In the 21st century, when show business and the modeling industry are gaining momentum, and people with impeccable appearance flaunt on the covers of magazines and television channels, self-doubt is especially acute. Moreover, sometimes it’s not even about appearance, but rather about false ideas and self-deception.
Inferiority complex is one of the most common psychological problems in our time. Mass culture plays an important role in this problem.
When incredible beauties without a single flaw look at us from the screens, even small flaws of our own can seem like a real disaster, and our appearance is unacceptable to be called beautiful.
Successful and fabulously rich people, who are also covered by the press and television, have a depressing effect on some people, since their income seems incredibly meager to them, and in a world with such successful people, they can seem like failures to themselves.
It is possible to correct a seemingly hopeless situation. First of all, you should understand the reasons for self-doubt. The root of almost every psychological problem lies in childhood. After all, it is in childhood that character and habits are formed. For example, the child was ridiculed by peers or could not meet the high demands of his parents, or was overprotected. All this can cause a problem such as an inferiority complex. Embarrassment about excess weight, poor grades in educational institutions, pressure can also become the basis for problems with self-esteem.
Having dealt with the reasons, you need to move on to creating a plan to increase self-esteem.
The first step is to recognize that there is a problem. It is necessary to determine the reasons, and only then begin to fight them. It will be much easier to divide all further work into three parts.
- Self-sufficiency.
- Hobbies and interests.
- Neatness and appearance.
Causes of self-doubt
Psychologists do not have a clear answer to the question of why children acquire different personality traits. Some believe that it’s all about the genetic factor, others – about the environment. An adult may become unsure of his abilities after a series of failures.
Throughout life, people have to play many roles: being a child, a parent, an employee, etc. Behind all this, a person loses his identity. Therefore, he perceives the ruin of the company as a personal loss. If you can differentiate between roles and personality, this helps relieve uncertainty.
Few people have a clear idea of the meaning of life. Without it, motivation and desire to do something disappear. Some disorders and health problems gradually develop. It is difficult for a person to believe that he can change something in life and improve it.
Most jobs in the modern world are intellectual. A deformation of consciousness occurs, and people begin to perceive everything rationally and pragmatically. This has a negative impact on personal development. It is difficult for women to exist without emotions. They sink into boredom and apathy.
Basic values help a person understand what is good and what is bad. Without this, it will be difficult to gain confidence.
Important! Some individuals tend to solve problems radically. For example, giving up family for the sake of a career. Correctly set priorities help keep all areas of life normal.
When a man or woman knows which areas are interesting, it is easy for them to make a choice. This gives you a feeling of confidence and self-worth.
Personal boundaries are important for well-being. When embarrassed, it is difficult for a person to refuse, and he will always do what is asked of him. This creates uncertainty about one's own worth.
Sometimes a person’s self-doubt arises due to a dysfunctional childhood. Parents can influence this, since their condemnation and dissatisfaction negatively affect self-esteem.
A child needs the support of the people who matter most to him, so negativity from his father and mother hurts him greatly
Failures at school, pressure from peers and other unfavorable situations also have a bad effect on a person. He is unlikely to become successful in life and at work. In the worst case, he faces alcoholism and drug addiction.
Everyone can be determined to change everything for the better. This will require a lot of work.
Reasons for distrusting others
In principle, all of the above reasons influence the formation of mistrust. For a child, for a long time after birth, parents are the whole world, and their behavior and attitude towards the child described above does not contribute to the establishment of a trusting relationship. The child projects: how my parents treat me, so does the whole world, and for many it becomes hostile, accusing, punishing and punishing for sins and missteps.
Parental attitudes affect us so strongly because they are repeated many times and are remembered involuntarily, unconsciously. Moreover, they are voiced precisely at an age when we are not yet able to filter information and evaluate it critically, especially that which comes from the people dearest to us.
In addition to self-doubt, our past has left many “gifts” that prevent us from living fully today. Distrust of the world, inability to make decisions and take responsibility, failure to choose a profession and find one’s place in life - this is only the visible part of the iceberg; the roots of all this lie deep. It is not always possible to deal with such a volume of material on your own. Free consultation
from a psychologist, is the first step towards confidence.
Ksenia Golitsyna, Practicing psychologist 2013
How to be more confident
In life, a person has to face various difficulties. Some of them end in failure, which leads to a decrease in self-esteem. The psychology of self-confidence is built on different principles. There are certain techniques that can help cope with the problem.
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence for men and women
You should immediately understand that there are no quick ways to change your thinking and feelings. You cannot instantly change your self-esteem and get rid of insecurity. Overcoming yourself is difficult, but the result is worth it.
To a woman
The fair sex will have to work in several directions. A girl should take care of her appearance, as her confidence depends on it. A well-groomed and made-up lady invariably evokes admiration, this contributes to the development of self-esteem.
Important! Going for a manicure and pedicure, getting a haircut at the hairdresser and changing your style allow you to present yourself in a new way, to become a different person.
You need to practice facial expressions in front of the mirror. A simple smile can add attractiveness and confidence to your actions. An open look, a smile, an even posture - all this makes a woman influential.
If a girl solves the problem of how to become self-confident, then she needs to start working on herself. To do this, you need to set goals and achieve them. It is important that they be realizable; you should not immediately aim for something more.
To stop being shy about people, you need to communicate with them as much as possible. To do this, you can walk the streets and ask questions to passers-by. For example, how to get somewhere or where a certain object is located.
Shyness will take a long time to wear off, so you will have to work hard. Over time, the understanding will come that strangers will not do anything bad, you don’t have to be afraid of them. It can be helpful to volunteer or help organize an event.
Being active will help increase self-esteem. The more a woman does something useful, the less time she has for negative thoughts. Therefore, you can go to training courses or play sports.
You should not expect instant changes, since it is very difficult to overcome stereotypes, but in the end you can gain new character traits
Not everyone knows how to quickly overcome self-doubt. The main difficulty is that there is no single scheme, only general recommendations. The girl will have to try different techniques.
To a man
For representatives of the stronger sex, the most important thing is to achieve something in life. A career, an expensive car, a wife and children are generally accepted criteria for success. Therefore, men also need to know how to gain self-confidence and develop it to a normal level.
It is necessary to get rid of fussiness in life, as haste increases the level of stress. A constant nervous environment does not promote health and increases the likelihood of problems. Every day you need to find time to relax. Calmness helps reduce the likelihood of developing cardiovascular diseases.
You need to stop reproaching yourself and looking for flaws in yourself. It’s still not productive and doesn’t help improve self-esteem. All activities and goals need to be carefully planned. This will make it possible to visualize the action plan and facilitate implementation.
To understand how to develop self-confidence, you need to be clear about your life principles. For example, if family is most important to a man, then he needs to build everything around it. Finding a life partner is not easy, but a woman is unlikely to agree to be with an insecure wimp.
Not everyone knows how to be a confident person. Some people mistake this for an ostentatious lifestyle, but this is also a manifestation of low self-esteem.
To kid
In childhood, problems with self-esteem and confidence are the hardest to bear. It seems to the child that the whole world is against him, and this does not contribute to the development of cheerfulness.
A teenager in this state may be prone to depression and suicide. He develops eating disorders and other disorders. Therefore, parents should monitor the child and his condition.
It is necessary to start with changing the behavior of adults. To do this, the family climate is analyzed, as it can develop problems in children.
Important! Moms and dads often don't notice that they are behaving incorrectly. They do not attach importance to their words and actions.
You cannot judge or ridicule children. They should always emphasize strong traits and actions. Even if your son is a poor student, you should still believe in him. It will be easier for a child to cope with troubles if he knows that his family will support him.
You cannot criticize a person, only certain actions. For example, impudent behavior or rudeness does not equate to the fact that the student will not achieve anything and end up living as an alcoholic.
Already in preschool age, it becomes clear that the child has problems with self-esteem. He refuses to play with other children, often cries and worries about any failure. Therefore, you need to immediately teach him to cope with problems.
He forgives nothing and forgets nothing
One of the hallmarks of a healthy personal relationship is the ability to put aside minor disagreements and the ability to learn from mistakes made. If the man with whom you decide to connect your life remembers everything, even the smallest grievances, then it is very likely that he suffers from lack of self-confidence and the prospects for your relationship. If you really like him and want to help him, try to convince him that the past should stay in the past, and he should focus on the present and future, and not on old quarrels.
How uncertainty manifests itself
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence for a woman - psychology
Sometimes people don't even realize that something is wrong with them. They don't know that they need to improve their self-esteem and change their worldview. Such individuals are not always modest.
Self-confidence is a frequent accompaniment of uncertainty. A person can praise himself, emphasize his importance and look for a sacrifice for self-affirmation. He enjoys public speaking and the attention of crowds. He can attract him with the help of non-standard hairstyle and clothes.
A self-confident person constantly requires confirmation of his ideality. He demands compliments, time and attention from friends. It is difficult to establish communication with such a person, as she is prone to hysterics and jealousy.
There are other signs of insecurity. A person is afraid to speak, attract attention and somehow stand out.
Some people seem to be trying to blend in with the crowd, to disappear into it
An insecure person will often feel negative emotions, anxiety, and fear. All this will significantly worsen your health.
Where to start making changes
How to become a confident man and increase your self-esteem
The average person has little idea how to quickly develop self-confidence. First you need to acknowledge the existence of a problem - this will be the starting point. Then you need to decide what caused the uncertainty.
Finding yourself as an individual will help change your worldview. To do this, you will have to understand what exactly a person likes to do and what his views on life are. You can raise your self-esteem through a series of tasks that will be successfully completed. They don't have to be global. Even everyday situations are suitable.
It is worth making a habit of some beliefs. The first is the ability to enjoy life in any situation. You can find positive aspects in any position, this will give you confidence. The second is maintaining a calm perception. Excessive fussing will not help anything, and there is no point in wasting time on it.
He avoids direct eye contact
Body language can sometimes speak much louder than words. Insecure men are rarely able to look their interlocutor in the eyes, especially if he has romantic plans for this very interlocutor. This is because the eyes of any person are very expressive, and they often allow you to look deep into his soul. It's clear that when a man is insecure, he doesn't want you to see it. So if, during intimacy or leisure time together, a man avoids looking into your eyes, this is a very alarming bell.
Confidence after 50
There is a misconception that only in youth a person faces the problem of how to become strong and self-confident. In fact, everyone experiences several age-related crises throughout their lives. At 50 years old, a person thinks that he is getting old and is no longer good for anything.
Important! The situation is aggravated by the fact that by midlife everyone has different health problems.
At any age you can change the situation. Over the years, people's personality undergoes changes, but they can be dealt with. This will be difficult to do, but feasible.
You need to make it a rule to be happy and smile at yourself in the mirror every day. Exercise and walking will help you maintain and improve your well-being. You definitely need to find a hobby and it’s worth developing in it.
It is important to remove negativity as much as possible, so do not watch television and other news programs. There is nothing good or useful in them. It is impossible to say unequivocally how best to deal with self-doubt. Each person will have their own way of correcting the situation.
He doesn't respect your personal space
If you repeatedly catch him reading text messages on your phone, looking at the history in your browser, or wondering what and who is writing to you on social networks, then most likely he is extremely unsure of himself. , and in your ability to save your relationship. He is trying to “catch” you in advance in obvious or imaginary infidelity and an attempt to leave him, so that he will not feel so bad when (as he is consciously or subconsciously sure) this happens. Try to explain to him that this behavior is unpleasant to you, that you, like all people, need your personal space, and he should respect it.
The impact of confidence on life
People have a hard time making major changes in their lives. It is easier to live according to familiar stereotypes and beliefs. A woman may not understand why she should look for ways to solve problems. She doesn't know how to get rid of her strong self-doubt.
Important! Against the background of low self-esteem, depression and hormonal imbalances develop, and the risk of stroke and heart attack increases.
Change requires serious effort on the part of a person. Such a desire must come from him, and not from the outside, otherwise the advice of specialists will be useless and will not bring results. The process is very unpleasant and is accompanied by various effects, for example, irritability and increased emotionality.
The important thing is not how to overcome self-doubt, but what needs to be done to achieve this. Only personal internal motivation will allow a person to cope with the task.
By gaining confidence, you can change your life for the better: find a loved one and change jobs, achieve recognition in society, etc.
He gets angry when you're not around
The life of any married couple cannot - and should not - revolve entirely around their relationship. If you want this relationship to be strong and fulfilling, both you and your partner need to have at least some life outside of it. And if your partner is angry and annoyed by any of your attempts to spend your free time not in your company, this means that he does not trust you or your friends. Of course, this does not mean that you can leave him alone every evening, making him feel unwanted, but... try to convince him that you need to spend your free time from time to time on yourself, and not on him, and not even on you two.
Advice from psychologists
If a person wants to know exactly how to gain good self-confidence, then he can turn to specialists. They will help you find the root of the problem and work through it.
A psychologist is only a support; a person will have to work on his own
The most certified specialist also will not have a ready-made technique that will help you learn how to overcome serious fear and self-doubt. You will have to try different exercises and schemes to change your thinking. All this will take time and can last for dozens of sessions.
Almost all people ask themselves in life the question of how to always be a confident person. This is a normal phenomenon, since everyone is critical of their activities. It is important not to get carried away by self-criticism and negative analysis.
A woman needs not only to decide how to learn to be self-confident, but also to ask herself what it will give. All this will make the work efficient.
Anyone can gain confidence, but for this they will have to work hard.
