“I have low self-esteem and no one likes me.” Low self-esteem. Causes of low self-esteem and ways to solve this problem.

You don't need to be a professional psychologist to notice that a person has low self-esteem. If you have not yet learned how to do this, use the list of 10 obvious signs and analyze the behavior of anyone you know, or better yet, yourself.

As practice has shown, it is those with low self-esteem who often turn to a psychologist for help, and want to get rid of this quality and improve their opinion of themselves.

How dangerous is low self-esteem for a person?

Here are some illustrative examples that will surely convince you of the need to get rid of your complexes and increase your self-esteem.

It prevents a person from getting maximum pleasure from life, since he always strives to please others and is afraid of looking ridiculous.
By assessing yourself inappropriately, it is impossible to be truly happy, since thoughts about shortcomings and imperfections are destructive and tend to darken life.
Inability to build equal and harmonious relationships.

Of course, a low opinion of yourself is not a death sentence or even a diagnosis requiring medical attention, but it is still better to work on improving it.

It is dangerous to underestimate a man who overestimates himself, Roosevelt

Signs of low self-esteem

Before you buy the book “How to Increase Self-Esteem and Confidence as a Woman,” you should understand whether you really have problems with self-perception.

If you find at least a few of the following points in yourself, then there is a high probability that you think worse about yourself than you really are:

You constantly think about your failures, remember awkward moments;
You often experience a feeling of self-hatred, and often feel sorry for yourself;
You blame others for your failures and try to shift responsibility onto other people's shoulders;
You often think that you cannot cope with the upcoming work;
You are constantly afraid of disappointing someone;
You react inadequately to criticism, perceiving it as proof of your inferiority;
You feel like you are unworthy of love. For the same reason, you often rush into the arms of the first person who shows sympathy for you - even if he does not correspond to your real level;
You hesitate to make decisions and put off action for long periods of time, feeling fear due to your perceived inability to make the “right” choice.

Low self-esteem is characterized by constantly remembering your failures.

Changing the angle of view

Take a piece of paper and draw two columns. Write down what you like and what others like or moments in which you were confident. In another column, describe those moments or qualities that confuse you. Re-read these lists several times. As you can see, there are two columns, but for some reason you always think about one. It's not fair, is it? Remember the positive column more often. This exercise will help you move from the global mindset of “I can’t do anything” to “I need to develop certain aspects.”

How to increase self-esteem

So, how can a woman increase her self-esteem and confidence? Apart from the above list, there are the following methods:

Engage in self-development. The more new knowledge you gain in a day, the better. Learn a foreign language, read a new book or watch a new movie, get a car license, go to business development training. In addition to the obvious benefits, you will also gain new connections and acquaintances - perhaps even enter into a relationship with a man you are interested in;

Engage in self-development

Get rid of clutter and tidy up your apartment. If necessary and if possible, do repairs, at least cosmetic ones. It has been proven that the better the home looks, the cleaner and more pleasant it is, the more confident the owner feels;
It is necessary to overcome the feeling of fear and constant danger. It is common for people with low self-esteem to be afraid – of exams, getting into relationships, sounds, images, emotions, and so on. Draw two pictures. The first is negative, in which your fear is realized - for example, being fired from your favorite job. The second is positive, blocking the first. For example, you work hard and are awarded a bonus. Now we work with these images: imagine that you move the first one away from yourself as much as possible until it turns into a small dot and disappears completely. And try to imagine the second picture as often as possible - think through everything down to your mood, feelings, the weather outside the window, the clothes you are wearing.

Need to get rid of fears

Psychology says that one of the surest ways to increase a woman’s self-esteem and self-confidence is to concentrate on your strengths, not your weaknesses. If you constantly think about excess weight, then you begin to perceive yourself exclusively as an overweight lady. But isn't it better to focus on your positive qualities? You can be a great housewife, a great mother, the best at accounting in the office, and so on - the list goes on and on.

Start treating yourself with respect

In conversations, use phrases such as “I believe” and “I think” more often: your opinion is valuable. Express your emotions openly - don't be afraid to object and don't try to hide if you don't like something. You have the right to disagree or think completely differently than your interlocutor. Agree with praise, accept compliments - you deserve it.
Come to terms with the mistakes of the past. And with the fact that you still have a lot of mistakes to make. This is natural for any person. We need defeats in order to understand where to move next. Take your mistakes as indications of new directions for development - this is a great path to self-improvement.

Come to terms with past mistakes

Remove “toxic” people from your environment who constantly baselessly criticize you, insult you, and devalue your interests and problems. Truly close people should help improve self-esteem and stabilize it, rather than constant fluctuations or, even worse, decline.

Exercises to improve self-esteem

There are many videos on the Internet on how to use psychology and special exercises to increase a woman’s self-esteem and self-confidence. We attach two such videos to this article.

An ordinary mirror will help you raise your self-esteem

Additional list of useful exercises:

“On the contrary”: imagine a situation that causes you fear and anxiety. Write down on a piece of paper the options for what you could do if this situation became real. If you have difficulties, ask your loved ones for help. When you see an impressive list, it will be easier for you to believe in your own abilities;
"Mirror". Sit comfortably, relax, close your eyes and start breathing deeply. Gradually let go of negative thoughts. Imagine yourself in front of a mirror and examine yourself in every detail. Believe that you are incredibly beautiful and successful. Look at yourself in an imaginary mirror for as long as it takes to believe in your own strength, while constantly complimenting yourself. Then open your eyes, stand up and go to a real mirror. Repeat all the pleasant words you said earlier, looking into your eyes;
"Self-presentation". Imagine that you need to tell about yourself in the most favorable light, but without empty embellishments. Take a piece of paper and write a speech, believing that you will have to read it to your future employers, for example. In the text, focus on your positive qualities and skills. Give as many examples as possible to support your words - remember all your good deeds. When you finish, re-read this speech - and return to it every day, and in difficult times - several times a day.

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So, there are many simple ways to increase self-esteem. It is much more difficult to identify the reasons why self-confidence may remain low. However, with hard work, you will definitely be able to change your quality of life for the better.

Self-esteem depends on brain function

You can endlessly watch videos with titles like “how to increase a woman’s self-esteem and self-confidence,” but it is more important to understand how our body works. Few people know that self-esteem is determined by the functioning of the brain.

When the limbic system is moderately active, we feel good

The limbic system is an interconnected structure of the brain that is responsible for our emotions, memory, sleep, wakefulness, as well as a number of functions of internal organs.

When the limbic system is moderately active, we feel good: this state is characterized by an optimistic mood. When the activity of this zone is increased, self-esteem decreases, and positivity is replaced by a feeling of guilt, a feeling of one’s own incapacity and even helplessness.

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The logic is simple: to get rid of negative emotions and add more colors to life, it is enough to learn to control the limbic system. This will save you from many problems, including the answer to the question of how to increase a woman’s self-esteem and self-confidence.

If the limbic system is unstable, negative emotions arise

Simple ways to stabilize the limbic system:

Proper nutrition. The brain will not feel safe if it is exhausted by diets or, on the contrary, receives calories only from harmful foods. Only a balanced healthy diet will become a worthy source of energy. Take vitamins and fish oil, eat more fruits and limit unhealthy foods.
Physical activity. During training, serotonin is released, the hormone of joy and good mood. This will help you cope with stress and feel more confident and strong. In addition, good physical shape and a beautiful body contribute to increased self-esteem like nothing else.
Healthy sleep. For your brain to cope with stress and give you positive emotions, it needs to rest. We are talking about eight hours of sleep. This is the only way you will get “relaxation” and feel free from stress - after all, in a dream, the brain puts in order all the events, feelings and thoughts that happened during the day.

Proper nutrition promotes good mood

Physical intimacy. Frequent lovemaking not only strengthens the immune system and relieves stress, but also gives you a good mood - you begin to feel sexier, more confident and more beautiful.

Compliance with these points is necessary not only to increase self-esteem, but also to maintain health.

Where do complexes lead?

In fact, it is not immediately and not always that a person understands that his failures are associated with a banal negative perception of himself . At first it seems like I was still a teenager

, that you are simply unlucky in life, you come across the wrong people, many around you are better than you, there is too little money, but in our country it is impossible to earn more, there is a feeling that life is unfair, etc.

However, when mental discomfort becomes unbearable, a person begins to seriously think about why his life turns out this way and not differently. And this is correct, because many processes occur on an unconscious level , that is, you are not even aware of how they control you. Low self-esteem affects the psyche in the most negative way:

A person does not trust himself, so he runs away from problems rather than solving them. It's easier to get a divorce than to improve relationships.
Feelings of guilt , painful shame and self-criticism can lead to dire consequences. A person can lock himself at home and deny himself any joys in life, become addicted to alcohol, drugs, and even end his life on his own.
Increased anxiety , constant expectation of failure, feelings of loneliness, helplessness can turn a person into an inadequate person and incapable of reasonable actions. Momentary joys become more important than long-term ones, despite the negative consequences.
Constant thoughts about one’s own unattractiveness and inferiority lead to depression, “flight into illness,” and psychosomatic illnesses . And they even push people into learned helplessness when they manipulate others, blackmailing them with their own weakness and incompetence.
Inner emptiness and fear of responsibility lead to irrational relationships with money ; such people squander or save unnecessarily. Getting something cheaper than in other stores is an opportunity for them to feel superior. And so on in various other little things.
Convert to religions that absorb them. They transfer responsibility for their lives to other people, submitting to their will.
Constant self-pity , how poor and unhappy I am, treating myself as small
lead to complete suppression of the will and the desire to achieve something.
An attempt to compensate for one's inferiority leads to various extremes. Things, the praise of people, the number of connections, a prestigious position - all this becomes a stumbling block, and they hold on to this as the only opportunity to mean something.

What to do about it

Simple advice like “feel more confident” and “believe in yourself” will not help you get rid of low self-esteem.

First, you need to realize that there is a problem and every time you think that you are worse than others, pay attention to it and convince yourself.

Victims of manipulators

As a rule, women with low self-esteem become victims of abusers, manipulators, gaslighters and other not very nice men. This happens because these women have not been accustomed since childhood to the fact that their opinions and desires are taken into account. They themselves often do not understand: what they do is their desire or the desire of a partner whom they want to please, and therefore earn his love.

Women with low self-esteem do not love or respect themselves.

They are ready to make any compromises, adapt, give in. But, unfortunately, if you don’t love and respect yourself, no one will love and respect you. This is the law of life.