Three behavioral strategies for wives who burned their husbands in infidelity

Cheating husband, and it seems that the world has collapsed. How to behave when you know for sure that this happened? And why did he do this?

Has your union, so strong just yesterday, cracked? Did you find out that the one you considered almost your property has cheated? Just the word “betrayal” makes your heart ache, hurts, and it seems like you will never forgive or forget. The pain is so strong that you are ready to cry into your pillow at night, not knowing who to take out your despair and anger on.

First of all, you need to understand the reasons for his action and try to pull yourself together, try to behave with dignity, without hysterics.

Causes

The first thing you need to find out is the reason for cheating. Betrayal does not arise out of nothing; something must prompt this action.

Look for reasons in yourself:

• Do you pay a lot of attention to your husband? Are you interested in his activities at work, the details of his next fishing trip, or get-togethers with friends?
• Do you take care of yourself to look attractive not only at work and at a party, but also at home?
• Do you have an area of ​​interest in which you realize yourself as an individual?
• Are you capable of dialogue in controversial situations? Do you listen to your husband's opinion?
• Do you feel like a real, gentle and caring woman?

If at least 2 answers are negative, try to change your attitude towards family life and yourself. In addition, look for reasons in the circumstances:

• If a man argues for betrayal with the words: “This is love, I can’t help it.” This indicates a psychological crisis in his life, when he is trying to regain youth and builds illusions about the realization of lost opportunities.
• The husband succumbed to the coquetry of a colleague or old girlfriend. Here you need to answer the question whether the betrayal was isolated, or whether another woman became a mistress. In the first case, you can understand and forgive. This requires a lot of effort, but family well-being is more expensive. In the second, weigh the pros and cons of continuing or breaking off the relationship.

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How to expose your husband for cheating: signs

1. - A man devotes a lot of time to activities in which you have no place and often even access to him by telephone. This could be work pressure, friendly get-togethers that have become much more frequent, a sudden love for sports (and “the T-shirt is dry and doesn’t smell at all”) and other changes in the usual routine;
2. — Cooling in relationships . Moreover, this applies to both the spiritual and intimate aspects of family life. Sex is becoming more and more rare, which resembles a duty, not pleasure and “without a spark.” True, in a number of cases, it happens the other way around - out of a man’s sense of subconscious guilt and the severity of the situation, marital intimate life reaches a new level of high-quality and very intense sex. But spiritual intimacy disappears, as do intimate conversations, joint plans for the future and romantic conversations after midnight;
3. — A man begins to spend a lot of time on various social networks , chats or forums. Looks for any excuse to be alone with the computer. The Internet replaces communication with his usual environment and, first of all, with you. Even if you jokingly express dissatisfaction with him or express a desire to surf the Internet yourself, an offer is received to buy you your own computer (previously perceived as an unthinkable waste of money);
4. — More and more frequent calls to mobile phones , constant signals of SMS messages. Strange reaction to calls: go into another room to talk, quickly winding down a lively conversation when you appear, carefully destroying traces - empty lists of incoming, outgoing calls and SMS messages, a set password on the phone;
5. - Irritability at the slightest provocation and an aggressive reaction that you have not noticed before. Causeless acute thoughtfulness and confusion. And an inexplicable desire to leave and slam the door on any quarrel, although such increased vulnerability was not noticed;
6. - "Women's cover" . The appearance of a female colleague with whom he is forced to go to business lunches, he can stay late at work, completing an urgent task from his superiors, and from time to time he receives phone calls at any time of the day. Of course, he can’t stand her, but he’s in no hurry to introduce you. And if well-wishers periodically report to you that they saw him with some woman, the man will certainly declare that it was she, “well, I told you!”
7. — Interest suddenly appeared in stylish, fashionable and expensive clothes and every desire to look in the best light.

However, to be honest, even the combination of all these signs may indeed be a banal coincidence and have a completely innocent explanation, for example, he began to have a midlife crisis or some other psychological problems.

Therefore, do not rush to destroy the family and pester your spouse with increased control and constant suspicions. Maybe it will be enough to just have a heart-to-heart talk? And if a person respects you and your happiness is not just words for him, then you will come to a logical explanation of the situation.

What to do

The main thing is not to do anything out of emotion or rashly. There are different situations, depending on which you can either forgive your husband or survive betrayal with your head held high.

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come to terms

Women are able to forgive any abominations on the part of their lover. But reconciling and silently enduring is not the path that leads to the restoration of harmonious relationships. This strategy will only drive you further apart.

Internal discomfort, low self-esteem and other consequences of the “silence” tactic will lead to the fact that your family ship will stumble upon new rocks of mistrust and misunderstanding until it breaks into pieces. This does not mean that the family will collapse. Often spouses formally remain married, but in fact they no longer love or trust each other.

You can come to terms with it due to material or housing circumstances, or so as not to deprive your children of a full-fledged family. But you always need to remember about yourself and be aware of what to sacrifice and what not to.

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Forgive and let go

Sometimes the husband himself admits to betrayal and asks for a divorce, effectively leaving his wife no choice. But sometimes the decision to end the relationship is made by the injured party.

It happens that love passes simultaneously for both spouses. Someone just makes the first move. But the resentment and selfishness of the abandoned party works wonders: it seems that you love no less than before, and your husband is ideal, but in the long term not yours. Understand yourself: what makes you think this way, and what your thoughts were, for example, a month before the incident.

If the reason is a sense of possessiveness and jealousy, let it go. Living with an unloved husband out of habit is a sure way to losing yourself as a woman, as an individual. If you have come to the conclusion that you have never stopped loving your soulmate, this tactic is not for you.

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Fight

If you are full of love and self-respect, you need to act actively, confidently and purposefully. But the struggle for a man should not turn into a fight: physical or psychological. You can talk to your rival, hoping for understanding, but it is unlikely that she will just let him go. Moreover, your goal should not be to return your husband, but to force him to return.

If you have analyzed the reasons for betrayal and found some of them in yourself, start changing.

• Analyze your appearance. You shouldn’t immediately make yourself a vamp; changes for the better should be harmonious, but tangible.
• Change your behavior and the way you spend your leisure time. If you don’t like standing at the stove, step over yourself and cook your spouse’s favorite dish. Often sit in front of the TV, computer, book - get ready and go for a walk in the park, cinema or theater. The main thing is that your husband knows about this and, even more importantly, sees you as beautiful. At the same time, you should not cause jealousy: tell her that you are going for a walk with a friend, or better yet, invite your spouse to go with you.
• Organize a joint vacation together or with children. Spend this time richly and excitingly. You can go out into nature, go to an amusement park or go camping.
• Turn on your feminine charm, forgetting that you have lived with a person for more than one year. Remember, once he chose you among millions of women, and these feelings cannot disappear without a trace.

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How to find out if your husband is cheating on you

Trust between partners is one of the essential conditions for a strong marriage. But we women also trust our intuition. It’s not for nothing that they say that women’s intuition is akin to men’s confidence. What to do if your husband cheats but doesn’t leave? When your “sixth sense” persistently tells you that your happy married life is over?

How to check if your husband is cheating or not? First of all, you need to think carefully and, before dumping a bunch of suspicions (quite possibly unfounded) on your husband’s head, analyze your premonitions, comparing them with real facts. From a psychological point of view, the main reasons for betrayal lie precisely in dissatisfaction with the existing rhythm of life and the desire for change. If you suspect a man of cheating, pay attention to the following signs.

How to get out of depression

Betrayal always leaves a mark on the mental state. But you need to deal with stress. There are plenty of ways to survive betrayal, you just need to want to:

• Talk to a loved one. Nervous tension will go away as soon as you speak out. It is better to do this not over the phone, but in person in a pleasant place. This way you can be distracted and feel supported, understood and cared for.
• Shopping. This process helps overcome stress. At the same time, new clothes increase self-esteem and attract the attention of men.
• Change the situation: go to visit your parents, to a resort or to the country. The main thing is to do something in a new place, and not sit within four walls.
• Do what you have long dreamed of: sign up for dancing, a music or art school, or English courses. This way you will have a new sphere of self-realization, a lot of positive emotions and pleasant acquaintances.
• Pamper yourself and make everyday life exciting: take a walk where you can drive, go to a cafe, go for a manicure or spa treatment. Love yourself!

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What wives should not do ↑

1. There is no need to talk about what happened left and right.
2. You don’t need to talk all day long with your friends and mom just about what a scoundrel he is.
3. There is no need to look for a “homewrecker” in order to scratch her face.
4. You shouldn’t put his things out of the house: the house is not only yours yet, it’s his too.
5. There is no need to look for truth in wine, sinking lower and lower in your grief.
6. Never turn children against their father. It's taboo. The children are not at all to blame for what happened.
7. And you shouldn’t run to your husband’s work and tell your boss that in their valiant team there is a monster hiding who is tormenting his own family.
8. Don't repay him in the same coin. Revenge by betrayal is a blow to your own pride and overstepping yourself. And if your husband finds out about this, then your marriage will be difficult to save.

All this is not needed. All of the above actions will only make it worse, and for everyone, not just him.

What not to do

Uncertainty, the desire to take revenge or hold on are frequent companions of such situations. Therefore, you need to think about how you should not behave:

• Ask your spouse to stay. This is the worst mistake of a self-respecting woman. You shouldn't expect a positive result; you'll only give yourself a reason to laugh at yourself.
• Meet with a rival . You can’t do this: it will only show your weakness. At best, she will feel sorry for you, at worst, she will laugh in response.
• Change in retaliation . Remember that this is your life, and getting involved with just anyone should not be in your rules.
• Complain to mutual friends . You don't want your husband to know about your weakness, so as few people as possible should know about it.
• Spy on your spouse . This way you will do more harm to yourself than to your husband: surveillance will not affect his plans, but you will get new stress.

Content

• Reality or fiction
• Three tactics
• Is this really the end

Greetings, my dear readers! Sometimes it happens that the faithful finds an adventure on the side and it becomes not entirely clear what to do about it. Today I propose to talk about how to behave if your husband cheats. We will figure out with you whether there really is a fact of betrayal or is it just your imagination, what is the best tactic to choose to communicate with your spouse and whether it is even possible to live together after betrayal.

Cheating due to dissatisfaction with sex can end in completely different ways for a family

If a man does not receive intimacy from his wife, or she does not share his desires, all that remains for him is to look for that person who will share his sexual needs with him. In the best case, a man will find himself a mistress who will simply satisfy his intimate desires, but they will not have more than sex.

The situation is much more complicated when a man finds a mistress who will satisfy not only his sexual needs, but also surpass his wife in other aspects of life. For example, they will be closer in character, interests, or emotionally, then the likelihood that the family will break up is extremely high.

Misunderstanding or non-sharing of husband's interests

Here the problem is much deeper, because a man wants to feel supported by his woman, he must clearly know and understand that there is a person waiting for him at home who is ready to listen and understand him.

If a woman not only does not want to listen to her man, but also allows herself to humiliate or ridicule his hobbies, some ideas or life problems, then you should not be surprised that the man chose to find someone on the side.

Even if your sex life is completely idyllic, this is not enough to create a strong family, attention, care, support, and the ability to listen sometimes play a vital role.

Lack of former warmth and tenderness

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Does your husband dodge your kisses, doesn’t want to touch you, and when asked to spend an evening together in an embrace, finds a thousand excuses? Something is clearly going wrong.

If you previously had excellent mutual understanding, warmth and tenderness, but now everything is completely wrong, then you should understand that the situation with the stratification of relationships has gone too far. Such a union can only be saved by a new, fresh look at each other, and the desire to restore love from both partners.

Rudeness is becoming more and more common in conversations

Undeserved insults without reason are a reason to think about relationships. It is a rare man who will simply insult his wife if she is no longer the object of his love, but is only annoying.

You can act on your husband like a red rag on a bull. Don't make things worse. Try not to provoke your spouse, and especially not to respond to rudeness with rudeness. If the situation is only getting worse every day, then it’s time to go on a joint trip to a family psychologist.

Three tactics

But what to do if betrayal has become not just a fiction, but a fait accompli? In this case, I have for you two options for the development of events and two tactics that you can use in further communication with your husband.

The first is a scandal , hysteria, broken dishes, tears and, most likely, divorce. What does a wife want to do when she finds out about her mistress? Come to him, slap him in the face, throw his things from the balcony, break his mother’s favorite set, start a real brawl, throw out all your emotions, so to speak.

This is an emotional reaction. Release of negativity. After all, there is resentment that behind your back the man you love was dating another woman. The feeling of being betrayed and deceived. All this clearly spills out in hysterics with tears and screams, accusations and insults.

This tactic is typical for more emotional natures. But it can also affect a calm woman. It's difficult to predict. After a scandal, there is an opportunity to make peace, bring your husband home and continue to live together. This alone will not solve your problem. After all, in an impulse, you simply throw out negativity without talking or hearing your partner.

It is absolutely necessary to free yourself from such feelings and emotions, but it is better to do this not on a living person, but in, say, a gym. And for the husband to express his emotions in a calmer form.

The second option is to find a solution to the problem. I understand perfectly well that you will not be able to immediately sit down with your traitorous husband at the negotiating table. Negative emotions will still wander inside. Therefore, it is necessary to wait some time before trying to establish contact.

Calm down, come to your senses and tune in to solving the problem. Only then will you be able to talk correctly, hear your husband and convey to him your arguments and complaints.

Why do men look for outside entertainment? Being constantly in everyday life is difficult and unbearable, and instead of coming to you and talking, they arrange affairs for themselves. If you understand this and don’t think that he is a malicious deceiver and traitor, then you have a chance to save the relationship.

Listen carefully to his explanation. Why did he do this, how did he come to this decision, what is missing in his family life. After that, speak up yourself, but without raising your voice or shouting. Calm and respectful.

Your task is to find a solution, understand how you should live further and what to do to correct this situation.

If you are not ready to work further, are not ready to move forward without resentment for the past, then I advise you to think carefully. For one of my clients forgave her for cheating on her husband, but continued to nag him and constantly reminded him of that very event. This is not a happy family life, this is a constant return to the past.

Here you need to either let go and move on, or say goodbye to the person and look for a new one.

I have a wonderful article in my arsenal that will tell you what to do for a happy life with your spouse after a similar story - “How to return your husband’s love after his betrayal.”

You still have a third option - pretend that nothing happened. Don't be surprised, because some wives do just that, guided by different reasons, of course. Someone is convinced that all men are cheaters and don’t see anything wrong with it, and some wives themselves are not averse to fooling around, saying that we are even, or that it is normal in our family to cheat on each other.

As long as this option is relevant and convenient for you, you can use it. But the moment of debriefing will definitely come in the end and we will have to solve it somehow.

Use unconventional methods

If you feel that you cannot overcome yourself, but want to leave your man in the family, there are unusual ways to save your marriage.

These are a variety of fortune telling, conspiracies, love spells. There are such ways to return a loved one as:

• love spell on blood
• spell for personal belongings
• love spell using a voodoo doll
• love spell from photo
• spells for water, food

Such options for returning a man can be dangerous if carried out on your own, therefore, it is best to contact a specialist who understands these issues. He will help you carry out a love spell in a safe environment, and most importantly, correctly and without harm to your health, both physical and psychological.

Now that you have read this article, you can easily identify betrayal, understand the reasons for a man’s behavior, and know how to act in the current situation. Whether to forgive betrayal or not is an individual matter, but the most important thing is that you can correct the situation and never allow betrayal in your personal life again.

Neutral solution

A woman can pretend that she knows nothing about the affair. Psychologists do not advise doing this. Sooner or later, the pain and resentment for betrayal will find a loophole and result in a serious illness or mental disorder. No emotion should be kept to yourself, especially a negative one, as psychiatrists all over the world insist on this.

To make a neutral decision in the problem of your husband’s infidelity, you need to have courage and great patience. This option can only be considered if there is a strong desire to change yourself and your life. If you think about it, cheating does not occur in happy families. This means that something is not going well in the relationship between the spouses. Of course, family problems and conflicts are not a reason to immediately run to a stranger. But men are weaker than women, which is why they cheat more often.

You can get rid of problems with your husband’s infidelity if you are closely involved with your family. Perhaps the husband will also meet his wife halfway, seeing that she is for a harmonious family.