1. Conflict in interpersonal relationships -

What is conflict?

Conflict is one of the ways to resolve problems and contradictions that arise as a result of interaction between individuals or groups of people. Moreover, it is accompanied by negative emotions and behavior that goes beyond the norms accepted in society.

During a conflict, each side takes and defends an opposing position towards each other. None of the opponents wants to understand and accept the opponent’s opinion. The conflicting parties can be not only individuals, but also public groups and states.

Chapter 24. INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT SITUATIONS AND THEIR OVERCOMING
§ 24.1. MAIN TYPES OF INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS AND THEIR DEVELOPMENT
Interpersonal conflicts are situations of contradictions, disagreements, and clashes between people. They are characterized by the same features as any conflicts: the presence of contradictions that are significant for the parties; the need to resolve them in order to normalize relations between the parties and their effective interaction; actions of the parties aimed at overcoming the contradictions that have arisen, realizing their own interests, etc.

Thus, interpersonal conflict

-
this is a situation based on a contradiction perceived and experienced by the participants in the situation (or at least one of them) as a significant psychological problem that requires its resolution and causes the activity of the parties aimed at overcoming the contradiction that has arisen and resolving the situation in the interests of both or one of the parties.
Just as personal conflicts differ in what specific problems are affected by the contradiction that has arisen, the following main types of interpersonal conflicts can be distinguished.

Value conflicts –

These are conflict situations in which disagreements between participants are associated with their conflicting or incompatible ideas, which are especially significant for them. A person’s value system reflects what is most significant for him, full of personal meaning, and meaning-forming. For example, if we are talking about work, value will be what a person sees for himself as the main meaning of work (is it a source of livelihood for him, an opportunity for self-realization, etc.); the values of family relationships will be what the spouses see for themselves as the meaning of the family’s existence and what it should be like, etc. Finally, a person’s system of basic values may include his worldview, religious, moral and other ideas that are significant to him.

Differences in values, however, do not necessarily lead to conflict, and people of different beliefs, political and religious views can work together successfully and have good relationships. A conflict of values arises when these differences influence the interaction of people or they begin to “encroach” on each other’s values. Dominant values perform a regulatory function, directing the actions of people and thereby creating certain models of their behavior in interaction. If the behavior of interaction participants is based on different dominant values, they can come into conflict with each other and give rise to conflicts. Finally, people often tend to convince each other by imposing their views, tastes, points of view, etc., which can also lead to conflicts.

Conflicts of interest

– these are situations affecting the interests of the participants (their goals, plans, aspirations, motives, etc.), which turn out to be incompatible or contradictory. For example, spouses have different plans for their upcoming vacation, the boss intends to send a subordinate on a business trip who had no intention of leaving the city until the end of the month, etc. Their interests contradict each other, but perhaps they will be able to find an option their combination. Another type of conflict of interest concerns cases where they are incompatible. Such situations are often called resource conflicts, since their participants claim the same resource - a material item, finances, the same position, etc. Each party is interested in obtaining the resource it needs or a more profitable one (in terms of quantity and (or) quality) of a part of a common resource. They strive for the same thing, they have the same goals, but due to individuality or limited resources, their interests contradict each other. This type of conflict includes all conflict situations involving problems of distribution (a resource that can be divided) or arising from competition for the possession of something (a resource that is indivisible, for example, one position for which two people are applying). We constantly encounter problems of this kind in our everyday life: for example, the financial resources available to a family are a divisible resource, posing the problem of distribution of funds, and a single television is an indivisible resource, and therefore, in a dispute about which program to watch, preference You can only give it to one.

Another type of common interpersonal conflict is conflict that arises from violation of norms or rules of interaction.

The norms and rules of joint interaction are its integral part, performing the functions of regulating this interaction, without which it turns out to be impossible. They can be of an implicit (hidden, implied) nature (for example, compliance with etiquette standards, which does not have to be agreed upon; adherence to them is taken for granted) or be the result of special agreements, sometimes even written (for example, the agreed contribution of each participant to the overall labor interaction), but in any case, their violation may lead to the emergence of disagreements, mutual claims or conflicts between the participants in the interaction.

The reasons for violations of norms and rules can be of different nature. Someone may unwittingly break the rules accepted in the team simply because, as a newcomer, he does not yet know them. A conscious violation of the norms or rules of a group or family life is associated with a desire to revise them (for example, a teenager comes home later than the time indicated by his parents and has a discussion with them about the fact that he is already an adult and should not follow these rules like a child).

Distinguishing the nature of the conflict - whether it is related to people's values, their interests or the rules of interaction - is considered important, since this largely determines the nature of their resolution. As we have seen, these types of conflict differ in what aspects of interpersonal relationships or interpersonal interactions are affected by the conflict. Moreover, the same reasons can give rise to different types of conflicts. For example, such an everyday conflict situation as quarrels between a father and his daughter because she doesn’t clean up after herself, doesn’t keep her things in order, etc., can have a different nature - violations of the norms and rules of interaction (“you don’t fulfill your household responsibilities that we agreed on"), conflicting interests (“I have to sometimes meet with my colleagues at home, and I don’t want to have to clean up every time or blush for the mess in our house”) or value discrepancies (“if you If a person’s room is a mess, he will not be able to achieve order in his affairs”).

Thus, the nature of the conflict (conflict of values, or interests, or norms and rules of interaction) is determined by the nature of the problem that generates contradictions between the participants in the situation, and the reason for its occurrence is determined by the specific circumstances of their interaction.

Along with these factors of conflict (problem and cause), it is also advisable to mention
the reason for the conflict,
which is a specific event that transforms hidden difficulties into a layer of open conflict interaction. The reason is often present in situations where the conflict develops gradually, sometimes in the form of increasing hidden tension, and turns into an open clash under the influence of an event that, like the last straw, overflows the cup of patience or is deliberately used as an excuse to “attack” the partner.

In addition to these parameters, an important characteristic for describing a conflict is its severity, which manifests itself in the severity of the confrontation between the parties.

The severity of the conflict

depends on a number of factors, among which the most significant can be noted. First of all, these include the already mentioned nature of the problems affected by the conflict. Any conflict is based on problems that are significant for people, but the degree of their significance may vary. The more significant the problems affected by the conflict are for a person, the less inclined he is to make concessions and compromises.

Further, the degree of emotional involvement of a person in the conflict plays an important role. It, in turn, depends on the significance of the issues raised, but is also determined by the personal characteristics of the participants in the conflict, as well as the history of their relationships. The mood to “fight”, to “win” in a conflict confrontation may be a consequence of a person’s individual tendency to dominate, to competitive relations, to rivalry; in everyday communication, sometimes encountering similar manifestations, we call such people conflicted for their tendency to “fight.” A person’s behavior in a conflict can also be influenced by the experience of his previous relationships with the opposing participant in the conflict situation. So, if these people have repeatedly found themselves in situations of disagreement and conflicts have arisen between them before, then a new conflict situation may cause them to have a more acute emotional reaction.

Long-term accumulated tension, hostility, and unfavorable experience of previous communication between the participants in the situation can lead to the fact that conflicts, instead of a way to solve problems existing between people, actually become a means of expressing hostility, hostility, and negative emotions of the participants in the conflict. Their antagonism, the open expression of negative feelings towards each other, the emotional “blows” they inflict and receive, push into the background the problem that caused the conflict. Conflicts in which the goal of their participants is the open expression of accumulated emotions and hostility are called unrealistic. When the conflict is aimed at pursuing goals related to the subject of disagreement, it has a realistic character.

Thus, the severity of the conflict can be reduced and thereby facilitate the process of its resolution if it is possible to reduce the significance of the problems raised in the conflict (for example, by creating alternatives or compromise options), reduce or, if possible, eliminate the emotional intensity of discussing the problem and stay within the framework of a realistic approach to solve the problem, preventing the conflict from turning into an unrealistic plan.

The modern understanding of conflict rejects that unambiguously negative view of conflicts as a pathological and destructive phenomenon, which was characteristic in the past when analyzing human relations (regardless of whether we were talking about interaction in a team or about relationships in society).
Interpersonal conflict as a fact of disagreement, different positions, different interests of people in itself is neither bad nor good. Like a crisis, it contains risk, the danger of deterioration or destruction of people’s relationships, but also the opportunity to clarify them, relieve tension and come to mutual understanding. Moreover, specialists are developing ideas about the potential positive functions of conflict, which is a signal of trouble, a signal for change. The general formula for the possible positive effect of conflict can be formulated as follows: conflict leads to change, change leads to adaptation, adaptation leads to survival. In relation to the field of human relations, this means that if we perceive conflict not as a threat or danger, but as a need for changes in our interaction, then thanks to this we adapt to the new situation, circumstances, each other’s position (what required changes), and this allows us to maintain our relationship. For example, often a teenager’s conflicts with his parents are a reflection of his growing need for independence, his emerging sense of “adulthood.” If parents understand this and are aware of the need for some changes in their relationship with their son, they rearrange their requirements for him taking into account his changing capabilities, their new adaptation to each other occurs, a new level of their relationship arises, which continues to be close and good. However, transforming conflict from a threat to destroy our relationships into a factor in their renewal and preservation requires us, first of all, to behave constructively in situations of interpersonal conflicts. § 24.2.
WAYS TO RESOLUTE INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT SITUATIONS According to experts in the field of conflict resolution, the interaction strategies chosen by the participants in a conflict situation become the decisive factor in its constructive overcoming.

Behavioral strategies of participants in an interpersonal conflict situation are divided into three main categories.

Power strategies include behavioral strategies of conflict participants aimed at achieving their own interests without taking into account the interests of the partner.

Psychologically, they are described in terms of dominance, competition, rivalry. At the same time, orientation towards one’s own goals can be realized in tough behavior - assertiveness, the use of tough arguments, issuing ultimatum demands, emotional pressure on a partner, etc.; however, a participant in a conflict can also resort to “soft”, manipulative forms of influence on a partner, trying to outplay, outwit him, using persistent requests and other techniques, creating such emotional pressure on the partner that it is difficult to resist. Despite the external differences in specific behavior, these strategies are distinguished by an exclusive focus on achieving one’s own goals and ignoring the interests of the partner. Their use means the desire to win one’s point of view; their goal is to assert one’s own position, realize one’s interest, i.e., one’s own victory.

Another group of interaction strategies in conflict is formed by such forms of behavior that are based on the desire to avoid the conflict.

They may be of the nature of ignoring the problem, not recognizing the existence of a conflict, or avoiding the problem instead of solving it. For example, a mother, who finds herself helpless in the face of the impudent behavior of her teenage son, takes a position of ignoring, not recognizing the real problems of their interaction, explaining to herself his rudeness by fatigue and nervousness. Another form of avoiding conflict is compliance, a willingness to neglect and sacrifice one’s interests and goals. It can have a justified, rational character in cases where the subject of the conflict is not very significant for a person, when the chances of achieving one’s goal are small or the “price” of victory may turn out to be excessive, etc. In those cases when compliance is not justified in any way, it is regarded as as an inability to defend one’s interests, as an unconstructive approach to conflict resolution.

In contrast to those considered, the third group of strategies is regarded as the most effective way to resolve interpersonal conflicts. It brings together a variety of negotiation strategies leading to the development of solutions,

more or less satisfying the interests of both parties.

There are two fundamental models of negotiations: the model of “mutual benefits” and the model of “concessions-convergence” (“bargaining”). In the first case, it is possible to find solutions to the problem that fully satisfy the interests of both parties. This is possible in situations where the interests of the parties, although they contradict each other, are not incompatible. The second model is used in cases where the interests of the parties are incompatible and only compromise solutions are possible, obtained through concessions from the parties (which is why this type of negotiation is often illustrated using a “purchase and sale” situation, when the interests of the parties are opposite and as a result of bargaining they come to a solution acceptable to both parties). In any case, negotiation strategies for resolving conflicts are united by the fact that the interaction of participants from contradictory becomes coordinated, based on common interest (“We must solve this problem together”).

The resolution of the conflict can be considered final

only if
the participants in a conflict situation
not only find some solution to the problem that has become the subject of their disagreement, but
come to this solution as a result of agreement.
This allows us to count not only on the elimination of controversial issues dividing them, but also on the restoration and normalization of their relations and interactions that could have been disrupted as a result of the conflict. The agreement of the parties regarding one or another solution is possible only as a result of agreements between the parties, which is why negotiation strategies - regardless of whether we are talking about an official business situation or clarifying the relationship between spouses - are considered truly constructive ways of resolving interpersonal conflicts.

The modern position of specialists in the field of human relations is that conflict can be managed, and managed in such a way that we can enhance its constructive output and result and, on the contrary, reduce potential adverse consequences. The decisive factor in this case is the interest of the participants in the conflict situation in its resolution and in the preservation and continuation of their relationships. It is important, as is clear from the previous presentation, that the participants choose constructive, effective strategies of behavior. At the same time, other factors may influence how easy or difficult it is for us to find a constructive way out of the conflict.

One of these factors is the already mentioned severity of the conflict, manifested in the severity of the confrontation between the parties. The severity of the conflict, in turn, is determined by the nature of the problems affected by the conflict. Value conflicts, according to experts, are the most difficult to regulate, since the special significance of values for an individual makes concessions and compromises in situations of their collision especially difficult, therefore, in the field of value confrontations, social scientists are developing ideas for the coexistence of values. Potentially more acute ones also include resource conflicts in which the interests of their participants are incompatible. Situations with fundamentally compatible interests of the participants or with disagreements regarding the norms and rules of interaction, on the contrary, are considered less difficult to resolve.

Another important factor is the characteristics of the participants in the conflict, that is, the conflicting parties. Among them, it is worth noting the importance of the similarity of cultural models and norms for resolving controversial situations. It is known that different cultures have their own ideas about ways to resolve disagreements, about the acceptable “price” of victory, the means used, etc. The more similar the ideas of the participants in the situation are in this regard, the easier it will potentially be for them to agree and find a common language. The purely psychological characteristics of people are also important - their tendency to compromise or, on the contrary, intransigence and dominance.

The general situation against which the conflict arises and develops is also of great importance. The peculiarities of this situation can both weaken and intensify the confrontation between the parties. For example, a general positive atmosphere in the family, a tendency to resolve disagreements, an environment interested in a speedy and positive resolution of the conflict - all these are favorable factors for resolving the conflict. On the contrary, the presence of complicating factors - the general difficult situation, “third forces” interested in continuing the conflict, etc. - makes it difficult to resolve the conflict situation.

Finally, as already noted, since special importance is attached to the behavioral strategies of the parties to the conflict, their behavior skills in situations of dispute and negotiations can play an important role - the skills of argumentation and listening, developing alternatives and finding a compromise, etc.

In general, the position of specialists in relation to the resolution of interpersonal conflicts is quite optimistic: conflicts are manageable and can be successfully resolved.
Awareness of the role of negotiation strategies and skills for effective behavior in conflicts has led to increased attention to the possibility of developing and shaping these skills. § 24.3.
DEVELOPING SKILLS FOR EFFECTIVE INTERACTION IN COMPLEX SITUATIONS OF HUMAN RELATIONS Contradictions between people are inevitable, if only because of their inherent differences - in characters, life experiences, positions occupied and attitudes towards life. How conflicts end, with what result - losses, or perhaps gains - we come out of them, depends on how we perceive these situations and how we behave in them.

A typical response to conflicts is increased emotionality in their perception and assessment. Emotional experiences in conflict situations are to a large extent connected with the fact that we cannot prove that we are so obviously right, affirm our, as it often seems to us, the only correct point of view, with the feeling that we are not understood (or do not want to understand) that our opponent or even adversary is showing hostility towards us, that our relationships are deteriorating and, if this happens in the family or at work, serious complications may follow.

However, this is far from the most effective way of dealing with conflicts. A person’s maturity is largely determined by how he reacts to problems in communicating with others and how he solves them.

In the previous paragraph, we examined possible strategies of behavior of participants in conflicts and identified those that were called negotiation, as constructive and potentially leading to agreements and restoration of relations. Unfortunately, our everyday consciousness is often aimed at winning. People are determined to defend their point of view (after all, we know that we are absolutely right), getting excited and convincing each other. If our “enemy,” just like us, is absolutely confident that he is right (and this is usually the case in conflicts), then this mutual persuasion is unlikely to lead to success, but it can cause complications in the relationship. Even if we try to end a long-running dispute, the taste of disagreement can linger for a long time.

The emotional reaction of the participants in the conflict in these cases is often associated with the fact that a person perceives his own position as part of his “I”, his personality. That is why man defends it so much; he is actually defending himself. But admitting one’s own delusion or mistake in a particular case does not at all mean admitting one’s personal failure. Try not to establish a rigid connection between your “I” and your position, otherwise it will really become a matter of honor for you to defend your point of view, and we have already talked about what this leads to. It is important to help the partner in this, therefore, when negotiating, it is usually recommended that when discussing a problem and, possibly, criticizing the proposed options for its solution, in no case should you criticize the personality of the “author” of the point of view. Talk about ways out of the conflict, not about your partner’s personality.

The benefits of dialogue have been convincingly proven by special research and practical experience. The easiest way to get a partner to cooperate is by demonstrating your readiness for it. Who inspires trust? The one who was previously ready to meet halfway, who, during previous contacts, was inclined to show a readiness to understand, to take into account not only his own interests, but also the interests of his partner. If others have an idea of you as an unyielding, tough person, you should not be surprised that they, in turn, will be wary of you.

With our style of behavior, we involuntarily “set” the rules by which others will behave with us. There is a psychological law of communication, which in a simplified form says: cooperation causes cooperation, competition causes competition.

In conflict, compared to “normal” communication, we especially need to correctly understand our opponent and be correctly understood ourselves. This is only possible with a certain degree of trust and openness between people. At the same time, in a conflict situation, people rarely resort to such confidential communication. The main obstacle to this is conscious and unconscious self-protection. A person may deliberately try to keep silent about something because he believes that it can be used against him. And unconsciously, involuntarily, we “close ourselves” from our partner, trying not to show our true feelings and experiences. If we want our communication in a conflict situation to be more constructive, we must try to create an atmosphere of trust, understand the partner’s position and his feelings. Even if it seems to you that he is mistaken, you need to understand why he thinks this way.

The above corresponds to what in practical psychology is called an attitude towards cooperation. When faced with a conflict situation, it is important not to give in to the desire to defend your ideas or interests as the only justified ones, not to be afraid of complications in the relationship (if your partner feels that you are ready to give in, just not to spoil the relationship with him, he may put pressure on you and force to the concessions desired by him, and although this will resolve this situation, it may harm your future relationship), but ask the question: how can we do it together to solve this common problem for us - to take into account the interests of everyone as much as possible?

One of the popular books on negotiations gives the following example. Two people are vying for the same orange. In the end they agreed to split it in half. After that, one of them squeezed the juice out of his half of an orange and threw away the peel as unnecessary. Another, on the contrary, cleared the crust from the core he did not need, since he needed the crust to make the cake. If, instead of arguing over who should get the only orange, they had talked about their interests and tried to come to an agreement, they could have won twice as much.

A typical misconception is the idea that in conflicts someone is right and someone is wrong, someone will win and someone will lose. If so, then, of course, everyone wants to win and therefore will strive for their own victory and, accordingly, the “loss” of their partner. In fact, another statement is more reasonable: if you win, then in fact you also lost, because you lost in relation to your “outplayed” partner. And therefore, typical of the modern approach to effective behavior in conflicts is another principle - how to make sure that we both win?

Let's believe that this is possible.

Table of contents

Interpersonal conflict and its features

If the interests and goals of two or more people in a particular case diverge, and each side tries to resolve the dispute in its own favor, interpersonal conflict arises. An example of such a situation is a quarrel between husband and wife, child and parent, subordinate and boss. This type of conflict is the most common and most frequently occurring.

Interpersonal conflict can occur both between people who know each other well and constantly communicate, and between those who see each other for the first time. In this case, the relationship is clarified by the opponents face to face, through a personal dispute or discussion.

Examples of conflict typology

As N.V. Grishina notes, in everyday consciousness, examples of conflicts include a fairly wide range of phenomena - from armed conflict and confrontation between certain social groups and up to marital disagreements. It does not matter whether we are talking about a debate in parliament or a struggle of personal desires. In modern science, one can find a huge number of different classifications, but there is no clear differentiation between the concepts of “types” and “kinds” of conflicts. Examples from both groups are more often used as synonyms. Meanwhile, in our opinion, it is more expedient to highlight three main aspects in the typology of conflicts:

types of conflicts;
types of conflicts;
forms of conflicts.

The first aspect seems to be the broadest in scope. Each type may include several types of conflicts, which, in turn, can occur in one form or another.

Stages of interpersonal conflict

A conflict is not just a dispute between two participants that arises spontaneously and unexpectedly. This is a process consisting of several stages, gradually developing and gaining strength. The causes of interpersonal conflicts can sometimes accumulate for quite a long time before they result in open confrontation.

At the first stage, the conflict is hidden. At this time, conflicting interests and views are just maturing and forming. At the same time, both parties to the conflict believe that their problem can be solved through negotiations and discussions.

At the second stage of the conflict, the parties realize that it will not be possible to overcome their differences peacefully. So-called tension arises, which increases and gains power.

The third stage is characterized by the beginning of active actions: disputes, threats, insults, dissemination of negative information about the enemy, search for allies and like-minded people. At the same time, mutual hostility, hatred, and bitterness accumulate between the participants.

The fourth stage is the process of resolving interpersonal conflicts. It may end in reconciliation between the parties or a break in relations.

Concept and psychology of conflict management

Conflict - what is it? In short, this is a clash of interests, opinions and views.

As a result of the conflict, a crisis situation arises in which each participant in the conflict seeks to impose his point of view on the other side.

A conflict that is not stopped in time can lead to open confrontation, in which the subject of the dispute is relegated to the background and the ambitions of the parties come first.

As a rule, as a result of a conflict, there are no losers or winners, since all participants expend effort and ultimately do not receive positive emotions.

Internal conflicts are especially dangerous when a person is tormented by conflicting thoughts and desires that tear him apart. Protracted states of internal conflicts often end in depression and neuroses.

A modern person needs to be able to recognize a beginning conflict in time, take competent steps to prevent the conflict from growing and eliminate it at the inception stage.

If, however, the conflict cannot be extinguished immediately, it is necessary to be able to build the right line of behavior and competently exit the conflict with minimal losses.

Types of interpersonal conflicts

There are many classifications of interpersonal conflicts. They are divided according to severity, duration, scale, form of manifestation, and expected consequences. Most often, types of interpersonal conflicts differ according to the reasons for their occurrence.

The most common is a conflict of interest. It occurs when people have opposing plans, goals, and intentions. An example is the following situation: two friends cannot agree on how to spend their time. The first one wants to go to the cinema, the second one just wants to take a walk. If neither of them wants to make concessions to the other, and an agreement cannot be reached, a conflict of interest may arise.

The second type is value conflicts. They can arise in cases where participants have different moral, ideological, and religious ideas. A striking example of this type of confrontation is the conflict of generations.

Role conflicts are the third type of interpersonal confrontation. In this case, the cause is violations of habitual norms of behavior and rules. Such conflicts can occur, for example, in an organization when a new employee refuses to accept the rules established by the team.

Conflict "Teacher - student"

Such conflicts are perhaps the most frequent, because students and teachers spend hardly less time together than parents and children.
Causes of conflicts between teacher and students

lack of unity in teachers' demands
excessive demands on the student
inconstancy of teacher's demands
failure to comply with requirements by the teacher himself
the student feels underestimated
the teacher cannot come to terms with the student's shortcomings
personal qualities of a teacher or student (irritability, helplessness, rudeness)

Resolving teacher-student conflict

It is better to defuse a tense situation without leading it to conflict. To do this, you can use some psychological techniques.

The natural reaction to irritability and raising your voice is similar actions

. The consequence of a conversation in a raised voice will be an aggravation of the conflict. Therefore, the correct action on the part of the teacher would be a calm, friendly, confident tone in response to the student’s violent reaction. Soon the child will also be “infected” by the calmness of the teacher.

Dissatisfaction and irritability most often come from lagging students who do not conscientiously perform school duties. You can inspire a student to succeed in their studies and help them forget about their dissatisfaction by entrusting them with a responsible task and expressing confidence that they will complete it well.

A friendly and fair attitude towards students will be the key to a healthy atmosphere in the classroom and will make it easy to follow the proposed recommendations.

It is worth noting that during the dialogue between teacher and student, it is important to take certain things into account. It is worth preparing for it in advance so that you know what to tell your child. How to say - the component is no less important. A calm tone and absence of negative emotions is what you need to get a good result. And the commanding tone that teachers often use, reproaches and threats - it’s better to forget. You need to be able to listen and hear the child.

If punishment is necessary, it is worth thinking through it in such a way as to prevent humiliation of the student and a change in attitude towards him.

Example

A sixth grade student, Oksana, does poorly in her studies, is irritable and rude when communicating with the teacher. During one of the lessons, the girl interfered with other children’s assignments, threw pieces of paper at the children, and did not react to the teacher even after several comments addressed to her. Oksana did not react to the teacher’s request to leave the class either, remaining seated. The teacher's irritation led him to decide to stop teaching the lesson and leave the entire class after school after the bell rang. This, naturally, led to dissatisfaction with the guys.

Such a solution to the conflict led to destructive changes in the mutual understanding of the student and the teacher.

A constructive solution to the problem could look like this. After Oksana ignored the teacher’s request to stop disturbing the children, the teacher could get out of the situation by laughing it off, saying something with an ironic smile to the girl, for example: “Oksana ate a little porridge today, the range and accuracy of her throw is suffering, the last piece of paper never reached the addressee.” After this, calmly continue teaching the lesson further.

After the lesson, you could try to talk with the girl, show her your friendly attitude, understanding, desire to help. It’s a good idea to talk to the girl’s parents to find out the possible reason for this behavior. Paying more attention to the girl, entrusting her with important tasks, providing assistance in completing tasks, encouraging her actions with praise - all this would be useful in the process of bringing the conflict to a constructive outcome.

Causes of interpersonal conflicts

Among the reasons that provoke conflicts, the first place is limited resources. This could be, for example, one TV or computer for the whole family, a certain amount of money for bonuses that needs to be divided among all employees of the department. In this case, one person can achieve his goal only by infringing on another.

The second reason for the development of conflicts is interdependence. This may be a connection of tasks, authorities, responsibilities and other resources. Thus, in an organization, project participants may begin to blame each other if for some reason it was not possible to implement it.

Conflicts can be provoked by differences between people in goals, views, ideas about certain things, and manners of behavior and communication. In addition, the cause of confrontation can be a person’s personal characteristics.

Conflict prevention

correct selection and placement of personnel;
improving remuneration systems;
monitoring the compliance of rights and obligations;
creating a favorable climate;
paying attention to informal communications in the team.

Conflict Management Strategies

normative, administrative-legal or moral-legal (maximum use of norms, laws, use of court, etc.);
realistic strategy (use of force, bargaining, deception);
idealistic strategy (involves a win for all parties with a change in relationships and goals to remove the very problem that gave rise to the conflict).

Conflict resolution styles

Power (win-lose):

a clear advantage in strength and resources;
achieving the goal is of high importance;
compromise is difficult (the object is indivisible)

Avoiding conflict (lose-lose):

lack of resources;
the significance of the problem is low;
It is advisable to stall for time.

A variant of this style is maintaining the status quo (peaceful coexistence), often implemented in organizations in the form of an informal agreement.

3. Accommodation (no-win-win): - high importance of maintaining relationships 4. Compromise (no-lose-non-loss) 5. Cooperation (win-win) - search for a mutually acceptable solution based on an idealistic strategy.

Interpersonal conflicts in the organization

Almost all people spend most of their time at work. During the performance of duties, disputes and contradictions often arise between employees. Conflicts in interpersonal relationships that occur in organizations very often slow down the company’s activities and worsen the overall result.

Conflicts in organizations can occur both between employees occupying the same position and between subordinates and superiors. The reasons for the emergence of contradictions may be different. This includes shifting responsibilities to each other, and a feeling of unfair treatment from management, and the dependence of employees’ results on each other.

Conflict in an organization can be provoked not only by disagreements about work issues, but also by problems in communication and personal hostility between colleagues. Most often, confrontation can be resolved by employees themselves through negotiations. Sometimes the management of interpersonal conflicts is taken over by the head of the organization, he finds out the reasons and tries to resolve the problems that have arisen. It happens that the matter may end with the dismissal of one of the conflicting parties.

Answer to the task: examples of conflicts in the history of Russia and their resolution

Answer plan
1. An example of a religious conflict from the history of Russia

2. An example of intrapersonal conflict in the history of Russia

3. An example of a compromise resolution of a conflict in the history of Russia

4. An example of professional conflict in the history of Russia

5. Example of caste conflict in history

6. An example of cultural conflict in the history of Russia

7. An example of social conflict in the history of Russia

8. An example of an interethnic conflict, an ethnic conflict (that is, a conflict between peoples) from the history of Russia

9. An example of a local conflict in the history of Russia 9.

10. An example of economic conflict in the history of Russia

11. An example of unconstructive conflict resolution in history

12. An example of an international conflict from history

13. An example of a military conflict in the history of Russia

14. An example of a regional conflict from the history of Russia, as well as an ethnopolitical conflict

15. An example of a political conflict in the history of Russia

16. An example of interpersonal conflict in the history of Russia

17. An example of constructive conflict resolution in the history of Russia

An example of a religious conflict in the history of Russia can be considered the conflict between the followers of Leo Tolstoy (the so-called “Tolstoyites”) and the Orthodox Church. Leo Tolstoy and his followers were critical of the dominance of Orthodoxy in Rus', the dominance of rituals in it, and the mechanical, “soulless,” as he believed, attitude of the clergy to faith.

Leo Tolstoy created his teaching, in which a person did not bear the imprint of sin from birth, but should have been free and holy by right of birth.

His teaching was the result of his intrapersonal conflict (here is a historical example of such): the teaching of the church became contrary to the personal experience and ideals of Leo Tolstoy, his spiritual quest. For example, Tolstoy did not agree that every person should be in the bosom of the church and attend it, observing church rituals, so that his soul would be saved for the Lord.

Tolstoy's harsh criticism of the church led to the authorities banning some of his publications and books, and then public condemnation and excommunication (anathema) in 1901. Anathema in the popular understanding was often equated with a curse, and therefore Tolstoy received a stream of letters with threats and abuse from religious zealots.

The protracted conflict between the Tolstoyans and the Orthodox is being smoothed out today with the help of a compromise solution on both sides. In this case of conflict resolution, both parties make certain concessions to each other. For example, the Orthodox Church diplomatically announced later that it did not intend to curse Lev Nikolaevich, but simply stated that he was not a member.

An example of a professional conflict in the history of Russia is the conflict between leading biologists in the USSR in the 30s. Academician-biologist Trofim Lysenko (later all his proposals were recognized as useless and pseudoscientific) spoke out sharply against the breeder Nikolai Vavilov, playing a fatal role in his fate. Nikolai Vavilov, not without Lysenko’s participation, was arrested and shot as an enemy of the people.

Vavilov’s observations of plants ran counter to Lysenko’s ideas, and later Vavilov’s genius was clearly confirmed, while Lysenko’s fantasies (his idiotic proposals for agronomy and farming became one of the causes of famine in the early 30s, nevertheless, Lysenko followed this received several of the highest awards of the USSR government) became a disgrace in the history of science.

An example of caste conflict from history is the caste riot in India in March 2020. Mass riots and fights with the police were organized by the Jat caste of the state of Haryana. The caste demanded... her transfer to the category of lower castes, which have government benefits. With benefits, the Indian government is trying to solve the problem of discrimination against lower castes, including untouchables.

These people are often beaten, humiliated, kicked out of various public places and denied help and communication. People often believe that touching and associating with lower castes is polluting. Caste conflicts are common in modern India, while official division into castes is prohibited in the country. As you can see, another caste conflict is of a slightly different kind: now it is officially profitable to be a lower caste in India.

An example of a cultural conflict in the history of Russia and at the same time a social conflict, that is, a conflict of public interests, social groups. An example of this is the conflict between the “hipsters” of the 1960s and 1970s and the authorities of the USSR, as well as conservative society. At the core was a cultural conflict - conservatives condemned bright, unusual outfits, the relaxed and cheeky behavior of “hipsters,” and freedom of morals among young people. Also, the interests of the social groups of the authorities and conservatives were different: the former prevented the penetration of Western culture into the USSR, the latter, on the contrary, were interested in it, loved it and disseminated it in every possible way.

The persecution of “hipsters”—lovers of Western rock and pop music—began with the “jamming” of the broadcasts of Western stations. They continued with police dispersal of their gathering places, newspaper harassment, “suppression” and reprimands at the places of work and study of “hipsters,” and even expulsions from educational institutions of “unreliable” people. The reason for the persecution was the politics of the Cold War, in which the USSR and Western countries were drawn into, finding themselves on opposite sides of the barricades.

An example of a local conflict in history and at the same time an interethnic, ethnic, and at the same time an economic conflict can be seen in the recent event in Moscow. This is a mass brawl in May 2020 near the Khovanskoye cemetery in Moscow, in which several people died. About two hundred people took part in the fight; according to media reports, natives of the Caucasus and representatives of racketeering structures attacked natives of Central Asia who served the funeral business of the Khovanskoye Cemetery.

The conflict can be called local for the reason that it did not affect other cities and regions. Interethnic and international - because it involved clearly two camps of representatives of different nationalities, ethnic groups, different in culture and traditions. The conflict is economic because it has a monetary motive: according to media reports, the cause of the fight was the desire of the racketeers to “collect tribute” from Central Asians, who fought back.

This same sad and tragic story can be considered a vivid example of unconstructive conflict resolution. It was based on economic interests: each side was interested in high income. However, the Chechen side did not find a way to achieve this income without violence, and the Central Asian side did not find a way to prevent an armed attack on itself. The result was casualties and injuries.

An example of an international conflict in the history of Russia can be considered the Second World War and the attack of Hitler’s troops on the Soviet Union in 1941. The international nature of the conflict here is indicated by the violation of the borders of another state by the army of one and the participation of several states - in this case, Germany, the USSR, the USA, France and Great Britain on the side of the USSR and others. This same war can also serve as an example of a military conflict in our history.

An example of a regional conflict in the history of Russia (as well as an ethnopolitical conflict) can be considered the conflict in Chechnya, which covered the entire region of the Chechen Republic, as well as almost the entire region of the Caucasus. Although the conflict directly or indirectly affected the lives of almost every Russian (army mobilization, news reports, taxation), direct military action was concentrated in only one region of one country. The scale of the conflict is clearly not enough to call it all-Russian.

An example of a political conflict in Russian history

serves as a confrontation between the Communist Party and the movement “Our Home is Russia” in the Russian Presidential elections in 1996. At the same time, the conflict has all the signs of an interpersonal conflict. In the election battle, two personalities came together, two candidates with completely different ideas, programs for building society and the economy of Russia: communist Gennady Zyuganov and centrist Boris Yeltsin. In the same way, the country's residents are divided on the future of Russia.

This conflict is an example of constructive conflict resolution. The elections ended in Yeltsin's victory, this was officially recognized internationally, and Yeltsin entered into his second presidential term, taking up his duties. The Communist Party continued its political activities within the State Duma and other government bodies of the Russian Federation.

Interpersonal conflicts between spouses

Family life involves constantly solving all kinds of everyday problems. Very often, spouses cannot find agreement on certain issues, resulting in interpersonal conflict. An example of this: the husband returned from work too late, the wife did not have time to cook dinner, the husband scattered dirty socks around the apartment.

Material problems significantly aggravate conflicts. Many domestic quarrels could be avoided if every family had enough resources. The husband doesn’t want to help his wife wash the dishes - let’s buy a dishwasher, there is an argument over what channel we will watch - no problem, let’s get another TV. Unfortunately, not everyone can afford this.

Each family chooses its own strategy for resolving interpersonal conflicts. Some people quickly give in and seek reconciliation; others can live in a state of quarrel for a long time and not talk to each other. It is very important that discontent does not accumulate, that spouses find a compromise, and that all problems are resolved as quickly as possible.

Theories of intrapersonal conflict

There are several theories about why a person experiences a state of “constant struggle within himself.”

Let's look at the most famous ones:

The contradiction between the unconscious and the conscious. Many consider S. Freud to be the progenitor of psychoanalysis. He based intrapersonal contradiction on the discrepancy between biological needs (or desires) and the rules dictated by society.
The discrepancy between the conceptual self and the ideal self. A representative of the humanistic school, K. Rogers, believed that if the image of one’s own formed “I” does not correspond to the imaginary ideal, then this can lead to a mismatch within the individual and consequences in the form of severe mental illness.
According to Maslow's pyramid. The pyramid contains human needs from physiological to spiritual. The highest level is considered to be the realization and disclosure of a person as an individual and his talents. But not everyone can achieve this, which is why dissonance with oneself occurs.
Searching for the meaning of life and fighting for it. According to V. Frankl’s logotherapy, every person must have a meaning in life and carry out actions according to it in order to gain spiritual comfort. Those who cannot do this experience boredom, the so-called “emotional vacuum.” At the same time, he often begins to be inactive, or to commit chaotic actions, which can lead either to depression or to neuroses and other diseases.
"Leontiev's theory". According to her, a person cannot have established goals and motives throughout his life, they change, so he is in a state of dissonance with himself from time to time, and this is normal. In this case, conflict is seen as a completely normal state that leads to development and self-improvement.

Interpersonal conflicts between people of different generations

The conflict between “fathers and sons” can be viewed in a broad and narrow sense. In the first case, it occurs within an individual family, while in the second it is projected onto the entire society as a whole. This problem has existed at all times; it is not new to our century.

Generational conflict occurs due to differences in views, worldviews, norms and values between young people and older people. However, this difference does not necessarily provoke conflict. The reason for the struggle between generations is the unwillingness to understand and respect each other's interests.

The main features of interpersonal conflicts between generations are that they are much longer in nature and do not develop in certain stages. They may periodically subside and flare up again with renewed vigor in the event of a sharp infringement of the interests of the parties.

To ensure that your family is not affected by generational conflict, you must constantly show respect and patience to each other. Old people should often remember that they were once young and did not want to listen to advice, and young people should not forget that after many years they will also become elderly.

Definition of conflict. Destructive and constructive ways to resolve conflict situations

What is conflict?

Definitions of this concept can be divided into two groups. In the public consciousness, conflict is most often synonymous with hostile, negative confrontation between people due to incompatibility of interests, norms of behavior, and goals.

But there is another understanding of conflict as an absolutely natural phenomenon in the life of society, which does not necessarily lead to negative consequences. On the contrary, when choosing the right channel for its flow, it is an important component of the development of society.

Depending on the results of resolving conflict situations, they can be designated as destructive or constructive

.
The result of a destructive
collision is dissatisfaction of one or both parties with the outcome of the collision, destruction of relationships, resentment, and misunderstanding.

Constructive

is a conflict, the solution of which became useful for the parties taking part in it, if they built, acquired something valuable for themselves in it, and were satisfied with its result.

Is it possible to live your whole life without conflict with anyone?

Few people like constant swearing and quarrels. Many people would dream of living without ever having conflict with anyone. However, this is currently impossible in our society.

Starting from early childhood, a person conflicts with others. For example, the kids did not share the toys, the child does not obey the parents. In adolescence, generational conflict often comes first.

Throughout our lives, we have to periodically defend our interests and prove that we are right. At the same time, it is impossible to do without conflicts. All we can do is reduce the number of conflicts to a minimum, try not to succumb to provocations and avoid quarrels without good reason.

Types of intrapersonal conflicts and examples of them

There are several types of internal contradictions:

Motivational. A person is forced to choose between two positive things, and losses in any option cannot be avoided (for example, it is necessary to make a choice in favor of family or work, at a given period of time - these 2 components are incompatible). The dilemma between a safe comfort zone and the risks associated with obtaining new benefits (example: when moving to a new stage of development, to a new place of work, there are always advantages and risks). Another type of motivation includes tossing between two unconscious aspirations (a person cannot decide what he really wants), external and internal motives (for example, a famous businessman decides to quit his prestigious job and start painting, he does what he loves, but society does not approve of him).
Moral. The individual is torn between his desires and what he should. A classic example is a “love triangle”, when a husband or wife wants to leave the family, but cannot out of a sense of duty.
Role-playing. Often a person is unable to “play” several roles equally well. For example, a businesswoman really wants to be an ideal mother, but she physically falls short of her ideal. The conflict gets worse if not only the person blames himself, but also those around him.
Incorrect self-esteem. Consists of an imbalance between the self and the potentially unattainable self. For example, a person with mediocre mathematical abilities cannot earn recognition in the scientific world for objective reasons, and this gnaws at him greatly.
Difficult adaptation. It is difficult for a person to adapt to new conditions of life, work, and study. For example, for some people, a forced change of team due to work or study conditions causes great stress and inconvenience.
Unfulfilled aspirations. Due to objective reasons, this individual simply does not have the conditions to implement his plans, but this greatly torments him and gives him no peace. For example, a person wants to go abroad to work, but he is always denied a work visa due to a number of factors.

Rules of behavior in a conflict situation

When a conflict arises, both participants want to resolve it as quickly as possible, while achieving their goals and getting what they want. How should you behave in this situation in order to come out of it with dignity?

First, you need to learn to separate your attitude towards the person with whom you have a disagreement from the problem itself that needs to be solved. Don’t start insulting your opponent or getting personal, try to behave with restraint and calm. Give reasons for all your arguments, try to put yourself in your opponent’s place and invite him to take your place.

If you notice that you are starting to lose your temper, invite your interlocutor to take a break to calm down and cool down a little, and then continue to sort things out. To solve a problem as quickly as possible, you need to see a specific goal and focus on ways to achieve it. It is important to remember that in any conflict situation it is necessary, first of all, to maintain relations with the opponent.

Conflict personality types

Demonstrative. Wants to be the center of attention. Likes to look good in the eyes of others. His attitude towards people is determined by how they treat him. He finds it easy to deal with superficial conflicts and admires his suffering and resilience. Adapts well to different situations. Rational behavior is poorly expressed. There is emotional behavior. Planning of one’s activities is carried out situationally and poorly implemented. Avoids painstaking, systematic work. Does not shy away from conflicts, feels good in situations of conflict interaction.

Rigid. Suspicious. Has high self-esteem. Constantly requires confirmation of one's own importance. Often does not take into account changes in situation and circumstances. Straightforward and inflexible. With great difficulty he accepts the point of view of others and does not really take their opinions into account. Respect from others is taken for granted. Expressions of hostility on the part of others are perceived as an insult. Little critical of his actions. Painfully touchy, hypersensitive to imaginary or real injustices.

Ungovernable. Impulsive, lacks self-control. The behavior of such a person is difficult to predict. Behaves defiantly and aggressively. Often in the heat of the moment, he does not pay attention to generally accepted norms of communication. Characterized by a high level of aspirations. Not self-critical. He tends to blame others for many failures and troubles. Cannot competently plan his activities or consistently implement plans. The ability to correlate one’s actions with goals and circumstances is not sufficiently developed. Few lessons are learned from past experiences (even bitter ones).

Ultra-precise. He is meticulous about his work. Places higher demands on himself. He makes high demands on others, and does it in such a way that the people with whom he works seem to find fault with him. Has increased anxiety. Overly sensitive to details. Tends to attach undue importance to the comments of others. Sometimes he suddenly breaks off relations with friends and acquaintances because it seems to him that he was offended. He suffers from himself, experiences his own miscalculations, failures, and sometimes even pays for them with illnesses (insomnia, headaches, etc.).

Restrained in external, especially emotional, manifestations. Has little sense of real relationships in the group.

“Conflict-free” Unstable in assessments and opinions. Has easy suggestibility. Internally contradictory. There is some inconsistency in behavior. Focuses on immediate success in situations. Doesn't see the future well enough. Depends on the opinions of others. Excessively strives for compromise. Doesn't have enough willpower. Does not think deeply about the consequences of his actions and the reasons for the actions of others.

Ways to get out of a conflict situation

The most successful way out of a conflict situation is to find a compromise between the warring parties. In this case, the parties make a decision that suits all parties to the dispute. There are no remaining agreements or misunderstandings between the conflicting parties.

However, not in all cases it is possible to reach a compromise. Very often the outcome of a conflict is coercion. This option for resolving the conflict is most typical if one of the participants occupies a dominant position. For example, a leader forces a subordinate to do as he pleases, or a parent tells his child to do as he sees fit.

To prevent the conflict from gaining momentum, you can try to smooth it out. In this case, the person who is accused of something agrees with the reproaches and claims, and tries to explain the reason for his actions and actions. Using this method of getting out of a dispute does not mean that the essence of the conflict is understood and the mistakes are realized. It’s just that at the moment the accused does not want to enter into conflict.

Admitting your mistakes and repenting for what you have done is another way to resolve interpersonal conflict. An example of such a situation: a child regrets that he did not prepare his homework and received a bad grade, and promises his parents to continue to do his homework.

Conflict "Teacher - student's parent"

Such conflicting actions can be provoked by both the teacher and the parent. Dissatisfaction can be mutual.

Causes of conflict between teacher and parents

different ideas of the parties about the means of education
parent's dissatisfaction with teacher's teaching methods
personal animosity
parent's opinion about the unreasonable underestimation of the child's grades

Ways to resolve conflicts with student parents

How can such discontent be constructively resolved and stumbling blocks broken? When a conflict situation arises at school, it is important to sort it out calmly, realistically, and without distortion, look at things. Usually, everything happens in a different way: the conflicting person turns a blind eye to his own mistakes, while simultaneously looking for them in the opponent’s behavior.

When the situation is soberly assessed and the problem is outlined, it is easier for the teacher to find the true cause, evaluate the correctness of the actions of both parties, and outline the path to a constructive resolution of the unpleasant moment.

The next step on the path to agreement will be an open dialogue between the teacher and the parent, where the parties are equal. The analysis of the situation will help the teacher express his thoughts and ideas about the problem to the parent, show understanding, clarify the common goal, and together find a way out of the current situation.

After resolving the conflict, drawing conclusions about what was done wrong and what should have been done to prevent a tense moment from occurring will help prevent similar situations in the future.

Example

Anton is a self-confident high school student who does not have extraordinary abilities.
Relations with the guys in the class are cool, there are no school friends. At home, the boy characterizes the children in a negative way, pointing out their shortcomings, fictitious or exaggerated, shows dissatisfaction with the teachers, and notes that many teachers lower his grades.
The mother unconditionally believes her son and assents to him, which further spoils the boy’s relationship with his classmates and causes negativity towards the teachers.
The volcano of conflict explodes when a parent comes to school in anger with complaints against the teachers and school administration. No amount of persuasion or persuasion has a cooling effect on her. The conflict does not stop until the child graduates from school. It is obvious that this situation is destructive.

What could be a constructive approach to solving a pressing problem?

Using the above recommendations, we can assume that Anton’s class teacher could analyze the current situation something like this: “The mother’s conflict with the school teachers was provoked by Anton. This indicates the boy’s internal dissatisfaction with his relationships with the guys in the class. The mother added fuel to the fire without understanding the situation, increasing her son’s hostility and mistrust of the people around him at school. Which caused a response, which was expressed by the cool attitude of the guys towards Anton.”

The common goal of the parent and teacher could be the desire to unite Anton’s relationship with the class

A good result can be obtained from a dialogue between the teacher and Anton and his mother, which would show the class teacher’s desire to help the boy

. It is important that Anton himself wants to change. It’s good to talk with the kids in the class so that they reconsider their attitude towards the boy, entrust them with joint responsible work, and organize extracurricular activities that help unite the kids.

How to prevent interpersonal conflicts

Every person should always remember that it is better to prevent absolutely any dispute than to later deal with its consequences and repair damaged relationships. What is the prevention of interpersonal conflicts?

First, you need to limit your communication with potentially conflicting people as much as possible. These can be arrogant, aggressive, secretive individuals. If it is not possible to completely stop communicating with such people, try to ignore their provocations and always remain calm.

To prevent conflict situations, you need to learn to negotiate with your interlocutor, try to find an approach to any person, treat your opponent with respect and clearly formulate your positions.

Types and types of conflicts

The main types of conflicts include:

intrapersonal (intrapersonal);
interpersonal (interpersonal);
intergroup;
conflict between the individual and the group.

Thus, the emphasis in this case is on the subjects (participants) of the conflict. In turn, interpersonal, intergroup conflicts, as well as conflict between an individual and a group are examples of social conflicts. The first social conflict, along with intrapersonal and animal conflict, was identified as an independent type by the German sociologist G. Simmel. In some later concepts, intrapersonal conflict is also included in the concept of social, which, however, is a debatable point.

Among the main causes of social conflicts, it is customary to highlight limited resources, differences between people in the value and semantic context, differences in life experience and behavior, limitations of certain capabilities of the human psyche, etc.

In what situations should you not conflict?

Before entering into conflict, you need to think carefully about whether you really need it. Very often people start to sort things out in cases where it makes no sense at all.

If your interests are not directly affected, and during the dispute you will not achieve your goals, most likely there is no point in entering into an interpersonal conflict. An example of a similar situation: on a bus, the conductor starts arguing with a passenger. Even if you support the position of one of the disputants, you should not get involved in their conflict without a good reason.

If you see that your opponent’s level is radically different from yours, there is no point in entering into an argument or discussion with such people. You will never prove to a stupid person that you are right.

Before getting involved in a conflict, you need to evaluate the pros and cons, think about what consequences it could lead to, how your relationship with your opponent will change, and whether you want this, how likely it is that during the dispute you will be able to achieve your goals. You also need to pay great attention to your emotions at the moment of threat of a quarrel. It may be worth using tactics to avoid the conflict, cool down a little and think carefully about the current situation.

Conflict management methods

Organizational and structural:

clear formulation of requirements;
compliance with the principle of unity of command;
existence of coordination mechanisms;
establishing common goals;
reward system.

Interpersonal (personal):

convincing the parties to the conflict (conversations, providing psychological assistance);
the use of positive and negative sanctions;
change in the composition of the parties to the conflict;
entering the conflict as an expert.

Alternative methods of conflict resolution:

negotiation;
facilitation (ensuring the process of interaction between conflicting parties);
mediation;
arbitration modeling (invitation of an expert arbitrator).