5 signs of envious people

What is envy

A person is not able to turn off the feeling of envy. This emotion has become firmly entrenched in the human population in the process of their development, despite the fact that it is classified as destructive feelings. Envy is born at the moment of realizing that a person is deprived of a desired object or quality.

This negative feeling always starts the same way: comparing your own life with those around you. Envious people are actively interested in what others have. By comparing, they try to evaluate their own social status, opportunities and position in society.

Definition of the concept

Envy is essentially rivalry, but hidden. People have a desire to get someone else's victory. But the process itself occurs without the knowledge of the opponent.

In psychology, envy is considered both as a limitation and as a motivation for the individual. A person who is envious receives a motive to achieve some goal, the fulfillment of which must necessarily be better than that of the person being envied. At the same time, envy influences the desire to achieve someone else's goal. In essence, he is simply copying someone, losing track of his needs, which can lead to loss of identification and personal failure.

Envy can also be an emotion that occurs at a specific point in time. For example, when someone wins, envy of his victory arises, but it is short-lived and fades away over time.

The state of envy can manifest itself on 3 levels.

Consciousness. A person realizes that he occupies a low position relative to other people.
Emotional experience. There is a feeling of annoyance, irritation, aggression directed at oneself, a feeling of inferiority, unfairness of fate, and damaged pride may be observed.
Real behavior. A destructive action directed against the object of envy, blaming the envied object for creating problems.

Muzdybaev distinguishes six components of an envious state.

Social comparison. People tend to discuss failures and other people's achievements. Material successes become the subject of envy.
Perception of another person's superiority. It is observed when people who have the same inclinations achieve different results, despite the fact that they communicate closely. Accepting the superiority of the first means humiliating the second.
The emotional reaction to superiority is expressed in anxiety, grief, annoyance and humiliation.
Feeling of hatred towards someone who is better. Dislike is essentially a defense mechanism that helps mask feelings of inferiority. Characteristic attempts to find shortcomings in another person, which allows you to relieve some emotional stress.
An attempt to harm someone who has everything better.
Depriving or desiring an object from an opponent that allows him to excel over others.

There are three types of envy.

Vicious. An attempt not only to gain someone else's achievement, but also to deprive another person of it. It is more often observed when it is not possible to reach the same level.
Not malicious. A person longs to receive the same thing as the object of envy, however, he does not experience enmity.
Depressed. Develops due to a feeling of being a humiliated individual. Characterized by a feeling of doom, injustice, and uncertainty.

G.F. de la More studied envy in different historical eras and identified two main types.

Personal. Is hidden, defined as shameful. It is manifested by rejection of the person who is envied, or by an expression of open aggression towards him.
Public. It is determined by the use of created stereotypes that are distributed and transmitted in society and are part of the worldview. With their help, you can both demonstrate envy and note its presence in someone.

Black and white envy

Competition is one of the fundamental forms of progress. All people want to be successful. If competition allows you to achieve better results, that's good. We are talking about white envy. Manifestations include:

a healthy assessment of one’s own and others’ capabilities,
there is a recognition that someone has superiority, but does not make a tragedy out of it, but simply strives to be better than his current self,
does not feel discomfort after conducting a comparative analysis of someone else’s life and your own,
able to rejoice in the successes of colleagues and loved ones. Although at the same time he feels some discomfort.

White envy, in essence, is healthy competition necessary to gain experience. Therefore, a person should not be ashamed of this feeling.

Sometimes I get a feeling of envy. I get upset when someone else achieves better results, easier and faster than me. But at the same time, I don’t sit, I don’t bite my elbows, I don’t send negative vibes, I just pull myself together, make every effort and still achieve my goal, even if it is much harder for me, I feel satisfied.

Black envy destroys the essence of an individual. It is characterized by:

strong hostility, which turns into hatred for the person who is envied; in this case, even close people and friends can fall under such an attitude,
spreading false information about the object of envy, in this way a person tries to raise his own reputation,
actions that directly harm a competitor.

Should I continue communicating with an envious person?

Psychologists say that envious people are unsafe. They show arrogance and want to surpass others in any way. Communication with them does not bring joy or other positive emotions. But it is worth remembering that it is they themselves who suffer first from feelings of envy. Such people have low self-esteem.

What to do with the envy of others? It is worth remembering that negative emotions are like a powerful wall. If you focus on this feeling, then a person will definitely stumble upon a wall of envy and anger for his own life. It is important to realize that negativity and criticism cannot influence the result of work. But they have the power to distract you from achieving what you want and lead you away from the path to success.

If communication with envious people cannot be interrupted and people with negativity cannot be eliminated from your own life, try to establish adequate communication with such individuals. Try redirecting their attention to other topics or talking less about your own life. If you cannot save the situation, the best way out is to simply stop paying attention to envious people.

2Make sure it’s not worth being jealous

Envy is rarely productive or constructive. Sometimes, of course, it can motivate you to achieve your own goals, but often it only makes you doubt your own abilities even more. It is much easier to envy and discuss a person behind his back than to build your own life. Here are some reasons to stop being jealous of others:

Remember that any success is achieved through hard work, even if it seems easy from the outside.
People often talk less about their misfortunes than about their successes. Failures and misfortunes happen to absolutely everyone.
Reconsider your life - surely others could find a lot of reasons to envy you.
Remember that nothing is impossible. If you want a strong family or a promotion, you need to strive for this goal, and you will achieve it.

Sign No. 7 - comparisons in the spirit of “But mine is better...”

You share your joy that your husband finally found a job, and in response you hear a story about how her man was promoted and how high his salary is now? Are you experiencing a fountain of emotions after a vacation, and they “bring you down to earth”, describing her trip abroad in all colors? The desire to constantly compare you, while presenting yourself in a more favorable light, emphasizing that I am still better, is driven precisely by the envy of your friend.

Sign #2 – Unhealthy Competition

There is nothing reprehensible when your friends strive to be like you, developing strong-willed character traits, trying to climb the career ladder, copying the model of family relationships. The desire to imitate one’s appearance also seems quite harmless: dye your hair blonde, lose several clothing sizes, get permanent lip makeup. But the constant fierce desire of a girlfriend not only to copy, but also to surpass, emphasizing that she is more beautiful, successful, and simply “the best” in all aspects, should become an alarming “bell”, allowing you to understand that they envy you, and already not in a kind way at all.

What is the danger of an envious state

Inferiority complex. A person who watches other people's successes, other people's lives, is not able to live his own normally. This leaves a peculiar imprint on his fate, and all sorts of complexes develop.
Loneliness. It is difficult to live with a person who is constantly tormented by the fact that someone is doing well, someone is happy. However, he makes no effort to achieve the same on his own. They try to avoid such people or communicate with them as little as possible.
Risk of crime. A destructive feeling leads to aggression, anger, meanness, which often leads to antisocial behavior.

Why a boss might be jealous

Let's say, in a situation where the boss does not allow himself luxury things, and one of the employees “dared” to come in a new car, the boss may get angry.

An example of extreme tight-fistedness is Ingvar Kamprad, founder. The beloved brand has had a cult following for many years: savings. And it was introduced by none other than Ingvar. He himself drives an old car, flies only in economy class, and rents only 3* hotels. Kamprad says that this is the only way he can not only force his subordinates to save, but teach them to do so at the level of natural habits. Because staff savings have a good effect on prices for customers.

Of course, the situation may not be so categorical. But any boss can lose loyalty to an employee who owns something he doesn't.

Also, the boss may simply doubt that the employee should raise his salary. Why do this if he is already doing well and expensive things prove it?

Financially responsible employees should also be careful in this matter. The question may always arise: “Where did he get so much money?! Isn’t he getting kickbacks?”

Relationship

We constantly hear about how important it is for a woman to be fit and well-groomed. Allegedly, her success among men depends on this

Many people have personal qualities that prevent them from developing and evolving as a full-fledged individual.

In particular, many are hampered by such feelings as anger, envy, quarrelsomeness and nervousness. First of all, it is worth getting rid of envy, which gnaws at the soul and corrodes the personality.

There is a saying: “How you treat people is how they treat you.” A wise saying helps to understand the many meanings of interpersonal relationships.

In addition to general concepts, anger has very material effects on people. Not only the person gripped by this feeling suffers, but also the one who is envied.

How does hatred affect a person?

The energy field is affected, where over time a gap may appear.
There are concepts: damage and the evil eye, which arise as a result of the negative impact on the sensory and energetic level of one person on another.
People who feel envy from others may feel insecure and uncomfortable. Such feelings can lead to problems in business and personal life.
Because of a bad message to the Universe, a person destroys himself and his “rival” on a sensory level.
Arrogant people, feeling envy, feel comfortable and even inspired by the torment of others.

Scientists are trying to prove that people who feel envy age faster. This occurs as a result of emotional instability.

What are your colleagues jealous of?

Envy may also arise from colleagues. Let’s say, a fairly common situation among women is that the husband of one of the employees earns well and she talks about where they vacationed, what they bought, etc. Colleagues may begin to think that this employee goes to work out of nothing to do, and not in order to work.

A girl, an ordinary manager, got a job with us; she worked rather mediocrely. But the company immediately attracted attention because huge bouquets of roses were delivered to her weekly. Then she announced to the staff about her upcoming wedding in Bali. Of course, everyone became interested in who the husband was. They found out, discussed it - much older. In the meantime, “shoals” were accumulating on her projects, and everyone who worked with her was unhappy with her. And before the New Year she was asked to leave. True, they did not advertise it and told the public that she left on her own. Then she showed up at a corporate party (no longer working for us) and answered the questions: “Are you working now? Where?” she answered, batting her eyelashes: “No, why should I?” Some, poorly hiding it, were jealous. Others, poorly hiding, were irritated. It is not clear why she flaunts her husband’s wealth like this. Anna, manager

The conclusion from the above can be drawn as follows: just don’t provoke your colleagues and boss to envy, be careful with showing off expensive things and talking about your comfortable life outside of work.

How to overcome

Eliminate the factor that irritates you. If you have a friend or colleague who deliberately brags about his victories in order to provoke the other person into negative feelings, you need to avoid him. So, for example, a thin woman begins to ridicule her plump figure, due to which she tries to assert herself. In essence, such people are poor in spirit.
Work on yourself. There must be an understanding that each person independently creates his own destiny. There is no need to blame others for your failures and losses. If you experience a feeling of envy, you need to pull yourself together and direct all your efforts towards achieving your goals in order to receive spiritual satisfaction.
Learn to control your feelings. Do more self-analysis.
Work on your self-esteem. The main thing is to try to find a middle ground when there is normal self-esteem, and not underestimated or overestimated.
Analysis of another person's life. Realizing that success stories are not always true, sometimes it is an attempt by someone to present themselves in a better light to colleagues and friends.
Adding bright emotions to your life. Doesn't mean you have to do extreme things. Just make your life more diverse.
Meditation is a way to get rid of accumulated negativity.
Reassessment of priorities. It is important to learn to appreciate what you already have.
You need to try to realize yourself in a profession or in a family. This way you will give yourself more strength and optimism.
If you cannot overcome a negative feeling on your own, you need to seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist.

Causes

Health. A person who has a whole bunch of diseases, in particular chronic ones, will begin to envy healthy people.
Career. A person who is highly successful at work will make less successful employees feel bad.
External data. An overweight woman is jealous of a slender girl. She doesn’t think about how much effort it took to get a beautiful figure.
Well-being. People with financial problems have bad feelings towards the rich.
Luck. A person looks with envy at someone who always has luck up his sleeve.

How to deal with the negative thoughts of ill-wishers?

First rule: keep your victories and successes to yourself. This is wonderful, but only those closest to you will be able to rejoice for you, the rest will either ignore it or use it against you. Save the positive for those who will really appreciate it and help increase it. If you still suffer from the negative energy of others, some rituals, amulets and simple techniques will come to the rescue. The most affordable amulet protection. They can be the most ordinary things. For example, if you are afraid of meeting an envious person, wearing underwear inside out will help. Clothes are a pretty good amulet. You can also tie nine knots on a red ribbon and carry it with you. Red carries positivity and destroys extraneous negativity, and knots have long been used by pagan Slavs as a talisman for good luck. An aspen decoration or any object will also protect against destructive envy. The aspen tree has long been considered a weapon against the forces of evil. Some techniques are quite effective. One of them is aimed at blocking one’s energy field. It is very simple: when talking with an ill-wisher, you need to cross your arms and legs. This way you don’t release your energy and give someone else’s access. The next technique is to close the index and thumb, and press the rest into the palm. This way you will create a ring that will not allow positive energy to escape. You can also make the envious person want to leave or feel embarrassed. You need to visually send fiery crosses to the bridge of your nose. The more developed your imagination is, the faster this technique will work.

Methods for getting rid of envy

Assess the situation sensibly - not everything is as bad as it seems. But don’t look for bad things in others! Don't make yourself happy about their problems - it only helps really bad people. It won’t help you, at least not for long.

Trying to get rid of envy in this way means accepting its rules - evaluating, trying on, comparing. Envy will defeat you in this game.

Don't try to overcome envy with arguments:

“but so-and-so is fat/stupid/the guy left me”;
or “but I’m smarter/stronger/earn better/married for the third time.”

If you have to convince yourself of this, it means that these arguments are weak, and therefore cannot help. A different mindset helps get rid of envy.

Is your friend smart? Yes, smart.
Has your friend bought a house? Yes, well done. I'll be happy for my friend.
Is Pyotr Petrovich allowed to work carelessly, because dad is the general director? Well, it happens, but my dad is not a general, I achieved everything myself. Dot.

Don't be annoyed by the thought that someone is lucky. And there is no need to secretly hope that he will pay for his luck. You, too, were once lucky in some way, you just forgot about your luck, or maybe you didn’t even notice. Life has never lived up to anyone's expectations, including yours.

Everyone gets a little of what they want and much more of what fate provides. Yes, efforts, in general, help you get closer to your goal, but not always. For example, you can find ways to join a new team and make a career, but becoming a model beauty or a billionaire is not a dream for everyone.

See also: What to do if your child is nervous and disobedient

Accept these truths, it will help you get rid of envy of those who are more successful than you. Be glad that you are alive, safe, studying, working, building personal relationships.

Don’t look back at other people’s successes, then your fortune will sooner find you.

Praise those who cause envy. A beauty - for her beauty, a smart man - for his intelligence, a rich man - for being able to make a fortune. Look at everyone who is luckier than you in some way as an exciting phenomenon in life. You won't envy the clear weather or a flowering tree, will you? And if a person is so unpleasant to you that there is nothing to praise him for, then is it worth wasting your mental strength on him?
Look at other people's success as a reason to celebrate and perhaps as an example to follow.

Someone sings wonderfully, but a giant cave bear steps on your ear? Well, you can enjoy other people's singing.
Did your neighbor win the lottery? It's wonderful that such things happen in life, congratulations neighbor!
A classmate received a second degree and has grown a lot in his career? Good girl, maybe I should take those promising courses too?

If you can’t get rid of envy right away, curb it and make it work for you. Direct the power of destructive emotions into a constructive direction, then there will be fewer reasons to feel deprived or you will understand that you are no worse than others in managing your life.

Don't build your path to success on envy of others - it makes no sense in terms of personal satisfaction. Trying to achieve what another person has, you turn onto someone else’s path, and then you wonder why victories along this path bring you so little joy.

It’s just that another person’s successes and luck are not yours and are completely unsuitable for you.