Parthenophobia: causes, symptoms and treatment of fear of virgins

Slava Profina 06/20/2018 no comments

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Erotophobia or genophobia is a general term that covers a wide range of specific fears. This generally applies to any phobia related to sex. Erotophobia is often complex, and many sufferers have more than one specific fear. It can be destructive and can cause sufferers to avoid not only romantic relationships, but also other forms of intimate contact.

How and why fear of sexual intimacy arises

There are many reasons for fear of sexual intercourse. Some of them are self-sufficient and can independently cause a phobia, some only in combination with other factors. The description of the reasons is best understood by their prevalence.

1. Upbringing.

Incorrect and defective upbringing of a child is the key to the development of erotophobia.
The atmosphere and style of upbringing in the family plays a role in shaping a child’s personality. After three or four years, a child begins to think about his gender. He begins to distinguish between both a boy and a girl. This is how sexual formation begins. However, limited upbringing can suppress such interest and cause terror, after which the child will forever have a fear of “exploring” the opposite sex. A dogmatic family, where the main law is parables and postulates from the local church, can easily suppress true curiosity and cause fear of sexual intimacy. There are many known cases where people from a church family were afraid not only of sex, but also of simply talking to the opposite sex. This is how men develop gynecophobia - an obsessive fear of women.

1. Fear of the first act.

Often boys and young girls receive distorted information about first sex from their peers and films. This is how a false impression is formed. The first sex among teenagers is shrouded in uncertainty, which gives rise to fear. Anxiety about first intimacy is more common among girls. The foundation of such fear is numerous painful sensations and rooting on the part of adults.

Young men are afraid not so much of the first sex, but of the second. In a state of extreme anxiety, adolescents often lack an erection. This fear can carry over to subsequent sexual acts. In the future, both sexes may associate sexual intercourse as something uncomfortable.

1. Dissatisfaction with one's own body.

Often young people cannot enter into intimacy because of their external shortcomings, which they consider catastrophic. This can lead to a fear of being ridiculed, which gives rise to erotophobia.

1. Fear of quick orgasm.

The nature of this fear is also rooted in some pornographic films, where young people observe porn actors having excessive stamina. This also includes dissatisfaction with the size of the penis.

1. Family violence.

Sexual violence in the family, although not a common case, is a strong factor contributing to the development of phobia. A person develops a strong psychological barrier to sex. He associates intimacy only with pain and other extremely unpleasant memories. This also leads to a fear of touching, kissing, and even neutral hugs.

1. Other reasons: fear of becoming pregnant, contracting a sexually transmitted infection, fear of responsibility, parthenophobia (fear of virgins).

How to deal with sexual guilt?

Feelings of guilt can be the cause of suppression of sexuality. Over time, such a person begins to sincerely believe that he is not interested in sex. So what to do about it?

1. Work on your imagination. This is a great start because it is much easier to overcome guilt in fantasy than in the physical world. If this is problematic, then you can resort to the help of erotic magazines or books. Unusual situations may arise in your fantasies; other people should not be afraid of this, since you do not necessarily need to make these fantasies come true. The purpose of this exercise is to feel the palette of emotions that you have been suppressing for a long time.

2. Change your approach. Try to rethink your attitude towards sex. What is this bias based on? Emotionally? Is it justified? Free yourself from previous experiences for a while and imagine that the topic of sex has touched you for the first time. If negative feelings from sex are based on emotions, try to get rid of them once and for all!

3. Try to become a hedonist. As a rule, sexually constrained men reject the principle of pleasure for the sake of pleasure. If you are consumed by a feeling of guilt because you don’t work hard, relax a lot, waste money, then most likely you don’t enjoy life. It is not right! Try to make room in your soul for simple pleasures - music, delicious food, painting, erotic magazines. By doing this, you will open the door to a new source of pleasure - sex.

4. Learning to be an active participant! Men who are constrained by a feeling of guilt during intimacy are mainly characterized by a rational assessment of their own actions. During sex, such men oppose themselves to what is happening, indifferently contemplating, instead of feeling the palette of emotions. In these cases, you should focus on your own sensations, on the female body, on mutual touching.

5. Restraint is the enemy of orgasm. Sexually constrained men usually experience a fear of losing control over what is happening in sex, appearing funny, or doing something wrong against this background, which could disappoint their partner. They are afraid to behave frankly, to show off their pleasure.

To cope with this problem, you need to let the situation go by itself and stop mentally controlling yourself and sexual intercourse. Be assertive in your movements without hiding your pleasure, which may be accompanied by heavy breathing or even screaming. If this is still problematic, try repeating these exercises to satisfy yourself. But you shouldn’t overuse masturbation, as it can become a habit!

Character traits and personality traits

There is no typical picture of a person who is afraid of intimacy. Fear of sex can arise both in insecure and suspicious people, and in successful and enterprising individuals.

Normally, such fear does not exist in principle: sexual instinct is a basic component of any biological species. The desire for self-reproduction is the main driving force, along with feeding behavior and the instinct of self-preservation. At birth, a person is already endowed with these phenomena and after puberty is ready to continue his family line.

Sexophobia is not transmitted genetically - it is acquired at a certain age, most often during puberty. Until this time, the personality was almost formed. Therefore, there is no connection between a specific personality trait and sexophobia.

But it’s another matter when coitophobia itself gives rise to some unpleasant feelings and actualizes hidden personality traits. So, erotophobes often become withdrawn, they develop anxiety and depression. However, these are reversible phenomena that disappear forever after a course of psychotherapy.

Bad past experience

In sexual life, bad previous experiences can be a hindrance for both men and women. The mental life of healthy people is structured in such a way that the association with an event is often transferred to subsequent events. Intimate experiences are no exception.

Sexual intercourse is accompanied by severe emotional shock.
At the same time, the man and woman try to satisfy each other. However, due to anxiety, unpleasant sexual disorders sometimes occur: erectile dysfunction and vaginismus. The first term is defined as the absence of an erection, the second - convulsive contractions of the muscular walls of the vagina. According to statistics, these disorders are mostly of a psychogenic nature, when organic damage to organs is not observed. Thus, an unsuccessful previous experience can be transferred to the next act of intimacy. This is especially true for suspicious and asthenic individuals, who can be very worried about this.

In the future, women may develop coitophobia. In men, erectile dysfunction only becomes attached to negative memories and creates a vicious circle.

Fear of unpleasant consequences

Fear of the consequences is normal when talking about various sexually transmitted infections or unwanted pregnancy. This fear is rational and often justified. Worrying about consequences is considered a sign of sound judgment. Less commonly, such anxiety develops into constantly purchasing pregnancy tests or frequent visits to doctors.

It’s a completely different matter when this fear develops into full-fledged sexophobia with all the attendant signs. This phenomenon occurs when a person becomes fixated on these thoughts, and constantly associates sex with an unpleasant outcome.

False psychological attitudes

Often, before the first intimate intimacy, partners form false attitudes in their heads. Unconscious tendencies appear not only during the first sex, but also in experienced, mature people. They appear like this:

• fear of not satisfying the partner;
• fear of lack of erection;
• actualization of past negative experiences (domestic violence, for example);
• attitude due to dogmatic upbringing: sex is disgusting, sex is only for procreation;
• thoughts about rapid ejaculation in men.

In any of these cases, the attitude is created on the basis of previous experience, the quality of which depends on the outcome of the intimate act, or on the basis of long-term and strong suggestions (sex is disgusting and dirty).

Problems in a couple between a man and a woman

Often, fear of sex breaks up the intimate life of partners and romantic relationships in general. The difficulty lies in the fact that erotophobia as a disease is not revealed at the beginning of a love affair, and the carrier of the disease may not express his fear until physical intimacy. However, you should not immediately look for a replacement. The best way is to identify the problem as early as possible and discuss it.

Self-correction methods

The nature of the help depends on the cause of the phobia. If this is poor information, you should contact a qualified

For those who have low self-esteem, working on themselves is suitable. Remember in what situations you felt confident. Instead of self-criticism, a sexologist. Now there are many possibilities for this. You can contact the doctor using social networks and get a consultation online. Another option is to take a webinar on sexology, choosing a topic that interests you. Try to analyze your positive qualities and external attractiveness. You should not rely on model parameters. You need to be able to find the positives in yourself and present them correctly. A beautiful hairstyle, sexy lingerie and makeup help girls feel more confident. For men - stylish clothes, chosen to highlight their assets.

Other tips:

1. Try to get closer to your partner on a spiritual level before having sex if you are afraid of being used. Spend more time together. Experts advise practicing with exercises to test your level of trust. Remember, a loving person will not cause harm. And previously painful sex will turn into tender lovemaking.
2. Engage in sexual relations only when both intimate partners are ready for it. Before the first time, you should not abuse alcohol. Be sure to use contraception to prevent unwanted pregnancy.
3. Talk to your partner about sex. Do not remain silent about discomfort, but talk about it immediately in the process of intimate rapprochement. This will help the partner, especially the male one, take action and better understand the other half. Overcoming fear through joint efforts is a great solution.

If a woman develops coitophobia due to pain in the genital area, she should consult a gynecologist. He will help you find out the true cause of the discomfort and prescribe appropriate treatment.

A condom is essential for a safe relationship.

Treatment of fear of virgins

Before describing the treatment, it should be noted that the fear of virgins, with its rapid development and increase in anxiety in connection with this, is transformed into a psychological block syndrome, which directly leads to the psychotherapeutic disease of the same name.

This phobia is completely curable. Its main method is complex psychotherapy.

Its components, in the treatment of parthenophobia, as well as in getting rid of paedophobia, are:

1. Hypnotherapy. This method allows, by changing the internal psychological attitudes of a client suffering from this disease, by resorting to putting him into a trance, with the goal of complete recovery, to change the subconscious worldview that has become established during the illness. Being in a state of hypnotic trance, a person accepts new “reference points” for himself, which helps to change the subconscious worldview. For example, get rid of attitudes for the psychological reason of fear of virgins.
2. Neurolinguistic programming. This is the second most important psychotherapeutic method for treating parthenophobia. It must be noted that in psychological circles its frequent use is not encouraged. Using it, you can set a vector with a positive direction towards the patient’s complete recovery from this manifestation of one of the types of gynecophobia.
3. Cognitive behavioral therapy. Here it is possible to correct a person’s mental state and the psychological processes occurring in his brain, without direct intervention in the individual’s brain centers through the implementation of a rehabilitation program compiled for him individually.

In cases where the problem is related to a misunderstanding of the situation, psychoanalytic therapy alone is sufficient, after which immediate relief and improvement occurs.

Particular attention should be paid to the issue that all of the above methods should be used only by psychotherapists (psychologists) who have additional professional qualifications as hypnologists or neuroprogrammers.