How to learn to manage people at a distance \ Book of Reason

Image copyright Getty Are we always in control of our thoughts? As BBC Future correspondent David Robson discovered, manipulating people's minds is much easier than we imagine.

Perhaps we are all just puppets in the hands of some powerful puppeteer? Most people are sure that this is not the case. They make independent decisions and create their own destiny.

But they are wrong. As psychologist Jay Olson of McGill University in Quebec, Canada, notes, “Many of the decisions we make are influenced by external things of which we are not aware, and we are quite sure that the idea is ours.” The question is whether we can learn to recognize this influence and successfully resist it.

Jay Olson has dedicated his life to researching ways to influence people's attention. And it all started with magic. “I learned magic tricks when I was five, and by seven I was performing on stage,” he says.

When Jay began studying psychology, he was surprised by how new scientists' discoveries about attention, memory, and human psychological reactions were consistent with his own experience as a magician.

He was especially captivated by one trick, during which the magician asked the participant to mentally select one card from the deck, which he then, to the surprise of the audience, unmistakably pulled out of his pocket.

Image copyright Thinkstock Image caption Many of the decisions we make are influenced by external things of which we are not aware

The secret is to force the participant to choose exactly the card from the deck that you have prepared in your pocket. (In our conversation, Olson did not reveal how he manages to do this, but other specialists say that subtly bending a card during a deck demonstration causes the participant to subconsciously notice it.) Even these seconds are enough for the card to come to mind when the participant is forced to make a choice.

As a scientist, Olson's first step was to test the objectivity of the trick's success. And the result was amazing - 103 out of 105 participants chose exactly the card he wanted.

It is not surprising that these results attracted a lot of attention from the press, but the most stunning, according to the scientist, was the second part of the study.

A survey of focus participants later showed that 92% of them were absolutely sure that they had made an independent choice, that no manipulation of their consciousness occurred.

Even more surprising is the fact that most of them gave reasons for their choice. “Yes, one person said that he chose the ten of hearts because 10 is the largest number, and he thought of the suit even before the experiment began,” says the scientist.

Personality type or the color and size of the cards, as further experiments revealed, also did not play any role. It seems we are all equally prone to this kind of manipulation.

The conclusions from this experiment go beyond the art of magic and force us to reconsider our ideas.

Despite our strong sense of freedom, our ability to make independent and autonomous decisions can be a great illusion. “Freedom of choice is only a feeling, it is not really related to the decision-making process,” explains Jay Olson.

Managing a woman: male manipulation in relationships

This approach is unfair - a man is not obliged to play by the rules just because “a real man should...”.
Only by giving and receiving in return can you count on a long-lasting and spiritual union. In some cases, manipulating a woman helps to rein her in and make her more flexible, but only when there is no malicious intent in the man’s methods of influence. What types of manipulations do men choose, what strings of a woman’s soul do they pull in order to subjugate her? How to manage a woman? The main methods are:

Humiliation.
This type of manipulation is very insidious and sneaky in nature. It consists of hints about a woman’s unattractiveness (comparison with others, emphasizing shortcomings), her lack of such a sharp mind as the most “beautiful and ideal” man. As a result of such manipulations, the man receives a notorious life partner; the lady will even be afraid that the man will leave her. If you want your life friend to start taking care of herself, to increase the level of her knowledge, then you should spur her on in a different way, without killing her faith that she is the best. For example, go in for sports together, and not blame her for the extra kilos while lying on the couch with a bottle of beer.
Attempts to convince a woman that she is not worthy of a man.
Men's manipulations are something like this: “A woman should stay at home and raise children,” “What can you do without me,” “Who needs you?” This is true for family people, where the man has the largest (sometimes the only) income, and the woman is a housewife. Unemployed (or paid pennies), not as attractive as others, a woman will begin to doubt herself, pleasing her husband even more. Often men do not appreciate being taken care of when they come to a clean and comfortable home. But manipulations in relationships in the form of reproaches will lead to the woman becoming hateful both her husband and the household, and even herself.
A man “doesn’t notice” how hard his chosen one tries to please him.
This is a subtle psychological move so that the girl does not think that she has won the man’s heart forever. This method of manipulation can be good and beneficial for both the man and the relationship. The girlfriend of a “cold” person will not allow herself to relax, she will direct her efforts to self-improvement, education, and strengthening relationships. Just don’t be too blind to the attractiveness of a lady, because there will certainly be those who will appreciate her beauty, generously showering her with admiration. Often young people ignore their companion’s stories, saying an offensive phrase like: “Oh, sorry, I was thinking about my own things.” It is important to know when to stop in everything - it doesn’t matter whether a woman is manipulated or done unconsciously.
Promises to get a star from the sky before intimacy and ignoring them after sex.
This manipulation is used by young people who are not in the mood for a serious relationship. The girl, who has lost her vigilance from romantic words and gifts, is already coming up with names for her future children. This is female psychology. What a disappointment awaits her when interest in her suddenly disappears. And this happens more often, of course, with still young and trusting creatures. But deception on the part of a man will haunt the girl for a long time. Next time, the one who was used for pleasure will not even believe the truth. Male manipulations of this kind are dangerous for vulnerable girls.
Read also: Test for autism. How to check your child’s condition yourself
Refusal of intimacy on the part of a man.
What do the strong representatives of humanity want? Perhaps they are tired of ordinary sex, they want something new, but the man does not know how to say it correctly. Another reason may be problems in relationships, lack of personal space, conflicts at work, or depression of the man himself. A woman, offended by inattention (and even refusal), believes that the problem lies solely with her (has become unwanted). It’s great if the couple is able to sit down at the negotiating table and find out the reason for the silence in bed.
Manipulation of a woman in the form of accusations of all sins.
In order not to admit their mistakes and mistakes, men shift the blame for their failures onto their companions. For example, a woman is indignant that her husband does not devote time to the child. But in response he hears from the manipulator that he is already tired, that he has no strength at all, and also a wife who gnaws without reason, and that the child’s upbringing is lame. Fatigue is a valid reason; you can devote only 15 minutes of time to your baby, asking about the past day, telling a fairy tale, even without getting up from your favorite sofa. The main idea of such manipulation is “it’s all your fault.” In the example presented, the wife is to blame for the fact that her husband works so much because she and the child sit at home and do not bring in any money. But by creating a family, the man understood what awaited him in the future. This can be used to build protection against manipulation.
A challenge to conflict from a man.
This is what energy vampires, familiar to everyone, do and people who prefer to present their lady of the heart in front of everyone as someone with an unstable psyche. Intentionally bringing a woman to scream, tears and hysterics, the man immediately replaces his anger with mercy, his tone becomes calm. The woman, in the end, begins to believe that she really lives with a person with truly angelic patience, and not with a tyrant who says nasty things to throw out his inner negativity. Hence - a number of psychological problems related to the fact that she is not worthy of him, and the partner’s excuses.

You shouldn’t think that all men dream and see how to control a woman. Often a thoughtless word comes out of a man’s mouth not out of malice. Besides, a boyfriend, husband or lover is an ordinary person. Sometimes he “breaks down” due to poor health or troubles at work.

Read on the topic Manipulation in family conflicts and quarrels

How to resist manipulation? Think about whether there is truth in his words. Don’t accumulate resentment by crying into your pillow at night. Have a heart-to-heart talk with your beloved, listening to his position in response. But the conversation should not take the format of a scandal or a one-sided game, when a woman speaks and a man is silent. By searching for a compromise and cultivating mutual respect for each other in a relationship, a peaceful agreement can be reached.

The main rule on how to resist manipulation by a man is not to completely dissolve in him, go a little to the side after hearing an offensive phrase from him, try to figure out the situation on your own, putting everything in order in your head. Management from the outside can even help a woman and spur her to self-improvement.

Read on the topic 10 dangerous and wrong relationships that you urgently need to get out of

piter-training.ru

First, let's look at the main methods of manipulation that men resort to in order to get the desired result.

Often men resort to this method when the arguments run out, it is difficult to defend that they are right, and pride does not allow them to admit guilt. It is much easier to present yourself as an ideal and peace-loving person who strives with all his might to avoid conflict than to accept losing. At the same time, the woman turns out to be hysterical and unbalanced, although in fact she just wants to achieve justice and be heard.

We suggest you read: If a man constantly wants a woman

Any outcome of such manipulation emphasizes women's weaknesses. She agreed with the man’s statement - she was stupid, she gave free rein to her emotions and began to demand dialogue - she was hysterical.

Solution. If you have already noticed similar actions in your chosen one more than once, use the same method. Tell him your point of view as the only correct one, and then take the position of a “peacemaker.” Let him feel ignored and indifference. After a couple of such dialogues, he will begin to be more attentive to your opinion and will not allow himself to neglect you.

In relationships, as in many other areas of their lives, women strive to be perfect. They spend a huge amount of time on makeup, hairstyle, and outfit. They try to create comfort in the house and surprise their loved one with delicious food.

Men know this and happily take advantage of this weakness. A simple but quite effective phrase, “And you turned out to be completely different...” can motivate a woman to fulfill any whim. Especially if the man says that he boasted about this skill or character trait to mutual friends and acquaintances.

In order to maintain the status voiced by a man, for example, an obedient wife who agrees with everything, a woman makes a lot of effort and fulfills the wishes of her beloved.

Solution: If you see that his words are nothing more than a simple attempt to play on your feelings, then you should not worry about the opinions of others and his evaluation. Just respond by saying, “I know I’m not perfect, just like you’re not perfect, but in a relationship the main thing is to accept each other for who we are.”

One way of manipulation is to impose your opinion. Men, just like women, are quite skilled at this. This technique is especially often used by men who have been in relationships for a long time and really know well the reaction of their beloved to various situations.

This technique works as follows:

A man chooses an area in which he wants to impose his opinion on a woman.
For a long time he says something like: “I know that you can’t live without me!”, “You’re head over heels in love with me, that’s for sure!”, “You know that I’m not like that and I won’t do that!”
At first, this may seem like a joke, then just usual phrases, but over time, all these phrases will truly become the woman’s opinion.

Solution. If you often hear such expressions, do not agree with them. You can just as well, in a joking manner, say “you don’t know me well if you think this is so.” The main thing is to make it clear that such manipulation techniques do not work for you. At the same time, there is no need to be afraid that the man will lose interest in you or leave you. On the contrary, he will be interested in it, and he will want to get to know you better.

"I love you"

How to manipulate a person in a conversation - basic rules

The main rule for effectively manipulating people is to use only open gestures, the gaze should be directed into the eyes of the interlocutor, and attention should be completely focused on the conversation. The interlocutor must be allowed to believe exactly what he wants. To do this, you need to carefully guide the conversation in the right direction. A person must draw profitable conclusions on his own.

Under the pretext of asking again, it is necessary to repeat phrases with a slightly distorted meaning. The meaning must be beneficial to the manipulator. Inattentive people usually do not notice this trick and come to an advantageous conclusion.

Before an important conversation, it is better to discuss any topics in which the target fully agrees with the conclusions drawn. This way, the likelihood of his agreement will appear automatically and on the right topic.

The interlocutor needs to be praised and supported in all third-party issues, so he will not be attentive to the desired topic. Additional methods You need to behave coldly, in this case the interlocutor will want to make his personality more interesting in every way and will be able to give out the necessary information. You need to speak with a note of confidence in your voice, since people believe on a subconscious level in what they speak with confidence.

It is better to start a conversation at the wrong moment, since in a hurry the subject will not have time to think. If the subject has a polite character, you can speed up the conversation and compress the time for making an informed decision by showing signs of fatigue.

Weighty arguments play a huge role in a conversation, so it is best to refer to someone’s authoritative opinion, and the opinion may be fictitious. To confuse the target, you can often jump from topic to topic, this will allow the slave’s attention to be distracted from important moments that are not beneficial to him.

How to recognize female manipulation?

A woman’s sensitivity and willingness to come to the rescue in difficult times.
The desire to start a family and have a child.
Shyness and modesty.
Helplessness and the need for male protection and guardianship.
Openness and gullibility, as well as a willingness to forgive and cover up any lie from the lips of a loved one.
Love of communication and desire to be heard.
Low self-esteem and desire to be noticed.
Developed imagination.
The desire to devote oneself to someone or something.
The need for a man, his attention.
The desire to be special, important and valuable to others.

All these qualities are wonderful, because they are what make a woman the one you want to be with. Many men appreciate this in their ladies and admire many of these qualities, but there are also those who use it for their own personal gain without any remorse.

There is no need to become rude and lazy to avoid manipulation. It’s enough to simply understand which man is worthy of you and your love, and which one just wants to take advantage of you for his own purposes and cannot be your other half. Practical psychologist Nadezhda Mayer will help you learn to read men’s thoughts and understand their true motives.

It is worth understanding that the threat of separation is not always a bluff. If a woman simply leaves without throwing a tantrum or making a show of packing up her things, a man should really think about his behavior, because his significant other is determined. But everything that is accompanied by theatrical scenes should not be taken seriously.

She tries to appear overly attractive and charming. If a girl is too kind and compliant, it is quite possible that she will tame you and put you to sleep.
It makes you feel guilty. However, there are no objective reasons for this. If you feel responsible for her bad mood, problems at work, and even her bad hairstyle, then you have fallen into the hands of a manipulative woman.
She always comes out unscathed. Even if you catch her in the act, she will be able to turn the situation in her favor.
How do you know if a woman is manipulating you? She became something of a mentor or even a judge. Considering herself ideal, a woman tries to teach you how to live.
She is always eloquent. Even where a couple of words are enough, the woman gives a whole speech with a lot of wise quotes and conclusions.

World Of Man Dreams

How to influence others? How to develop character, improve interpersonal skills, increase confidence, gain respect and attract the attention of others? Tells

We all want to be surrounded by strong, inspiring and influential people to look up to. Do you want to be one of these people? You can develop character, improve interpersonal skills, increase your credibility, gain respect, and attract the attention of others. Start influencing people.

1. Developing a Strong Character

1.1 Be positive. If you want to become an influencer, you will quickly learn that a positive attitude works better than a negative one. People are drawn to and want to be influenced by those who are friendly and willing to teach, rather than by those who are strict and critical of everyone.

If you're going to criticize someone's work, give advice, or suggest an alternative solution, start with praise. Instead of starting with criticism, say, "That's a great idea, but what if we try something a little different..."

Avoid conversation topics that involve complaints or criticism. Talk about what you like, not about things that annoy you. People are more likely to spend time with someone who likes to have fun and talk about nice things.

1.2 Know your strengths. Influential people are those who know how to leverage their strengths. What do you do well? What do you do better than most other people? Recognizing and highlighting your strengths is a great way to influence others.

If you are your harshest critic, listen to what others have to say. What are you often praised for? What elevates you in the eyes of other people? Try writing a list of your accomplishments and linking each one to something you think you do well. This can be a great and easy way to identify your core strengths.

1.3 Improve your public speaking skills. If you are a man of few words and cannot speak your mind, it will be difficult for you to become an influencer. Influential people learn to speak their minds and voice their ideas clearly and in just a few words. You must be convincing.

Speak clearly and loudly when you want to get attention. Don't shout down others, but make sure you can be heard. It's hard to influence someone when you're mumbling.

1.4 Be an expert in your field. If you want to influence others, you need much more than just nice words and manipulative skills. There must be specific skills and expertise behind your words. You must back up your words with action, this will strengthen your influence.

If you want to influence friends, co-workers or family members, take extra time to study and research the topics you talk about and the things you do, from work to hobbies. Stay up to date, always one step ahead and apply knowledge in practice.

Be “higher, faster, stronger.” Be the first to arrive at the office and the last to leave. Spend extra time on everyday matters and let your actions speak for you. Make an effort to be the best at everything you do. Even if it doesn't work out, your efforts will have an impact.

1.5 Be charismatic. Charisma is an important component of influence. It's hard to say how to develop something that's hard to define, but a big part of charisma is the ability to feel at ease. Charisma is self-confidence. To influence others, be relaxed, confident in what you say, confident in your position, and that your words matter.

Make the ordinary interesting.

Being charismatic is no more difficult than knowing when to remain silent. Create a slight aura of mystery around yourself by staying out of the conversation instead of participating in the conversation as usual, and you will be surprised. People will be curious to know your opinion. Influence in silence.

1.6 Be persuasive. It is easier to influence others when your arguments are plausible, consistent and convincing. In everything from the way you carry yourself to the way you speak, project an image of someone who is trustworthy.

Admit your mistakes. Influential people also know when to admit when they are wrong and discard a bad idea or flawed argument. Being influential does not mean always being right or convincing others that you are right when they are not.

1.7 Inspire people. A person who inspires, inspires confidence and trust in others, influences their decisions, spreading confidence around them. You don't have to be the smartest, the best, or the loudest. People should feel that communicating with you is beneficial to them. Easier said than done, but the ability to inspire is often the sum of many other abilities that make you influential. Be positive, speak well and you will inspire others.

2. Influence on others

2.1 Identify who you most need to influence. If you want to expand your influence, it's important to take the time to determine who is more important than others. Whether you are at the top of power or at the bottom of the social hierarchy, choose people who matter and can influence the situation, or those who will follow you and share your ideas.

Don't waste your time on people who don't matter. There is no point in influencing everyone with whom life brings you. If your coworker has no power over you, is uncooperative, and annoys you, ignore him.

2.2 Be honest. Truth and influence go hand in hand. Make it your goal to be as honest as possible with the people you want to influence. If you don't like an idea a colleague comes to you with, be honest and tell him so as kindly as possible. Don't gloss over inconvenient truths, set yourself the goal of being truthful, and people will respect you.

Directness can be off-putting, or it can be encouraging and influential. But it is important to develop a sense of tact and feel the line between honesty and the danger of hurting someone's feelings.

2.3 Establish rapport in conversation. When you interact with people face to face, practice building rapport and establishing an atmosphere of trust. Good communication skills involve more than saying the right things. To build rapport, make sure you:

Maintain distance and boundaries of personal space Look people in the eyes Breathe evenly and speak in a calm tone Choose the right words

2.4 Learn to anticipate the behavior of others. If you can guess in advance what a person will say, it will be easier for you to influence. Work on organizing your thoughts and thinking about what to say in advance so you don't have to think and speak at the same time, choosing words on the fly. Anticipate the reactions and responses of others so that you can think first and speak later.

2.5 Be willing to cooperate. Negotiating and finding solutions is an important part of being influential. Working together to find the best ideas makes others feel like you're willing to listen and hear. Make sure you take into account several possible options and give others the opportunity to provide input. Make it a team task.

Let others claim your ideas as their own. If you are confident that you have the correct answer, demonstrate your reasoning, but do not announce your final conclusion yet. When someone understands what you're getting at, praise their great idea, even if it's actually your idea.

3. Gaining influence

3.1 Remember names. Little things matter. There's no surer way to lose someone's affection than to say something like, "Oh, sorry, I'm so bad at remembering names." Don't be like that. Be the one who only needs to hear a name once, then talk to anyone from the mailman to the CEO as if you've known each other for years.

3.2 Listen actively when others speak. Look people in the eyes, nod when you agree, focus on the conversation. Get involved and listen carefully, you will be much more influential in conversations. Others are more likely to tell you the truth and be open if you are a good listener.

You don't have to pretend to listen attentively, really pay attention. We've all had bosses who nod along but can't make sense of what we just told them. Don't act like that. Really listen carefully to the other person and think about what they are saying to you. Don't just wait for your turn to speak.

3.3 Tap into other people's creativity. People like to feel unique, like they have good ideas that are interesting to others. If you want to influence someone, do not appeal to a sense of duty, greed, passion - appeal to the creative side of a person. Give people the opportunity to come up with new ideas and be creative, and the opportunity to share those ideas.

Praise creative concepts even if they don't meet expectations. If you have a friend who came up with a radically new idea for a small business but failed, praise his resourcefulness. Celebrate small failures.

3.4 Don't be shy about asking. If you want to influence others, lead them in the direction you want. If your boss can give you the raise you want, tell your boss you want the raise at the right time. There's no point in beating around the bush. Get straight to the point and speak from the heart. If you have good reasons and are powerful enough, you will have a better chance of getting what you want. You will never know the answer unless you ask.

Adviсe

Decide what you are trying to achieve. Prepare a clear plan of what you want. According to the type of perception, people are divided into three categories: visual, auditory and kinesthetic. There are signs that will serve as clues for you. Visual learners will say something like, “Did you see the latest news?”, while auditory learners might say, “Did you hear the latest news?” A kinesthetic learner will say, “I feel like...” if emotions are being discussed. These signals will tell you how to communicate with people to influence them. Try using language patterns according to the Milton model. Two main categories of language patterns: cause and effect, preconditions. Explore the sales technique of selling anything to anyone. If you want someone to pick out an envelope, for example, you can make it more attractive by bringing it forward when the person is looking at the item. The person will feel as if he made the choice himself. You can also pause and speak a little louder when you say the number of the envelope you want the person to choose. If you want the person to agree with you, nod. People won’t notice this, but their subconscious will.

How women manipulate sex

There is a common belief that men do not think with their heads at all, that they are guided by sexual instinct. If this is true, it makes sense how women manipulate their partners. It is worth clearly understanding that sex is not just a path to pleasure. In the hands of a skilled manipulator, it becomes a powerful tool for achieving goals.

A great example is family relationships. If a husband is guilty of something, he can hardly count on love and affection. With all her appearance, the spouse will demonstrate that there will be no intimacy until the man corrects his mistake. Considering that representatives of the stronger sex are quite impatient in this regard, they are ready to make concessions.

But there is another side to this issue. Sex can act as a reward. For example, a promotion at work, a valuable gift or a trip to a restaurant can be marked by stormy caresses. Naturally, a man will strive to please his beloved as often as possible in order to receive such a pleasant reward.

But there is also a third aspect. Sex is a way to achieve what you want. In this case, it is not at all necessary to transfer the question to a horizontal plane. So, at an interview where a man is the boss, the position is more likely to be given to a spectacular beauty in a provocative outfit than to a simpleton in inconspicuous clothes. And when it comes to family relationships, stormy nights usually occur before or after some request (for example, buying a fur coat).

Characteristics of a manipulative man

Most manipulators have these qualities:

Consumer attitude. The only thing that interests a man is meeting his needs and fulfilling his desires. As for the experiences and interests of a woman, this is not at all important to him. He can easily say the following: “you are selfish”, “you only care about yourself”, “you don’t love me, if you did, then...”. As a rule, such men grew up in dysfunctional families, where the mother or father did their best to compensate for the divorce and spoiled the child.
Reluctance to start a family and raise children. Selfish men are focused on satisfying themselves, and they are unable to take responsibility for anyone else. The relationship with such a chosen one will last as long as the woman succumbs to manipulation. As soon as she demands reciprocal love, the relationship is over.
Openness, artistry, high self-esteem. Manipulators know how to attract attention and charm. Already in the first minutes of communication, they win a woman’s heart and win her over. The ability to present yourself beautifully and present your strengths helps a man achieve success with virtually any woman.
The ability to listen, give compliments and promise without promising. Manipulators are true masters of words. They know how to notice a woman’s unique features, listen to her experiences and thoughts, and they also professionally use associations in compliments. It would seem that with him the woman will be happy and prosperous, but in fact he does not owe anything to his chosen one and will disappear at the first opportunity. Everyone knows that women love with their ears, and therefore men use it professionally.
Balance and rationality. Real masters of manipulation know how to control not only a woman’s emotions, but also their own. They do not give in to emotional outbursts and constantly keep everything under control.
Closedness. A woman in love thinks that she has an ideal relationship with her chosen one. They spend hours talking on the phone, walking in the park and having dinner at a restaurant. However, if you ask something personal about a man, for example, where he works, how much he earns, what the names of his parents are, then she will not be able to say anything. Manipulators look for weaknesses in order to take advantage of them, but under no circumstances open themselves.

We suggest you read: Capricorn man and Capricorn woman in bed

How to learn to manage people from a distance

In our modern world, there is often not enough time and energy, but this time and energy can be taken from others if you learn to manage people at a distance and realize what is needed for this. Most, of course, don’t think about it and continue to go to work they don’t like, which brings nothing but money. But you can change everything and make your life happier and more successful by taking some time and energy from other people who like to do what you need or who just need money.

Psychologists have studied this issue, and today in this article they will provide you with only the most important and effective tips that will help you learn how to manage people . Try and put the tips into practice, and you yourself will be able to analyze their effectiveness and simplify your life.

For what purpose do you want to learn how to manage people?

Everyone must decide why and for what purpose; in general, he needs to manage people. There are many goals for this, but not everyone realizes what they want. Just learning how to manage people is pointless and will not bring any benefit to your life. Decide why you need to manage people, or better yet, make a list of reasons why you want to do this. Many people want to learn how to manage people, at school, at work, in business or in everyday life. To manage all people, you need to spend a lifetime learning. Therefore, first, decide on your goal, and whether it is important for this goal to manage people.

First, start managing yourself and your time.

To learn how to manage people at a distance , you must first learn how to manage yourself and your time. Because you simply cannot understand the basic principles associated with management. Learning to manage time is quite simple, you just need to choose what is important to your life, make a schedule and live as best and as efficiently as possible for 24 hours. But if a person cannot control and manage himself, it means that you lack discipline, motivation and you do not yet know how to manage your life. Until you learn to manage yourself and your time, you will not succeed. An easy and effective way to start managing yourself is to create a dream or set a big goal. Then your dream and goal will be a teacher for you, who will tell you what to do, what books to read, who to communicate with in order to achieve this goal or dream. Just understand what you need and strive for it, then you can learn everything that your dream and goal will require of you.

Those who do not have a goal will always work for those who have one.

Remember this truth for the rest of your life, as it is truly effective. To learn how to manage people, you need to set a goal, and then these people will work for you, and your goal will teach you how to manage them. If you don't have a goal, you will work for someone who does. The choice is before you today, and until you make a decision, nothing will change. People simply won’t want to obey someone who doesn’t know what he wants from life. Therefore, engage in self-development, study yourself and set goals, then everything will happen by itself. Everything is much simpler than you think.

Understand what people need

If you already know what you want and have set a specific goal, then in order to manage people, you need to understand what they need. It is impossible to force someone to do something; you need to offer something that this person cannot refuse. Decide what group of people you want to manage, understand what this group wants and start acting. Find something your group of people just can't give up. If you don't know about this, then start studying more carefully people, types of people, their thinking, their principles, their desires and fears. After this, you can easily give people what they need and get what you want from them.

Respect, love and appreciate people

Managing people should not be associated with fear, manipulation, propaganda and disrespect, as many bad people do in our modern times. You need to learn to love, appreciate and respect the people who surround you, then they themselves come to be with you and do joint work. Create a team, not slaves, because a friendly team will work more efficiently, with joy and happiness, which will allow you to do everything better and faster than those who created slaves, and not a team. Respect people and be open with them, become a friend to them and then you will see what power you will master. Rigidity, violence and discipline have never led to anything good. People should get what they want and do what you need with joy, desire and the desire to do better, better and faster. You will never force a person to do something. Until he himself shows a passionate desire.

Become more confident and believe in yourself

The only thing that separates a person from his success is fear and uncertainty. This is what prevents people from starting their path to success and prosperity. You need to pull yourself together, set a goal and take action, so you can learn how to manage people without much effort. Don't associate managing people with bad things, as it will end sadly. You should not have a goal aimed specifically at managing people, your goal should be what you want to achieve in life and what to do, and managing people will come to you on its own, along the road to success. But if the goal is chosen incorrectly, nothing will happen. Respect people and they will reach out to you.

If you have questions or additions to the article, write in the comments.

ADVICE FROM A PSYCHOLOGIST

Answers on questions

You can change any person, it just depends on whether you are willing to invest a huge amount of time and effort into it. As a rule, behind such behavior lies childhood or youth trauma, for example, improper upbringing or constant bullying at school. In some cases, a man truly falls in love and changes over time, but more often than not, such behavior becomes a way of life.

The first thing I would like to note is that under no circumstances should you start a scandal or accuse him of manipulation, because you will not be able to substantiate your statements. If you want to wean him from this behavior, then simply do not give in to manipulation and periodically use his own methods to make him feel like he is in your place.

Analyze his behavior, pay attention to what goals he is pursuing. If all his actions and words are aimed at obtaining the desired result, then this is pure manipulation. If he really loves you and does it for the sake of your smile and happy eyes, then you shouldn’t classify his actions as manipulation.

4) Question

For example, “Why do you think this would be a good idea?” or “What benefits will this have?” This seems obvious, but if you allow someone to convince themselves, they will be more confident in the future that it was their idea in the first place.

We can all become puppets under certain conditions, but if you are aware of who is pulling the strings, you can at least try to resist.

You can read the original article in English on the BBC Future website.

How to manipulate a man with words

How to manipulate people with words and get what you want: the dark side of the Force

In this article we want to talk about how to manipulate people with words. Let’s say right away that our goal is not to make everyone reading this article a great manipulator. Excessive enthusiasm for this matter can do more harm than good. However, sometimes you really want to get what you want!

Regardless of the type, in relationships between people, one is always manipulating (or trying to do so). Another thing is that there are cases when the object of manipulation clearly realizes that he is being influenced, and simply for some reason gives in to the manipulator. The most striking example from this series is relationships with children. Indeed, in most cases we understand that they play on our feelings, but we still give in.

Children are generally the best manipulators. Which parent has not at least once in their life experienced the effect of the gaze of the “cat from Shrek”? Or unhappy eyes full of tears? Or outright hysterics? Or big, big love “all the way to the sky”? To achieve what he wants, the child does exactly what affects his mother, father, grandmother or grandfather.

This is the essence of all manipulations: everything we say or do should carry sincerity or touch the soul. Therefore, manipulation is an art plus certain technologies. And if you are not able to own all this, then it is better not to take this path. At a minimum, there will simply be no result. But there may be a complete break without the possibility of restoring any relationship.

So, what do they usually play? First of all, of course, on love. Phrases like: “I know you love me”, “if you love me, then” and others are designed to play on this feeling. This method works flawlessly both in relationships with a woman and a man. If you season it all with appropriate intonation, facial expressions and gestures, then getting what you want will not be difficult.

The essence of the manipulation is that a loving heart, in principle, cannot refuse. And such code phrases trigger a chain of conclusions in a person’s head, leading to the idea that one must prove one’s love. However, the abuse of such manipulation will sooner or later lead to a completely opposite effect.

An equally effective remedy is praise and compliments. This technique works flawlessly with the female sex. As you know, girls always love with their ears. Especially when men delight the ears. And hearing words addressed to us about how wonderful, kind, gentle, beautiful, sexy, etc. we are, no one is able to resist.

And if a loved one praises our culinary abilities, or our ability to behave in the company of his friends, or our sense of humor, or... whatever! For every woman, any praise or compliment is a confirmation of her inner conviction of her irresistibility and exclusivity. Yes, we will move mountains for such confirmation!

Another effective way of verbal manipulation is flattery. It has something in common with the previous one. But there is a fundamental difference: flattery does not always truthfully reflect the real state of affairs, often exaggerating a person’s merits and merits. And yet, it also acts on the secret desires of every person to be recognized and appreciated.

This is basically why most women use this method of manipulation in relation to their beloved man. Oddly enough, it is the stronger sex who is more susceptible to flattery than the weaker sex. But since flattery is recognized quite quickly, it must be subtle and strictly dosed. Otherwise, you risk being rude. Nobody likes flattery that is too frank. It is simply perceived as bullying.

The most common and difficult to recognize method of verbal manipulation is the constant repetition of the same thing. The human brain is designed in such a way that any, even the most incredible and crazy thought, heard more than once, over time begins to be perceived as truth. And if you also learn to correctly place words in a sentence and master intonation, then you can convince anyone and anything.

This manipulation technique is used by all media around the world. The whole catch is that in most cases a person does not even realize that he is being manipulated, and with any attempt to open his eyes, he rears up. But learning to use this method is no less difficult.

And in conclusion, we want to say the most important thing. Of course, each method of manipulation is effective in its own way and even justified in some cases. And yet there is no better way to achieve what you want from a loved one than sincerity, love and understanding.

Forcing other people to do what is beneficial to you is a dream that can come true. If at the same time those around you think that this is their volitional decision, and not manipulation, then the fact of hypnosis and NLP programming is obvious. How to learn to manipulate people? This knowledge can be mastered by anyone who is willing to pay attention to what they say and practice constantly.

We suggest you read: If you ignore an Aquarius man

Body and body language - an arsenal for hypnosis and NLP

To influence a person, you need to establish contact with him. This can be done not only verbally, but also at the level of gestures, postures, and breathing. Only by creating a connection between yourself and another person can you understand how to manipulate people. Psychology advises to unobtrusively copy a person, thereby winning him over. Here are some effective ways to tune in to your interlocutor.

Take a position similar to your opponent's. If his arms and legs are crossed, then he is not ready for influence. Repeat his pose, and then change it to a more open one. This will encourage the other person to follow your example.
As if you accidentally enter a person's personal space, touch their arm, shoulder or head. If you choose the right moment, the interlocutor will not suspect anything, but his consciousness will begin to perceive you more favorably.
Try to blink and breathe at the same pace as your opponent. This will help you find a contact that will go unnoticed by others.
Watch for changes in your interlocutor's posture while talking to him. If you stumble in your choice of words, his body will immediately take a closed position. Grasp this fact and adjust your actions.

How to manipulate people with words

Competent, careful, precise speech is the main weapon of manipulators. Moreover, the content of the conversation, which can be used to subjugate a person to your will, may be the simplest. There are no magic words. The importance of the impact lies in its timeliness and relevance to the person being manipulated. You will have to use trial and error to select the “keys” for each person. But there are preparations that can work in most cases. Let's learn how to manipulate people with words.

There are a lot of methods of influencing your interlocutor. Many people use them intuitively. Manipulation for good is the professional equipment of psychologists. They are the ones who can simultaneously influence the client’s feelings, thoughts, desires, and subconscious. But ethics will never allow a psychologist to intentionally harm a person.

Do you want to manipulate a man so that he even likes it? Learn some basic wordplay. It’s not difficult, the main thing is to grasp the essence of this game and fix some phrases in your memory.

Some women and men use these phrases intuitively (as did one of my childhood friends, who, despite her rather modest appearance, was the object of adoration for half the school), others use them quite consciously and no less successfully. I started collecting these magic words when I was still a schoolgirl, you get everything ready on a silver platter.

Each of us may have our own unique style of dialogue, but sometimes it’s not easy to find the words, but we need to speak immediately. After all, what happens when you are not given time to think? You hastily blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

1. Help you not to get confused when pressure is placed on you; deftly avoid a direct answer.

2. Arouse interest in yourself, without giving unnecessary information about yourself.

3. Bring your interlocutor to the surface: patterns clarify the situation for you and blur it for him.

4. Direct the conversation in the right direction.

5. Identify common interests faster.

6. Make your dialogue with a man more exciting.

7. Instill in a man the thought you need.

What manipulative patterns cannot do!

Manipulative patterns are temporary crutches that need to be discarded after you have gained the experience you need. Manipulative patterns cannot cancel out your brain! It is important to understand the essence of things and only relying on the Essence to adjust words to it. Manipulate wisely!

Artem Sazykin - The art of manipulating people. Ericksonian hypnosis in practice

Artem Sazykin

The art of manipulating people: Ericksonian hypnosis in practice

Introduction

Every time I take your wrist and lift your arm slightly, it will be a signal for you to do something: say, move your other hand, or tilt your head, or sleep soundly - it doesn't matter, but every time you receive such a signal, you will be ready to complete the task.

Milton Erickson

Our life is constant manipulation. We encounter them everywhere - at work, on the street, in the family, among friends. How to resist them? Or maybe you are interested in how to influence people yourself and thereby achieve your goals? Most people want to be successful in different areas of life, and success largely depends on the kind of relationships we build in society. To be able to convince others that you are right, to quietly impose your opinion, to defend yourself from the influence of others - these are just some of the skills that you will learn as a result of mastering hypnosis. Over the many years of its existence, it has acquired many myths and legends. Some people don’t believe in him, while others fall into a stupor at the mere mention of him. Many people consider hypnosis to be something supernatural and dangerous; they are afraid of being under its influence. You may have heard some people say that they are not hypnotizable when it comes to hypnosis. This is just a naive assumption and a pathetic attempt to convince yourself of this. Although it was previously believed that not everyone can be hypnotized, now, in our time, we can confidently say that this is not the case. With the help of this book you will get acquainted and, most importantly, LEARN TO USE a new and more advanced type of hypnosis - ERICKSON HYPNOSIS. What is discussed in this book is a powerful weapon. And a lot depends on the purpose for which it will be used. I decided to write this book based on good intentions, but the whole question is who will get it into the hands of.

This book will be interesting and useful to psychologists, psychotherapists, managers at various levels, teachers, intelligence officers, negotiators, PR specialists, journalists, lawyers and all those who want to succeed in life. I have tried to write this book in an accessible and informative way. All hypnotic techniques present here have been tested in practice. And I can assure you that they work. My task was to give as much verified and accurate information as possible and as little “water” as possible, which literally “leaks out” from most books on hypnosis, NLP and psychology in general.

Among psychologists there is a strange and rather cowardly opinion that a psychologist should not advise a client anything. Often those who say this are afraid of responsibility for their work. This can be compared to the case when a patient with a fever comes to the doctor and asks for help, and the doctor tells him: “Of course, you can take an antipyretic or a sedative, but maybe you need something else, ask on the forum in the Internet". Believe me, from the outside it looks something like this. Remember: if you decide to understand the psychology of people and master hypnosis, you automatically take responsibility. I think the fact that you decided to study hypnosis speaks of you as a person who knows what he needs and is willing to do something about it, and therefore this book is for you.

Chapter 1

What is Ericksonian hypnosis and in what areas is it used?

First, let's define what Ericksonian hypnosis is and how it came to be.

Initially, Ericksonian hypnosis was a new type of hypnotherapy and psychotherapy, which gained its popularity in the 80s of the 20th century in the USA. It owes its name to psychotherapist, MD Milton Erickson (1901–1980).

Milton Erickson was from a hardworking, poor family and spent his entire childhood on his parents' farm. At the age of 17, he suffered from polio and stopped walking, but was able to recover himself using the system he developed. He began to develop the skill of an observer - he began to pay attention to the behavior of his loved ones, to how a person’s verbal signals differ from non-verbal ones. He was trying to learn to walk again after watching his little sister learn to walk. Erickson did what doctors refused to believe - he forced his body to move with the power of thought. However, already at a fairly mature age, he again suffered from polio, from which he was no longer able to fully recover, and in recent years he was confined to a wheelchair. Erickson completely lacked an ear for music, he absolutely could not distinguish sounds by pitch, but despite this, he learned to master his voice, which became his faithful instrument when working with patients. In addition, Erickson could not distinguish colors except purple. But he was able to use this to his advantage in experiments on hypnosis. He described one of these experiences in his article “Hypnotic suggestion of color hallucinations followed by pseudo-negative sequential images.” Colored hallucinations were induced in subjects looking at a white sheet of paper in a trance state. Then they were shown a completely different white sheet, on which the subjects saw a consistent image of another color. The sheets of paper were held by Erickson himself, who could not imagine colors either in a trance or in a normal state and, accordingly, could not influence the course of the experiment in any way.

The example of this wonderful man, who had serious health problems, suggests that anyone can achieve success in life: the main thing is to find yourself in a certain area.

In 1936, Milton Erickson wrote a paper outlining the results of his experiment with the word association test. The essence of the experiment was that a person unconsciously makes an associative connection to a stimulus word (any word given by a psychologist) with the words that describe his problem. For example, in response to the stimulus word “stomach,” the subject gave the following words: big, worry, baby, afraid, operation, illness, forgotten. It was information about her unwanted pregnancy that she did not remember. Using reverse logic, Erickson realized that the therapist could reverse the entire process and send a disguised message to the client in the form of a story. It was then that he came up with the idea of creating a special language of hypnosis, with the help of which suggestion is carried out gently, without violence, bypassing the patient’s consciousness. The components of this hypnotic language are poetry, imagery, diversity of information provided to the conscious and subconscious, and respect for the client’s wishes.

Erickson conducted a huge number of experiments with hypnosis; he described many of his experiences in his work “Strategy of Psychotherapy.” The colorfulness, entertainment and effectiveness of his work could amaze anyone. In this book you can find many interesting techniques he used in his work, and apply them in any area of life that interests you.

Throughout his life, Dr. Erickson practiced the trance state, which was later named Ericksonian hypnosis in his honor. The works of this man were appreciated by scientists from different countries, and currently these ideas and methods are beginning to dominate modern psychotherapy.

Ericksonian hypnosis opens up the broadest possibilities in psychotherapeutic medicine. Conventional psychological techniques increase their effectiveness many times over if they are performed in a trance state. This becomes possible because in such a state there is no controlling role of consciousness. Based on this, it becomes possible to work with psychosomatic disorders such as stuttering, impotence, enuresis (urinary incontinence), allergies, migraines, cardiac arrhythmia, and many other diseases that a person is often simply unable to cope with in a normal state of consciousness. The trance state makes it possible to selectively work with healthy layers of the psyche without affecting the damaged ones, thereby gradually “growing” the necessary health resources. The use of hypnosis as an enhancer of therapeutic action helps a psychotherapist, psychologist or psychiatrist to work more effectively, and also makes it possible to use this method almost everywhere.

It is worth noting that the ideas of Ericksonian hypnosis are currently used in advertising, pickup, election campaigns, negotiations at different levels and other fields of activity where influencing the consciousness and subconscious of people is important. A huge part of the fashionable NLP trend [1] is based precisely on the work of Milton Erickson. This man was truly unique and, despite the fact that he was not rich, he left behind a huge inheritance, from which each of us can take any part of it. Everything will depend only on our desire.

What to remember

Men are in no way inferior to women in the field of manipulation, so be vigilant and do not believe every word they say. Remember:

Men know women's weaknesses and use them for their own purposes.
Compliments and declarations of love are not always a sincere expression of feelings.
A truly loving man will not stop loving you if you refuse him something.
It’s easy to identify manipulation - you need to determine what motives the man is pursuing.
Do not waste time and energy on a selfish person, because it is very difficult to change such people, and in some cases, impossible.
Not all men manipulate, some sincerely love and want to please their beloved, and therefore there is no need to be too critical and strict towards the chosen one.
The ability to bypass manipulation without scandals and quarrels will help maintain relationships and stir up a man’s interest in himself.

During the period of falling in love, women often do not notice the manipulation and blindly trust every word of their chosen one. As a result, at the beginning of the relationship there is a sea of emotions and happiness, and at the end - tears and disappointment. Learn to take control of your emotions and do not let men into your life who are incapable of caring for and loving anyone other than themselves.

Psychological tricks: how to influence people

Before we begin, it is worth noting that none of the methods listed below fall under what can be called the “dark art of influencing” people. Anything that could harm a person or affect his dignity is not included here. These are ways in which you can win friends and influence people using psychology without making anyone feel bad about themselves.

10 psychological tricks

Ask for a Favor Trick: Ask someone to do a favor for you (known as the Benjamin Franklin effect). Legend has it that Benjamin Franklin once wanted to win the favor of a man who didn't like him. He asked the man to lend him a rare book, and when he received it, he thanked him very kindly. As a result, the man who didn't really want to even talk to Franklin became friends with him. In the words of Franklin: “He who has once done you a good deed will be more disposed to do something good for you again than one to whom you yourself are indebted.” Scientists decided to test this theory, and eventually found that those people whom the researcher asked for a personal favor were much more favorable towards the specialist compared to other groups of people.

Influence on human behavior

Aim Higher The trick: always ask for more than you initially need, and then lower the bar. This technique is sometimes called the “door-in-the-face approach.” You turn to a person with a request that is really too high, which he will most likely refuse. After that, you return with a “lower rank” request, namely with what you actually need from this person. This trick may seem counterintuitive to you, but the idea is that the person will feel bad after rejecting you. However, he will explain this to himself as the unreasonableness of the request. Therefore, the next time you turn to him with your real need, he will feel obligated to help you. Scientists, after testing this principle in practice, came to the conclusion that it actually works, because the person who is first approached with a very “big” request, and then return to him and ask for a small one, he feels that it is he who should help you.

The influence of a name on a person

Use Names Trick: Use the person's name or their job title depending on the situation. Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, believes that mentioning a person's name frequently in conversation is incredibly important. He emphasizes that a person’s name in any language is the sweetest combination of sounds for him. Carnegie says that a name is the main component of human identity, therefore, when we hear it, we once again receive confirmation of our importance. This is why we feel more positive towards a person who confirms our importance in the world. However, using a title or other form of address in a speech can also have a strong impact. The idea is that if you behave like a certain type of person, then you will become that person. This is somewhat like a prophecy. To use this technique to influence other people, you can address them as you would like them to be. As a result, they will begin to think of themselves in this way. It’s very simple, if you want to get closer to a certain person, then call him “friend” or “comrade” more often. Or, when referring to someone you would like to work for, you can call him “boss.” But keep in mind that sometimes this can backfire on you.

The influence of words on a person

Flatter The trick: Flattery can get you where you need to go. This may seem obvious at first glance, but there are some important caveats. To begin with, it is worth noting that if flattery is not sincere, then it will most likely do more harm than good. However, scientists who have studied flattery and people's reactions to it have discovered several very important things. Simply put, people always try to maintain cognitive balance by trying to organize their thoughts and feelings in a similar way. Therefore, if you flatter a person whose self-esteem is high, and the flattery is sincere, he will like you more, because the flattery will coincide with what he thinks about himself. However, if you flatter someone whose self-esteem is suffering, there may be negative consequences. It is likely that he will treat you worse because it does not intersect with how he perceives himself. Of course, this does not mean that a person with low self-esteem should be humiliated.

Ways to influence people

Mirror other people's behavior The trick: mirror the other person's behavior. Mirroring behavior is also known as mimicry, and it is something that certain types of people have in their nature. People with this skill are called chameleons because they try to blend in with their environment by copying others' behavior, mannerisms, and even speech. However, this skill can be used quite deliberately and is a great way to get liked. Researchers studied mimicry and found that those who were copied had very favorable attitudes towards the person who copied them. Experts also came to another, more interesting conclusion. They found that people who had role models had much more favorable attitudes toward people in general, even those who weren't involved in the study. It is likely that the reason for this reaction lies in the following. Having someone who mirrors your behavior validates your worth. People feel more confident in themselves, thus they are happier and have good attitude towards other people.

Psychology of influencing people

Take advantage of fatigue Trick: ask for a favor when you see that the person is tired. When a person is tired, he becomes more receptive to any information, be it a simple statement about something or a request. The reason is that when a person gets tired, it is not only on the physical level, his mental energy reserves are also depleted. When you make a request to a tired person, most likely you will not get a definite answer right away, but will hear: “I will do it tomorrow,” because he will not want to make any decisions at the moment. The next day, most likely, the person will actually comply with your request, because on a subconscious level, most people try to keep their word, so we make sure that what we say matches what we do.

Psychological influence on a person

Offer something that the other person can't refuse. The trick: start the conversation with something that the other person can't refuse, and you will achieve what you need. This is the flip side of the door-in-the-face approach. Instead of starting the conversation with a request, you start with something small. As soon as a person agrees to help you in small ways, or simply agrees to something, you can use the “heavy artillery.” Experts have tested this theory using marketing approaches. They started by asking people to show their support for protecting the rainforests and the environment, which is a very simple request. Once support has been received, scientists have found that it is now much easier to convince people to buy products that contribute to this support. However, you should not start with one request and immediately move on to another. Psychologists have found that it is much more effective to take a break of 1-2 days.

Techniques for influencing people

Stay Calm The trick: Don't correct someone when they're wrong. In his famous book, Carnegie also emphasized that one should not tell people that they are wrong. This, as a rule, will lead to nothing, and you will simply fall out of favor with this person. There is actually a way to show disagreement while still having a polite conversation, without telling anyone that they are wrong, but by striking the other person's ego to the core. The method was invented by Ray Ransberger and Marshall Fritz. The idea is quite simple: instead of arguing, listen to what the person is saying and then try to understand how they feel and why. You should then explain to the person the points you share with them and use that as a starting point to clarify your position. This will make him more sympathetic to you and he will be more likely to listen to what you have to say without losing face.

The influence of people on each other

Repeat the words of your interlocutor The trick: paraphrase what the person says and repeat what he said. This is one of the most amazing ways to influence other people. This way you show your interlocutor that you really understand him, capture his feelings and your empathy is sincere. That is, by paraphrasing the words of your interlocutor, you will achieve his favor very easily. This phenomenon is known as reflective listening. Research has shown that when doctors use this technique, people open up more to them and their “collaboration” is more fruitful. It's easy to use when chatting with friends too. If you listen to what they say and then paraphrase what they said, forming a question for confirmation, they will feel very comfortable with you. You will have a stronger friendship and they will listen more actively to what you have to say because you have managed to show that you care about them.

Methods of influencing people

Nod your head A trick: nod your head a little during a conversation, especially if you want to ask your interlocutor for something. Scientists have found that when a person nods while listening to someone, they are more likely to agree with what is being said. They also found that if the person you are talking to nods, most of the time you will also nod. This is understandable because people often unconsciously imitate the behavior of another person, especially one with whom interaction will benefit them. So if you want to add weight to what you say, nod regularly while speaking. The person you're talking to will have a hard time not nodding and will start to feel positive about the information you're presenting without even realizing it.

Women's pain points

It’s not hard to guess why a man manipulates a woman. He pursues some interests that can have both material and sensual overtones. However, in order to successfully manipulate a member of the opposite sex, you need to know the pain points, by pressing on which you can cause anger, pity, love, compassion and a whole fireworks of feelings. The weak points of women include:

Sensitivity and sacrifice are feelings inherent in any woman from birth. Seeing the suffering of another person, most of the fair sex cannot stay away.
Maternal instinct is also an innate quality. It manifests itself in caring not only for children, but also for those people who are weaker than themselves.
Shyness and embarrassment are aimed at preserving strength and energy. Because of this natural quality, women do not always decide not only to realize their needs, but even to express them.
Feelings such as helplessness and dependence have historical rather than natural roots. Even self-sufficient ladies transmit this feeling at the level of instincts.
Emotionality and openness are characteristics based on physiology. We are talking about the development and activity of the right hemisphere of the brain. This leads to the man manipulating the woman's feelings.
The need for communication is the most powerful trump card for a man. Simply by being able to listen, he can achieve a lot from a representative of the fair sex.
The desire to be needed by others forces a woman to be a beauty, a good housewife and an excellent specialist. However, sometimes this trait is often used by manipulators.
Low self-esteem is associated with stereotypical thinking. Despite the fact that we live in a modern society, many people do not want to give up the idea that a woman is a second-class citizen.
A rich imagination is one of the main pain points of a woman. A small hint or a meaningless statement can become a reason for large-scale reflection. Experienced manipulators successfully use this factor.

Henrik Fexeus - The Art of Manipulation. How to read other people's thoughts and control them discreetly

3 …

And lastly, everything contained in this book was not invented by me. All this was invented before me by such giants of thought as Milton H. Erickson, Richard Bandler and John Grinder, Desmond Morris and Paul Ekman, Ernest Dichter, Vance Packard, William Sargent, Philip Zimbardo, William James and others. Without them this book would not exist.

Let's begin!

Chapter two

In which you learn to speak English, ride a bike and make friends without saying a single word.

Rapport

What is it and why is it needed

Learning to understand the thoughts of other people, first of all, is necessary to create rapport (French rapport). This concept has nothing to do with either the military word “report” or journalistic reporting. Rapport is an internationally accepted term2 used to describe nonverbal communication, which we will use. We establish rapport when communicating with people, regardless of whether it is a friendly or business conversation, a presentation of a new project, or flirting with a pretty cashier at the supermarket. In all of these cases, we need to establish rapport to be successful.

The French word “rapport” comes from “rapprochement”, which means “creating (recreating) harmony and friendliness in relationships.” In other words, establishing rapport means creating trust with another person, encouraging him to cooperate with us, sympathize with us, empathize and share his thoughts. A useful skill, isn't it?

Rapport is the basis of good communication, at least if you want your words to be listened to. If you want to convey a message or request to another person (even if that other person is your child whom you are asking to unload the dishwasher) without first establishing rapport, you may not expect to be heard. Rapport is a guarantee of good relationships (not excluding love ones); without it, don’t even try to start flirting - nothing will work anyway.

We are always trying to establish rapport with the people around us, and sometimes we succeed, sometimes we don’t. By studying successful cases, we can learn to establish rapport even with people who are opposed to us. Paradoxical as it may seem, most often our career, future and even personal life depend on people who do not like us. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the big boss, at least once in his life, understood exactly what you mean and what your proposal is, and began to have at least a little respect for you.

“What does rapport have to do with mind reading?” - you ask. The most direct thing. By observing people and creating rapport, you learn to see more: how they think, how they look at the world, how they feel. It is at this moment that mind reading begins.

The basic rule for establishing rapport

You will be surprised to know how simple it is. Don't laugh: this rule is based on a deep understanding of how humans function. So, the main rule for creating rapport: you need to adapt to the communication that your interlocutor carries out. Anyone who has worked in the field of advertising knows that the rules of the game are always determined by the end consumer. The same thing is present in communication, and now we will look at this in more detail.

By adapting to another person, you gain two advantages at once. Firstly, it is easier for your interlocutor to understand what you are talking about because you speak a language of similar nonverbal communication. His subconscious doesn't try to translate your signals into conceptual symbols because you both already speak the same language. The interlocutor no longer needs to “filter” the information coming from you, which means that the risk of misunderstanding is close to zero.

The second advantage is that the interlocutor begins to feel sympathy for you. This is easily explained: by adapting to the type of communication of another person, you thereby demonstrate that you are like him (or her). And people like those who are similar to them. Who do we love most in the world? That's right, yourself. Who else do we love besides ourselves? Those who are like us. We want to connect with people who are like us, who see the world through our eyes, who like the same things we do. Research shows that we hire people who are similar to us in personality. We choose people as close friends with whom we feel as comfortable as with ourselves.

It's time to make a small digression here. By advising you to adapt to your interlocutor at the beginning of communication, I do not encourage you to forget about your own personality. People, to one degree or another, must adapt to each other, but without compromising their own personality. You need to forget about selfishness and be the first to take the initiative (adjust), because you are the one who understands why you need a good relationship with this person, and not he (she). This is the same polite gesture as speaking to a foreigner in English rather than Russian. It is you who chooses the most convenient method of communication for the interlocutor. By mirroring your interlocutor (repeating his movements, copying him), you seem to join his thoughts and feelings. When speaking to a foreigner in English, you are telling him: “I am just like you. You can rely on me. I understand you".

Once you have established rapport, you can gradually change your behavior to induce corresponding changes in the behavior of your interlocutor. Now there is no need to slavishly follow another person - he himself will gladly follow you. This is how good rapport functions. We take turns adapting to each other, scientifically speaking, we carry out joining4 and leading5.

You will see for yourself that communicating in English with a foreigner will be easier than in your native language

Someone with whom you have established rapport is more receptive to your ideas and suggestions. This is not surprising, since you yourself are always at one with the one you like.

Once rapport is established, the person who likes you will listen to your words and agree with them, wondering how you managed to read their own thoughts. For him to be against you will be tantamount to being against himself.

Having established rapport, you can begin to manipulate your interlocutor. Your goal is to put him in a mood where he will be most positive about all your ideas and suggestions. When I say “manipulate,” I don’t mean anything bad. We are talking only about preparing a person to make the decision you need, and not about a command or order. Nothing will force a person to accept your proposal if he is strongly opposed to it, but with established rapport, he will continue to feel sympathy for you, whereas in the absence of rapport he might dislike you. No, we don’t control anyone, we don’t deceive anyone, we don’t program anyone with our ideas or views. We only create relationships that are positive for all participants, within which we can communicate in the same language and achieve conditions beneficial to all parties. Our goal is to make sure that the interlocutor can evaluate all the advantages of our offer and make the right decision. And we achieve this using voice timbre and body language.

3 …

End of introductory passage

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A few more reasons to be wary

Why women manipulate men and vice versa is quite understandable. However, not everyone can correctly assess the situation. You should be wary if the following trends are visible in your relationship:

it is absolutely unclear who you are to each other (acquaintances, lovers, friends, and so on);
you never know when your next meeting with this person will happen;
your partner (or partner) always makes you wait without telling you the exact time of the date;
you never know where the manipulator is at the moment (he does not consider it necessary to inform you);
all your attempts to discuss the status of the relationship end in failure;
you constantly feel competition.