The fear of failure haunts almost all people. Each of us experiences anxiety before a performance, meeting the opposite sex, and is afraid to talk about our desires and even dream. Therefore, living in a small world, you are not allowed to go out and try new things.
People limit their actions and endeavors in order not to make a mistake if they have developed atychiphobia, which translated from Greek means “fear of failure.” They are terrified of making a mistake, of not being able to cope with the task, of disgracing themselves. This fear, like many others, has a destructive effect on a person’s lifestyle and influences his intentions. People with phobias see a direct connection between opportunity, failure and competition. To get closer, they believe that it is better not to touch upon problematic issues. To achieve success for them is comparable to an unattainable goal, and to fail is a disaster.
The mechanism of development of fear of failure
Atychiphobia originates in childhood. Many parents do not learn how to raise children and do not know how to regulate emotions. Often, a child, having committed an act that is not correct from the parents’ point of view, is subjected to psychological attack. Phrases addressed to the child: “how many times have I told you”, “now think about what you have done, think about your behavior”, “aren’t you ashamed”, which are reinforced by further punishment or physical violence.
At this moment, parents create strong negative emotional stress, and the child’s consciousness turns off. Only the subconscious is in contact with the parents, where the program for reacting to error and fear is recorded. The child, due to his inexperience, does not know how to get rid of the fear of failure and how to react to actions. He only learns from his elders, from his parents, how to behave. Children learn role models by imitating adults, absorbing the rules of behavior, instructions and attitudes of elders. In this case, parents turn on the self-reflection mode, that is, turning to their emotions.
A person, having committed an act as an adult, will think about how to change the past and what others will think about it, and experience a feeling of shame, guilt, and fear. The mechanism of self-analysis is launched, in simple terms, self-criticism. A person, focusing on emotions, cuts himself off from the outside world, from the fact that the situation can be corrected. People feel paralyzed when making mistakes or stressful situations. This is a sign that parents in childhood emotionally suppressed and reacted, laying down a mechanism of numbness, literally fear.
Another model of parental behavior is important at the moment when the child did something bad or wrong. It is important to appeal not to self-reflection and to what the child is experiencing, but to redirect the child’s thoughts from the internal space to the external, turning to him with a statement of the fact of the action and the question: how can we correct the unsuccessful situation, what do you propose to do? Action must be taken to correct the error. In this case, parents suggest looking for a solution to failure and neutralizing the consequences of the past. Thoughts aimed at finding new opportunities turn a person into a creative person who can cope with any events.
How does fear influence our decisions?
The part of our brain that controls this fear is called the “reptilian” part because it is the oldest part of our brain and still retains all of our prehistoric impulses and reflexes and dictates when we should run, fight, or freeze in place in a dangerous situation.
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Fear, as a rule, provokes retreat and is therefore the enemy of progress. At the very moment when our future depends on new ideas and decisive actions, the “inner reptile” shakes in fear of losing “everything that has been acquired through backbreaking labor.” Even when the positives far outweigh the negatives, we sometimes find it difficult to stop dwelling on the negative, and ultimately fear prevents us from making decisions in favor of our dreams.
Symptoms
Loss of confidence and motivation lead to depression and then to more serious mental disorders. Those suffering from atychiphobia experience a number of physiological manifestations:
- Nausea.
- Nervousness.
- Shortness of breath.
- Weakness.
- Heavy sweating.
- Stomach upset.
These signs come into play when people are faced with the possibility of failure in a task that they believe cannot be completed successfully.
Treatment
There are many ways to overcome the anxious expectation of failure in bed. If the cause of ED is anxious anticipation of failure in bed, then eliminating the fear of failure may also help reduce ED.
Some ways to overcome anxiety about failure in bed are:
- meditation
- education on sex and sexual behavior
- talk therapy to overcome stress, depression and other life problems
- couples counseling to help deal with relationship problems
- sex therapy to work on issues of intimacy and sexual activity
- lifestyle changes such as increasing physical activity and exercise and improving nutrition
- discussing your worries and fears with your partner
- getting rid of negative thoughts
- eliminating stressors from your life
- calm sex
- focusing on what you can do rather than what you think you should do
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Managed Views
Guided imagery is another therapy that can help you overcome concerns about failure in bed. Through guided imagery, you enter a light, trance-like state in which you listen to a vividly described scenario. This method helps your body overcome any mental or physical problems you are dealing with by drawing on your subconscious mind. Research conducted by psychiatrist K. Kuruvilla in 1984 found that people who received guided imagery and sex education were able to overcome ED caused by stress and anxiety.
You do not need to visit a doctor to go through guided views. To do this at home, write and record a scenario that allows you to imagine successful sex with your partner. As you listen to the script, focus on getting and keeping an erection and having a pleasant sexual experience. The more you go through this process, the easier your subconscious mind will be able to overcome any problems associated with failure in bed.
Ways to overcome fear
Many atychiphobes, dreaming of opening a new business, organizing a hobby, or realizing a dream, are afraid of the opinions of others. How will I appear to others? What will others think? - this is the list of questions that arise in the head of a person who experiences fear of failure. Someone's opinion actually stops you a lot, but no one is interested in your failure. If someone is interested in the collapse and wants to laugh, then these are not the people to whom you should pay attention and react, because by reacting you give them your energy, but do not get rid of fear.
Causes
Anxious anticipation of sexual failure is caused primarily by negative thoughts. These thoughts may be related to sex or problems in your daily life. Men may feel depressed due to fear that they will not be able to satisfy their partners or they may doubt their sexual abilities. Fear and anxiety about penis size and the appearance of your body may also play a role in anxiety about failure in bed. Other reasons for fear of failure in bed may include stress related to:
- work
- relationships
- children or other family members
- finances
ED can be caused by various physical and psychological factors, including anxious anticipation of failure in bed. Other causes of ED may include:
- problems with blood vessels
- neurological disorders such as multiple sclerosis
- stroke or nerve damage due to diabetes
- stress
- depression
- lack of motivation
- injury
- low testosterone levels
- chronic illness
- surgery for malignant tumors on the prostate, bladder and colon
- smoking
- kidney problems
- alcohol and drug abuse
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Some medications can also cause ED due to their effects on hormones, nerves, or circulation. ED is a common side effect:
- diuretics
- high blood pressure medications
- antihistamines
- antidepressants
- drugs for heart failure
- medications for Parkinson's disease
- tranquilizers
- muscle relaxant medications
- hormones
- chemotherapy drugs
- drugs for prostate cancer
- anticonvulsants
- anti-inflammatory drugs
Dealing with perfectionism, comfort zone and responsibility
How to overcome the fear of failure if it prevents you from moving forward, achieving goals, or you are afraid of what others will think? The first thing to do is to reconsider your beliefs about fear. Fear of failure is based on perfectionism, which stops you from further action. Perfectionism in psychotherapy is a complex, complex process that must be controlled by a specialist. But you can figure out the key points of perfectionism on your own.
They are:
- resentment;
- negative thinking;
- lack of self-confidence;
- worry and anxiety.
It is important to learn to forgive, even if it does not change the past. Think about who suffers from resentment - the offender or you. Try to stop taking the poison and move on. Negative thinking includes gloomy forecasts, screening out the positive, and being judgmental. It is important to develop positive realism, but not to deny problems. Remember that nothing is perfect. Give yourself permission to not be perfect, don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Write your fear down on a piece of paper, then tear it up and decide to move on with positive thoughts.
People prone to perfectionism have unpleasant dialogues with themselves. Affirmations can help here. Unflattering epithets about yourself are replaced with the opposite, for example, “I am a loser - I am successful.” To increase confidence, activities that bring pleasure and improve your favorite activity are effective. Worry and anxiety are eliminated by transferring to the present moment, since anxious people exist in the future with a gloomy tint. It's important to stop worrying about what hasn't happened yet.
The second rule that will help eliminate the fear of failure is expanding your comfort zone. This point is important because people with perfectionism like to be in a kind of “soap bubble”. If you don't push the boundaries of comfort, you won't be able to go far. To do this, you need to determine the boundaries of where the comfort zone is and where discomfort manifests itself. Every day, going beyond your comfort zone in different areas of life - business or relationships, the boundaries will be expanded and the world will be multifaceted.
The next barrier that needs to be overcome on the path to dreams is the fear of responsibility. Rule #3 says: By taking responsibility for your own mistakes, the fear of failure will gradually go away. Setting a small task every day, completing it, and taking responsibility for it will help boost your confidence.
How to stop being afraid of failures and decide to act: a psychologist’s answer
The editors of I WANT decided to answer the most concerning questions of our readers in the “Answer from a Psychologist” section. Several times a week we will publish answers on the site. Answered by a practicing psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences - Valeria Tsykhonya. You can send your questions to marked “Answer from a psychologist.”
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There have probably been moments in each of our lives when we didn’t believe in ourselves. You watch how others do something skillfully and say to yourself: “no, I definitely can’t do that” or “of course, she can do it...”. These are all just fears and excuses. A person can achieve a lot if he learns to set goals correctly.
1. Psychologists say that we have all the resources we need to change. If someone succeeds, it means that everything can work out for you too. You may need more time for this, perhaps more effort, but if someone is already doing this, then it is very likely that you can do something similar. As our wise grandmothers said: “it’s not holy pots that are made.”
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2. Be inspired by the examples of others. Often, the successes of other people whom we relate to ourselves in areas that are important to us and with certain personal characteristics cause resentment or envy. Track these experiences and drive them away. On the contrary, be inspired by the examples of others. Study what qualities helped them achieve results, what actions they took.
3. Set your priorities. Think about why you need this? What can you get as a result? What can you lose? What resources do you need to spend? What will happen if you don't take action? What will your life be like? Believe me, the answers to these questions are very stimulating.
4. Set realistic goals for yourself. It is very important to go towards your dream in small steps. Everything big starts from small things. Very often people become disappointed in everything, and above all in themselves, when they set themselves overly inflated and ambitious goals. Start small, when this small becomes a habit, when you hone your skills, you can easily move to another level. After all, it is known that still water wears away stones.
5. If the fear of failure is very strong, enlist the support of authoritative people. They will be able to suggest, advise, help or seek help from a psychologist;)
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Dealing with errors
Mistakes are a way to achieve success. There is no other way than making mistakes. Atychiphobia occurs in communities where people compete for certain rewards. Those who dream of starting a business are afraid of failure, so they never take action. Fear of failure or failure is a common reason why people don't achieve their goals.
Successful people are those who have made more mistakes than others. In an idealistic mind, a successful person is one who does not make mistakes. This is true now, but before he tried to perform an action many times and made mistakes, and based on his failures he developed a new way to solve the problem, like an athlete in training. Mistakes belong to the learning zone. By making a mistake, a person just learns. It is important to shift the situation from self-reflection to possibilities. The following techniques will help you do this:
- Training to switch consciousness. Catch yourself thinking when you feel shame and guilt. As soon as you begin to catch these states, you will be able to stop and switch from self-criticism to the ability to look for opportunities in the outside world. Become your own parent so you can switch in reverse order.
- Openness of the subconscious. The fear of failure lies deep in the subconscious. It is possible to rewrite the program of the subconscious in the morning immediately after waking up and before going to bed. After awakening, consciousness does not immediately turn on; this is the time for the subconscious to act. At these moments, say phrases out loud to write a new program into the subconscious and form a new attitude towards mistakes. These phrases are: “it’s normal to make mistakes”, “everyone has the right to make mistakes, and I also have the right to make mistakes”, “I’m afraid of mistakes, but admitted mistakes become experience, and experience is valuable”, “I allow myself to gain experience” .
- Cancellation of failure. There are no failures in the world, only experience. On the way to the goal, experience and knowledge are acquired. The more experience, the greater the chances of living a fruitful life. Those who take action get results, so it is important to erase the word “failure.”
Conduct research on the undesirable result, work on mistakes, so that next time you can get the desired result and set the next task.
Stop viewing mistakes negatively
Almost all great inventors have made mistakes at some point. Is it really possible that Thomas Edison invented the ideal incandescent lamp the first time? The answer is obvious: no, it is almost impossible to create something functional and effective on the first try. However, which of our contemporaries remembers Edison because of his mistakes?
A mistake is not the end, but just part of our story, a necessary element of growth and movement forward, another step on the path to success. By changing our attitude towards mistakes, we learn not to be afraid of them and not to despair if they are repeated.
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