Why are we afraid of responsibility in relationships?

Slava Profina 07/25/2018 no comments

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In the modern world, many people are overcome by various fears. Some are afraid of speaking in public, others feel uncomfortable interacting with the opposite sex, etc. The most common social disorder is fear of commitment. Scientifically, the fear of responsibility is called hypengiophobia. This pathology can occur in people regardless of gender and age.

Hypengiophobia fear of responsibility

Causes of the disorder

The essence of the pathology is a person’s panicky fear of taking on any kind of responsibility due to the fact that he is afraid of not being able to cope with the obligations assigned to him. In addition, a person may be frightened by consequences such as general condemnation, decreased authority, or fear of losing established interpersonal relationships. There are many reasons why the disorder may occur. The most common ones are:

  1. Childhood fears. Often, fear of responsibility arises from childhood impressions when the child is forming social experience. There are many reasons for this, for example, constant prohibitions and serious punishments from parents for the slightest mistake, excessive criticism of their decisions.
  2. The effect of social stereotypes. It is with their help that people form evaluative concepts of actions - good, bad, etc. Excessive suggestibility subconsciously forces a person to unconditionally adhere to these stereotypes, without having his own assessment of the situation.
  3. Formation of negative attitudes and prejudices. If a person once made an unsuccessful decision, as a result of which he had big troubles or negative consequences, then he will consider all future events and actions exclusively in terms of previous failures.
  4. Perfectionism, together with low self-esteem, is a person’s desire to achieve maximum results, when he believes that everything should work out for him on the first try and nothing else. In addition, comparison of one’s successes with an imaginary ideal and frustration due to the understanding that significant heights are still far away. The consequence of this tendency may be a constant feeling of fear of taking on any obligations.
  5. Excessive sensitivity to the evaluation of strangers. Fear of condemnation from the public and the appearance of an outcast position pushes a person to the fear of taking on obligations.

The disorder has dangerous consequences if left untreated. A person loses the balance of his internal state and physiological functions. He becomes inhibited, lethargic and lacking initiative. The problem cannot be neglected, because social pathology can affect the patient’s feelings, causing health problems.

This can result in serious illnesses, including:

  • stomach ulcer;
  • diseases of the cardiovascular system;
  • somatic diseases.

In addition, uncontrolled fear and internal illnesses can lead to disability and a life crisis for the patient.

Why are we afraid of responsibility in relationships?

Why are we afraid of responsibility in relationships? We very often replace responsibility with a direct demand (“You owe it!” or simply “I want!”) or an accusation (“You owe me for a long time and haven’t given it to me!”). This is usually done in cases where for some reason we cannot say directly about our requirements. For example, when we suspect that in response to a direct demand we will receive the same direct refusal. Or somewhere deep inside we are convinced that we have no right to demand and want, much less declare our desires. The moment we open our mouth to say what we want from another person, a microprogram automatically turns on in our head: “You want a lot, you get little.”

But the desire remains, and it is restlessly looking for a way to express itself. Then “responsibility” comes onto the scene, and we try to replace our personal desires with some general rule: not “I want”, but “A man in the family should” or “Each of us has a responsibility to a partner” - in the hope that this your partner will be impressed by this rule. This is very similar to the behavior of a child who, in an argument with another child, calls his mom or dad for protection and joyfully jumps behind them: “Can’t you hear what my mom is saying? She’s going to give it to you now!” As we know from the experience of playgrounds, this technique works for some: they get scared or begin to feel guilty.

That's why no one likes talking about responsibility. Nobody likes to feel guilty, ashamed and scared. Nobody likes to be manipulated—and conversations about responsibility are often (not always, but often) manipulative. Especially when the most general categories are taken - “man’s responsibility” or, for example, “mother’s responsibility”.

Why are these the most interesting facts about a person?

Why are these the most interesting facts about a person?

1. The size of a person’s heart is approximately equal to the size of his fist. The weight of an adult human heart is 220-260 g. 2. The human body contains only 4 minerals: apatite, aragonite, calcite and cristobalite. 3. The human brain generates more electrical impulses per day than all the phones in the world combined. 4. The phenomenon in which a person loses the ability to see due to strong light is called “snow blindness.” 5. The total weight of bacteria living in the human body is 2 kilograms. 6. In the human brain, 100,000 chemical reactions occur in one second. 7. Children are born without kneecaps. They appear only at the age of 2-6 years. 8. The surface area of ​​human lungs is approximately equal to the area of ​​a tennis court.

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Symptoms of a phobia

Fear of responsibility can cause health problems and psychological disorders. When people are worried about something or are afraid of something, certain symptoms appear that indicate this. If a person suffers from this disorder, he will experience the following symptoms:

  • insomnia;
  • inability to think rationally;
  • increased heart rate and pulse;
  • depression;
  • lack of composure.

These factors do not always indicate stress. Their appearance indicates serious psychological stress, which is associated with making important decisions. When a person faces his problem or is presented with a choice, he may experience a panic attack or unreasonable hysteria. At such moments, the ability to understand what is happening is turned off, and then the patient begins to blame the people around him for everything.

I'm afraid of responsibility at work, what to do. Qualities are antipodes

Responsibility is the energy that mobilizes and makes you stronger. Leadership quality is vital. Without it, people do not develop. For the development of a person as an individual, responsibility is needed, at least to oneself, the ability to recognize that the current state of affairs is the result of one’s own actions. There are 2 types of people:

  1. Those who organize their lives and actions, shaping the future.
  2. Those who blame others, becoming victims of circumstances.

If there is no goal setting in life, a person, changing biologically, remains infantile. It is characterized by an unwillingness or fear to take responsibility. This group of people always considers someone to blame for what doesn’t work out for them. He lives without thinking about anything, goes with the flow.

The antipode creates the impression of an adult personality who organizes her life and is ready to take responsibility for everything that surrounds her.

Fear of responsibility is inherently ironic. Being a mental disorder, phobia is perceived as irresponsibility. People who suffer from increased anxiety about commitments and important tasks fail only because they are afraid of doing something wrong, making mistakes.

Fear of responsibility, oddly enough, is consonant with hyper-responsibility. Inflating small obligations, fearing the future, they seem overwhelming and impossible to fulfill. Our fears prevent us from moving forward if they acquire universal proportions. One way or another, all life is connected with accepting obligations, which most often repel. But without taking responsibility, you won’t get pleasant moments. By focusing on positive, deep things, it is easier to start fighting invisible fear.

Ways to get rid of pathology

At moments when a person feels overwhelming fear, he is on the verge of a life crisis. A situation is projected in his mind that the decision he has made will lead to dire consequences and will let down many people. Hypengiophobe is very self-critical of himself and tries to avoid any situations in which uncertainty may arise.

In addition, at the slightest difficulty a person feels hopelessness and reacts very painfully to any comments addressed to him.

To prevent such situations, you must do the following:

  1. Encourage your own optimism. In the life of every person there are not only ups, but also downs. You need to learn from any experience, even negative ones. It is much easier to solve a problem if you have a positive attitude towards it.
  2. Assessing consequences from a rational point of view. A detailed analysis when evaluating any solution creates clarity of situations and gives a specific understanding of the consequences.
  3. You should not consider a mistake as a disaster, you should perceive it as an impetus for actions aimed at correcting the situation for the better.
  4. Do not hesitate to make a decision, because this can only increase psychological tension, causing stress.
  5. Any task must be completed, because if the problem remains in limbo for a long time, there are additional reasons for fear. Completeness allows you to look at the situation optimistically.
  6. Develop self-confidence and self-confidence. These qualities will help reduce anxiety as much as possible in a responsible situation.
  7. Train volitional efforts. A person must force himself to do what he fears most. This will help him create a foundation for combating the phobia of fear of responsibility.
  8. Alternate work and rest modes. This is the basis of a normal psychological state. In this mode, the brain will work more productively and rationally, the psychological state will be stable and optimistic.
  9. Pay more attention to your comfort zone. Panic and comfort can exist at the expense of each other: as the first increases, the second decreases. By enhancing positive emotions, a person is able to reduce the impact of fear.
  10. If the patient takes some responsibility for his actions as often as possible, this will allow him to create a resource for confronting the disorder.

Recommendations from psychologists

Fear of responsibility is not a biologically determined phobia, since its basis lies in the mental characteristics of a person. Recommendations from experienced psychologists will help reduce anxiety levels in critical situations:

  1. You need to get used to responsibility step by step. Any global decisions must be postponed until later or divided into several parts. You need to start with single steps and actions (walk a pet, keep order in a room or office), gradually increasing the load.
  2. Use the help of loved ones. You can reduce the degree of responsibility if you turn to family and friends for help. Their actions and recommendations will help you cope with the task together.
  3. It is necessary to identify situations because of which a person tries to avoid the slightest responsibility. Their detailed analysis will allow you to analyze fears more specifically.
  4. Motivate yourself in overcoming the disorder, because a successful and determined person looks much better than one who avoids the slightest decisions or tasks.
  5. Learn to act in any situation. The first stage in the fight against fear is the manifestation of behavioral acts. Fear will provoke inaction, which cannot be succumbed to.
  6. Cultivate self-confidence. Even if it seems that complete hopelessness has set in, you need to find a way out and believe that everything will work out.
  7. Forget about past experiences. Depression and pessimism are the basis of negative attitudes. If there is a habit of assessing everything negatively, you need to create the opposite attitude - positive approaches to situations and optimism.
  8. Use self-questioning to work through fear. It is necessary to ask yourself questions regarding the appearance of the phobia and its characteristics. In this way, you can get to the point, avoiding a black-and-white attitude to a specific situation.

Today, a fairly common disorder is the fear of taking responsibility. A person must definitely fight this pathology, otherwise it can cause serious health problems.

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