain calm and continue to do household chores, not paying attention to the screaming child. You can go to the next room, while being able to secretly observe the baby, but leaving him for a long time is not advisable, since he may be afraid that he has been abandoned. Reasoning and instructions during a hysteria are useless; the child will not understand anything, this will only aggravate the situation. Seeing that the child’s efforts to get what he wants by screaming do not bring results, he will calm down on his own.
2. It is not recommended to give up halfway; many mothers make this mistake, feeling sorry for the child and giving him what he asked for. This tactic is not only wrong, but also gives rise to new, regular relapses of hysterics in the child. Children are quite cunning and insightful creatures; they easily sense the weakness of their parents and skillfully manipulate it.
3. At the initial stage, when the child begins to scream, you can try to calmly find out the reason for his dissatisfaction, distract him with a game, a new object or an unexpected action. At other stages, these actions are usually ineffective.
4. You can try to hug the child, caress him, tell him about your love. If the child arches and does not allow himself to be hugged, there is no need to insist; it is recommended to let him go, while making sure that the baby does not injure himself.

Do not spank the butt, yell at the child or scold him for bad behavior during a tantrum. He still won’t understand anything, it will only intensify the explosion of emotions. The talking tactic will only work after the seizure ends. If a child is hysterical when entering kindergarten, and does not want to part with his mother, there is no need to hold him in your arms for a long time and say goodbye, it is recommended to leave the child with the teacher and leave quickly. This way the time of children's hysteria will be reduced.

Hysterics at night

Many parents notice that the baby began to throw tantrums at night at the age of 3 years, which were not observed before. The baby wakes up at night, screams, refuses to drink or go to the potty, and often the mother cannot even understand whether the child is sleeping or conscious while screaming.

There may be several reasons:

• excessive excitement - frequent visits to guests, lack of daytime sleep, a lot of emotions experienced during the day;
• the first weeks of visiting kindergarten - the child’s psyche is restructured, he experiences stress, which leads to nightly hysterics;
• the birth of a second child in the family - during the day, a 3-year-old baby tries to restrain his emotions, and at night wakes up crying.

To improve night sleep and prevent tantrums, you need to understand the reasons that provoke them. It would be a good idea to show your baby to a child psychologist.

What symptoms should you see a doctor for?

Night tantrums go away on their own with the development of the nervous system. The baby stops getting irritated in the middle of the night. But in some cases, doctor intervention is required:

• tantrums repeat every night for a week;
• During the day, the child’s behavior becomes whiny;
• the baby screams and loses consciousness;
• the baby cries until she has convulsions;
• The baby cries for a long time, and his hernia bulges.

First, it is recommended to consult with your local pediatrician. Then (if necessary) undergo examination by a neurologist. Based on the results, treatment is prescribed.

Prevention of night tantrums

In order to reduce episodes of agitation to zero, it is better to prevent them rather than extinguish them.

These tips will help not only when the baby screams at night, but also when the child is hysterical before bed:

• Follow your baby's daily routine. Tell your baby about his plans for the day. If a child knows the schedule of his affairs and classes, this reduces his nervous tension;
• Introduce strict restrictions on watching TV and electronic gadgets. It is better if they are not used at all two hours before bedtime;
• Instead of watching TV in the evening, read interesting books, listen to music, play calm games;
• Night tantrums in a child 3 years of age and older are significantly reduced if there is no stress in his life. This condition is provoked by poor nutrition, lack of sleep, negative emotions, and a feeling of loss of control over life;
• Vivid impressions and a large amount of entertainment during the day reliably increase the occurrence of hysterics;
• Provide your child with feasible physical activity. Non-competitive sports will be useful - swimming, gymnastics, yoga;
• During the day, give your child enough attention, talk and play with him;
• Don't demand too much from your baby. Modern children have a very stressful lifestyle, and stress is a companion to this lifestyle.

Why do babies become hysterical after and during sleep?

A baby's perception of the day is very different from how an older toddler evaluates the world. The baby cannot connect the images that he saw during the day. The baby sees scattered pictures in his sleep. And it is these images that frighten him at night. Sometimes he is scared, and in this way he tries to find protection from his parents. Often the baby did not rest enough during the day: the routine was disrupted. Or maybe he was overstimulated before bed due to bright lights, loud music or games.

Children under six months

By 4 months, the baby has become stronger physically and emotionally. He stays awake a lot during the day and receives an abundance of new information. And it remains in his memory in the form of unrelated impressions. Nightmares do not occur during this period. But even at 5 months the baby still does not have nightmares, since his memory stores broken images. Only at 6 months does the baby begin to connect daily impressions into single pictures. But during this period there are no psychological reasons for hysteria.

A nervous condition occurs due to:

• overload of the nervous system;
• stress received before bedtime;
• discomfort and lack of protection and support;
• onset or state of the disease.

This nocturnal condition is quite easily treated.

Children from 7 months to 2 years

If a 7-month-old baby does not want to fall asleep, screams and cries when going to bed, or wakes up hysterically 1.5-2 hours after falling asleep, it means that he has a negative impression of the process of getting ready for bed.

In this case, you need to calmly and firmly insist on following the established rules:

• remove toys before bedtime;
• make the bed with mom;
• take a bath;
• drink herbal tea.

By repeating the ritual every day, the baby will get used to tuning into a restful sleep, and nighttime tantrums will no longer bother him. At 9 months, emotional communication with the mother is important for the baby. A quiet lullaby and reading poems that the baby loves will help to avoid hysteria. It’s useful to just be near your baby’s crib before he falls asleep: this way the baby will feel protected

At 10 months, to prevent nightmares, it is useful to allow the baby to actively move during the day. But in no case should you forget about daytime sleep. If the baby does not rest, then night hysterics will inevitably occur. At one and a half years old, the baby can already fall asleep on her own. And the formed habits of going to bed at night are already established.

If night hysterics continue, and the child is healthy, then the causes of the condition are: family conflicts, socialization of the baby.

Tantrums in a two year old child

At 2 years old, a child is able not only to divide images into positive and negative, but also shows his own attitude towards them. Why does the baby throw a tantrum at night, sob and can’t calm down? And he simply empathizes with the hero of the fairy tale he listened to before going to bed. The hysteria began to have psychological roots.

Hysterical behavior in children aged three to six years

In children aged 3-6 years, hysterical behavior has its own characteristics. This is due to the development of the nervous system.

Sleepwalking

The cause of the condition is heredity. If one of the child’s relatives suffered from sleepwalking, then there is a risk of recurrence of the condition in the baby. Sleepwalking occurs in children over 6 years of age. By age 16, it usually goes away on its own. Sleepwalking begins 2-3 hours after going to bed. The baby can walk, dress, eat. But he is not aware of his actions. If you wake him up, he may fall. Sleepwalking is not a disease. Its causes are not related to emotional stress, fear, or fantasies. It doesn't need correction.

You just need to protect your sleepwalking baby:

• close the door with the high latch;
• provide windows with child protection;
• remove sharp objects and toys.

The condition lasts for 30 minutes. After waking up, the baby does not remember his travels around the apartment.

Alternation of sleep phases

The REM sleep phase is shallow. At this time, the brain works on images stored in memory during the day. The nervous system also works. The baby's eyes move under the eyelids, and the arms and legs may tremble. Sometimes the baby pronounces words or sounds.

In children 3-6 years old, the duration of the REM sleep phase has already decreased. Switching is faster. But it is precisely at this time that the baby is frightened by nightmares: hysterics arise.

Nightmare

The little one has already grown up enough to begin to fantasize about unpleasant images received during the day. He invents various fears for himself, and it’s up to the nervous system to turn the fear into a nightmare.

Why does a child have a 5th year crisis?

At the age of 5, a child is very strongly overcome by one desire - to be an adult. From this desire and aspiration flow all the symptoms and causes of the crisis:

• A little person can talk, fantasize, and express his feelings. Against this background, his desire to become “big” awakens, but this is not yet possible. Imitating adults, eavesdropping, spying on them - this is typical for a five-year-old child. There is a conflict between internal desires and real possibilities. The child is disappointed, and therefore angry, unbalanced, and aggressive.
• There is an active biological development of the cerebral cortex, which affects the quantity and quality of emotions. A five-year-old child learns to express and control his emotions. And until he masters this art, adults need to be more patient.
• The child begins to understand that there are gender differences between people. He feels the differences between the sexes and tries to understand himself in this context. This leads to isolation.
• A five-year-old child exhibits the ability to fantasize and form his own personal opinion about the world, life and people around him. The beginning of awareness of oneself as an individual leads to the fact that the child cannot always find an explanation for his thoughts and feelings, and therefore whims and hysterics are likely.
• The desire to communicate with the children who surround a five-year-old child awakens. Interest in peers, curiosity and thirst for learning can only aggravate the crisis, because the child does not always get what he wants.
• The baby becomes familiar with the feeling of loneliness, because often he has no one to share his feelings and emotions with.

Parents and relatives of the baby need to be patient and create comfortable living conditions for him. Don’t rush to register your child with a psychologist; try to cope with the crisis yourself - strangers will only aggravate the complexity of this difficult period.

The crisis of five years in children can begin suddenly and end in the same way. Its duration depends on the individual characteristics of the child: from several weeks to a year. The process can occur almost imperceptibly, and sometimes strong changes in the psyche and character of the child are visible

The task of parents during a crisis is to surround the baby with care, affection, attention and love.

In what cases is specialist help required?

According to the development standards of a child’s body, a child of 2 years should be able to fall asleep on his own. During this period, children are already going to kindergarten, where it is very important to follow the regime. Sleep habits are very difficult to correct. At four years old it will be difficult to accustom a child to the norm.

If parents are unable to establish a sleep schedule on their own, the baby continues to be hysterical, sleeps poorly, you need to seek advice from a neurologist. Neglected situations can lead to serious disorders of the child’s psyche.

It is recommended to maintain a sleep schedule from the first month of a baby’s life. If a two-year-old baby makes a scandal in the evening, parents need to think about their attitude towards the baby. You need to spend more time with him, walk in the fresh air, and engage the child in quiet games in the evening.

Many fathers and mothers are faced with the fact that the child cries before bed. This phenomenon is especially common in babies under one year of age. The saddest thing is that no matter how hard adults try, they cannot cope with the problem. Even rocking and humming lullabies do not help.

At this moment, parents have a question: “What is the reason for the baby’s restless sleep?” Further in the article we will reveal all the secrets of why newborns have trouble falling asleep, and also suggest ways to improve the situation.

Children's tantrums: how to extinguish them and prevent them

Authors : Kozlov N.I.

Children sometimes throw tantrums: they fall on the floor, bang their arms and legs, and destroy everything around them. Where does this come from and what to do with it?

Sometimes they say that children’s hysteria is always a reaction to an adult, a response to the fact that there is something threateningly wrong in the relationship between an adult and a child. This is not entirely true, this is some exaggeration of the role of an adult.

A child is not only a reacting creature, responding to this or that, correct or not, behavior of an adult. Thank God, children can be very active, leading their own games and policies towards adults.

Children's hysterics have many roots, and it is not only and not always a reaction to the erroneous behavior of an adult. Disobedience and hysterics are age-related symptoms, sometimes they are signals that the child is tired or ill, and most often this is a test of the child’s parental stability, a test of strength: “Is it possible, parents, not to obey you?” Typically, children start tantrums by watching other children do it, and then try the tantrum on their parents. If the parents actually allow the hysteria and reinforce it with their actions, the child begins to actively use the hysteria.

Story from a reader: “My daughter is 4 years old, she got sick, her temperature is below 40. I need to give her a pill, but she doesn’t care: she spits out the pill, screams, if we try to force the pill into her mouth, she practically vomits. We fought with her for almost three hours, but I didn’t lag behind... When we were both exhausted and she realized that I wouldn’t lag behind anyway, she suddenly instantly calmed down and clearly asked: “And if I take a pill, what will happen to me?”

How to deal with hysterics and where to find the nerve to withstand a child’s crying? The answers are simple: don't allow tantrums to begin with. Remember that hysteria is an emotion, which means it is only a signal to key people in order to convey information to them. On the other hand, tell your child how he can achieve his goal without crying or making excuses, namely, teach him to make a request.

The magic formula for this is: “When you cry and scream, I don’t understand you. Tell me calmly what you want.”

If the child was able to stop crying and asked you calmly, if possible, meet him halfway - the child’s correct actions should be rewarded. It is important that if a healthy child receives everything that he really needs, he demands less of what he simply wants.

Mom's report: “My 2-year-old daughter sits at her table and does something there. Everyone else is at a common table. Suddenly she starts yelling sharply and loudly. At first I can’t understand what she needs, she still speaks poorly. Then I make out the words: “I want to paint.” This means painting with a brush. I look at her carefully and say: “Come to me and calmly explain what you need.” He comes up without shouting, but very quietly: “I want to mow.” I answer: “Take a glass and go get some water.” I went to get some water, the issue was resolved.”

How you specifically react in any specific situation is not important at all. The immediate response can be almost anything; it is of little importance in comparison with your system of behavior, the system of your relationship with the child. If you know how to raise a child in principle, you can once allow yourself both untimely softness and unjustified harshness. Everything is not scary if your main line of upbringing is correct.

The main rule in this case is: “The adult (father and mother) is in charge.” Don't be fooled by hysterics. Control your child, don't let your child control you.

If you need to go about your business, but the child is yelling and doesn’t want to let you go, go about your business. The child will cry, maybe even scream - no one has ever died from this. This is not harmful to health, it develops the child’s lungs and makes him more resilient. If he doesn’t want to wash (get dressed, go for a walk), but he needs to wash (get dressed, go for a walk), wash him, dress him, send him for a walk, and his protests are his choice and his entertainment.

The best parent is a strong parent who uses her strength to care for her child and knows it is the right thing to do. (Watch a fragment from the film “The Miracle Worker.” It is based on the real story of the remarkable scientist Helen Keller, who in early childhood, having survived an illness, lost her hearing and sight. And also became a little tyrant. The new teacher, Annie Sullivan, decides to give her a fight Be prepared - this is a difficult story.)

Follow the Main Rule, but don’t go against yourself. If, while fulfilling the Rule, you doubt your own rightness, especially if you internally consider yourself a monster, a “disgusting mother”, a “moral monster” (option - they tell you this, and you feel some kind of truth in it), then someday You don’t have to resist. There is no need for fanaticism; exceptions are possible when you don’t have to resist and look for more flexible options.

Once upon a time you can sit with a child, if he does not let you go, it will hardly take more than 15 minutes - and then he will let you go. If he doesn’t want to wash himself (get dressed, go for a walk), don’t pester him unless absolutely necessary, no one has ever died from this. Later you’ll wash and dress, and then he’ll go for a walk. The main thing is not to strain yourself internally.

The best parent is the one who feels good inside.

The main thing is to think about the future, cultivate the right habits.

Preventing tantrums (memo for parents)

Reacting to persistent hysterics is like putting out a fire that has already flared up. The art of parents is not to skillfully defeat the child or successfully navigate out of a difficult battle, but to ensure that the battle does not arise, so that the child does not form the habit of hysteria. This is called the prevention of hysterics, the main directions here are as follows.

First, think about the reasons. What is behind today's hysteria? Just a situational, random reason - or is there something systemic here that will repeat itself? You can ignore the situational and random: relax and forget. And if it seems that we are talking about something that can be repeated, you need to think more seriously. This may be erroneous behavior, or it may be problematic. Figure it out.

Secondly, answer the question of whether you have taught your child to obey you. There are no hysterics in a child whose parents have taught him to obey his parents. Therefore, teach your child to listen and obey you, starting with the simplest and easiest things. Teach your child sequentially, from easy to difficult. The simplest algorithm:

1. Teach your child to do your tasks, starting with what he wants to do himself.
2. Teach your child to fulfill your requests, reinforcing this with joy.
3. Do your own thing without reacting to your child - in cases where you yourself are confident that you are right and know that everyone will support you.
4. Demand the minimum, but when everyone supports you.
5. Give assignments with confidence. Let the child do it when it’s not difficult for him or, even more so, when he wants to do it a little.
6. Give difficult and independent tasks. To do it, and then come and show (or report).
7. And, naturally, your example is important. Teaching a child to have order if your room and table are a mess is a very controversial experiment. You may not have the psychological skill to do this. If in your family Order lives at the level of the Icon, order is naturally respected by all adults - the child will most likely absorb the habit of order at the level of elementary imitation.

Next is the experience of parents.

Ignore the tantrum

“My chick was a year and a half old, but he was still such a bummer. I put him in a stroller, he slid down in it, so that his legs dragged along the ground, and screamed. I stopped, made him sit comfortably, but as soon as I started moving, he slid down again and screamed. One day he did this to me again, I made him sit comfortably several times, saw that this was not helping, and rolled the stroller without stopping. So we walked: I rolled the stroller with a stone face, and my son rode in it, half sitting and half lying down, with his legs dragging along the ground, and ROARING. After a couple of blocks he became silent, and then he sat more comfortably in the stroller, and there was no more such problem.”

Tatyana Rozova writes:

“If you want to scream, go to your room and scream as much as you want. If you scatter things, you can clean them up yourself later. If you don't want to leave, I'll take it. When you go out, I'll close it. Banning hysteria is difficult. But it’s easy to make it meaningless. If there is no one to yell for, then children, as a rule, don’t yell.”

I hung it upside down on my shoulder

“A simple trick helped me: if my children started yelling loudly and rowdy, I raised the child high to my shoulder, and then threw it further over my shoulder, so that he ended up with his butt up behind my back. If this did not calm him down, I slowly let him go lower and lower behind his back, holding him only by his legs. Sooner or later, the child was already holding on to me, as to the only savior, and stopped crying, because crying in this position was already uncomfortable and simply made it difficult to hold on. Well, good. Then we moved on cheerfully and calmly.

I took it under my arm

“My son is not a crybaby. Now on the hockey rink he will never show that he is in pain or offended, but as a child he had increased intracranial pressure, and as a result he was easily excitable and often shouted loudly. Almost every day the same picture was repeated: I was going home, carrying a child under my arm, he was screaming and kicking loudly. At first glance, it’s creepy and unacceptable. In fact, he couldn’t do it any other way. While walking, he suddenly began to run somewhere (to the roadway, for example), demand something impossible, sit on the ground and sit or lie, and then yell. Nothing worked. There was only one way - to take him under his arm (there was no other way, because he was bending and struggling) and carry him home. Place it on the floor (it could fall from anywhere else) and leave it alone. After some time, he calmed down; if they asked why he was crying, he said, “I don’t know.” The main thing was not to get angry - the calmer I felt and behaved, the faster it all ended. Now he is in 1st grade, he is very focused in class and works very well. What remains is emotionality - instant crying if something goes wrong (but only in front of mom or dad). Then the main thing is to react quickly, offering a way out of the situation, and say a few comforting words - his face immediately brightens.

I am sure that you cannot do such a thing - a child asks for something, you refuse him, he continues to ask, then whines, then cries, and then you agree. This will definitely make you hysterical. The child must understand that “yes” is “yes” and “no” is “no”. The basic principle of behaviorism works here: “stimulus-response-reinforcement.” By indulging in hysterics, when you eventually fulfill the child’s demand (for example, a hysteric “take him in your arms” or “buy a doll”, etc.), you reinforce this stereotype of behavior in the child - “hysteria works! This can achieve results!

Such indulgence is especially dangerous when raising girls, since women are more prone to hysterical reactions than men, and subsequently, already in adulthood, hysteria learned in childhood can completely cripple a woman’s life, making a man’s life together with her unbearable. As a result, such a woman will be doomed to either remain alone, or will change husbands/cohabitants all her life, hoping to meet a “prince” who is ready to fulfill all her hysterical demands at the first request. If you don’t want such a fate for your child, don’t be fooled by children’s tantrums, stick to your line calmly and methodically, without shouting or spanking, but insisting and getting your way.”

Go to another room

“These things helped me. First, in case of hysteria, everyone should go into another room and leave the child without spectators. As the child cries to someone, the crying soon stops. But it's not fast. If you don’t have time (today we were in a hurry to see the doctor, and she suddenly became stubborn), then you can hug my sweetheart, hold her close and not let go. She first breaks out, then starts laughing, and I start tickling her... Everything ended up fun and wonderful.”

Don't lie on the ground, you'll end up dirty!

“When my daughter was three years old, I practiced a strict rule: if she fell on the ground on purpose, we immediately completed the walk and returned home. This had to be done only three times, after which the connection between the offense and the negative consequence was learned. And by about the age of five, I already did this: if my daughter walked carelessly and got herself very dirty, I left everything as it was and sent her out for a walk in dirty overalls, noting that she now didn’t look as attractive as usual. And when she asked me to do the laundry, I would involve her in the washing: “You got your clothes dirty today, now put everything in order.” Mutual understanding was established quickly.”

Natural consequences punish visually

“Nothing is more convincing to a child than the method of natural consequences. If he starts throwing toys in a rage, great, we take a large garbage bag and put all the toys in there. “I see that you have decided to free yourself from these toys. Okay, I accept your choice! Further, depending on the situation: either you go to throw them away (it is important that the child himself sees this), or you put them away for a while. Usually, putting away your favorite toys even for an hour is already a good lesson.

Likewise, if you went to the store and the child became naughty there, you simply turned around and returned home without shopping, with nothing. There is nothing to eat. Without reproaching the child, you are distressed, and even better, when the whole family is distressed - oh, how hungry, how bad it is that you couldn’t buy anything... But everyone behaves with the child as if nothing had happened, no guilt is charged to him. In my family, once was enough.”

Allegations of cruelty

“If you gave birth to me, you must take care of me! You have no right to take my things from me! You are not a mother, you don’t love me!” “Daughter, I understand correctly that now that we have sorted things out, you would like to better understand the legal component of the relationship between parents and children, namely, what are the rights and responsibilities of the child, and what are the rights and responsibilities of the parents? I am pleased with this, I will be happy to tell you this. Are you really interested in this?”

Source

published 12/08/2018 15:49 updated 17/08/2018 — Pedagogy and psychology, Growth and development

Possible consequences

Since full sleep does not occur at night, the child’s body does not have time to rest. This affects the general condition, and subsequently unpleasant sensations may appear:

• pain in the head;
• Bad mood;
• feeling of anxiety.

But not only the baby (or older baby) feels bad, it also affects the parents. And this is not at all surprising. After all, they have to get up, calm their child, while not getting enough sleep and getting nervous.

In any case, it is important for parents to pay attention to this condition and help their child cope with it as much as possible. Prolonged hysteria can cause the following accompanying conditions:

• spasm;
• temperature increase;
• and even an epileptic attack.

Features of four-year-old children

The inner world of a 4-year-old person is already quite formed. He knows the world around him well and begins to understand the processes occurring in the environment. At the age of four, a child first realizes that life is finite. Information about death is a significant shock to the psyche. The child does not want to come to terms with the idea that he will one day be gone. Because of thoughts of death, he cries quietly into his pillow at night.

It is impossible to protect a child from information about death. One way or another he will have to experience this knowledge. You can tell your son or daughter that life is not limited to the material world. It doesn't matter whether you yourself believe in life after death. Such information will help relieve anxiety, and as the child grows up, he will figure out what’s what.

How to deal with whims?

Overcoming the whims of a small child can be difficult. This is especially obvious when the mother is in a hurry, and the baby is still busy with something and is not going to go anywhere. The child, seeing irritation, will be even more stubborn. In most cases, the conflict ends in favor of the adults, and the child, through tears and nerves, still gets ready and follows his mother. If such situations are repeated, it is time to change the rules of communication in the family and teach the child to express his emotions in a more effective and adult way - with words. The most important thing in overcoming whims is parental self-control. Don't raise your voice, this will only intensify the rebellion. Try not to be nervous so as not to show your son or daughter your helplessness. If you want to calm down faster, think about how courageous and determined your baby has become. He defends his opinion and is already arguing with an adult.

A capricious child at one, one and a half, two, and even three years old is normal, but if a five-year-old child throws tantrums, this is already a reason to visit a neurologist and child psychologist. The doctor will check the baby’s development and give recommendations on raising and interacting with him.

Advice from psychologists

There are several rules that will help you cope with such a difficult transitional age. Tips to help “unwilling” mothers deal with outbursts of stubbornness:

• Check your requirements for the baby; perhaps some requests are really too high. Maybe the baby is already able to decide which sweater to wear outside, or he really doesn’t like tomato juice.
• It is necessary to develop a clear system of prohibitions. For the first time, 4-5 strict “no’s” are enough. For example, you cannot approach street dogs or a lit stove, as well as other age-appropriate prohibitions. The rules are not violated under any pretext. These “don’ts” must be confirmed by all family members, including grandparents.

It is difficult for a child to follow parental instructions every day: to prevent the child from rebelling, offer him options: “Which toy should we take for a walk, an elephant or a car?” Ask your child for advice and he will be happy to compromise. Develop independence in children. You should not do for your child what he can do himself. Instead of dressing your child, instruct him to put on his own pants. It is better to go for a walk 15 minutes later, but let the baby dress himself. Don't react to your child's whims. The best way to overcome a tantrum is to ignore it. At home, you can leave your child in the room and do other things. Without increased attention, the baby will calm down much faster

If a tantrum catches you among people, you need to try to find a secluded place away from the annoying environment as quickly as possible, then switch the baby’s attention to something more interesting. Analyze the situation. Every outburst of stubbornness is a child’s unfulfilled need.

At such a young age, children cannot want something bad. Maybe a capricious baby simply lacks attention or communication - adults should think about this. Praise your child for behavior that you like. Praise sincerely, describing all the good things the baby has done.

Preventive measures and treatments

In the case of night tantrums, there is no treatment as such. The cause that led to the development of pathological nightmares must be treated.

If the source of their occurrence is a mental or physiological disease, specialized treatment is prescribed. If the source of nightmares is stress or daytime emotional outbursts, a consultation with a psychologist or psychiatrist is prescribed. In exceptional cases, when there is a pathological sleep disorder, medications are prescribed that reduce the rapid eye movement phase or prevent night waking.

After identifying a sleep problem, the next step is to consult a psychologist. It determines the cause of nightmares, the level of health danger and ways to combat them.

Psychological techniques that help determine the causes include various kinds of tests, drawing, role-playing games, during which the necessary information is obtained and analyzed.

A favorable psycho-emotional atmosphere in the family will help the child cope with his fears and nightmares. In addition, sports will be useful: swimming, long or high jumps, hand-to-hand combat. This has a beneficial effect on the feeling of self-confidence and the ability to defend oneself in case of danger, and will eradicate fears of the dark, water or heights.

Conversations play an important role. It is very important to convey to children that being afraid is a normal reaction of any person, since fear exists so that a person avoids dangerous situations. The child should know that there is nothing to be ashamed of, and it is important to accept your fears and learn to live with them.